The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-04-02 11:52:47
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Michael P. Nichols
- ISBN：1462542743
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Reviews
Golnoush
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کتاب فوق العاده ایست
James Passaro
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A very extensive discussion of how to listen。 I enjoyed it and learned a lot。 The book has a good dose of humor
Donna
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I listened to this one on audio and really liked it。 The narrator was fabulous。 I wish I had listened to this earlier。。。。。like in early marriage and early motherhood。 It could have been helpful。 This was a great reminder to remember to listen。 The author emphasized the the importance of this in work， family， & marriage relationships。 The examples he used were also perfectly relatable。 So 4 stars。
Mohadese Behnam
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شاید خیلی از ما فکر کنیم چون وقتی طرف مقابل حرف می‌زنه، سکوت می‌کنیم و با حرکات تایید سر و یا اوهوم گفتن‌ها تاییدش می‌کنیم، یا برعکس مدام با شوخی و حرف‌های قشنگ پاسخی نسبت به صحبتش داریم یعنی شنونده خوبی هستیم و خب زهی خیال باطل！این کتاب بیشتر تمرکزش روی اینه که عادات مخرب ما توی گوش دادن چیه。 چی باعث میشه نتونیم شنونده خوبی باشیم؛ حالا می‌خواد در برخورد با والدین، بچه‌ها، یا رئیس و یا جمع دوستان باشه。البته کتاب با نمونه جلسات مشاوره و مثال‌های عینی باعث میشه که خودتون رو توی موقعیت‌های مختلف تص شاید خیلی از ما فکر کنیم چون وقتی طرف مقابل حرف می‌زنه، سکوت می‌کنیم و با حرکات تایید سر و یا اوهوم گفتن‌ها تاییدش می‌کنیم، یا برعکس مدام با شوخی و حرف‌های قشنگ پاسخی نسبت به صحبتش داریم یعنی شنونده خوبی هستیم و خب زهی خیال باطل！این کتاب بیشتر تمرکزش روی اینه که عادات مخرب ما توی گوش دادن چیه。 چی باعث میشه نتونیم شنونده خوبی باشیم؛ حالا می‌خواد در برخورد با والدین، بچه‌ها، یا رئیس و یا جمع دوستان باشه。البته کتاب با نمونه جلسات مشاوره و مثال‌های عینی باعث میشه که خودتون رو توی موقعیت‌های مختلف تصور کنید و به خودتون تلنگر بزنید که شما کجا این اشتباهات یا حسن رفتار رو داشتید و این نقطه مثبت کتابه。من با یه سوال رفتم سراغ این کتاب که اگر گوش دادن به معنی شنیدن مشکل و راهکار دادن نیست، پس چیه؟！و خب متوجه شدم مهمترین اصل توی گوش دادن اینکه طرف مقابل متوجه بشه که برای ما اهمیت داره و احساسش رو جدی گرفتیم و بهش بها دادیم。 و همین یعنی بالا بردن عزت نفس و ارزش‌مند بودن کنار کسانی که دوستشون داریم。 。。。more
Christine Slaughter
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Excellent book that really helped me learn to listen to what people are saying and see things from their perspective。 Typically I have "listened" so that I could respond to a person， but far more important is listening to understand。 This book completely changed how I communicate with my husband， my children， and my friends。 It is definitely a work in progress， and something I have to work on daily， but this book really helped me change from having "arguments" to having discussions to work towar Excellent book that really helped me learn to listen to what people are saying and see things from their perspective。 Typically I have "listened" so that I could respond to a person， but far more important is listening to understand。 This book completely changed how I communicate with my husband， my children， and my friends。 It is definitely a work in progress， and something I have to work on daily， but this book really helped me change from having "arguments" to having discussions to work towards a solution。 。。。more
Caitlin
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The Lost Art of Listening is an examination of the ways in which communication， and listening in particular， can be used to improve relationships， whether romantic， friends or family。 The author has experience in counseling and splits the book into sections covering different types of communication issues that come up among individuals and how better listening can improve empathy and allow us to work through problems rather than just continuing the argument or making someone feel ignored。 While The Lost Art of Listening is an examination of the ways in which communication， and listening in particular， can be used to improve relationships， whether romantic， friends or family。 The author has experience in counseling and splits the book into sections covering different types of communication issues that come up among individuals and how better listening can improve empathy and allow us to work through problems rather than just continuing the argument or making someone feel ignored。 While I like to think that I'm a good listener， reading this book gave me a fairly good indication that I'm not quite as good as I think I am。 Nichols examines common pitfalls like thinking of what to say next instead of listening and being reactive instead of just letting someone express themselves without getting judgmental， offering unwanted advice or getting defensive。 Nichols provides strategies for many common situations where listening might be a struggle。 While following that advice religiously might make you sound like a therapist， there's a lot of good advice here and much of it I took notes on to help improve relationships in my life。 If you want to work on communication or take some time to examine whether listening is really a skill you do well， this book is well worth picking up。 It's not perfect， but I found it valuable and there's enough humor and situational examples to make it an easy and intriguing read。 。。。more
