Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life
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- Create Date：2021-04-26 08:53:58
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Laura Markham
- ISBN：0399168451
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Summary
Popular parenting expert Dr。 Laura Markham， author of PEACEFUL PARENTS， HAPPY SIBLINGS， has garnered a large and loyal readership around the world， thanks to her simple， insightful approach that values the emotional bond between parent and child。 As any parent of more than one child knows， though， it’s challenging for even the most engaged parent to maintain harmony and a strong connection when competition， tempers， and irritation run high。
In this highly anticipated guide， Dr。 Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving， supportive bond between siblings， while giving each child the vital connection that he or she needs。
PEACEFUL PARENT， HAPPY SIBLINGS includes hands-on， research-based advice on:
Creating deep connections with each one of your children， so that each truly believes that you couldn’t possibly love anyone else more。
Fostering a loving family culture that encourages laughter and minimizes fighting
Teaching your children healthy emotional self-management and conflict resolution skills—so that they can work things out with each other， get their own needs met and respect the needs of others
Helping your kids forge a close lifelong sibling bond—as well as the relationship skills they will need for a life of healthy friendships， work relationships， and eventually their own family bonds。
In this highly anticipated guide， Dr。 Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving， supportive bond between siblings， while giving each child the vital connection that he or she needs。
PEACEFUL PARENT， HAPPY SIBLINGS includes hands-on， research-based advice on:
Creating deep connections with each one of your children， so that each truly believes that you couldn’t possibly love anyone else more。
Fostering a loving family culture that encourages laughter and minimizes fighting
Teaching your children healthy emotional self-management and conflict resolution skills—so that they can work things out with each other， get their own needs met and respect the needs of others
Helping your kids forge a close lifelong sibling bond—as well as the relationship skills they will need for a life of healthy friendships， work relationships， and eventually their own family bonds。
Reviews
Krista
，
I've read a few parenting books and this is my favorite so far。 Solid parenting advice and the coaching / problem solving really works for my 3 and 7 year old。 I've read a few parenting books and this is my favorite so far。 Solid parenting advice and the coaching / problem solving really works for my 3 and 7 year old。 。。。more
Katie
，
I am a stay at home mom with a 2 and 5 year old。 When I began the book， they were fighting about once an hour。 By the time I finished the book and implemented a lot of the advice， they had reduced their conflicts to about once a day。 100% worth the read because it makes a difference。 I just wish I’d read it before my second was born！
Alicia
，
Overall it generally vibes with my parenting philosophy， but definitely not fully。 And it can read as VERY overwhelming and would be difficult to implement all of these suggestions unless you're super privileged。 We'll see how useful it proves once #2 makes his way into the world。 Overall it generally vibes with my parenting philosophy， but definitely not fully。 And it can read as VERY overwhelming and would be difficult to implement all of these suggestions unless you're super privileged。 We'll see how useful it proves once #2 makes his way into the world。 。。。more
Katka Bar。
，
V knižke som našla odpovede mnohé otázky a situácie， ktoré vytvárajú pokiaľ máte viac ako jedno dieťa。 Základom je rešpekt， a láska。
Quinn
，
