The Surrendered Wife
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- Create Date：2021-04-06 10:52:06
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Laura Doyle
- ISBN：1416511644
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Summary
All over the world women are discovering they have the power。
With a flick of the fingers they can inflict terrible pain - even death。
Suddenly， every man on the planet finds they've lost control。
The Day of the Girls has arrived - but where will it end？
With a flick of the fingers they can inflict terrible pain - even death。
Suddenly， every man on the planet finds they've lost control。
The Day of the Girls has arrived - but where will it end？
Reviews
Lgordo
，
In general， I agree with this book。I have long joked that I want to write a marriage-advice book where I recommend that people extend to their spouses the same respectful communication and space for autonomy that they give their coworkers。 That is kinda the core of this book， although it comes from a different direction （total control） and heads to the opposite extreme （let it *all* go）。 The author seems to believe that it’s impossible for a partnership to exist， therefore the woman should step In general， I agree with this book。I have long joked that I want to write a marriage-advice book where I recommend that people extend to their spouses the same respectful communication and space for autonomy that they give their coworkers。 That is kinda the core of this book， although it comes from a different direction （total control） and heads to the opposite extreme （let it *all* go）。 The author seems to believe that it’s impossible for a partnership to exist， therefore the woman should step back and let the husband lead。 For someone as extremely controlling as the author， this might make sense。 But for most women， this is overcompensating for a fault they don’t have。 Personally， I believe that a partnership is possible as long as mutual respect is observed。 I also think she is simply unfamiliar with the ways a husband can be incompetent without being an abuser or an addict。 I read “Flat Broke with Two Goats” a few months ago， and that couple landed $800，000 in debt because the wife left the finances to her husband and just lived the life she aspired to， literally just the way this book recommends。 I really think that， with respectful communication and autonomy， a couple can review their finances together without offending each other。 For example， many couples give each other a “blow money” allowance to spend on whatever frivolity they desire， without criticism from the partner。 Once that personal stuff is out of the way， there’s no reason a couple can’t review their finances a few times a year so they’re both on the same page。 A couple of ironies I noted while reading: she says she’s encouraging women to be more feminine， but she’s teaching a male pattern of communication。 Basically: be direct and say precisely what you want。 Otherwise， shut up and forget about it。 I don’t think this is bad， just notable。 Most women have an indirect mode of communication， and also communicate on a wide range of topics simply as a way of connecting or filling the air。 Men can misinterpret this as advice， control， or just chatter they can safely ignore。 More info on different communication styles in Shaunti Feldhahn’s “The Male Factor。” Another irony is that she says to trust your husband to be an adult。 But she says to “retrain” him to be responsible the same way you teach your kids: by letting them experience any non-tragic consequences of their actions。 Right down to the electricity being turned off。 It might seem crazy to let your husband shut off the electricity， but is it really？ We’ve all lost electricity， often in the winter during a storm， and we survive to tell the tale。 The trick is to treat it with the same resigned problem-solving approach， whether the fault is the weather’s or the husband’s。 That said， I think it's possible to gently point out that your husband missed the exit without being a backseat driver， or teasing him about it every time you drive， or turning it into a moral failing。 This book seems to posit that women can't learn to communicate respectfully， ergo they should just shut up。 Another time her approach feels a little condescending is when she recommends deflecting any queries from the husband for advice with “whatever you want， dear。” Maybe he really wants your input because he respects your perspective？ Not every man wants to be captain with sole responsibility for the entire ship。 He can still have sole responsibility for many things while getting confirmation from the smart woman he loves and respects。 Four stars because I do think this is an essential read in the marriage counseling canon， but not five， because it feels blinkered to many issues and less black-and-white options。 。。。more
Aysha Saifullah
，
Marriage is a game， this book has the game rules。
Cathy Q de V
