Nonfiction

嫌われる勇気

嫌われる勇気

  • Downloads：7148
  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-04-05 06:52:35
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Ichiro Kishimi
  • ISBN：4478025819
  • Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
  • Download

Summary

「あの人」の期待を満たすために生きてはいけない――
【対人関係の悩み、人生の悩みを100%消し去る〝勇気〟の対話篇】

世界的にはフロイト、ユングと並ぶ心理学界の三大巨匠とされながら、日本国内では無名に近い存在のアルフレッド・アドラー。
「トラウマ」の存在を否定したうえで、「人間の悩みは、すべて対人関係の悩みである」と断言し、
対人関係を改善していくための具体的な方策を提示していくアドラー心理学は、
現代の日本にこそ必要な思想だと思われます。

本書では平易かつドラマチックにアドラーの教えを伝えるため、
哲学者と青年の対話篇形式によってその思想を解き明かしていきます。
著者は日本におけるアドラー心理学の第一人者（日本アドラー心理学会顧問）で、アドラーの著作も多数翻訳している岸見一郎氏と、
臨場感あふれるインタビュー原稿を得意とするライターの古賀史健氏。
対人関係に悩み、人生に悩むすべての人に贈る、「まったくあたらしい古典」です。

Download

Reviews

Mikayla Fulper ，

The point and message of the book is a good one。 My poor rating is based solely on the style the author chose to portray the message 😭 The whole thing is written as a conversation between a philosopher and some irritable “youth” and the “conversation” is so stiff it drives your crazyIt doesn’t flow easily。 I finished it but dang I couldn’t recommend it to someone because the writing distracts from the important teachings

Rita Baião ，

Some of the concepts were interesting to read and think about， but all together I found it a bit simplistic and didn't feel engaged。 Some of the concepts were interesting to read and think about， but all together I found it a bit simplistic and didn't feel engaged。 。。。more

Sandy Postlethwayt ，

Great shift in perspective for me， so thanks for that。 I just feel like it could have been conveyed in a better and more "simple to understand" type of way。。。 one of the core concepts is that life is simple， I feel like they need to apply it to the way the story is told or the psychology is explained。 Great shift in perspective for me， so thanks for that。 I just feel like it could have been conveyed in a better and more "simple to understand" type of way。。。 one of the core concepts is that life is simple， I feel like they need to apply it to the way the story is told or the psychology is explained。 。。。more

Heather ，

I picked this book up based on a plea from a friend。 She was reading it and wanted someone to talk to about Adler's theories presented。 I honestly struggled to stay engaged and continue reading it。 A lot of that has to do with my personal responsibilities taking up so much time but a lot of it had to do with the structure as well as the content。 It is written in a classical dialog format where an unnamed youth comes to a philosopher for discussion。 Throughout the book the youth makes his case wh I picked this book up based on a plea from a friend。 She was reading it and wanted someone to talk to about Adler's theories presented。 I honestly struggled to stay engaged and continue reading it。 A lot of that has to do with my personal responsibilities taking up so much time but a lot of it had to do with the structure as well as the content。 It is written in a classical dialog format where an unnamed youth comes to a philosopher for discussion。 Throughout the book the youth makes his case while the philosopher is tasked with presenting Adler's psychological theories to refute， or educate， the youth。 I did not like this format at all。 While I was trying to understand and relate to the youth， I was simultaneously trying to understand and apply the philosopher's responses。 I would have much preferred the perspective of the philosopher only。 I think it would have been less confusing。 Eventually， I stopped reading the youth's perspective and read the philosopher's dialog。 That helped me to relate more to the content。 I did walk away with some interesting quotes and nuggets that I will try to apply to my life:* Y: Effective communication tools other than anger。。。 P: We have language。 We can communicate through language。 Believe in the power of language and the language of logic。 （pg 88）* We are not living to satisfy other people's expectations。 （pg 117）* Discard other people's tasks。 There is a simple way to tell whose task it is。 Think: "Who ultimately is going to receive the result brought about by the choice that is made？"。 Intervening in other people's tasks and taking on other people's tasks turns one's life into something heavy and full of hardship。 Learn the boundary "From here on， that is not my task"。 And discard other people's tasks。 That is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler。 （pg 124）* For a human being， the greatest unhappiness is not being able to like oneself。 Adler came up with an extremely simple answer to address this reality。 Namely， the feel of "I am beneficial to the community" or "I am of use to someone" is the only thing that can give one a true awareness that one has worth。 （pg 233）* Happiness is the feeling of contribution。 That is the definition of happiness。 （pg 234）* If one's means for gaining a feeling of contribution turns out to be "being recognized by others，" in the long run， one will have no choice but to walk through life in accordance with other people's wishes。 There is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through the desire for recognition。 （pg 236）* Life is a series of moments， which one lives as if one were dancing， right now， around and around each passing instant。 … Among those who have danced the dance of the violin， there are people who stay the course and become professional musicians。 Among those who have danced the dance of the bar examination， there are people who become lawyers。 There are people who have danced the dance of writing and become authors。 Of course， it also happens that people end up in entirely different places。 But none of these lives came to an end "en route。" It is enough if one finds fulfillment in the here and now one is dancing。 （pg 249）* We should live more earnestly only here and now。 The fact that you think you can see the past， or predict the future， is proof that rather than living earnestly here and now， you are living in a dim twilight。 Life is a series of moments， and neither the past nor the future exists。 （pg 253） 。。。more

