How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
- Downloads：5561
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-11-09 10:53:11
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：David Richo
- ISBN：1611809541
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
"Most people think of love as a feeling，" says David Richo， "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present。" In this book， Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate， but on becoming a more loving and realistic person。 Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness， How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: Attention to the present moment; observing， listening， and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships。 Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are。 Appreciation of all our gifts， our limits， our longings， and our poignant human predicament。 Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways。 Allowing life and love to be just as they are， with all their ecstasy and ache， without trying to take control。 When deeply understood and applied， these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love。 They help us to move away from judgment， fear， and blame to a position of openness， compassion， and realism about life and relationships。 By giving and receiving these five A's， relationships become deeper and more meaningful， and they become a ground for personal transformation。
Reviews
Sidni
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Really liked this！ Felt like concepts were really good and can use later in life
Violet
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cried
Lisa Fetterman
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I think this book had a lot of good insights but it is also one of those books that has its own inner mythology and lore。 "These five things" is "this acronym" you feel me？ Kinda like how Lord of The Rings and other epic books have a map and guide to what's going on。 You gotta fully immerse yourself in David Richo's world。 It's fun and much more tactical than a fantasy book--- but it has that vibe。 Here's my system， you do it。 I think this book had a lot of good insights but it is also one of those books that has its own inner mythology and lore。 "These five things" is "this acronym" you feel me？ Kinda like how Lord of The Rings and other epic books have a map and guide to what's going on。 You gotta fully immerse yourself in David Richo's world。 It's fun and much more tactical than a fantasy book--- but it has that vibe。 Here's my system， you do it。 。。。more
Mariah
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What a pile of bullshit。
Yinka
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What a book！This has to be a leader of books of its kind。 All I can say is “thank you” for this gem in exercising love 🙏🏾
Lawrence Lewis
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Highly recommend。 Book took two weeks to finish， because I had to stop to absorb concepts and make notes in the audiobook。
Sean Ryan
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Parts 'touchy-feely California' yet does have some more hard-hitting elements such as the idea that some folks are just not cut out for long term intimate relationships。Not all bad， and indeed the more painful parts that highlighted my own shortcomings may prove the most valuable。。。 Parts 'touchy-feely California' yet does have some more hard-hitting elements such as the idea that some folks are just not cut out for long term intimate relationships。Not all bad， and indeed the more painful parts that highlighted my own shortcomings may prove the most valuable。。。 。。。more
Nate Nickel
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4。2 stars - would highly recommend to anyone who is looking to level up their relationship with themself， their significant other （especially）， and/or anyone in their lives！
Jack Reid
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Honestly， a well-researched and fantastic book for certain people。 Who aren't me。 I picked this up at my local bookstore when I was having trouble on deep issues with my wife。 Life long issues like "where do we live" and "how involved are our parents in our lives？" I loved learning about the 5As -1。 Attention2。 Acceptance3。 Appreciation4。 Affection5。 Allowing- and reading about our path forward in life。 First， we receive some of the As from our parents。 We might seek out and find some from frien Honestly， a well-researched and fantastic book for certain people。 Who aren't me。 I picked this up at my local bookstore when I was having trouble on deep issues with my wife。 Life long issues like "where do we live" and "how involved are our parents in our lives？" I loved learning about the 5As -1。 Attention2。 Acceptance3。 Appreciation4。 Affection5。 Allowing- and reading about our path forward in life。 First， we receive some of the As from our parents。 We might seek out and find some from friends and family。 Then， our partner provides the ones we don't get from elsewhere （if we're pursuing a healthy relationship）。 And， after much internal work， we receive the 5As from ourselves and share them with others。 I love that idea。 It made the book worth buying。 In my experience， my parents gave me Attention， Appreciation， and Affection。 In my partner， I sought （and get） Acceptance and Allowing。 I'm moving towards generating these two As myself。 Once you pass the 75 page （ish） mark， the author then applies the 5As to the life cycle of relationships。 And then to the stronger emotions。 That's where I started skimming， picking up other books， and eventually retiring the book for good。 Again， love and appreciate the concept。 But I didn't need 300 pages of it。 But， maybe I'll revisit it later on when I feel trouble and uncertainty brewing in my adult relationships。 Who knows？ 。。。more
