Chatter: The Conversations We Have With Ourselves - and How to Control Them
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- Create Date：2021-04-16 13:52:52
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Ethan Kross
- ISBN：1785041940
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Summary
Turn your inner voice from critic to coach
As humans， we all have a special ability that is unique to our species: an inner voice。 It helps us focus， achieve our goals and reflect on life’s most joyful moments。 But it can also be our biggest enemy， chewing over painful emotions and replaying embarrassments， hijacking our thoughts to run amok with ‘chatter’。 How does this source of wisdom turn into our biggest critic？ And how can we take back control？
These are the questions one of the world’s leading experts on the conscious mind set out to answer twenty years ago， when he started on an audacious mission — to study the conversations we have with ourselves。 In this hugely anticipated book， that expert， the award-winning neuroscientist and psychologist Ethan Kross， reveals the sheer power of the inner voice， and shows us that we all possess a set of tools for harnessing it。 Hidden in plain sight， they are in the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves， in the conversations we have with our loved ones and in the habits we undertake when tackling our goals。 They are even sometimes in our bizarre rituals and lucky charms。
Fascinating， entertaining and full of original insights and tips， Chatter will change the conversations you have with yourself forever， and help you lead a happier， more productive life。
As humans， we all have a special ability that is unique to our species: an inner voice。 It helps us focus， achieve our goals and reflect on life’s most joyful moments。 But it can also be our biggest enemy， chewing over painful emotions and replaying embarrassments， hijacking our thoughts to run amok with ‘chatter’。 How does this source of wisdom turn into our biggest critic？ And how can we take back control？
These are the questions one of the world’s leading experts on the conscious mind set out to answer twenty years ago， when he started on an audacious mission — to study the conversations we have with ourselves。 In this hugely anticipated book， that expert， the award-winning neuroscientist and psychologist Ethan Kross， reveals the sheer power of the inner voice， and shows us that we all possess a set of tools for harnessing it。 Hidden in plain sight， they are in the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves， in the conversations we have with our loved ones and in the habits we undertake when tackling our goals。 They are even sometimes in our bizarre rituals and lucky charms。
Fascinating， entertaining and full of original insights and tips， Chatter will change the conversations you have with yourself forever， and help you lead a happier， more productive life。
Reviews
Clevver
，
I enjoyed learning about my inner voice from an analytical perspective。 The book was enjoyable to read and well written for a scientist。 I'm glad the synopsis of tips is at the end。I wish it solved all my problems instantly， but alas。。。I plan to buy the book as a gift for a few friends， to spread the word。 I enjoyed learning about my inner voice from an analytical perspective。 The book was enjoyable to read and well written for a scientist。 I'm glad the synopsis of tips is at the end。I wish it solved all my problems instantly， but alas。。。I plan to buy the book as a gift for a few friends， to spread the word。 。。。more
Shellie
，
It probably deserves more than three stars， but what he’s talking about really feels like old information to me and he’s just experiencing it for himself for the first time and decided to share it with everyone。 I might be wrong about that but most of what he says really is not new earth-shaking news to me， I think I’ve heard a lot of this before。 He might have put it in different words。Our inner thought process， what we think before， during， and after we do something is very important， and can It probably deserves more than three stars， but what he’s talking about really feels like old information to me and he’s just experiencing it for himself for the first time and decided to share it with everyone。 I might be wrong about that but most of what he says really is not new earth-shaking news to me， I think I’ve heard a lot of this before。 He might have put it in different words。Our inner thought process， what we think before， during， and after we do something is very important， and can contribute greatly to our success or demise。 The process that we use to keep our minds focused on what is at hand， what we are currently doing， or “in the moment”， these will vary from person to person obviously as needed。 If you are unfamiliar with your inner mind conversation then by all means you should read this book because it is a good place to start。Now - learning how to do this， doing it frequently， or regularly， or all the time - that is another story， and probably another book。 。。。more
