The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- Downloads：7021
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-10-30 05:52:01
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Harriet Lerner
- ISBN：006074104X
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to，" writes Dr。 Harriet Lerner， in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers。 While anger deserves our attention and respect， women still learn to silence our anger， to deny it entirely， or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless。 In this engaging and eminently wise book， Dr。 Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change。
Reviews
Michael Nowak
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This book was actually really great。 The title sounded interesting but I think I was a little skeptical of the retro cover and how relevant the content would be some forty years later。 Turns out， very relevant！ The content of the book is timeless and not just for romantic relationships， nor is it a guide just for women。 Although there is special attention in the book focusing on women's issues， it is still largely universal and both men and women can appreciate how gender norms can create common This book was actually really great。 The title sounded interesting but I think I was a little skeptical of the retro cover and how relevant the content would be some forty years later。 Turns out， very relevant！ The content of the book is timeless and not just for romantic relationships， nor is it a guide just for women。 Although there is special attention in the book focusing on women's issues， it is still largely universal and both men and women can appreciate how gender norms can create common dynamics in relationships。 This book made me have a deeper understanding of how relationships work and how knowing the self is a key to having healthy relationships。 I would recommend this book to anyone！ It's a quick read and you'll be sure to find yourself reflected in many of the examples。 。。。more
Maddelline
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It describes very well the most common unhealthy ways of expressing anger。
Chey
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Quick and digestible with clear examples told through stories。
Kimberly
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Yikes， I don't remember much of this one。 It was short。 But I remember thinking it was valuable information at the time。 Sometimes I consume audiobooks a little too quickly to let them really sink in。。。。 Yikes， I don't remember much of this one。 It was short。 But I remember thinking it was valuable information at the time。 Sometimes I consume audiobooks a little too quickly to let them really sink in。。。。 。。。more
Janelle （Girl with the yellow shoes）
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This book has a lot of good information and help in dealing with personal relationships - especially those that are not as healthy as they should be。 I found the section in chapter 7 labeled "learning how not to be helpful" especially useful for me personally。 This book has a lot of good information and help in dealing with personal relationships - especially those that are not as healthy as they should be。 I found the section in chapter 7 labeled "learning how not to be helpful" especially useful for me personally。 。。。more
Mira
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Insightful and helpful。 Loved the explanations of triangles and triggers。 Recommend to anyone who struggles with anger。
Shauna
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This was a great book that targets women and how they manage anger。 There are expectations and misconceptions of women and the way anger is felt， expressed and handled and this book sets the proper feelings and behaviors straight。 She had great information， taught skills， and helped shift the anger mindset。 She was effectively direct in her writing and thoughts。 Great book！
Aistė Pivoriūnienė
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"Pyktis yra jausmas。 Jis kyla ne be priežasties ir visada nusipelno mūsų pagarbos bei dėmesio。 ""Vienintelis asmuo， kurį galime pakeisti ir kontroliuoti， esame mes pačios。" "Mūsų uždavinys - įdėmiai klausytis savo pykčio ir panaudoti jį pokyčiams。。。" "Pyktis yra jausmas。 Jis kyla ne be priežasties ir visada nusipelno mūsų pagarbos bei dėmesio。 ""Vienintelis asmuo， kurį galime pakeisti ir kontroliuoti， esame mes pačios。" "Mūsų uždavinys - įdėmiai klausytis savo pykčio ir panaudoti jį pokyčiams。。。" 。。。more
Jerry Wall
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Self help from Ph。 D，family and personal dynamics re relationships and interactions with family， friends， and fellow workers。Anger is major factor considered and advice is to work it out calmly， etc。
Amanda
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A wonderful book about how to listen to your anger and use it in a productive way， especially for women who are socialized not to express their anger。 I especially liked the overfunctioner / underfunctioner and triangulation descriptions。
Elana Azrai
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Its a good book and I would probably rate it higher if it was more relevant to me， to be honest I was hoping for more to resolve anger relating to ptsd but this book is all about dealing with anger in family dynamics。
Dawn
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This is a really good book on solving differences。 For women， being angry often isn't allowed in our social structure。 She has a good approach and many ideas regarding looking at conflict。 It is one worth reading again。。。。especially when problems come up in life。 This is a really good book on solving differences。 For women， being angry often isn't allowed in our social structure。 She has a good approach and many ideas regarding looking at conflict。 It is one worth reading again。。。。especially when problems come up in life。 。。。more
Yasmine Beltagui
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helps understand frustration and anger， where it comes from and how to process it。highly insightful
Tvisha
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This book was very relatable and provided with solid good long-term strategies to use your anger for change。 I enjoyed it thoroughly and have already started applying the lessons learnt。 It is not easy but it is worth it。 I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with acknowledging and expressing their own anger。
Kristin Green
