Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-03-30 11:18:24
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Kerry Patterson
- ISBN：0071771328
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Summary
The New York Times and Washington Post bestseller that changed the way millions communicate
"[Crucial Conversations] draws our attention to those defining moments that literally shape our lives， our relationships， and our world。 。 。 。 This book deserves to take its place as one of the key thought leadership contributions of our time。"--from the Foreword by Stephen R。 Covey， author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
"The quality of your life comes out of the quality of your dialogues and conversations。 Here's how to instantly uplift your crucial conversations。"
--Mark Victor Hansen， cocreator of the #1 New York Times bestselling series Chicken Soup for the Soul（R）
The first edition of Crucial Conversations exploded onto the scene and revolutionized the way millions of people communicate when stakes are high。 This new edition gives you the tools to:
* Prepare for high-stakes situations
* Transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue
* Make it safe to talk about almost anything
* Be persuasive， not abrasive
"[Crucial Conversations] draws our attention to those defining moments that literally shape our lives， our relationships， and our world。 。 。 。 This book deserves to take its place as one of the key thought leadership contributions of our time。"--from the Foreword by Stephen R。 Covey， author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
"The quality of your life comes out of the quality of your dialogues and conversations。 Here's how to instantly uplift your crucial conversations。"
--Mark Victor Hansen， cocreator of the #1 New York Times bestselling series Chicken Soup for the Soul（R）
The first edition of Crucial Conversations exploded onto the scene and revolutionized the way millions of people communicate when stakes are high。 This new edition gives you the tools to:
* Prepare for high-stakes situations
* Transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue
* Make it safe to talk about almost anything
* Be persuasive， not abrasive
Reviews
Christine Cabang
，
It’s quite obvious to me that a white cos gendered man wrote this。 That’s all I need to say I think。
Christie
，
Disjointed information。 The chapters will start with the beginning of an example， move to a few other examples， then wrap up with the original example。 There is no clear "how to。" Disjointed information。 The chapters will start with the beginning of an example， move to a few other examples， then wrap up with the original example。 There is no clear "how to。" 。。。more
Marguerite MacLean
，
This is a book I am going to keep referring back to over and over again。 What exactly is a Crucial Conversation。 The authors answer that any conversation where the stakes are high and the outcome is anything but guaranteed。 They then walk you though various situations teaching you new tools along the way。 If you have ever ended up on the wrong side of a conversation and wondered how you got there， this book can help。 Even if you just want to improve your conversational skills， this book can help This is a book I am going to keep referring back to over and over again。 What exactly is a Crucial Conversation。 The authors answer that any conversation where the stakes are high and the outcome is anything but guaranteed。 They then walk you though various situations teaching you new tools along the way。 If you have ever ended up on the wrong side of a conversation and wondered how you got there， this book can help。 Even if you just want to improve your conversational skills， this book can help。 。。。more
Makaela Alder
，
This was recommended to me by my therapist。 It was a really good book that I think everyone should read。 I believe it can really benefit all relationships and I’m definitely going to read this often。
Sushil
，
This is more like textbook learning on personal negotiation skills。 This book is not just for reading but creating an action plan otherwise may not be helpful。 I see why many people find it boring or repeated concepts of empathy as they may have read multiple books but this is a bit different and concise and I am sure the Author is not assuming his reader already aware of those concepts。I advise you to read this book once and go back to the chapters you liked most， create notes and apply those s This is more like textbook learning on personal negotiation skills。 This book is not just for reading but creating an action plan otherwise may not be helpful。 I see why many people find it boring or repeated concepts of empathy as they may have read multiple books but this is a bit different and concise and I am sure the Author is not assuming his reader already aware of those concepts。I advise you to read this book once and go back to the chapters you liked most， create notes and apply those skills in real life as it contains much multiple practical advice。 。。。more
