I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working
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- Create Date：2022-05-28 06:52:59
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Shauna Niequist
- ISBN：0310355591
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Summary
A clear-eyed look at what happens when everything we've been clinging to falls apart--what we keep， what we let go， and how we're transformed along the way。
Just after her fortieth birthday， New York Times bestselling author Shauna Niequist found herself in a season of chaos， change， and loss unlike anything she'd ever experienced。 She discovered that many of the beliefs and practices that had been useful up to that point no longer worked。 After trying--and failing--to pull herself back up using the same old tools， she realized she required new ones: courage， curiosity， compassion， and self-compassion。 She discovered the way through was more about questions than answers， more about forgiveness than force， more about tenderness than trying hard。
I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet is a journey of both unlearning what is no longer helpful， embracing curiosity， and accepting the unknowns of midlife， heartbreak， and chronic pain。 Niequist writes with characteristic candor and grace about the challenges and delights of a move from the Midwest to Manhattan， and also the challenges and delights of releasing our expectations for how we thought our lives would look。
Follow Niequist on her journey to understand grief， to reshape her faith， to practice courage when all she wanted to do was hide。 This is a book about learning how to live in a new city， learning how to get back up， and learning how to trust God's goodness in a deeper way。
Just after her fortieth birthday， New York Times bestselling author Shauna Niequist found herself in a season of chaos， change， and loss unlike anything she'd ever experienced。 She discovered that many of the beliefs and practices that had been useful up to that point no longer worked。 After trying--and failing--to pull herself back up using the same old tools， she realized she required new ones: courage， curiosity， compassion， and self-compassion。 She discovered the way through was more about questions than answers， more about forgiveness than force， more about tenderness than trying hard。
I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet is a journey of both unlearning what is no longer helpful， embracing curiosity， and accepting the unknowns of midlife， heartbreak， and chronic pain。 Niequist writes with characteristic candor and grace about the challenges and delights of a move from the Midwest to Manhattan， and also the challenges and delights of releasing our expectations for how we thought our lives would look。
Follow Niequist on her journey to understand grief， to reshape her faith， to practice courage when all she wanted to do was hide。 This is a book about learning how to live in a new city， learning how to get back up， and learning how to trust God's goodness in a deeper way。
Reviews
Lisa Waldrop Shattuck
，
If what you want from this book is a gossip-y look at personal drama， I suggest looking elsewhere。 Shauna Niequist masterfully shares her perspectives without compromising respect for those she loves。 I appreciated every word of this book。
Jennifer
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This was lovely， and hopeful， and hard， and so， so real。 I heard Shauna speak in Grand Rapids in November 2019。 Then， she taught us the power， of "I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet。" She taught us "add goodness， connect， keep going"。 Thank you， Shauna， for these gifts and this book and this stories and this encouragement。 This was lovely， and hopeful， and hard， and so， so real。 I heard Shauna speak in Grand Rapids in November 2019。 Then， she taught us the power， of "I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet。" She taught us "add goodness， connect， keep going"。 Thank you， Shauna， for these gifts and this book and this stories and this encouragement。 。。。more
Brooke
，
Book 122 of 20223+ This was a solid offering。 Niequist references her struggles， whatever they may be， often throughout the book， and while I often identified with her reflections， I found myself put off a bit by how she seemed to keep her readers at arms length by never really getting into what her struggle was。 For things that are not entirely her story to tell， this totally made sense， though as it happened consistently throughout the book， her call to be our vulnerable open and honest selves Book 122 of 20223+ This was a solid offering。 Niequist references her struggles， whatever they may be， often throughout the book， and while I often identified with her reflections， I found myself put off a bit by how she seemed to keep her readers at arms length by never really getting into what her struggle was。 For things that are not entirely her story to tell， this totally made sense， though as it happened consistently throughout the book， her call to be our vulnerable open and honest selves felt a little disingenuous。 That said， I'll take this over a 'Girl Wash Your Face' one size fits all recipe for happiness。 Also fun， in the acknowledgements she gives a shout-out to a college friend of mine and her husband， which was a fun， 'Hey，I know her！' moment。 。。。more
