How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love
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- Create Date：2021-04-09 08:51:41
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Logan Ury
- ISBN：0349428298
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Summary
In this funny and practical guide， a behavioral scientist turned dating coach helps you understand—and overcome—the hidden forces keeping you from finding lasting love。
Have you ever looked around and wondered， “Why has everyone found love except me？”
You’re not the only one。 We’ve gone from the first iPod （“1，000 songs in your pocket”） to Tinder—1，000 potential dates in your pocket。 Choosing a partner is harder now than ever before。
A lasting relationship doesn’t just appear in your life—it’s the culmination of a series of decisions， including when to get out there， whom to date， how to end it with the wrong person， when to settle down with the right one， and everything in between。 Often we don’t understand why we make certain choices， and that leads to mistakes。 And those mistakes thwart us on our quest to find love。
Drawing from years studying psychology and relationships， behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that fuel faulty decision-making and prevent us from finding love。 But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results。 Knowing you shouldn’t date “bad boys” or “manic pixie dream girls，” for example， doesn’t make them any less appealing—you have to actually change your behavior。 Ury shows you how。
You’ll discover what’s really holding you back in dating （it’s not what you think）， why your current dating app habits aren’t helping you find a great match （and how to fix them）， and why there’s no such thing as “The One” （but you’ll find love anyway）， and much， much more。
This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter—from setting up your dating app profile onward—and incorporates insights from behavioral science， original research， hands-on exercises， and stories about people just like you。 It’s designed to transform your love life。 How to Not Die Alone will help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
Have you ever looked around and wondered， “Why has everyone found love except me？”
You’re not the only one。 We’ve gone from the first iPod （“1，000 songs in your pocket”） to Tinder—1，000 potential dates in your pocket。 Choosing a partner is harder now than ever before。
A lasting relationship doesn’t just appear in your life—it’s the culmination of a series of decisions， including when to get out there， whom to date， how to end it with the wrong person， when to settle down with the right one， and everything in between。 Often we don’t understand why we make certain choices， and that leads to mistakes。 And those mistakes thwart us on our quest to find love。
Drawing from years studying psychology and relationships， behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that fuel faulty decision-making and prevent us from finding love。 But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results。 Knowing you shouldn’t date “bad boys” or “manic pixie dream girls，” for example， doesn’t make them any less appealing—you have to actually change your behavior。 Ury shows you how。
You’ll discover what’s really holding you back in dating （it’s not what you think）， why your current dating app habits aren’t helping you find a great match （and how to fix them）， and why there’s no such thing as “The One” （but you’ll find love anyway）， and much， much more。
This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter—from setting up your dating app profile onward—and incorporates insights from behavioral science， original research， hands-on exercises， and stories about people just like you。 It’s designed to transform your love life。 How to Not Die Alone will help you find， build， and keep the relationship of your dreams。
Reviews
Catherine Szuhay
，
This book has a lot of great advice on how to be open minded when entering the dating scene， how to navigate relationship issues and how to focus on yourself and a relationship。 There are also a lot of great frameworks for creating successful relationships and developing open communication for difficult conversations。 I recommend this book to anyone in all types of relationships or hoping to enter long term relationships。Favorite Quote: the author cites a quote from Esther Perel， “The quality of This book has a lot of great advice on how to be open minded when entering the dating scene， how to navigate relationship issues and how to focus on yourself and a relationship。 There are also a lot of great frameworks for creating successful relationships and developing open communication for difficult conversations。 I recommend this book to anyone in all types of relationships or hoping to enter long term relationships。Favorite Quote: the author cites a quote from Esther Perel， “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life。 Relationships are your story， write well， and edit often。” 。。。more