Michael
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I believe this is the third time that I have read this book， but for some reason could not find it in my list of previously read books。 As a project manager， this book made complete sense， but didn't always seem to come into play。 However， as a manager of people and part of a leadership team。。。wow， very important and used on a daily basis， sometimes several times a day。 Obviously one cannot do every single thing stated in the book with each conversation， however many of the principles overlap an I believe this is the third time that I have read this book， but for some reason could not find it in my list of previously read books。 As a project manager， this book made complete sense， but didn't always seem to come into play。 However， as a manager of people and part of a leadership team。。。wow， very important and used on a daily basis， sometimes several times a day。 Obviously one cannot do every single thing stated in the book with each conversation， however many of the principles overlap and are undeniably useful。As a parent and spouse， thinking about getting on the same page with my family members， this has saved many a relationship， especially with my children。 I have created a story far too soon and projected my thoughts on my kids。 I surely have to remember this and typically pull back from the conversation for a few moments to think about what outcome both parties really want。 。。。more
Lisa
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Read with my mgmt team for work- terrible at best。 The examples are filled with ridiculous idioms and normal people just don’t talk like that。 It was part how to deal with loose cannon coworkers and part intimate relationship advice， but I didn’t understand how the stakes were high in any of these scenarios。 Loved at the end of the book they said here’s the deal， if you try all these things and the person who you’re talking to doesn’t want to participate， then this won’t work。 At least the book Read with my mgmt team for work- terrible at best。 The examples are filled with ridiculous idioms and normal people just don’t talk like that。 It was part how to deal with loose cannon coworkers and part intimate relationship advice， but I didn’t understand how the stakes were high in any of these scenarios。 Loved at the end of the book they said here’s the deal， if you try all these things and the person who you’re talking to doesn’t want to participate， then this won’t work。 At least the book wasn’t a complete waste of time and make me laugh out loud a few times at it’s ridiculousness。 Big picture take of this book- don’t be an a-hole， which I would hope most people don’t need to read a book to learn that。 。。。more
Carolyn Gould
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So many great learnings。 I wish I had read this years ago。
Yan Cao
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很有收获的一本书，可以应用到日常生活中
Igor Polyakov
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This book is a game-changer！ Life won't be the same again if you really take those advices and follow them。 This book is a game-changer！ Life won't be the same again if you really take those advices and follow them。 。。。more
Gail
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Excellent book on communication。。。full of wisdom and practical application。 Highly recommend it for use in personal or work-life。
Scott Hazen
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I can save people a lot of time on this one。 Don’t lose your cool， be empathetic but direct。 Tell the hard truth but don’t be an a&&。 It’s really basic stuff but it’s not done often。 There’s another reviewer here that pointed out the work kind of hops around。 That’s a fair criticism。 Maybe its just me but I’ve read so many books on management in my life that this just seems like another for the pile。
Helen Bower
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How do I know I just read a business book written by 4 men？ Page 97 had the words "sex slave。" How do I know I just read a business book written by 4 men？ Page 97 had the words "sex slave。" 。。。more
Jensa
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I listened this and will need to reread & practice these concepts before they sink in。 There were a lot of acronyms to be sure！ The one I remember most is AMP to help people open up and feel safe to open a dialogue。
Carol Ann
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This book was recommended at a leadership seminar。 For the most part it is standard management fare with good advice for productive and respectful conversations。 The section on how to deal with sexual harassment is both dangerous and offensive。 If I could give this book zero stars for that section alone， I would。
Cori
