Girlhood
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- Create Date：2022-07-05 09:51:55
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Melissa Febos
- ISBN：1635579317
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Summary
National Book Critics Circle Award Winner
National Bestseller
Lambda Literary Award Finalist
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY TIME * NPR * The Washington Post * Kirkus Reviews * Washington Independent Review of Books * The Millions * Electric Literature * Ms Magazine * Entropy Magazine * Largehearted Boy * Passerbuys
“Irreverent and original。” –New York Times
“Magisterial。” –The New Yorker
“An intoxicating writer。” –The Atlantic
“A classic！” –Mary Karr
“A true light in the dark。” –Stephanie Danler
“An essential， heartbreaking project。” –Carmen Maria Machado
A gripping set of stories about the forces that shape girls and the adults they become。 A wise and brilliant guide to transforming the self and our society。
In her powerful new book， critically acclaimed author Melissa Febos examines the narratives women are told about what it means to be female and what it takes to free oneself from them。
When her body began to change at eleven years old， Febos understood immediately that her meaning to other people had changed with it。 By her teens， she defined herself based on these perceptions and by the romantic relationships she threw herself into headlong。 Over time， Febos increasingly questioned the stories she'd been told about herself and the habits and defenses she'd developed over years of trying to meet others' expectations。 The values she and so many other women had learned in girlhood did not prioritize their personal safety， happiness， or freedom， and she set out to reframe those values and beliefs。
Blending investigative reporting， memoir， and scholarship， Febos charts how she and others like her have reimagined relationships and made room for the anger， grief， power， and pleasure women have long been taught to deny。
Written with Febos' characteristic precision， lyricism， and insight， Girlhood is a philosophical treatise， an anthem for women， and a searing study of the transitions into and away from girlhood， toward a chosen self。
National Bestseller
Lambda Literary Award Finalist
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY TIME * NPR * The Washington Post * Kirkus Reviews * Washington Independent Review of Books * The Millions * Electric Literature * Ms Magazine * Entropy Magazine * Largehearted Boy * Passerbuys
“Irreverent and original。” –New York Times
“Magisterial。” –The New Yorker
“An intoxicating writer。” –The Atlantic
“A classic！” –Mary Karr
“A true light in the dark。” –Stephanie Danler
“An essential， heartbreaking project。” –Carmen Maria Machado
A gripping set of stories about the forces that shape girls and the adults they become。 A wise and brilliant guide to transforming the self and our society。
In her powerful new book， critically acclaimed author Melissa Febos examines the narratives women are told about what it means to be female and what it takes to free oneself from them。
When her body began to change at eleven years old， Febos understood immediately that her meaning to other people had changed with it。 By her teens， she defined herself based on these perceptions and by the romantic relationships she threw herself into headlong。 Over time， Febos increasingly questioned the stories she'd been told about herself and the habits and defenses she'd developed over years of trying to meet others' expectations。 The values she and so many other women had learned in girlhood did not prioritize their personal safety， happiness， or freedom， and she set out to reframe those values and beliefs。
Blending investigative reporting， memoir， and scholarship， Febos charts how she and others like her have reimagined relationships and made room for the anger， grief， power， and pleasure women have long been taught to deny。
Written with Febos' characteristic precision， lyricism， and insight， Girlhood is a philosophical treatise， an anthem for women， and a searing study of the transitions into and away from girlhood， toward a chosen self。
Reviews
Bethann
，
I started reading this in summer 2021， but was suddenly caught up in a personal tragedy that forced me to put the book aside。 I knew it was going to be a beautiful read， having read a couple of the essays already， but it was too sharp and painful for me to absorb concurrently with what I was experiencing。 I wasn't ready to pick it up again until now， almost a full year later。 I'm glad that I took the time I needed before going back to it。 Febos is a beautiful writer and very neatly captures the I started reading this in summer 2021， but was suddenly caught up in a personal tragedy that forced me to put the book aside。 I knew it was going to be a beautiful read， having read a couple of the essays already， but it was too sharp and painful for me to absorb concurrently with what I was experiencing。 I wasn't ready to pick it up again until now， almost a full year later。 I'm glad that I took the time I needed before going back to it。 Febos is a beautiful writer and very neatly captures the burden and pain of being a woman， even in the "post-feminist" era。 The essays that resonated most were "Thesmophoria，" about her intricate relationship with her mother， and "Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself，" the essay that introduced me to this author， about a cuddle party （but really about consent）。 I look forward to reading more of Febos's work。 。。。more