I first listened to this as an audiobook from the library before I had my second child and I found it really helpful and non judgmental （as parenting books can sometimes be） so I ended up buying the actual book。 At times， it read to me a bit like a roadmap of all the things my parents did wrong （comparing siblings， having a clear favorite， telling one that they should be more like the other） but besides the obvious things there is a lot of practical advice and it gives good examples of how to re I first listened to this as an audiobook from the library before I had my second child and I found it really helpful and non judgmental （as parenting books can sometimes be） so I ended up buying the actual book。 At times， it read to me a bit like a roadmap of all the things my parents did wrong （comparing siblings， having a clear favorite， telling one that they should be more like the other） but besides the obvious things there is a lot of practical advice and it gives good examples of how to react should certain situations arise between siblings。 What I have so far found very useful and I'm so grateful to this book for is the advice to tell your children "I could never love anyone more than I love you。" I remember my mother always insisting that she loved me and my brother equally， but it always seemed quite pithy to me。 I like the idea that you can love your children differently because they are different people， but you will never love one more than the other。 When my second was born and I was spending so much time having to take care of his needs I think being able to assure my daughter that I didn't actually love the baby more than her was really important for her to hear。 Of course I also don't love her more than the baby， but that's not what she cares about nor what she needs to hear at that moment。 I feel like this simple sentence has done really a lot to lessen her anxiety and jealousy。 I'll definitely be coming back to this book over the next few years。 。。。more
Laura
，
Truputį vargino pasikartojančios mintys。 Ir tikėjausi， kad knyga bus apie mažesnius vaikus， bet joje pagrinde visi aprašomi atvejai nagrinėja vyresnių brolių ir seserų （na tokių， kurie jau gali daugmaž išreikšti savo jausmus ir jų priežastis） konfliktus， santykius。 Ateityje skaitysiu vėl。
Kelly
，
Good information。 Very repetitive。
Miravone Dorough
，
The information in this book is invaluable！ We’ve welcomed a new baby （3rd） into our home & have implemented the tips in here to cultivate love， empathy， & peace in our house with amazing outcomes。 I would HIGHLY recommend this book。 I love how the author emphasizes love and validation over “discipline”。 We are so grateful for this book。
Edita Kazakevičienė
，
„Iš tėvų pasakojimų matyti， kad maži broliai ir seserys pešasi apie septynis kartus kas valandą， ir tik apie 10 procentų tų konfliktų baigiasi laimingai， „susitaikymu” ar net „kompromisu”。Nuostabi knyga NETOBULIEMS tėvams。 Tėvystė yra puiki mokykla ir mums。 Parašyta labai aiškiai， paprastai ir joje autorė pateikia veiksmingas strategijas， kaip spręsti konkrečias situacijas， kai mūsų vaikai nesutaria。 Socialiniuose tinkluose retai pamatysi besipykstančius brolius ir seseris， greičiau atvirkščiai: „Iš tėvų pasakojimų matyti， kad maži broliai ir seserys pešasi apie septynis kartus kas valandą， ir tik apie 10 procentų tų konfliktų baigiasi laimingai， „susitaikymu” ar net „kompromisu”。Nuostabi knyga NETOBULIEMS tėvams。 Tėvystė yra puiki mokykla ir mums。 Parašyta labai aiškiai， paprastai ir joje autorė pateikia veiksmingas strategijas， kaip spręsti konkrečias situacijas， kai mūsų vaikai nesutaria。 Socialiniuose tinkluose retai pamatysi besipykstančius brolius ir seseris， greičiau atvirkščiai: telieka tik atsidusti pamačius tobulas， apsikabinusių kitų šeimų vaikų nuotraukas， ir pagalvoti: o kodėl mano vaikai negali taip gerai sutarti？ Aš užaugau trijų vaikų šeimoje， o pati turiu du berniukus， tad žinau， kad tarp brolių ir seserų būna visko。 Tačiau， ar normalu， jog vaikai pavyduliauja vienas kitam， pykstasi ir pešasi？ Gera žinia， kad taip， nes konkurencija yra užprogramuota。。。 genetiškai！ Ech， kad šią knygą būčiau perskaičiusi， kai gimė mano antrasis vaikas。 Tačiau， net ir prabėgus keliems metams nevėlu。 Autorė pabrėžia， jog santykiai turi ypatybę keistis， o ryšį visada galima atnaujinti ir sustiprinti。 Taigi， koks esminis skirtumas tarp šeimų， kurių vaikai sutaria ir nesutaria？ Tai mes – tėvai， esame svarbiausias veiksnys ir tik nuo mūsų priklauso， kokie santykiai bus tarp mūsų vaikų。 Knygoje pateikti konkretūs patarimai， kaip paruošti pirmagimį brolio/sesės gimimui， kuo užimti kitą vaiką， kol mama maitina kūdikį， kaip spręsti peštynes， kodėl reikalingos emocinės krizės ir kaip padėti vaikams susidoroti su stipriomis emocijomis。 O， svarbiausia – kaip sukurti šeimoje palaikančią aplinką， kuri suteiktų galimybę laimėti meilei tarp brolių ir seserų， o ne pykčiui。 Tai autorė， kuri visada palaiko ir įkvėpia tėvus， bei skleidžia žinią， kad kiekvienas vaikas nusipelno būti mūsų numylėtinis。 Net jeigu jų turime dešimt。 „Visada sprendimas – daugiau meilės。 Taip， daugiau meilės savo vaikams， bet pradėkite nuo meilės sau。 Meilės visada būna daugiau。” https://profesionalimama。wordpress。co。。。 。。。more