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Wew ok where to start。 I know most people seem to prefer this to Dr。 Laura's book。 Dr。 Laura is like your angry aunt who gives you the facts where Mrs。 Doyle is more conversational but I would argue more extreme。 She tries very hard to maintain the feminist title。The Good:there are cautions against following this advice if you are in an abusive situation。 Things like: is this conflict worth my marriage？ Some good advice。 I liked the small mantras and overall there are things that I thought would Wew ok where to start。 I know most people seem to prefer this to Dr。 Laura's book。 Dr。 Laura is like your angry aunt who gives you the facts where Mrs。 Doyle is more conversational but I would argue more extreme。 She tries very hard to maintain the feminist title。The Good:there are cautions against following this advice if you are in an abusive situation。 Things like: is this conflict worth my marriage？ Some good advice。 I liked the small mantras and overall there are things that I thought wouldn't work that are actually very useful。The Bad: My gut feeling is that dismissing your husband when he asks for help is a bad idea。 Aren't we supposed to be a helpmate lol？ It seems to be saying that the only way to have a happy marriage is a silent， blissful ignorance。 If you get to the point that your electricity actually cuts out and you still have to be silent I think the problem is a bit deeper。 As much as I wanted to learn to improve the way I act， I felt like I was reading about the author's horrible marriage。 Yet I could swallow all of it。。。except for the bit on a husband's porn use not being the wife's business？？？ I found that to be shameful and almost closed the book right there。 I'm still conflicted overall and will consider rereading in a few months and reflecting in a different light。 。。。more
Brook
，
Hm。 1。 If you’d like to accept personal responsibility to grow as a marriage partner， I believe this book contains plenty of growth points that are healthy， valid， and not practiced enough。 2。 If you can’t see past statements （& a few practices） that feel manipulative， you might not make it through this book。 Its a good idea to be able to ‘eat the meat and spit out the bones’ in this short ‘how -to’ manual for wives。 3。 Personally， i am entering nearly 4 decades of marriage。 I’ve read lots of bo Hm。 1。 If you’d like to accept personal responsibility to grow as a marriage partner， I believe this book contains plenty of growth points that are healthy， valid， and not practiced enough。 2。 If you can’t see past statements （& a few practices） that feel manipulative， you might not make it through this book。 Its a good idea to be able to ‘eat the meat and spit out the bones’ in this short ‘how -to’ manual for wives。 3。 Personally， i am entering nearly 4 decades of marriage。 I’ve read lots of books。 In this one， I found many things in the book thought provoking， true， and challenging to me personally， timely， even if I don’t embrace all the ideas here。 Additionally， as offensive as it may be to state， the book supports， in many ways， views that have been taught within church， & possibly other religious frameworks。 But there is no scriptures mentioned， and no preaching。 The author simply explains that she reviewed her thoughts and responses to her husband， and made changes they both liked。 To make choices that are definitely counter to current culture couldn’t have been easy for this author， and i give kudos for the sheer bravery of this books personal story。 。。。more
MartinaLen
，
Though not an answer to every marriage it definitely helped to explain few things
erica kemp
，
3 stars because I felt some of the material to be applicable to my relationship。 I didn’t like how the author encourages the wife not to talk to her husband about his feelings。 We need to normalize that men are human and sensitive beings also。 A relationship or marriage should be one of the safest areas for both partners to express their feelings。 Some of the messages in this book about gender norms might seem out dated and wouldn’t apply to all couples。
Nastia Karpova
，
Couldn't agree with the whole message， but there are things to contemplate about。E。g。- No criticism of your loved ones- Letting go of control- Trusting someone besides yourself Couldn't agree with the whole message， but there are things to contemplate about。E。g。- No criticism of your loved ones- Letting go of control- Trusting someone besides yourself 。。。more
Emily
，
