If We Break: A Memoir of Marriage, Addiction, and Healing
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- Create Date：2022-07-30 06:51:46
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Kathleen Buhle
- ISBN：0593241053
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Summary
Kathleen Buhle shares her story of resilience and self-discovery after her marriage to Hunter Biden unraveled in the wake of substance abuse and infidelity in this intimate， astonishing memoir。
This is not a story about good versus evil。 Or who was right。 Or who was better。 For decades， Kathleen Buhle chose to play the role of the good wife， beginning when， as a naïve young woman from a working-class family on the South Side of Chicago， she met the dashing son of a senator at the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in Oregon。 Within months of falling in love， Kathleen found herself pregnant and engaged， living a life beyond anything she’d ever known。
Determined to build her family on a foundation of love， Kathleen was convinced her and Hunter’s commitment to each other could overcome any obstacle。 But when Hunter’s drinking evolved into dependency， she was forced to learn how rapidly and irrevocably a marriage can fall apart under the merciless power of addiction。 When the lies became insurmountable， Kathleen was forced to reckon with the compromises she had made to try to save her marriage。 She wondered if she could survive on her own。
The result is a memoir that is page-turning and heart-breaking。 Here Kathleen asks why she kept so much hidden—from her daughters and herself—for so many years， why she became dependent on one man， and why she was more faithful to a vow of secrecy than to her own truth。 This inspiring chronicle of radical honesty and self-actualization speaks to women who have lost part of their identity and want to reclaim it。
This is not a story about good versus evil。 Or who was right。 Or who was better。 For decades， Kathleen Buhle chose to play the role of the good wife， beginning when， as a naïve young woman from a working-class family on the South Side of Chicago， she met the dashing son of a senator at the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in Oregon。 Within months of falling in love， Kathleen found herself pregnant and engaged， living a life beyond anything she’d ever known。
Determined to build her family on a foundation of love， Kathleen was convinced her and Hunter’s commitment to each other could overcome any obstacle。 But when Hunter’s drinking evolved into dependency， she was forced to learn how rapidly and irrevocably a marriage can fall apart under the merciless power of addiction。 When the lies became insurmountable， Kathleen was forced to reckon with the compromises she had made to try to save her marriage。 She wondered if she could survive on her own。
The result is a memoir that is page-turning and heart-breaking。 Here Kathleen asks why she kept so much hidden—from her daughters and herself—for so many years， why she became dependent on one man， and why she was more faithful to a vow of secrecy than to her own truth。 This inspiring chronicle of radical honesty and self-actualization speaks to women who have lost part of their identity and want to reclaim it。
Reviews
Beth
，
If you are looking for a memoir with dirt， this probably isn’t what you are looking for。 I kinda was， and I had only planned on listening for a few hours today， but as the story went on， I was drawn in for the honesty and emotion the author puts in。 Yes， I was saying “lady， this guy is a complete cad and loser” but I could tell （and cringe at the thought！） that she loved this man。 She even manages to make the reader a little sympathetic to her husband， if only for a few moments at the closeness If you are looking for a memoir with dirt， this probably isn’t what you are looking for。 I kinda was， and I had only planned on listening for a few hours today， but as the story went on， I was drawn in for the honesty and emotion the author puts in。 Yes， I was saying “lady， this guy is a complete cad and loser” but I could tell （and cringe at the thought！） that she loved this man。 She even manages to make the reader a little sympathetic to her husband， if only for a few moments at the closeness and loss of his brother。 But yeah， gross let’s think about that love of his brother and the fact that he slept with his brothers widow。 I laughed when Kathleen was on her first date after divorce and told the guy she was definitely not getting back with her ex and gave him the reason。 Anyway， I was going to tap out if there was any mention of politics or lectures about democrat policy and there was NONE of that。 This is strictly a personal memoir and an honest look at a very troubled marriage and relationship and a little inside into the absolute MESS that is Hunter Biden。 This is a very well done memoir。 。。。more
Clarisse Peralta
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3。5 stars rounded up。 I practically jumped this morning when I saw Kathleen’s eldest daughter’s Instagram story on her mom’s new book！ I breezed through this， not only because it was a compelling read but also （and mostly） due to my curiosity。 Despite not knowing previously what she went through in detail， I always had immense respect for Kathleen’s ability to endure and stand by Hunter throughout his addiction。 While reading his memoir， I often wondered what she thought and felt， in disbelief t 3。5 stars rounded up。 I practically jumped this morning when I saw Kathleen’s eldest daughter’s Instagram story on her mom’s new book！ I breezed through this， not only because it was a compelling read but also （and mostly） due to my curiosity。 Despite not knowing previously what she went through in detail， I always had immense respect for Kathleen’s ability to endure and stand by Hunter throughout his addiction。 While reading his memoir， I often wondered what she thought and felt， in disbelief that they remained married for as long as they did。 Finally hearing her side feels like she has found her authentic voice。 I sympathized with her during Part II of the book that by the end I was just so relieved she managed to start anew。 As it takes courage to revisit the deep wounds of the past， it’s truly admirable how she was able to write this from a place of true healing and forgiveness。 I’m glad that she shared her story because now outsiders like me have a better understanding of her marriage than what was painted in the media， as well as based on impressions from Hunter’s memoir。 I sincerely wish Kathleen the very best， and hope that all of life’s hardships are behind her。 。。。more