Jeremy Cox
，
I think one of the issues with this type of book is that often the "suggestions" are just as vague as the practices the book is critiquing。 My biggest takeaway is that emotive discussion of traumatic events is harmful， whereas discussions that allow for emotion but that quickly progress to big picture perspective are not harmful （doesn't say they are beneficial relative to no discussion）。 I think one of the issues with this type of book is that often the "suggestions" are just as vague as the practices the book is critiquing。 My biggest takeaway is that emotive discussion of traumatic events is harmful， whereas discussions that allow for emotion but that quickly progress to big picture perspective are not harmful （doesn't say they are beneficial relative to no discussion）。 。。。more
Javier Rivero
，
Although most people would consider hearing an inner voice all of the time judging our actions a negative trait， it also happenss to be beneficial if we learn how to harness it。 Through this book you can learn a lot of techniques that will give you more control of the inner "chatter" that happens within our brains， from zooming out to having personal rituals the author offers a plethora of methods that will help us embrace this inner voice and not be affected by it。 Although most people would consider hearing an inner voice all of the time judging our actions a negative trait， it also happenss to be beneficial if we learn how to harness it。 Through this book you can learn a lot of techniques that will give you more control of the inner "chatter" that happens within our brains， from zooming out to having personal rituals the author offers a plethora of methods that will help us embrace this inner voice and not be affected by it。 。。。more
Holly Rankin
，
Super interesting - wish it was like 200 pages longer。
Gina Vecchioni
，
I listened to this on Audible and it was very engaging。 Although much of it could be considered common sense， the author gives practical tips for managing our own psyche with just the right amount of “science” and data to explain why they work。
Andy H
，
This short book could be condensed to a page and a half。 The few， already intuitively known points about internal self-talk， placebos， and the influence of surroundings， are layered with light， talkative froth， and padded out with lengthy personalised stories。 The depth and tone are more suited to a light and breezy afternoon chat show。
Mehrsa
，
This book does what it sets out to do， which is to explain why we have mental chatter and how we can deal with it。 Some of the most useful chapters of the book were toward the end where he talked about how we can talk to ourselves in moments of heightened chatter。 He says that a good way to do it is to put yourself in the third person--like， "Mehrsa， get yourself together！" or "Mehrsa， you're freaking out right now。" It felt like a very practical neurotic person's guide to mindfulness。" This book does what it sets out to do， which is to explain why we have mental chatter and how we can deal with it。 Some of the most useful chapters of the book were toward the end where he talked about how we can talk to ourselves in moments of heightened chatter。 He says that a good way to do it is to put yourself in the third person--like， "Mehrsa， get yourself together！" or "Mehrsa， you're freaking out right now。" It felt like a very practical neurotic person's guide to mindfulness。" 。。。more
Ashley Sweeney
，
This was the first "academic" book that I have read that relates to my current education/career path。 I find myself also struggling with chatter from time to time and this book was really interesting to see that other people also have the same reactions to stimuli。 The many psychology studies in this book were helpful to tie into the topic of chatter。 However， I felt like the last two chapters really deviated from the main focus of the book and I was finding myself getting lost and distracted wi This was the first "academic" book that I have read that relates to my current education/career path。 I find myself also struggling with chatter from time to time and this book was really interesting to see that other people also have the same reactions to stimuli。 The many psychology studies in this book were helpful to tie into the topic of chatter。 However， I felt like the last two chapters really deviated from the main focus of the book and I was finding myself getting lost and distracted with the repetitiveness of the pages。 。。。more
Brenda D
，
Really this could be 4 1/2 stars - Book is very helpful and provides important tools for addressing negative internal 'chatter。' Made a copy of the tools at the end of the book and plan to use them all！ Really this could be 4 1/2 stars - Book is very helpful and provides important tools for addressing negative internal 'chatter。' Made a copy of the tools at the end of the book and plan to use them all！ 。。。more
