Overthinking About You: Dating with Anxiety, OCD, and Depression
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- Create Date：2022-05-18 06:53:51
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Allison Raskin
- ISBN：1523513225
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Summary
Dating is hard—but when you live with anxiety， OCD， and/or depression， dating can feel like a minefield。 At last， a book that focuses solely on mental health and dating—an intersection that demands attention， given that one in five Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year。 Overthinking About You is a memoir-driven self-help book that explores the complex connection between brain and heart。 Allison Raskin， a New York Times bestselling author， actress， director， and cocreator of the YouTube comedy channel and podcast Just Between Us， uses her funny， raw， no-holds-barred voice to share her dating history during the highs and lows of her mental health journey， weaving in prescriptive， accessible advice from licensed psychotherapists and other experts。 The result is an engaging， useful， and relatable read for anyone whose mental health has gotten in the way of successful romantic relationships。
Reviews
Sophia
，
I have never dated anybody ever and I only have mild anxiety， but I really learned a lot through this book。 It hit on points that I never thought of and gave me questions and answers I didn't even know I personally needed。 While I didn't take to writing anything in a fancy new notebook， I definitely stored a lot of information in my brain that I will use later， and maybe I'll read the book again in the future to refresh my memory。 Overthinking About You definitely achieves its goal of trying to I have never dated anybody ever and I only have mild anxiety， but I really learned a lot through this book。 It hit on points that I never thought of and gave me questions and answers I didn't even know I personally needed。 While I didn't take to writing anything in a fancy new notebook， I definitely stored a lot of information in my brain that I will use later， and maybe I'll read the book again in the future to refresh my memory。 Overthinking About You definitely achieves its goal of trying to help people with mental illnesses with dating and healthy relationships， but I think that even if you personally do not have a mental illness this book is still an educated and good read。 It gives practical dating advice and you might date someone in the future that has anxiety， OCD， and/or depression， and I think that this book would be a helpful tool guide in how to navigate that relationship。 。。。more
Bookish brown girl
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Practical guide on dating and forming relationships when dealing with mental illness。 While I personally don't have any of these mental illness， I have people in my life who do。 And I found this book very helpful in understanding and how to be supportive to them。 I also feel that some of the advice and practical tips will be useful for everyone regardless。 I listened to the audiobook and it felt very conversational and almost like a long-ish podcast in a good way and I am glad I listened to it。 Practical guide on dating and forming relationships when dealing with mental illness。 While I personally don't have any of these mental illness， I have people in my life who do。 And I found this book very helpful in understanding and how to be supportive to them。 I also feel that some of the advice and practical tips will be useful for everyone regardless。 I listened to the audiobook and it felt very conversational and almost like a long-ish podcast in a good way and I am glad I listened to it。 。。。more
Eleana
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I'm going to reason with you and say this would probably be a 4 star ifA） I hadn't already been closely following Allison for years and heard all these lovely tips beforeB） I wasn't already deep into a commited long term relationship， so a lot of this advice wasn't all that applicableThis book was well structured with lots of gems of wisdom。 I particularly enjoyed the chapter on sex， it felt vulnerable and insightful in the best ways。 I will say I'm not a huge fan of the super chatty style some I'm going to reason with you and say this would probably be a 4 star ifA） I hadn't already been closely following Allison for years and heard all these lovely tips beforeB） I wasn't already deep into a commited long term relationship， so a lot of this advice wasn't all that applicableThis book was well structured with lots of gems of wisdom。 I particularly enjoyed the chapter on sex， it felt vulnerable and insightful in the best ways。 I will say I'm not a huge fan of the super chatty style some of this book was written in， but that seems to be a trend in influencer books so I can't only fault Allison on this too much。 This book is definitely worth your time if you are dating and need some clarity and good advice 。。。more
Cecilia Gigliotti
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The thorough research turned out just to be the cherry on top of this book。 As a writer， Allison builds so thoughtfully on the topics she’s often explored as an entertainer—serious topics—without taking herself too seriously， and that’s a tough wire to walk。 This book provides an accessible point of entry both for people who struggle with the conditions she describes and people who have those people in their lives and want to learn more。
Stephanie Kane