Pick and chooseSeveral points in this book were really helpful to me， such as deferring to my husband， taking care of myself， and stating clearly what I want or how I feel。 Other things I didn’t agree with so much， and some things like changing over control of the finances just don’t work in our family of different cultures （in his， the women are always in charge and he specifically asked me to do them when we got married）。 She has some views that I don’t agree with and I was surprised to discov Pick and chooseSeveral points in this book were really helpful to me， such as deferring to my husband， taking care of myself， and stating clearly what I want or how I feel。 Other things I didn’t agree with so much， and some things like changing over control of the finances just don’t work in our family of different cultures （in his， the women are always in charge and he specifically asked me to do them when we got married）。 She has some views that I don’t agree with and I was surprised to discover that she has never had kids which matters a whole lot to me since our marriage has definitely shifted since we had a baby。 Anyway， it is definitely a pick and choose book， some good takeaway points but some things that just don’t work for me/us。 。。。more
Laura
，
Interesting concepts。 I can see how this could help a marriage。
Kui Muchiri
，
The title of this book is somewhat misleading。 It contains has some seriously deep and wise nuggets。 There are parts/chapters where I don't entirely agree with her - we are all different， each relationship differs from the next in many ways therefore the one size fits all solutions may not apply to everyone。 Overall an insightful experience。 Glad I decided to read。 I actually purchased this book to gift a friend then somehow I ended up reading it first lol The title of this book is somewhat misleading。 It contains has some seriously deep and wise nuggets。 There are parts/chapters where I don't entirely agree with her - we are all different， each relationship differs from the next in many ways therefore the one size fits all solutions may not apply to everyone。 Overall an insightful experience。 Glad I decided to read。 I actually purchased this book to gift a friend then somehow I ended up reading it first lol 。。。more
Belynda Thomas
，
This book has a terrible name in my opinion because it makes us think of being submissive and not being our own person。 It is not about that at all。 It is about becoming more of who we are by making ourself happy and by becoming a happier wife having a happier husband。 Our husband's need to be let mind their own business， not having us remind， cajole， hint， etc。 about what needs to be done， should be done， is in danger of not being done。 We women are to become our best selves and let our men hav This book has a terrible name in my opinion because it makes us think of being submissive and not being our own person。 It is not about that at all。 It is about becoming more of who we are by making ourself happy and by becoming a happier wife having a happier husband。 Our husband's need to be let mind their own business， not having us remind， cajole， hint， etc。 about what needs to be done， should be done， is in danger of not being done。 We women are to become our best selves and let our men have the freedom to in turn become their best selves without us telling them who to be， what to do， how to think， what should change etc。 。。。more
Jennifer
，
Very mixed reviews for this book。 Some great points， some things I just can’t get on board with。 🤷🏼♀️
Amy
，
I would NEVER have picked this book up on my own because of the title。 But， a friend recommended it several times and I went for it。 It definitely does perpetuate stereotypical gender roles， but it also gives solid explanations for the suggestions。 And the suggestions seriously work。 I plowed through this book and felt better about my marriage within 24 hours of starting reading。
Joy Ghormley
，
It really works！I gave this book 5 stars because it has helped change my life for the better。 Surrendering to my God-given role is way more freeing and empowering than being enslaved by habits I learned from my family of origin。 Laura Doyle gives practical advice and step by step ways to change the trajectory of your marriage。
Sam Christian
，
Although poorly written， the substance of this book contains a transformative paradigm I have used as the basis for a healthy and prosperous relationship。
Marianne Brodman
，
Lists website for women that need support fulfilling this undertaking。
Wendy
，
Nope。 Sorry。 This book is openly sexist rather than Biblical。 The author puts it bluntly that "in marriage， as ballroom dancing， one must lead and one must follow。 This is not to say that both roles are not equally important。" In other words， as a wife， you need to let your husband make decisions for you; also， make sure not to speak up for yourself。It's a shame because I really liked some of the points in this book - particularly， that you should be less critical of your partner unless it's act Nope。 Sorry。 This book is openly sexist rather than Biblical。 The author puts it bluntly that "in marriage， as ballroom dancing， one must lead and one must follow。 This is not to say that both roles are not equally important。" In other words， as a wife， you need to let your husband make decisions for you; also， make sure not to speak up for yourself。It's a shame because I really liked some of the points in this book - particularly， that you should be less critical of your partner unless it's actually necessary。 According to Doyle， the following are the principles of a surrendered wife:- relinquish control of your husband's life （agree）- respect his thinking （agree）- receive his gifts graciously and express gratitude for him （agree）- focus on your own self-care and fulfillment （agree）- express what you want without making demands （well， depends）- rely on him to handle household finances （what？！ NO！）。I really appreciate the advice to trust and respect your partner's private life， his opinions and decisions， and not to criticize him。 So it's too bad that the rest of it is utter trash。 。。。more