Alice Mi ，

Interesting approach on "How to be happy？"This book is a real help to understand why we are encountering problem in our interpersonal relationship and how to face them to reach the stage of happiness。 It may be easy to just say "Enjoy your life as it is， don't look at the past nor the future and only the present" but to do so we have to go on our own journey。 Kishimi and Koga are both giving advices so we can start dancing in our life。 Interesting approach on "How to be happy？"This book is a real help to understand why we are encountering problem in our interpersonal relationship and how to face them to reach the stage of happiness。 It may be easy to just say "Enjoy your life as it is， don't look at the past nor the future and only the present" but to do so we have to go on our own journey。 Kishimi and Koga are both giving advices so we can start dancing in our life。 。。。more

Daisy Hale ，

Full disclosure: I did not finish this book。 I picked this up for two reasons: because I'm interested in psychology， and because I'm trying to use my time in lockdowns/quarantine efficiently - by finding out new things about myself and （hopefully） developing healthy mechanisms for dealing with whatever life throws my way。 I thought this book might give me some interesting new ideas， or at least something to think about。 Instead， the author perpetuates this weird victim-blaming narrative that is Full disclosure: I did not finish this book。 I picked this up for two reasons: because I'm interested in psychology， and because I'm trying to use my time in lockdowns/quarantine efficiently - by finding out new things about myself and （hopefully） developing healthy mechanisms for dealing with whatever life throws my way。 I thought this book might give me some interesting new ideas， or at least something to think about。 Instead， the author perpetuates this weird victim-blaming narrative that is incredibly harmful in relation to the topics that were dealt with， like mental disorders - especially anxiety。 As someone who has been dealing with social anxiety myself， I know that the worst thing anyone could tell someone with anxiety is that there is no real reason for your fears and behaviors and that you're creating this state of anxiety yourself。 Unfortunately， that is exactly what this book did。 I stopped reading after a grueling segment about why trauma isn't real - it seems like the author gave up on trying to make sense （or to do some actual scientific research） for the sake of focusing on Adler's outdated shitty philosophy。 Would not recommend this to anyone。 I really don't think how ignoring the existence of trauma， and blaming people for the way their mental disorders affect them can help anyone。 。。。more

Hồng Ngọc ，

Cuốn sách làm thay đổi mình hoàn toàn， kể từ giây phút mình bắt đầu cho đến khi gấp lại cuốn sách。 Đã có can đảm hơn， để 'Dám bị ghét' rồi。 Cuốn sách làm thay đổi mình hoàn toàn， kể từ giây phút mình bắt đầu cho đến khi gấp lại cuốn sách。 Đã có can đảm hơn， để 'Dám bị ghét' rồi。 。。。more

Tohoo ，

Für mich eine gelungene Mischung aus Gaarder und Bucay。 Komplexe Zusammenhänge einfach vermittelt。 Hat mir sehr gut gefallen。