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Horrified to admit that I haven't finished a book in almost two months （I have started and DNF'ed many） and this is the book that got me out of my reading rut but clearly your girl is going through some shit。 Anyway it was good。 Horrified to admit that I haven't finished a book in almost two months （I have started and DNF'ed many） and this is the book that got me out of my reading rut but clearly your girl is going through some shit。 Anyway it was good。 。。。more
Janette
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I'm learning so much from this book。 The information provided is relevant and timely。 A great read for anyone who overthinks everyday about the relationships in their life。 I'm learning so much from this book。 The information provided is relevant and timely。 A great read for anyone who overthinks everyday about the relationships in their life。 。。。more
Emma Tappe
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AMAZING BOOK！
MookNana
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This is as much a memoir as a self-help book。 Some may find that a bit frustrating as they are not invested in the author's personal experiences， while others may find it profoundly validating to realize someone has had the same thoughts and experiences as they did。 YMMV。 Along with personal anecdotes， the author does cite research and quote from interviews with experts。 Key takeaways are listed as bullet points at the end of every chapter， which is helpful。 Each section also begins with trigger This is as much a memoir as a self-help book。 Some may find that a bit frustrating as they are not invested in the author's personal experiences， while others may find it profoundly validating to realize someone has had the same thoughts and experiences as they did。 YMMV。 Along with personal anecdotes， the author does cite research and quote from interviews with experts。 Key takeaways are listed as bullet points at the end of every chapter， which is helpful。 Each section also begins with trigger warnings for readers with sensitivities。 This is a detailed and well-researched exploration of the interplay between anxiety disorders and relationships and I think anyone who lives with or loves someone with these challenges would benefit from giving this a read。Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review！ 。。。more
Lili
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When I saw this book featured in a Smart Bitches， Trashy Books email newsletter， I instantly wanted to read it。 Not because of the publisher’s blurb， but more for the potential that I thought the book could have。 In fact， I wanted to read this book so badly that I requested it on NetGalley （despite the lengthy to be read list that I already have with them）。 A miracle occurred: they granted my request！I am so happy to have read this book: at about 75% complete， I pre-ordered five copies to give t When I saw this book featured in a Smart Bitches， Trashy Books email newsletter， I instantly wanted to read it。 Not because of the publisher’s blurb， but more for the potential that I thought the book could have。 In fact， I wanted to read this book so badly that I requested it on NetGalley （despite the lengthy to be read list that I already have with them）。 A miracle occurred: they granted my request！I am so happy to have read this book: at about 75% complete， I pre-ordered five copies to give to friends。 And that was before reading the sex chapter。 Now that I’ve finished it， I’m thinking of even more friends who could benefit from reading it。 Of the two dozen or so books that I’ve already ready this year， this one was the most worthwhile。So why am I so enthusiastic about promoting a book that the publisher’s blurb describes as humorous personal anecdotes laced with expert advice？ Primarily because it rang so true to my personal experience with occasionally debilitating mental health issues。 And because the publisher’s blurb is wrong: it’s mostly advice from a variety of experts， which is illustrated by examples （humorous and otherwise） from the author’s personal dating experience。 Because the book handled both mental health and sexual health is a positive nonjudgmental fashion that identified and debunked the social stigma surrounding those issues。 Because the overall message was one of self-love， kindness， and compassion， which is what I really needed to hear this week。 And finally because the majority of the discussion was applicable to every personal relationship - romantic or platonic， deep or shallow， ephemeral or long-standing。 The perspectives offered in this book are equally applicable if you struggle with your own mental health or if you are in a personal relationship with someone who might。I received this book as a digital advance reader copy provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest opinion。 。。。more
Lindsay Hughes
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Thanks to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for an advanced reader copy。I’ve followed Allison Raskin around the internet since the Buzzfeed days， so I was excited to read her book after seeing her be so public about her mental health struggles。 Her voice is very clear in this and I could hear her sense of humor come through。 The parts of this book that really shone were the personal stories that Allison shared。 Though the book is clearly well-researched with a variety of mental-health and Thanks to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for an advanced reader copy。I’ve followed Allison Raskin around the internet since the Buzzfeed days， so I was excited to read her book after seeing her be so public about her mental health struggles。 Her voice is very clear in this and I could hear her sense of humor come through。 The parts of this book that really shone were the personal stories that Allison shared。 Though the book is clearly well-researched with a variety of mental-health and relationship professionals， it got a bit clinical and info-dumpy。 But I thoroughly enjoyed the portions where Allison shared her own experiences and foibles in dating。 I think this is an excellent book for people to read regardless of their relationship status; many of the key takeaways from the book have less to do with dating and more to do with self-acceptance and advocacy。 It’s something you can read all at once but also refer back to as you play the dating game。 。。。more