Meredith
，
The writing in this book was as lovely as Niequist is usually， but as another reviewer noted， I felt held at arms length。 There were lots of memorable lines to highlight， but less of the wonderful day today detail that I have appreciated in her previous books。 It’s， of course， up to each writer how much of their personal experience that they want to include， but the shielding here kept me from ever being able to be truly in the book
Jodi
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I felt as if I met a new friend -- a wise， kind， gracious， loving one with an open heart。 The writing wasn't anything revelatory; instead， it was a comfort。 I enjoyed the openness and storytelling from someone my own age。 I felt as if I met a new friend -- a wise， kind， gracious， loving one with an open heart。 The writing wasn't anything revelatory; instead， it was a comfort。 I enjoyed the openness and storytelling from someone my own age。 。。。more
Emily Schmader
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I have long adored Shauna’s writing！ Her new book covers recent changes in her life: mainly moving from Chicago to New York。 She writes about some of the reasons for this move， how it changed her and her family。 In her signature style， she captures the good and the hard， and everything in between。 I loved the chapter about walking！ I’m all ears anytime she starts writing about food。 =）One comment， I’ve noticed in her past two books， she seems to be somewhat vague about spiritual beliefs。 She sti I have long adored Shauna’s writing！ Her new book covers recent changes in her life: mainly moving from Chicago to New York。 She writes about some of the reasons for this move， how it changed her and her family。 In her signature style， she captures the good and the hard， and everything in between。 I loved the chapter about walking！ I’m all ears anytime she starts writing about food。 =）One comment， I’ve noticed in her past two books， she seems to be somewhat vague about spiritual beliefs。 She sticks to the big ideas: God， love， Jesus， death to new life， etc。 And there’s a feeling of “grayness” to spiritual ideas。 In one sense， she’s not making any bold statements！ I’m not really sure where she stands on specifics about the Gospel and Jesus。 Someone could read her book as a beautiful memoir and never get into the details of sin， need for Jesus’ sacrifice， the hope we can have in Him， etc。 At the same time， Shauna’s not claiming any sort of theology title。 She’s not writing doctrinal content， but simply her story。 Though her lens often includes Christian views， it’s a foggy lens in my opinion。 。。。more
Laura Burns
，
This book spoke to my SOUL！！！ Shauna so graciously and courageously shares her hard-won wisdom。 But this book is not all about her but a gift and a love letter to each of us， to live a little more fully--with grace， and tears， beauty， delight， and connection。 I was highlighting and reading passages out loud。 This is a book to be read， savored， reread， and lived。 Thank you， Shauna！ Your voice， authenticity， and insights are a gift。
cat
，
This review， which is just a section from Part 1 of the book， will have to do because I liked a lot and disliked a lot and can't begin to decide a star rating。 I sure did love this paragraph， though:"We’re talking about curiosity and freedom， but under those things， what we’re talking about is self-compassion—treating yourself with the same care and kindness you’d show to someone you love。 This does not come naturally to me。 I have a long history of saying things to myself—about my body， about m This review， which is just a section from Part 1 of the book， will have to do because I liked a lot and disliked a lot and can't begin to decide a star rating。 I sure did love this paragraph， though:"We’re talking about curiosity and freedom， but under those things， what we’re talking about is self-compassion—treating yourself with the same care and kindness you’d show to someone you love。 This does not come naturally to me。 I have a long history of saying things to myself—about my body， about my feelings， about my failures—that I would never say to another living human。 Self-compassion is letting yourself off the hook， letting yourself be human and flawed and also amazing。 It’s giving yourself credit for showing up instead of beating yourself up for taking so long to get there。 A friend of mine is a researcher and therapist， and we were talking about self-compassion recently。 He reminded me that the research on this topic is overwhelmingly clear—the energy of self-compassion fuels so much more lasting change in our lives than shame or guilt or self-loathing ever could。 We find the courage to change when we feel loved。 It unlocks our ability to move forward and grow。 The best way to start practicing self-compassion is to tap into the kindness you show other people。 So many of us are voices of love for the other people in our lives， and it’s when we learn to speak with that same voice of love to ourselves that we’re able to make meaningful change。 Self-compassion is learning to say， I guess I haven’t learned that yet。" 。。。more