Jessica Corwin
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Overflowing with wisdom， perspective + good practices。
Sylvia
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I think that this is a great book that everyone should read and apply！ We could all be better listeners！Listening is so important is relationships， every relationship - marital， family， school， work， public， friends。I enjoyed how this book is laid out in four different sections and at the end of each chapter there are exercises to do。 The reader learns a principle and then is given direction on applying it。 This is then a on-hands book。 The author also gives plenty of examples of real life examp I think that this is a great book that everyone should read and apply！ We could all be better listeners！Listening is so important is relationships， every relationship - marital， family， school， work， public， friends。I enjoyed how this book is laid out in four different sections and at the end of each chapter there are exercises to do。 The reader learns a principle and then is given direction on applying it。 This is then a on-hands book。 The author also gives plenty of examples of real life examples of each principle。Quotes I liked:A good listener is a witness， not a judge of your experience。” Genuine listening means suspending memory， desire， and judgment — and， for a moment at least， existing for the other person。 The yearning to be heard is a yearning to escape our isolation and bridge the space that separates us。Nothing hurts more than the sense that the people we carry about aren't really listening。 We never outgrow the need to have our feelings known。 That's why a sympathetic ear is such a powerful force in human relationships - and why the failure to be understood is so painful。Talking without listening is like snipping an electrical cord in half and hoping that somehow something will match up。。。。。the people in our ives are eminently worth listening to， a sense of their dignity and value。 One thing we can all add a little more of is understanding - respect， compassion， and fairness， the fundamental values conveyed by listening。Listening isn't a need we have， it's a gift we give。 。。。more
Megan Fuller
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Wow。 Just wow。 My son had to read this book for his college classes and recommended it to me。 What a great book to read， in conjunction to another one I finished on mindfulness。 Wow。 The exercises are very deep but easy to use for reflection。 The examples are right on - for friendships， parenting， marriages。 I felt like the author has been a fly on the wall in my house。The author really gets into the art of listening - for all ages， for how children learn to communicate， and how our parenting an Wow。 Just wow。 My son had to read this book for his college classes and recommended it to me。 What a great book to read， in conjunction to another one I finished on mindfulness。 Wow。 The exercises are very deep but easy to use for reflection。 The examples are right on - for friendships， parenting， marriages。 I felt like the author has been a fly on the wall in my house。The author really gets into the art of listening - for all ages， for how children learn to communicate， and how our parenting and parents impact others relationships and conversations。 I will definitely listen to or read this book once a year and highly recommend it。 Read it slowly。 I will the 2nd time。 。。。more
Goober
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Why is it so hard for people to just see and hear each other？ This book explores that。 Lots of good stuff。 Kinda dated， but solid timeless stuff nonetheless。 Highly recommend。
Simba
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If you're having problems developing genuinely intimate relationships， this is easily the book for you。M。 Nichols goes about helping you by subtly making you realize that the problem this whole time was you。 Your inability to listen caused by some undealt with internal struggle or conflict - your own incongruencies cause your problems in relationships。I thoroughly enjoyed the examples that span from family and friendship to platonic and more intimate relations。A must read for everyone， honestly。 If you're having problems developing genuinely intimate relationships， this is easily the book for you。M。 Nichols goes about helping you by subtly making you realize that the problem this whole time was you。 Your inability to listen caused by some undealt with internal struggle or conflict - your own incongruencies cause your problems in relationships。I thoroughly enjoyed the examples that span from family and friendship to platonic and more intimate relations。A must read for everyone， honestly。 。。。more
