Dirty Laundry: Why adults with ADHD are so ashamed and what we can do to help
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- Create Date：2023-03-02 07:51:34
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Richard Pink
- ISBN：1529915406
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Summary
'Made us giggle and helped us forge a much deeper connection with our friends and family with ADHD。 A godsend ！' - Davina McCall & Michael Douglas
_____________________________________
If you have ADHD - or love somebody who does - DIRTY LAUNDRY will change your life， and your relationships。
Do you feel crippling shame because you struggle with cleaning， personal hygiene， or time-keeping？ Do you always feel misunderstood by the people close to you and find that they get frustrated by your behaviour？
DIRTY LAUNDRY is an unfiltered look into the chaos of real life with ADHD。 It will transform your self-hatred into self-acceptance， with simple tips that actually work for your brain。 It will also help to educate partners， parents and friends， to help them move from frustration to patience， understanding - and love。
Learn how to:
- Stop believing you are fundamentally broken
- Stop judging yourself by the standards of a neurotypical world
- Communicate your struggles to those who love you
- Support someone with ADHD in ways that work for them
- Be compassionate rather than judgemental 。。。and much more。
From the husband-and-wife team behind social media phenomenon @ADHD_Love ， whose viral videos have been viewed more than 200 million times ， comes a fearless， often outrageously funny， account of life， learning， and growing with ADHD。 They share the strategies they have used to reduce shame， improve communication， and find happiness in their neurodivergent household。
Filled with heartbreak and humour in equal measure， DIRTY LAUNDRY is an invaluable resource both for neurodivergents and the people who love them。
_____________________________________
If you have ADHD - or love somebody who does - DIRTY LAUNDRY will change your life， and your relationships。
Do you feel crippling shame because you struggle with cleaning， personal hygiene， or time-keeping？ Do you always feel misunderstood by the people close to you and find that they get frustrated by your behaviour？
DIRTY LAUNDRY is an unfiltered look into the chaos of real life with ADHD。 It will transform your self-hatred into self-acceptance， with simple tips that actually work for your brain。 It will also help to educate partners， parents and friends， to help them move from frustration to patience， understanding - and love。
Learn how to:
- Stop believing you are fundamentally broken
- Stop judging yourself by the standards of a neurotypical world
- Communicate your struggles to those who love you
- Support someone with ADHD in ways that work for them
- Be compassionate rather than judgemental 。。。and much more。
From the husband-and-wife team behind social media phenomenon @ADHD_Love ， whose viral videos have been viewed more than 200 million times ， comes a fearless， often outrageously funny， account of life， learning， and growing with ADHD。 They share the strategies they have used to reduce shame， improve communication， and find happiness in their neurodivergent household。
Filled with heartbreak and humour in equal measure， DIRTY LAUNDRY is an invaluable resource both for neurodivergents and the people who love them。
Reviews
Marty
，
Thank you Rich and Roxi。
Jodi_ice
，
Cawpile: 9。79 5*Many books written by social media stars at the moment are bad， they’re like ‘stick my name on it & give me the money’ bad… I’m so so happy to say that’s *not* the case with this book， as soon as I saw that @adhd_love were doing a book I was cautiously excited。 Their social media has touched many thousands of people with ADHD， and many other ‘NeuroSpicy’ people and made us laugh， cry， and just feel。。well， not alone anymore。 So a lot was riding on this book…And thank Gawd it deli Cawpile: 9。79 5*Many books written by social media stars at the moment are bad， they’re like ‘stick my name on it & give me the money’ bad… I’m so so happy to say that’s *not* the case with this book， as soon as I saw that @adhd_love were doing a book I was cautiously excited。 Their social media has touched many thousands of people with ADHD， and many other ‘NeuroSpicy’ people and made us laugh， cry， and just feel。。well， not alone anymore。 So a lot was riding on this book…And thank Gawd it delivered。 Dirty laundry breaks down the top ten ‘symptoms’ of ADHD， and gives each one a chapter。 In each chapter Roxanne explains the symptom from the ND standpoint and what it’s like in a ND brain， then gives some suggestions to help from her experience and standpoint。 Then Richard explains the same symptom from the point of view of someone loving and living with someone who is ND but who is not ND themselves。 He then gives his own hints and tips from his point。 There are also a couple of small sections including one on the joy felt when realising you’re not a weirdo， and an ADHD dictionary to explain terms for that just kind of happen to ADHD people like Convercoaster， Flieve Minutes or Snaccident… want to know what they are？ Well。。 buy the book 😜 。。。more
SuzannevHaaften
，