Amy Mahoney
，
This book！ It ignited something raw and real inside me and will not let go。 I’m not even sure how to describe it: equal parts memoir and journalism and scholarly pondering and social critique。 I can say that it is not a book for everyone， but it was absolutely a book that has changed and will continue to change me。
jackie dayn
，
So remarkably beautiful。 Every essay better written than the previous。 “The Mirror Test” and “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself” were my personal favorites。 The concluding remarks of the last essay were some of the most stunning I’ve ever read and I believe this book is extremely relevant for every woman and girl especially with the passing of female oppressing laws， bills and words in the press recently。
Catherine Porter
，
smart memoir-in-essays about girlhood and what it means to grow up in a body that is never really yours alone。 excited to read Body Work next 3。5 stars！
Catherine Porter
，
smart memoir-in-essays about girlhood and what it means to grow up in a body that is never yours alone。 will be reading Body Work next3。5 stars
Trinity Shaya
，
A wonderful book that gives space for reflection on women's experiences + other feminist issues。 Despite some chapters having long-winded analogies or tangents， I would highly recommend this book- it deepened my perception on several feminist issues and encouraged me to listen to my body/ what I actually want when having interactions with others， rather than trying to please others。 A must read！！ A wonderful book that gives space for reflection on women's experiences + other feminist issues。 Despite some chapters having long-winded analogies or tangents， I would highly recommend this book- it deepened my perception on several feminist issues and encouraged me to listen to my body/ what I actually want when having interactions with others， rather than trying to please others。 A must read！！ 。。。more
Kenzie
，
Wow
Romane
，
Every man and woman （especially man） should read this book。 I underlined the whole book， it’s very smartly written， making it both accessible but also very interesting in its format
Kelsey
，
The gritty， real， smart， and feminist set of essays housed in this book floor me。 Febos’ honesty is often harrowing with her experience in sex work， drugs， and sexuality to where it can be hard to read。 Even with the time it took to get through this book （mostly as I was re-reading essays to uncover more and more truth about myself）， this is a must read for all women who struggles with their coming of age story。
Laura
，
Hard to read at times for its truths about growing up and living in this world as a woman。 Though my life experience is vastly different from the author’s， she puts words to feelings that I never consciously processed， but have certainly felt。 Worth the read。
April R
，
Thought provokingThis book was really good。 I guess I didn't read the synopsis very well; it was not what I was expecting at all。 The experiences and lessons learned were very timely， especially for this time in which a woman doesn't have control over her own body。 Thought provokingThis book was really good。 I guess I didn't read the synopsis very well; it was not what I was expecting at all。 The experiences and lessons learned were very timely， especially for this time in which a woman doesn't have control over her own body。 。。。more
avital
，
i encourage everyone to read this！！ Melissa Febos writes about her experiences from girlhood to adulthood and the experiences of other women through these periods of their lives through stories of the male gaze， consent， puberty， feminity， race， sexuality and much more， in a way that will touch all who read。 also， this book couldn’t be more relavant to the recent overturn of Roe V。 Wade， and presents the reality of the modernization of patriarchal power in this country。
Michael Clancy
，
Unusual and enthralling book at least for a while。 Eventually it just gets old。 I loved reading it at first as her style of writing was unique。 So many unusual things。 A Cuddle Party has to be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of and yes creepy too。 My main problem with the book is the fact that she makes me feel like she hates all men and thinks we are all perverted female degrading assholes。 I am sure that to a certain extant there are those out there who are exactly like that。 But I Unusual and enthralling book at least for a while。 Eventually it just gets old。 I loved reading it at first as her style of writing was unique。 So many unusual things。 A Cuddle Party has to be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of and yes creepy too。 My main problem with the book is the fact that she makes me feel like she hates all men and thinks we are all perverted female degrading assholes。 I am sure that to a certain extant there are those out there who are exactly like that。 But I don't feel like one and I am sure that many other men and many women too don't feel like we are all that way。 Some of us are actually human。 Anyhow after about 241 pages of the book I just had to toss it。 I'll pass it along to my cousin， maybe she will like it。 Giving it three stars may be a mistake， my gut wants me to give it only two。 I received a free copy of the book from goodreads for which I am always grateful。 。。。more
