Parenting

Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet): (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet) - uitgebreide editie

Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet): (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet) - uitgebreide editie

  • Downloads：6486
  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2022-11-21 07:53:20
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Philippa Perry
  • ISBN：9463821686
  • Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary

This book is about how we have relationships with our children， what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it


The most influential relationships are between parents and children。 Yet for so many families， these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track。

In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read （and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did）， renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health， in childhood and beyond。

She'll help you to:
- Understand how your own upbringing may be impacting upon your parenting style
- Contain， express， accept and validate your own and your child's feelings
- Understand that all behaviour is communication
- Break negative cycles and patterns
- Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about them

Almost every parent loves their children， but by following the refreshing， sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too。

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Reviews

Maryam ，

A beautiful book that helps understand children’s behaviour but also lifts the fear of becoming a parent for me。The most important things I learned: - We must respect children’s feelings and thoughts - feelings especially when they are young and can’t yet sort their feelings。- we must understand our own feelings first before making the child responsible for our feeling- when children can not get what they want （attention being an example）， parents should try to voice what the child seems to feel A beautiful book that helps understand children’s behaviour but also lifts the fear of becoming a parent for me。The most important things I learned: - We must respect children’s feelings and thoughts - feelings especially when they are young and can’t yet sort their feelings。- we must understand our own feelings first before making the child responsible for our feeling- when children can not get what they want （attention being an example）， parents should try to voice what the child seems to feel in order to help it in feeling seen and heard。- the examples in this book are very helpful！Things I did not like:- The focus on how feelings are reality。。 yes they are important， especially for the one feeling。 But adults， and later children， do have a certain objectivity and facts do exist。- In the end， about dealing with setting boundaries with older children; I don’t know how well it will work， to define oneself when forbidding a child to do something。 Ie， telling the child that one does not feel comfortable with the child taking the train alone at night instead of saying that it’s dangerous to do so。 I see how this does not give the child the feeling of being dictated things， but some things are indeed dangerous， independent of the parents feeling。 But this is the only thing that is so new to me that I could not quite grasp it’s usefulness in raising children。 Maybe I will， once I have my own:） 。。。more

Emily ，

Fantastic book。 Really informative but easy to read & understand。 Occasionally uncomfortable in a good way that leads to more learning。 Will be recommending to lots of people & rereading。 Don't need to have children for it to be this good。 Fantastic book。 Really informative but easy to read & understand。 Occasionally uncomfortable in a good way that leads to more learning。 Will be recommending to lots of people & rereading。 Don't need to have children for it to be this good。 。。。more

levin sue ，

Not just for my future kids， also for myself

Mert ，

Recommend reading this if you try to understand a bit more what people with children might be worrying about and dealing with

Marina ，

** Books 113 - 2022 **3，6 of 5 stars！ I should have read this books sooner！ this books is really an eye-opener for me who still single and thinking how about i raise my kids later。。 one of parts that i love this books is how we want to be more attached and understanding our children more。 it is only not our child as baby but until they growing up as adults one。 one of interesting parenting books！ Being parents is an difficult duty :O

Amanda Linusson ，

Så klok och fin！ Ett måste för ALLA som har eller väntar barn。

Laura E。 ，

I got this book from the library waiting list when my daughter was a few weeks old。 What a perfect timing: this huge life change and completely surrendering to my baby's needs left me so overwhelmed。 The imagery exercises in the book were really helpful for me to accept the situation。However， over the course of weeks， I was also able to critically analyze what I had read。 The book seems to be very much idolized in the school of gentle parenting， but I would advice people to read it with a grain I got this book from the library waiting list when my daughter was a few weeks old。 What a perfect timing: this huge life change and completely surrendering to my baby's needs left me so overwhelmed。 The imagery exercises in the book were really helpful for me to accept the situation。However， over the course of weeks， I was also able to critically analyze what I had read。 The book seems to be very much idolized in the school of gentle parenting， but I would advice people to read it with a grain of salt。 It's ironic how in the beginning of the book the author constantly repeats how her purpose is not to be judgmental， yet the book is insanely judgmental， especially towards the end。 For example， views on sleep training are not only judgmental but also based on outdated information - and I say this as a mother who has not sleep trained her child。The book is at its best when dealing with it one's own childhood， relationships， and the newborns stage。 Even so， at the end of the book， the main thing left in my mind is the fear that if the mother prioritizes herself， her career or even the relationship with the father for even a moment， the child will jump out of the window。 。。。more

