Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know
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- Create Date：2021-05-03 07:51:20
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Malcolm Gladwell
- ISBN：0141988495
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Summary
Malcolm Gladwell， host of the podcast Revisionist History and #1 bestselling author of The Tipping Point， Blink， Outliers， David and Goliath， and What the Dog Saw， offers a powerful examination of our interactions with strangers---and why they often go wrong。 How did Fidel Castro fool the CIA for a generation？ Why did Neville Chamberlain think he could trust Adolf Hitler？ Why are campus sexual assaults on the rise？ Do television sitcoms teach us something about the way we relate to each other that isn't true？
Talking to Strangers is a classically Gladwellian intellectual adventure， a challenging and controversial excursion through history， psychology， and scandals taken straight from the news。 He revisits the deceptions of Bernie Madoff， the trial of Amanda Knox， the suicide of Sylvia Plath， the Jerry Sandusky pedophilia scandal at Penn State University， and the death of Sandra Bland---throwing our understanding of these and other stories into doubt。 Something is very wrong， Gladwell argues， with the tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don't know。 And because we don't know how to talk to strangers， we are inviting conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world。
In his first book since his #1 bestseller， David and Goliath， Malcolm Gladwell has written a gripping guidebook for troubled times。
Talking to Strangers is a classically Gladwellian intellectual adventure， a challenging and controversial excursion through history， psychology， and scandals taken straight from the news。 He revisits the deceptions of Bernie Madoff， the trial of Amanda Knox， the suicide of Sylvia Plath， the Jerry Sandusky pedophilia scandal at Penn State University， and the death of Sandra Bland---throwing our understanding of these and other stories into doubt。 Something is very wrong， Gladwell argues， with the tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don't know。 And because we don't know how to talk to strangers， we are inviting conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world。
In his first book since his #1 bestseller， David and Goliath， Malcolm Gladwell has written a gripping guidebook for troubled times。
Reviews
Katie Renwick
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I thought this book was very interesting。 Did not agree with everything that was said especially the Brock Turner case。 I feel like it is hard to measure success when meeting with someone like Hitler， is there a case where we ever get that right？ We might be doomed either way if we end up at a party with Brock Turner and to suggest otherwise seems victim blaming but overall I did enjoy the book。
Bailey Ham
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I’ve always love Malcom Gladwell’s books and this one does not disappoint！ Audiobook is done very nicely with some music and interview tapes that you wouldn’t get in the written version。
Jack
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 My favorite Gladwell to date， such timely subject matter。 So many of the author’s examples of misguided preconceived notions rang impressive and persuasive， but the Brock Turner case and our societal beliefs about alcohol consumption really stuck out to me。 It was powerful for Gladwell to take that stance， to not jump on the bandwagon of Turner is a miserable， weak rapist and that’s it， that’s all， but rather look into the nuance of the situation， at the biggest picture issue of expecting people My favorite Gladwell to date， such timely subject matter。 So many of the author’s examples of misguided preconceived notions rang impressive and persuasive， but the Brock Turner case and our societal beliefs about alcohol consumption really stuck out to me。 It was powerful for Gladwell to take that stance， to not jump on the bandwagon of Turner is a miserable， weak rapist and that’s it， that’s all， but rather look into the nuance of the situation， at the biggest picture issue of expecting people to be able to consume more alcohol than we ever have before， and in such large quantities （and if you don’t keep up you face potential mockery or exclusion） and expect them to be able to conduct themselves as responsible human beings。 Why are our youth， rather than saying “don’t be a pussy” before drinking， saying things instead like， “I don’t want you to potentially become a victim/rapist tonight。” Why is the focus all on the weakness of the individuals who become incapacitated and make poor decisions， rather than on the societal pressure to drink until you’re blacked out？ I’ve been thinking about this ever since。 。。。more
Kelly
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It's not bad， definitely my least favorite of his books that I've read， but not because it was poorly written - that was fine。 I just spent most of the book with a scowl or disturbed look on my face and was hoping to "feel better" by the end。。 I support higher ratings but it wasn't what I was expecting and a bit challenging to get through at times （due to topics）。 It's not bad， definitely my least favorite of his books that I've read， but not because it was poorly written - that was fine。 I just spent most of the book with a scowl or disturbed look on my face and was hoping to "feel better" by the end。。 I support higher ratings but it wasn't what I was expecting and a bit challenging to get through at times （due to topics）。 。。。more
