How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--From Tots to Teens
- Downloads：4333
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-06-28 06:52:00
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Melinda Wenner Moyer
- ISBN：0593086953
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a clear， actionable， sometimes humorous （but always science-based） guide for parents on how to shape their kids into honest， kind， generous， confident， independent， and resilient people。。。who just might save the world one day。
On social media， in the news， and from the highest levels of government， kids are increasingly getting the message that being selfish， obnoxious and cruel is okay。 We know， of course， that young people have the capacity for great empathy， resilience， and action， and we all want to bring up kids who will help build a better tomorrow。 But how do we actually do this？
How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a deeply researched， evidence-based primer that provides a fresh， often surprising perspective on parenting issues， from toddlerhood through the teenage years。 Science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer outlines the traits we want our children to possess--including honesty， generosity， and antiracism--and then she provides scientifically-based strategies that will help parents instill those characteristics in their kids。 Learn how to raise the kind of kids you actually want to hang out with--and who just might save the world。
On social media， in the news， and from the highest levels of government， kids are increasingly getting the message that being selfish， obnoxious and cruel is okay。 We know， of course， that young people have the capacity for great empathy， resilience， and action， and we all want to bring up kids who will help build a better tomorrow。 But how do we actually do this？
How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes is a deeply researched， evidence-based primer that provides a fresh， often surprising perspective on parenting issues， from toddlerhood through the teenage years。 Science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer outlines the traits we want our children to possess--including honesty， generosity， and antiracism--and then she provides scientifically-based strategies that will help parents instill those characteristics in their kids。 Learn how to raise the kind of kids you actually want to hang out with--and who just might save the world。
Reviews
Gwendolyn B。
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For those of us who obsessed over parenting books while our older children were still babies， this book is basically the most popular modern parenting advice repackaged as an amalgamation of the author's favorite parenting gurus and decorated with a pseudo-edgy title that you'll inevitably end up having to explain to your literate children。 （"Seriously， Mom？ THAT'S what you're reading？" "Oh honey。 You know I don't think you're an asshole 。 。 。 "） Helpful: * The emphasis on effort over "natural" For those of us who obsessed over parenting books while our older children were still babies， this book is basically the most popular modern parenting advice repackaged as an amalgamation of the author's favorite parenting gurus and decorated with a pseudo-edgy title that you'll inevitably end up having to explain to your literate children。 （"Seriously， Mom？ THAT'S what you're reading？" "Oh honey。 You know I don't think you're an asshole 。 。 。 "） Helpful: * The emphasis on effort over "natural" ability as a key motivator for kids。* Reminders to continually reinforce empathy by letting your kids know how their behavior affects others。 * The sheer breadth of reading recommendations to add to your trying-to-be-a-better-parent library。* Arming parents with the good words to use when discussing sex， sexuality， pornography， and consent。* Distinguishing between *authoritative* and *authoritarian* parenting。Not helpful:* This is NOT a book for the 1/44 children on the autism spectrum， for whom much of this advice would result in an utter train wreck。* Dismissing counselors who treat pornography addiction as "inaccurate and just "trying to get more clients。" （p。 280） Moyer's evidence for this accusation？ She just cites the personal opinion of Emily Rothman， an occupational therapist with zero mental health credentials。 Or perhaps it was just her own opinion。 （No， Moyer isn't a qualified expert， either）。 （For a more nuanced discussion of the controversy， head to Google Scholar for some fascinating meta-analyses）。 * Moralizing in Chapter 5 about about the importance of staying gender-neutral， （Remember！ Refer to single-sex groups as "kids" instead of girls or boys！） 。 。 。 which sounds compelling until Chapter 11， when discussions about sexuality and consent center around girls-this， boys-that， daughters-this， and sons-that。 （"We need to teach daughters that 。 。 。 "）* Black and white thinking。 As an example， she write in her epilogue about how "there are types of people: those who think that humans are basically good but need guidance and nurturing in order to fare well; and those who think that humans are essentially bad， who need to be controlled and beaten down in order to stay in line。" There's no room here for people of faith， who believe in the concept of original sin AND that the solution is to raise children with love and nurturing。 I'll stop at this example， but this sort of narrow thinking pervades her writing。There are better parenting books out there， but where she helpfully provides a bulleted summary at the end of each chapter， a skim-through wouldn't do parents much harm。 。。。more
Sara Neufeld