Bailey
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3。5 rounded up to 4。 This is such a heartbreaking tale of addiction that will break your heart。 Since it is from Buhle's perspective， you see how it addiction deeply effects the loved ones of the addict。 I do not have anyone close to me who is an addict， so I would be very interested in hearing the perspective of someone who has first hand experience with this topic。I would also be interested to see the pushback on this book because I don't read very many political books and I am sure that there 3。5 rounded up to 4。 This is such a heartbreaking tale of addiction that will break your heart。 Since it is from Buhle's perspective， you see how it addiction deeply effects the loved ones of the addict。 I do not have anyone close to me who is an addict， so I would be very interested in hearing the perspective of someone who has first hand experience with this topic。I would also be interested to see the pushback on this book because I don't read very many political books and I am sure that there is controversy on the truth of Buhle's perspective of the story。 I believe Buhle's side but I also haven't heard anything from the other side。The part of this book that gave it its name was truly such a beautiful summary of the story。TW: Addiction， Infidelity， Emotional AbuseThank you to Penguin Random House Audio for the audiobook copy for this one！ 。。。more
Vincent Triola
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This book， directly and indirectly， provides a rare view of patriarchy， Christianity， and privilege we often don't see。 Buhle's ability to detach and write with objectivity clarifies this view which at times is brutally honest。 I gave the book five stars for being well-written and thought-provoking。 My book discussion details my review with more depth。 This book， directly and indirectly， provides a rare view of patriarchy， Christianity， and privilege we often don't see。 Buhle's ability to detach and write with objectivity clarifies this view which at times is brutally honest。 I gave the book five stars for being well-written and thought-provoking。 My book discussion details my review with more depth。 。。。more
Kelly
，
Read this in an evening。 It was very well written and an easy read。 I do feel she glossed over a lot of the issues she covered， so you feel like you only received half the story。 Then again， she really did stick her head in the sand a lot during their marriage。 She also relied on everyone else but herself when it came to her problems， which I think she came to realize by the end。 If anyone is looking for any dirt on anyone other than Hunter， you won't find it。 She sticks to talk of their marriag Read this in an evening。 It was very well written and an easy read。 I do feel she glossed over a lot of the issues she covered， so you feel like you only received half the story。 Then again， she really did stick her head in the sand a lot during their marriage。 She also relied on everyone else but herself when it came to her problems， which I think she came to realize by the end。 If anyone is looking for any dirt on anyone other than Hunter， you won't find it。 She sticks to talk of their marriage and his alcohol and drug abuse。 There is very little about the President except the perks he comes with， which is a bit nauseating。 。。。more
Rita
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Riveting。 I read this in a day！ Kudos to the author for a brave， honest account of her marriage and the courage she found to heal。
Laurel
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Great description of living with an addict and the author's co-dependent response。 Very frustrating at times to read how much she put up with before she finally broke。 I wanted to scream "Al Anon" at her so many times。 I suppose with the political spotlight on them， it was hard to admit what was going on。 But man， she went through some things。 I'm glad she finally got out。 Great description of living with an addict and the author's co-dependent response。 Very frustrating at times to read how much she put up with before she finally broke。 I wanted to scream "Al Anon" at her so many times。 I suppose with the political spotlight on them， it was hard to admit what was going on。 But man， she went through some things。 I'm glad she finally got out。 。。。more
Audrey Boochever
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Incredible， powerful read
Kimberly Ragan
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Biden shameThe Biden family should feel shame for all the evil they have done to this family。 Hunter is obviously a sick individual who needs help， but is indulged by a father who is negligent， careless and without a clue as to what it means to be a parent。 How this man could think he could run a family， let alone a nation is reprehensible！！！
Judy
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Outstanding memoir。 Truly one of the best I have read。 I especially loved how she chose to give up the Biden name， which was a shield and a source of privilege。 She needed to become her own person。
Carole