Carmen Mircea
，
Ultimul capitol legat de venirea pe lume a bebelusului si modul in care poti da vestea fratelui mai mare， nu a fost de interes pentru mine， asa ca am sarit ultimul capitol。 Trecand peste asta， cartea abordeaza punctual cateva situatii interesante。 Se insista si se repeta la nesfarsit aceleasi cinci/zece strategii。
Vaidadienis
，
Mes tėvai， savo vaikus labai mylime ir dažnai norime paties geriausio。 Kai mano pirmasis sūnus buvo šiek tiek paaugęs ir， kai laukiausi antrojo vaiko visada įsivaizdavau juos labai gerai sutariančius ir gražiai žaidžiant。 Tada nė neįsivaizdavau， kad nebus dienos be muštynių， pavydo ir skundų。 Turiu pripažinti， kad visa ši situacija man kėlė didelį stresą， atrodo kas ne taip， ką ne taip darome su vyru， kad mūsų vaikai negali būti be muštynių？ Knygoje "Ramūs tėvai， geri brolių ir seserų santykiai" Mes tėvai， savo vaikus labai mylime ir dažnai norime paties geriausio。 Kai mano pirmasis sūnus buvo šiek tiek paaugęs ir， kai laukiausi antrojo vaiko visada įsivaizdavau juos labai gerai sutariančius ir gražiai žaidžiant。 Tada nė neįsivaizdavau， kad nebus dienos be muštynių， pavydo ir skundų。 Turiu pripažinti， kad visa ši situacija man kėlė didelį stresą， atrodo kas ne taip， ką ne taip darome su vyru， kad mūsų vaikai negali būti be muštynių？ Knygoje "Ramūs tėvai， geri brolių ir seserų santykiai" maniau rasiu daug nurodymų kaip ką daryti su vaikais， bet gavau didelį pliūpsnį įkvėpimo viską pradėti visų pirma nuo savęs。 Natūralu， kad tarp vaikų yra nesutarimų， konkurencijos ir pavydo bangų， bet tik nuo mūsų atsako į visas tas situacijas priklausis tolimesni vaikų bendravimo santykiai。 Skaičiau pirmą autorės knygą， kuri man dar iki šių dienų yra viena geriausių tėvystės tema knygų。 Pasitikiu autorės patirtimi ir žiniomis， kurios man artimos， suprantamos bei naudingos。Tobulų tėvų nebūna， bet mūsų vaikams jų ir nereikia！ Tėvystė - sunkiausias darbas ir kartais atrodo norisi pasiduoti， atrodo niekas neveikia， bet išties emocinis mūsų pačių dosnumas savo vaikams， kad ir kokie pavargę būtume， yra didžiausias gerų， sėkmingų santykių įrankis。 Tai knyga - gidas， kurios patarimų nepapakaks tik perskaityti ir įsiminti， norint siekti geresnių brolių ir sesių santykių reikės įdeti daug darbo ir pastangų。 Ar jaučiuosi ramesnė perskaičius knygą？ Taip， tikrai taip！ Bet kaip ir minėjau pradžioje esu įkvėpta tobulėti。 Knygą nuoširdžiai rekomenduoju perskaityti visiems tėvams auginantiems daugiau nei vieną vaiką， taip pat， jeigu laukiates antro vaiko， rasite daug naudingų patarimų kaip paruošti brolį ar sesę atėjimui naujam šeimos nariui。 。。。more
Da
，
I believe the Author recommended way would work great to solve sibling rivalry and build a life long friendship between them as long as the parents could stick to the practice。 The only side effect is it may make the parents feel guilty
Brittany
，
Best for young kids。 Another great reminder that connection is everything。
Jessie
，
DNF and it was so referential to her other book。 Did not stand on its own。
Ryan
，
Patience， empathy and coaching。 More sound advice that reads as perfectly reasonable and effective。 How practical it is remains to be proven， though。 One criticism Markham is either unaware of or just flat-out doesn't address is the limits of her audience。 Most of her clients seem to be affluent， stay-at-home types。 How might these techniques function in an alternative parenting situation （i。e。， single-parents， working parents， foster homes， etc。）？ Patience， empathy and coaching。 More sound advice that reads as perfectly reasonable and effective。 How practical it is remains to be proven， though。 One criticism Markham is either unaware of or just flat-out doesn't address is the limits of her audience。 Most of her clients seem to be affluent， stay-at-home types。 How might these techniques function in an alternative parenting situation （i。e。， single-parents， working parents， foster homes， etc。）？ 。。。more
Amandanoel
，