Barbara
，
Interesting discussion about the chatter in our heads， and how to deal with it。 As a speech-language pathologist， I found the section on using language to distance ourselves from our problems fascinating！！ Practical suggestions are summarized at the end。
Eric
，
All the reviews were right about this one。 Fantastic book with real-world examples。 Great book。
Anh Đặng
，
Anh Linh là người sửa bản in và giới thiệu， đọc xong chỉ muốn thực hành ngay。 Rất khoa học và hay。 Trích từ review của anh Linh:Bản thân mình từng đọc rất nhiều đầu sách về tiếng nói nội tâm hay làm chủ tư duy， đến khi đọc được cuốn “Chatter” thì có thể khảng khái nói: Nếu muốn tìm hiểu về chủ đề tiếng nói nội tâm， bạn chỉ cần đọc một cuốn “Chatter” thôi là đủ。 Vì sao？ Vì Tiến sĩ Ethan Kross đã dày công tổng hợp， cập nhật các nghiên cứu khoa học mới nhất về thần kinh và não bộ để phác thảo ra mộ Anh Linh là người sửa bản in và giới thiệu， đọc xong chỉ muốn thực hành ngay。 Rất khoa học và hay。 Trích từ review của anh Linh:Bản thân mình từng đọc rất nhiều đầu sách về tiếng nói nội tâm hay làm chủ tư duy， đến khi đọc được cuốn “Chatter” thì có thể khảng khái nói: Nếu muốn tìm hiểu về chủ đề tiếng nói nội tâm， bạn chỉ cần đọc một cuốn “Chatter” thôi là đủ。 Vì sao？ Vì Tiến sĩ Ethan Kross đã dày công tổng hợp， cập nhật các nghiên cứu khoa học mới nhất về thần kinh và não bộ để phác thảo ra một tấm bản đồ toàn diện dẫn dắt chúng ta trên con đường làm chủ tâm trí。Có khá nhiều kỹ thuật làm chủ tiếng nói nội tâm thú vị mà độc giả sẽ tìm thấy qua từng trang sách。 Như mình rất thích một kỹ thuật đầy tính hình tượng của tác giả: con ruồi đậu trên tường。 Khi rạp chiếu phim trong tâm trí chiếu lại những cảnh tượng về trải nghiệm khó chịu trong quá khứ hoặc viễn cảnh đáng lo ngại trong tương lai， chúng ta có thể “nhập vai” trở thành con ruồi đậu trên tường để đưa ra lựa chọn của mình。 Hoặc ta là “nhóm đắm mình” mắc kẹt trong cơn lũ tư duy và cảm xúc đó， hoặc ta là “nhóm tạo khoảng cách” đứng từ xa để nhìn mọi chuyện khách quan hơn。 Hai vai trò này như nút bật-tắt mà ta có thể chuyển đổi linh hoạt để đắm mình vào suy nghĩ tích cực và tránh xa suy nghĩ tiêu cực， thay vì làm ngược lại khi chưa biết tới kỹ thuật này。Một kỹ thuật khác cũng thú vị không kém là độc thoại tạo khoảng cách - đổi ngôi xưng hô khi trò chuyện với chính mình。 Thay vì dùng ngôi thứ nhất （“tôi”）， chúng ta có thể dùng đại từ ngôi thứ hai （“bạn”） và thứ ba （“anh ấy”， “cô ấy”） để nói chuyện với mình như thể bạn đang nói chuyện với một người khác。 Kỹ thuật này sẽ giúp chúng ta tỉnh táo và lý tính hơn trong một số tình huống căng thẳng， xung đột nội tâm hay lúc ta bị mất bình tĩnh。Không chỉ hướng dẫn người đọc cách làm chủ những suy nghĩ luẩn quẩn bên trong， tác giả Ethan Kross còn đưa ra những chỉ dẫn hết sức thiết thực để chúng ta làm chủ thế giới bên ngoài， từ việc trở về gần gũi với thiên nhiên đến việc sắp xếp lại môi trường xung quanh， mục đích là để nâng cao sức mạnh tập trung chú ý của mỗi người。 。。。more
Stephen
，
Chatter explore the inner voice -- which Kross calls “chatter” -- that we sometimes hear when something is on our mind。 This voice isn’t pathological （though at the limits it can be）。 This inner voice， according to Kross ， affects our problem solving， focus， and empathy。It can help us focus to solve complex problems。 It can derail us when a stressful problem we have no control over is on our mind， or if we need to do something automatically， and our overthinking interferes with execution。 It can Chatter explore the inner voice -- which Kross calls “chatter” -- that we sometimes hear when something is on our mind。 This voice isn’t pathological （though at the limits it can be）。 This inner voice， according to Kross ， affects our problem solving， focus， and empathy。It can help us focus to solve complex problems。 It can derail us when a stressful problem we have no control over is on our mind， or if we need to do something automatically， and our overthinking interferes with execution。 It can encourage us， and it can also derail us by leading us to focus on negativity。Reading the book will show you techniques to focus your chatter to be more helpful。 For example， taking an outsider perspective -- what he calls distancing-- can change a negativity spiral in your inner dialog into positive action。 Ways to distance include talking to yourself in second or third person （as in “Come on Steve， you can finish this book review”） to considering discussions from a broader perspective。 The concept of distancing reminded me of as section in Bregman’s Humankind， where he discussed the difference between Sympathy and Empathy， where empathy can lead to a spiral where you feel trapped， but sympathy can help you find solutions while understanding someone’s situation，One counter intuitive thing I learned was that talking to others about problems can backfire: it starts out cathartic， but we can end up focusing on emotional needs of affirmation and acknowledgement， and never get to address our cognitive need to move forward and solve the problem。 