Elle ，

Gentle and packed with kindness， Perry has provided an encouraging guide to relating to your child and opening/maintaining strong lines of communication in all relationships。 Truly reflectiveContent Warnings: mentions of pregnancy loss， child death， bereavement and fertility struggles

Stevie Louise ，

Every parent should read this book and also anyone that works with children of any age ！

Nadia ，

BEST PARENTING BOOK

Gretchen Tomsic ，

A must read。 Wonderful advice。

Sabreen Elmajbre ，

ممل

Esther Encarnación Tavárez ，

Es el primer libro de autoayuda que leo y está demás decir que ME ENCANTÓ sin lugar a duda mi mami debe leer esto。🤍✨

Alan Tsuei ，

只能說父母這份工作真的是需要一輩子的時間與精力來經營，難怪有人說當了父母才開始學如何當父母，和當老師一樣，當了老師才會更加精進自己的專業，有機會面對自己的不足，才是觸發學習動機的最好管道1．小心不要被自己過往不好的經歷而影響了下一代的教養2．要修復與孩子的關係前，就要先修復自己過去的問題3．自我要求是一件好事，而太過就可能成為苛求，苛求自己常常也會苛求孩子，這可能會限制孩子的發展，尤其是自信心4．身為父母更要能勇於認錯，當完美父母或聖人可能不如想像中的重要5．與其用“好”、“壞”來稱讚，不如更具體一點，更細節一點6．家庭的組成關係不大，不論單親或同性或離婚都不如良好的家庭關係7．如果雙方離婚，仍要僅量做到雙方相互尊重，而不讓小孩陷入兩難的局面8．孩子也會有困擾的時候，也會有難過的時候，父母的陪伴是至關重要的事9．爭執時可以先不論是非，而是用體諒的角度出發，會比較能緩和衝突10．對待小孩要多包容多關懷，而不是先指責，畢竟教育才是目的11．在感性多於理性的小孩子來說，確認他們的感受是重中之重的，畢竟語言之外還有許多的溝通方式12．面對孩子的問題，而非用轉移焦點的方式13．如果想要孩子學會成 只能說父母這份工作真的是需要一輩子的時間與精力來經營，難怪有人說當了父母才開始學如何當父母，和當老師一樣，當了老師才會更加精進自己的專業，有機會面對自己的不足，才是觸發學習動機的最好管道1．小心不要被自己過往不好的經歷而影響了下一代的教養2．要修復與孩子的關係前，就要先修復自己過去的問題3．自我要求是一件好事，而太過就可能成為苛求，苛求自己常常也會苛求孩子，這可能會限制孩子的發展，尤其是自信心4．身為父母更要能勇於認錯，當完美父母或聖人可能不如想像中的重要5．與其用“好”、“壞”來稱讚，不如更具體一點，更細節一點6．家庭的組成關係不大，不論單親或同性或離婚都不如良好的家庭關係7．如果雙方離婚，仍要僅量做到雙方相互尊重，而不讓小孩陷入兩難的局面8．孩子也會有困擾的時候，也會有難過的時候，父母的陪伴是至關重要的事9．爭執時可以先不論是非，而是用體諒的角度出發，會比較能緩和衝突10．對待小孩要多包容多關懷，而不是先指責，畢竟教育才是目的11．在感性多於理性的小孩子來說，確認他們的感受是重中之重的，畢竟語言之外還有許多的溝通方式12．面對孩子的問題，而非用轉移焦點的方式13．如果想要孩子學會成熟，父母就要試著把孩子當一個成年人來對待14．巧克力再次被證明會對體內的嬰兒有正面的效用15．不要害怕溝通16．小嬰兒的哭鬧通常已經是交流最後一個手段了，所以要能觀察他們之前所發出的訊息17．家長的生活習慣會潛移默化小孩18．家長的管教也會讓孩子模仿去管教別人19．教育的方法是多變的，一成不變可能不是太恰當的方式20．抗挫折、靈活應變、解決問題、同理心21．小孩的情緖或哭鬧有時是不懂得如何表達下的產物，父母可以藉此教育如何用語言來溝通22．管教不完全是把父母的意志強加在小孩身上，而更應該是陪伴孩子並幫他成長23．有時太過強制或懲處的管理會導致更多的謊言與造假24．一旦設定界限或底限，就要落實遵守，但口氣要堅定平和25．要求孩子很容易，但成效可能不彰，不如坦承自己的需求會來的更好一些 。。。more