Marki ，

3。5* sigh， I guess I expected more。 The messages in this book are overall useful， but not really that mind blowing or original especially when you've read one or two self help books before - things like "only you can help yourself improve" "don't take on responsibilities of others" "live in the moment" and "only you are truly responsible for your emotions。" There's some good advice that's well phrased and the format of a dialogue is an interesting change from other help books。However。 Some of th 3。5* sigh， I guess I expected more。 The messages in this book are overall useful， but not really that mind blowing or original especially when you've read one or two self help books before - things like "only you can help yourself improve" "don't take on responsibilities of others" "live in the moment" and "only you are truly responsible for your emotions。" There's some good advice that's well phrased and the format of a dialogue is an interesting change from other help books。However。 Some of the concepts are a bit whack in the oversimplification。 Such as "a kid will only harm themselves for their parents attention。" That's a really bad example to explain a concept that otherwise could be persuasive。 Then there's the whole questionable punch they give you right at the beginning of "there's no such thing as trauma。" Like， I can agree with what they further say - your trauma does not define you or determine your future indefinitely。 But to say that the influence is dismissable and that "we do not suffer from trauma but only make out of them whatever suits our purposes" is a bit of a harsh stretch。 I'm not one bit surprised that people are giving this book 1* ratings and saying it's just victim blaming bs because if I were at the beginning of my recovery and read this， I would feel the same way。 So don't read this as your first self help book。Tldr - some good points but there are books out there that sell them better。 。。。more

WallofText ，

Read this one for a book club and man， was it a struggle。 While this book is strongly fashioned after classic philosophy books featuring dialogues between philosophers and ordinary people， this dialogue was decidedly more grating。 Beyond the youth’s lacking counter arguments and the philosopher’s rather condescending manner， what really bothered me was a lot of the actual content。 While I appreciated several points， I had issues with the argumentation: 1。The black and white maxim-esque structure Read this one for a book club and man， was it a struggle。 While this book is strongly fashioned after classic philosophy books featuring dialogues between philosophers and ordinary people， this dialogue was decidedly more grating。 Beyond the youth’s lacking counter arguments and the philosopher’s rather condescending manner， what really bothered me was a lot of the actual content。 While I appreciated several points， I had issues with the argumentation: 1。The black and white maxim-esque structure that oversimplifies and reduces issues， not accounting for the variety of situations and people。2。The exclusion or ignorance of contrary arguments and facts regarding mental health， neuroscience， sociology etc。3。The narrow， even privileged view of humanity and the world in general。Simply put， I do not understand how any self-help book， especially a philosophical one， can propose universal truths or anything like them。 。。。more

Vanya Prodanova ，

Не беше точно моята книга， да си призная。 Имаше някои неща， с които бях съгласна， други откровено намерих за вредни， опасни и дразнещи。 И， единственото японско нещо в книгата е думата Japanese на корицата и авторите， които са японци。 Реално е книга， посветена на индивидуалната психология， психологически метод и течение основано от виенския психоаналитик Алфред Адлер。 Не мога да оценя дали този подход в психологията е работещ или не， просто е подход и ако помогне дори на един човек да се чувства Не беше точно моята книга， да си призная。 Имаше някои неща， с които бях съгласна， други откровено намерих за вредни， опасни и дразнещи。 И， единственото японско нещо в книгата е думата Japanese на корицата и авторите， които са японци。 Реално е книга， посветена на индивидуалната психология， психологически метод и течение основано от виенския психоаналитик Алфред Адлер。 Не мога да оценя дали този подход в психологията е работещ или не， просто е подход и ако помогне дори на един човек да се чувства по-добре за себе си - значи чудесно， но до там。 Трудно някой ще ме убеди мен лично， че травмата не съществува и че няма значение къде си се родил， каква ти е била средата и т。н。 Доста неприятен ми беше начинът на представяне на философията на Адлер， да я наречем така， като разговор между философ и младеж。 Не знам защо това е така популярен подход при подобни философски и психологически книги， свързани с класически методи в психологията， но го намирам за откровено дразнещ и не допринасящ за нищо за по-доброто разбиране и възприемане на информацията。Къде-къде по-приятно щеше да бъде преживяването ми с книгата， ако авторът всъщност беше споделил своите размисли， размишления и път， свързан с Адлер методът。 :） 。。。more