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This was a really quick listen！ With a lot of wisdom and better understanding of anger。 As a kid， I thought that it was wrong to show anger and that it was something that wasn't acceptable - whether it was implicitly or explicitly taught - you know， the old adage: If you don't have anything nice to say， don't say anything at all。 So then， as a kid， I would stew and punch a wall or something。 I don't actually remember but here are some of the things I learned and really liked about this book。 Thi This was a really quick listen！ With a lot of wisdom and better understanding of anger。 As a kid， I thought that it was wrong to show anger and that it was something that wasn't acceptable - whether it was implicitly or explicitly taught - you know， the old adage: If you don't have anything nice to say， don't say anything at all。 So then， as a kid， I would stew and punch a wall or something。 I don't actually remember but here are some of the things I learned and really liked about this book。 Things for me to practice and know。 Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on ourselves and less of an expert on others。 When we are able to speak with "I" language， then we can speak from a position of strength。 I loved the idea that when we are bitter or angry that it really is a sign that too much of our self has been compromised - anger thus helping us to recognize that we aren't clear about something （in ourselves， our wants， our needs， in our relationships， etc。）。 Anger can then be a catalyst for a more productive confrontation with ourselves or others。 I really loved that。 Harriet Lerner was clear that it's ok to feel what we feel but it doesn't mean someone else is to blame。 It's an opportunity for us to ask ourselves: What are we responsible for？ What are the next steps？ She has a lot of interesting case studies that provided great context for how to practice these skills in real life。 I really liked it！ 。。。more
Natasha
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This is an extremely insightful book that teaches you the patterns we form with our loved ones and how to slowly change those patterns。 The real-life examples in this book really highlight the different ways and roles that people play in relationships。 We all contribute to these patterns and all get angry - but how can we express ourselves in confident， nonjudgmental and non-critical ways is where it can be challenging。 I recommend （and have already recommended） this book to anyone looking for s This is an extremely insightful book that teaches you the patterns we form with our loved ones and how to slowly change those patterns。 The real-life examples in this book really highlight the different ways and roles that people play in relationships。 We all contribute to these patterns and all get angry - but how can we express ourselves in confident， nonjudgmental and non-critical ways is where it can be challenging。 I recommend （and have already recommended） this book to anyone looking for some introspection。 Love it 。。。more
Georgia Phil’S
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I can't imagine my husband is back to me。 All thanks to Prophet Miracle for bringing my lost lover back with his powerful love spell。 After everything I had go through。 I owe you everything Great one。 Thanks a lot。 If you need your ex husband /wife back。 Please kindly contact him or WhatsApp +1 （816） 319‑4308https://www。facebook。com/profile。php？。。。 I can't imagine my husband is back to me。 All thanks to Prophet Miracle for bringing my lost lover back with his powerful love spell。 After everything I had go through。 I owe you everything Great one。 Thanks a lot。 If you need your ex husband /wife back。 Please kindly contact him or WhatsApp +1 （816） 319‑4308https://www。facebook。com/profile。php？。。。 。。。more
claudia
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this book is a gamechanger。 i didnt even realize i had put aside the last chapter for a few months because i was so busy actually APPLYING what i learned in my daily life。 my biggest takeaway is the idea that once a relationship dynamic is established between two people， it is very hard to change the cycle of interactions without conscious awareness and effort。 specific example that struck a nerve: how women tend to be the overfunctioners in a relationship doing the emotional work on others’ beh this book is a gamechanger。 i didnt even realize i had put aside the last chapter for a few months because i was so busy actually APPLYING what i learned in my daily life。 my biggest takeaway is the idea that once a relationship dynamic is established between two people， it is very hard to change the cycle of interactions without conscious awareness and effort。 specific example that struck a nerve: how women tend to be the overfunctioners in a relationship doing the emotional work on others’ behalf and how that actually takes AWAY the other person’s natural capacity to feel the emotion themselves， i。e。， is almost always to the detriment of the other’s emotional development。 this blew my mind。 It made me starkly aware of my own energetic boundaries， and how theyre important to maintain not only for my own wellbeing but also for my loved ones to be THEIR best selves。 Must read for anyone who values and willing to actively invest in their closest relationships。 。。。more
Laura
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"Anger is something we feel。 It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention。 We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly， our anger is no exception。"I appreciated the author's encouragement in helping you to figure out the "why" of your anger and breaking the cycle of staying in the same anger patterns。 Although she didn't mention boundaries by the exact word， she definitely implied them by encouraging you to stick with a plan and to be clear with family and fri "Anger is something we feel。 It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention。 We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly， our anger is no exception。"I appreciated the author's encouragement in helping you to figure out the "why" of your anger and breaking the cycle of staying in the same anger patterns。 Although she didn't mention boundaries by the exact word， she definitely implied them by encouraging you to stick with a plan and to be clear with family and friends how you are feeling。 。。。more
Kelley
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Probably closer to 3。5。 I thought pieces of this book were really interesting but others were pretty obvious。 I have had quite a few trainings at my work about active listening and whatnot and a lot of this is information I have already heard such as using I statements when upset。 I do think I took something from this book and it could be really useful for a lot of people。
Louella Mahabir