While it’s important to address emotional needs， we can get stuck if we stay focused on them。 This is where distancing comes in handy， and a listener can help make the transition， when person talking to you will is ready to hear solutions。 This is the basis of a FBI Hostage Negotiation Strategy: Active Listening -> Empathy -> Rapport -> Influence -> Behavioral Change。 We also learn a reasons why offering help when someone isn’t ready to accept it （what I’ve heard called “inflicting help”） can backfire。 By not letting the person have a chance to address their problem， you can undermine the person’s sense of self-efficacy， leading to a negative inner dialog。 If someone isn’t ready to accept help， you can offer various forms of ‘invisible support’ to help in the meanwhile。This is an engaging。 easy to read book。 It’s a book about science， written for a non technical audience， with references in the back for those who want to explore more deeply。 Read this book if you want some insight into the voice inside your head， and if you want to learn how minimize negativity in your life and your interactions with others。 。。。more
SVEN
，
Inner voice = 4000words/minute vs 70w/min speechTracks goals / Shapes Identity Biass towards negativityDistance enhances perspective ， invite 3rd person perspective or temporal distancing or universal "one" to more objectively evaluate your efforts and accomplishments。Nature and order， rituals sooth Inner voice = 4000words/minute vs 70w/min speechTracks goals / Shapes Identity Biass towards negativityDistance enhances perspective ， invite 3rd person perspective or temporal distancing or universal "one" to more objectively evaluate your efforts and accomplishments。Nature and order， rituals sooth 。。。more
Sara Solomon
，
This book was both exceptionally written as well as informative both as a professional and a person。 A must read。
Anschen Conradie
，
#chatter - Ethan Kross#Vermilion #penguinrandomhouseThis （non fiction） book is subtitled ‘The voice in our head and how to harness it’。 I found the choice of words interesting; almost as if the author is implying that everyone of us has the same voice in our head（s）。 But since Susan Cain （the author of ‘Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking’） described this book as ‘Groundbreaking’ I wanted to read it。 The author is an award-winning psychologist who has been studying #chatter - Ethan Kross#Vermilion #penguinrandomhouseThis （non fiction） book is subtitled ‘The voice in our head and how to harness it’。 I found the choice of words interesting; almost as if the author is implying that everyone of us has the same voice in our head（s）。 But since Susan Cain （the author of ‘Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking’） described this book as ‘Groundbreaking’ I wanted to read it。 The author is an award-winning psychologist who has been studying the silent conversations that we have with ourselves and the consequences thereof for no less than three decades。 His specific field of study is the science of introspection， but distinguishes immediately between deliberate self-reflection （leading to beneficial choices and positive emotions） and cyclical negative thoughts and emotions， referring to the latter as ‘chatter’。 Chatter happens when your cruel inner critic sprouts streams of vicious verbal thoughts that - if allowed to continue - usually results in overwhelming us; filling us with insecurities and terror; paving the way for the so-called ‘imposter syndrome’。 I found the outcome of two studies particularly interesting。 One scientifically proved that harnessing the chatter can fool a polygraph test either way。 Chatter can cause physical signs indicating untruths - which explains why polygraph tests are not regarded as admissible evidence in SA courts。 Another study determined that we internally talk to ourselves at a rate equivalent to speaking 4000 words per minute。 To put this in perspective: a US President SONA consists on average， of only 6000 words - delivered within an hour。 No wonder my own chatter rarely comprises full sentences。。。。。The book includes several case studies and concludes with a summary of ‘tools’ to harness your own chatter; ‘tools’ to assist others with their chatter and ‘tools’ to receive chatter support。 Overall I found the book an interesting read and I could identify with many of the conclusions， but the case studies were a bit long winded; reminding me of a student thesis trying to convince the moderator。 As a student I had the terrible habit of composing a precis in my mind when a lecturer was particularly repetitive and boring; I caught myself doing the same thing when reading the case studies; it should have been much shorter and more to the point。It was nevertheless an interesting read （at least I now know that is considered normal to have a mental dialogue with yourself） and deserves 3 stars。 I would not classify it as a ‘self-help guide’; rather as an interesting read on specific neuro-psychiatric research。 #Uitdieperdsebek 。。。more