Missie
，
I am not sure why it took so long to finish this book。 Essentially men are from another planet。 Haha。 The only reason to believe any of it is because she has denizens to back her up including her own marriage which she uses to illustrate a lot。 It's very practical advice。 I am not sure why it took so long to finish this book。 Essentially men are from another planet。 Haha。 The only reason to believe any of it is because she has denizens to back her up including her own marriage which she uses to illustrate a lot。 It's very practical advice。 。。。more
Петър Стойков
，
Има нещо странно в семейните отношения в САЩ。 Очевидно стереотипът на всезнаещата， контролираща целия семеен живот съпруга и тъпия мъж под чехъл， който не може едно нещо да свърши като хората， не е само клише от комедийните сериали （Малкълм， Всички обичат Реймънд， Царя на квартала。。。） - щом хората пишат книги по въпроса。。。 От които можем да научим добри неща за собственото си личностно и семейно развитие， макар да нямам наблюдения дали подобни отношения имат почва у нас или до каква степен。 Всъщ Има нещо странно в семейните отношения в САЩ。 Очевидно стереотипът на всезнаещата， контролираща целия семеен живот съпруга и тъпия мъж под чехъл， който не може едно нещо да свърши като хората， не е само клише от комедийните сериали （Малкълм， Всички обичат Реймънд， Царя на квартала。。。） - щом хората пишат книги по въпроса。。。 От които можем да научим добри неща за собственото си личностно и семейно развитие， макар да нямам наблюдения дали подобни отношения имат почва у нас или до каква степен。 Всъщност， The Surrendered Wife е нещо като наръчник на американската жена как да бъде просто човек - не да се прави на супер-майка， супер-домакиня и супер-професионалист едновременно， ами да се предаде， да каже "ами не мога аз да контролирам всичко в тази къща！" и да "позволи" （явно много не позволяват） на съпруга си да поема известна част от семейните задължения и отговорности， без да го контролира。 От което на нея ще й стане по-леко， а самочувствието на мъжа й， както и интимността в семейството само ще спечелят。Докато Fascinating Womanhood описва един по-стар във времето и по-патриархален начин за съвместен живот， настоящата книга е по-нова и авторката дори се самоопределя като феминистка。 Макар че， ако съдя по коментарите， феминистките получават нервни кризи при вида на нейните идеи - че видите ли， жената може да си бъде женствена и да не се опитва постоянно да тъпче мъжа си :РНякои глави на The Surrendered Wife отварят очите не само на жените， ако съдя по себе си - тази за приемането на комплименти и подаръци ми влезе особено тежко и мисля， че е задължителна за всеки。 。。。more
Heli Malm
，
I am so grateful for this book for entering my life。 This has changed the relationship with my man so much。 Even though on the first pages it seemed like “oh， this is definitely not me” but the more i read the more understood that this was so me （controlling him in every aspect of our relationship） The book brought out the trust towards the relationship and by taking all the steps it described I have found that this really works- the surrendering really works。 （I wish I would have known this man I am so grateful for this book for entering my life。 This has changed the relationship with my man so much。 Even though on the first pages it seemed like “oh， this is definitely not me” but the more i read the more understood that this was so me （controlling him in every aspect of our relationship） The book brought out the trust towards the relationship and by taking all the steps it described I have found that this really works- the surrendering really works。 （I wish I would have known this many years before-would have saved us from many arguments over the years :） ） I took my time to read the book so all of the knowledge could really sink in and I cannot be more thankful that I did。 Because there is a lot of new things to notice about yourself and your relationship and it all takes time。 The biggest achievement that I took inspired by the book-was that I surrendered on the money wise-gave all the bills and part of my salary to him to control （I thought I would never do that！） and became more calm and focused on my own things。 Super simple step， but makes so much difference！！ If you have the chance and the timing is right take it and read it through and perhaps you will learn something about your own relationship as well！ 。。。more
