The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
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- Create Date：2021-04-12 11:57:26
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Ichiro Kishimi
- ISBN：1982100397
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Summary
“Marie Kondo， but for your brain。” —HelloGiggles
“Compelling from front to back。 Highly recommend。” —Marc Andreessen
Reading this book could change your life。
The Courage to Be Disliked， already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3。5 million copies sold， demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be。
Is happiness something you choose for yourself？ The Courage to Be Disliked presents a simple and straightforward answer。 Using the theories of Alfred Adler， one of the three giants of nineteenth-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung， this book follows an illuminating dialogue between a philosopher and a young man。 Over the course of five conversations， the philosopher helps his student to understand how each of us is able to determine the direction of our own life， free from the shackles of past traumas and the expectations of others。
Rich in wisdom， The Courage to Be Disliked will guide you through the concepts of self-forgiveness， self-care， and mind decluttering。 It is a deeply liberating way of thinking， allowing you to develop the courage to change and ignore the limitations that you might be placing on yourself。 This plainspoken and profoundly moving book unlocks the power within you to find lasting happiness and be the person you truly want to be。 Millions have already benefited from its teachings， now you can too。
“Compelling from front to back。 Highly recommend。” —Marc Andreessen
Reading this book could change your life。
The Courage to Be Disliked， already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3。5 million copies sold， demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be。
Is happiness something you choose for yourself？ The Courage to Be Disliked presents a simple and straightforward answer。 Using the theories of Alfred Adler， one of the three giants of nineteenth-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung， this book follows an illuminating dialogue between a philosopher and a young man。 Over the course of five conversations， the philosopher helps his student to understand how each of us is able to determine the direction of our own life， free from the shackles of past traumas and the expectations of others。
Rich in wisdom， The Courage to Be Disliked will guide you through the concepts of self-forgiveness， self-care， and mind decluttering。 It is a deeply liberating way of thinking， allowing you to develop the courage to change and ignore the limitations that you might be placing on yourself。 This plainspoken and profoundly moving book unlocks the power within you to find lasting happiness and be the person you truly want to be。 Millions have already benefited from its teachings， now you can too。
Reviews
Phương Thanh
，
Hình thức của cuốn sách khá mới lạ。 Nó là cuộc trò chuyện giữa 2 nhân vật để làm sáng rõ nội dung mà cuốn sách truyền tải。 Mình không chỉ học được những triết lý hay về tâm lí học Adler mà cực kì thích màn phản biện cực kì thuyết phục của chàng thanh niên
Matthew McGowan
，
This book: "Trauma does not exist。"Actual Science: "Ummm。。。no。。。it really does。 What you're saying is both false and a potentially damagi。。。"This book: "Shhhhh。。。。Look at my snappy title"The world: "Hey look。。。that book has a snappy title"[hands over cash] This book: "Trauma does not exist。"Actual Science: "Ummm。。。no。。。it really does。 What you're saying is both false and a potentially damagi。。。"This book: "Shhhhh。。。。Look at my snappy title"The world: "Hey look。。。that book has a snappy title"[hands over cash] 。。。more
GVA
，
There are lots of areas I found problematic， but there are lots of great takeaways too。 The format is unusual and subject matter challenging， but ultimately very helpful。
Thu Anh
，
