Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live

Please Yourself: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Transform the Way You Live

  • Downloads:8851
  • Type:Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date:2021-04-11 11:51:34
  • Update Date:2025-09-07
  • Status:finish
  • Author:Emma Reed Turrell
  • ISBN:0008409382
  • Environment:PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle

Summary

The Courage to be Disliked meets The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: an essential, inspirational, wise and forgiving book that will liberate the people pleaser inside us all。




This book will teach you how to be you



We all know how it feels to want people to like us, to approve of us, to accept us。 It’s part of what makes us human。 And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to support other people and help them satisfy their needs。


The problem comes when we give up our own needs along the way。


Because when we give to make others like us or approve of us, to shore up our own sense of self-worth, to feel needed or to avoid painful emotions, then we give to get。 And rarely do we get what we really need。


Emma Reed Turrell works with people pleasers every day in her clinical practice as a psychotherapist – clients wrestling with the complicated dilemmas of a life in which you can’t please everyone, but you don’t yet have the permission you need to please yourself。


In this groundbreaking, reassuring and essential book she presents an alternative to people-pleasing。 Through the stories of people-pleasers across all walks of life she offers insights and techniques that will help you understand yourself more fully and live more authentically。


It will help you get better at being disliked, instead of staying quiet。 It will help you recover instead of fearing failure。 It will teach you acceptance instead of avoidance and show you how to grow instead of staying small。


Above all it will help you care better for others, without taking on their problems, through caring better for yourself。

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Reviews

Stephanie Relf

I didn’t realise how much of a people pleaser I was until I read this。 Full of so much wisdom!

Lalizziebethh

This book explores people pleasing, why we learn to do it and why it can make is unhappy in our relationships。 I read it after listening to an interview with the author on Elizabeth Day's podcast。I initially felt a bit apprehensive about reading it as I feel in the west we are already prone to being too self centered and not considering others enough。 However a lot of what was written resonated with me about how people pleasing is often a strategy to protect ourselves and our own emotions and se This book explores people pleasing, why we learn to do it and why it can make is unhappy in our relationships。 I read it after listening to an interview with the author on Elizabeth Day's podcast。I initially felt a bit apprehensive about reading it as I feel in the west we are already prone to being too self centered and not considering others enough。 However a lot of what was written resonated with me about how people pleasing is often a strategy to protect ourselves and our own emotions and self perception rather than helping others。I really liked how she used case studies of clients who due to early life experiences developed different patterns of people pleasing and explained how that impacted their current relationships。 I think the book was good at illustrating why people pleasing makes us unhappy and resentful but could have spent more time explaining how to address it。 The book made me reflect on situations where I had sought to people please particularly at work and that the end result had been creating higher expectations and burnout rather than a successful working relationship。 I have noticed since reading it that I am more aware of my instinct to people please and recently when someone made an unreasonable demand I felt more comfortable turning it down。 。。。more

Francesca Dunne

If you're a people pleaser, you'll immediately see yourself in this excellent book。 Sometimes I laughed at the truth of it! But people pleasing can also be so sad。 If you're not sure if you're a people pleaser, then you probably are and you should definitely give this a read in order to practice some healthier habits within all types of relationships in your life, especially the one with yourself If you're a people pleaser, you'll immediately see yourself in this excellent book。 Sometimes I laughed at the truth of it! But people pleasing can also be so sad。 If you're not sure if you're a people pleaser, then you probably are and you should definitely give this a read in order to practice some healthier habits within all types of relationships in your life, especially the one with yourself 。。。more

Kate Henderson

The title of this book jumped out at me, and I knew this book was one for me!However, the book itself was lacking any substance and was very dull。 I wanted more advice and tips that I could put into practice, but I just felt that Emma Reed Turrell was writing about previous patients and their stories。 Not what I was wanting, and not what I expected。 Disappointed!

Helen

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review – thanks as always to Netgalley for sending this to me!Please Yourself is a self-help book basically made for me。 People-pleasing has been an issue for me for basically my entire adult life, and honestly, I’m tired of it。 I find myself constantly bending over backwards to please other people, to the benefit of no one – it breeds contempt in others and resentment in myself。 When this book came up on my Netgalley f I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review – thanks as always to Netgalley for sending this to me!Please Yourself is a self-help book basically made for me。 People-pleasing has been an issue for me for basically my entire adult life, and honestly, I’m tired of it。 I find myself constantly bending over backwards to please other people, to the benefit of no one – it breeds contempt in others and resentment in myself。 When this book came up on my Netgalley feed, it seemed sent specifically for me。 I’ve never found self-help books to be massively useful before, but this one really struck a chord with me。Emma Turrell is a therapist by trade, and as such, this book is a combination of advice, suggestions, and anecdotes that all help you to examine your people-pleasing tendencies and challenge them head-on。 It’s full of actionable advice and offers suggestions or even scripts of how to handle difficult situations, which I find massively helpful。 As someone who struggles with conflict, having some rote responses suggested to me struck me as really helpful。 Now I don’t have to find the words to extricate myself from people-pleasing situations, because some have already been provided for me!It’s strange, but I think that I’ve almost been searching for permission to displease people。 Something that’s emphasized in this book is that it’s okay if people don’t like you, if your actions are an inconvenience, if you don’t choose to make someone else’s life easier, that it doesn’t make you a bad person。 It’s silly, because so much of what was written in this book was common sense, and yet I feel like I just needed someone to point it out to me。 I remember going to my sibling and saying in awe “It’s okay if someone doesn’t like me。” Meanwhile they rolled their eyes at me like “duh。” There were lots of little moments in this book, where a seemingly obvious truth bonked me on the head。 People-pleasing is ultimately a selfish act! It’s about managing other people to avoid a reaction you don’t want! It’s manipulative! All of which makes me feel better about not doing it。 Even the simple act of reading the book, before I’d even finished it, encouraged me to start working on anti-people-pleasing strategies。 Not everything in this book was applicable to me – there was a section about child-raising that I largely skimmed, given that one pleasing impulse I have and will never surrender to is having kids to appease my mother, and a section on people pleasers who’ve been socialised as male – but even the stuff that didn’t necessarily fit me had things in it that could still be taken note of。 The writing style is also very simple and accessible, which meant that no part of the reading experience was a chore。 Everything here was digestible and easy to understand。 Overall, I found this book to be extremely useful and eye-opening – more so than I expected, honestly。 I’ll definitely be referring back to it in the future, and here’s hoping that the lessons will stick with me and foil more of my pleasing tendencies in the future! 。。。more