Kim Anh
，
Con đường đi khó nhất là đi vào “bên trong” mình， vì nó vốn dĩ không phải là một con đường đi vật lý， nó là một con đường “tâm trí” vô cùng phức tạp。 Cho tới nay， thiền định là lối đi duy nhất vào “bên trong” tuy nhiên ko phải ai cũng có thể thực hành và hiểu rõ chi tiết khoa học của bộ môn hành thiền。Nội dung cuốn sách này giúp bạn hiểu rõ hơn về cách hoạt động của “tâm thức”， và từ đó để tắt đi những tiếng nói nội tâm。 Khi tâm an， mọi thứ sẽ bình an。
Katiana
，
I will have to re-read one day to make sure I absorbed it
Hannah
，
As a person with anxiety， reading this book helped me find new ways to deal with anxiety attacks and intrusive thoughts。
Shira
，
The author is an Experimental Psychologist and it reads like an academic book， though it’s accessible and understandable。 I had high hopes for this book but it didn’t deliver what I was hoping for。 I think my bias as a social worker crept in a bit too much and I was critically aware of systemic issues that contribute to chatter。 The author makes no mention of that， at least in an explicit way。 He barely suggests therapy as a useful place to go and I thought that was odd。 I expected much more foc The author is an Experimental Psychologist and it reads like an academic book， though it’s accessible and understandable。 I had high hopes for this book but it didn’t deliver what I was hoping for。 I think my bias as a social worker crept in a bit too much and I was critically aware of systemic issues that contribute to chatter。 The author makes no mention of that， at least in an explicit way。 He barely suggests therapy as a useful place to go and I thought that was odd。 I expected much more focus on CBT， but he’s not a therapist。 I just didn’t do my research before diving in so my expectations were off。The Toolbox Project sounds quite interesting and I’m curious to see how it latches。 Learning to take healthy control of our inner thoughts and negative self-talk is super important。 Would love to infuse some of the tools suggested into my own life and job。 。。。more
Fran Jensen
，
Bought it for my family members。 This is well researched and useful
Tranhieu0410
，
Tiếng nói nội tâm là một chủ để rất hay và chưa được quan tâm đúng mức。 Mình nghĩ hầu như ai cũng có những tiếng nói trong đầu khi tự trò chuyện với bản thân。 Tiếng nói này tồn tại vì nó mang lại lợi thế sinh tồn cho con người， khi ta có thể vạch ra các khả năng trước khi tình huống xảy ra。 Nhưng chức năng này đôi khi cũng làm việc quá mức cần thiết khi các suy nghĩ lập lại nhiều lần， đặc biệt hơn trong một thế giới hiện đại với quá nhiều thông tin và mối lo lắng như hiện nay。 Cuốn sách mang đến Tiếng nói nội tâm là một chủ để rất hay và chưa được quan tâm đúng mức。 Mình nghĩ hầu như ai cũng có những tiếng nói trong đầu khi tự trò chuyện với bản thân。 Tiếng nói này tồn tại vì nó mang lại lợi thế sinh tồn cho con người， khi ta có thể vạch ra các khả năng trước khi tình huống xảy ra。 Nhưng chức năng này đôi khi cũng làm việc quá mức cần thiết khi các suy nghĩ lập lại nhiều lần， đặc biệt hơn trong một thế giới hiện đại với quá nhiều thông tin và mối lo lắng như hiện nay。 Cuốn sách mang đến một bộ công cụ - như lời tác giả - để ta có thể kiểm soát tiếng nói nội tâm theo hướng tích cực và tận dụng khả năng của nó để sống một cuộc sống hạnh phúc hơn。 Các kĩ thuật đều rất dễ để thực hiện， và có hiệu quả rất tốt - bản thân mình trước đó đã tự sử dụng một số phương pháp。 。。。more
Genevieve
，
Worth the read， a little long winded。 Excellent tools， though
Frank
，
The 5 stars is for the second Appendix， called The Tools。 I tried reading from the beginning， but when I read self-help books， I want to get to the point。 So anecdotes feel like filler。 And this book has a lot of filler。 So I went from the middle of Chapter 1 to the aforementioned appendix。
Debjeet
，
This book has detailed out some very effective and well researched tools which can address the problem of negative self talk and anxieties 。I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book ，hoping to implement these scientific proven methods to deal with low phase in due course of life。 Recommending this book to everyone。- [ ] Intro- Engaging in introspection does significantly more harm than good。- chatter consists of the cyclical negative thought and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspe This book has detailed out some very effective and well researched tools which can address the problem of negative self talk and anxieties 。I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book ，hoping to implement these scientific proven methods to deal with low phase in due course of life。 