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This was a fast easy to read memoir and seemed very heartfelt and forthright。 There is a lot that I would like to have read about that was left out of this， like how did the whole family deal with the Hallie situation -- but that actually isn't part of Kathleen's story anyway。 I felt a lot of empathy for Kathleen's codependency with Hunter， who is or was an addict/alcoholic and with trouble maintaining sobriety。 It took her years to stop trying to make him sober; it can't be done。 And， having re This was a fast easy to read memoir and seemed very heartfelt and forthright。 There is a lot that I would like to have read about that was left out of this， like how did the whole family deal with the Hallie situation -- but that actually isn't part of Kathleen's story anyway。 I felt a lot of empathy for Kathleen's codependency with Hunter， who is or was an addict/alcoholic and with trouble maintaining sobriety。 It took her years to stop trying to make him sober; it can't be done。 And， having read Hunter Biden's memoir last year （or the year before？）， she clearly was not exaggerating; his memoir made his addiction very clear。Thankfully， it sounds as if her daughters are terrific people and good support -- although she is a person who tries to put everything into the best possible light， we can hope this is truly the case。 And her Chicago family and friends sound very supportive。 She is a lucky woman in that regard， and I wish her good health。 。。。more
Camey Andersen
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 If you have deal with a family member’s addiction， you will appreciate this story， how the author tries to keep her family together through unimaginable obstacles， and in the end， moves forward。
Kelly
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I haven't read a book so fast in a long time。 I've see the headlines。 I know how it ends。 But reading it in her own words was powerful。 I felt as if I was riding along with her on this journey of love and loss。 My heart hurt for her so bad as she tried to save her marriage and I cried when her daughters told her about their dad's affair with their aunt。 OMG！ I'm so glad she's reclaiming her life and her last name。 Who needs the Bidens？！！！ （I just have to add she doesn't not trash her ex in-laws I haven't read a book so fast in a long time。 I've see the headlines。 I know how it ends。 But reading it in her own words was powerful。 I felt as if I was riding along with her on this journey of love and loss。 My heart hurt for her so bad as she tried to save her marriage and I cried when her daughters told her about their dad's affair with their aunt。 OMG！ I'm so glad she's reclaiming her life and her last name。 Who needs the Bidens？！！！ （I just have to add she doesn't not trash her ex in-laws and is very classy but it didn't change my opinion of Hunter or the Bidens， just solidified it） And a suggestion for the author: read THE LAPTOP FROM HELL by Miranda Devine if she wants to know what her husband was doing when she claimed to not know anything of his business dealings or his time in 'rehab'！ Reading these two books simultaneously has been eye opening to say the least！ 。。。more
Leisha Shanklin
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Truthful and delicately told…If you have experienced an addict in your life you “get” her instantly。 You root for her。 You understand the struggle to save someone you love when they are unwilling to save themselves。 If you haven’t loved an addict it may make you think she’s crazy for putting up with all she did。 Heartbroken she didn’t get the happy ending she wanted and deserved but so amazed at how she came through it all！ Great read！
Ethnea Ferguson
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So beautifully written。 What a strong woman。 You've got to give her credit - She's gonna be OK。 So beautifully written。 What a strong woman。 You've got to give her credit - She's gonna be OK。 。。。more
Johanna Nauraine
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Wonderful memoirI loved the honesty in this story。 I am a retired psychotherapist who specialized in alcoholism treatment and this memoir does such a great job of describing the impact addiction has on marriages and families。
Chloe
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This is such a good read。 I picked it up because reading about other people’s drama is always an escape， and I couldn’t put it down。 Kathleen is a good writer in the sense that her memoir is a quick read and easy to follow， and she does not bash Hunter。 If you’re looking for someone to tell you how awful he is and how much you should hate him， this isn’t the book。 I like that。 Her children seem to very much have a relationship with him， and I think she believes what the two of them had was real。 This is such a good read。 I picked it up because reading about other people’s drama is always an escape， and I couldn’t put it down。 Kathleen is a good writer in the sense that her memoir is a quick read and easy to follow， and she does not bash Hunter。 If you’re looking for someone to tell you how awful he is and how much you should hate him， this isn’t the book。 I like that。 Her children seem to very much have a relationship with him， and I think she believes what the two of them had was real。 You not only get to know her but also her girls。 Knowing everything they’ve been through makes me appreciate their grace in the public eye and closeness to their family so much more。 Just the other day Naomi posted about her baby half brother。 That woman has class。Though the book is not political （I’d recommend it to anyone）， it makes me wonder about all the first and second families。 We know they’ve all had their problems， but it makes me truly wish the best for all the in laws and children who innocently （keyword: innocently） got dragged into it all。 。。。more
Jennifer
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This was really bad， and none of it is anyone's business。 This was really bad， and none of it is anyone's business。 。。。more
Jason Park
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Good biography ， but boy is she spoiled。 Do you know how many women wouldConsider it a privilege and grateful to be a stay at home mom？ Also， Biden family have destroyed America just like hunter destroyed his family！
Ginny Hanson
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A very sad well written book Glad I read it even though it was a painful read
Sherry Lynn Wood
