The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
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- Create Date：2021-04-06 09:55:10
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Philippa Perry
- ISBN：1984879553
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Summary
"A beautifully comprehensive look at what it might mean to be a sane and emotionally intelligent parent 。 。 。 hugely warm， wise， hopeful and encouraging。"--Alain de Botton， author of How Proust Can Change Your Life
Instant #1 Sunday Times Bestseller
Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up （they way their parents did！）。 But how do you do that？
In this absorbing， clever， and warm book， renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behavior it is important to avoid--the vital dos and don'ts of parenting。
Her approach begins with parents themselves and their own psychological make-up and history--and how that in turn influences one's parenting。
Instead of mapping out the "perfect" plan， Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships。 This refreshing judgement-free book will help you to:
* Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting
* Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them
* Break negative cycles and patterns
* Handle your own and child's feelings
* Understand what different behaviors communicate
Full of sage and sane advice， The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is one every parent will want to read and every child will wish their parents had。
Instant #1 Sunday Times Bestseller
Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up （they way their parents did！）。 But how do you do that？
In this absorbing， clever， and warm book， renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behavior it is important to avoid--the vital dos and don'ts of parenting。
Her approach begins with parents themselves and their own psychological make-up and history--and how that in turn influences one's parenting。
Instead of mapping out the "perfect" plan， Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships。 This refreshing judgement-free book will help you to:
* Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting
* Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them
* Break negative cycles and patterns
* Handle your own and child's feelings
* Understand what different behaviors communicate
Full of sage and sane advice， The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is one every parent will want to read and every child will wish their parents had。
Reviews
Elodie
，
Has some very helpful advice I really like the emphasis on a compassionate approach understanding a child’s feelings and being open to learn from them too。 Some of the ideas were a little out there。 Most people wouldn’t have the luxury of a parent affording to pay a years rent or family near enough to cook！ Also I felt it over emphasised a persons childhood affecting the way they parent。 I think this can certainly have an affect but I think it’s much more complex than reducing to this
Varun Chopra
，
Must ReadThis was such an awesome book。 Must read for each and every parent。Couldn't thank the author more for writing this book。 Must ReadThis was such an awesome book。 Must read for each and every parent。Couldn't thank the author more for writing this book。 。。。more
Jasmine
，
Mehr als nur ein Elternratgeber
Katie Harrison
，
I am so grateful for this book， thank you Philippa Perry！ Bags of common sense and amazing parenting tips I'll use with my children through my lifetime。 I am so grateful for this book， thank you Philippa Perry！ Bags of common sense and amazing parenting tips I'll use with my children through my lifetime。 。。。more
Julieta Gonçalves
，
I've had a look into the reviews for this book and came across several people infuriated by it - they say Perry's tone is patronizing， judgemental， that only privileged people can enact the author's suggested parenting style， etc。 All I can say is。。。 I didn't feel any of this at all。 As a mother of a 3 year old， this made me: a） Reflect a lot about my own childhood， what i remember feeling when I was young in certain situations and what impact it had in the person I am today; b） Think about and I've had a look into the reviews for this book and came across several people infuriated by it - they say Perry's tone is patronizing， judgemental， that only privileged people can enact the author's suggested parenting style， etc。 All I can say is。。。 I didn't feel any of this at all。 