I’d say the title of the book is quite misleading， as in you’d expect it to be a self-help book。 It’s true that ‘the courage to be disliked’ is centrally presented in the book， but this is not a self-help book， rather an explanation work on the Adlerian psychological school of thought。 You’ll find in the book all Adler’s key points: separation of tasks， inferiority complex， community feeling， to name a few。 However， the thing about a school of thought is that it is one among many， and it depends I’d say the title of the book is quite misleading， as in you’d expect it to be a self-help book。 It’s true that ‘the courage to be disliked’ is centrally presented in the book， but this is not a self-help book， rather an explanation work on the Adlerian psychological school of thought。 You’ll find in the book all Adler’s key points: separation of tasks， inferiority complex， community feeling， to name a few。 However， the thing about a school of thought is that it is one among many， and it depends entirely on the reader whether they want to follow it or not。 Unfortunately， I am one to go against the theory。 While some points I do agree， most of them I find a lack of sentimental attachment。 Thus， when the authors mentioned the idea to live earnestly in the now， while I understand their intention， I find it to be completely voided of meaning and impact on myself。 Then again， everyone’s review of this book will be based on their individual opinions of the arguments， so there’s no issue of the writing style， the story or character development to be of concern here。 You are free to still pick up this book and form your own opinion， to love it even when it’s rated 1 star by everyone else！On a side note， I guess this might be the end of self help and theoretical books experiment for me。 They are unfortunately too dry for my liking。 。。。more
Bianca Maria
，
I really enjoyed the book。 Since I never heard of Adler's philosophy， the book offered a good introduction for the topic。 Also， the used form of dialogue was great。 I really enjoyed the book。 Since I never heard of Adler's philosophy， the book offered a good introduction for the topic。 Also， the used form of dialogue was great。 。。。more
Becky Leslie
，
Very mixed views on this。 I really didn't like the way it was written as a dialogue between an annoying whiney 'youth' and the philosopher。 This was intended to make it more accessible but personally I would have preferred to just read an essay on the philosophy， which was essentially anti-determinism。 Some interesting points and a few good takeaways， but a lot of extreme and controversial arguements too。 Very mixed views on this。 I really didn't like the way it was written as a dialogue between an annoying whiney 'youth' and the philosopher。 This was intended to make it more accessible but personally I would have preferred to just read an essay on the philosophy， which was essentially anti-determinism。 Some interesting points and a few good takeaways， but a lot of extreme and controversial arguements too。 。。。more
seli larasati
，
Need to motivate mind， read this， this quite help me to thinking about me first， to appreciate myself first
Trang Pham
，
Bản thân mình đọc sách cũng nghiệm một vài điểu nho nhỏ trong số tất cả các triết lý có trong cuốn sách。 Nhưng điều mình thấy hài lòng nhất đó chính là thái độ， cách suy nghĩ và góc nhìn của mình đã thay đổi rất nhiều khi mình đọc xong cuối sách này。Đầu tiên là thuyết mục đích của nhà tâm lý học Adler dạy chúng ta quá khứ và hoàn cảnh là động lực cho chúng ta ở hiện tại chứ không phải là thứ quyết định chúng ta ở hiện tại。 Mà chúng ta của hiện tại phụ thuộc vào mục đích sống của chúng ta "cuộc đ Bản thân mình đọc sách cũng nghiệm một vài điểu nho nhỏ trong số tất cả các triết lý có trong cuốn sách。 Nhưng điều mình thấy hài lòng nhất đó chính là thái độ， cách suy nghĩ và góc nhìn của mình đã thay đổi rất nhiều khi mình đọc xong cuối sách này。Đầu tiên là thuyết mục đích của nhà tâm lý học Adler dạy chúng ta quá khứ và hoàn cảnh là động lực cho chúng ta ở hiện tại chứ không phải là thứ quyết định chúng ta ở hiện tại。 Mà chúng ta của hiện tại phụ thuộc vào mục đích sống của chúng ta "cuộc đời do chúng ta lựa chọn"Điều mình ấn tượng thứ 2 là đó "hiểu về sự tự ti"， mình là đứa rất hay để ý người khác và để ý suy nghĩ của người khác nghĩ gì về mình nên có rất nhiều lúc mình cảm thấy tự ti và tự kỷ ám thị bản thân mình thật tệ， nhưng mình đã học cách phớt lờ suy nghĩ của người khác， sống theo đúng mục đích， mục tiêu， tập trung vào mong muốn của mình nhiều hơn， quan tâm đến suy nghĩ của bản thân nhiều hơn。Còn rất nhiều triết lý khác nữa mà các bạn phải tự đọc， tự ngẫm nè。 Bản thân mình thấy nếu như bạn nào cảm thấy đang mơ hồ về cuộc sống， băn khoan về cách sống， hướng đi và cách suy nghĩ của bản thân thì nên tìm đến cuốn sách này đọc luôn nhé。 Mình đã có một khoảng thời gian loay hoay， không tin tưởng bản thân nhưng đến bây h khi đọc xong mình đã có những quyết định， hành động thật sự phù hợp và mình cảm thấy rất hài lòng。Hy vọng tất cả mn đều có những thay đổi tích cực khi đọc xong cuốn sách này。 。。。more
Citra Satriafi
，