Lauren Biddell
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Thanks to Netgalley and publishers for a copy of this ebook！This was my first book by Allison Raskin， and to be honest I hadn't known of her prior to reading it。 But I found this book to be an absolutely amazing read。 It was wonderful to be able to read and relate to the authors experiences in relationship's， and gave me a lot of uh huh moments。 I've taken a lot of her advice and have started dating again， after almost a year of solitude， and I have to thank Allison's book for helping me reach t Thanks to Netgalley and publishers for a copy of this ebook！This was my first book by Allison Raskin， and to be honest I hadn't known of her prior to reading it。 But I found this book to be an absolutely amazing read。 It was wonderful to be able to read and relate to the authors experiences in relationship's， and gave me a lot of uh huh moments。 I've taken a lot of her advice and have started dating again， after almost a year of solitude， and I have to thank Allison's book for helping me reach that point。 I want to read more of her work now！ 。。。more
Amanda
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I received an eARC via netgalley in exchange for an honest review。 This book was a really honest look at dating with mental health conditions。 If you’ve followed Allison on any of her social media， listened to her podcasts， YouTube channel， or remember her from buzzfeed， then you’ll be able to read this book in her voice。 Her humor is in every chapter。 I find her humor enjoyable， but it might not be for everyone。 Allison gets a lot of advice from different health professionals and even some inpu I received an eARC via netgalley in exchange for an honest review。 This book was a really honest look at dating with mental health conditions。 If you’ve followed Allison on any of her social media， listened to her podcasts， YouTube channel， or remember her from buzzfeed， then you’ll be able to read this book in her voice。 Her humor is in every chapter。 I find her humor enjoyable， but it might not be for everyone。 Allison gets a lot of advice from different health professionals and even some input from matchmakers added to each chapter。 It’s a great mix of professional input and personal experience。 She also has some stories from her friends。 A lot of the book does focus on how to improve your mental health enough to be in a relationship。 It also focuses on imitating dating， healthy dating， and what to do when it doesn’t work out。 Most of the advice is palatable and realistic。 It does acknowledge the privilege involved in being able to receive mental health services。 The book is aimed at people dating more towards the before and beginning of a relationship， but I found a lot of the information to be applicable to my already established relationship。 One of my favorite things I read in this book talked about how everyone had an inner voice。 A lot of people with mental health diagnosis have 2。 One being your inner voice and the other being your illness。 The one that’s your illness is not your personality。 It’s ok to get help to quiet that voice and be who you really are。 Trigger warnings: mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation 。。。more
Nicole Wagner
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I could have used this advice earlier in my life。 I realize I've been a serial monogamist， and having a safe person has been part of my identity ever since I can remember， since before sex was a concept in my life。 I'm fortunate to have found a suitable， supportive， wonderful partner to make a family with， but I'd recommend this book to any of my peers who's still looking or who has baggage built up around dating， relationships， or past breakups。The longest relationship you have is the one you h I could have used this advice earlier in my life。 I realize I've been a serial monogamist， and having a safe person has been part of my identity ever since I can remember， since before sex was a concept in my life。 I'm fortunate to have found a suitable， supportive， wonderful partner to make a family with， but I'd recommend this book to any of my peers who's still looking or who has baggage built up around dating， relationships， or past breakups。The longest relationship you have is the one you have with yourself。 You want to make sure it is one full of love， respect， and compassion。 （How can you expect someone to understand you and anticipate your reactions if you can't do the same for yourself？） It's your job to listen to what your mind is telling you and decide if it's actually a fact or just a thought。 You can only control your behavior。 You can't control your thoughts。 Be kind。 Create space between stimulus and response。 These are basic truths we must acknowledge before we're able to support a healthy relationship in our lives。