Rebecca ，

Enjoyed the back and forth between the philosopher and his pupil。 Great descriptions and a book worth discussing the ideas presented。 Highly recommend。

Suresh Nair ，

Alders psychology explained and it will get etched in your mind。 Nice way of presentation of the text， which will make the reading interesting

VijayGopi Ramachandran ，

based on alfred adler's school of psychology， the book talks about individual psychology。 totally one sided arguments on life talking about living in the present without any consideration of the cause and effects。 the author wants an individual to live a life without giving any prejudice。 always speaking in ideal terms， doesn't applied to the real Lifebunch of snippets from long lectures is this book based on alfred adler's school of psychology， the book talks about individual psychology。 totally one sided arguments on life talking about living in the present without any consideration of the cause and effects。 the author wants an individual to live a life without giving any prejudice。 always speaking in ideal terms， doesn't applied to the real Lifebunch of snippets from long lectures is this book 。。。more

Thaís Cruz ，

Não sou tão fã de livros de autoajuda， mas esse é diferente。 Ele é basicamente uma conversa entre um jovem e um filósofo。Eu， particularmente， me identifiquei demais com o jovem e o livro conseguiu externar em palavras muitos sentimentos que vivem em mim。 Os ensinamentos fazem sentido e mais do que isso， te faz pensar e questionar muitas coisas das nossas vidas。 Não espere um livro que te diga exatamente o que fazer e não espere aquele livro que o autor fala como mudou sua vida da água para o vin Não sou tão fã de livros de autoajuda， mas esse é diferente。 Ele é basicamente uma conversa entre um jovem e um filósofo。Eu， particularmente， me identifiquei demais com o jovem e o livro conseguiu externar em palavras muitos sentimentos que vivem em mim。 Os ensinamentos fazem sentido e mais do que isso， te faz pensar e questionar muitas coisas das nossas vidas。 Não espere um livro que te diga exatamente o que fazer e não espere aquele livro que o autor fala como mudou sua vida da água para o vinho。 。。。more

Laura ，

This is not the kind of book which I read these days， but I happened upon it by chance and was intrigued by the title。 The Courage to be Disliked！ As someone who takes the attitude of ‘Anything for a quiet life’， I’m no stranger of keeping my opinion to myself when someone expresses an opposite attitude; is it really worth the grief， I ask myself， and usually decide that no， it isn’t。 So I smile， nod， and tactfully try to change the subject。 Recently， however， I’ve got rather tired of letting th This is not the kind of book which I read these days， but I happened upon it by chance and was intrigued by the title。 The Courage to be Disliked！ As someone who takes the attitude of ‘Anything for a quiet life’， I’m no stranger of keeping my opinion to myself when someone expresses an opposite attitude; is it really worth the grief， I ask myself， and usually decide that no， it isn’t。 So I smile， nod， and tactfully try to change the subject。 Recently， however， I’ve got rather tired of letting those more vocal and aggressive in their views carry the field， and have stood up to be counted。 This has led to a more honest life， although not necessarily a comfortable one， but you know what？ I feel better for it。 I have the right to my opinions and to stand up for them。Which is what the Adlerian psychology discussed in The Courage to be Disliked is about， to put it far more simply than it is expressed in these pages。 The discussion takes place between an older philosopher answering the questions of a younger man who is sceptical of the elder’s views， all in the manner of Plato’s writings and Socrates explaining his philosophy to the younger Plato。 The philosopher explains that our society， in general， lives by Freudian philosophy; the idea of causality （‘my life is a mess because I had a troubled childhood’， my example） rather than by that of Adler， with the idea of focussing on present goals rather than on past causes。 The purpose of a given phenomenon， rather than its cause， is what is important for Adler: ‘We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences。 Your life is not something that someone gives you， but something you choose yourself， and you are the one who decides how you live’， according to the text。It’s a philosophy which requires some thought， but much of what is to be found here made a great deal of sense to me。 The chapter titles give an idea of what’s at stake， and I quote some here: ‘Deny the desire for recognition’， ‘Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others’， ‘What real freedom is’， ‘Exist in the present’ and ‘The courage to be normal’。 And that last is the point; having the courage。Which is why I’m off to read the follow-up book， The Courage to be Happy which， if it lives up to its forerunner， will also get a five-star recommendation。 。。。more

