Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma
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- Create Date：2021-04-20 13:54:29
- Update Date：2025-09-07
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- Author：Pete Walker
- ISBN：1492871842
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Summary
I have Complex PTSD [Cptsd] and wrote this book from the perspective of someone who has experienced a great reduction of symptoms over the years。 I also wrote it from the viewpoint of someone who has discovered many silver linings in the long， windy， bumpy road of recovering from Cptsd。 I felt encouraged to write this book because of thousands of e-mail responses to the articles on my website that repeatedly expressed gratitude for the helpfulness of my work。 An often echoed comment sounded like this: At last someone gets it。 I can see now that I am not bad， defective or crazy。。。or alone！ The causes of Cptsd range from severe neglect to monstrous abuse。 Many survivors grow up in houses that are not homes - in families that are as loveless as orphanages and sometimes as dangerous。 If you felt unwanted， unliked， rejected， hated and/or despised for a lengthy portion of your childhood， trauma may be deeply engrained in your mind， soul and body。 This book is a practical， user-friendly self-help guide to recovering from the lingering effects of childhood trauma， and to achieving a rich and fulfilling life。 It is copiously illustrated with examples of my own and my clients' journeys of recovering。 This book is also for those who do not have Cptsd but want to understand and help a loved one who does。 This book also contains an overview of the tasks of recovering and a great many practical tools and techniques for recovering from childhood trauma。 It extensively elaborates on all the recovery concepts explained on my website， and many more。 However， unlike the articles on my website， it is oriented toward the layperson。 As such， much of the psychological jargon and dense concentration of concepts in the website articles has been replaced with expanded and easier to follow explanations。 Moreover， many principles that were only sketched out in the articles are explained in much greater detail。 A great deal of new material is also explored。 Key concepts of the book include managing emotional flashbacks， understanding the four different types of trauma survivors， differentiating the outer critic from the inner critic， healing the abandonment depression that come from emotional abandonment and self-abandonment， self-reparenting and reparenting by committee， and deconstructing the hierarchy of self-injuring responses that childhood trauma forces survivors to adopt。 The book also functions as a map to help you understand the somewhat linear progression of recovery， to help you identify what you have already accomplished， and to help you figure out what is best to work on and prioritize now。 This in turn also serves to help you identify the signs of your recovery and to develop reasonable expectations about the rate of your recovery。 I hope this map will guide you to heal in a way that helps you to become an unflinching source of kindness and self-compassion for yourself， and that out of that journey you will find at least one other human being who will reciprocally love you well enough in that way。
Reviews
Morgan
，
4。5 ⭐
Leila
，
it’s hard to know how to rate this book， because I read it completely out of order over the course of several months， but it has been so impactful for me。
Aubrey
，
This book is an excellent resource。 I listened to it on audible and will be purchasing a physical copy so I can re-read it！
Kiwi Lanier
，
I thought it was weird that this book only focuses on addressing past trauma and doesn't say much about boundaries - seems weird to have a trauma book w/o that I thought it was weird that this book only focuses on addressing past trauma and doesn't say much about boundaries - seems weird to have a trauma book w/o that 。。。more
Emerald
，
I really needed this book because I’ve been in a whirlwind of emotions for years。 Within five minutes of reading this book I felt tears forming in my tired eyes。 Finally someone validated my feelings。 I will forever feel gratitude for this author。 Read this book if you find it difficult to trust others or self sabotage and have no idea how to stop it。 You matter。 Fight for yourself！
Mick D
，
Perspective shifting
Maria
，
The author himself has CPTSD and wrote their own personal anecdotes throughout the book， which for me gave it more depth and made it more interesting to read。 As a counselor （in training） with CPTSD I can’t even put into words how valuable this was for me to read。 It gives you an overview of what CPTSD is， common symptoms of it， elaboration of the four defenses （flight， fight， fawn， freeze）， and how to work on those symptoms/defenses。 At the end there are book recommendations for further reading The author himself has CPTSD and wrote their own personal anecdotes throughout the book， which for me gave it more depth and made it more interesting to read。 As a counselor （in training） with CPTSD I can’t even put into words how valuable this was for me to read。 It gives you an overview of what CPTSD is， common symptoms of it， elaboration of the four defenses （flight， fight， fawn， freeze）， and how to work on those symptoms/defenses。 At the end there are book recommendations for further reading and a “toolbox” with some easy to reference lists including what he wrote throughout the book。 。。。more