Sometimes your anxiety is healthy， when it is expressing your wisdom and directing you to healthier things。 That said， if you have an open wound， someone only needs to flick you for the pain to be excruciating。 Time heals all wounds if you're doing things that make you healthier。 Time isn't enough。This book really focuses on new relationships without commitments like marriage， kids， mortgage。 It advises that the dynamics you establish at the beginning of the relationship will most likely continue throughout the relationship--so true and so misunderstood。That said， so much of this advice is great for established relationships， too:You and your partner are a team！ If you look at them as your adversary， you're only attacking yourself。 What's good for them is good for you because you're a team。If people are struggling and in conflict more often than they're feeling comforted， stronger， and better because of the relationship， that would be a signal of an unhealthy relationship。 Are you able to pursue the things that you're interested in？ Are you supported in those things？ 。。。In healthy relationships it's not that there's no conflict or struggle; it's more that there's a sense of learning how to recover from conflict and growing closer to each other as you navigate struggles。 Take what serves you and leave behind the rest if you have to end it， which is your right。Imagine if we all collectively focused on gaining self-confidence instead of losing fat cells？ <--a truth bomb I was thrilled to read here！ Indeed！Regarding my old breakups: I don't beat myself up。 You can't regret not taking opportunities that weren't given。 I want to be my protector， not my enemy， just like the author。 We all think we're the main character in our dramas， but at times maybe we're not and we need to get out of the way and back at our own journeys。 No matter what happens， my life is in good hands。 They just happen to be my own。 。。。more
Melany
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Okay let's be honest， I haven't been on a date in 2 years since becoming single。 I can guarantee majority of the reason is due to the anxiety around dating again and relationships as a whole。 This book gave me alot of encouraging insight。 I believe the author put in some touchy subjects but her transparency about them truly made me enjoy this book even more。 I think after reading this， I'm more confident and understanding to my anxiety to be actually able to try dating sometime in the future！ Go Okay let's be honest， I haven't been on a date in 2 years since becoming single。 I can guarantee majority of the reason is due to the anxiety around dating again and relationships as a whole。 This book gave me alot of encouraging insight。 I believe the author put in some touchy subjects but her transparency about them truly made me enjoy this book even more。 I think after reading this， I'm more confident and understanding to my anxiety to be actually able to try dating sometime in the future！ Good book for those suffering with helpful insight。This ARC was given to me from NetGalley to read and review and give my personal opinions on this book。 All statements above are my own and based solely on my own opinions after reading the book。 。。。more
Jenn
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I received a free copy in the mail。I enjoyed this book。 While I don't fall into some if these categories， I do know many people who do。 It helped me to get a better understanding of what they are going through， so I can better understand and help them work through it。 And as for relationships， I like her suggestions for how to connect and not to look for your perfect match， as perfection doesn't exist in the real world。 I received a free copy in the mail。I enjoyed this book。 While I don't fall into some if these categories， I do know many people who do。 It helped me to get a better understanding of what they are going through， so I can better understand and help them work through it。 And as for relationships， I like her suggestions for how to connect and not to look for your perfect match， as perfection doesn't exist in the real world。 。。。more
Mitchell Clifford
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Thank you to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for this ARC。 I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book。 All thoughts and opinions are my own。I have been looking forward to this book for over a year since I first heard of its development and it did not disappoint。A clear strength of Raskin's writing is how concise and personal her method of storytelling is。 This text is short but packs a punch with her constant tie-ins of lessons， personal anecdotes， and relevant interv Thank you to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for this ARC。 I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book。 All thoughts and opinions are my own。I have been looking forward to this book for over a year since I first heard of its development and it did not disappoint。A clear strength of Raskin's writing is how concise and personal her method of storytelling is。 This text is short but packs a punch with her constant tie-ins of lessons， personal anecdotes， and relevant interviews with experts in each chapter's fields to back up the validity of her information。I also appreciated that， unlike most self-help books， Raskin consistently reiterates that she does not speak for every community， on various topics related to mental health and the disparities at different intersections when it comes to receiving improving your mental health and dating practices。A slight improvement I would add for future books might be a workbook component or activity of some kind at the end of some chapters to give the reader opportunities to put theory into practice。Overall， if you are familiar with Raskin's previous work or interested in any topics in the title at all I would strongly recommend this book as a quick， enlightening， and enjoyable read！ 。。。more