As a mother of a 3 year old， this made me: a） Reflect a lot about my own childhood， what i remember feeling when I was young in certain situations and what impact it had in the person I am today; b） Think about and change some of my own actions towards my child， which I realized didn't feel right for me and didn't make my son feel good either;c） Be a lot more empathetic with my son and really make an effort to look at the world through his eyes， have more patience with him and realize that his "job" in life is not do what he's told and what suits me and just be pleasantThese things to me， have made a world of difference - less tantrums， less stress， less anxiety， more understanding， more love。 Rather than blaming our parents for everything wrong in our lives （like someone said in one of the reviews）， I feel that this book encourages us to reflect about our lives and childhood （and yes， that may be uncomfortable people！）， question some elements of our upbringing， keep what was good and try to change what wasn't。 。。。more
Katie
，
As an aspiring Child Counsellor， I found this book to be really informative and wise。 It delves into things like Attachment Styles， Parenting Styles， the right phrases to use when instructing your child or asking things of your child。 I'm a little young to be a parent， but I definitely found this helpful for Child Psychology。 As an aspiring Child Counsellor， I found this book to be really informative and wise。 It delves into things like Attachment Styles， Parenting Styles， the right phrases to use when instructing your child or asking things of your child。 I'm a little young to be a parent， but I definitely found this helpful for Child Psychology。 。。。more
Gunita
，
Grāmata， kas audzina vecākus un liek aizdomāties vecākiem pašiem par sevi。 Bērni ir vecāku spogulis。 Sākam ar sevi。Lielākais ieguvums ir "kā runāt"， nebaidīties un neslēpt savas emocijas， jo viss slēpjas komunikācijā ar sākuma vārdiem "Es jūtos。。。"， nevis "Tu esi。。。"。 Ļoti uzrunā， ka pie teorijām ir daudz piemēri no dzīves， kā arī uzdevumi， kurus ir vērts izpildīt。 Noteikti stāvēs tuvākajā plauktā， lai atsauktu atmiņā， ka piemēram， jāizceļ bērnam vislabāk izdevies burts， nevis viss tas， kas ir n Grāmata， kas audzina vecākus un liek aizdomāties vecākiem pašiem par sevi。 Bērni ir vecāku spogulis。 Sākam ar sevi。Lielākais ieguvums ir "kā runāt"， nebaidīties un neslēpt savas emocijas， jo viss slēpjas komunikācijā ar sākuma vārdiem "Es jūtos。。。"， nevis "Tu esi。。。"。 Ļoti uzrunā， ka pie teorijām ir daudz piemēri no dzīves， kā arī uzdevumi， kurus ir vērts izpildīt。 Noteikti stāvēs tuvākajā plauktā， lai atsauktu atmiņā， ka piemēram， jāizceļ bērnam vislabāk izdevies burts， nevis viss tas， kas ir nepareizi。 。。。more
Elena
，
I really loved this book！ Although I am not yet a parent， I do have nieces and I found that the advice and the practices that are advised are to the child's interest and that's all that matters。 I also believe that the information are valuable for all kind of relationships not only parental。 The most important thing is to be present and take into consideration yours and the others' feelings。 I will keep this book as a guide when I become a parent for sure！ I really loved this book！ Although I am not yet a parent， I do have nieces and I found that the advice and the practices that are advised are to the child's interest and that's all that matters。 I also believe that the information are valuable for all kind of relationships not only parental。 The most important thing is to be present and take into consideration yours and the others' feelings。 I will keep this book as a guide when I become a parent for sure！ 。。。more
Klára KlaPi
，
Obsah skvělý， jen v Jotě trochu podcenili korektury， hlavně v druhé půlce knihy už se to místy moc nedá číst。
Rachel Catley
，
Some helpful advice but coupled with so much guilt。 It’s shame in a book。 The author also clearly had one very reasonable child and has not had to deal with multiple or challenging children。
Alice Wilkie
，
I found this book very thought-provoking and “therapy- like” 。。。 more so than I was expecting it to be。 The first couple of chapters actually made me feel very emotional， when reflecting on my own actions and the reasons for why I maybe parent and behave the way I do。There are lots of things Philippa suggests that I think are worth bearing in mind when parenting， and that I’ll try to be more conscious of。 But there are also many things that I think are quite idealistic and seem almost impossible I found this book very thought-provoking and “therapy- like” 。。。 more so than I was expecting it to be。 The first couple of chapters actually made me feel very emotional， when reflecting on my own actions and the reasons for why I maybe parent and behave the way I do。There are lots of things Philippa suggests that I think are worth bearing in mind when parenting， and that I’ll try to be more conscious of。 But there are also many things that I think are quite idealistic and seem almost impossible to do， so will take with a pinch of salt。I feel like this is a book that I will return to， and not just read once。 I’m also encouraging my other half to read it！ 。。。more