Noor ，

كتاب قيم بالمعنى الحرفي للكلمة。。دقيق ومفصل بشكل يثير الإعجاب حقا。علاقتي بابني تغيرت جذريا بعده。。ومنذ الصفحات الأولى لامستني كلماته。كتاب تمنيت أن يصل لكل اب وام。。فهو بالفعل يحدث نقلة تاريخية في رحلتهم التربوية

Su ，

Very interesting and useful。 Wish I had read it 35 years ago。

Charlie ，

Can't recommend it enough。 I have both the audio book and the paper back。 A keeper for a lifetime of re reading。 Can't recommend it enough。 I have both the audio book and the paper back。 A keeper for a lifetime of re reading。 。。。more

Aimee Johnston ，

Took me a while to go through because of the seriousness of the content but well worth the read as a parent and as a child

Tereza Jančová ，

I wish I have remembered all of the ideas that were suggested by the author。 I have gained so much practical insight into child emotional development and upbringing， more than I did throughout my degree。 Coming from an authoritarian， Eastern European background， I have been taught to live by different rules。 Many of them as depicted in the book。 This book gave me a totally new approach， not the parent-cantered that I had known so well， but the child-centred。 Don’t take me wrong， it does not mean I wish I have remembered all of the ideas that were suggested by the author。 I have gained so much practical insight into child emotional development and upbringing， more than I did throughout my degree。 Coming from an authoritarian， Eastern European background， I have been taught to live by different rules。 Many of them as depicted in the book。 This book gave me a totally new approach， not the parent-cantered that I had known so well， but the child-centred。 Don’t take me wrong， it does not mean that the children do what they want。 It is rather about: seeing a problem from the view of the child， to understand the aim and rationale behind the behavioural manifestation of the best solution that the child could think of for the given situation。 The reoccurring theme in many of the example in the books was the need for attention， the need for approval， the need for recognition， the need for appreciation， the need for empathy。 It is not wrong to be demanding attention， we all need it from time to time。 The book is suggesting that the earlier emotional input （parental for the child）， the better， quicker， mature results。 Sometimes the solution requires a 10 second focus to a child and right words， but by sending the child away， telling them off the problem becomes a whole day issue。 Acknowledging of how the child is feeling and helping them to voice their emotions is a step towards success。 If you want your child to tell you whatever they feel， don’t judge， don’t comments。 Accept， contain and bear the emotion for the child and let the emotion go。 Applies to toddler as well as a teenager。 Don’t tell the child what they should do。 Tell them how their acting and behaviour makes you feel， so they can correct it。 Don’t tell them how bad they are for doing it。 Define yourself。 They possess a large capacity for empathy and they want to see that you are human too。 Another thing is: we all make mistakes， but repairing a rupture is something that makes the relationship thrive。 Acknowledge and apologise。 It does make a huge difference。 。。。more

Lynn ，

For context， the author seems to assume parents didn’t somehow choose to have children， and generally don’t like their kids。 That’s never explained why but in general she assumes you’re likely thinking your kids are a nuisance and the little ones do things with a lot of intent （when the reality is their small humans with under developed brains。）She makes some valid points about emotionally aware parenting but this is one woman’s opinion on parenting。 If you’re looking for a more data driven read For context， the author seems to assume parents didn’t somehow choose to have children， and generally don’t like their kids。 That’s never explained why but in general she assumes you’re likely thinking your kids are a nuisance and the little ones do things with a lot of intent （when the reality is their small humans with under developed brains。）She makes some valid points about emotionally aware parenting but this is one woman’s opinion on parenting。 If you’re looking for a more data driven read I suggest Emily oster。 I wouldn’t buy or recommend to a friend （was given this as a gift）。 。。。more

Cailin Deery ，

This is a book to come back to again and again， and different ages and stages。 I’m glad I read it now， as I start to settle into natural and deliberate parenting decisions and approaches， and think about the significant impact that these patterns and responses make to my relationship， communication， and ultimately attachment to my child and my parents。 The book is framed to help you understand your own upbringing， how that might influence your relationship with your parents， and how it’s likely This is a book to come back to again and again， and different ages and stages。 I’m glad I read it now， as I start to settle into natural and deliberate parenting decisions and approaches， and think about the significant impact that these patterns and responses make to my relationship， communication， and ultimately attachment to my child and my parents。 The book is framed to help you understand your own upbringing， how that might influence your relationship with your parents， and how it’s likely to influence your own parenting style。 The chapters explore ways that you can respond to your child in a way that validates their feelings， helps them express themselves， and ultimately work towards an open， empathetic， constructive relationship that sets your child up for good mental health and independence （and a positive， lifelong relationship with you）。 。。。more