Recommending this book to everyone。- [ ] Intro- Engaging in introspection does significantly more harm than good。- chatter consists of the cyclical negative thought and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspection into a curse rather than blessing- instead of succumbing to the pain of past ， concentrate on connecting with present。- We spend 1/3 to 1/2 of our waking life not living in present。- our verbal stream of thought is so industrious that we internally talk to ourselves at a rate equivalent to speaking 4000 words/minute out loud。- - [ ] why we talk to ourselves- The brain's essential task is powering of working memory。 Humans have natural tendency to conceptualize memory in the romantic， long-term and nostalgic sense。- working memory able us to remember what someone said a few seconds earlier and then incorporate it into the evolving discussion in a relevant way。- when it stops working or operates sub optimally ， our capacity to perform the most ordinary activities fails- Connected to working memory is the inner voice- A critical component of working memory is a neural system that specializes in verbal information。 It is called the phonological loop。 It has 2 parts- the inner ear and inner voice- which allows us to retain words in our head。- our working memory relies on the phonological loop for keeping our linguistic neural pathways online so that we can function productively outside ourself while keeping our conversation going within- our verbal development goes hand in hand with our emotional development。 Speaking to ourselves out loud helps us learn to control ourselves。- Language plays a critical role in how we learn to control ourselves。 Conversations are "tuned " in part by our upbringing。 Our environment influence how we view the world， including how we think about self-control。 - Imaginary play promotes self-control such as creative thinking， confidence， and good communication。- spontaneous thoughts related to goals are among the most frequent kind that fills our minds。 Its inner voice alerting us to pay attention to an objective。- We use our mind to write the story of our lives ， with us as main character 。 Doing so helps us mature ， figuring out our values and desires and weather change and adversity by keeping us rooted in continuous identity。 It helps us "storify" life。- In a situation where you should be happy， but a ruminative thought swallows our mind。 Your mind is not defined by what you did but by what you thought about。- inner voice in head allows us to function ，achieve goals，create，connect and define who we are in wonderful ways。 But when it morphs into chatter，it is so overwhelming that it causes us to lose sight of this。- [ ] when talking to ourselves backfires- when we find ourselves overwhelmed by emotion and too much information， one of the things inner voice does is harness our attention， narrowing it in on the obstacles we encounter to the exclusion of everything else。- Paying attention， reasoning wisely，thinking creatively require you to exercise conscious control。 Your labor -intensive executive functions need every neuron they can get， but negative inner voice hogs our neural capacity- verbal rumination concentrates our attention narrowly on the source of our emotional distress， thus stealing neurons that could better serve us- we jam our executive funtion by doing dual task i。e task at hand and task of listening to our inner voice。 Thats how chatter divides and blurs our attention。- the chatter in form of repetitive anxious thoughts has very debilitating effects。- People who share complain， share about loss ，grieve and pain experience more social friction and less emotional support in their relationship 。- Talking for too long and too frequently about your problems to others irritates and alienates others。- When we let our chatter drive social behavior， we frequently crash into range of negative behavior。 This starts a vicious cycle of social isolation which further wound us。- The main culprit of keeping our stress active is our negative verbal stream。 Chronic negative thoughts can push into the territory of mental illness- when our panic response is prolonged，it causes more harm than our ability to fight sickness and keep our body running smoothly。- [ ] zooming out- chatter is what happens when we zoom in close on something ， inflaming our emotions to the exclusion of all the alternative ways of thinking about the issue that cools us down。 We lose perspective。 It increases anxiety， stress， and depression。- when we get stuck in problems and unable to find a way out - our inner voice turns into rumination- Distraction is a short-term fix 。 it keeps negative feeling temporarily at bay，but negative feeling remains， eagerly waiting to be reactivated again。- An effective way to counter it is ability to see yourself from afar。- The people who view event from 1st person perspective -got trapped in their emotions and the verbal flood they released。