Kelsey
，
I'm really torn about this book。 I think the title is brilliant marketing designed to lure you in and appeals to our core desires。 There was a lot of interesting behavioral science information that was informative and well explained。 However， I really had a lot of issues with some of the content throughout most of the book， especially the language used around being single and how single hood is framed。 I understand that this book is primarily designed for single people to "find their person"， bu I'm really torn about this book。 I think the title is brilliant marketing designed to lure you in and appeals to our core desires。 There was a lot of interesting behavioral science information that was informative and well explained。 However， I really had a lot of issues with some of the content throughout most of the book， especially the language used around being single and how single hood is framed。 I understand that this book is primarily designed for single people to "find their person"， but I felt like there was a bit of shaming for those who are single。 There were sections where I felt the author was basically saying a person needs to settle for anyone that is remotely emotionally stable if their goal is to get married and have kids， which I really just think is not a great message。 Her breakup and marriage contract chapters were interesting though。 。。。more
Minjeong
，
Logan Ury is energetic， opinionated， and funny。 The chapters follow a progression， from finding people to date， to dating， and to committing to the partner and nurturing the relationship or breaking up。 I appreciated that she is able to provide a broad view of modern dating given her experience in coaching clients and in studying social psychology。 The book starts out by speaking to those who are single and looking， while the later chapters are for people who are in relationships。 I'd remind mys Logan Ury is energetic， opinionated， and funny。 The chapters follow a progression， from finding people to date， to dating， and to committing to the partner and nurturing the relationship or breaking up。 I appreciated that she is able to provide a broad view of modern dating given her experience in coaching clients and in studying social psychology。 The book starts out by speaking to those who are single and looking， while the later chapters are for people who are in relationships。 I'd remind myself and readers to read the social psychology examples with a critical mind; for instance， the study about money and happiness that says that happiness peaks with an income of $75，000 has recently been proven otherwise by a more recent study that looked at money， life satisfaction， and happiness。 。。。more
S
，
I appreciated that this book is not just practical， but it brings to bear a lot of the science behind why people do stuff in and around relationships， and how we can see more clearly and do better。 As ever， much of the information is not new， it's just things that we are not all aware of or don't pay attention to。I am not sure I would go so far as to fully use the tools and props she provides （that seems like it would take an especially dedicated type-A personality）， but it is nice to know about I appreciated that this book is not just practical， but it brings to bear a lot of the science behind why people do stuff in and around relationships， and how we can see more clearly and do better。 As ever， much of the information is not new， it's just things that we are not all aware of or don't pay attention to。I am not sure I would go so far as to fully use the tools and props she provides （that seems like it would take an especially dedicated type-A personality）， but it is nice to know about them regardless。As a singleton who gave up on dating long ago， this book made me seriously consider getting out there again - which says a lot。 。。。more
Laura Bartkiewicz
，
Fun read for anyone who is single or in a relationship with tactical tips to navigate most relationship obstacles。
Lindsey Wirht
，
a very necessary book for anyone who is disillusioned by love & finding a partner。 not a perfect book， but the some of the concepts completely changed how I think！
Chris F
，
Despite a self-help style title it might as well be 'What does psychology and sociology tell us about relationships' if you enjoyed 'Stumbling on Happiness' this book is in a similar vein。 An insightful and helpful light read。 Despite a self-help style title it might as well be 'What does psychology and sociology tell us about relationships' if you enjoyed 'Stumbling on Happiness' this book is in a similar vein。 An insightful and helpful light read。 。。。more
Emily
，
