Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused
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- Create Date：2023-03-06 07:03:58
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Brad Hambrick
- ISBN：1535988142
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Summary
Is your church prepared to care for individuals who have experienced various forms of abuse？
As we continue to learn of more individuals experiencing sexual abuse， domestic violence， and other forms of abuse， it’s clear that resources are needed to help ministries and leaders care for these individuals with love， support， and in cooperation with civil authorities。 This handbook seeks to help the church take a significant step forward in its care for those who have been abused。
Working in tandem with the Church Cares resources and videos， this handbook brings together leading evangelical trauma counselors， victim advocates， social workers， attorneys， batterer interventionists， and survivors to equip pastors and ministry leaders for the appropriate initial responses to a variety of abuse scenarios in churches， schools， or ministries。
Though the most comprehensive training is experienced by using this handbook and the videos together， readers who may be unable to access the videos can use this handbook as a stand-alone resource。
As we continue to learn of more individuals experiencing sexual abuse， domestic violence， and other forms of abuse， it’s clear that resources are needed to help ministries and leaders care for these individuals with love， support， and in cooperation with civil authorities。 This handbook seeks to help the church take a significant step forward in its care for those who have been abused。
Working in tandem with the Church Cares resources and videos， this handbook brings together leading evangelical trauma counselors， victim advocates， social workers， attorneys， batterer interventionists， and survivors to equip pastors and ministry leaders for the appropriate initial responses to a variety of abuse scenarios in churches， schools， or ministries。
Though the most comprehensive training is experienced by using this handbook and the videos together， readers who may be unable to access the videos can use this handbook as a stand-alone resource。
Reviews
Chloe
，
Great resource。 I hope it's used by more and more church/ministry leaders。 Great resource。 I hope it's used by more and more church/ministry leaders。 。。。more
PD
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Helpful to pastors， lay leaders， and church leaders for establishing practices for prevention and navigating response。 One of several key resources to be aware and use。 Set up for practical reference and designed to be used for training others。
Billie White
，
This was a good， yet hard read at times， content-wise。 It helped lay out organization for different situations， and it gave information on responses to these situations。 It helped distinguish the role of the church compared to other entities responding to abuse。 I wasn’t a fan of the question and answer set-up with the answers being a couple of the book’s authors。 I also made a note through the whole book to look for this， and only one person referred to an abuser as him/her implying that women This was a good， yet hard read at times， content-wise。 It helped lay out organization for different situations， and it gave information on responses to these situations。 It helped distinguish the role of the church compared to other entities responding to abuse。 I wasn’t a fan of the question and answer set-up with the answers being a couple of the book’s authors。 I also made a note through the whole book to look for this， and only one person referred to an abuser as him/her implying that women can also abuse。 I was very saddened to see so many times that the expectation of all abusers would be male， and in turn， the victims were often referred to as “the wife”。 There were also quite a few grammatical errors （4-5？）。Overall， good read content-wise。 。。。more
Wood Marshall
，
This book is very good and very helpful。 All pastor and ministry leaders need to read this。 I also encourage to take your leadership through this。 It is so helpful on how to handle abuse and how to help care for those who have been hurt。 It also has tons of helpful articles to help in how to care for the hurting。It also has a chapter on how to care for the abuser which was really good。 Please read this book and take careful notes。 Please help your church become a church that cares well。
Heidi Goehmann
，
A helpful primer with some thoughtful questions to prepare church policies and practices to avoid abuse and to build awareness of victim blaming。 I was not in love with the formatting and there were a few concepts that seemed a bit intrusive and less than empowering even though I think it is well intentioned。
Hannah Brigmon
，