Kelly Green
，
This book changed my life。 Pete Walker explains things in a way that makes it feel like I'm finally putting the puzzle pieces of my life together - and I feel empowered to deal with what happened to me。 He speaks from the point of view of being a survivor and opening up about his childhood。 The strategies offered in the book are approachable and helped tremendously。 They work if you do the work。 I could've underlined every single sentence in this book。 Powerful。 This book changed my life。 Pete Walker explains things in a way that makes it feel like I'm finally putting the puzzle pieces of my life together - and I feel empowered to deal with what happened to me。 He speaks from the point of view of being a survivor and opening up about his childhood。 The strategies offered in the book are approachable and helped tremendously。 They work if you do the work。 I could've underlined every single sentence in this book。 Powerful。 。。。more
Anne
，
This is an excellent book for anyone who has suffered childhood trauma。 It explains how it affects your behaviour and as an adult。 It gives techniques to overcome the negative messages given by our parents and is written in a deeply compassionate and thoughtful way by a person who has himself experienced parental abuse。 Highly recommended。
Steve
，
A few 5 stars insights in here that have helped me but it's structured in a meandering style that becomes less and less focussed as it continues。 Definitely a keeper for me but felt like it lacked editorial oversight。 A few 5 stars insights in here that have helped me but it's structured in a meandering style that becomes less and less focussed as it continues。 Definitely a keeper for me but felt like it lacked editorial oversight。 。。。more
Julianne Wierstra
，
I can't recommend this book enough！ I can't recommend this book enough！ 。。。more
Sam Ranson
，
I know this book has very strong credentials & is of top quality but I could not get into it。 The structure seems somewhat arbitrary。 Nevertheless， I do not regret buying this book & I am sure I will get round to reading it thoroughly one day in the future。
Carol
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helped me make sense of my upbringing
Kathryn
，
Incredibly important book for anyone who suffers from CPTSD。 A resource I will be referencing regularly。
Gala
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Поки це кандидат на найгіршу книжку року， хоча оцінка 2，5-3Про російськомовне видання - воно зроблене вкрай недбало， зламана верстка， переклад без редактури， мало того що неузгоджені речення， в одному місці я так і не спромоглася розібратися， що там каже автор， бо текст був ну зовсім підстрічником。Що до самої книги - ті розділи чи абзаци， де атвор описує стани та почутт людей， що зазнали насильства від тих， хто їх виховував навіть можна рекомендувати для прочитання - і фахівцям і широкому колу。 Поки це кандидат на найгіршу книжку року， хоча оцінка 2，5-3Про російськомовне видання - воно зроблене вкрай недбало， зламана верстка， переклад без редактури， мало того що неузгоджені речення， в одному місці я так і не спромоглася розібратися， що там каже автор， бо текст був ну зовсім підстрічником。Що до самої книги - ті розділи чи абзаци， де атвор описує стани та почутт людей， що зазнали насильства від тих， хто їх виховував навіть можна рекомендувати для прочитання - і фахівцям і широкому колу。 Є ряд хороших порад для самодопомоги і ряд сумнівних。 А 80% відсотків книги потребують серйозного втручання наукового редактора。 Починаючи з того， що дослідження， на які посилається атор не вказані в списку літератури и їх неможливо ідентифікувати і закінчуючи заявою， що пережите в дитинстві насильство може призвести до шизофренії （вже 60 років як теорія шизофреногенної мами спростована）。 В книзі дуже багато дивних， не обгрунтованих заяв， що заважають сприймати її просто як текст-підтримку。 Крім того， автор встановлює дуже сміливі зв'язки між існуючими діагнозами та "способом реагування на травму"， а самі діагнози використовує часто в дуже стигматизуючому ключі。 Нажаль， це не ляпи переклалу， судячи з коментарів на гудрідсі。 ТОж книжку я все ж не раджу і не радитиму。 Які б атор не мав добрі наміри， форма має значення。 。。。more
Soniuca
，