Andy Pandy ，

I'm taking the unusual and douchy step of reviewing a book that I have not read yet。 Bizarre。 Why？ Because I feel this is a book that one wants to read simply because it has a great， catchy title。 We all need to have this type of courage mentioned！ It would be so freeing。 As I'm sure the author covers。。。Judging from the other reviews， also， this is either the best thing since sliced bread or psycho babble。 I'll try to find out some day。Cheers and thanks for the fish。 I'm taking the unusual and douchy step of reviewing a book that I have not read yet。 Bizarre。 Why？ Because I feel this is a book that one wants to read simply because it has a great， catchy title。 We all need to have this type of courage mentioned！ It would be so freeing。 As I'm sure the author covers。。。Judging from the other reviews， also， this is either the best thing since sliced bread or psycho babble。 I'll try to find out some day。Cheers and thanks for the fish。 。。。more

Kayla ，

A bestseller in Asia originally published in 2013， it made its way to American readers。 The book uses the theories of Alfred Adler。 The work is written in the format of a discussion between a young man and a philosopher， which is where the use of different narrators comes into play。 There are different speakers for these conversationalists， as well as a third for a narrator who interjects to set the scene for the various discussions between our main characters。 Through these conversations the re A bestseller in Asia originally published in 2013， it made its way to American readers。 The book uses the theories of Alfred Adler。 The work is written in the format of a discussion between a young man and a philosopher， which is where the use of different narrators comes into play。 There are different speakers for these conversationalists， as well as a third for a narrator who interjects to set the scene for the various discussions between our main characters。 Through these conversations the reader learns the basics of Adlerian psychology， as well examples of them in play in the lives of our two companions。While I enjoyed the unique way in which we learn about the topic， it was hard for me to fully believe in what I was being told。 。。。more

Ariel Trees ，

I read this as part of a 75 day wellness challenge， and the title is just too appropriate in my life right now hahaha， though the title doesn’t refer to people doing outlandish things with no fear of what others think。 The book has the premise that many of the reasons we do anything at all have to do with fear about how others will react and this leads to disappointment on both ends。 “Courage to be Disliked” has the format of a dialogue。 The authors are paying tribute to Socrates/Plato there。 It I read this as part of a 75 day wellness challenge， and the title is just too appropriate in my life right now hahaha， though the title doesn’t refer to people doing outlandish things with no fear of what others think。 The book has the premise that many of the reasons we do anything at all have to do with fear about how others will react and this leads to disappointment on both ends。 “Courage to be Disliked” has the format of a dialogue。 The authors are paying tribute to Socrates/Plato there。 It was honestly a bit tiresome。 The beliefs being probed by “the philosopher” are those we hold about ourselves and our relations to others， our interpersonal problems etc and our conception of the self。 The “youth” of course takes the position of an every youth and heartily rejects each premise before ultimately accepting them。 The takes contained herein are existentialist/Eckhart Tolle mashup attributed to a lesser-known early 20th century psychologist named Adler。 Probably will look up Adler， I love this type of stuff。I especially enjoyed the passages that explore something called “Separation of tasks” — others have written on this concept w/o that label， but it shows the flaw in one person saying to another “you made me feel X” or “it’s your fault I did （thing）” and gives language to discuss with clarity。 This review written as I procrastinate the “working out” bit of the wellness challenge。 66 more days to go！ 。。。more

Farishta ，

This book changed my life and brought me much closure I did not think I needed。 All I can say， if I could I would of read this so much sooner。 I believe it would of saved me from much unneeded dread。

Victor Lu ，

This book is basically Adler's psychology （a distinct counterpoint to Freud's） expressed as a Socratic dialogue。 This book is basically Adler's psychology （a distinct counterpoint to Freud's） expressed as a Socratic dialogue。 。。。more

