Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships
- Downloads：3710
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-09-17 09:56:59
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Sue Johnson
- ISBN：0749955481
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
Heralded by the "New York Times" and "Time" magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success， Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond。 This idea， once controversial， is now supported by science， and has become widely popular among therapists around the world。 In HOLD ME TIGHT， Dr。 Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time。 Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond。 With this in mind， she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations。 Through case studies from her practice， illuminating advice， and practical exercises， couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love。
Reviews
Samantha
，
I was super skeptical of this book at first， but ended up learning quite a bit。 Read for "Feelings Book Club。" I was super skeptical of this book at first， but ended up learning quite a bit。 Read for "Feelings Book Club。" 。。。more
Vanessa Morin
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Did not finish 😬
Ian Greaves
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Solid approach to mutually supportive intimate relationships
Alex Rogers
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The best book on relationships that I've read （oh， the Ethical Slut isn't really a relationship book ;-）。 It transformed my understanding of attachment styles， led me to really understanding the obvious about love （that it is a human need as important as food or shelter） and helped me understand so much about interpersonal relationship aspects including some of my own issues。 It was an excellent blend of hard science / research （so important for me to give anything credibility）， practical and in The best book on relationships that I've read （oh， the Ethical Slut isn't really a relationship book ;-）。 It transformed my understanding of attachment styles， led me to really understanding the obvious about love （that it is a human need as important as food or shelter） and helped me understand so much about interpersonal relationship aspects including some of my own issues。 It was an excellent blend of hard science / research （so important for me to give anything credibility）， practical and intellectual exercises， and case studies。 The writing is clear， warm and engaging， and I was totally absorbed。 I don't often give books 5 stars， that is normally reserved for books that have deeply moved me， changed my way of thinking， taught me something new and the like - and this book did all of that and more。 Highly recommended for anyone who has relationships with other people ;-） 。。。more
Michael
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Not as good as Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch。 Still has lots of helpful stuff for many couples。
Chris
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Very good book on repairing relationships， with examples and ways to overcome negative habits with your loved one。
Morteza Shirzad
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The adaption of the attachment theory to couples' relationships was interesting to me。 I am yet to philosophically analyse if we cannot really survive and live well without a partner （The book seems to suggest that having a partner is a must！）。 What about many people who appreciate living alone？ Etc。 I am a married man but I think people who live without a partner can equally have a prosperous life （a tenet this book wants to challenge）。 On a different note， the proof is in the pudding; the theo The adaption of the attachment theory to couples' relationships was interesting to me。 I am yet to philosophically analyse if we cannot really survive and live well without a partner （The book seems to suggest that having a partner is a must！）。 What about many people who appreciate living alone？ Etc。 I am a married man but I think people who live without a partner can equally have a prosperous life （a tenet this book wants to challenge）。 On a different note， the proof is in the pudding; the theories are interesting and the author promises that it WORKS， but this is not enough for me and I am looking forward to trying it with my partner to evaluate its strengths points as well as its potential limitations- about which the book does not talk （I am generally doubtful of the claims that overemphasis on the scientific nature of their claims without acknowledging the potential flaws and limitations of the theory）。 The book would benefit from a reference list to make the sources used available。 So， overall seems to be a good book and it is on my list to be read again with my partner; this time with a more practical view！ 。。。more
Ranjan R。 Lamichhane
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Great book。 Every couple should read this together。
Caitlin