Aku suka dengan penjelasan dan pilihan kata yang dipakai disini。 Beberapa bagian terdengar sedikit kejam untuk seseorang yang "mengaku" memiliki trauma sepertiku。 Tapi beberapa bagian justru mengingatkanku pada ajaran-ajaran yang kerap kali ditanamkan padaku。 Ya， itu salah satu kemewahan yang baru aku sadari。 Tidak pernah dituntut， tidak pernah dibebani ekspektasi， bahkan tidak pernah dibebani dengan "piutang" yang harus aku bayarkan。 Ringan saja， memang hidup yang demikian。 Tapi， kesepian kadan Aku suka dengan penjelasan dan pilihan kata yang dipakai disini。 Beberapa bagian terdengar sedikit kejam untuk seseorang yang "mengaku" memiliki trauma sepertiku。 Tapi beberapa bagian justru mengingatkanku pada ajaran-ajaran yang kerap kali ditanamkan padaku。 Ya， itu salah satu kemewahan yang baru aku sadari。 Tidak pernah dituntut， tidak pernah dibebani ekspektasi， bahkan tidak pernah dibebani dengan "piutang" yang harus aku bayarkan。 Ringan saja， memang hidup yang demikian。 Tapi， kesepian kadang membuat beberqpa hari terasa aneh。 Pada dasarnya， untukku， buku ini seperti ringkasan hal-hal yang disampaikan orang-orang di sekitarku。 Dan aku bersyukur akhirnya aku menemukan ide Adler ini dibaca banyak orang。 。。。more
Micyukcha
，
A useful book that serves as a contrast to the mostly past-driven psychology （trauma， parents， etc） that make up the mainstream narrative。 For me， the key learnings were:- introduction to Adlerian psychology: with it， the concept of etiology vs teleology （I find myself in the middle， there are too many macro patterns with racism or abuse to say there is zero cause in our environment）， but to have a counterweight of idea "trauma is in your mind" makes things seem less deterministic。- the twin com A useful book that serves as a contrast to the mostly past-driven psychology （trauma， parents， etc） that make up the mainstream narrative。 For me， the key learnings were:- introduction to Adlerian psychology: with it， the concept of etiology vs teleology （I find myself in the middle， there are too many macro patterns with racism or abuse to say there is zero cause in our environment）， but to have a counterweight of idea "trauma is in your mind" makes things seem less deterministic。- the twin complexes "inferiority/superiority": this is more present in social media。 it is easy to compare yourself to ideal versions of yourself， others， expectations。 how do you get to "self-acceptance"。- the idea of a "life-lie": I think we have all heard variants of this （"get married， get a good job， study hard！"） and how it used to distract from the three primary tasks of life （work， friends/community， love） and the two objectives （to be self-reliant and to be in harmony with society）。- all interpersonal problems result from intruding （or letting others intrude） on yours/their three primary tasks and thus their two objectives。- the idea of courage is: not being concerned by other people's judgments （this seems like a slippery slope in a society but it is also about having boundaries）。- interest in others （as opposed to self-interest， very anti-Adam Smith） being the source of community， and to put trust in others， even if it exposes yourself to being taken advantage （very anti-capitalist）， Kishimi even uses the c word （"comrade"）！ ヽ（°〇°）ﾉ- to not praise/rebuke: this is to avoid establishing interpersonal implicit hierarchy and "vertical" relationships， one should seek "horizontal" relationships。 in the context of self， this also means doing away with such things as self-affirmations。 practice walking together， not against each other。- life has no meaning。 true to the individualistic non-judgemental spirit， there is no common （THE） meaning （OF LIFE）。I waffled between 3-4 stars because of the format。 Kishimi uses a Socratic dialogue between a youth and a philosopher that reads like a play and sits between first-person （you implicitly assume the youth's pov） and third-person。 I struggled with this a bit （"I'm not sure I would have said that。" and "I have a question！"） but overall， the message is adjacent and contrasting to the typical self-help/psychology books， that I found it refreshing， despite the messenger's choice of format （which does actually work through many counter-arguments in a progressive way）。To me， Alderian psychology presented in the Kishimi lens represented an introduction to a goal-based， now-focused， less-fear-based approach/perspective that can be liberating depending on your personality and situation。 I found myself considering its message several days after reading its last page， which generally is a good sign。 。。。more
Ellaine
，
A sweet， bitter pill worth taking over and over to break free from erroneous social conditioning。
Boryana
，
Точната книга за точния момент
Amanda ✨
，
3。5- An interesting book on Adlerian psychology
novelfables
，