Angela W
，
I love this book！ It isn’t one of those parental books that tells you what to do and when。 This one focuses on emotions on stuff that we don’t think about everyday。 It’s really really good。 The only thing I don’t agree with was the last pages where she talks about telling the child or teen that everything you are not agreeing to is about your feelings and not about because it is just like this。 She mentions an example of a kid watching tv and it’s time to switch off， so what she does is say the I love this book！ It isn’t one of those parental books that tells you what to do and when。 This one focuses on emotions on stuff that we don’t think about everyday。 It’s really really good。 The only thing I don’t agree with was the last pages where she talks about telling the child or teen that everything you are not agreeing to is about your feelings and not about because it is just like this。 She mentions an example of a kid watching tv and it’s time to switch off， so what she does is say the truth that you dont want to listen to this programe anymore， and that i find crazy coz well of course you can want your kid to turn it off coz it’s bad for their eyes it isn’t about you chnge the room if you don’t like the programe but don’t make everything about yourself。 Basicaly she is saying that you need to reply "I feel this and that， I can’t let you do this because I。。。” I I I， me me me。 It doesn’t seem fair the kid might get frustraited at some point and feel invaluable coz everything with the parent is "because I。。。” 。 Apart from that the book is great！ 。。。more
Katarína Kramaríková
，
Pochopenie vzorcov správania medzi nami - našimi rodičmi a ich rodičmi je level， ktorý chcem dosiahnuť。 Táto kniha "otvára tretie oko"， cez ktoré môžem nazerať na seba ako produkt predošlých vzorcov a vďaka nej sa môžeme stať posledným v reťazci， ktorý kruh pretne a nasmeruje svoje myšlienky， konanie， emócie správnym smerom 。。。 Pochopenie vzorcov správania medzi nami - našimi rodičmi a ich rodičmi je level， ktorý chcem dosiahnuť。 Táto kniha "otvára tretie oko"， cez ktoré môžem nazerať na seba ako produkt predošlých vzorcov a vďaka nej sa môžeme stať posledným v reťazci， ktorý kruh pretne a nasmeruje svoje myšlienky， konanie， emócie správnym smerom 。。。 。。。more
Marta
，
The BEST parenting book I've ever read！ STRONGLY recommend it！ The think I appreciated the most in this book is that the author stresses through all the book the importance of empathize with others， not only with our children but with everyone。 Realizing about that has changed （and incredibly improved） not only the way I interact with my son， but with everyone。 And is this exact basic concept that made me not hate myself while reading a parenting book， she manages to empathize with the parents r The BEST parenting book I've ever read！ STRONGLY recommend it！ The think I appreciated the most in this book is that the author stresses through all the book the importance of empathize with others， not only with our children but with everyone。 Realizing about that has changed （and incredibly improved） not only the way I interact with my son， but with everyone。 And is this exact basic concept that made me not hate myself while reading a parenting book， she manages to empathize with the parents reading the book while pointing at our errors。 。。。more
Monique
，
Boek met mooie inzichten， voelde soms wat belerend。 Het is niet perse het onderwerp van het boek maar ik miste wel het onderwerp veerkracht bij kinderen
Joan
，
Emotionally intelligent parents love their children and see them as separate individuals。 I didn't realize how uncommon this is。 Emotionally intelligent parents love their children and see them as separate individuals。 I didn't realize how uncommon this is。 。。。more
Marianna Salvini
，
I have no kids， might want to make a family in the future， but is not in the cards right now。 This book was chosen in my book club， and I was really surprised on how much I liked it。 It is a fantastic personal journey that tells you why you are the way you are + it's a manual for your future kids。。。 I am actually gifting it to all my friends who has kids LOL I have no kids， might want to make a family in the future， but is not in the cards right now。 This book was chosen in my book club， and I was really surprised on how much I liked it。 It is a fantastic personal journey that tells you why you are the way you are + it's a manual for your future kids。。。 I am actually gifting it to all my friends who has kids LOL 。。。more
Renetta Neal
，