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Rounded up to a 3。5。 I really wanted to give this a higher rating， because the information and research is amazing when it comes to attachment。 Unfortunately， I could not get passed how poorly it was written。 I could not stand the cringieness and the corny language。 It was very distracting and I almost didn't finish it。 Hope I'm not the only one who thinks this。 Rounded up to a 3。5。 I really wanted to give this a higher rating， because the information and research is amazing when it comes to attachment。 Unfortunately， I could not get passed how poorly it was written。 I could not stand the cringieness and the corny language。 It was very distracting and I almost didn't finish it。 Hope I'm not the only one who thinks this。 。。。more
Anne
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Book was well done but the audiobook really emphasized gender stereotypes with breathy， tear filled women’s voices and deep， reticent men。 Really noticeable and annoying。
Simon
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A fantastic read on attachment， love， sex and how to mature your model and methods of engagement with those most closest to you。 Research， verbatim case studies， and exercises are incorporated into this gentle read， that aims to help those in love but troubled or not achieving the fullness of that love。
Rachel Yox
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A really wonderful read for not only romantic partners but for everyone who wants to build successful relationships （ie， everybody）。 Dr。 Johnson uses vivid examples to beautifully illustrate her points and maintains space for imperfection， something that is so utterly necessary when teaching about human interactions because humans are so wonderfully imperfect
Jaylynn Gold
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I completely agree with the theory presented in this book！ The knowledge of relationship transforming and relationship saving。
Ryan
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I started this book last November， then bought a copy for my wife as a Christmas gift。I stopped reading it for a long time waiting for my wife to catch up so that we could do the homework together。 Yesterday， we finally began some of the homework， and it was really good。 Since I was thinking about it again， I just went ahead and finished the book。The core concept behind this book is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy， or EFT。 Rather than viewing love relationships as just a series of "rational I started this book last November， then bought a copy for my wife as a Christmas gift。I stopped reading it for a long time waiting for my wife to catch up so that we could do the homework together。 Yesterday， we finally began some of the homework， and it was really good。 Since I was thinking about it again， I just went ahead and finished the book。The core concept behind this book is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy， or EFT。 Rather than viewing love relationships as just a series of "rational bargains，" EFT views them through the lens of attachment and emotional bonding。"We need emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable others to be physically and mentally healthy – to survive。 [。。。] Romantic love [is] all about attachment and emotional bonding。 It [is] all about our wired-in need to have someone to depend on， a loved one who can offer reliable emotional connection and comfort。"This core concept really resonates with me， especially as I've had the opportunity to reflect on my own interactions with my wife。 Many times throughout the day， I make small bids for Stephanie's attention。 I'm seeking connection， validation， and comfort。 The same is true for Stephanie when she reaches out to me。It's easy in the busy-ness of life to brush off your partner's bids for attention。 But it's important to acknowledge and validate your spouse when he or she makes a bid for your attention， and to comfort your spouse if needed。After introducing the core concepts behind EFT， the author dives into the seven conversations to help reconnect with your spouse and establish a connected and loving relationship。 The first conversation involves recognizing your demon dialogues。 The pattern of these demon dialogues manifest as Demand-Withdraw， Criticize-Defend， or Withdraw-Withdraw。The three Demon Dialogues are:* Find the Bad Guy （It's Not Me， It's You）* The Protest Polka （"trying to get a response that connects and reassures"）* Freeze and Flee （"deadly silence， extreme distancing"）Johnson refers to one of the dialogues as the Protest Polka "because I see it as a reaction or， more accurately， a protest against the loss of the sense of secure attachment that we all need in a relationship。"Of course， the Demon Dialogues are just the first conversation of seven。 And at the end of each conversation， there is homework for each spouse to complete and then share with the other。 Yes， these really are conversations， and the true value in the book is in taking the time and effort to have these potentially difficult conversations。I'm very impressed with this book because it's deeper and more nuanced than the material covered in popular relationship books like The 5 Love Languages （by Gary Chapman） and His Needs， Her Needs （by Willard F。 