This one should definitely come with a TRIGGER WARNING， some traumas are described in。。。 a lot of detail。Depends where you are in your recovery。 If you have no foundation of self care， self soothing and so on， DON'T go for this one in hope for "thriving" as it can be really triggering。 Even for me， I have some trauma work done and some chapters still left me uneasy。I've found the insight really valuable， will re-read at some point😊 This one should definitely come with a TRIGGER WARNING， some traumas are described in。。。 a lot of detail。Depends where you are in your recovery。 If you have no foundation of self care， self soothing and so on， DON'T go for this one in hope for "thriving" as it can be really triggering。 Even for me， I have some trauma work done and some chapters still left me uneasy。I've found the insight really valuable， will re-read at some point😊 。。。more
Daeus
，
5 stars for content， though some parts were a bit longer/more detailed than they needed to be IMO。 My main takeaway is the importance of recognizing when you're in a flashback。 Quotes- "Reclaiming the ability to cry self-compassionately， and to express anger self-protectingly。"- "Complex PTSD almost always has emotional neglect at its core。 A key outcome of this is that the child has no one is his formative years who models the relational skills that are necessary to create intimacy。"- "Psycholo 5 stars for content， though some parts were a bit longer/more detailed than they needed to be IMO。 My main takeaway is the importance of recognizing when you're in a flashback。 Quotes- "Reclaiming the ability to cry self-compassionately， and to express anger self-protectingly。"- "Complex PTSD almost always has emotional neglect at its core。 A key outcome of this is that the child has no one is his formative years who models the relational skills that are necessary to create intimacy。"- "Psychological health is based on having about 2 years of this no questions asked entitlement to unconditional love。 It is the normal， healthy narcissism that Freud described as his majesty the baby。 Serious problems acrue however when the toddler does not begin to learn that there are limits to his original entitlement。 If there are no limits too long， then the journey towards adult narcissism begins。"- "Recovery is never all forward progress。"- "As her recovery progresses， the flight type can acquire a gearbox that allows them to engage with life at a variety of speeds， including neutral。 Neutral is especially important for flight types to cultivate。"- "Freeze types。。。 often master the art of changing the internal channel whenever any experience because uncomfortable。。。。 many are unaware that they have a troublesome inner critic or that they are in emotional pain。 Furthermore they tend to project the perfectionistic demands of the critic onto others rather than onto themselves。 This survival mechanism helped them as children to use the imperfections of others as justification for isolation。 In the past， isolation was smart， safety-seeking behavior。"- "Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child。 Striving to be perfect offers her a semblance of a sense of control。 Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence。 As the quest for perfection fails， over and over， and as parental acceptance and nurturing remain elusive， imperfection becomes synonymous with shame and fear。 Perceived imperfection triggers fear and abandonment， which triggers self-hate for imperfection， which expands abandonment into self-abandonment。。。on and on it goes in a downward spiral into fear and shame-encrusted depression。"- "。。。our dysfunctional parents typically kill our protest function before our memory function comes online。"- "The key place to direct it [angering out childhood pain] is at your internalized parents。 The parents of your past。"- "One of the reasons food addictions are so difficult to manage is that food was the first source of self-comforting available to us。。。。 I believe that attachment hunger is at the core of most addictive behavior。。。 perhaps all addictive behavior is our misguided attempts to self-medicate deeper abandonment pain and unmet attachment needs。"- "Ironically， overreacting to emotional tiredness eventually creates real physical tiredness。。。 [cyclothymic 2-step] who habitually overreact to their tiredness with workaholic or busyholic activity。 Self-medicating with their own adrenaline， they run to counteract the emotional tiredness of the unprocessed abandonment depression。 Eventually however， many exhaust themselves physically， and become temporarily too depleted or sick to continue running。 At such times they collapse to an accumulated depression so painful， that they launch desperately into flight speed at the first sign of replenished adrenaline。。。 also noteworthy here， is the futile journey that many survivors undergo treating emotional tiredness with physiologically-based methods。 The limited efficacy of such an approach however， typically augments their shame。 'What's wrong with me？ I've changed everything in my diet， sleep， and exercise regime。 I've taken every available supplement and seen every practitioner imaginable and I still wake up feeling dead tired。' There is a healthy way out of this cul-de-sac of misdirected striving， it lies in cultivating self-kindness during those inevitable times when you feel tired， bad， lonely， or depressed。"