Having spent no more than a week in a role which allows me to partner with victims of abuse， I am learning that the dialogue surrounding the church is more often one of pain than it is of healing。 This book does an incredible job of calling church leaders to act upon the calls to action we see in verses like Proverbs 31:8 and Isaiah 1:17！“Working with the traumatized is a ministry of restraint， of slowing down and of little by little。 It is a small task of our almighty God becoming flesh on our Having spent no more than a week in a role which allows me to partner with victims of abuse， I am learning that the dialogue surrounding the church is more often one of pain than it is of healing。 This book does an incredible job of calling church leaders to act upon the calls to action we see in verses like Proverbs 31:8 and Isaiah 1:17！“Working with the traumatized is a ministry of restraint， of slowing down and of little by little。 It is a small task of our almighty God becoming flesh on our behalf。 It is the ministry of small things， of going back for lost things。 I have found the work to be what I call a front row seat to redemption— in two people。” 。。。more
David Dominguez
，
Super practical and helpful book that I think everyone who is in ministry or aspires to be in ministry should read。 Apart from the content within each chapter the appendixes provide helpful information that makes this book not only a must read but a handy resource。 Couldn’t recommend more！
Chris Collier
，
Terrible that the book has to be written for many reasons but super practical。 A bit repetitive due to the multiple contributors but very helpful。
Malissa Chapin
，
Absolutely fantastic Should be required reading for all church leaders。 Paid or lay leaders。 Tons of information and helpful resources。 Well written and helpful。
Dan
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Listened to/Read with churchcares。com class with church staff。 Really helpful。
Charles Williams
，
An invaluable resource for shepherds seeking to protect and mend injured sheep （Ezek。 34。16）。
Andy Febrico Bintoro
，
A counselor handbookA simple course mainly for counselor to face abused people and how to guide them to the healing。 Many type of abusive things， and church must established discipline for this cause。
Kara
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This is an invaluable resource for everyone， though specifically geared to leaders， and is free both in written and video form at https://churchcares。com/。 It is professionally done using instruction from pastors， counselors （biblical and licensed）， survivors， attorneys and law enforcement which gives all of the essential information while beautifully weaving the gospel into each topic。 The appendices are also helpful resources for state specific legal information and how to practically use the This is an invaluable resource for everyone， though specifically geared to leaders， and is free both in written and video form at https://churchcares。com/。 It is professionally done using instruction from pastors， counselors （biblical and licensed）， survivors， attorneys and law enforcement which gives all of the essential information while beautifully weaving the gospel into each topic。 The appendices are also helpful resources for state specific legal information and how to practically use the resource for all types of church ministry leaders。 A few of the key concepts I want to remember:Lesson 6: Key Responses to Physical Abuse"One huge mistake some churches have made is assuming marriage counseling is the best treatment options when abuse is disclosed。 It is not。 That only reinforces the abuser's mind-set that it is someone else's fault he or she behaves that way。 Remember， safety and care for the victim of abuse is your highest priority right now， not repairing the marriage。 that comes later if and only when the abuser takes full responsibility for the abuse and has learned to handle his or her frustrations and disappointments in new ways。"Non-intrusive and discreet way pastors or other trusted persons can say speak into concerns with a possible victim:1。 I've noticed ________， are you okay？ Is something going on？2。 It seems like talking about ________ can be really upsetting， do you want to talk about it？3。 How can I support you？Lesson 7: What happens when you call CPS？"Any reconciliation， must come on the heels of a genuine long-term pattern of repentance。 Jesus never promised that our earthly families would always remain intact。 However， He did promise to be with us through every situation， to strengthen our fight against sin， and to shape us into His image。"Lesson 8: Non-Criminal Forms of Abuse （Verbal and Emotional）"To say that these are forms of abuse which are not illegal in no ways minimizes how wrong these forms of abuse are。 It merely indicates who has jurisdiction over the consequences for these actions: the civil authorities for matters that are illegal， the church for matters that are immoral within their congregation。""[An emotionally] destructive marriage isn't just difficult or disappointing。 It is devastating to the very God-given dignity of the other。""