Elise Altschuler
，
Different kind of book。 Sometimes tough to follow but found it to be very thought-provoking！
Rachel Knopp
，
loved this book & hope to return to it throughout my life。 every essay was beautiful， although some deeply disturbing。 i appreciated the illustrations that preceded each one。 going into this book i figured that nothing presented would be new， but melissa unlocked deep memories within me from girlhood — and encouraged me to give time and attention to these events that we’d like to move right past。 file this under books to expand your perspective， books to show your daughter one day， and books tha loved this book & hope to return to it throughout my life。 every essay was beautiful， although some deeply disturbing。 i appreciated the illustrations that preceded each one。 going into this book i figured that nothing presented would be new， but melissa unlocked deep memories within me from girlhood — and encouraged me to give time and attention to these events that we’d like to move right past。 file this under books to expand your perspective， books to show your daughter one day， and books that are evergreen。 。。。more
Kara Daniel
，
I feel like I’ve been （unknowingly） waiting for a book like this all my life。 Febos really captures all the feelings and experiences that women wrestle against in such a raw and brutal， yet warming tone。 There were times I forgot this was a memoir and felt myself resonating so deeply。 I wish I could go back in time and read “The Mirror Test” and “Wild America” to my younger self and speak to her with the compassion that Febos has found。 A book that all people should read- yes men included！！！ - e I feel like I’ve been （unknowingly） waiting for a book like this all my life。 Febos really captures all the feelings and experiences that women wrestle against in such a raw and brutal， yet warming tone。 There were times I forgot this was a memoir and felt myself resonating so deeply。 I wish I could go back in time and read “The Mirror Test” and “Wild America” to my younger self and speak to her with the compassion that Febos has found。 A book that all people should read- yes men included！！！ - especially “Intrusions” and “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself。” I have never reviewed a book so in depth before… I would give it 6 stars if I could- Highly recommend！！！ 。。。more
Miriam
，
For some reason I was going to give Girlhood 4 stars but it is so perfectly written it has to get the full 5。 Melissa Febos is so powerfully articulate and the topics discussed are so sensitively yet loudly confronted。
anna grace
，
4。5 stars very powerful essay collection。 read in one sitting。 very skillfully captures the female experience。 would recommend to anyone
Rennie
，
Really good and pretty unputdownable， but another reviewer already said it better than me that it's a little Iowa Writers Workshop-y。 I think that's my issue with her writing in general; it can be absolutely gorgeous and sublime and then veers into very Iowa-y territory。 Some of it can also drag on uncomfortably long - I was ready for the consent/cuddle party one to end much sooner， although that may say more about my own feelings and experience around the fairly traumatic issue of consent。But t Really good and pretty unputdownable， but another reviewer already said it better than me that it's a little Iowa Writers Workshop-y。 I think that's my issue with her writing in general; it can be absolutely gorgeous and sublime and then veers into very Iowa-y territory。 Some of it can also drag on uncomfortably long - I was ready for the consent/cuddle party one to end much sooner， although that may say more about my own feelings and experience around the fairly traumatic issue of consent。But this gave me so much to think about， and she puts words to some universal experiences while also providing the simple acknowledgement that some of these things can't be described。 。。。more
Carly
，
So happy I read this book。 I did enjoy some of the essays more than others so I’m giving it 4 stars but wow some aspects were incredible
Tammy
，
This books gave me the language to describe a lot of the weird shit that women experience in relation to men。
Morgan
，
Incredible， one of the best essay collections I’ve read。 Melissa Febos’s writing crackles with life and compassion， but also hard truths about cruelty and pain。 I love how she touches on her experiences with addiction and sex work while synthesizing them with broader literature， interviews， and other cultural touchstones。 The final two essays were astonishing。 Thank You For Taking Care of Yourself is probably the best writing about consent， emotional labor， and women’s desire I’ve ever read。 Les Incredible， one of the best essay collections I’ve read。 Melissa Febos’s writing crackles with life and compassion， but also hard truths about cruelty and pain。 I love how she touches on her experiences with addiction and sex work while synthesizing them with broader literature， interviews， and other cultural touchstones。 The final two essays were astonishing。 Thank You For Taking Care of Yourself is probably the best writing about consent， emotional labor， and women’s desire I’ve ever read。 Les Calanques made me cry because of how tender and beautiful it was， juxtaposing two trips to France that Febos took at very different times in her life。Febos is an skilled writer and I loved the way she wove together disparate stories and topics into cohesive essays。 She is a master of craft， confidently claiming each essay and form， and I cannot wait to read more from her。 （I loved her other short essay collection Body Work too） 。。。more