Oh how I wished this book was available when my children were small。 I have learned much of what Philippa Perry shares in this book through my counselling training and profession but it is beautiful to see it written down in such an easy to understand and read way！ It brought up regrets for me about some of the things I had done as a parent but she is very gentle and I can forgive myself and yet feel braver to face those things that my adult children may bring to me about their experiences from Oh how I wished this book was available when my children were small。 I have learned much of what Philippa Perry shares in this book through my counselling training and profession but it is beautiful to see it written down in such an easy to understand and read way！ It brought up regrets for me about some of the things I had done as a parent but she is very gentle and I can forgive myself and yet feel braver to face those things that my adult children may bring to me about their experiences from their childhood。I would recommend this book for every living being as it is thought provoking and helps us to see that we have choices about how we interact and relate to others。 。。。more
Helen
，
I've already started to put in place some of Philippa's ideas， and they're really working for me。 I really am so glad that I've read it。 I've already started to put in place some of Philippa's ideas， and they're really working for me。 I really am so glad that I've read it。 。。。more
Gabriela Burcea
，
The only thing which bothered me was that some of the examples felt a bit self-serving。 Otherwise， a very good read。
Vex
，
Attachment parenting。
Dariana
，
It hit all the right marks for me and made me feel that I could become the parent I always wanted。Other parenting books just presented cases and scenarios where I couldn't relate。 I always said "but I am not like that"。 This book explains the benefits of some minor changes in our attitude and how our efforts now will help in obtaining a long term solid relationship with our children。 It hit all the right marks for me and made me feel that I could become the parent I always wanted。Other parenting books just presented cases and scenarios where I couldn't relate。 I always said "but I am not like that"。 This book explains the benefits of some minor changes in our attitude and how our efforts now will help in obtaining a long term solid relationship with our children。 。。。more
Renee van Eijk
，
Ik dacht een grappig boek te kopen maar ik begon blijkbaar in een boek over opvoeden。 Wat wel goed uitkwam aangezien ik toen ik begon net 6 dagen moeder was van ons eerste kindje！ Nadat ik over de verrassing heen was heb ik vol belangstelling verder gelezen。 Veel was me wel bekend vanuit mijn werk in het onderwijs maar de benadering vanuit het ouderschap was uiteraard nieuw voor me。 Een mooie afwisseling van theorie， visie， praktische voorbeelden en eigen ervaringen van de schrijfster。 Ik heb er Ik dacht een grappig boek te kopen maar ik begon blijkbaar in een boek over opvoeden。 Wat wel goed uitkwam aangezien ik toen ik begon net 6 dagen moeder was van ons eerste kindje！ Nadat ik over de verrassing heen was heb ik vol belangstelling verder gelezen。 Veel was me wel bekend vanuit mijn werk in het onderwijs maar de benadering vanuit het ouderschap was uiteraard nieuw voor me。 Een mooie afwisseling van theorie， visie， praktische voorbeelden en eigen ervaringen van de schrijfster。 Ik heb er zeker wat van opgestoken。 En van genoten。 Volop gaan voor een veilige relatie met ons meisje。 En de wereld proberen te zien en te beleven vanuit haar gezichtspunt。 Soms letterlijk en soms figuurlijk。 Niet vergeten hoe mijn ervaringen vanuit mijn jeugd en hoe ik ben opgevoed mijn opvoeding van haar beïnvloeden。 En dit boek nog een keer lezen。 Ooit。 。。。more
Shen Xu
，
In a way， nothing in this book comes as a surprise as it contains mostly common sense。 And you could probably jump straight to the Epilogue for all the key bullet points without reading the whole thing。Having said that， it is still true that I wish my parents had read it。 Would it make them better parents？ Probably not。 But at least it would fulfil a self-selective process of “trying” to be one。Some of the advice also apply to workplaces， especially if you are a manager: setting boundaries by de In a way， nothing in this book comes as a surprise as it contains mostly common sense。 And you could probably jump straight to the Epilogue for all the key bullet points without reading the whole thing。Having said that， it is still true that I wish my parents had read it。 Would it make them better parents？ Probably not。 But at least it would fulfil a self-selective process of “trying” to be one。Some of the advice also apply to workplaces， especially if you are a manager: setting boundaries by describing yourself rather than how others behave; facilitating rather than rescuing; being honest that everyone can make mistakes。。。 。。。more
Petra Minn
，