Heel interessant om het uit de verschillende perspectieven te lezen。 Heel veel situaties zijn heel herkenbaar en dat voelt fijn。 Andere situaties zijn niet herkenbaar maar die kan je ook overslaan。Het is geen zalvend boek waar wordt gedaan alsof je je adhd kan opzetten in een geweldige superkracht。 Het is heel eerlijk en geeft goede tips om ermee om te gaan。
Warren
，
As a neurotypical living with neurodivergents， this book changes everything。 Well， ok， not everything everything， but。。。the book is the catalyst for further behavior/reaction changes for me to work on。 A very good book to start a lot of conversations with。
Douglas W Moyers
，
a fun informative readThis book opened my eyes to some of the reasons a couple of adhd people in my life behave the way they do。 I will be more open to working around and with their way of thinking。 Thank you。
Samantha Jones
，
I found much of this relatable。 I saw someone else saying it lacked substance and was just their perspective， not supported by research。 I knew that going in。 That's not what I wanted。 I can find the research if I want to。 I needed to hear a human， life lived perspective， and that's what I got。 It's an easy read， finished in a few hours， and I must admit， I shed a few tears and had a few "oh my god， that's an ADHD thing too？" moments。 I found much of this relatable。 I saw someone else saying it lacked substance and was just their perspective， not supported by research。 I knew that going in。 That's not what I wanted。 I can find the research if I want to。 I needed to hear a human， life lived perspective， and that's what I got。 It's an easy read， finished in a few hours， and I must admit， I shed a few tears and had a few "oh my god， that's an ADHD thing too？" moments。 。。。more
Holly
，
While I didn’t relate to a few of the ten things people with ADHD often struggle with， more than half I was 7-8-9/10 on。 I really really appreciated the open supportive communication and perspective that Rox and Rich have for each other and how their sharing brings greater compassion to， and for， neurodivergent people。 At times it was laugh out loud relatable （booking trips… research projects… time magicians…） and other times deeply sad and raw to realize the destructive consequences many （young While I didn’t relate to a few of the ten things people with ADHD often struggle with， more than half I was 7-8-9/10 on。 I really really appreciated the open supportive communication and perspective that Rox and Rich have for each other and how their sharing brings greater compassion to， and for， neurodivergent people。 At times it was laugh out loud relatable （booking trips… research projects… time magicians…） and other times deeply sad and raw to realize the destructive consequences many （young and older） adults turn to in order to cope with the shame of failing。 It made me grateful for the support I have had。 It helped me see other options for supporting the neurodivergent loved ones in my life （including myself 😆）。 It helped me see that along my own neurodivergent discovery journey， I have adapted or discovered strategies （in a good way） to help me be more “successful”。 That being said， we can all give ourselves a little more permission to be our best selves or truer selves （less apologizing， more compassion） even if it doesn’t always “fit” with the status quo。 And of the two likely methods predicted for reading the book （hyperfocus and finish in 2 hours in one sitting or glance at and stick on a shelf for a few years before skimming and donating）， I obviously rode the hyperfocus wave。 😎 。。。more
Sophiebeth
，
Totally enjoyed this unfiltered account of what ADHD life is like。 I enjoyed the perspective of the husband and wife team and how the deal with the challenges。
Ron
，
When I write this review， there's a single two-star review for this book， blaming it for being unscientific and not citing any sources。 This is not that kind of book， and I'm glad of it。 Rox and Rich recount their own experiences with Rox' ADHD， and their ways of coping with it。 The writing is quick， entertaining and humorous and emphasises empathy and understanding。 One point that， to me， didn't feel entirely as strong as the rest of the book was the way Rox' diagnosis is presented as 'THE AWAK When I write this review， there's a single two-star review for this book， blaming it for being unscientific and not citing any sources。 This is not that kind of book， and I'm glad of it。 Rox and Rich recount their own experiences with Rox' ADHD， and their ways of coping with it。 The writing is quick， entertaining and humorous and emphasises empathy and understanding。 One point that， to me， didn't feel entirely as strong as the rest of the book was the way Rox' diagnosis is presented as 'THE AWAKENING'。 While I'm definitely willing to believe it was a life-changing event， especially Rich's narrative tends to go along the lines of 'Before the diagnosis， I thought this meant she didn't value me， how else could I explain this behaviour！ Since the diagnosis I understand that this is not the case and I am now a teddy bear made of understanding and love！' I understand that this is probably exaggerated to make a point （as is my description of it）， but it felt a little over the top。What I do love， is how they're not only telling the story from both sides， but also listing actions and strategies they're both taking and using。 Much of the ADHD tips/tricks/whatever I've read or viewed seems to emphasise how the world should accommodate neurodivergent people。 And while I definitely agree that giving more thought to people that don't fit into the mold is needed， it's very refreshing and validating to read how they both have to put in the work to be a functioning couple。 。。。more