Viviane Fortin
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J'ai d'abord pris ce livre en m'esclaffant du titre， voulant faire la blague que je le dédierais à certaines personnes de ma vie。 En lisant la 4e de couverture， je me suis vite rendue compte que ce livre pouvait m'apporter beaucoup plus à moi au final， ce qui a été le cas。 Malgré le côté parfois un peu trop axé sur la spiritualité et répétitif à ce sujet （je suis en amour avec la spiritualité， mais parfois， j'ai senti un caractère trop insistant）， ce livre m'a certainement changé pour le mieux。 J'ai d'abord pris ce livre en m'esclaffant du titre， voulant faire la blague que je le dédierais à certaines personnes de ma vie。 En lisant la 4e de couverture， je me suis vite rendue compte que ce livre pouvait m'apporter beaucoup plus à moi au final， ce qui a été le cas。 Malgré le côté parfois un peu trop axé sur la spiritualité et répétitif à ce sujet （je suis en amour avec la spiritualité， mais parfois， j'ai senti un caractère trop insistant）， ce livre m'a certainement changé pour le mieux。 Je suis heureuse qu'il ait été sur mon chemin au bon moment de ma vie。 。。。more
Colleen Kelly
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This book is absolutely wonderful。 I highlighted nearly half the book lol。 Thank you to David Richo for all of the wisdom。 Looking forward to reading more books by this author。
Ryan Bailey
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I have read some books， taken some classes， taken and given trainings on how to correctly operate romantic relationships。 This was a really good collection of wisdom on how to be close to someone else in a way that enriches you both， categorized nicely into his 5 A's: attention， acceptance， appreciation， affection， and allowing。 Worth more than one read， there is a lot to process。 I have read some books， taken some classes， taken and given trainings on how to correctly operate romantic relationships。 This was a really good collection of wisdom on how to be close to someone else in a way that enriches you both， categorized nicely into his 5 A's: attention， acceptance， appreciation， affection， and allowing。 Worth more than one read， there is a lot to process。 。。。more
Jose Miguel
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I absolutely loved this book。 However it’s definitely a book that requires time， attention and work in the practices。 I would recommend this book to everyone。 It is a book that if given the right attitude and attention can help deal with problems through mindful love。 It is not necessary just a relationship book it can be perfectly used to deal with personal problems and achieve peace and love with oneself。 This is also a book worth revisiting relatively often and with partners。
Salsabeel
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There are five aspects of love that make for happy relationships。 We feel loved when we receive attention， acceptance， appreciation， affection， and when we’re allowed to be who we are。 By giving and receiving these five A’s， our relationships can become deeper and more meaningful， and they can even change the world。Vent your anger healthily。All of us have the right to express our anger – as long as it doesn’t affect others negatively。 If you have an argument with your loved one， take yourself aw There are five aspects of love that make for happy relationships。 We feel loved when we receive attention， acceptance， appreciation， affection， and when we’re allowed to be who we are。 By giving and receiving these five A’s， our relationships can become deeper and more meaningful， and they can even change the world。Vent your anger healthily。All of us have the right to express our anger – as long as it doesn’t affect others negatively。 If you have an argument with your loved one， take yourself away from the situation。 Try walking in a circle – preferably outside – saying “No！” over over。 Or walk according to the rhythm of a short sentence that describes why you’re angry – like， “You don’t listen to me！” This will help you diffuse your anger so that you can discuss your feelings calmly with your partner later on。 。。。more
Emma Knowles
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💭 “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us。”Recognising that I’ve neglected my social health lately， I was looking forward to obtaining new skills and perspectives that enable me to better participate in and nurture the relationships in my life。 Unfortunately， I didn’t find that in this book。This book requires a lot of deep， internal work that if I’m honest I didn’t do。 There were bits and pieces that challenged me personally and I was able spend time thinki 💭 “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us。”Recognising that I’ve neglected my social health lately， I was looking forward to obtaining new skills and perspectives that enable me to better participate in and nurture the relationships in my life。 Unfortunately， I didn’t find that in this book。This book requires a lot of deep， internal work that if I’m honest I didn’t do。 There were bits and pieces that challenged me personally and I was able spend time thinking about how I apply， and could better apply， the 5 A's。 But， there were just too many contentions that I blatantly disagree with。Whilst I recognise early childhood events are one of the most impactful factors in shaping us， Freud is a constant presence in this book - our current needs and disposition towards others are a direct function of our relationship with our parents during childhood。The examples of 'adult' dialogue between couples in this book are laughably unrealistic and formal。Which leads me to another point， the reinforcing of gender stereotypes and sexism - using “Him/Her” in reference to people’s partners as opposed to “Them”。 At one point it felt like the author was almost advocating for women to stay with their abusers。Long-winded， superfluous language and a heavy reliance on random quotes is used to disguise that this book is lacking sound evidence。While there are some aspects of this book that are potentially useful， overall， this book is poorly cited psychoanalytic drivel。https://www。instagram。com/p/Cceyc8mJPdM/ 。。。more