Tracy
，
Wowowow a beautiful excavating of unlearning what many girls have been taught about interactions， consent， our bodies。"Part of learning to receive things is learning to do so when you haven’t even asked for them。 To let love sneak up on you with its warm splash of light and just stand there squinting。 It can be a lot to take。 I stood there for a minute， not sure if I was going to cry。 I didn’t。 We kept walking。" （125）"I am not interested in defining my experiences as wounds so much as in examini Wowowow a beautiful excavating of unlearning what many girls have been taught about interactions， consent， our bodies。"Part of learning to receive things is learning to do so when you haven’t even asked for them。 To let love sneak up on you with its warm splash of light and just stand there squinting。 It can be a lot to take。 I stood there for a minute， not sure if I was going to cry。 I didn’t。 We kept walking。" （125）"I am not interested in defining my experiences as wounds so much as in examining their consequences。" （198）"Sometimes our best efforts at self-preservation look like a kind of violence。" （306） Oh my god the touchstone ending in France—"striking oneself against things to understand value"。 I closed my laptop so gently after typing the last quote。 A thoughtfulness in navigating， in movement。 I strike again a lyra to understand my abilities。 。。。more
Taylor
，
It was 。。。。 so nice to read about many of the feelings I feel as a woman but have never been given a place or words to understand them。 Thank you Melissa Febos for sharing your difficult stories in the hopes that other girls can understand theirs
Courtney Melenchek
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I am not a person with triggers， but I found this book to be a bit anxiety inducing。 I agreed with many of the author’s revelations though。
Sara
，
“we are like cicadas， I want to tell her。 When we rise from the ground， we shed our old bodies， but we don’t forget them。” I am going to be thinking about this book for awhile and it’s a definite reread。 So many parts just punched me in the stomach。
Mia Nelson
，
Beautifully written， very erudite and personal。 I liked how all of these stories interacted/spoke to each-other。 Can’t give it 5 stars just because it took so long to get through。
kenzie
，
"at twelve I already had a body like those women in the magazines， but it was no prize and they offered me no congratulations。 it was a race that I had won without trying， and to win it was the greatest loss of all。" 4/5 stars; there were so many things I liked about this book。 I think every woman can relate to some aspect of this book at least once in their life， and that both eases my anxiety of feeling like the only one and also terrifies me。 how is it that we all have similar experiences li "at twelve I already had a body like those women in the magazines， but it was no prize and they offered me no congratulations。 it was a race that I had won without trying， and to win it was the greatest loss of all。" 4/5 stars; there were so many things I liked about this book。 I think every woman can relate to some aspect of this book at least once in their life， and that both eases my anxiety of feeling like the only one and also terrifies me。 how is it that we all have similar experiences like these and we all just agree that its "just a part of life"？ reading it in black and white， there's no question that the way men treated these women in their lives was wrong and horrifying， but it keeps happening。 we keep demonizing women for speaking up about these offenses to preserve the man's image？ reputation？ what？ we lose so much of ourselves when we are continuously guided to protect those who harm us。 "oh you're probably just reading into it？" "he's just being friendly。" "he's like that with everyone， you're not special。" and the worst part about it is that its the women who have gone through the very same thing who raise their daughters to accept the same abuse。 if not accept， tolerate it and move on， never questioning or crying out about the injustice of it all。 after finishing this novel， I am deeply depressed and know most men are nothing but a disappointment。 。。。more
Betsy
，
I respect this author。 A lot。 I am patiently waiting for my copy of her latest， Body Work， to become available at the library。 Yet for reasons that I’m still trying to sort out， I didn’t connect with this collection of essays in the way I hoped。 Maybe I’m just not in an F-the-patriarchy mood？ Even though I do believe F the patriarchy。 Perhaps I found the essay structure too formulaic？ Didn’t dig the many mythology references？ Something else？ Unsure。
Emily Barton
，
A very intense and visceral dissection of the experience of existing as a girl and woman。 Not exactly enjoyable， but very thought-provoking。 Should probably be required reading for men。
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Girlhood
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Girlhood&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft
The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Girlhood&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0