Mathew Joseph ，

I took a long time to finish this book and I don't regret it。 The book introduces a lot of insightful things about life and some of the things would be hard to digest。 But all the doubts that I had were raised in the interesting conversations between the two characters。 The conversational style was quite new to me and it felt really good。 Overall I really like the ideas the book talks about but implementing them in real life is gonna be a challenge which is pointed out by the author himself。 I took a long time to finish this book and I don't regret it。 The book introduces a lot of insightful things about life and some of the things would be hard to digest。 But all the doubts that I had were raised in the interesting conversations between the two characters。 The conversational style was quite new to me and it felt really good。 Overall I really like the ideas the book talks about but implementing them in real life is gonna be a challenge which is pointed out by the author himself。 。。。more

Sofhia ，

Before reading this book， I knew nothing about Adlerian psychology， so this is all new to me， even the socratic dialogue format。At first， I thought this book was going to talk about "how to be okay with people disliking us，" but it was not。 Using Adler's viewpoint， this book boldly talk about how Adlerian psychology denies trauma， adamantly。 It also says trauma doesn't exist。 However， that idea doesn't sit right with me。In earlier chapters， I found myself didn't enjoy it as much as I expected I Before reading this book， I knew nothing about Adlerian psychology， so this is all new to me， even the socratic dialogue format。At first， I thought this book was going to talk about "how to be okay with people disliking us，" but it was not。 Using Adler's viewpoint， this book boldly talk about how Adlerian psychology denies trauma， adamantly。 It also says trauma doesn't exist。 However， that idea doesn't sit right with me。In earlier chapters， I found myself didn't enjoy it as much as I expected I would be， but I kept going on。 Finally， on part 3 （the third night: discard other people's tasks）， this book was getting better。 It taught me to trust others and let them do their task without worrying whether they are going to mess it or nail it。 As a person with trust issue， this topic kinda slapped me in the face LOL。 I have come to the conclusion that this book is not the only book I can steal insights from。 Neither could this book single-handedly change me into someone new overnight。 So， I guess it's fine if I didn't fancy the idea altogether。 Thus， I am only going to take the lesson I find interesting。 。。。more

Swapnil Agarwal ，

It's the most powerful book I've ever read。 The book provides a nice introduction to Adlerian psychology with a unique conversational format between the philosopher and youth， which grew on me。 I had a lot of aha moments and will be picking this again soon。 It's the most powerful book I've ever read。 The book provides a nice introduction to Adlerian psychology with a unique conversational format between the philosopher and youth， which grew on me。 I had a lot of aha moments and will be picking this again soon。 。。。more

Romany ，

A very interesting introduction to Adlerian psychology。 I would read again。

magmaniac ，

The dialogue format of the book is an incredibly lazy way to distract the reader from picking holes in the authors'/Adler's ascientific theories。 I would be surprised if the Youth makes a single good argument through the novel， so the Elder's "refutations" in favour of the theories give the impression of answering criticism while saying nothing at all。Even then， the book fails utterly as a piece of rhetoric because of the way the dialogue is written。 Writing the reader surrogate， the Youth， as b The dialogue format of the book is an incredibly lazy way to distract the reader from picking holes in the authors'/Adler's ascientific theories。 I would be surprised if the Youth makes a single good argument through the novel， so the Elder's "refutations" in favour of the theories give the impression of answering criticism while saying nothing at all。Even then， the book fails utterly as a piece of rhetoric because of the way the dialogue is written。 Writing the reader surrogate， the Youth， as bratty and temperamental and the author surrogate， the Elder， as shrewd and even-tempered is humiliating and alienating。 I guess the authors should have focused less on trying to seem smart to the reader。。。 if only there were a book about that。The narrative also itself disproves the belief that the rest of the book is supposed to argue。 If the youth achieved felicity only after the talk with the philosopher， then it was not his will， but an external factor that motivated the change。 。。。more

Lavinia ，

Definitely worth reading！I liked the controversial approach and the courage to write such book。 I would love to read more of Kishimi and Adler’s psychology。