Harley， Jr。）。 Both are excellent books， by the way， and worth reading – especially if you're engaged or newly married。But a successful long-term relationship isn't quite as simple as understanding your spouse's love language or meeting the top 5 of his or her core needs。 These things are helpful， of course， but not a cure-all for relationship issues。Who will benefit the most from this book: Married couples who've been together more than 10 years and realize what they're currently doing isn't working and they need a new approach to reconnect with their spouses。That said， this book could be just as helpful to newlyweds as it may help them avoid some of the natural pitfalls of marriage。 。。。more
Lawrence Lewis
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Good follow up to The Five Love Languages addressing communication in intimate relationships。
James Smith
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A most excellent book。 Certainly an illuminating look into couple relationships。 It is quite easy and comfortable from a language / vocabulary point of view， even if it asks the reader some uncomfortable questions sometimes。 I read it very quickly and I am intending to re-read it now a little bit more slowly。 My main reason for doing so was that， especially early in the book， Johnson presents some things are commonly done wrong， both in （unhealthy） couple dynamics and （what she frames as） misgui A most excellent book。 Certainly an illuminating look into couple relationships。 It is quite easy and comfortable from a language / vocabulary point of view， even if it asks the reader some uncomfortable questions sometimes。 I read it very quickly and I am intending to re-read it now a little bit more slowly。 My main reason for doing so was that， especially early in the book， Johnson presents some things are commonly done wrong， both in （unhealthy） couple dynamics and （what she frames as） misguided attempts by therapists to fix things。 I wanted to get at least a rough working understanding of what her model was， from start to finish， so I read the book once through very quickly。One thing that I liked is that she illustrated each concept with relatively realistic dialogues。 One thing that I *didn't* like as much was that the dialogues were relatively short and to the point， to illustrate the issue that she was discussing。 Some of the couples got re-visited as the book progressed， but some didn't， so I was kind of left wondering how these specific issues ended up being addressed。 But this is a minor criticism at best， because the overall concepts are illustrated quite well。She writes in the introduction that the book is an attempt to provide access to her Emotionally Focused Therapy techniques for those who might not be able to get access to a trained couples' therapist。 After having read the book once， and that very quickly， I think that it would be better than nothing， but it wouldn't entirely replace a therapist for a couple in dire need。 I think that it would take a fairly strong person to be able to read the book and fix a marriage up if it's really struggling， without the assistance of an experienced third-party。 。。。more
Simone Angela
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I really wanted to like this， but it's too long。 The audiobook has all these whiny women！ That's not who we are。 I think the approach may be helpful， but it seems to me that it's a bit too much on the surface。 It does look into where triggers are， but I think more exploration of that kind of thing yields more sustainable results than just a recipe on how to get out of the trigger spiral when it happens。 I really wanted to like this， but it's too long。 The audiobook has all these whiny women！ That's not who we are。 I think the approach may be helpful， but it seems to me that it's a bit too much on the surface。 It does look into where triggers are， but I think more exploration of that kind of thing yields more sustainable results than just a recipe on how to get out of the trigger spiral when it happens。 。。。more
Kika
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نمیدونم چطوری بگم 。 اونقدر که فک میکردم خفن و کاربردیه نبود شاید 。。。نمیدونم چرا کلا نمیتونم راجع به این کتاب نظر خاصی بدم البته یه سری چیزاش واقن مهم وکاربردی بود و به نظرم اگه با تمرین کردن بتونیم تو روابطمون نهادینه شون کنیم خیلیی خیلییی تاثیر گذارهولی خوب با این حال خیلی چیزا از این کتاب یادگرفتم و فهمیدم یه سری کارهایی که میکردم درست نبوده و باید با تمرین کردن سعی کنم اصلاحشون کنم 。。。。
Lilamedusa