I don't love the title of this book - it rather implies that being alone is a bad thing， and also， about 50% of everyone who DOES find a lasting relationship will still die alone anyway because couples do not die at the same time in most cases。 And there's nothing in the book about dealing with THAT。 I also do not love the author's tendency to make up cutesy portmanteau words for things。However， it's still an interesting read。 It's not as statistics-driven as Dataclysm （written by one of the fou I don't love the title of this book - it rather implies that being alone is a bad thing， and also， about 50% of everyone who DOES find a lasting relationship will still die alone anyway because couples do not die at the same time in most cases。 And there's nothing in the book about dealing with THAT。 I also do not love the author's tendency to make up cutesy portmanteau words for things。However， it's still an interesting read。 It's not as statistics-driven as Dataclysm （written by one of the founders of OKCupid） but Ury does pull in some actual science as opposed to just writing about her opinion， and structures the book to provide clear direction and step-by-step suggestions， which seemed like a helpful way to do it。Interesting read and a quick one too so why not take a look if the topic interests you！ 。。。more
Will Hubbell
，
I could write a lot about this book。 The short version is this:1。 I’m a fan of behavioral psychology and this definitely has plenty of that in it2。 Never have I read a book that is more San Francisco than this。 Silicon Valley’s culture is more than a little autistic and this book has plenty of that in it as well。 There are some points in it where I was thinking “you cannot be THIS naive，” such as when she suggests that people are attracted to attractive people because they think they’ll be bette I could write a lot about this book。 The short version is this:1。 I’m a fan of behavioral psychology and this definitely has plenty of that in it2。 Never have I read a book that is more San Francisco than this。 Silicon Valley’s culture is more than a little autistic and this book has plenty of that in it as well。 There are some points in it where I was thinking “you cannot be THIS naive，” such as when she suggests that people are attracted to attractive people because they think they’ll be better at sex。3。 The jokes about the title write themselves。4。 There seems to be an unspoken assumption that if you’re reading this book， you’re not going to change significantly as a person。5。 She spends a lot of time railing against “the spark。” But I’d be very curious to read some science about what “the spark” actually is。 My guess would have to do with values， both conscious and unconscious。6。 Imagine a dark future in which people need to be incentivized to get together and procreate for the needs of the homeland。 This is the manual that would be prescribed and by which you would be judged by your mating supervisor。7。 It’s been helpful in some ways in just getting me back out there！ 。。。more
Mary M
，
Highly recommend to everyone！！！ There is just some really good info in here。 My therapist recommended this to me and I’ll be revisiting it whenever things come up for a long time！ Attachment styles， when to know if a relationship is right for you， if you’re ready to get married， etc etc stuff we’re all probably going to fret over at some point！ Just some really useful neuroscience backed up info。 What more could you want。 Specifically recommend to all my anxious friends that follow me ;） Also he Highly recommend to everyone！！！ There is just some really good info in here。 My therapist recommended this to me and I’ll be revisiting it whenever things come up for a long time！ Attachment styles， when to know if a relationship is right for you， if you’re ready to get married， etc etc stuff we’re all probably going to fret over at some point！ Just some really useful neuroscience backed up info。 What more could you want。 Specifically recommend to all my anxious friends that follow me ;） Also helpful if you’re already in a relationship！ It’s always good to get a further understanding of yourself and your tendencies and the way you relate to others 。。。more
Taylor
，
Read this because I was interested in how the author took behavioral science knowledge she learned at Google and applied it to a complex modern dating landscape。 Book did not disappoint。 Thought it provided useful practical insight into common but faulty assumptions， how the internet has changed connection， and what qualities are actually important in relationships—which also mostly applies to friendships。
Lynne
，
I thought this book was full of useful information。 The chapters have a takeaway summary。 There are lots of real life examples and data to support each。 Logan knows her stuff！
nadia
，
Wasn’t something that really is in my target “self help” realm to be honest， but I still really enjoyed it。 Great behavior science approach to relationships
Renee
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Definitely learned a lot。 I enjoyed the audiobook， and think I want to buy the hardcover as it seems like a good reference
Justyna
，