I think I was looking for more specifically sibling advice？ Lots of focus on gentle parenting in general and most of the examples were for only two sibling families。。。 I did appreciate acknowledging that the closer your kids are spaced the harder it is to truly be able to put out all the parenting fires simultaneously 🙈（This book mainly focuses on avoiding sibling competition but I think the book I need talks about what to do when siblings are best friends and team up to make you crazy town/cove I think I was looking for more specifically sibling advice？ Lots of focus on gentle parenting in general and most of the examples were for only two sibling families。。。 I did appreciate acknowledging that the closer your kids are spaced the harder it is to truly be able to put out all the parenting fires simultaneously 🙈（This book mainly focuses on avoiding sibling competition but I think the book I need talks about what to do when siblings are best friends and team up to make you crazy town/cover each other’s shenanigans 😂😂😂） 。。。more
Petruta Grozavu
，
A
George Nash
，
This is a great follow up to the book Peaceful Parent， Happy Kids。 This book assumes that you have read or are familiar with "Peaceful Parent， Happy Kids" since it makes this assumption there is not a lot of repeating things that were talked about in that book。 Nothing more than a brief summary。 Because of this the book really focuses on how to help siblings。Unsurprisingly most of the book is about understanding the children's feelings and help them express the feelings。 I also spends a lot of t This is a great follow up to the book Peaceful Parent， Happy Kids。 This book assumes that you have read or are familiar with "Peaceful Parent， Happy Kids" since it makes this assumption there is not a lot of repeating things that were talked about in that book。 Nothing more than a brief summary。 Because of this the book really focuses on how to help siblings。Unsurprisingly most of the book is about understanding the children's feelings and help them express the feelings。 I also spends a lot of time suggesting ways to prevent resentment between siblings。Over all this was a great book for once I am a head of the curve since I currently only have a single child。 This would definitely be a book I would return to if I have a second child。 。。。more
Katherine
，
I had previously read Siblings without Rivalry， and there was a lot of overlap。 However， I still found this book useful - especially Part III that focuses on before a new baby arrives， first introductions， and strategies with toddlers。 We'll see if we can successfully put some of these principles into practice :） I had previously read Siblings without Rivalry， and there was a lot of overlap。 However， I still found this book useful - especially Part III that focuses on before a new baby arrives， first introductions， and strategies with toddlers。 We'll see if we can successfully put some of these principles into practice :） 。。。more
Natalia UN
，
Cartea abunda în idei bune cum sa-i facem pe copiii noștri să se simtă iubiți， pentru a evita gelozia și rivalitatea dintre frați， dar unele sfaturi se cam băteau cap in cap cu realitatea。 Autoarea deseori aduce exemple de conversatie dintre 2 frati （ vârsta 2 si 5 ani sa presupunem）， unde cei doi copii discută despre problema pe care o au si găsesc o soluție。 Uuunde， pe ce planetă se intâmpla asa discutii amiabile intre copii cu soluții puse la punct？ Eu n-am vazut。 Nu am primit răspuns la intr Cartea abunda în idei bune cum sa-i facem pe copiii noștri să se simtă iubiți， pentru a evita gelozia și rivalitatea dintre frați， dar unele sfaturi se cam băteau cap in cap cu realitatea。 Autoarea deseori aduce exemple de conversatie dintre 2 frati （ vârsta 2 si 5 ani sa presupunem）， unde cei doi copii discută despre problema pe care o au si găsesc o soluție。 Uuunde， pe ce planetă se intâmpla asa discutii amiabile intre copii cu soluții puse la punct？ Eu n-am vazut。 Nu am primit răspuns la intrebările pe care le aveam， cred că așteptările au fost prea mari。 。。。more
Christine Tutunjian
，