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Este libro realmente me ha gustado。 No es un libro solamente para personas en pareja。 Si no estás en pareja， o si lo estás， este libro te puede ayudar montones a entenderte a ti mismo y a otros。 Desde el título hasta ciertas tendencias en la escritura cae en algunos clichés del libro de autoayuda， pero no es un libro de autoayuda en el sentido de tantos otros。 Este libro te explica algunas cosas teóricas de una manera muy clara que iluminan aspectos de la vida en sociedad， pero también para ayud Este libro realmente me ha gustado。 No es un libro solamente para personas en pareja。 Si no estás en pareja， o si lo estás， este libro te puede ayudar montones a entenderte a ti mismo y a otros。 Desde el título hasta ciertas tendencias en la escritura cae en algunos clichés del libro de autoayuda， pero no es un libro de autoayuda en el sentido de tantos otros。 Este libro te explica algunas cosas teóricas de una manera muy clara que iluminan aspectos de la vida en sociedad， pero también para ayudarte a explorar aspectos de ti mismo y de otros con una mirada empática e innovadora。 No puedo recomendarlo lo suficiente。 Es bastante caro （oscila entre los 800 y los 900 pesos mexicanos en amazon）， pero creo que vale cada peso。 。。。more
Kelsey
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Recommended to me by my doctor （lol surprise there！）， but couldn't be more pleased。 I was expecting the seven conversations to be workshop-y; however， the conversations frame strategies to apply。 Recommended to me by my doctor （lol surprise there！）， but couldn't be more pleased。 I was expecting the seven conversations to be workshop-y; however， the conversations frame strategies to apply。 。。。more
Caroline
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Aanrader voor relatietherapeuten en koppels
boocia
，
last one of the batch ！ i liked this book！ it was very cool and validating。 there should be a name for the phenom of ideas being obvious now because the book was such a paradigm shift。 but yeah a lot of stuff we know now， but still articulated in this sort of refreshing， re-affirming way。 the central premise is just that adult attachment theory is real; and we should treat adult like they need similar reassurances etc。 as babies。i think i was really compelled -- as someone who does a lot of Prot last one of the batch ！ i liked this book！ it was very cool and validating。 there should be a name for the phenom of ideas being obvious now because the book was such a paradigm shift。 but yeah a lot of stuff we know now， but still articulated in this sort of refreshing， re-affirming way。 the central premise is just that adult attachment theory is real; and we should treat adult like they need similar reassurances etc。 as babies。i think i was really compelled -- as someone who does a lot of Protest behaviors -- by explanations of the shutdown behavior。 i think i do sometimes believe （and still do） that i simply want more， need more， or feel more than other people do。 and having this book relay an alternative -- specifically not "this is too painful and i need to bail" but "the least damage i can do is to stay as still as possible" was genuinely eyeopening。 also i think specifically， one of the diagnostic questions of "are you a person who pulls back" is "have you ever just said 'this person just needs more than i do'"， which was weirdly affirming。i was also really caught by how THE turning point conversation was seemingly just relaying a deeply vulnerable， fundamental fear -- and having your partner still be there at the end， was a very concrete one ！ we love when brains can be hacked。i think what actually drew me into this book was the sense of rigor because i am an asshole。 so i loved that she got into how "love" as we know it is a romantic invention of a certain time period （1300s italian poets）， and how love is a historicized phenomenon （what we need from our partners changes as we move from communal life to dyadic relationships）， and about the history of psychology itself around couples therapy。 anyway good one， very resonant。 。。。more
Nazanin Zare
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3。5
Amber Olson
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Recommended by a friend。 I thought it was a horrible waste of time。 It’s written like a soap opera。 I found zero value in this book。
Flavius
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Hard to read， even harder to put into practice， but a must if you're in any kind of serious relationship and you want to solve the inevitable friction points Hard to read， even harder to put into practice， but a must if you're in any kind of serious relationship and you want to solve the inevitable friction points 。。。more
Suzanne
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This book was published in 2008 （almost 15 years ago）。 It contains 3 parts and 285 pages that are short and easy to read。I went on Alex Cormont Masterclass on Emotional Dependency and wanted to read some books about it to get more insights。Well， this book at the end of the book has some few insights， but throughout the book there are only for me， outdated samples of couples。If you ask me， if there is anything useful and new I learnt to share， there is none。
Algirdas Brukštus
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Porų terapija， orientuota į suaugusių žmonių emocinio artumo poreikį。
Sheila
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A lot of this book spoke to me。 Some stories gave me big feels
Rebecca
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My therapist says so
Attica Musings
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