- Distancing by adopting an observer perspective shortened the duration of peoples negative mood。 However damping effect it also shortened positive experience。- Teaching people to " see the big picture" reduce intrusive thinking and avoidance of painful memories。- Wisdom involves using our mind to reason constructively about a particular set of problems。A wise form of reasoning relates to see the big picture， recognizing the limit of ones own knowledge， becoming aware of the varied context of life， acknowledging other peoples viewpoint， and reconciling opposing perspective 。- you can teach people how to think wisely regardless of their age- through gaining distance。 Psychological distance， it seems， is the tonic to Solomon’s Paradox- Solomon’s Paradox， is widespread – we tend to reason more wisely about other people’s problems than our very own。- Uncertainty around us brings more chatter- which cloud our judgement and leads to poor decision making。- avoid an "inside view" and embrace "outside view"。 Inside view limits thinking to your circumstances and outside view includes a broader sense of possibilities and thus more accuracy。 You are able to better foresee obstacles and prepare accordingly。It improves your decision making。- Learning about suffering that her forebears had endured helped put her trials and tribulation in perspective。- when people are going through difficult experience- asking them to imagine how they will feel 10 yrs from now ，rather tomorrow ， can be another remarkably effective way of putting experience into perspective。Doing so leads people to understand that their experience are temporary ， which provides them with hope- this method called temporal discounting。- By focusing on our experiences from the perspective of narrator who has to create a story， journaling creates distance from our experience。 We feel less tied to it。- [ ] when I become you- Frequency illusion， also known as the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon， is a cognitive bias in which， after noticing something for the first time， there is a tendency to notice it more often， leading someone to believe that it has a high frequency- Distance self-talk is a psychological hack embedded in fabric of human language 。 We know that its benefit are diverse。- distance self-talk have the ability to interpret sources of stress as challenges rather than threats。It prompts you to say"you can do it" rather than catastrophing the situation。- Situations are threating - when we are uncertain and dont have adequate resource to deal with it， on the other hand ， when we apprise the situation and determing what we have what it takes to respond adequately ， we take it as challenge- when we normalize experience i。e proble is not exclusive tied to you but being faced by every other 。 Our internal dialogue says it is borne by others so can I 。 This offers relief- - [ ] power and peril of other people- When people are upset ， they are strongly driven to share their emotion to others but talking about our negative experiences doesn't help us recover in any meaningful way。- When we are upset and feel vulnerable we want to vent out our emotion and feel consoled， validated and understood。 This provides an immediate sense of security and connection。 When people are upset， they seek out other people for support and care- we often need others to help us distance， normalize and change the way we are thinking about the experiences we are going through。 By doing so， we allow our emotions to cool down。 In other words when we are upset ， we tend to overfocus on receiving empathy rather than finding practical solutions。- people who care about us prompt us to talk more about our negativ experience ， which lead us to become more upset， which then leads to ask still more questions。 A vicious cycle ensues ， allowing ourself to get sucked into。 It is like adding salt to the wounds。 The rehashing of narratives revives unpleasantness and keep us brooding。 It doesnt help us generate a plan or creatively reframe the problem at hand 。 Instead it fuels our negative emotion。。- when we focus on negative aspect of our experience ， we tend to activate related negative thought ，which leads to dominoes effect- The most effective verbal exchanges are those that integrates social and cognitive needs of the problem。 The interlocutor acknowledges the persons feeling ，but then helps to put the situation in perspective。it can help people who are upser feel validated and connected and then you pivot to help them by showing big picture。- Always ask - is the person helping you -keep on extracting personal information or helping with practical solution？ later are always preferred。- When the problems are specialized， specific people are more helpful。 People who diversify their source of support -benefit the most。