Megan Lanier
，
I've been reading Shauna's books for years and I must say I found this to be somewhat of a disappointment。 I know this is not a memoir and the author has every right to keep parts of her life private， but intimacy breeds connection。 She was rather vague throughout the whole book about the hard things she was going through and kept the reader at an arm's length， never letting us in。 Very few of the essays stood out and they mostly blended together with references to hard stuff with no real vulner I've been reading Shauna's books for years and I must say I found this to be somewhat of a disappointment。 I know this is not a memoir and the author has every right to keep parts of her life private， but intimacy breeds connection。 She was rather vague throughout the whole book about the hard things she was going through and kept the reader at an arm's length， never letting us in。 Very few of the essays stood out and they mostly blended together with references to hard stuff with no real vulnerability， stories about moving to/living in/walking around NYC， and a few food/hospitality references。I seem to be in the minority with my opinion on this book and that's okay。 Authors like Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown who lay themselves bare without the fear of looking unpolished or offensive may just be more my style in my post-Christian life。 。。。more
Carie
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Another beautifully written book by Shauna Niequist。 Man can she write words that I just devour with delight。 Love her insight。 Best of 2022 for sure！
Allyn Oliver
，
3。5 stars。 I'm not really sure how I feel about this book。 I've read a few of her books and after several years was excited to see a new one come out。 I'm just not sure what this book was really about。。。 it was all over the place。 To be fair， she warned the reader of that at the beginning。 The chapters were short so it made for quick reading but it felt very cursory。 She references several crisis in her life over I'm guessing the span of a few years but never tells you what any of them are。 Ther 3。5 stars。 I'm not really sure how I feel about this book。 I've read a few of her books and after several years was excited to see a new one come out。 I'm just not sure what this book was really about。。。 it was all over the place。 To be fair， she warned the reader of that at the beginning。 The chapters were short so it made for quick reading but it felt very cursory。 She references several crisis in her life over I'm guessing the span of a few years but never tells you what any of them are。 There's a health scare she doesn't name， a falling out with a friend over something， an issue with her father she didn't explain （but I found easily on google）， etc。， etc。 HOWEVER， Shauna is still a very good writer。 It was a little frustrating up front （& ended on an odd note）， but I did really enjoy her writing。 She did a great job of showing us what life in NYC looks like- these were probably my favorite parts。 As we contemplate a new move， I enjoyed the lessons and changes they made as a family moving to a new city。 。。。more
Makenzie
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I have been reading Shauna Niequist since college。 Her words have guided me through some major seasons （I gift her book "Bittersweet" to almost every graduate） and this one is really special。 There is so much grace， love， and detail in here。 I have been reading Shauna Niequist since college。 Her words have guided me through some major seasons （I gift her book "Bittersweet" to almost every graduate） and this one is really special。 There is so much grace， love， and detail in here。 。。。more
Alana
，
I love Niequist’s writing and some of the essays echoed the thoughts in my own heart。 But several chapters circled around and around the same topics and seemed redundant。 The ones that spoke to me the most were the ones where she grappled with her health and her body and her faith transformation。 And I love when she talks about food。 I wanted to eat all the things！ Overall， this wasn’t my favorite of her books but she continues to be a must-read author for me for her thoughtful insight and beaut I love Niequist’s writing and some of the essays echoed the thoughts in my own heart。 But several chapters circled around and around the same topics and seemed redundant。 The ones that spoke to me the most were the ones where she grappled with her health and her body and her faith transformation。 And I love when she talks about food。 I wanted to eat all the things！ Overall， this wasn’t my favorite of her books but she continues to be a must-read author for me for her thoughtful insight and beautiful way with words。 。。。more