Rating Scale: ★★★★★ - A favorite forever！★★★★☆ - Loved it。★★★☆☆ - Liked it。★★☆☆☆ - It's okay。★☆☆☆☆ - Nope。 Immediate review: I've been suffering from a case of impostor syndrome due to a lateral move at work and needed to snap out of it。 This book eased my tension and was an all-embracing philosophical book for self-reflection。Important reminders of philosophies that hold the key to happiness and my personal takeaways: There is no yesterday or tomorrow; there's only right now。 If you live l Rating Scale: ★★★★★ - A favorite forever！★★★★☆ - Loved it。★★★☆☆ - Liked it。★★☆☆☆ - It's okay。★☆☆☆☆ - Nope。 Immediate review: I've been suffering from a case of impostor syndrome due to a lateral move at work and needed to snap out of it。 This book eased my tension and was an all-embracing philosophical book for self-reflection。Important reminders of philosophies that hold the key to happiness and my personal takeaways: There is no yesterday or tomorrow; there's only right now。 If you live life earnestly in the present moment， you need not worry about what tomorrow holds or what yesterday made you feel。 There's no right or wrong way to move through the dance of life， so why should we worry needlessly and fuel anxieties about things that are out of our control？ What's done and what's to come are not tangible; we have no way to alter what was or what might be。 So let it go and focus your mind on what you can do right now in this very moment。Other people's views and life don't concern you。 You can't control what other people think， say， or do， so why sit in fear of how they might perceive you？ It would be best if you held your self-worth to a better version of yourself， not others。 Do not compete or compare your being with others。 Anyways， I needed this book and its presented ideas were invaluable at this very moment in my life。 I would recommend this one to anyone who might not be happy with the way life is right now。 novelfables。com Instagram 。。。more
Miss Chocolate
，
Ne znam uopće zašto sam se zakačila za ovu knjigu i odlučila ju pročitati， ali za nju valjda vrijedi da neke knjige nađu tebe。 Moram priznati da nisam puno očekivala niti sam mislila da ću ju dovršiti， ali u konačnici je to ipak knjiga koju želim imati na svojim policama。 Vrlo je jednostavna za čitanje， s mnogo lijepih i primjenjivih poruka。 Kroz ugodan dijalog postepeno otkriva novu， primjenjivu filozofiju koja svakome， neovisno o životnoj situaciji može dobro doći。 Moje preporuke！
Lydia Fung
，
Great book to learn about the psychological and philosophical principles suggested by Alfred Adler。 A good self-improvement book with interesting perspectives that would help you to live without being controlled by the past and have a better understanding on the nature of interpersonal relationships。
Wander Wall
，
I can't wait to read more from you！ If you have some great pieces like this one， you can publish it on Novel Star， just submit your story to hardy@novelstar。top or joye@novelstar。top I can't wait to read more from you！ If you have some great pieces like this one， you can publish it on Novel Star， just submit your story to hardy@novelstar。top or joye@novelstar。top 。。。more
Katherine
，
Insightful I’ll definitely be reading parts of this one again。 It’s deep， but the information there is worth a slower read
Soniuca
，
This book was for me the perfect example of going from "wow that's a really cool perspective" to "w h a t t h e h e c k"。Between （daddy） Freudian aetiology and Alder's teleology， I resonate with the fact that the truth is somewhere in between （the past does influence the future， if it wouldn't， why does triggers exists？） and Alder's perspective that it's important to see where we have "irrational" thinking in the present （which is a big contradiction since it basically proves that our present is This book was for me the perfect example of going from "wow that's a really cool perspective" to "w h a t t h e h e c k"。Between （daddy） Freudian aetiology and Alder's teleology， I resonate with the fact that the truth is somewhere in between （the past does influence the future， if it wouldn't， why does triggers exists？） and Alder's perspective that it's important to see where we have "irrational" thinking in the present （which is a big contradiction since it basically proves that our present is influenced by the lens of the past， irrational thinking->result of trauma）I prefer the integrative approach in psychology， I belive that's mainly why I didn't get to enjoy the book as much。 I liked the way it was written （a person can get more insight if it's written in the form of a dialogue I guess）。 The "what the heck" effect started when I've read about how there is "no such thing as trauma"。。。 。。。more
Marsa
，