It's important in these moments to understand that abuse， addictions， and chronic adultery are no marital problems。 For sur they cause marital problems， but at their heart， they are serious personal sin issues and must be seen as such for genuine healing to take place。"In the case of emotional abuse we ask 3 questions:1。 Is the emotionally abusive person present for pastoral care （likely marriage counseling）？Yes， then pastoral counseling needs to become individual rather than familial。 2。 Are we only talking to the emotionally abuse person？Yes， then believe what they are saying and connect them with an experienced counselor。3。 Is the emotionally abusive person a church member？Use the power and control wheel， make a timeline to see the escalation and connect each behavior to the actual or potential outcome。 "The reality of one's intention doesn't outweigh the impact， and frankly when we do uncover motives we can focus on the sinister nature of abuse rather than the softened claims of the perpetrator。"Lesson 9: Pastoral Care After Reporting: Reporting Is NOT a Ministerial Hand Off"It is only a church-as-entire-body that can provide the kind of care an abuse victim needs。"Practical ways to show you care and actually care:1。 I'd like to do something special for you。 What sorts of things would show you that someone cares？2。 How can I make your day better？"Victims do not need someone else telling them what to do， their abuser did that。 。。。 It is redemptive to restore their own ability to make decisions。""When a church handles one case well， the other victims watching from the sidelines will start to come forward--so it is imperative to duplicate and train [the care team]。"Lesson 10: Pastoral Care and Correction For An Abuser"。。。across studies the rates of false accusations run between 3 and 9 percent。 。。。 When deception has been so practice in a life， exposure will first result in denial and more lies。 Someone who has been abusing has lost the capacity to tell the truth to him/herself。 Healing is only possible when the light shines relentlessly in the darkness until the offender falls down before our crucified God knowing that it is against that wounded Savior that he/she has sinned。""The abuser demands nothing from any human， no position， no restoration--including forgiveness--acknowledging their inability to live in truth and knowing better than any they are not to be trusted and the choices behind their actions are theirs and theirs alone。"The objective [in focusing the abuser on the clearest examples of abuse] is to help them realize that when their average or 'normal' conflict response level registers as a '5 or 6，' this is a healthy person's worst conflict response。"Key qualities that show us change [in an abuser] is happening:1。 Humility。 They ask good questions and listen。 Blame-shifting will stop as humility emerges。2。 Patience: When a humble person hears the pain their abuse has caused， they do not rush or demand a gracious response。3。 Accountability: "Privacy kills change and fuels sin。 Transparency kills sin and fuels change。"4。 Robust Repentance: The abusive individual must not construe repentance as 'groveling。'"When an oppressor is repentant， we will see an entirely different fruit in their lives。 We must be careful to not fall for displays of worldly regret which are characterized by remorse for how their sin is causing them suffering。 We are looking for godly regret which is focused on how it offends God and brings restoration and redemption to others。"When repentance isn't present:1。 If the abusive spouse does not repent， then the church should remove them from membership， and support the abused spouse in whatever decision they need to make for their safety。 "Even if a church does not believe that continued abuse fits the abandonment clause of 1 Cor 7， their choice is not between one holy and one unholy option。 The choice is between empowering an abuser and supporting a victim pursing of safety。"A response to the abuser or another church member questioning the above。。。"it would be hypocritical for an abusive spouse to condemn their spouse for separation while not addressing their abusive behaviors。 As a church， we do not view prolonged separation or divorce as worse that refusing to change abusive behavior。 Unfortunately， those were the only options that the abusive spouse left to their family。 In abusive situations， we do not tell the victim what they out to do。 We believe that is a matter of conscience and wisdom。 We do support the victims of abuse in the choices they need to make for their own safety and the safety of their children。"2。 If the abusive spouse repents and manifests evidence of change。。。 "it is hypocritical to expect forgiveness and trust in a shorter amount of time than it took the abuser to come to repent--which includes the months or years before the church became aware of the abuse。"Lesson 11: Response to Abuse by a Church Leader"。。。