Alicia Shaddix
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A delightful read！“I want to live with an extremely low bar for delight。”
Kate Steele
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This will be a book to return to time and time again and send to friends
Sharon Watkins
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I'm so glad I got a hard copy of this book， because I'm going to go back through and highlight。 There are too many raw， wise moments to count。 I used the Audible version to "read" the first time， and the author is a very good reader as well。 Take note that the Audible version has a neat section at the end where Shauna lists her family's favorite spots in NYC - lots and lots。My only criticism is that if I were the editor， I would have cut 2 or 3 of the final chapters。 It's a beautiful， helpful bo I'm so glad I got a hard copy of this book， because I'm going to go back through and highlight。 There are too many raw， wise moments to count。 I used the Audible version to "read" the first time， and the author is a very good reader as well。 Take note that the Audible version has a neat section at the end where Shauna lists her family's favorite spots in NYC - lots and lots。My only criticism is that if I were the editor， I would have cut 2 or 3 of the final chapters。 It's a beautiful， helpful book。 Sometimes less is more。 。。。more
Kelsey
，
This book was by far one of the best books I've ever had to privilege to listen to。 I've learned so much from Shauna and I am so glad this book came in for me when it did。 I'm still processing all of the lessons I'll take away。 I cannot recommend this title enough。 This book was by far one of the best books I've ever had to privilege to listen to。 I've learned so much from Shauna and I am so glad this book came in for me when it did。 I'm still processing all of the lessons I'll take away。 I cannot recommend this title enough。 。。。more
Paula White
，
4。5 StarsThis book is a progression， a movement through pain， transition， darkness into light of acceptance。 Shauna builds her story with some ambiguity into a place of clarity。 I loved the setting， the eventual vulnerability and the final section， which was my favorite。
Julia Dirckx
，
Shauna is my girl and this is her best book yet。 It’s hard to explain but so much of this book is about freedom and I didn’t want it to end。 I love the essay structure and her honesty。 I found myself jotting things down on a post it note， knowing that I wanted to think more deeply about it later。 Also the ✨NYC vibes✨ were absolutely perfect。 YAY — read this book！！
Renea Mertens
，
I always enjoy Shauna’s books， but this one was from a dark place and I enjoyed it less。 I kept hoping for a how to， but it more of an acceptance of the dark。 Maybe in a different time or place I would like it more。
Liz Schultz Nuytten
，
So much goodness and things to think about。It will defiantly get another read from me。
Kelli Trusedell
，
Oh my goodness， this book was SO perfect for where I am right now in life， with our family moving cross country in less than a week。 A HUGE thanks to my friend Karen who recommended it and let me borrow her copy。 Throughout reading， I was constantly writing down quotes that I felt were speaking directly to me。 I already know I’ll be buying this book for my own library， and will be reading it many more times throughout my life。 💗💗💗
Christine
，
This was a timely read for me。 As I’m entering a “things aren’t quite working like they used to” season， this short compilation of essays is like the encouraging voice of someone a couple years ahead of me。 Shauna Niequist’s voice is beautifully heartfelt， reassuring， and hopeful。 I’m also not sad about all the food talk。I listened to this on audio， and my only regret is not having a physical copy to highlight and annotate。
Jerrica Navarro-De La Garza
，
I would say 3。5/5。0This was my first Shauna book to read （via audio book） I enjoyed how easy it was to listen to the audiobook and follow along the entire time。 I enjoyed the very "story telling" style in the voice。 It kept me engaged so I do appreciate that。 I felt that this book was more of a audio diary of events that happened in her life and not in great detail; but it can easily be relatable to those that have experienced hard changes/challenges in life。 The chapters are short and some of t I would say 3。5/5。0This was my first Shauna book to read （via audio book） I enjoyed how easy it was to listen to the audiobook and follow along the entire time。 I enjoyed the very "story telling" style in the voice。 It kept me engaged so I do appreciate that。 