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This is short but so very helpful in understanding exchanges between relatives and counterparts。 I think that's why she terms it a dance。 Moves and countermoves。 It's good to refer to this book now and then。 This is short but so very helpful in understanding exchanges between relatives and counterparts。 I think that's why she terms it a dance。 Moves and countermoves。 It's good to refer to this book now and then。 。。。more
Natasha
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Valuable read。 Directed towards women and how anger is a clue that something is not right。 The beginning felt clunky， a little unclear， and had some unnecessary language but forge ahead…the remaining content was filled with many helpful illustrations and explanations about what to do once you discover the true reason for your angry feelings。 The author also continually reminds readers what is in their control and what is not their responsibility。 She shows you the mature way to handle tricky sit Valuable read。 Directed towards women and how anger is a clue that something is not right。 The beginning felt clunky， a little unclear， and had some unnecessary language but forge ahead…the remaining content was filled with many helpful illustrations and explanations about what to do once you discover the true reason for your angry feelings。 The author also continually reminds readers what is in their control and what is not their responsibility。 She shows you the mature way to handle tricky situations， while recognizing this process of change is hard and messy。 I learned better what it looks like to set clear boundaries AND remain warm。 。。。more
Deb
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Was in a job situation that really made me frustrated and angry。 Repeatedly。 I practiced letting go of outcomes and the things I couldn't control and just not caring。。。or， as my dad says， I learned to "plug my nose and take their money。" But I don't think it was the most effective way to handle my anger。 and I could feel the anger making an impact on my body and stress。 Women are generally are socialized to never be angry and are told that if we're angry we're not a good woman etc。 But anger as Was in a job situation that really made me frustrated and angry。 Repeatedly。 I practiced letting go of outcomes and the things I couldn't control and just not caring。。。or， as my dad says， I learned to "plug my nose and take their money。" But I don't think it was the most effective way to handle my anger。 and I could feel the anger making an impact on my body and stress。 Women are generally are socialized to never be angry and are told that if we're angry we're not a good woman etc。 But anger as an emotion is actually helpful to point out things that you're not okay with or that aren't right。 The book is helpful， full of stories I could relate to， different approaches or language you can use to express your feelings and manage the dance with other people as you express your feelings and things you're not okay with。I listened to it， but I probably would have absorbed more if I had read it。 。。。more
Amelia
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I've learned so many things about anger， I start seeing everything much deeper and from new perspectives。 I've learned so many things about anger， I start seeing everything much deeper and from new perspectives。 。。。more
gerli
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hästi
Zoë Maayan
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Yes this book is a bit dated but still has some very valuable messages。
Amanda de Winter
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This book is the second of the few self help books I have read。 I was attracted to concept of women not being able to out their anger in a healthy way and what a clinical psychologist had to say on this。 The author provided examples and methods to analyze your own family and how it may be causing ongoing anger and frustration in your life。 She encourages you to think broadly about the role you are playing in your own anger。 Seeing as this book was written in 1985 I think it was a bit outdated in This book is the second of the few self help books I have read。 I was attracted to concept of women not being able to out their anger in a healthy way and what a clinical psychologist had to say on this。 The author provided examples and methods to analyze your own family and how it may be causing ongoing anger and frustration in your life。 She encourages you to think broadly about the role you are playing in your own anger。 Seeing as this book was written in 1985 I think it was a bit outdated in that many identifying factors beyond femininity and gender roles are at play when considering how to display your own anger。 I think these examples and tips would work but they often ignore the possibility of a reality where a family home may have abuse or where there are societal boundaries that discourage displays of anger。 I was happy to finish this book and think this topic is very interesting。 It makes you think about the possibilities of expanding knowledge on this subject。 。。。more
Holly
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Give me all the Harriet Lerner。 Such a good， quick read。 It might have been the only self-help book that I wish would’ve been more in-depth。
Rebecca 🦦
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The cover of this book really put me off， it was a recommendation from a youtube video i watched a couple of years ago about navigating the role of being a woman。 This book discusses the expectations placed on you as a sister/daughter/mother/colleague/partner/wife and how to deal with frustrations that may arise around these expectations。 I found this book unbelievably helpful， and i think i’ll re-read this frequently when i find myself in a situation where i want guidance on how to resolve prob The cover of this book really put me off， it was a recommendation from a youtube video i watched a couple of years ago about navigating the role of being a woman。 This book discusses the expectations placed on you as a sister/daughter/mother/colleague/partner/wife and how to deal with frustrations that may arise around these expectations。 I found this book unbelievably helpful， and i think i’ll re-read this frequently when i find myself in a situation where i want guidance on how to resolve problems rather than just getting angry/overcompensating or withdrawing totally。 I honestly think theres not a woman alive who couldn’t relate to the problems discussed and how the author maps out appropriate boundary setting and sticking with them。 It makes a strong point that anger is a canary in the coal mine you should listen to and act on effectively。 。。。more
Samara Rachelle
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