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My favorite parenting book， and I've read a lot of them。 If you， like me， spend a lot of time feeling anxious over the state of the world we've brought our children into and how we can raise them to make it better， this is the perfect book。 Melinda presents research-backed suggestions in a highly accessible way while allowing for plenty of grace and error。 The chapter on racism is in my opinion a must-read for all white parents who don't want our kids growing up to be part of the problem we all My favorite parenting book， and I've read a lot of them。 If you， like me， spend a lot of time feeling anxious over the state of the world we've brought our children into and how we can raise them to make it better， this is the perfect book。 Melinda presents research-backed suggestions in a highly accessible way while allowing for plenty of grace and error。 The chapter on racism is in my opinion a must-read for all white parents who don't want our kids growing up to be part of the problem we all live with。 I also got valuable strategies for sibling conflict to screen time to talking about sex。 。。。more
Sasha Zerkin-Trickett
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I don't like parenting books。 They often annoy me。 But the title sucked me in。 I once referred to my toddler on social media as an asshole， and a friend commented that she can't trust anyone who doesn't acknowledge out loud that their children are assholes from time to time。 I completely agree。 I loved this book。 I found things that validated certain parenting decisions my husband and I have made and plan on making， touched upon areas in which we had been questioning the best approach， discussed I don't like parenting books。 They often annoy me。 But the title sucked me in。 I once referred to my toddler on social media as an asshole， and a friend commented that she can't trust anyone who doesn't acknowledge out loud that their children are assholes from time to time。 I completely agree。 I loved this book。 I found things that validated certain parenting decisions my husband and I have made and plan on making， touched upon areas in which we had been questioning the best approach， discussed aspects of parenting that I'm going to have to reflect upon， and also had parts that I think were a bit over the top and in which I don't completely agree。 In other words， this book is ultimately what parenting entails: a messy combination of doing what's best for your family， getting some things right， and screwing up a lot。 Why？ Because we're all human and come with our own baggage， emotions， and personalities。 The author doesn't claim to be an expert。 She simply performed a ton of research performed by the experts and offers scientifically backed strategies which she breaks down into distinct issues parents face and how to best address them based on your child's age （and even personality type）。 She's completely non-judgmental and often gives examples of how she often continues to screw it up。 Because of that human thing。 I listened to the audio and also plan on purchasing a hard copy to reference。 。。。more
Jake
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4/5Great book summarizing many topics about raising children， definitely going to revisit in the future to refresh。 Worth my time for sure。
Fable
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This was a really good book with a lot of great advice！！ If you have kids or are likely to have them， I definitely recommend！ There are some parts I don’t particularly agree with but that is probably just more of a parenting style type thing。 Overall very good and insightful。
Erika McBee
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I almost didn't read this book because I didn't love the title。 I'm so glad that I gave it a chance anyways。 So much parenting advice seems to come from people just shooting from the hip。 Every single recommendation here is based in scientific studies。 Parenting is both an art and a science - and this book is all about the science。 I almost didn't read this book because I didn't love the title。 I'm so glad that I gave it a chance anyways。 So much parenting advice seems to come from people just shooting from the hip。 Every single recommendation here is based in scientific studies。 Parenting is both an art and a science - and this book is all about the science。 。。。more
Elizabeth
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As seen in the Atlantic: https://www。theatlantic。com/ideas/arc。。。 As seen in the Atlantic: https://www。theatlantic。com/ideas/arc。。。 。。。more
Sarah Faulkner
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Appreciated the research behind the recommendations。 Covered a wide range of topics， including personal traits/values （e。g。， gratitude） as well as broader societal ones （e。g。， racism， sexism）。 I listened to this as an audiobook， but feel it would be worthwhile to buy a physical copy to underline， make notes， and refer back to at different ages/stages。
Katie Better
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Very helpful book for a new mother！ I skimmed over a lot of the studies， because once you read the first example I'm like okay I get it， I don't need to read the next ten。 But overall very helpful book。 Very helpful book for a new mother！ I skimmed over a lot of the studies， because once you read the first example I'm like okay I get it， I don't need to read the next ten。 But overall very helpful book。 。。。more
Lynnaea
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Loved this for straightforward， evidence-based advice for approaching several issues with children （e。g。， racism， sexism， sibling rivalry， screentime。。。）。 The tone is compassionate without being saccharine， and serious without being stodgy。 5/5
Breanna Wakar
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I appreciated the succinct advice and studies to back it up
Liesl
