Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-04-10 09:51:23
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：John Kim
- ISBN：0062980734
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
The author of I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck， The Angry Therapist， now teaches you how to prioritize your relationship with yourself and live a more meaningful life， whether you’re alone， dating， or with a partner。
There’s more to life than loving someone。 But being single can feel like a death sentence。 Why does being alone = being lonely？ And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship？
After a painful divorce， “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own。 He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself， going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled。
Kim has gone on to help thousands of clients find their own unique way to break free of expectations and finally live their truth。 With Single on Purpose， Kim takes his signature no-BS “self-help in a shot glass” approach as he shares his own singlehood story and shows readers how to own their shit， break their patterns， and find a grounded sense of self。
Spending time to cultivate your relationship with yourself shouldn’t be something you only do when you hit rock bottom， go through a major loss， or have a quarter-life crisis。 All of us， at some point， need to be single—on purpose。
There’s more to life than loving someone。 But being single can feel like a death sentence。 Why does being alone = being lonely？ And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship？
After a painful divorce， “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own。 He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself， going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled。
Kim has gone on to help thousands of clients find their own unique way to break free of expectations and finally live their truth。 With Single on Purpose， Kim takes his signature no-BS “self-help in a shot glass” approach as he shares his own singlehood story and shows readers how to own their shit， break their patterns， and find a grounded sense of self。
Spending time to cultivate your relationship with yourself shouldn’t be something you only do when you hit rock bottom， go through a major loss， or have a quarter-life crisis。 All of us， at some point， need to be single—on purpose。
Reviews
Laura Luther
，
I wish I had been required to read this in high school。 Or at least college。 So good。
Nick Salenga
，
This is a great book that will allow you to connect to your true self， treat your mind better， let go of your relationship residue， discover new you， & then go have in healthy & honesty sex。
Christina Busche
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This book is a mixed bag。 Some of the advice is excellent; some markedly less so。 A lot of it is common sense （e。g。 “Love and relationships are only one part of your life， not your entire life”）， but it bears repeating for anyone prone to pity parties。 Accepting the reality that you may never find The One is heart-wrenching， but important as it allows you to move forward with your life rather than constantly waiting and wishing。 There’s a lot of things in this category that he reiterates and his This book is a mixed bag。 Some of the advice is excellent; some markedly less so。 A lot of it is common sense （e。g。 “Love and relationships are only one part of your life， not your entire life”）， but it bears repeating for anyone prone to pity parties。 Accepting the reality that you may never find The One is heart-wrenching， but important as it allows you to move forward with your life rather than constantly waiting and wishing。 There’s a lot of things in this category that he reiterates and his bluntness is both painful and weirdly soothing。 On the other hand， he and I have very different philosophies on relationships in general， a fact best illustrated by a chapter entitled “Now Go F*ck Somebody。” I understand his point that hookups can help you get out of your head， but at what cost？ If his own life stories are any example， this lifestyle leads a trail of bodies and broken hearts （albeit with some lessons along the way）。 Initially， I liked Kim’s self-described “no-B。S。 self-help in a shot glass” approach， but it wore a bit thin halfway through the book， as I don’t think swearing = authenticity in every case。 That said， I’ll take the good bits （e。g。 self-care isn’t always cake for breakfast and bubble baths） and discard the rest。 Overall， not a total waste of time， but I can’t recommend the book either。 。。。more
Nur Syahirah
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It helps me deal with my breakup phase and shift the focus on myself。 If you have a codependent problem with your ex or feel like already losing yourself after a bad breakup， this is a suitable book to read。 A step-by-step self-care and reflection that you need。 A good slap of reality to stop yourself from endlessly crying and felt helpless after you lost a partner。
Mahalia Odquin
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When I finished this book， I had to read it again - instantly。I like John Kim and this book for it's honesty。 It makes you reflect on your actions， thoughts and desires。 It helps you identify what fuels them and most importantly， how to rewrite them。Kim is raw and vulnerable， sharing things most professionals in his field probably wouldn't share about themselves。 His insecurities， his flaws， things he has tried， desired and abused that are taboo or untraditional。 It is refreshing because it remi When I finished this book， I had to read it again - instantly。I like John Kim and this book for it's honesty。 It makes you reflect on your actions， thoughts and desires。 It helps you identify what fuels them and most importantly， how to rewrite them。Kim is raw and vulnerable， sharing things most professionals in his field probably wouldn't share about themselves。 His insecurities， his flaws， things he has tried， desired and abused that are taboo or untraditional。 It is refreshing because it reminds you， we are all so human。What I like most about Kim's message in this book is to change what we control in the face of singlehood （or relationships） and that is ourselves。 We need to stop hoping for these past traumas， voids and holes in our selves to be filled or patched up by the company of others and find ways to fill them by ourself for ourself。This book gives you the confidence to rediscover your identity and start building a life that is yours。 It helps you think about who you were before the pressures of society， your family and your partner came in and told you how to be。 It zooms out of the scene that is your current situation and says， remember you have a WHOLE life。 Let's fill it with experiences that make you feel alive， that actually count as 'living' and not just existing。It's not a book for singles， it's a book for individuals。 Don't lose yourself in others。 Feed your soul。 。。。more