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From Buhle to Biden to BuhleIf I'm being honest I didn't expect to like this book。 I am not a Biden fan。 In fact just the opposite。 But I was compelled to read this book。 I'm so glad I did。 Its not about politics but about real life and the seasons of life and a marriage。 Honestly I give the author credit for handling herself with grace and poise and for finding her way out of a public humiliation and on top of that a cancer battle。 Her daughters sound like solid young ladies who keep mom in che From Buhle to Biden to BuhleIf I'm being honest I didn't expect to like this book。 I am not a Biden fan。 In fact just the opposite。 But I was compelled to read this book。 I'm so glad I did。 Its not about politics but about real life and the seasons of life and a marriage。 Honestly I give the author credit for handling herself with grace and poise and for finding her way out of a public humiliation and on top of that a cancer battle。 Her daughters sound like solid young ladies who keep mom in check。 I rarely give a 5 star rating but I took a lot away from this read。 。。。more
Dee
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Read this on the recommendation of a friend。 I'm not all that fond of "tell all" memoirs， but Buhle managed for the most part to walk the line between TMI and true introspection。 Much as I wanted to "shake her" when she was blind to her own part in the negative dynamics of her marriage （a part she never did completely seem to grasp！）， I found her honesty refreshing。 Read this on the recommendation of a friend。 I'm not all that fond of "tell all" memoirs， but Buhle managed for the most part to walk the line between TMI and true introspection。 Much as I wanted to "shake her" when she was blind to her own part in the negative dynamics of her marriage （a part she never did completely seem to grasp！）， I found her honesty refreshing。 。。。more
Patricia Baker
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liked the cover of this book。 her marriage was somewhat doomed from the beginning as there were differences in life style and life expectations。 she was caught in that era where the wife had to follow the guidance of her husband almost blindly。 this applies to the financial part of the marriage which would probably never be done today。 in her favor were her parents who loved her without any care for financial gain。 can only wish all the best to her in her future life。
Jennifer
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This is the story of Hunter Biden's first wife， mother of his three girls。 But it's so much more than that。 It's a coming of age love story， then one of crisis and redemption。 It's Kathleen Buhle taking back her story。 She writes so vulnerably and beautifully about it。 This is the story of Hunter Biden's first wife， mother of his three girls。 But it's so much more than that。 It's a coming of age love story， then one of crisis and redemption。 It's Kathleen Buhle taking back her story。 She writes so vulnerably and beautifully about it。 。。。more
Tracey
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Kathleen survived The Bidens。 America？ Not so much。
Kay
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Listened to the audiobook。 Excellent narration。 This story frustrated me greatly。 I understand wanting to give your marriage every chance and not give up too easily HOWEVER the writing was on the wall in BIG， BOLD letters over and over and over。 She should have left Hunter long ago。 It became utterly ridiculous to keep reading how she ignored and made excuses for his behavior。 I’m glad she FINALLY left him。 Geez。
Claire
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This was a very real， difficult read considering it is authored by the former daughter-in-law of President Biden。 It evoked a wide range of emotions in me， mostly admiration for the courageous author。
Karen
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I always find it difficult to rate someone’s personal story， but this account was respectfully written by her and for her。 Finally， Kathleen’s side of the story was revealed as the trauma inflicted on her and her children has been conveniently tucked away。 Exposing her codependency as well as the complexities of dealing with and caring for an addict （as damaging as the addiction itself）， welcome empathy。 The account left me with a lot of questions， but ultimately it’s Kathleen’s story to tell an I always find it difficult to rate someone’s personal story， but this account was respectfully written by her and for her。 Finally， Kathleen’s side of the story was revealed as the trauma inflicted on her and her children has been conveniently tucked away。 Exposing her codependency as well as the complexities of dealing with and caring for an addict （as damaging as the addiction itself）， welcome empathy。 The account left me with a lot of questions， but ultimately it’s Kathleen’s story to tell and she gets to take control of what she wants to share。 。。。more
Adele Verkamp
，
A must read for anyone who desires to understand the effects of alcohol and/or drug addiction on families， relationships and the individual who is suffering。 At the same time， power， privilege and celebrity status enjoyed by politicians certainly has negative drawbacks on the same families， relationships and the individuals in power。 Listening to Kathleen Buhle gave me greater insight in her as a person who took the initiative to reclaim her own identity。 She deserves the pride of individual res A must read for anyone who desires to understand the effects of alcohol and/or drug addiction on families， relationships and the individual who is suffering。 At the same time， power， privilege and celebrity status enjoyed by politicians certainly has negative drawbacks on the same families， relationships and the individuals in power。 Listening to Kathleen Buhle gave me greater insight in her as a person who took the initiative to reclaim her own identity。 She deserves the pride of individual responsibility， the fulfillment of peace and content and a future of good health and happiness。 。。。more
Samantha
，