Reading it in anticipation of number 2’s arrival and it seems very practical and easy to implement。 It follows many parenting principles we’ve been utilizing with our first， all of which have worked as promised so I have high hopes for this one。 The book can be summed up in “making the connection”。 Through touch， time， empathy and therefore patience。 All books with this style I find the parents will require a large amount of self awareness and self control in order to carry out the tactics。 But Reading it in anticipation of number 2’s arrival and it seems very practical and easy to implement。 It follows many parenting principles we’ve been utilizing with our first， all of which have worked as promised so I have high hopes for this one。 The book can be summed up in “making the connection”。 Through touch， time， empathy and therefore patience。 All books with this style I find the parents will require a large amount of self awareness and self control in order to carry out the tactics。 But assuming those skills are in place the tools in this book are practical and straightforward。 。。。more
Kristen
，
A rare written review！I hated Part One so much！！ I felt like it was mostly a list of nonsense and unreasonable goals: - Tell your boss you need to leave an hour early for the foreseeable future！ - Hire a babysitter so you can spend hours of uninterrupted time with each child！ （With what money now？ You're already leaving work an hour early， apparently！）- Whenever your kids needs you stop whatever you are doing immediately and attend to them with many minutes of cuddles！！！！ （What is she cooking fo A rare written review！I hated Part One so much！！ I felt like it was mostly a list of nonsense and unreasonable goals: - Tell your boss you need to leave an hour early for the foreseeable future！ - Hire a babysitter so you can spend hours of uninterrupted time with each child！ （With what money now？ You're already leaving work an hour early， apparently！）- Whenever your kids needs you stop whatever you are doing immediately and attend to them with many minutes of cuddles！！！！ （What is she cooking for dinner？！？？！ How does she get dinner on the table on time if she keeps turning off the burner every 3 seconds to attend to her fighting children？ DO HER CHILDREN NOT HAVE A BEDTIME！？！！？）- If you and your kid have a super close relationship， they will not even WANT to misbehave！！！ Are they misbehaving？ Try HARDER。 I couldn't help thinking that a mom who already struggles with guilt would be completely undone with her assertions。 The author does make some good suggestions - namely to make sure you have a personal relationship with each child and try to react positively even to negative situations - but part one was 1。5 stars at best。 And then Part Two was a SOLID FIVE STARS。 It was validating， useful， I drank in every word and took copious notes！ I loved her take one sharing toys， roughhousing， dealing with competition。。。all great。 It's worth suffering through part one just to get to part 2。 And。。。Part Three I barely skimmed because it's about adding a new baby and we are past that。That said， I think this book is a good option as a "Siblings without rivalry" for younger kids if you can stomach not living up to her version of what it looks like to prioritize your kids。 。。。more
Shambray Matthews
，
One of my top parenting books！ So many good and practical things you can put into place， but also research and things that create deep thinking。
Kimball
，
This book took me forever to get。 A great resource for parenting。Notes:Parenting gets a lot easier parents can do three very hard things:1。 Regulate our own emotions2。 Stay connected with our child， even when setting limits or the child is upset3。 Coach instead of controllingA parent that has a better relationship with the children will then allow the children to have happier relationships with each other。The way you discipline your child becomes the model for how your child works out inter pers This book took me forever to get。 A great resource for parenting。Notes:Parenting gets a lot easier parents can do three very hard things:1。 Regulate our own emotions2。 Stay connected with our child， even when setting limits or the child is upset3。 Coach instead of controllingA parent that has a better relationship with the children will then allow the children to have happier relationships with each other。The way you discipline your child becomes the model for how your child works out inter personal problems。 She says to use coaching guidance instead of discipline。 It's all semantics。 All misbehavior is a cry for help and connections。 I think this also applies to adults， even affairs。Regulating emotions will help regulate behavior。Timeouts worsen the bad behavior。 