Yksittäistapauksilla villisti spekuloiva kasvatusopas lapsentahtisen kasvatusfilosofian ja kiintymyssuhdeteorian seuraajille。 Kaikki mahdolliset ongelmat lastenhoidossa sekä vanhemman ja lapsen vuorovaikutuksessa voidaan selittää repeämillä varhaisissa kiintymyssuhteissa。Perry tekee ilmeisesti parhaansa esiintyäkseen neutraalina asiantuntijana， mutta tekee kyllä selväksi mikä on ns。 oikea vaihtoehto kasvatuksessa。 Kirjan mukaan ainoa hyväksyttävä vaihtoehto mm。 nukkumiseen on perhepeti lapsentah Yksittäistapauksilla villisti spekuloiva kasvatusopas lapsentahtisen kasvatusfilosofian ja kiintymyssuhdeteorian seuraajille。 Kaikki mahdolliset ongelmat lastenhoidossa sekä vanhemman ja lapsen vuorovaikutuksessa voidaan selittää repeämillä varhaisissa kiintymyssuhteissa。Perry tekee ilmeisesti parhaansa esiintyäkseen neutraalina asiantuntijana， mutta tekee kyllä selväksi mikä on ns。 oikea vaihtoehto kasvatuksessa。 Kirjan mukaan ainoa hyväksyttävä vaihtoehto mm。 nukkumiseen on perhepeti lapsentahtisesti noin 3-vuotiaaksi asti， mutta ethän vain syyllistä itseäsi， jos olet jo mennyt ”manipuloimaan” ja ”esineellistämään” lastasi unikoululla ja omaan sänkyyn totuttamisella。 Tämä ”en halua syyllistää， mutta。。。” -retoriikka toistuu läpi kirjan。 Perry itse syyllistyy mm。 aikuisen lapsensa huonosta ryhdistä， jota lapsi on ”joutunut” hoitamaan pilateksella， ja joka saattaa johtua siitä että Perry on äitinä antanut lapsensa istua tuettuna liian varhain。Mieleen jäi myös Perryn posketon tulkinta， jossa koomassa makaava lapsi on kuulemma alitajuisesti aistinut， ettei hänen äitinsä ole 24/7 pienen koomapotilaansa vierellä ja tätä hän sitten myöhemmin oireilee。Perryn mukaan vanhemman pitää myös asettaa lapselle rajoja， mutta se kannattaa tehdä omiin tunteisiin vedoten （”minusta tuntuisi paremmalta ettet menisi baariin alaikäisenä”）， koska tämä on kuulemma rehellisempää kuin faktoihin， vanhemman auktoriteettiin tai lapsen tarpeisiin vetoaminen。Taisi tässä olla jotain hyvääkin mm。 tunnetaitoihin liittyvää， mutta hyvät pointit hukkuvat kaiken epäuskottavan retoriikan keskelle。 。。。more
Kim Roger
，
Generously giving it 2 stars as there was some parts I agreed with。 But mostly I found half of it was common sense and the other half was absolute nonsense。 Found myself rolling my eyes a lot a lot。 Does anyone really need to be told to pay their child attention and to listen to their feelings？ That seems obvious to me but maybe not to everyone。 I am not glad I read this book and although I agreed with parts of it I didn't read anything new or different than what I knew prior to the book。 If it Generously giving it 2 stars as there was some parts I agreed with。 But mostly I found half of it was common sense and the other half was absolute nonsense。 Found myself rolling my eyes a lot a lot。 Does anyone really need to be told to pay their child attention and to listen to their feelings？ That seems obvious to me but maybe not to everyone。 I am not glad I read this book and although I agreed with parts of it I didn't read anything new or different than what I knew prior to the book。 If it helps others that's great but personally I wouldn't recommend。 。。。more
Ekin Alkan
，
Yazarin kucuk cocuklarla ilgili verdigi bircok ornek diyalogu post-it ile evin duvarlarina yapistirmayi dusundugum faydali bir kitap。 Ancak yine de， gunumuzde tempolu yasayan bircok ebeveyn icin yazarin bazi ilkeleri cok kullanisli olmayabilir。Kitapta sevdigim bazi alintilar;- Bron’u daha iyi anlama umuduyla， onun yasinda tuttugum gunlukleri okudum。 Gordugum terbiyesizlik ve kibir beni soka ugratti。 （ Evelyn Waugh， Gunluk， 1956）-On dort yasindayken babam o kadar cahildi ki onunla olmaya tahammul Yazarin kucuk cocuklarla ilgili verdigi bircok ornek diyalogu post-it ile evin duvarlarina yapistirmayi dusundugum faydali bir kitap。 Ancak yine de， gunumuzde tempolu yasayan bircok ebeveyn icin yazarin bazi ilkeleri cok kullanisli olmayabilir。Kitapta sevdigim bazi alintilar;- Bron’u daha iyi anlama umuduyla， onun yasinda tuttugum gunlukleri okudum。 Gordugum terbiyesizlik ve kibir beni soka ugratti。 （ Evelyn Waugh， Gunluk， 1956）-On dort yasindayken babam o kadar cahildi ki onunla olmaya tahammul edemiyordum。 Ama yirmi bir yasima geldigimde， babamin yedi yil icerisinde ne kadar cok sey ogrendigine hayret ettim。 （ Mark Twain） 。。。more
Jordan
，
I am not a parent， nor exspecting。 I picked this up in hopes that it would give insights into my less that idyllic relationship with my mother and perhaps give some glimmerings on breaking cycles of harmful behaviour。And it has。4 stars instead of 5 because there is an incredible lack of socio-economic intersection， but ultimately this was a parenting book about the importance of empathy and kindness towards little ones。
Mrs Emily
，
Very insightful。 Great book for you to really understand your children and how to secure a great relationship with them throughout their lives。
Vicky
，