Sum ，

Found this book super interesting especially as I’m not a parent yet but interact with nieces who I now recognise as reaching out even with aspects of their lives I found hard to engage in， eg their little world in roblox。 It just makes me remember that instead of anger （when a child is acting out or doing something you believe to be less than ideal， eg on the tablet instead of reading a book）， empathy is always better and showing an interest in what they’re doing would mean the world to them。 L Found this book super interesting especially as I’m not a parent yet but interact with nieces who I now recognise as reaching out even with aspects of their lives I found hard to engage in， eg their little world in roblox。 It just makes me remember that instead of anger （when a child is acting out or doing something you believe to be less than ideal， eg on the tablet instead of reading a book）， empathy is always better and showing an interest in what they’re doing would mean the world to them。 Loads of really interesting nuggets of wisdom in here to keep in mind as a parent or aunt or someone interacting with a child！ 。。。more

Diāna Bērziņa ，

Man gāja grūti ar šo grāmatu。 Ilgi domāju， cik zvaigznes tai dot。 Un sapratu， ka nezinu。 Pati par sevi grāmata nav slikta， tajā ir daudz derīgi padomi un uzdevumi。 Vienlaikus man pašai personīgi tā nācās grūti。 Ņēmu grāmatu bibliotēkā un skaidrs ir viens - lai šī grāmata nestu augļus， tai ir jābūt mājās， tā ir jālasa pakāpeniski， jāpārlasa， pakāpeniski jāpilda dotie uzdevumi un varbūt tad radīsies sajūta， ka grāmata ir sasniegusi tās mērķi。

Virginie De ，

Great book about parenting！ Well written， with good examples， and both for little ones as for teenagers。 My top 2 lessons were: 1/ if you are overreacting about something your kid did， chances are that it triggered an old wound of yours and you need to look at yourself first。 2/ in communicating with your child， define yourself and your feelings， not your child's。I really recommend this book。 Great book about parenting！ Well written， with good examples， and both for little ones as for teenagers。 My top 2 lessons were: 1/ if you are overreacting about something your kid did， chances are that it triggered an old wound of yours and you need to look at yourself first。 2/ in communicating with your child， define yourself and your feelings， not your child's。I really recommend this book。 。。。more

Aizat Affendi ，

This was such a refreshing read。 I grew up hating my parents mainly because I had expected them to be perfect beings。。。 but they both are really just imperfectly， humans。 The author validates my childhood trauma and the hurt I have been feeling， which has so many times been dismissed as me being a "drama queen"。 My parents to a certain degree， still think that being depressed is a choice。 That said， I have also learnt to be more objective when I look back at how I was raised and why my parents h This was such a refreshing read。 I grew up hating my parents mainly because I had expected them to be perfect beings。。。 but they both are really just imperfectly， humans。 The author validates my childhood trauma and the hurt I have been feeling， which has so many times been dismissed as me being a "drama queen"。 My parents to a certain degree， still think that being depressed is a choice。 That said， I have also learnt to be more objective when I look back at how I was raised and why my parents had acted the way they did。 Overall， a really solid book and do I wish my parents had read this？ A resounding YES！ 。。。more

Helena ，

I guess I feel quite good about my parenting after reading this。 First of all， a lot of the basic ideas in this book are ones that I already （at least try to） implement。 Secondly， I am clearly trying to be a better parent by reading about parenting。 And thirdly， this book did make me a bit uncomfortable - which means that there are aspects of my parenting that may not be the best for my child and I now know that I should work on these aspects。 I thought this was well written and there were good I guess I feel quite good about my parenting after reading this。 First of all， a lot of the basic ideas in this book are ones that I already （at least try to） implement。 Secondly， I am clearly trying to be a better parent by reading about parenting。 And thirdly， this book did make me a bit uncomfortable - which means that there are aspects of my parenting that may not be the best for my child and I now know that I should work on these aspects。 I thought this was well written and there were good examples and the writing style was simple and engaging enough that this was a nice read。 There were a couple of parts that I felt were a bit judgemental， but maybe that was just my discomfort going into defence mode and reading a bit too much into the tone。 But overall， would recommend to many parents！ 。。。more