the very dynamics making you question the victim's story are usually the very dynamics that make the victim's story possible。 Those are the very dynamics that gave the abuser power， and kept victims silent。 And if you think it seems implausible to you to hear it， imagine the confusion and disbelief the victim felt living it。 Victims are keenly aware of all the reasons they aren't likely to be believed， which is why， by the time a victim speaks up， an abuser has usually thoroughly groomed the community around him too， and you may be part of that。""Start off by not judging。 By not assuming that the victim has any motive to report other than they have been abused and need help。 and be mindful of the behavior of the offender。 Are they answering questions， or are they just focused on the behavior of the victim and what they must be doing wrong？"Lesson 12: Seven Next Steps After This Training"We want this resource to cultivate awareness that God loves the oppressed and wants to protect them through the church-at-large。""Here's the reality: what a pastor talks about in the pulpit or through social media is what congregation members think it's okay to struggle with at church。 。。。 Here's one simple way to rectify that dilemma: schedule to post abuse resources in your church's social media accounts at a set interval。""We should be mindful of the fact that Jesus， came into this world sacrificially， not holding HIs power and position over us， but instead， He is devoted and sacrificing。 He is the anti-oppressor; He does not seek to rule over us， demand our affections， or subject us to His majesty。 Instead Jesus woos us with HIs gentle and forgiving love。 so much so that， Jesus was willing to be wounded， even to the point of death to display His love for us。""My greatest refuge and healing came from properly understanding how Jesus sees abuse， and the incredible hope of the gospel。""Statistically， around a fourth of your congregation and your community have experienced sexual or domestic abuse。""Church leaders must face something they find troublesome and that is the reality that some marriages cannot be saved。 Not because God can't heal， but because people won't repent or do the hard work to change。""God does not care more about the sanctity of marriage than He does for the safety and sanity of the individuals within that relationship。" 。。。more
Amy Lee
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Multiple authors share their experience and wisdom in biblically helping those who might be in a situation to encounter abuse victims。 Written especially for church leaders。
Rachel
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This training was very informative and thorough。 I was especially pleased that licensed professionals were the ones contributing。 I’d love to see another training come out as a follow up that would cover abuse prevention in the church， with topics on consent， purity culture， abusive theological teachings， etc。 Glad that I was a part of the training。
Nate
，
The Southern Baptist Convention had a reckoning during the summer of 2018 when the Houston Chronicle released a report detailing the stories of 700 victims of sexual abuse with the denomination。 Brad Hambrick， a leading biblical counselor within the denomination， was tasked with developing a sexual abuse prevention curriculum aimed at church leadership。 That curriculum included this book， which is available for free online/Kindle。 It was written by a committee of therapists， ministers， social wo The Southern Baptist Convention had a reckoning during the summer of 2018 when the Houston Chronicle released a report detailing the stories of 700 victims of sexual abuse with the denomination。 Brad Hambrick， a leading biblical counselor within the denomination， was tasked with developing a sexual abuse prevention curriculum aimed at church leadership。 That curriculum included this book， which is available for free online/Kindle。 It was written by a committee of therapists， ministers， social workers， survivors， a lawyer， and law enforcement。 That approach can make it seem disjointed， but it captures the multi-discipline expertise necessary in cases of abuse。 While the origin of the project is heartbreaking， it provides a long overdue resource。 It， or something like it， should be required reading for those in ministry leadership。 。。。more
Crystal
，