Ponoć do XVIII w。 miłość traktowana była jako coś podobnego do choroby lub gorączki。 Chwilowa namiętność w życiu człowieka， to było coś ważnego do osiągnięcia， ale nie miało nic wspólnego z małżeństwem， które zawierano z rozsądku。 Pewnie większość z was powie - jak to dobrze， że już nie potrzebujemy swatek i targów o posag， teraz sami możemy decydować o swoich związkach！ Czy na pewno z możliwości wyboru cieszą się osoby， które tracą dni i godziny na portalach randkowych i bezustannie odrzucają k Ponoć do XVIII w。 miłość traktowana była jako coś podobnego do choroby lub gorączki。 Chwilowa namiętność w życiu człowieka， to było coś ważnego do osiągnięcia， ale nie miało nic wspólnego z małżeństwem， które zawierano z rozsądku。 Pewnie większość z was powie - jak to dobrze， że już nie potrzebujemy swatek i targów o posag， teraz sami możemy decydować o swoich związkach！ Czy na pewno z możliwości wyboru cieszą się osoby， które tracą dni i godziny na portalach randkowych i bezustannie odrzucają kolejnych kandydatów？Z "Planu na miłość。。。" wyszedł całkiem przyzwoity poradnik dla osób poszukujących swojej drugiej połówki。 Randkowanie to tak naprawdę niełatwa sprawa， a， jak to często bywa， im częściej coś robimy， tym lepiej。 Więcej spotkań z nowymi ludźmi to nie tylko kolejne znajomości， ale także poznawanie swoich potrzeb。 Niestety jedni z nas czują się niewystarczający， inni odwrotnie - odpychają zbytnią pewnością siebie， a jeszcze ktoś inny nie robi nic， tylko czeka na księcia z bajki， który nigdy nie nadejdzie。 Logan Ury pomaga odkryć wszystkie błędy， które popełniamy i prowadzi nas dalej za rękę zarówno przy pierwszych dniach znajomości jak i przy zrywaniu。Kim jest autorka？ Jest podpisana jako coach randkowania， ale （na szczęście） to przede wszystkim dobra psycholożka behawioralna， która od lat interesuje się relacjami między ludźmi。 Swoje teorie popiera zdaniem innych badaczy i przykładowymi historiami własnych pacjentów。 Jest wiarygodna， wszystko wykłada lekko i z humorem。 Sprawiła na mnie wrażenie bardzo sympatycznej i pozytywnej osoby， takiej， która może mnie strofować， a ja się uśmiechnę， a nie obrażę。 To ważne， bo przecież podczas poszukiwania partnera odsłaniamy się z dosyć wrażliwej strony。 Wzbudza zaufanie i daje nadzieję na szybkie rozwiązanie problemu。To dobry poradnik dla osób， które szukają miłości， ale mają z tymi poszukiwaniami problemy。 Porady autorki pozwalają spojrzeć na różne sytuacje z innej perspektywy。 Być może dzięki temu czyjś los się odmieni？ 。。。more
Cereal
，
With an unfortunate and misleading title， this book is actually about how to find， maintain， and end romantic relationships in a healthy way。 I thought it was great。 It has practical guidance on what's really important in a partner and it offers concrete language for having difficult conversations around setting boundaries， renegotiating the relationship at inflection points， and breaking up。 This book makes a powerful case for treating relationships as an intentional， ongoing work-in-progress， With an unfortunate and misleading title， this book is actually about how to find， maintain， and end romantic relationships in a healthy way。 I thought it was great。 It has practical guidance on what's really important in a partner and it offers concrete language for having difficult conversations around setting boundaries， renegotiating the relationship at inflection points， and breaking up。 This book makes a powerful case for treating relationships as an intentional， ongoing work-in-progress， and it offers cool behavioral econ insights to back up the ideas （although if you've read Dan Ariely or taken an Intro Social Psych class， the science may seem less surprising than refreshing）。 I'm feeling empowered。 。。。more
Sydney
，
Decent， the very frequent references to Daniel Kahneman applied to finding love is just prime。
Elaine
，
pretty funny， good strategies or at least food for thought。The title is a bit misleading - I could still die alone。 This book is about finding a partner （and not a fling） if that's what you want。 pretty funny， good strategies or at least food for thought。The title is a bit misleading - I could still die alone。 This book is about finding a partner （and not a fling） if that's what you want。 。。。more
Shruthi
，
Hmm I have mixed feelings。I really liked how much practical advice was included; actual concrete things that could easily be incorporated into your lives。 There was also a lot of great 'scripts' on how to handle difficult conversations （DTR， breakups， etc。）。 I also found some parts incredibly relatable。 As I was reading her section on dating "styles"， I could easily tell which categories my friends fell into and it was very intuitive。My problem with the book is that I am very much a science orie Hmm I have mixed feelings。I really liked how much practical advice was included; actual concrete things that could easily be incorporated into your lives。 There was also a lot of great 'scripts' on how to handle difficult conversations （DTR， breakups， etc。）。 I also found some parts incredibly relatable。 