- "Collaborative rapport repair is the process by which relationships recover and grow closer from successful conflicts resolution。 Misattunements and periods of disaffection are existential to every relationship of substance。 We all need to learn a process for restoring intimacy when a disagreement temporarily disrupts our feelings of being safely connected。。。。 once a friendship survives a hurtful misattunement it generally means that it has moved through the fair weather friend stage of the relationship。"- "Two of the most common reasons that relationships break up is irreconcilable differences and irreparable damages。 The lqtter could have been prevented in many cases if couples knew how to use time outs judiciously。 This is especially true for fight type trauma survivors， who when flashing back， can easily lose control to the outer critic and say intimacy-destroying things。 Survivors benefit greatly from learning to recognize the signs of being overactivated， so that they can then take time outs。。。 things said in the heat of a flashback can wound deeply， and engrave themselves in the psyche of the other in ways that cripple trust。"- "deconstruct eternity thinking。"- "。。。take time alone when you need it， but don't let shame isolated you。 Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful。"- "Flashbacks are opportunities to discover， validate， and heal your wounds from past abandonment。。。Be patient with a slow recovery process。 It takes time in the present to become de-adrenalized and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity， frequency， and duration of flashbacks。" 。。。more
Liz Musgrove
，
This book changed everything for me。 It hits a sweet spot of educational， practical， and actionable information and guidance。 I owe this writer a great debt of gratitude。 Cannot recommend enough for complex trauma survivors。
Mulham
，
This book should be a bible in psychotherapy。
Morgan
，
Good
Miriam Hall
，
Incredibly useful book。 Really helps me find the trauma underpinnings of codependency and unwind them。
Kathryn G
，
Analytical understanding of C-PTSDThis book is not aimed at clinicians， although it has a lot of specific details that might be helpful to clinicians as well as laypersons trying to understand Complex PTSD， whether for themselves or for a loved one。 I found it especially helpful to understand the flight fight freeze and fawn responses and how they help us cope with trauma， particularly repeated trauma。 Our coping strategies may develop when we are children because our brain tries to find a way t Analytical understanding of C-PTSDThis book is not aimed at clinicians， although it has a lot of specific details that might be helpful to clinicians as well as laypersons trying to understand Complex PTSD， whether for themselves or for a loved one。 I found it especially helpful to understand the flight fight freeze and fawn responses and how they help us cope with trauma， particularly repeated trauma。 Our coping strategies may develop when we are children because our brain tries to find a way to help us survive。 Those responses or strategies continue for the rest of our lives and we don’t always know what is happening because they are automatic。 We are not in control of them， our brain takes over when it feels a familiar threat （although it may not correctly identify threats to us as adults）。 The way out is to help our brain understand that we are safe And part of that healing involves feeling our feelings。 I found this book very helpful to give me an analytical understanding of what is happening。 For me， I need this analytical underpinning while I am learning to heal。 It was a lot to read， but with good examples so it did not feel overwhelming。 I think his。 Ok would be helpful for anyone dealing with C-PTSD in themselves or a loved one。 。。。more
Ariana
，
Written for the reader who is most interested in thriving and learning about managing their own CPTSD experience。 For clinicians this can be useful as there are many tips and directions towards understanding for the client which could be fostered by the clinician。
Alejandro
，
Excelente libroWalker nos proporciona un libro rico en información sobre el TEP complejo para tener un amplio conocimiento de este， como se origina， y brindando herramientas prácticas para ayudar al proceso de recuperación。 Lectura recomendada tanto para sobrevivientes como para profesionales o estudiantes en el área de salud mental。
Tain
，