Hannah Fishman
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Really enjoyed the audiobook format， but Malcolm still be trippin
Kira
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I almost gave this read 3 stars but ima give it 2 and this is why: "The death of Sandra Bland is what happens when a society does not know how to talk to strangers。" While this was an interesting book and I did enjoy reading it for the most part， as Gladwell has a captivating story-telling presence， it doesnt just suffer from the general lack of theoretical validity that most pop-psych books fall to。 It instead also forwards what I will call a harmful delusion of a perfectly power-balanced world I almost gave this read 3 stars but ima give it 2 and this is why: "The death of Sandra Bland is what happens when a society does not know how to talk to strangers。" While this was an interesting book and I did enjoy reading it for the most part， as Gladwell has a captivating story-telling presence， it doesnt just suffer from the general lack of theoretical validity that most pop-psych books fall to。 It instead also forwards what I will call a harmful delusion of a perfectly power-balanced world in which all casualties are regrettable misunderstands by people who， despite their best efforts， do not understand one another。 This book seems to have been written in a some sort of fairyland where power structures are equal all of the time。 Gladwell chalks up a number of high profile （and controversial） cases to strangers misunderstanding one another。 But he fails to take into account that not all strangers are created equal。 In analyzing his cases， Gladwell skips over how deeply ingrained power inequities， such as racism and sexism， impact strangers' attitudes and behaviours to one another。 In this way， Gladwell is not just another pop-psychologist without an airtight theory， he is negligent in omitting the real and harmful ways that such social power inequities shape our interactions and make those interactions especially dangerous for women and racialized bodies。 I will end by saying that while I really wanted to love this book （I'm a sucker for feeling like I understand people a little better than I did before）， my main takeaway is that， in arguing that people in general default to truth/benign intention， Gladwell has fallen into his own trap。 In analyzing his cases， Gladwell assumes that misunderstandings are purely the result of unfortunate situations being unfortunately misread， and fails to acknowledge to his readers that not all strangers are benign and not all harmful consequences are misunderstandings。 Malicious people exist and do malicious things， and environments of sexism and racism fuel this and make these interactions disproportionately dangerous for non-white， non-male， non-cisgendered people。 This is crucial to acknowledge if one wants to understand the interactions between strangers， and Gladwell misses it completely。 。。。more
Carey Hanzlicek
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Really great book。 An important read considering the times we are in。
Nicole
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I always forget how interesting Gladwell’s books are。 😊
Raeanna Jacobsen
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The graphic descriptions of sexual violence are problematic and unnecessary， and took away from the otherwise interesting insights in the book。 On the positive side， the format of the audio book was interesting and unique， which I enjoyed。
Debra Robert
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Lots of interesting tidbits and other information people should know to help them lead a more， self-aware life。 This is my favorite book of Gladwell’s。
chris
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this book wasn’t at all what I thought it would be。 frankly， given the title， I thought it was about talking to strangers out in public。 ha。 ha。 ha。 was I wrong！can’t say anything about his data， or potentially what data he cherry-picked。 what was most interesting about this book for me， was the doorways of thought it opened up within my understanding。per the sexual assaults and alcohol， not sure what the data is regarding alcohol and perpetrators and alcohol and victims （and I’d be curious abou this book wasn’t at all what I thought it would be。 frankly， given the title， I thought it was about talking to strangers out in public。 ha。 ha。 ha。 was I wrong！can’t say anything about his data， or potentially what data he cherry-picked。 what was most interesting about this book for me， was the doorways of thought it opened up within my understanding。per the sexual assaults and alcohol， not sure what the data is regarding alcohol and perpetrators and alcohol and victims （and I’d be curious about what the data says about that assuming that anyone is even looking into it。 might have to look into it myself as I'm writing a book on sexual assault）， alcohol is not present and/or not needed in all cases of sexual assault， including but not limited to the horrific crimes on children。 also， the introduction of roofies， which does not， so far as I know， HAVE TO HAVE alcohol to be effective。 so one could order water or a soda pop （perhaps the taste of said roofie would be more obvious？ I dunno） and still get a roofie。 one does not need alcohol to assault， or be assaulted。 and I’m not sure what the point of using the sexual assaults， and only three of them （if memory serves）， as an example was？ and per the penn state assaults， boy oh boy， there are some convinced the whole thing was a witch-hunt and a great guy was wrongly convicted and there's no such thing as repressed memories。 innocent people can and are wrongly convicted （check out innocence project dot org） even great people。 but there are also "great" people who are guilty。 soooo。。。。some other books I tracked down that I'm interested in investigating regarding law enforcement based on author/studies gladwell referenced:-fixing broken windows by george L。 kelling-policing domestic violence by lawrence w。 sherman & janell d。 schmidt-scandal and reform by lawrence w。 sherman & albert j。 reiss jr。I’d be curious in reading both kansas city studies as well， but so far， have been unable to locate them。I was pulled over once on a busy highway in the south in the middle of the night。 I remembered learning through some police academy instructors to turn on the vehicle interior light and not make any sudden movements。 even with that， when I exited the vehicle as instructed， the officer had his hand on his weapon， in what I would classify， as ready to engage if necessary。 maybe that highway was known for drugs？ I dunno。 I can only guess that stop would have potentially been much more dangerous for any POC。also， those interested in law enforcement interacting within communities might be open to reading （gotta find the book title） 。。。more
Candice
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I am never disappointed in Gladwell's books。 Always thought provoking。 I am never disappointed in Gladwell's books。 Always thought provoking。 。。。more
Sophia Barber
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There were definitely some very interesting theories and topics covered that got me thinking about the world around me。 The audio book version was very well produced。 But his discussions on SA and the Penn State thing rely on the readers to have a high level of understanding on the nuances of those topics in order for it to be helpful and not harmful so- 3 stars。
Kari
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So much interesting psychology。 Human errors in analyzing each other， coupling， spies， all of it。 However， at the end I was left feeling a little defeated。 Ok， so now we see all these problems， but how do we address them to make improvements？ Loved the presentation of information， but the "where do we go from here" was sadly lacking。 So much interesting psychology。 Human errors in analyzing each other， coupling， spies， all of it。 However， at the end I was left feeling a little defeated。 Ok， so now we see all these problems， but how do we address them to make improvements？ Loved the presentation of information， but the "where do we go from here" was sadly lacking。 。。。more
Ximena
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I’ve never read something like this before， it was super interesting 🤔， I love it soo much。
Iris
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This less book is less about *how* to talk to strangers， more about the problems of human nature that arise when we try to communicate: transparency as a myth， defaulting to truth （presuming innocence）， mismatching outward appearance with actual intent， and failing to understand how context shapes behavior （coupling）。While I think Gladwell provides really fascinating examples to demonstrate each of these issues， sometimes he goes on unrelated tangents， and sometimes he seems to dismiss individua This less book is less about *how* to talk to strangers， more about the problems of human nature that arise when we try to communicate: transparency as a myth， defaulting to truth （presuming innocence）， mismatching outward appearance with actual intent， and failing to understand how context shapes behavior （coupling）。While I think Gladwell provides really fascinating examples to demonstrate each of these issues， sometimes he goes on unrelated tangents， and sometimes he seems to dismiss individual bad behavior with “it’s just a flaw of human nature。” I listened to the audiobook version which was really cool since the book includes recordings from the actual interviewees and also a set of excellent voice actors！ 。。。more
Jackie
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Whoa。 I would definitely recommend that you read the book， but the audiobook was the best audiobook experience I've ever had。 👏👏👏 Whoa。 I would definitely recommend that you read the book， but the audiobook was the best audiobook experience I've ever had。 👏👏👏 。。。more
Caleb Kirby
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As usual， the style is enthralling and the content abundantly intriguing。 The identified general principles of human interaction such as truth bias， coupling， etc。 are meticulously supported。 Once the principles are established， the book pointedly critiques some modern policing tactics， demonstrating application with a very purposeful tone。 The critique is fair and productive and obviously ties the entire material of the book together nicely。
Lena Yen
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we have troubles talking to strangers because we 1。 default to truth， 2。 read facial / visual cues too transparently， and 3。 we couple strangers with the environmentassuming the best of people and believing everything they say can be dangerous because our internal lie detectors aren't reliable but at the same time， if we don't trust anyone， society wouldn't function and we'd all be paranoid af we have troubles talking to strangers because we 1。 default to truth， 2。 read facial / visual cues too transparently， and 3。 we couple strangers with the environmentassuming the best of people and believing everything they say can be dangerous because our internal lie detectors aren't reliable but at the same time， if we don't trust anyone， society wouldn't function and we'd all be paranoid af 。。。more