As I was reading her section on dating "styles"， I could easily tell which categories my friends fell into and it was very intuitive。My problem with the book is that I am very much a science oriented person。 Which means I need data and proof。 The author would frequently introduce a psychological fact （like framing， actor-observer bias） that is definitely based in science and then connect it to dating。 And while some of these connections seem valid and evidence based， some of them are a lot flimsier。 I didn't think she did a good enough job of indicating what was just her opinion as a dating coach and what she knew to be fact as a behavioral scientist。 I did really enjoy reading about the dating related studies。But nonetheless， I thought there were a lot of great insights in this book and she has a very interesting perspective on how to date more effectively。 I really liked how diverse and inclusive this book was， it wasn't targeted towards like straight， white， Christian couples as most books in this vein tend to be; most anyone can read this book and get something out of it。 Although if you're divorced or have a child， I don't think this'll be super helpful since the advice is a little too simplistic。 She also talks about everything from online dating to IRL to how to plan dates to how to know if you should get married。 It's incredibly comprehensive for such a diverse book。 It's also very accessible but I think the author tries a little too hard to be funny （too many little jokes in brackets， you know）。My biggest problem with the concept of this book however comes near the end。 It's called How to Not Die Alone。 Yet， at the end， as Ury explains divorce rates and marital satisfaction rates it kinda made me want to just die alone as that honestly seems preferable。 But from the other reviews， it seems like that chapter didn't really make anyone else feel cynical so maybe this is just a me problem。 Also I read the author's modern love column and honestly that's the best review for this book， the knowledge that this info in this book led to her incredibly sweet relationship。 。。。more
Charly
，
I read a lot of relationship books for a woman who’s been single since Obama was in office。 This book helped me identify that I tend to be a Romanticizer — that I tend to view my romantic arc as leading up to getting Prince Charming， and discount the effort of being in a long-term， committed relationship。Maybe it’s because we’re the same age， with similar values， but I definitely didn’t feel shamed or condescended to。 She addresses the needs of the childfree as a real dealbreaker not just a pet I read a lot of relationship books for a woman who’s been single since Obama was in office。 This book helped me identify that I tend to be a Romanticizer — that I tend to view my romantic arc as leading up to getting Prince Charming， and discount the effort of being in a long-term， committed relationship。Maybe it’s because we’re the same age， with similar values， but I definitely didn’t feel shamed or condescended to。 She addresses the needs of the childfree as a real dealbreaker not just a pet peeve， which made me feel seen。I did leave the book thinking that I might not be a LTR woman。 I’m not sure how to feel about this — Ury published a Modern Love column about her newlywed husband’s amputation that made me cry — because it does seem like happy marriages are all alike。 Those of us who are unhappy when we’re dating are each unhappy in our own way。 I think her advice would be to be intentional even in living without dating seriously。 I can’t help but think that maybe it is a me thing; maybe I’m not the person who can be someone’s “for worse。” I’m glad that Millennials are entering this space， even if the brutal reality is that we seem to be something of a lost generation in terms of projections of how many of us are likely to find lasting love。 :-/ It may be that COVID-19 will cause a seismic shift and I’m underestimating how much can change in the future。 。。。more
Elizabeth
，
Well， this was actually pretty good， and even more importantly， helpful。 I don’t love the title because it feels exposing， but hey， it’s true。 I heard an interview with the author on NPR， learned about how her book connected dating with the associated behavioral science literature， including calling out the greats like the Dan’s （Ariely and Savage）， and was sold。 I really liked the writing voice of this book。 I felt—mostly—like the target audience: millennial （barely）， middle class or higher， in Well， this was actually pretty good， and even more importantly， helpful。 I don’t love the title because it feels exposing， but hey， it’s true。 I heard an interview with the author on NPR， learned about how her book connected dating with the associated behavioral science literature， including calling out the greats like the Dan’s （Ariely and Savage）， and was sold。 I really liked the writing voice of this book。 I felt—mostly—like the target audience: millennial （barely）， middle class or higher， in the Bay Area， and being white can’t hurt either。 