Eren jaeger would have loved adlerian psychology
Aylin Duong
，
Sẽ đọc lại lần 2 :）
Senam Fiagbenya
，
Good The message in the book may be entirely new or too striking， but it’s put in a way that makes old principles easier to understand and work with。 1。 All problems are interpersonal: I loved and agreed to this。 Without others， life loses all meaning and purpose。2。 Relationships should be horizontal and not vertical。 I call is love and mutual respect。 Good fuels any successful social life。3。 Communal living and contribution: Service is the most meaningful way to remain happy。 So it’s all true a Good The message in the book may be entirely new or too striking， but it’s put in a way that makes old principles easier to understand and work with。 1。 All problems are interpersonal: I loved and agreed to this。 Without others， life loses all meaning and purpose。2。 Relationships should be horizontal and not vertical。 I call is love and mutual respect。 Good fuels any successful social life。3。 Communal living and contribution: Service is the most meaningful way to remain happy。 So it’s all true and practical。 。。。more
Yvonne Janot
，
I didn't care much for the dialogue that is used here to dive into the Adlerian theory。 However， if you are new to 19th century psychotherapy， I recommend starting with this work as Kishimi delivers a very easy read although at times it is a bit 'preachy' for my taste。 Whether you agree with Adler's theory is a different matter。 I didn't care much for the dialogue that is used here to dive into the Adlerian theory。 However， if you are new to 19th century psychotherapy， I recommend starting with this work as Kishimi delivers a very easy read although at times it is a bit 'preachy' for my taste。 Whether you agree with Adler's theory is a different matter。 。。。more
Mikayla Fulper
，
The point and message of the book is a good one。 My poor rating is based solely on the style the author chose to portray the message 😭 The whole thing is written as a conversation between a philosopher and some irritable “youth” and the “conversation” is so stiff it drives your crazyIt doesn’t flow easily。 I finished it but dang I couldn’t recommend it to someone because the writing distracts from the important teachings
Rita Baião
，
Some of the concepts were interesting to read and think about， but all together I found it a bit simplistic and didn't feel engaged。 Some of the concepts were interesting to read and think about， but all together I found it a bit simplistic and didn't feel engaged。 。。。more
Sandy Postlethwayt
，
Great shift in perspective for me， so thanks for that。 I just feel like it could have been conveyed in a better and more "simple to understand" type of way。。。 one of the core concepts is that life is simple， I feel like they need to apply it to the way the story is told or the psychology is explained。 Great shift in perspective for me， so thanks for that。 I just feel like it could have been conveyed in a better and more "simple to understand" type of way。。。 one of the core concepts is that life is simple， I feel like they need to apply it to the way the story is told or the psychology is explained。 。。。more
Heather
，
I picked this book up based on a plea from a friend。 She was reading it and wanted someone to talk to about Adler's theories presented。 I honestly struggled to stay engaged and continue reading it。 A lot of that has to do with my personal responsibilities taking up so much time but a lot of it had to do with the structure as well as the content。 It is written in a classical dialog format where an unnamed youth comes to a philosopher for discussion。 Throughout the book the youth makes his case wh I picked this book up based on a plea from a friend。 She was reading it and wanted someone to talk to about Adler's theories presented。 I honestly struggled to stay engaged and continue reading it。 A lot of that has to do with my personal responsibilities taking up so much time but a lot of it had to do with the structure as well as the content。 It is written in a classical dialog format where an unnamed youth comes to a philosopher for discussion。 Throughout the book the youth makes his case while the philosopher is tasked with presenting Adler's psychological theories to refute， or educate， the youth。 I did not like this format at all。 While I was trying to understand and relate to the youth， I was simultaneously trying to understand and apply the philosopher's responses。 I would have much preferred the perspective of the philosopher only。 I think it would have been less confusing。 Eventually， I stopped reading the youth's perspective and read the philosopher's dialog。 