Stacey Walker
，
I think this is a great start on an ADHD diagnosis journey， but not just for the ADHDer， but also partners and family who perhaps need to understand what is going on in their loved one’s head and how to better understand and respond。 It’s a conversational and light style of writing， which one can expect from an ADHD info dump， something that might not be understood by a neurotypical brain。 So that may be frustrating for some readers。 The book also isn’t intended to be a scientific reference book I think this is a great start on an ADHD diagnosis journey， but not just for the ADHDer， but also partners and family who perhaps need to understand what is going on in their loved one’s head and how to better understand and respond。 It’s a conversational and light style of writing， which one can expect from an ADHD info dump， something that might not be understood by a neurotypical brain。 So that may be frustrating for some readers。 The book also isn’t intended to be a scientific reference book， it’s a record of lived experience and advice based solely on that。 Expecting science from this is going to be a disappointment。 All in all， for people who run a TikTok and are not professional authors， this is a triumphant first go。 。。。more
ciara Mooney
，
A game changer of a book！Amazing honest and so refreshing to see not just one but two honest opinions about the reality or living with ADHD， as-well as being a partner of someone who is ADHD。 Reading this book makes you want to cry happy tears as out loud you are saying “me too！” “Oh its not just me”。 I live the section about the posative of being ADHD and being compassionate with yourself。 This is a skill that many of us have to actively work on with support。 If you are ADHD you need to read th A game changer of a book！Amazing honest and so refreshing to see not just one but two honest opinions about the reality or living with ADHD， as-well as being a partner of someone who is ADHD。 Reading this book makes you want to cry happy tears as out loud you are saying “me too！” “Oh its not just me”。 I live the section about the posative of being ADHD and being compassionate with yourself。 This is a skill that many of us have to actively work on with support。 If you are ADHD you need to read this！ 。。。more
Katie Allen
，
This is a short book written from the perspective of a couple in which one has ADHD， and they focus on what it was like before and after the diagnosis and give advice without any references， which I really dislike when you have tips/suggestion sections but nothing but personal experience to back it up。 I don't discount their advice flat out at all， but given the amount of information and research out there now on this， I'm disappointed nothing is included。It's also written almost as if transcrib This is a short book written from the perspective of a couple in which one has ADHD， and they focus on what it was like before and after the diagnosis and give advice without any references， which I really dislike when you have tips/suggestion sections but nothing but personal experience to back it up。 I don't discount their advice flat out at all， but given the amount of information and research out there now on this， I'm disappointed nothing is included。It's also written almost as if transcribed from a conversation and lacks maturity and substance。 I'm grateful for those willing to be vulnerable in sharing their stories but at the same time do not recommend this book to someone in the beginning stages of understanding their ADHD diagnosis given all the options out there that include a more balanced approach with anecdotes and science。 。。。more
Aurora
，
If You Know One Person With ADHD…This book is hyper-specific， written by a couple where one of them is neurotypical and the other neurodivergent。 So it’s not a universal look into the struggles of ADHD。 But I expect everyone with ADHD will in some way identify with what’s in this book， even if it’s to say， “I don’t struggle with this， for I have a System to prevent it。” The common theme running through the book—that acceptance and compassion are key to responding to these struggles—is applicable If You Know One Person With ADHD…This book is hyper-specific， written by a couple where one of them is neurotypical and the other neurodivergent。 So it’s not a universal look into the struggles of ADHD。 But I expect everyone with ADHD will in some way identify with what’s in this book， even if it’s to say， “I don’t struggle with this， for I have a System to prevent it。” The common theme running through the book—that acceptance and compassion are key to responding to these struggles—is applicable to so many situations。 It’s a quick read， and I recommend it: for those with ADHD， to feel less alone; for those who love someone with ADHD， for a little peek inside their brain。 。。。more
Kelli
，