Drew Denham
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Notes:Annual friendship audit Growth isn’t constant， just because you’ve done work on yourself doesn’t mean you’re done or won’t snap back into old ways。 Working on yourself is a never ending process。 Even more self work is needed when you’re in a relationship than when your single。 The chances of you retuning to who you used to be before you embarked on your self betterment journey are much greater。 Why？ First / priority goes to the relationship and not - you。 Difference between compromise and Notes:Annual friendship audit Growth isn’t constant， just because you’ve done work on yourself doesn’t mean you’re done or won’t snap back into old ways。 Working on yourself is a never ending process。 Even more self work is needed when you’re in a relationship than when your single。 The chances of you retuning to who you used to be before you embarked on your self betterment journey are much greater。 Why？ First / priority goes to the relationship and not - you。 Difference between compromise and compromise of self。 When you stop working on yourself you start drifting。 You fall into old patterns。 Your relationship with yourself starts to collapse。 Time machine / produced feeling Step one - notice how you play back the past or imagine the future Step two - break the pattern Step three - create new thoughts and feelings。 Think about things that make you feel hopeful。 New thoughts。 Anxiety and panic vs。 gratitude and joy！ Play a different movie。 Step four - repeat 。。。more
Shani
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Some great gems of advice however， I did not connect with the content of the book very much。 The author and his motivation in writing the book obviously stems from his personal experience which I as a reader cannot connect to。 My romantic relationships are not driven by sex， which seemed to be a common theme in the relationships described in the book。 Worth a read if you keep hitting walls in your relationships and sex plays a role in some way。。。
Christabel Sansone
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Obviously will rate 5 stars ！！ Big fan of John Kim！！！ This book is his memorial/ finding your own truth - inner growth。 The title is a bit misleading but as the disclaimer says:“ This is NOT an anti- relationship book。 This is a pro-relationship （with yourself） book。”Looking forward for more books of John Kim - The angry Therapist！
Rachel Smith
，
Fantastic。 ""Closure" requires nothing from the other person involved。 It does not require an answer， an apology， or an explanation。 If it did， very few people would truly be able to move on because most relationships end unsettled and unresolved。 Rarely do we get to sit down with our exes and explain ourselves。 Breakups have messy endings， and the only thing you can do about it is explore your own self。 This is where you will find closure。 But closure is not a situation where one door needs to Fantastic。 ""Closure" requires nothing from the other person involved。 It does not require an answer， an apology， or an explanation。 If it did， very few people would truly be able to move on because most relationships end unsettled and unresolved。 Rarely do we get to sit down with our exes and explain ourselves。 Breakups have messy endings， and the only thing you can do about it is explore your own self。 This is where you will find closure。 But closure is not a situation where one door needs to close in order for another to open。 Closure is a process。 It is a journey。 Some days you will reflect on what happened and have strong feelings about it。 On other days you won't。 As with any loss， the intensity of your feelings will go up and down and those feelings will come and go。 Until they go more than they come。Nothing is ever truly closed。 You will always remember， and you will have feelings attached to those memories。 But the feelings can change as you embark on the journey of closure which will take you inward to explore yourself。" 。。。more
Hannah Mutters
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I really enjoyed this book it's a great reminder of ways to find your value， forget about the blue print and enjoy being who you are。 I really enjoyed this book it's a great reminder of ways to find your value， forget about the blue print and enjoy being who you are。 。。。more
Katie
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This was okay but it was more of one guys personal account。 It’s good stuff though but nothing most people don’t already know。 Or maybe that’s just me， someone who’s been single forever。
Yazo GM
，
I liked it because It made me think a lot about how we sumerge ourselves in relationships and we forget that the most important person is ourselves。 Yes， we definitely should date ourselves even when we are in relationship。 It was good book
Jimbritt75
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A little basic and very much all over the place， but readable and some interesting insights on how to get over relationships。
Laura
，
For a book about the beauty of being single and connecting with yourself it focuses an awful lot around who we are in romantic relationships and romantic relationships in general。 It started off pretty good and then just trickled into sex and romance。