Such informative and relevant content for church members and leaders today。 I’m recommending it to everyone I know in church leadership。 The only reason I didn’t put 5 stars is the format of the text。 To me it reads a little bit “jumpy”， but that is， I think， because there is input in each chapter from different people， therefore different perspectives。 It would have had a better flow if it somehow had an introduction to each writer as to how their input was relevant， despite the fact that that Such informative and relevant content for church members and leaders today。 I’m recommending it to everyone I know in church leadership。 The only reason I didn’t put 5 stars is the format of the text。 To me it reads a little bit “jumpy”， but that is， I think， because there is input in each chapter from different people， therefore different perspectives。 It would have had a better flow if it somehow had an introduction to each writer as to how their input was relevant， despite the fact that that approach would have certainly required more time。 I know they introduced them in the beginning of the book， but in each chapter I found myself flipping to the front thinking “Ok， How is THIS person’s perspective relevant here？” Not that it ISN’T relevant， rather， HOW is it relevant。 Alas， grace abounds here， and overall I think this is a MUST READ for Christians today。 。。。more
Zachary Guthrie
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BasicGood to review this area and is important。 This resource is to more or less point to more exhaustive resources on this subject。
Blake
，
As a whole， I really appreciated this book。 It's a handbook and goes with a training course， which is unfortunate， but I understand the reasoning behind it。 As for content， I thought it carried some very helpful insight into how the church can become better at caring well for the abused person。 As I've said in other arenas， abuse situations are some of the hardest situations to deal with。 So much brokenness and sin， and yes， crime。 The statistics are staggering and handling abuse cases is one th As a whole， I really appreciated this book。 It's a handbook and goes with a training course， which is unfortunate， but I understand the reasoning behind it。 As for content， I thought it carried some very helpful insight into how the church can become better at caring well for the abused person。 As I've said in other arenas， abuse situations are some of the hardest situations to deal with。 So much brokenness and sin， and yes， crime。 The statistics are staggering and handling abuse cases is one that we would do well to give more time and attention to， to become more effective in counseling and caring for the ones being abused and the one doing the abusing。 。。。more
Drake Hyman
，
I rated this book 3/5 stars （"I liked it"） not for content but for formatting。 This book is a great resource for pastors and church leaders seeking how they can best help in complex situations of abuse where outside parties （CPS， police， etc。） are required for protection of the abused and criminal proceedings for the abuser。 Its greatest asset is its ability to walk the reader through the steps involved in an abuse scenario and how they can best fill the （limited） role of a biblical shepherd。 Re I rated this book 3/5 stars （"I liked it"） not for content but for formatting。 This book is a great resource for pastors and church leaders seeking how they can best help in complex situations of abuse where outside parties （CPS， police， etc。） are required for protection of the abused and criminal proceedings for the abuser。 Its greatest asset is its ability to walk the reader through the steps involved in an abuse scenario and how they can best fill the （limited） role of a biblical shepherd。 Reading this book requires humility， especially for pastors who have negative preconceptions of government organizations like CPS or who desired to maintain control and privacy in a situation of abuse。 The authors blow the lid off that misconception and clearly point out that when a legal violation has been committed， Romans 13 shows that we are to consult the legal authorities。 This book is a must-read for those inexperienced with handling abuse situations。My biggest critique of the book is in its formatting， editing and voicing。 First off， there are a large number of grammatical and spelling mistakes throughout。 Second， I'm not sure the question boxes are always helpful。 They ask a question and then point the reader to a video link。 This takes away from the reading experience， and usually leads me to skip the box altogether。 Just summarize what the video says！ Lastly， there is the issue of voicing。 This book is a compilation of 10 authors， all of whom are clearly knowledgeable and experienced with abuse cases。 Yet in each chapter we are given a few paragraphs from each one that is simply introduced by their name without any sort of logical transition。 Each contributor shares a bit of their experience and thoughts and then the next one abruptly jumps in。 This makes the content feel less cohesive and fluid。 I would much rather have seen fewer contributors overall and more experience and thoughts from some of the key individuals， in particular ones like Rachel Denhollander （a survivor of infamous sex offender Larry Nassar） and Brad Hambrick， Counseling Pastor at Summit Church。 I appreciate the effort to bring in an experienced team， but in a book this short and focused， less would have been more。 。。。more
James Fields
，