Katarína Benešová
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This is one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read。 Everyone thinks we're better listeners than we actually are。 This book is made for self-reflection on that and other aspects of our communication with people we care about。One quote （or thought） from the book I remember is "we measure by what we hear， but we want to be measured by what we mean"。 I find that beautifully put。 This is one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read。 Everyone thinks we're better listeners than we actually are。 This book is made for self-reflection on that and other aspects of our communication with people we care about。One quote （or thought） from the book I remember is "we measure by what we hear， but we want to be measured by what we mean"。 I find that beautifully put。 。。。more
Scot Parker
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Tl;dr: Focus on who you are listening to， rather than thinking about what you want to say in response。 This can help improve your relationships。
philip
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At first I thought this was going to be the meanderings of a therapist who no longer felt the need to back up his thoughts with data。 （That’s exactly what other reviewers said。）But that’s not this book。 True， you will find as many anecdotes here as in a self-help book， but nowhere near the amount of happy endings。 Moreover， this guy writes textbooks on this stuff。 He’s a careful scholar， but this isn’t that kind of book either。About 1/4 through I concluded that much of the information here isn’t At first I thought this was going to be the meanderings of a therapist who no longer felt the need to back up his thoughts with data。 （That’s exactly what other reviewers said。）But that’s not this book。 True， you will find as many anecdotes here as in a self-help book， but nowhere near the amount of happy endings。 Moreover， this guy writes textbooks on this stuff。 He’s a careful scholar， but this isn’t that kind of book either。About 1/4 through I concluded that much of the information here isn’t just knowledge。 It’s wisdom。I’d recommend it to anyone。However， the book is a little dated:/ My generation doesn’t like to “chew the meat and spit out the bones。” I was fortunate to have a father who taught me that。BUT！ The 3rd edition is coming out in a few months， and they’ll update accordingly。 I’m sure。Check it out！ 。。。more
Chuck
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This was my best book of the year！ I am a very bad listener！ I don't feel so bad because most people I talk to are also pretty bad！ This book points out the mistake we all make when communicating with one another。 This was my best book of the year！ I am a very bad listener！ I don't feel so bad because most people I talk to are also pretty bad！ This book points out the mistake we all make when communicating with one another。 。。。more
michellewee
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Listening should not be confused with hearing。 Listening is a skill that needs to be taught and practiced in our daily activities， while hearing is just one of our sensory instruments which constantly receives inputs from our surroundings。 True listening requires us to forget our needs and drop our ego， submitting ourselves entirely to the other person's need for attention。 This has to be at the core of our intention when we listen。 I am surprised that I only came to this realisation after readi Listening should not be confused with hearing。 Listening is a skill that needs to be taught and practiced in our daily activities， while hearing is just one of our sensory instruments which constantly receives inputs from our surroundings。 True listening requires us to forget our needs and drop our ego， submitting ourselves entirely to the other person's need for attention。 This has to be at the core of our intention when we listen。 I am surprised that I only came to this realisation after reading Nichols' work。 As an introvert， I've always thought myself to be a good listener， now I understood that without the right intention， I was not。 It is a real human need， to feel understood， taken seriously and our feelings known。 In conversations， our tendency to talk more and dominate is based on the desire to be 'in control' and make sure what's on our mind gets the air time。 We have the assumption that to add value to the relationship/ conversation we must contribute our ideas and opinions。 'Good listening is being witness to their feelings， not a judge'。 Beyond learning many technicality on how I can listen better， I could also finally reconcile with some of my painful past relationships and rationalised my fear towards socialising。 On top of that， if I am always so concerned and overwhelmed with the desire to be listened to， I cannot be a good listener myself too。 。。。more