Lydia Mills
，
This is one of those books that will probably make you feel gobsmacked， insulted and stare in disbelief yet， unlike fairy tales， it has so much plain old "take a dose of reality" type wisdom in it also。 I like that It's doable。I don't agree with 100% everything in her book， sometimes it sounds very extreme。 And I understand maybe for some people exteme is what they need though。I do however think she has made some very important points which are worthy of consideration， which she invites the read This is one of those books that will probably make you feel gobsmacked， insulted and stare in disbelief yet， unlike fairy tales， it has so much plain old "take a dose of reality" type wisdom in it also。 I like that It's doable。I don't agree with 100% everything in her book， sometimes it sounds very extreme。 And I understand maybe for some people exteme is what they need though。I do however think she has made some very important points which are worthy of consideration， which she invites the reader to put to the test and see if it works for them。There will be at least something for every one to take away from this book。 。。。more
Sarah
，
There were some nuggets of wisdom; however there is little to no scripture to back up Doyle’s opinion。 Her section on “spirituality” really made the foundation of the book lose its credibility， and made me question why does she surrender in the first place。 The crux of “surrendering” is to first surrender to Christ。 I didn’t see that mentioned at all。
Rachel
，
Eh。
Lifelong Reader - Lifelong Learner
，
3。5 stars。 This book has a lot of common sense ideas。 I have to say that ideas from the book flashed into my mind in subsequent interactions。 I plan to listen to it again to see if there are additional insights I can garner。
Leah
，
Best marriage book ever。 I keep rereading it every few months。。。
Sysy Morales
，
A must read。 Even if you have a great marriage/relationship。 Life changing stuff and it has nothing to do with any ideas you may have about demeaning oneself。 Give it a shot。
Tess
，
A great book as long as you are in a healthy marriage。
Trần Lệ Mẫn
，
The book is to explore you about new aspects in marital life。 It also helps you to prepare some skills to step into your new journey。 Take time to read and meditate carefully and let's see how useful it is。You can learn how to resolve the conflicts， differences or problems between you and your partner。 And you need to have knowledge about how a man treat with his issues and then you can lead your reaction to not leading the war with him。 Even though some smallest things might become reasons to m The book is to explore you about new aspects in marital life。 It also helps you to prepare some skills to step into your new journey。 Take time to read and meditate carefully and let's see how useful it is。You can learn how to resolve the conflicts， differences or problems between you and your partner。 And you need to have knowledge about how a man treat with his issues and then you can lead your reaction to not leading the war with him。 Even though some smallest things might become reasons to make you feel disappointed or upset about your husband but this can be treated with other better way。 And you can save your marital life last forever。The best way is to alter your emotion and words when you are going to complain your spouse。 Everything can be changed if you have knowledge about psychology and how clever you control your attitudes。 。。。more
Irina
，
I absolutely loved The Surrendered Wife。 It is well written and gives women who have been struggling with their marriage some new tips and tricks。 I did not agree with all of the advice。 But those that did appeal to me， I apreciated not because they were new but because they were better explained than in other books。 I wouldn't call it a must read for every woman but it definitely helps if you have been having trouble in your relationship。 I absolutely loved The Surrendered Wife。 It is well written and gives women who have been struggling with their marriage some new tips and tricks。 I did not agree with all of the advice。 But those that did appeal to me， I apreciated not because they were new but because they were better explained than in other books。 I wouldn't call it a must read for every woman but it definitely helps if you have been having trouble in your relationship。 。。。more
Caristy Olson
，
This was an interesting book！ Some things I agree with but others I don’t。 I think a lot of things in a marriage or relationship is about how to communicate well and still show respect！
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=The Surrendered Wife
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=The Surrendered Wife&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft
The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,The Surrendered Wife&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0