Rene Low
，
Audiobook Parts of this I really liked and learned from and some felt like click bait。 I really liked the real stories of people’s lives because I could relate and it felt true。 I had been practicing getting out of my thoughts but the most powerful thing for me in this book was the idea of dropping into my body。 So much of this book I’d heard or read before but that was a revelation。 Another reviewer that is happy to be single pointed out that this book is formed around the premise that we are a Audiobook Parts of this I really liked and learned from and some felt like click bait。 I really liked the real stories of people’s lives because I could relate and it felt true。 I had been practicing getting out of my thoughts but the most powerful thing for me in this book was the idea of dropping into my body。 So much of this book I’d heard or read before but that was a revelation。 Another reviewer that is happy to be single pointed out that this book is formed around the premise that we are all at our happiest when we are a couple which seems counter to the title of this book which implies being single on purpose is a good thing。 John Kim seems to thing it is only good if you are using your singledom to improve yourself， grow and get ready to couple。 I think there is something to be said about being single on purpose for its own sake 。。。more
Holly
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Not single but read before passing to someone who I thought might benefit。 Highly recommend whether you’re single or in a very serious relationship or even marriage。
Mary Thomas
，
Absolutely empowering and motivating。 One of the best “self help” books I’ve ever read。 He doesn’t bullshit， gives it to you straight， at one point even saying you have to accept that maybe you’ll never find “your person。” But that’s what so many need。 Highly recommend to anyone questioning their worth， navigating single-hood， or feeling off in their relationship—whether that’s through co-dependency or feeling like they’ve lost themselves in their partner。 10/10！
Lexi Halamandaris
，
This book has some good nuggets of advice and a conversational writing style that makes “Single On Purpose” an easy， fun read。I wouldn’t say this book is life changing or a *must read* but has some reminders that apply to everyone regardless of relationship status i。e。 making time for activities that make you feel connected to yourself like exercise or meditation。
Olivia
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Cringe。。If you're going through a breakup this would be a reassuring book to read， but if you're through it， it's just self-help dribble。My justification for reading this is that I'm being consciously single for the first time in my adult life and was interested in getting more out of this period， but if you've already figured out the importance of being single， and don't carry any shame around it， this is not a helpful book。 Way too much focus on the author's relationship history （which is very Cringe。。If you're going through a breakup this would be a reassuring book to read， but if you're through it， it's just self-help dribble。My justification for reading this is that I'm being consciously single for the first time in my adult life and was interested in getting more out of this period， but if you've already figured out the importance of being single， and don't carry any shame around it， this is not a helpful book。 Way too much focus on the author's relationship history （which is very unrelatable for people who aren't men， or those in their 20s without divorce or long-term relationship history）。 Was hoping for a deeper dive into societal pressures around relationships， and a focus on connecting with yourself more deeply， but instead it gave an overly-complicated suggestion of the very basic 'exercise and meet different kinds of people' route。 Annoyed to have used an Audible credit on this 。。。more
Vanessa Sacco
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Great book with fresh perspectives on modern dating and self acceptance。 Highly recommend to any friend despite his or her relationship status。
Rachael
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While I am currently in a healthy and committed relationship， my actions to get to this place were reaffirmed by this book and I was left understanding the importance of needing to continue that relationship with myself in order to show up within my relationship with my partner; fully， openly and present in the moment。 So much of why I had done what I'd done in past relationships made sense to be and I am able to reflect on that and move forward in much healthier and positive ways。 Whether you'r While I am currently in a healthy and committed relationship， my actions to get to this place were reaffirmed by this book and I was left understanding the importance of needing to continue that relationship with myself in order to show up within my relationship with my partner; fully， openly and present in the moment。 So much of why I had done what I'd done in past relationships made sense to be and I am able to reflect on that and move forward in much healthier and positive ways。 Whether you're single， in a relationship or somewhere in between， you need to pick up this book and give it a read/listen。 。。。more
Ning Kantida
，
It’s not a groundbreaking book and I feel like the title is little misleading。 This book is not actually about happiness from being single， but how to be happy as an individual with self-worth。If you want some light ideas that will nudge you toward self-betterment journey then this book might be a good start。 Though， there are more profound books out there if you want something more than this book offers。
Kassie
，