This was a great， quick read。 It's wonderfully affirming， informative， and destigmatizing。 I loved their examples that exuded love， acceptance， and vulnerability。 This book is a must for anyone who either has ADHD or who loves someone with it。 This was a great， quick read。 It's wonderfully affirming， informative， and destigmatizing。 I loved their examples that exuded love， acceptance， and vulnerability。 This book is a must for anyone who either has ADHD or who loves someone with it。 。。。more
Grant Dominguez
，
Review from someone with ADHD: Heartfelt， emotional， insightful。。。 but sloppy。
Whitnie
，
This is not the clinical answer to what is ADHD and how to deal written by people who have studied the brain and human psychology for 50 years but never actually experienced ADHD hands on。 This is written by real people。 Don’t get me wrong， the first type of books are also fantastic and super helpful， hell I own a few of those myself and am a big proponent of therapy。 But this book is so personal and real that it really changed my views in a lot of ways。 I live in a home full of ADHD。 My husband This is not the clinical answer to what is ADHD and how to deal written by people who have studied the brain and human psychology for 50 years but never actually experienced ADHD hands on。 This is written by real people。 Don’t get me wrong， the first type of books are also fantastic and super helpful， hell I own a few of those myself and am a big proponent of therapy。 But this book is so personal and real that it really changed my views in a lot of ways。 I live in a home full of ADHD。 My husband was diagnosed as a kid and just given meds to calm down without the skills or therapy to actually learn to live with it。 Our son has struggled for years with school and low self esteem before we realized （and accepted） that he has it。 And I have only recently been diagnosed at the age of 36。 So many parts of this book hit home on both Rox’s side of living with it， and Rich’s side of loving someone with it。 I was in tears for parts and then in tears after just thinking about it。 While I just finished reading this on my own， it’s a book we plan to read as a family to understand ourselves and each other better。 I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about themselves or those they love with ADHD。 Fantastic， quick read。 So glad to have found it。 。。。more
Carol Hellier
，
As someone who has an ADHDer at home， this was a great book to get a better understanding of them。
IvyLaLierre
，
A quick， easy read but very sweet with an overarching theme of compassion and self-love。 It’s visually formatted in a way that feels easier to read as a neurodivergent， with shorter paragraphs and chapters， plenty of spacing， and lots of titles/cues to transition easily。 I didn’t find a ton of new ideas or information， but admittedly I’ve done a fair share of hyperfocused research on many aspects of ADHD since my diagnosis 😅 It would be a great introduction for people who are more unfamiliar wit A quick， easy read but very sweet with an overarching theme of compassion and self-love。 It’s visually formatted in a way that feels easier to read as a neurodivergent， with shorter paragraphs and chapters， plenty of spacing， and lots of titles/cues to transition easily。 I didn’t find a ton of new ideas or information， but admittedly I’ve done a fair share of hyperfocused research on many aspects of ADHD since my diagnosis 😅 It would be a great introduction for people who are more unfamiliar with the reality of living with ADHD or who are just really struggling with acceptance of how ADHD brains work。 。。。more
Emily Simon
，
So incredibly grateful for the perspective I've gained from this book。 Well written and a very quick read！ So incredibly grateful for the perspective I've gained from this book。 Well written and a very quick read！ 。。。more
Theodora
，
Spending two hours hyperfocus-ly reading a book talking （among others） about hyperfocus。 How appropriate。But truly， a lovely little read for anyone struggling with ADHD in some area of their life， as well as for those with ADHDers as their loved ones。
Read， Relax， Review
，
This was an absolutely awesome book。 I learnt so much about myself and my family as a whole。 I did find that it triggered me a little by the end of the book specifically ‘everything must be perfect’ thought。 This did take a little while to shake but I managed to do so。 I really could understand and resonate with so much of what is contained in this book。 I think everyone should read this。 The book cover has an interesting texture which is supposed to appeal to sensory sensitive ADHDers。 However， This was an absolutely awesome book。 I learnt so much about myself and my family as a whole。 I did find that it triggered me a little by the end of the book specifically ‘everything must be perfect’ thought。 This did take a little while to shake but I managed to do so。 I really could understand and resonate with so much of what is contained in this book。 I think everyone should read this。 The book cover has an interesting texture which is supposed to appeal to sensory sensitive ADHDers。 However， I found the texture/feel of it irritating。 I did/do love the look of the cover though。 。。。more
Debbie Hiscock
，