Andrea Usevitch
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Eh， I’ve liked Gladwell’s other books better。 It had some interesting points， but it didn’t really flow as well or as cohesively as I would have liked。
William Allison
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After reading some of the reviews I opted for the audiobook。 It was narrated by Malcolm Gladwell and well-produced by the same folks who produced his podcasts， with music， historical audio clips and recordings of the people covered in the book。 We live in an era when many people think they understand the truth of various situations， or others' intentions because they are confident in their own reading of people’s motivations。 Ours is also an era that amplifies the opinions and positions of indiv After reading some of the reviews I opted for the audiobook。 It was narrated by Malcolm Gladwell and well-produced by the same folks who produced his podcasts， with music， historical audio clips and recordings of the people covered in the book。 We live in an era when many people think they understand the truth of various situations， or others' intentions because they are confident in their own reading of people’s motivations。 Ours is also an era that amplifies the opinions and positions of individuals quickly and loudly。 This empathetic book serves as a valuable introduction to the science behind how people understand and misunderstand each other。 It will be interesting to see if the "bias to trust" covered in the book is constant， or if it shifts as the incentives of society change。 （BTW- like many of Malcolm Gladwell's books- this one leads one back to research by others that he is showcasing and summarizing， in this case a logical next read is "Duped"， by Timothy Levine。。。） 。。。more
Stephanie Yeo
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This is a tough one to rate because I would give it 5 stars for how it held my interest， but 1-2 stars for how he handled the Brock Turner case （as seemingly a "misunderstanding"）。 I also question the academic scholarship behind some of the conclusions reached。 It seems pseudoscientific at best， but certainly interesting and thought-provoking。 This is a tough one to rate because I would give it 5 stars for how it held my interest， but 1-2 stars for how he handled the Brock Turner case （as seemingly a "misunderstanding"）。 I also question the academic scholarship behind some of the conclusions reached。 It seems pseudoscientific at best， but certainly interesting and thought-provoking。 。。。more
Rachael
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Bummed because I usually like to read Malcolm Gladwell。 This book read like a forced thesis。 I’m not clear on why he wrote it or what he wanted from it。 Sandra Brand’s case seems a bit too large for the subject matter of the book。 The more interesting case studies， like the ones about how policing has evolved to where it is today， could fill a book of their own; which I think I would have enjoyed more。
Tcufrog04
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Listened to on audiobook。 Absolutely recommend for all the transcript readings。
Tee Conroy
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Malcolm Gladwell is good at telling us why we misread people in critically important situations。 The great thing is that he tells us in such an entertaining way！
Heather
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Interesting book， but very graphic regarding the sexual abuse cases。
Shari
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Insightful and important。 Great to listen to as an audiobook。
Meg
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TLDR; Plus 2 stars for connecting all the pieces and learning some useful information。 Minus 2 stars for no actionable go do's on how to improve the readers ability of talking to strangers。 Minus 1 star for long winded goose chase discussions and examples。This book did not pan out the way I expected it would。 I always look for actionable items to go off and do with non-fiction books。 This left no actionable items， only themes for the reader to go consider。 That being said， I definitely learned s TLDR; Plus 2 stars for connecting all the pieces and learning some useful information。 Minus 2 stars for no actionable go do's on how to improve the readers ability of talking to strangers。 Minus 1 star for long winded goose chase discussions and examples。This book did not pan out the way I expected it would。 I always look for actionable items to go off and do with non-fiction books。 This left no actionable items， only themes for the reader to go consider。 That being said， I definitely learned several things and have some items to ponder （without guidance） in how I approach strangers。 Specifically， what assumptions am I making with respect to the 3 themes？ I did appreciate how Gladwell wrapped up the book giving due credit to both Bland and Encinia's point of views。 Although it was a shorter book， I still felt like he dragged out his explanations and examples for an extra few pages each time。 。。。more
Tom Zeller
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Interesting ways to see others points of view。 Not sure that I agree with all the examples used， but I did like the insight into policing startegies。Very easy read with some background into some major news stories。
alessia
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