Also， as it happens， one of the author’s best friends is a family friend of mine who has known me all my life。 Regardless， the writing is simple and matter-of-fact but still spirited， not taking herself too too seriously。 I feel like I have an instruction manual to lead me through all chapters of the relationship encyclopedia， though reading the marriage chapters felt a little silly because first I need to overcome my “hesitater” status。 While queer identities are acknowledged， there isn’t as much behavioral science research on LGBTQ groups， which limits insights。 And I was unsurprised but nevertheless still wish that my flavor of identity （ace umbrella） was included。 In the end， I’m seriously considering buying this book to have on hand for a pep talk or reference。 Now how to buy this book without feeling like I’m being outed as a desperate and lonely single？！ 。。。more
Ninaczyta_
，
„Plan na miłość， czyli jak stworzyć fajny związek” Książka ta strasznie mnie wkurzyła。 Jest to książka bardziej jak randkować a nie jak stworzyć fajny związek。 Moim zdaniem powinna się nazywać „Jak zaczął randkować i jak łatwo z kimś zerwać”。Sam początek książki był dobry， ponieważ pokazywał， że nie możemy liczyć na księcia z bajki， który po prostu się nie zjawi。 Nasze oczekiwania przez filmy lub książki są zbyt wygórowane。 Jednak reszta książki mnie bardzo zirytowała。 Na końcu pojawiają się ro „Plan na miłość， czyli jak stworzyć fajny związek” Książka ta strasznie mnie wkurzyła。 Jest to książka bardziej jak randkować a nie jak stworzyć fajny związek。 Moim zdaniem powinna się nazywać „Jak zaczął randkować i jak łatwo z kimś zerwać”。Sam początek książki był dobry， ponieważ pokazywał， że nie możemy liczyć na księcia z bajki， który po prostu się nie zjawi。 Nasze oczekiwania przez filmy lub książki są zbyt wygórowane。 Jednak reszta książki mnie bardzo zirytowała。 Na końcu pojawiają się rozdziały o zerwaniu i naprawdę mi się one nie podobały。 Pokazane są powody dlaczego powinnismy zerwać i są one moim zdaniem chore jak np。 „Pomyślmy o naszym partnerze jako części garderoby， jeśli pomyślimy o jakieś starej， zużytej części to znaczy， że wstydzimy się tej osoby”。 Kolejna część， która mnie wkurzyła to myśleniu o zerwaniu jako czymś pozytywnym i skupieniu się tylko na negatywach związku i pozytywach zerwania。 I w zaletach jest na przykład „Nie muszę walczyć z nikim o kołdrę”。 Pokazanie małżeństwa jako największej kary i błędu naszego życia oraz wykresy jak ludzie są nieszczęśliwi w małżeństwie。 W tym rozdziale również było o tym， że formułka „I nie opuszczę cie aż do śmierci” jest bezmyślnie wklepywana i ludzie żyją teraz dłużej， wiec często musimy się ze sobą męczyć aż pół wieku。 Ja osobiście nie odebrałam tej książki jako dobry poradnik， który pomoże stworzyć fajny związek。 Jest to poradnik randkowania i łatwego zrywania。 Stały związek pokazany jest jak ciężka praca， która praktycznie nigdy nie daje efektów i jest całym pasmem poświęceń i bólu。 A moim zdaniem związek to kompromisy i raczej trzeba szukać pozytywów niż na siłę szukać negatywów， którym według autorki jest np。 Nie lubię danego filmu i już nie muszę udawać， że go lubię。 Autorka ewidentnie ma problem do tego， że ludzie chcą być ze sobą do końca życia。 Jak widać książka nie przypadła mi do gustu i nie będę jej polecać。 。。。more
Jen Noir
，
I picked up this book after seeing it on NPR and i was intrigued by the idea of “the spark” being a myth。 Certainly true in my dating experience。 Written by Hinge’s relationship scientist， this book offers interesting insight on how we think about finding potential partners。**Key Takeaways from the chapter “F*ck the Spark， How to Reject Myths about Instant Chemistry”1。 F*ck the spark。 Fireworks and instant chemistry are often absent at the beginning of a relationship。 Chemistry can build over ti I picked up this book after seeing it on NPR and i was intrigued by the idea of “the spark” being a myth。 Certainly true in my dating experience。 Written by Hinge’s relationship scientist， this book offers interesting insight on how we think about finding potential partners。**Key Takeaways from the chapter “F*ck the Spark， How to Reject Myths about Instant Chemistry”1。 F*ck the spark。 Fireworks and instant chemistry are often absent at the beginning of a relationship。 Chemistry can build over time。2。 Context matters。 You may not feel the spark with someone simply because of the environment in which you meet。 3。 The spark is not always a good thing。 That feeling of chemistry may actually be anxiety because that person doesn’t make it clear how they feel about you。 Sometimes the presence of a spark is more of an indication of how charming someone is or how narcissistic and less a sign of a shared connection。4。 If you feel the spark， it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is viable。 Even if it leads to a LTR， It’s not enough to keep the relationship going nor is it a sign that you’re meant to be together。 5。 Ditch the spark and go after the slow burn。 。。。more