Diana Forrest
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I really like reading books on self improvement， especially when it comes to relationships because they are so intricated， not only that you need to meet your needs but a stranger’s too， it’s so interesting， especially because I am the type of person who strives for a soulmate and foreverness only。 Otherwise， not interested。The approach the author has is insanely enlightening， I want to practice Buddhism as a religion and seeing this approach manifested into love relationships is amazing。 I’m su I really like reading books on self improvement， especially when it comes to relationships because they are so intricated， not only that you need to meet your needs but a stranger’s too， it’s so interesting， especially because I am the type of person who strives for a soulmate and foreverness only。 Otherwise， not interested。The approach the author has is insanely enlightening， I want to practice Buddhism as a religion and seeing this approach manifested into love relationships is amazing。 I’m super glad I’ve found this easy to read book about such a complex matter of the soul。The book teaches us for to release the ego， jealousy and any negative pattern we had until now， it’s such a good book， best I’ve read on this subject。 I do recommend it to anyone。 Stop being pricks to your partners。 。。。more
Becky
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This was an excellent listen but I think I’ll have to buy and read it in physical form so I can take notes。 So many nuggets of wisdom。
Rose Smith
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Learned a lot from this book and forever grateful it exists。 Highly recommend。
Mitch
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Profound。 Helped me do a lot of very constructive soul-searching。 I am not a fan of self-help books but this one has little to no filler or repetition。 This deserves a 2，000-word review but I've put that in my own journal instead。 Profound。 Helped me do a lot of very constructive soul-searching。 I am not a fan of self-help books but this one has little to no filler or repetition。 This deserves a 2，000-word review but I've put that in my own journal instead。 。。。more
Tamara
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mostly really good， feels like an extension of attachment theory。
Mallory
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**Pre-review** I just won a copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway。 I look forward to receiving my copy， reading the book and writing a full review soon！
Tara ☆ Tarasbookshelf
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Excellent and in-depth – a very valuable book！ I will definitely be re-reading this。
Reader
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Overall this was a good read， I may have lost focus during some of it。
Michelle
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it's useful。 it's direct。 i listened to the audiobook it's useful。 it's direct。 i listened to the audiobook 。。。more
Swateek
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This book is more like a workbook which will last a lifetime。 It might get a bit boring with the amount of effort put into descriptions of simple concepts， but staying on the theme is worth it。 The 5 A's - Attention， Acceptance， Affection， Appreciation， Allowing which makes you better at loving is my key takeaway from this book。 This book is more like a workbook which will last a lifetime。 It might get a bit boring with the amount of effort put into descriptions of simple concepts， but staying on the theme is worth it。 The 5 A's - Attention， Acceptance， Affection， Appreciation， Allowing which makes you better at loving is my key takeaway from this book。 。。。more
Amaan Pirani
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Based in a bit too dense Freudian theory， Buddhist theory， and attachment theory but insightful and practical nonetheless。 I'll probably revisit when facing serious relationship questions 🙃 Based in a bit too dense Freudian theory， Buddhist theory， and attachment theory but insightful and practical nonetheless。 I'll probably revisit when facing serious relationship questions 🙃 。。。more
Paula
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Found this book to be too convoluted。 Basically be a good person， not selfish。
Jemma TheTravelingBookLover
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This should be required reading！ So insightful and powerful
Abby
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（3。5/5 stars） I really love part 1 （of 3）， in which Richo maps out the five “A’s” （attention， acceptance， appreciation， affection， and allowing）， his framework for understanding the relational needs （and related wounds） we carry from childhood into adulthood， from our family of origin to our adult relationships。 After that， though， I was frustrated with the binary gender roles/framing and essentializing。 But the first section = great， and I’ve revisited it a lot in the last few years！
Karen Hollins-Stallman
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