Ahmad Abugosh ，

"The Courage to Be Disliked" is a book written in a Socratic dialogue style。 It follows Adlerian psychology， which focuses on overcoming the feeling of inferiority。 Here are my notes from the book :- Think about people's motivations， their end goals not their actions。 For example， if someone stays at home their goal is to keep staying at home。 - Anger is not real。 If you get angry it's because you wanted to convey something but didn't have the patience to convince people so you wanted them to su "The Courage to Be Disliked" is a book written in a Socratic dialogue style。 It follows Adlerian psychology， which focuses on overcoming the feeling of inferiority。 Here are my notes from the book :- Think about people's motivations， their end goals not their actions。 For example， if someone stays at home their goal is to keep staying at home。 - Anger is not real。 If you get angry it's because you wanted to convey something but didn't have the patience to convince people so you wanted them to submit to you。 - People don't take action on things to feel superior。 It's a defense mechanism so they could say they could if they really tried but they don't to prevent failure。- Every problem is about interpersonal relationships。 Everyone is your comrade in life not a competitor。 - Objectives with life 1） To be Self Reliant 2） Harmony with society。 The two objectives that support this is to internalize 1） I have the ability 2） People are my comrades。 You need to be self-reliant mentally and in the sense of your work。 - There are 3 tasks for interpersonal relationships。 These are 3 social ties。 Tasks of work， tasks of friendship and tasks of love- NEET （Not in education， employment or training）。 They are shut ins （hint someone I know）。 If they get rejected by too many jobs， they feel their ego is hurt by seeing as having to ability （this hurts their dignity）- Relationships in which someone is prevented from expressing themselves always falls apart。 When someone can behave freely， they can feel loved。 Restriction is about control and distrust。 - People justify what they see based on their final judgment。 If someone is not happy， they look for something wrong and find flaws。 - Adlerian psychology is taking ownership of your life， you need to get past your excuses and life lie （playing others for your problems）。 - Deny the desire to seek recognition from others。 If you seek recognition， then you feel the need to praise to do anything positive。 You aren't living to satisfy other people's expectations。 We should never think about satisfying other people's expectations。- Think about whose task is this。 You then don't intrude on other people's tasks。 Think who is going to get the result of the decision being made。 For parents， if a child senses this hypocrisy they rebel。 You can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink。 You are the only one who can change yourself。 - The only thing you can do is think of the best option for you。 It's about your path。 You need to separate your tasks。 You have no control over other people。 Blaming others is "etiology"， not blaming is "teleology"。 For doing something think - Whose task is this？ - Gordian knot， a knot that you need to cut with a sword （not normal methods）， taken from Alexander the great。 Children should be given their own tasks as early as possible。 - Inclination is to be a slave to your impulses。 Don't be a stumbling stone， push yourself uphill。 - Freedom means you're being disliked by some people。- Everyone has their own world map。 You are a part of a community not it's center。- You have to make an active commitment to the community of your choosing， taking steps forward on your own。 Think about what you can give to others。 - When in a community， you should always remember that the world is a much larger community， and all problems in your community is a storm in a teacup- Vertical relationships， where you either rebuke or praise。 Both are bad because they both have a hierarchy。 It's a superiority play of feeling inferior when someone manipulates people （with rebuke or praise）- Horizontal relationships are about assistance， not intervention （intruding on their tasks）。 Assist them to resolve tasks on their own efforts。 The more one is praised， the more people feel they have no ability。 A way to do this is to show gratitude， respect and joy。 For example saying thank you。 Imagine a friend to a friend。 It's gratitude。 - When a person feels they have worth， they have courage。 I am of use to someone， so I have courage to live。 - We are of use to people just by being alive。 Supporting the psychological state of others， just by being alive and being safe in the here and now。 - There is no such thing as a 100% person。 We need to have "affirmative resignation"。 We have to focus on what we can control。 - You should always put confidence in other people to separate tasks - When it comes to stammering maybe one in ten people would care， and that person shouldn't matter at all to you。 Workaholics， put all their focus on work to avoid other difficulties and use it as a coping mechanism。 This is dangerous as it's possible that you may not be able to work in the future。- The greatest happiness is not being able to like oneself。 The best happiness is contribution to other people。 It just has to be a subjective sense。 It is just the feeling of contribution。 - People who think of their lives as climbing a mountain， is thinking about life as causes and you're just en route。 Think instead of life as a series of dots， or a series of moments called NOW。 Planning your life is impossible。 - Life has no meaning。 Your guiding star is that you contribute to others。 。。。more