That helped me to relate more to the content。 I did walk away with some interesting quotes and nuggets that I will try to apply to my life:* Y: Effective communication tools other than anger。。。 P: We have language。 We can communicate through language。 Believe in the power of language and the language of logic。 （pg 88）* We are not living to satisfy other people's expectations。 （pg 117）* Discard other people's tasks。 There is a simple way to tell whose task it is。 Think: "Who ultimately is going to receive the result brought about by the choice that is made？"。 Intervening in other people's tasks and taking on other people's tasks turns one's life into something heavy and full of hardship。 Learn the boundary "From here on， that is not my task"。 And discard other people's tasks。 That is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler。 （pg 124）* For a human being， the greatest unhappiness is not being able to like oneself。 Adler came up with an extremely simple answer to address this reality。 Namely， the feel of "I am beneficial to the community" or "I am of use to someone" is the only thing that can give one a true awareness that one has worth。 （pg 233）* Happiness is the feeling of contribution。 That is the definition of happiness。 （pg 234）* If one's means for gaining a feeling of contribution turns out to be "being recognized by others，" in the long run， one will have no choice but to walk through life in accordance with other people's wishes。 There is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through the desire for recognition。 （pg 236）* Life is a series of moments， which one lives as if one were dancing， right now， around and around each passing instant。 … Among those who have danced the dance of the violin， there are people who stay the course and become professional musicians。 Among those who have danced the dance of the bar examination， there are people who become lawyers。 There are people who have danced the dance of writing and become authors。 Of course， it also happens that people end up in entirely different places。 But none of these lives came to an end "en route。" It is enough if one finds fulfillment in the here and now one is dancing。 （pg 249）* We should live more earnestly only here and now。 The fact that you think you can see the past， or predict the future， is proof that rather than living earnestly here and now， you are living in a dim twilight。 Life is a series of moments， and neither the past nor the future exists。 （pg 253） 。。。more
Anh
，
For me personally， this book is really worth reading。 The author and his mentor have been spending numerous years studying on Adler philosophy and Greek psychology， even if I wanted to judge their conclusion， I do not have enough knowledge and years of experience with regard to the same topic。 I love the way the book conveys its messages， and how it encompasses the majority of my queries: every time the authors proposed an idea which make me feel confused or couldn't accept his idea， right after For me personally， this book is really worth reading。 The author and his mentor have been spending numerous years studying on Adler philosophy and Greek psychology， even if I wanted to judge their conclusion， I do not have enough knowledge and years of experience with regard to the same topic。 I love the way the book conveys its messages， and how it encompasses the majority of my queries: every time the authors proposed an idea which make me feel confused or couldn't accept his idea， right after that or in the next chapter they managed to tie up all the loose ends。 Of course there are a lot of things I haven't yet completely agreed with them， but I think I still have to gain a lot more knowledge to be able to either accept or dismantle their arguments。 。。。more
Alice Mi
，
Interesting approach on "How to be happy？"This book is a real help to understand why we are encountering problem in our interpersonal relationship and how to face them to reach the stage of happiness。 It may be easy to just say "Enjoy your life as it is， don't look at the past nor the future and only the present" but to do so we have to go on our own journey。 Kishimi and Koga are both giving advices so we can start dancing in our life。 Interesting approach on "How to be happy？"This book is a real help to understand why we are encountering problem in our interpersonal relationship and how to face them to reach the stage of happiness。 It may be easy to just say "Enjoy your life as it is， don't look at the past nor the future and only the present" but to do so we have to go on our own journey。 Kishimi and Koga are both giving advices so we can start dancing in our life。 。。。more
Daisy Hale
，