Cindy
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How Not to Die Alone is that rare type of self-help book that manages to be both fun and insightful。 When I received my copy in the mail， my roommates and I immediately started taking the quiz to figure out which archetype we were （surprise， we're an apartment full of Maximizers）。Moreover， the book is engaging， and Logan's look at the end-to-end lifespan of a relationship is a fresh take that distills many dating-related myths， from "sparks" to texting your ex。 And in spite of the data-driven le How Not to Die Alone is that rare type of self-help book that manages to be both fun and insightful。 When I received my copy in the mail， my roommates and I immediately started taking the quiz to figure out which archetype we were （surprise， we're an apartment full of Maximizers）。Moreover， the book is engaging， and Logan's look at the end-to-end lifespan of a relationship is a fresh take that distills many dating-related myths， from "sparks" to texting your ex。 And in spite of the data-driven lens of the book， you can tell that this is Logan's turf。 Her passion behind studying relationships and helping folks find love is both obvious and inspiring， and as somebody with bragging rights of knowing Logan personally （sorry， couldn't resist ¯\_（ツ）_/¯）， I think it's so rad that she's actively studying what excites her and sharing it with the rest of us。（Also， if you haven't already， you should check out Logan's beautiful， poignant essay for Modern Love。） 。。。more
Taylor Ball
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Despite the embarrassing title， this is the best dating book I’ve read so far！Unlike other dating books written by dating gurus who base their advice off of their own experience or their clients’ experience， Logan Ury （a current Hinge executive， a former Googler and a psychology graduate from Harvard） gives advice backed by consumer behaviour and psychology。 Every piece of advice is justified。 She also throws in lots of real life examples for good measure。 I also really liked how this book didn’ Despite the embarrassing title， this is the best dating book I’ve read so far！Unlike other dating books written by dating gurus who base their advice off of their own experience or their clients’ experience， Logan Ury （a current Hinge executive， a former Googler and a psychology graduate from Harvard） gives advice backed by consumer behaviour and psychology。 Every piece of advice is justified。 She also throws in lots of real life examples for good measure。 I also really liked how this book didn’t tell the reader how to act， but rather guided them in their decision making at every stage of a relationship。 As a big fan of consumer behaviour， I knew a lot of the concepts in the book; however， I did appreciate seeing them applied to dating and learning new dating specific theories。 Also， this is the only dating book I’ve come across that is gender and LGTBQ inclusive。 The examples are relevant to men and women， regardless of sexual orientation。 If you’re looking for some dating advice， this is where I recommend you start。8。7 hours on kobo 。。。more
Leo Glowacki
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Bad title， good bookUry has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century。 The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part。 It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales， which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for。 Regardless， if you’re wondering what this book is really about， a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relati Bad title， good bookUry has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century。 The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part。 It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales， which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for。 Regardless， if you’re wondering what this book is really about， a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relationship Science for the 21st Century: How to Find， Build， and Maintain Intentional Relationships” I would recommend this book to anyone looking for advice on how to make better and more rational decisions in their relationships。 。。。more
Chrissann Nickel
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I heard this author on a podcast randomly and she was so interesting， I decided to get her book。 I’m a big fan of behavior science and found the applications of certain studies to her thoughts on dating useful and insightful。 I’d definitely recommend this book to anyone in the dating stage of life。
Kun Shao