I felt that this book was more of a audio diary of events that happened in her life and not in great detail; but it can easily be relatable to those that have experienced hard changes/challenges in life。 The chapters are short and some of the chapters did seem to fall a bit short。 If you are looking for a "how-to" this may not be what you are looking for but if you do want to be able to see that on the "other-side" of our life circumstances， that you can find JOY if we changed our perspective on things and re-learned how to live life when changes do occur -- well this will give you hope & faith to see beyond our natural circumstances and to see that these are temporary & not permanent。 I love the idea that we do have to live life where we are constantly learning & evolving & know that sometimes its not always an easy thing to do。 。。。more
Stephanie Gossett
，
Honestly， very vague and unrelatable。 Hard to get through。
Becky Jo
，
I really like this author， but this book was a little disappointing。 It had the feeling of grazing over the surface。 It felt somewhat disingenuous， not in a dispersive way， but kind of like a book of thought the other feels she should have had。 It seemed painfully forced。 I do wonder if her very public display of advantage （being able to completely change her circumstances， to afford an apartment that is likely 5-7k/mo。 Etc） make it hard for me to feel like she is relatable anymore。
Sarah
，
There was too much repetition in this one for me。 I don’t know if this needed a different editor， or structure， or what exactly the problem was， but IMO it felt like every time I started to think， okay- we turned a corner， we’re no longer so fixated on the murky reasons for a move and a new life… nope， nope- here’s another chapter that starts with hey， did you know we used to live in this tight-knit community in the Midwest before it all fell apart， and now we’re living in an apartment in NYC？ Y There was too much repetition in this one for me。 I don’t know if this needed a different editor， or structure， or what exactly the problem was， but IMO it felt like every time I started to think， okay- we turned a corner， we’re no longer so fixated on the murky reasons for a move and a new life… nope， nope- here’s another chapter that starts with hey， did you know we used to live in this tight-knit community in the Midwest before it all fell apart， and now we’re living in an apartment in NYC？ YES， WE KNOW。 I really liked parts of this- Niequist’s comments on menopause， health， COVID， parenting， and marriage could be very insightful and poignant。 Her points about her body and her feelings about it were great。 I wish the book focused far more on these things， and less on the vague pain/grief/turmoil that’s all wrapped up in her family and hometown community。 I understand that’s a difficult subject， but I don’t think the way she chose to address it worked here- IMO she either needed to be more direct and up front about her feelings in a more succinct， straightforward manner before moving on to other subjects… or she needed to write about it more for her own personal journal/therapy and just not for a public audience。 I would have loved it if the book focused more on other areas of her life and her perspective on our society。 Her anecdotes about NYC were fascinating！ Personally， as a reader， I wanted more of that。 The fact that we kept circling back to the pain she felt about her life changes really threw me off as a reader。 Part of that is probably due to some complicated feelings and experiences I’ve had with my own family of origin and in-laws。 Perhaps that’s why I had a hard time shaking a feeling of the author’s self-indulgence and privilege when Niequist would inevitably circle back to her issues with her extended family/community。 I know it’s not a competition， and your hard is hard， but it really became too much for me at times。She made some great points sprinkled throughout this， and I think someday I’d like to read this again on kindle when I can highlight the parts that speak to me， and more easily skip the chapters that are obviously focused on her hometown， parents， former church， and old friends and neighbors。 Hopefully those sections work for a lot of people- I’m sure they will， but they don’t for me。 。。。more
Briana Cook
，
Another book that was placed in my life at the exact right time。 When I opened the cover at BN， I knew it was for me。 In this book of essays， Shauna talks about pretty much everything but really hones in on what is no longer working for her。 How through change and “trying softer” there is so much beauty in this life。
Cindy L
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Table TalkShauna invites you to sit at her table whether it is on a walk， in a courtyard， kitchen or baseball field。 You smell， feel， see and hear where she is and what she is saying。 No other author has me trying recipes， looking up drinks， apps， neighborhoods。 This is a yes book for all plowing through change！
Chelsea
，