What a fantastic book。 As an ADHDer， I find it hard to finish a book， I currently have 16 on the go。 This book really grabbed my attention due to the way it was laid out。 I particularly liked the way in which it was written from the person with ADHD， and then the Neurotypical partner's view point。 Being newly diagnosed with ADHD， I could relate to it so much。 A must read for all ADHDers and their Neurotypical partners/friends What a fantastic book。 As an ADHDer， I find it hard to finish a book， I currently have 16 on the go。 This book really grabbed my attention due to the way it was laid out。 I particularly liked the way in which it was written from the person with ADHD， and then the Neurotypical partner's view point。 Being newly diagnosed with ADHD， I could relate to it so much。 A must read for all ADHDers and their Neurotypical partners/friends 。。。more
Angie
，
Short and helpful。
H。r。h Brooking
，
A very relatable readSmashed through this book - hyperfocused even - in a day。 Very easy to read， very real。 Wild that having undiagnosed ADHD can have such vast consequences。 Sometimes I felt a little bit like well my experiences aren't this extreme so maybe I don't have ADHD， but the thread of the stories and the impulse of the thoughts rings true for me。 I do wonder how Rox's story would've gone without meeting Rich - there seems to be a hefty amount of dependence/white knight aspect there， b A very relatable readSmashed through this book - hyperfocused even - in a day。 Very easy to read， very real。 Wild that having undiagnosed ADHD can have such vast consequences。 Sometimes I felt a little bit like well my experiences aren't this extreme so maybe I don't have ADHD， but the thread of the stories and the impulse of the thoughts rings true for me。 I do wonder how Rox's story would've gone without meeting Rich - there seems to be a hefty amount of dependence/white knight aspect there， but glad you are rocking it。 I love the empathy， acceptance and compassion you show to each other， and especially the ADHD dictionary lol lol lol 。。。more
Alicia Malcomb
，
This is definitely a great book that shines a light on a lot of major struggles on life in a relationship between a neurotypical and someone with ADHD。 Thank you for sharing your journey and being open and honest about the hangups and struggles people face。 My husband and I are both on the spectrum and I grew up with a brother and mother both with ADHD。 （Mom has been undiagnosed until recently）。 These are definitely struggles I know and help me gain perspective on how I can help my ADHD friends This is definitely a great book that shines a light on a lot of major struggles on life in a relationship between a neurotypical and someone with ADHD。 Thank you for sharing your journey and being open and honest about the hangups and struggles people face。 My husband and I are both on the spectrum and I grew up with a brother and mother both with ADHD。 （Mom has been undiagnosed until recently）。 These are definitely struggles I know and help me gain perspective on how I can help my ADHD friends and family。 。。。more
katy matthews
，
Powerful， relatable and couldn’t put it down。Amazing read… Gives hope to so many and makes you feel less alone in the struggle。 I read this book in a day I couldn’t put it down。 A must read！！
Elena
，
I can recommend this book to anyone with ADHD or who has a partner with ADHD！ It is honest and practical。 Just perfect！
Catalina Vieru
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I've been following their social media for ages and always found it so funny and heart warming！ So just bought the book to see if it is the same 😂 It is。 Rich and Rox manage to address 10 adhd symptoms in the book， first from her perspective， shared with vulnerability and including tips for people with adhd on shaking off the shame， then from Rich's perspective， as the supportive NT partner。 It is lovely to see how much care， love and 'i see you' is in this book。 If I'd have one criticism （and I I've been following their social media for ages and always found it so funny and heart warming！ So just bought the book to see if it is the same 😂 It is。 Rich and Rox manage to address 10 adhd symptoms in the book， first from her perspective， shared with vulnerability and including tips for people with adhd on shaking off the shame， then from Rich's perspective， as the supportive NT partner。 It is lovely to see how much care， love and 'i see you' is in this book。 If I'd have one criticism （and I do） is that the book （and the social media） are from the perspective of helping the ND partner function in society and how much the NT partner is doing， how aware they are， how patient， loving and understanding。 And although that is cool to see， would have loved to see more vulnerability on Rich's side and maybe more ways in which being in this relationship improved HIS life and what Rox is teaching him。 The way is depicted now comes across as a bit unilateral。 There is ONE chapter in the book where Rich says being with Rox taught him to sometimes enjoy spending money and indulge in little things。 Other that that， it's heart warming， read it。 。。。more
Ellie
，
an utter revelation， nailed it folks
Amanda
，
Must read if not yet diagnosed - insightful and honest - love these two :）Must read if not yet diagnosed - insightful and honest - love these two :）Their videos and this book has made me want to seek a diagnosis myself。 Thanks so much for raising awareness。
Tag
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dirty laundry why adults with adhd are so ashamed and what we can do to help