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The title sounds cliché but the content is actually more scientific than what the title might suggest。 😅 The book includes a quiz that help you identify your dating tendencies。The RomanticizerYou want the soul mate， the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale。 You love love。 You believe you are single because you haven’t met the right person yet。 Your motto: It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen。The MaximizerYou love doing research， exploring all of your options， turning over every stone until The title sounds cliché but the content is actually more scientific than what the title might suggest。 😅 The book includes a quiz that help you identify your dating tendencies。The RomanticizerYou want the soul mate， the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale。 You love love。 You believe you are single because you haven’t met the right person yet。 Your motto: It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen。The MaximizerYou love doing research， exploring all of your options， turning over every stone until you’re confident you’ve found the right one。 You make decisions carefully。 And you want to be 100 percent certain about something before you make your choice。 Your motto: Why settle？The HesitaterYou don’t think you’re ready for dating because you’re not the person you want to be yet。 You hold yourself to a high standard。 You want to feel completely ready before you start a new project; the same goes for dating。 Your motto: I’ll wait until I’m a catch。Each tendency represents unrealistic expectations: the romanticizer- unrealistic expectations about relationshipsThe maximizer - unrealistic expectations about the other personThe hesitater - unrealistic expectations about yourselfInteresting book to help with self awareness。 Thanks Jiahui for the recommendation。 。。。more
Hannah
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This book made my heart grow three sizes， Grinch-style。 I finished it about a week ago and have already given copies to three people。 Yes， really。 They’re friends across the spectrum of life experiences: in their 20s and 60s， politically conservative， liberal， religious， agnostic， male， female， straight， queer， recently divorced， perpetually single， and currently in a relationship。 That’s how widely applicable I think this book is。It’s also one of the reasons I picked it up: By not having obviou This book made my heart grow three sizes， Grinch-style。 I finished it about a week ago and have already given copies to three people。 Yes， really。 They’re friends across the spectrum of life experiences: in their 20s and 60s， politically conservative， liberal， religious， agnostic， male， female， straight， queer， recently divorced， perpetually single， and currently in a relationship。 That’s how widely applicable I think this book is。It’s also one of the reasons I picked it up: By not having obvious “his and her”-coded toothbrushes on the cover， I felt How to Not Die Alone might be consciously LGBT-friendly， and I was right。 It’s clear that Logan Ury made a real effort to reach a wide audience。I’ve never read a dating book before because they’re often marketed in this creepy， hyper-heteronormative way that really freaks me out。 Ury’s isn’t like that。 She’s chill。 She's everything you want from a good cognitive behavioral therapist: Her tone is humorous and light， sincere and forgiving， open-minded and compassionate。 She’s teaching us about evidence-based techniques for healthy communication and translating those techniques into dating-specific advice。 Some of the studies she cites are old school， landmark studies in behavioral psychology， and I learned about them in my Psych 101 class years ago。 But it was still worth re-learning about those studies because I had never applied them to dating before。 A lot of the studies are much more recent， though， giving us new insight into healthy and clear communication。The book also works for a broad audience because she talks about everything from how to find dating opportunities （both in apps and IRL） to how to maintain a healthy relationship， how to break up if necessary， when and whether to move in together and/or marry， and why people get divorced。 That’s a lot for one book， and it’s so well-organized that it completely works。More than anything， this book just healed me of a lot of shame I didn’t realize I was harboring。 I feel more open to talking and thinking about dating， about potentially setting my friends up on dates， and about simply admitting that I might want a partner someday。 This book singlehandedly got me over a long-term crush that was going nowhere， and it made me realize I've probably passed good potential partners by in the past （and won't be making that mistake again！）。 Like any good therapist， Logan Ury helps us identify our needs and communicate them openly。 At the same time， I think I’m on my way to becoming a better friend to the people in my life。 In the past I’ve been unhelpful when it comes to dating advice， but now I feel I have the tools to help both myself and my loved ones form more meaningful connections。That’s pretty powerful stuff。 Books are amazing。 <3 。。。more
Jiahui Jiang
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