This book was exactly what I needed in the 48 hours following a sudden break-up that I did not see coming。 As someone who regularly looks to be a better person， I found myself enthralled in reading this book。 John Kim is like a reflection of every person in the helping field。 We give so much of ourselves to others and rarely see how our relationship with ourselves impacts our own relationships when we don't like ourselves。 Whether I take an "Eat， Pray， Love" approach from this book or I take a " This book was exactly what I needed in the 48 hours following a sudden break-up that I did not see coming。 As someone who regularly looks to be a better person， I found myself enthralled in reading this book。 John Kim is like a reflection of every person in the helping field。 We give so much of ourselves to others and rarely see how our relationship with ourselves impacts our own relationships when we don't like ourselves。 Whether I take an "Eat， Pray， Love" approach from this book or I take a "Barbells， Paleo， and Friendship" approach such as that of John， I feel better equipped to get to know myself。 John is very firm about this book not being an "anti-relationship" book， but a "pro-relationship with yourself book" and I cannot more whole-heartedly agree。 。。。more
Lilly
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 “ Single On Purpose “ by John Kim is such a fantastic self development book & such a eye opening book。 I listened to it on audible and I really freaking loved it so much that the author was reading it。 I learned so much from this book and so many new lessons。 This book inspired me to focus on myself and the importance of singleness and how having friends is more important when you’re single than having a partner which I definitely agree on。 I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a good “ Single On Purpose “ by John Kim is such a fantastic self development book & such a eye opening book。 I listened to it on audible and I really freaking loved it so much that the author was reading it。 I learned so much from this book and so many new lessons。 This book inspired me to focus on myself and the importance of singleness and how having friends is more important when you’re single than having a partner which I definitely agree on。 I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a good mood booster。 4/5 stars only because some parts like him talking about going to fuck somebody or masturbation made me uncomfortable and I disagree with it。 I think that it’s not important and you should stay in your lane。 。。。more
Joshua
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I’ve listened to the authors previous book “I used to be a miserable f***” and enjoyed it for the most part， so I was excited for this one， because after coming to terms with the end of a serious relationship recently， I was seeking out books like this。And while the advice he was giving was kind of basic “work on yourself”。 I was enjoying it because I like the author as a person。I WAS enjoying it， that is， until I got to the chapter where the author encourages you to go out and screw someone new I’ve listened to the authors previous book “I used to be a miserable f***” and enjoyed it for the most part， so I was excited for this one， because after coming to terms with the end of a serious relationship recently， I was seeking out books like this。And while the advice he was giving was kind of basic “work on yourself”。 I was enjoying it because I like the author as a person。I WAS enjoying it， that is， until I got to the chapter where the author encourages you to go out and screw someone new。。。 uhh what？ That’s strange advice from a therapist， but ok。Don’t get me wrong， I’m far from a prude， but it’s because I’ve lived the “player lifestyle” I can tell you banging someone is the last thing you need after a break up， and it’s definitely not healthy。Kind of ruined the whole book for me， because while he does preface it with “work on your healing first”， if you’re someone who wants a positive and healthy relationship in the near future， a bunch of casual flings probably won’t help the cause。 。。。more
Pauline
，
This was a well written book。 I haven’t been this engrossed in a book in a long time。 It made me realize that choosing to be single is ok。 I have been single for two years and I am truly loving myself。 Thank you for writing a very down to earth book！
Lindsay
，
A lot of a mess， with some great points hidden amongst it。 Reading this is a little like going treasure hunting at a junkyard， there are some treasures but it will take perseverance and a bit of luck to find the nuggets of wisdom！ This isn’t necessarily a book about being single， or even a book about relationships。 It’s part anecdotal and part self help！ I liked his music choices at the end 👍🎵🎶
Jeanne
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Loved it！ Powered through the audiobook in a day。 Highly recommend this one if you're looking for a no bullshit way back to yourself， whether you're in a relationship or not。 Loved it！ Powered through the audiobook in a day。 Highly recommend this one if you're looking for a no bullshit way back to yourself， whether you're in a relationship or not。 。。。more
Tomas Thurman
，
Pretty simple and straight forward。 Great insights， simplified which can open you up to whatever paths you need to explore。 Personally this would have been great to read about 5 years ago when my first big relationship crashed because i alternatively decided to numb myself quite a bit instead of feeling through it all。 But a recent transition has me feeling much more connected with self。 This book offers humor and humility。 Very approachable and accessible。 Heartbreaks are indeed an invitation t Pretty simple and straight forward。 Great insights， simplified which can open you up to whatever paths you need to explore。 Personally this would have been great to read about 5 years ago when my first big relationship crashed because i alternatively decided to numb myself quite a bit instead of feeling through it all。 But a recent transition has me feeling much more connected with self。 This book offers humor and humility。 Very approachable and accessible。 Heartbreaks are indeed an invitation to be more spiritually in-tune with ourselves。 （Religious or not）。 This book gives great guidance to open up perspectives about healthier approaches to moving through the storms。 。。。more
Allison
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