Danh Tran
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The substance in the book is very rich。 There are times where I find myself in scenarios where I fallen into the traps or tendencies that are person would do that actually isn't positive or beneficial to the conversation。 As someone who is always an active listener that speaks their mind， this book taught me to take the back seat more and be more supportive。 The book however， has too many examples。 Every other page is an example which brings the overall stickiness of each example down。 The substance in the book is very rich。 There are times where I find myself in scenarios where I fallen into the traps or tendencies that are person would do that actually isn't positive or beneficial to the conversation。 As someone who is always an active listener that speaks their mind， this book taught me to take the back seat more and be more supportive。 The book however， has too many examples。 Every other page is an example which brings the overall stickiness of each example down。 。。。more
Moonkiszt
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Admittedly， I picked this book up because I wanted to add to my prodigious communication skills - of which listening was the one in which I was most confident - but you can always get better， right？ So I jumped in。Guess what？ I'm not。 A good listener， that is。 I checked in with a good friend who is ever honest。 Yeah， she said。 You're not so good as you think。 （Always keep a friend like this in your group。 Humility enforcer。） Evidently， I break in too often with seemingly random responses。 I'm su Admittedly， I picked this book up because I wanted to add to my prodigious communication skills - of which listening was the one in which I was most confident - but you can always get better， right？ So I jumped in。Guess what？ I'm not。 A good listener， that is。 I checked in with a good friend who is ever honest。 Yeah， she said。 You're not so good as you think。 （Always keep a friend like this in your group。 Humility enforcer。） Evidently， I break in too often with seemingly random responses。 I'm sure they tie in somehow。 Maybe。 Maybe？Anyway， I enjoyed this book， and sensed early on that there was plenty here to keep me focused - and particularly liked the end of chapter homework。 That helps me。 Basic techniques work well for me。This was a listen for me - I will be purchasing a hardcopy so I can make notes and page through freestyle。If you think you're a great listener。 。 。 。maybe you should check it out with a trusted member of your circle， and if you need a little help with improvements to your listening skills， this is a great book with which to start your regime。 。。。more
Deborah Eason
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 This book is phenomenal！ A must read for anyone who wants to increase their leadership and relationship skills。
Cassandra Cridland
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I read and re-read sections of this book very slowly。 A lot of great information that I'm attempting to implement and in the process become a better listener。 I read and re-read sections of this book very slowly。 A lot of great information that I'm attempting to implement and in the process become a better listener。 。。。more
Varun
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decent book， with quite a bit of suggestions and self-awareness。
Sonya
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Dry， academic writing but fascinating subject matter。 Iput this book down for a while because it was repetitive （yes， listening is important） but it was nice to revisit once I picked back up。 This totally transformed the way I think about listening。 It also made me realize how often we don’t fully listen and don’t seem to realize it （all the time）， and where this lack of listening comes from （defensive reactions and we are all scared children on the interior）。 Super interesting。 I learned a ton。
DreemSeeker
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The Lost Art of Listening is probably the best guide that I can recommend for people who are experiencing relationship difficulties， but the person with whom they are having difficulty is not interested in working on the relationship。 （i。e。 the other person thinks that the problem is yours， not theirs！）The exercises and insights in this book give a person the tools to make unilateral changes that can improve relationships without requiring a "buy-in" by the other person！ The techniques do requir The Lost Art of Listening is probably the best guide that I can recommend for people who are experiencing relationship difficulties， but the person with whom they are having difficulty is not interested in working on the relationship。 （i。e。 the other person thinks that the problem is yours， not theirs！）The exercises and insights in this book give a person the tools to make unilateral changes that can improve relationships without requiring a "buy-in" by the other person！ The techniques do require effort and practice， but they get results。 The conversational style and ample examples keep the book readable and engaging。I definitely recommend this book！ 。。。more