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Concise， practical information for parents。 I like how Wenner Moyer breaks the book down into a handful of common problems that today's parents may face and details multiple useful strategies for dealing with each， although many involve using basic common sense。 Although I feel fairly confident that I am on the right path raising my nine-year-old son， this book gave me several ideas of how I can improve my current interactions with him as well as several topics to be aware of in the near future。 Concise， practical information for parents。 I like how Wenner Moyer breaks the book down into a handful of common problems that today's parents may face and details multiple useful strategies for dealing with each， although many involve using basic common sense。 Although I feel fairly confident that I am on the right path raising my nine-year-old son， this book gave me several ideas of how I can improve my current interactions with him as well as several topics to be aware of in the near future。 。。。more
Rebecca
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It’s a shame。 This book had such promise， but absolutely lost me on the chapter on gender。 The author puts a couple who allowed their baby to choose its own gender on a pedestal， as the gold standard。 Also， talking to your four year old about sex？ Pornography is not as bad as parents think？ Big yikes。 Politically charged leftist parenting advice。 Here if you want it。 Personally not for me。
Paola Rudecindo
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This book offers some very helpful insights。 The problem I had is that I’ve read other parenting books that contradicts what she says， an example her talking about screen time。 Both are “science based”… now what book do I trust？ Research can seriously mask anyone’s beliefs and that’s scary！ I still enjoyed the book a lot because it did offer a lot of helpful insights and perspectives I hadn’t considered before like when she talks about sharing and focusing more on kids rather than boys and girls This book offers some very helpful insights。 The problem I had is that I’ve read other parenting books that contradicts what she says， an example her talking about screen time。 Both are “science based”… now what book do I trust？ Research can seriously mask anyone’s beliefs and that’s scary！ I still enjoyed the book a lot because it did offer a lot of helpful insights and perspectives I hadn’t considered before like when she talks about sharing and focusing more on kids rather than boys and girls specifically。 I liked this book a lot， but also took some of what she says with a grain of salt。 Maybe that’s why I enjoy different books。 I pick and choose what I want from each， but mainly I trust how I personally feel about the info provided and worry less about the “science”。 That can be a very contradicting and confusing area。 。。。more
James
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A book that revels in its title and offers some practical， logical tips for thinking through the parenting choices that define our lives （and our children's lives）。 I'm grateful for the thinking represented here， the reality-based advice， even if at times， the anecdotes and writing are a little lacking。 A book that revels in its title and offers some practical， logical tips for thinking through the parenting choices that define our lives （and our children's lives）。 I'm grateful for the thinking represented here， the reality-based advice， even if at times， the anecdotes and writing are a little lacking。 。。。more
Steve
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Writing is clear and not convoluted。 What that being said， it is a rehash of so many other parenting books。
Suzanne
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BEST parenting book I have ever listened to！！！！！ This was recommended by a friend and I am so glad I got this book through my Libby app。 I am， however， going to buy this book from Powell's as it is one I will revisit again and again。 It has so many good ideas and it deals with parenting children throughout many years - littles to teens - on relevant issues。 BEST parenting book I have ever listened to！！！！！ This was recommended by a friend and I am so glad I got this book through my Libby app。 I am， however， going to buy this book from Powell's as it is one I will revisit again and again。 It has so many good ideas and it deals with parenting children throughout many years - littles to teens - on relevant issues。 。。。more
Trent
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I read the first third of this book and stopped。 It does raise some good points that could help me grow as a parent。 However， some of them are common sense， The author also references too many studies to support her key points。 It began to feel like a laundry list of studies。 In my opinion， the premise of the book — raising kind kids — is a good one， but the narrative is not cohesive and therefore is not helpful。
Elizabeth
，
Cheeky title with lots of practical advice！ Skim/read a few chapters at the back so no stars - again I’m too late to this party with an older teen but it would be good for parents of toddlers with an eye on how you want to parent/frame things going forward。
MeganRuth - Alohamora Open a Book
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Solid comprehensive parenting book for parents w kids who are toddlers through school age。 Tons of information and the research to back it。 I’m not sure anything was new and shocking， but at the same time this is something to read multiple times。
Sarah Ressler Wright
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Amazing。 The chapters include discipline， sibling rivalry， race perspectives， sec and pornography， cell phones and technology and more。 Essentially all of my major worries。 I love that she looks at the research and does a meta analysis plus basically reads all the long books and condenses it down， plus reciews key points at the end of each chapter。 My big take always are to ask kids to think of their perspective and then the other perspective when fighting and just be open and honest and keep ta Amazing。 The chapters include discipline， sibling rivalry， race perspectives， sec and pornography， cell phones and technology and more。 Essentially all of my major worries。 I love that she looks at the research and does a meta analysis plus basically reads all the long books and condenses it down， plus reciews key points at the end of each chapter。 My big take always are to ask kids to think of their perspective and then the other perspective when fighting and just be open and honest and keep talking to kids about hard subjects。 Plus authoritarian parenting is the way to go。 。。。more