Eduardo ，

Life-changing book。

Evan Dewangga ，

Di sela-sela kumpulan buku self-help yang isinya motivasi basi， buku "Berani Tidak Disukai" ini berbeda dan asyik di beberapa poin:1。 Format buku ini percakapan antara pemuda dan filsufDibanding membiarkan buku ini memberi petuah atau nasihat yang menggurui， pembaca punya spokesperson dalam buku ini， yaitu si mas pemuda。 Kerjaannya protes， mengritik dan membantah semua pernyataan filsuf。 Bahkan ketika saya sudah puas dengan jawaban filsuf， si pemuda tetap saja protes， terima kasih mas pemuda， te Di sela-sela kumpulan buku self-help yang isinya motivasi basi， buku "Berani Tidak Disukai" ini berbeda dan asyik di beberapa poin:1。 Format buku ini percakapan antara pemuda dan filsufDibanding membiarkan buku ini memberi petuah atau nasihat yang menggurui， pembaca punya spokesperson dalam buku ini， yaitu si mas pemuda。 Kerjaannya protes， mengritik dan membantah semua pernyataan filsuf。 Bahkan ketika saya sudah puas dengan jawaban filsuf， si pemuda tetap saja protes， terima kasih mas pemuda， teruskan kengeyelanmu。 Ini membuat membacanya jadi gemes， dan bahkan terasa perkembangan karakternya meski bukan buku fiksi。2。 Berbasis pada psikologi individual AdlerBuku non fiksi yang berbasis pada ilmu yang teruji adalah selera saya。 Jadi tak ayal， ketika membacanya dan mengetahui betapa undervalue-nya Adler， saya seperti menemukan hidden gem。 Belum lagi dikemasnya secara eceran， sehingga konsep yang susah bisa saya kunyah pelan-pelan， dan perlahan memakai framework berpikir Adler untuk diaplikasikan di hidup。3。 Ide-ide Adler yang relevan dan menyentakDari pandangan Adler yang menyatakan bahwa hidup tergantung tujuan （teleologis） bukan tergantung pada apa yang dialami （aetiologi）， membuat saya merenungkan kembali kapan saya membuat suatu peristiwa jadi alasan saya untuk tidak berkembang。 Ada juga konsep betapa dekatnya rasa sombong （superiority complex） dengan rendah diri （inferiority complex）。 Ini mengamini apa yang pernah saya dengar bahwa "Orang sombong sejatinya orang yang rendah diri"。 Karena dia rendah diri， butuh pengakuan， makanya dia menunjukkan itu dengan meninggikan dirinya yang bisa jadi "menginjak orang lain"。 Dia memakai nilai orang lain， pengakuan orang lain， untuk merasa dirinya berharga。 Atau bisa juga， dia mengeksploitasi kelemahannya， untuk mendapat perhatian （inferiority complex）。 Adler menyederhanakannya dengan menyebutkan bahwa manusia yang paling bisa mempengaruhi orang itu bayi， sebab bayi memanfaatkan kelemahannya untuk dikasihani。 Wajar bayi begitu， tapi banyak juga orang yang sudah dewasa tapi masih sering merengek layaknya bayi。 Adler juga menyinggung bahwa kita harus hidup saat ini， hidup seperti menari， kita menikmati tiap tempo， tiap nuansa， untuk menjadi penuh。Ada ungkapan bahasa Jepang yang saya suka dari buku ini， "Kita dapat mengarahkan kuda yang kita tunggangi ke danau atau sungai， tapi kita tidak bisa memaksanya untuk minum"。 Peribahasa ini untuk menunjukkan bahwa yang mengendalikan orang lain adalah dia sendiri， kita tak bisa memaksakan peran kita untuknya。 Sentilan itu sangat stoa dan membuat hidup saya jadi lebih tenang mengingat saya kadang masih suka memaksa "kuda untuk minum"。Serta masih banyak lagi pelajaran dan insight yang dapat dipetik dari buku ini。 Saya membacanya memang baru sekali， tapi idenya tak akan pernah berhenti bergema di benak saya。 Sangat direkomendasikan untuk yang mau kepo tentang psikologi individu Adler yang sangat berbeda dari konsep psikologinya Freud。 Serta untuk yang sering merasa minder， buku ini bakal terasa nendang banget dan membuat kalian lebih menghargai diri kalian sendiri。 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=嫌われる勇気

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=嫌われる勇気&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,嫌われる勇気&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0