Domestic Abuse & Oppression cases have been coming to light over the last couple decades at alarming rates。 The only thing more alarming than that is the rate at which the church has covered up these crimes。 They've hidden abusers protecting them from the police。 They've kept abusers in positions power。 We've seen it and we've wept。One of the unfortunate side effects of this behavior has been the neglect the church has shown the women and children suffering from abuse。 We've seen them sent back Domestic Abuse & Oppression cases have been coming to light over the last couple decades at alarming rates。 The only thing more alarming than that is the rate at which the church has covered up these crimes。 They've hidden abusers protecting them from the police。 They've kept abusers in positions power。 We've seen it and we've wept。One of the unfortunate side effects of this behavior has been the neglect the church has shown the women and children suffering from abuse。 We've seen them sent back to their abusers and told they just need to obey and submit and things will get better。 We've seen the abusers comforted for doing the "right thing。"The good news is in recent years there have been people within the evangelical church working to change things。 Last year I reviewed a book by Chris Moles， The Heart of Domestic Abuse， that is designed to help counselors， church leaders， and people helpers understand the problem of domestic abuse。This year， I want to tell you about another great project out there: Church Cares。 J。 D。 Greear， the 62nd President of the Southern Baptist Convention started this project to help uncover and expose the sin of abuse that has been running rampant within the church。 To accomplish this goal， he collected a team of pastors， counselors， survivors， attorneys， prosecutors， psychologists， police officers， social workers， and advocates to help produce material that would help make people aware of the depth and breadth of the problem of abuse。The results of this work as been a book， video series， and conference all provided to help pastors， counselors， church leaders， and friends of victims be able to identify when abuse is happening and begin to think through the proper ways to respond。 I went through their video series at ChurchCares。com and watched part of their conference and it's evident that they're making some good strides at making people aware of the problem of abuse。Their work is not exhaustive。 Reading this book will not make you an expert on the topic， but it will make you more knowledgeable and more prepared to deal with abusive situations when they arise。 If you remember the stats， 1 in 4 marriages has abuse in it， so someone you know is an abuser， and someone you know is a victim。You must learn how to be compassionate and available so that people feel comfortable sharing their hard stories with you。 When they open up to you， thank them for their vulnerability and openness。 Saying negative things to you about one of their most intimate relationships is not easy， and takes a lot of courage。 Encourage them by telling them you're there for them and asking how you can help。 Their confession is not the time to condemn them or their loved one， but rather a time to have a soft and compassionate heart toward them。One of the things I appreciate about this book that The Heart of Domestic Abuse does not have a clear chapter on is how they cover abuse among the pastors。 What do you do when you find out another pastor is abusive？ It seems obvious when you're talking about it that you have to have the plan before it happens， but few churches actually have a plan for what to do when abuse is discovered among the leadership。I highly recommend this book to all people who are in church ministry or who are working along side an abuse situation。 Prepare yourselves now， because statistically abuse is already happening around you。To see more reviews check out my blog: This Sporadic Life 。。。more
Parker McGoldrick
，
If you want to serve， or are serving in ministry in any capacity， this book needs to be on your bookshelf。 It wisely， practically， and graciously goes through the steps and practices essential for a church when dealing with cases of abuse - an issue too often neglected or mishandled in the Church。
Ryan
，
Watched the Ministry Grid Video and followed along in the book。 I felt like the whole thing was well done， and gave me things to think about as someone who oversees aspects of our church's children ministry。I like that they had believers from multiple fields weighing in on this issue from police， pastors， lawyers， and counselors。 It really helps church leaders think through their responsibilities when dealing with abuse。 Watched the Ministry Grid Video and followed along in the book。 I felt like the whole thing was well done， and gave me things to think about as someone who oversees aspects of our church's children ministry。I like that they had believers from multiple fields weighing in on this issue from police， pastors， lawyers， and counselors。 It really helps church leaders think through their responsibilities when dealing with abuse。 。。。more
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