Srikar
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I did not think listening as a subject could be so interesting and enlightening too。 Its written with certain sense of humility that is necessary for a listener in general and probably thats why it worked。 It is long。 Not in a boring way or any other negative way。 It was engaging particularly with Sean’s impeccable emphatic narration （listened to it on audible）。 Nevertheless it was long with same wisdom pacakaged in numerous different ways with a gem of advice here and there。 Thats probably expe I did not think listening as a subject could be so interesting and enlightening too。 Its written with certain sense of humility that is necessary for a listener in general and probably thats why it worked。 It is long。 Not in a boring way or any other negative way。 It was engaging particularly with Sean’s impeccable emphatic narration （listened to it on audible）。 Nevertheless it was long with same wisdom pacakaged in numerous different ways with a gem of advice here and there。 Thats probably expected considering i or you are not the audience in mind and with a subject like this ， you have to cover multiple nuances， relatable anecdotes， contexts to bring a connection with wide variety of audience。 So it was long by the very need of making the subject appeal to more people。 That inherently makes the writing repetitive。 However on bright side， the repitition was enhanced within a new context ， embellished with nuanced insights thereby keeping the listener sufficiently engaged。 Each reader might find epiphanies in disparate parts of the book， so its hard to categorize and dismiss any particular chapter more than other， although， most of them carry the same core message。 One stark contrast and an unfortunate one is the evident male bias in the book。 At some point in book he indulges in proving the point by presenting husband and wife squabbles。 While the points are not all wrong but there is a definite lack of appreciation for the female side and its all dumbed down to “listening issues”。 All while those examples reek of the inherent female discrimination。 （Referring to the most glaring of all i。e。 sharing of home chores and child care responsibilities ）。 Just like most pop psychology books， the book offers a lot of generic advice that with some rephrasing can be labeled as any other problem: Love and respect， Listening ， Character building， introvert-extrovert dichotomy， sensitivity， tolerance， empathy ， relationship building。。。。。 and more。 There are as usual alternative jargon introduced ， albeit with more humility than usual， for same old wisdom。 Author says reactivity which others might say sensitivity or quietness or mindfulness or engaged empathy 。 Sometimes its nuanced enough to require a new word ， on other occassions it just ends up being old wine in new bottle。 None of that takes away the importance and honesty， depth with which the message was conveyed。 All the subtle ， soft exhortation to listen more， to listen right is very commendable and I will definitely recommend this to any reader。 He is right when he begins by saying ‘you might think you are a good listener。 But you are wrong’ （paraphrased）。 。。。more
ila Akbari
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ترجمه اشتباهاتی داشت
Susan
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Listening is a skill。 The author gives some tips/ideas and exercises to help accomplish and/or improve this skill， but the bottom line is: if you want to be a better listener， shut up and listen。 The rest of the book seemed like a lot of psychotherapy 。。。。。
Jaci
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Very good info but hard to read。 Author bounces all over and sometimes doesn't write out his point， but thinks you will get it from examples。 Very good info but hard to read。 Author bounces all over and sometimes doesn't write out his point， but thinks you will get it from examples。 。。。more
Arash Vakili
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عطش درك شدن گفتگوهاي خياليهمدلي ، همدردي ، ناشنيده ماندن。ناگفته ها، ما را به ضعف ميكشاندناشنيده ماندن رنج جانكاهيست افكار ناگفتهكتاب در مورد شنيده شدن و تاثيرات آن است و تاثيرات شنيده شدن و گفت و گو در روابط با دوستان ، با همكاران ، والدين با فرزندان و بالعكس ، زن و شوهر ، و 。。و در هر بخش راهكارهاي عملي براي خوب گوش دادن。در مورد من بسيار مفيد بود。
David
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The best thing about this book is that it not only teaches you how to listen better but you also profit from a seasoned veteran psychologist as he doesn't to all forms of relationships。 The best thing about this book is that it not only teaches you how to listen better but you also profit from a seasoned veteran psychologist as he doesn't to all forms of relationships。 。。。more
Alecia
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