Kristy Hurst
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I found this book to be open-minded and useful。 The author doesn't preach。 She explains things thoroughly and the varied ways to approach different situations while referencing a number of studies。 I picked up a number of things I want to do differently and see if they make a difference。 I implemented a couple while still reading the book and can see a little change already。 It's not easy！ It's going to take some work， but it will be worth it。 I found this book to be open-minded and useful。 The author doesn't preach。 She explains things thoroughly and the varied ways to approach different situations while referencing a number of studies。 I picked up a number of things I want to do differently and see if they make a difference。 I implemented a couple while still reading the book and can see a little change already。 It's not easy！ It's going to take some work， but it will be worth it。 。。。more
Jill Rusek
，
I listened to this book because I saw it mentioned in an article somewhere。 The article was about raising good kids and obviously， this book was the perfect choice to go along with that article。 What I loved about this book was the fact that it give evidence based advice for many age levels， preschool up to high schoolers。The author admitted she's not "parent of the year" and she still struggles implementing some of the ideas in her own book。 But she spent the better part of two years researchin I listened to this book because I saw it mentioned in an article somewhere。 The article was about raising good kids and obviously， this book was the perfect choice to go along with that article。 What I loved about this book was the fact that it give evidence based advice for many age levels， preschool up to high schoolers。The author admitted she's not "parent of the year" and she still struggles implementing some of the ideas in her own book。 But she spent the better part of two years researching and implementing the ideas in the book with her two children， so she's seen what works and what might take some time and patience on your part。This book was written during the start of the pandemic， so implementing some of the ideas and keeping her cool were some issues for her。 I very rarely want to purchase a physical copy of a book after I listen to it （from the library）， but this is one I definitely want to buy。 Since our tiny one is finishing kindergarten， the ideas in this book will be helpful for many years to come。While I think my husband and I are good parents， this book offers some great advice to have those difficult conversations with your children and it will definitely be one I consult as our daughter grows older。 。。。more
Ryan
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Parent of an 8 year old boy: this book was right on time。 We've used （and seen a positive change in parents and kid！） a few of the techniques in here around praising to effort。 That's definitely helped everyone's anxiety issues。 While we had discussed with 8 many of the topics in the book already， How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes gave me a lot more clarity and direction and better language than I had。 The book has a ton of works cited that I'm going to check out - especially around talking Parent of an 8 year old boy: this book was right on time。 We've used （and seen a positive change in parents and kid！） a few of the techniques in here around praising to effort。 That's definitely helped everyone's anxiety issues。 While we had discussed with 8 many of the topics in the book already， How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes gave me a lot more clarity and direction and better language than I had。 The book has a ton of works cited that I'm going to check out - especially around talking to kids about racism and about sex and sexuality。 Really worth the read for me as my parenting style was already aligned pretty near to the philosophy of the book。 As you'd probably figure out from the title， this is best read with an open mind。 Willingness to do some further reading， soul searching and applying lessons consistently is reccomended。 。。。more
Marisa
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I haven't read many parenting books so not sure how to rate this but I found it engaging， enjoyable and empowering so 5 it is。 I haven't read many parenting books so not sure how to rate this but I found it engaging， enjoyable and empowering so 5 it is。 。。。more
Jeani
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This is current and interesting。 Lots of relevant data and anecdotes。 Helpful and enjoyable to read。
Samantha Hubachek
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I really enjoyed this。 The science and information to back up various child-raising questions and tactics was dumbed down in a way that made it all easy to understand。 I also loved that at the end of each chapter， the key takeaways were summarized - a definite perk when you're listening to the audio book in pieces。 I really enjoyed this。 The science and information to back up various child-raising questions and tactics was dumbed down in a way that made it all easy to understand。 I also loved that at the end of each chapter， the key takeaways were summarized - a definite perk when you're listening to the audio book in pieces。 。。。more
Katie Goodman
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I didn’t agree with every point of view from the author。 There were many things she wrote that just flat out didn’t sit right with me。 But I still learned a lot and enjoyed hearing about different approaches and perspectives。
Tovah
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As far as parenting books go， this is well researched， to the point， not patronizing， easy to read and covers a wide range of topics
Seda
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