They don't help learn emotional regulation。Tattling is how kids ask for help when solving a problem。Bickering is a sign that something is less than optimal。I'm not sold by the idea of not sharing。Children compete to ensure their survival in the face of danger and scarce resources。 "Most researchers believe that children's inherited temperament has more influence on their personality than their position in the family。" I dunno about this one。Take pics with individual children。 They will feel more loved。 This is a good idea。I guess parents don't feel as strong of a love initially towards their second child as they do with their first。 I hadn't though of this before。 Maybe this is why the 2nd born is usually rotten and ruins everything。Babies heads give off pheromones。 Older siblings are most often the most effective role models and teachers for young children。Sometimes when kids talking about killing or being dead， they don't know what it really means but they are using the most powerful words they know to convey how they feel。Grabbing toys can be a clumsy attempt to relate to the other sibling。"Compulsive behavior of any kind signals a deeper unmet need or feeling we can't verbally express。""Throwing in the towel just creates more laundry。" 。。。more
Perryapril2
，
I listened to this book in my car for months here and there on short trips。 And overall there are a lot of good points made and a lot of things I wish I would have done/known to do when my kids were younger。 Similar to her peaceful parent book it’s a lot about connecting with your children and teaching them to respect each other。 The not making your kids share a toy idea is a bit weird for me （again I am almost out of this phase）。。。but I kind of get what she is saying- it should be on their term I listened to this book in my car for months here and there on short trips。 And overall there are a lot of good points made and a lot of things I wish I would have done/known to do when my kids were younger。 Similar to her peaceful parent book it’s a lot about connecting with your children and teaching them to respect each other。 The not making your kids share a toy idea is a bit weird for me （again I am almost out of this phase）。。。but I kind of get what she is saying- it should be on their terms when to be done， but there would have to be some type of adjustment to that rule for me。 Again I wish I had read this when my kids were younger- maybe my kids would be better friends now instead of just tolerating each other。 Trying not to compare them and point out their strengths and weaknesses in front of each of them is also hard to do。 Hopefully I can take some of what I “read” and help my kids be better friends now and in the future。 。。。more
Veronika
，
Spousta věcí hlavně v začátku se opakuje z prvního dílu， takže to byla trochu nuda， jelikož jsem je četla poměrně brzy po sobě。 Rozhodně jsem tam ale opět našla mnoho užitečných rad， které se snažím aplikovat。 Když je člověk důsledný， tak to opravdu funguje。
Sandra
，
Great resource。
Emily
，
DNF yet。 I need to get it back to the library so I'll have to buy myself a copy。 Its good though。 Maybe better than Happy Kids IMO。 DNF yet。 I need to get it back to the library so I'll have to buy myself a copy。 Its good though。 Maybe better than Happy Kids IMO。 。。。more
Alisa
，
Oh how I wish I would。have discovered this book about 17 years ago！ So many great ideas & philosophies。 I bought the actual book after listening to the audiobook so that I could highlight it & refer back to it often。 While some ideas are still helpful this book really is geared toward young children。 I feel like the principles in this book would have helped me so much as a young mom。 I know it is a busy time with young kids but I feel that several of these ideas ， if applied， would free up so mu Oh how I wish I would。have discovered this book about 17 years ago！ So many great ideas & philosophies。 I bought the actual book after listening to the audiobook so that I could highlight it & refer back to it often。 While some ideas are still helpful this book really is geared toward young children。 I feel like the principles in this book would have helped me so much as a young mom。 I know it is a busy time with young kids but I feel that several of these ideas ， if applied， would free up so much energy later that the time is well spent。 。。。more
Kateřina Valová
，