Chr ，

Sollte jeder Mensch mal lesen， egal ob man Kinder hat oder noch nicht， gar keine möchte oder was anderes。 Man versteht so viel über Menschen， wirklich große Empfehlung

Lisa Shuttleworth ，

Wish I had this when I was bringing up my kids but still interesting for continuing to be a parent and a child

India ，

Excellent。 This book struck the exact right note for me: clever and sensible， at the same time as being relationship-based and grounded in attachment parenting。 I'm stunned it has such a high rating， because Perry doesn't go in for the soothing platitudes that seem so prevalent in modern parenting discourse: no one gets to judge your parenting， just make whatever choice feels right to you， and so long as you're not flat-out abusing or neglecting your kids， it won't make any difference。 Perry dar Excellent。 This book struck the exact right note for me: clever and sensible， at the same time as being relationship-based and grounded in attachment parenting。 I'm stunned it has such a high rating， because Perry doesn't go in for the soothing platitudes that seem so prevalent in modern parenting discourse: no one gets to judge your parenting， just make whatever choice feels right to you， and so long as you're not flat-out abusing or neglecting your kids， it won't make any difference。 Perry dares to say， unapologetically， that actually you can cause real damage to your kids in the way you relate to them， even if it isn't abusive， and if this has happened， you must try to repair the damage。 Some things that stood out to me:-Notice the things about parenting that really grind your gears， and think about whether they relate back to things you experienced as a child （and may still experience in your adult relationships）。 For me， this is definitely true， and it's to do with the sense that I need to desperately safeguard my identity/self because it's at risk of being subsumed by another person who wants/needs me。-Notice "bids for connection" and respond to them as much as possible。 This is so reassuring on those days when you don't feel you've done much of anything， other than be cranky with your child and let your home slip into an even deeper state of disrepair; in fact， if you've responded to most of your child's bids for connection， you've done valiant work in helping them establish the secure attachment they need。-When it comes to setting boundaries， define yourself， not your child， e。g。 "I don't feel comfortable letting you watch more TV today" or "I'm not ready to let you cross the road by yourself" rather than "You've had enough TV" or "You're not old enough to do that"。And she had some beautiful ways of articulating the philosophies I hold dear。 For example， on sleep （but applies more broadly to separation/attachment）:What we need to remember is that children separate from their parents naturally。 When they know you're there and available， then they feel free to separate because they can take it for granted that you'll be there when they want to reconnect。 We do not encourage their independence by pulling away from them; by doing that we are interfering with the separation process and protracting it， as well as interfering with the process of our children forming a secure attachment style。 And on acknowledging and accepting our children's emotions:A child will learn to contain their feelings by having them contained for them by someone else， someone who understands， who can stay calm， who doesn't shame them for feeling and acting like this， and for whom their feelings can never be too much or too big。 Of course， that someone is you。 。。。more

Nada ，

كتابٌ عظيم، اسلوبه بسيط و مفهوم يناسب الجميع، انصح به جميع الآباء و الأمهات، يُغني عن قراءة غيره من كُتب التربية، لم أجدّ ان عنوان الكتاب مبالغ به كما خمّنت。。"إذ إنّ الامومةَ أو الابوّة تعني أن تكونَ أُماً /أباً لاطفالك، ثم تصبحون راشدين جميعاً ، وأخيرا ربّما تصيرون اولاداً لهم。。 فإن كُنا مَرنين ومُتساهلين مع هذه الادوار فإن من شأن ذلك ان يسهّل الامور على الجميع" كتابٌ عظيم، اسلوبه بسيط و مفهوم يناسب الجميع، انصح به جميع الآباء و الأمهات، يُغني عن قراءة غيره من كُتب التربية، لم أجدّ ان عنوان الكتاب مبالغ به كما خمّنت。。"إذ إنّ الامومةَ أو الابوّة تعني أن تكونَ أُماً /أباً لاطفالك، ثم تصبحون راشدين جميعاً ، وأخيرا ربّما تصيرون اولاداً لهم。。 فإن كُنا مَرنين ومُتساهلين مع هذه الادوار فإن من شأن ذلك ان يسهّل الامور على الجميع" 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet): (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet) - uitgebreide editie

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet): (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet) - uitgebreide editie&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet): (en je kinderen blij zijn dat jij het doet) - uitgebreide editie&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0