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A staple for developing communication skills。
Pau
，
Uno de mis libros favoritos sobre comunicación y habilidades sociales pero no el más sencillo。 Los autores estudiaron durante años cómo se comunicaban las personas más carismáticas de algunas de las empresas de mayor éxito para sacar conclusiones。 Aprenderás a resolver conflictos de todo tipo y a dominar el proceso de comunicación。 Otro imprescindible en mi opinión。Te lo recomiendo si: quieres mejorar tus habilidades sociales hasta el punto de que puedas resolver la mayoría de conflictos， ya sea Uno de mis libros favoritos sobre comunicación y habilidades sociales pero no el más sencillo。 Los autores estudiaron durante años cómo se comunicaban las personas más carismáticas de algunas de las empresas de mayor éxito para sacar conclusiones。 Aprenderás a resolver conflictos de todo tipo y a dominar el proceso de comunicación。 Otro imprescindible en mi opinión。Te lo recomiendo si: quieres mejorar tus habilidades sociales hasta el punto de que puedas resolver la mayoría de conflictos， ya sean laborales， sentimentales o familiares。 Valoración 9/10。 。。。more
Laura
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This is obviously not a book you read for pleasure， but in the category of required reading， I thought this was worthwhile。 Seems we could all use some tips about having conversation that’s constructive instead of destructive these days， eh？
Lauren
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I think this book has lots of useful tips for tense conversations。 I especially appreciated the message to first look at your own behavior - what is your role in the situation？ What are you expressing to the other person？ What story are you telling yourself？ Our stories can be misleading。 One issue: I don't see how the tips in this book would be helpful if the person/people you are speaking with do not have a desire to reach a mutually beneficial decision （i。e。 if they are trying to control/mani I think this book has lots of useful tips for tense conversations。 I especially appreciated the message to first look at your own behavior - what is your role in the situation？ What are you expressing to the other person？ What story are you telling yourself？ Our stories can be misleading。 One issue: I don't see how the tips in this book would be helpful if the person/people you are speaking with do not have a desire to reach a mutually beneficial decision （i。e。 if they are trying to control/manipulate you）。 。。。more
Austin
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Good book， overall。 Had a lot of great thoughts on how to better handle difficult and more complex discussions。
A
，
There is a lot of strategies and techniques to digest。 Honestly believe I will reference back to this book when problem solving and working towards communication。 Highly recommend。
Chad
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This is a short and insightful read on the basics of communication。The three main takeaways for me were:1） You need a shared sense of safety to have an open dialogue。 You can take responsibility for creating that shared sense of safety。2） From an observation （evidence）， you tell yourself a story， that creates an emotion， then you act。 In others， you only see the action， and need to work back through their feeling， story， and evidence。3） People aren't evil。 If you are making someone out to be a v This is a short and insightful read on the basics of communication。The three main takeaways for me were:1） You need a shared sense of safety to have an open dialogue。 You can take responsibility for creating that shared sense of safety。2） From an observation （evidence）， you tell yourself a story， that creates an emotion， then you act。 In others， you only see the action， and need to work back through their feeling， story， and evidence。3） People aren't evil。 If you are making someone out to be a villain， you likely don't have the full story。 You need to take responsibility for your role in the relationship and how your action or non-action has allowed the problem to develop。The best organizations are those where everyone holds everyone else accountable。 The more openly this framework can be used， the better the decisions and the better the outcomes。== More detailed notes ==Start with Heart- Focus on what you REALLY want （"What do I want for me？ What do I want for others？ What do I want for the relationship？" Focus on overall outcome AND relationship with other person， not to "be right"; may also be helpful to clarify what you really DON'T want）- Refuse the Sucker's Choice （false dichotomy）Learn to Look- Look for when the conversation becomes crucial- Look for safety problems- Look for our own Style Under StressMake it Safe- Apologize when appropriate- Contract to fix misunderstandings （contrasting is NOT apologizing， be clear， don't water down your message）- CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose （"Do others believe I care about their goals in this conversation？ Do they trust my motives？"）- Mutual Respect （"Do others believe I respect them？" -- Look for ways in which you are similar to others in order to respect them）-> CRIB- Commit to Seek Mutual Purpose- Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy- Invent a Mutual Purpose- Brainstorm New StrategiesMaster My Stories- Retrace my Path to Action （See/hear -> Tell a story -> Feel -> Act）- Separate fact from story- Watch for Three Clever Stories （Victim， Villain， Helpless）- Tell the rest of the story （turn victims into actors， turn villains into humans， turn the helpless into the able; "Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem？ Why would a reasonable， rational， and decent person do this？ What do I really want？ What would I do right now if I really wanted these results？"）STATE My Path- Share your facts- Tell your story- Ask for others' paths- Talk tentatively- Encourage testingExplore Other's Paths- Be curious- Stay curious- Be patient- Ask- Mirror- Paraphrase- Prime- Agree- Build- CompareMove to Action- Decide how you'll decide （command， consult， vote， consensus）- Document decisions and follow up 。。。more
Walter Qian
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Solid advice for being an effective communicator。 I was struggling at work to explain my thoughts properly in high stakes situations and often didn't explain my thoughts properly。 This book will help me in these cases。 Main takeaways I enjoyed were at the start make sure to state a mutual purpose and the parties have mutual respect。 And mastering your stories to make sure all the facts are stated first。 Quick fast read with good real life examples。 Solid advice for being an effective communicator。 I was struggling at work to explain my thoughts properly in high stakes situations and often didn't explain my thoughts properly。 This book will help me in these cases。 Main takeaways I enjoyed were at the start make sure to state a mutual purpose and the parties have mutual respect。 And mastering your stories to make sure all the facts are stated first。 Quick fast read with good real life examples。 。。。more
Sarah Klein
，
This book requires the accompanying Crucial Conversations class for skills mastery。 It’s Communication 501。 I feel that if I acquire this skills and integrate them into my communication style， I could probably have an effective conversation with just about ANYONE。 And with the variety of people and personalities out there， that’s a pretty big claim。 The course is run by VitalSmarts Inc。
Brad Dunnagan
，
Walks you through how to have tough conversations。 Also gives you some examples of things to be aware of about yourself when you find yourself having one。
The BookTeller
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ทักษะ ทุกอย่างในเล่มนี้ เกิดจากการที่ผู้เขียนลงมือ วิจัย ค้นคว้า และฝึกปฏิบัติ อย่างจริงจัง มีประเด็นที่เราสงสัยอย่างครบเครื่อง ในหลายๆสถานการณ์ ที่ผู้เขียนได้ให้คำตอบกับเราไว้ในหนังสือเล่มนี้แล้ว อีกทั้ง เหตุการณ์จากสถานการณ์จริง ที่เราสามารถเรียนรู้ และนำไปประยุกต์ใช้ได้ทันที สำหรับคนที่อยากพัฒนาการพูดเป็นหนังสือพัฒนาทักษะการพูดอันดับต้นที่ต้องมีติดตัวไว้
Christopher StThomas
，
I will come back and edit this but Wow！ I wish I read this book twenty years ago！ applying the concepts will be the true magic！ This should be required reading for all humans。
Dumitru
，
Undoubtedly an excellent and timeless piece of work。 With the exception of the first two chapters， the book is succinct and comprehensive in describing its ideas and how to apply them。
Oliver
，
Read Dale Carnegie instead if you want to become better at holding conversations。 Here are the main techniques and skills for having difficult conversations from this book:1。 ABC skills: agree， build compare2。 Instil accountability （make people live up to agreements）3。 Create paths to actions4。 Calm the f down - take a break; start with your heart; avoid fool's choice。5。 Learn to look for when crucial conversations begin and how people react。6。 Make it safe for the dialogue to continue;7。 Seek f Read Dale Carnegie instead if you want to become better at holding conversations。 Here are the main techniques and skills for having difficult conversations from this book:1。 ABC skills: agree， build compare2。 Instil accountability （make people live up to agreements）3。 Create paths to actions4。 Calm the f down - take a break; start with your heart; avoid fool's choice。5。 Learn to look for when crucial conversations begin and how people react。6。 Make it safe for the dialogue to continue;7。 Seek for agreement in a dialogue: mutual purpose; mutual respect; pool of shared meaning;8。 AMPP: Ask， Mirror， Paraphrase， Prime9。 Listen to understand; ask questions10。 State your path when entering a dialogue11。 Creative dialogue technique - CRIB: Commit， Recognise， Invent， BrainstormThat's it。 You don't have to read it。 。。。more
Azeem Putra
，