Think critically after chatter provoking events occur and reflect on who helped you- Offering advice without considering persons need undermine a persons sense of self efficacy- the belief that we can overcome this situation。- Invisible support- helping without recipients being aware about it - is the formula for supporting others while not making them feel bad about lacking the resources。 It involves taking care of household chores or providing people with perspective broadening advice。 Doing this ， transmits needed information and support ， but without shining a spotlight on vulnerable。- another effective way- is affectionate touch。 Physical contact calm us。 It improves our ability to deal with stress， promotes relationship satisfaction and reduce feeling of loneliness。 It also activates brain reward circuitry。- [ ] outside in- green views like nature，trees or arificial green surrounding helps us more focused attention，feel us calmer and more challenge oriented- People report less stress when living with more green space。- nature acts as battery， recharging the limited attention reserves。 Attention restoration theory。- Fascination experienced in nature is referred to as soft fascination （Kaplan & Kaplan， 1989）。 This is in contrast to hard fascination （e。g。 sporting events， watching TV， etc） that demand full attention， not allowing for other thinking， including reflection。- voluntary attention is easily exhausted and needs continual recharging ， while involuntary attention doesnt burn as much 。nature recharges us。- nature walk improves cognitive function and led to feel happier- Not only nature ， but second hand exposure to nature through photos， videos our music also restores attentional resources。- Awe is the wonder we fee when we encounter something powerful。 Awe is self transcendent emotion allows people to think and feel beyond their own needs: the neural activity associated with self immersion decreases。- When you are in the presence of something vast and indescribable- it is hard to maintain the view that you are center of the world。 This is described as shrinking of self。 Awe helps people to prioritize time effectively and productively。- The operating power of awe is its ability to make us feel smaller ， nudging us to cede control of our inner voice to a greater grandeur。- nadal principle- By settling bottle in particular alignment- he creates order in physical environment to provide him with orders that he seeks internally。 This tendency to structure elements in our environment acts as buffer against chatter。The desire t have control over oneself is a strong human drive。- Seeing order in world is comforting because it makes life easier to navigate- [ ] mind magic- Placebos- like making you feel positive about certain thing，events take out enormous stress。- The more we bring our prior experience to bear on what is required to navigate the world，better we able to do it。- if you think a substance will help you- it will- a placebo。- rituals are infused with meaning- they help us transcend our own concerns， connecting us with forces larger than ourselves。They broaden our perspective。。They direct our attention from what is bothering us and ritual leave little room for anxiety and negative self talk。 It also provides with sense of order- cuing people to engage in completely arbitary acts that are not rigid in structures has benefits。- [ ] conclusionTo reduce chatter in brain1。 Use distance self talk2。 imagine advising a friend3。 broaden your perspective4。 create order in your environment5。 seek out awe inspiting events6。 reframe your experience as challenge7。 reinterpret your body chatter response8。 normalize your experience9。 engage in mental time travel- like felling about how you will shape in next 10 or 15 yrs10。 change the view11。 look for a photo of loved ones12。 minimize passive social media usage13。 write expressively14。 being closer to green space，nature15。 perform a ritualHow to help others in stress？1。 providing social and cognitive efforts2。 provide invisible supports。3。 tell them that they are hero4。 touch affectionately 。。。more
Janine Phelan
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Well done， interesting read！Will use tools to calm the chatter in my brain！
Suezq
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An ok book， would've liked more tips on how to stop the constant stream of thoughts that keep you awake at night。 I'm not sure just saying my name out loud is going to do it。 An ok book， would've liked more tips on how to stop the constant stream of thoughts that keep you awake at night。 I'm not sure just saying my name out loud is going to do it。 。。。more
JULIE WILLIS
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Helpful and enjoyable readI really enjoyed the book and put some of the suggestions to use， particularly the distanced self-talk。 I found it very helpful in reducing my feelings of anxiety and plan to put it to ritual use。
Y。S。 Stephen
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