I have a feeling this is one of those books that I'm going to need to come back to several times to get the good out of it。 I learned a lot （because） it was also a hard read which forced a lot of uncomfortable introspection。My favourite quotes were:"You are free now as an adult to develop peace of mind and a supportive relationship with yourself。 A self-championing stance can transform your existence from struggling survival to a fulfilling sense of thriving""much of the plethora of loneliness， I have a feeling this is one of those books that I'm going to need to come back to several times to get the good out of it。 I learned a lot （because） it was also a hard read which forced a lot of uncomfortable introspection。My favourite quotes were:"You are free now as an adult to develop peace of mind and a supportive relationship with yourself。 A self-championing stance can transform your existence from struggling survival to a fulfilling sense of thriving""much of the plethora of loneliness， alienation， and addictive distraction that plagues modern industrial societies is a result of people being taught and forced to reject， pathologize or punish so many of their own and others’ normal feeling states。""Cptsd is a syndrome of the dearth of unconditional love""The fawn-fight [type] is sometimes misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder [BPD]。 This is because the fawn-fight can be emotionally intense during flashbacks。 When triggered into a panicky sense of abandonment， he feels desperate for love and can vacillate dramatically between clawing for it or flatteringly groveling for it""we can harvest recovery out of these unpleasant flashbacks by seeing them as proof that we were traumatized。 When we do the latter， we can morph our anger into healthy indignation about the outrageously unfair conditions of our upbringing""most survivors need to empower their efforts with a healthy rage against their parents for destroying their self-loyalty and their self-individuation。""Grieving is at its most effective when the survivor can grieve in four ways: angering， crying， verbal ventilating and feeling。""Deep level recovery from childhood trauma requires a normalization of depression， a renunciation of the habit of reflexively reacting to it。" 。。。more
Iryna
，
The best book I've ever read。 It changed my life and guided me back to my soul。It's not only a must read， but a must re-read！ The best book I've ever read。 It changed my life and guided me back to my soul。It's not only a must read， but a must re-read！ 。。。more
MountainShelby
，
Audio。 The way the author unpacks the impact of improper or failure to achieve childhood parental bonding changed my life。 I've listened to or read many "therapy" books over the years because I find them comforting in my life journey， but this is the only one that really opened my eyes and made me review events of my past with a look at how they have impacted my life journey。 I just wish I'd have had access 40 years ago。。。。ha。。。 while I do not believe in excusing actions of today based on a diff Audio。 The way the author unpacks the impact of improper or failure to achieve childhood parental bonding changed my life。 I've listened to or read many "therapy" books over the years because I find them comforting in my life journey， but this is the only one that really opened my eyes and made me review events of my past with a look at how they have impacted my life journey。 I just wish I'd have had access 40 years ago。。。。ha。。。 while I do not believe in excusing actions of today based on a difficult past I do believe in explaining them。 Let's stop saying our parents did their best because way too many didn't and knowingly treated their children like pests （as in the kind that should be controlled/eradicated） not people。 I grew up with a physically abusive and distant father and a frighteningly angry narcissistic mother whose children "ruined [my] life。" The parents abused each other， abused the kids， and the kids abused each other。 The mother was a pillar of the community and able to manipulate those who would now surely report the abuse， not be convinced by her explanations about her disturbed children。 Pretty sick。 I normally would not reveal so much about myself but I do so to demonstrate the positive impact of Walker's work。 My own struggle to bond with people has been life long and at this point too late， although I'm not complaining at all about my life and its trajectory。 But now I understand better why relationships with prescribed rules （for example， coworkers， neighbors） feel comfortable to me but those without or with far less prescribed rules （friendship， intimate relationships） have always felt alien to me。 The damage is too far and too late for me。。。and I'm by now happiest solo anyway。。。but hopefully for others it won't be too late thanks to the author's work and the work of good counselors。 。。。more
erufu
，
A helpful toolkit for recovery with guidance on what the path is like。
Candace
，
I was conflicted about 3 versus 4 stars。 I’m a psychotherapist and researcher。 I do think this book is very helpful to the survivor in that he identifies and clarifies common but very complex intrapsychic and interpersonal patterns without using “psychobabble” but I would like to see reference to research and other texts。 Also， is this self-published？ There are many typos。 The cover art is his。 I wonder what trauma experts like Bessel van der kolk would have to say about the book。
Anastasia Solstice
，