Aimee
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Allison Raskin uses her own experiences to describe how anxiety， OCD， and depression can affect dating and new relationships。 She provides useful tips， points of reflection， and suggestions for responding to scenarios。 Raskin introduces several experts she interviewed for each chapter。 Also included are trigger warnings for chapters containing sensitive topics。 Discussion about how to discuss a mental illness with a potential partner and how to look for a partner who will be supportive were espe Allison Raskin uses her own experiences to describe how anxiety， OCD， and depression can affect dating and new relationships。 She provides useful tips， points of reflection， and suggestions for responding to scenarios。 Raskin introduces several experts she interviewed for each chapter。 Also included are trigger warnings for chapters containing sensitive topics。 Discussion about how to discuss a mental illness with a potential partner and how to look for a partner who will be supportive were especially valuable。 。。。more
Christina
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*Thanks to NetGalley for providing a review copy of this book。I never thought I'd read a book about dating， but as a longtime follower of Allison Raskin， I knew a read of OVERTHINKING ABOUT YOU was in my future。 Part self-help book and part memoir， this work of nonfiction discusses how to navigate relationships when anxiety， depression， or OCD may be a factor。 What follows is a laid-back yet helpful guide to romance with heartfelt anecdotes from Raskin's own life thrown in the mix。I'll be honest *Thanks to NetGalley for providing a review copy of this book。I never thought I'd read a book about dating， but as a longtime follower of Allison Raskin， I knew a read of OVERTHINKING ABOUT YOU was in my future。 Part self-help book and part memoir， this work of nonfiction discusses how to navigate relationships when anxiety， depression， or OCD may be a factor。 What follows is a laid-back yet helpful guide to romance with heartfelt anecdotes from Raskin's own life thrown in the mix。I'll be honest and say that I found myself wanting to nitpick many aspects of this book while reading。 For example， why are there separate introduction boxes for each expert at the beginning of each chapter if they are just going to be reintroduced in the text？ Similarly， I often found that the writing was just a bit too relaxed for my taste， and the chapters read a bit of out of order。 Yet these minor critiques really don't have an impact on the content of the book itself， and really just come down to personal preference。Overall， OVERTHINKING ABOUT YOU is an approachable guide to dating even if you don't struggle with your mental health。 There's practical advice from finding a potential suitor online， all the way through how to handle a committed relationship and an ever-dreaded breakup。 Raskin's interviews with mental health professionals help give the readers tools to use in the real world。 I especially liked the concept of your romantic partner being the VP of your life。If you're struggling with dating， or simply want to improve upon your current partnership， you might find this book to be a great resource。 Unlike some other nonfiction books， OVERTHINKING ABOUT YOU is relatable to a modern day crowd and quite accessible。 Of course， fans of Raskin will enjoy learning more about her personal life as well。 I found the ending to be hopeful， and I look forward to seeing what Raskin accomplishes next in her life and career。 。。。more
Erin
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I think this book struggles with being both too clinical and personal at the same time。 The author talks to professionals and uses their advice in the book， but then interjects her own voice。 The tonegoes from stiff to very conversational very quickly， giving the reader whiplash。 It feels like it's unclear what this book was meant to be: a self-help guide or a memoir by the author。 The author has an interesting story but the way we learned it was in between interviews with doctors。 I really woul I think this book struggles with being both too clinical and personal at the same time。 The author talks to professionals and uses their advice in the book， but then interjects her own voice。 The tonegoes from stiff to very conversational very quickly， giving the reader whiplash。 It feels like it's unclear what this book was meant to be: a self-help guide or a memoir by the author。 The author has an interesting story but the way we learned it was in between interviews with doctors。 I really would've liked a clearer focus and consistent voice here。On the plus side， I think there's advice in here anyone can use when it comes to dating。Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC of this title in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more
Paula Urdaneta
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I can wait to read this book
Steven
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Based on the title， I assumed this book was targeted to folks in existing relationships who might get a wee bit hyperfocused on their partner。 Instead， it turned out to be a very practical guide for individuals with at least moderate mental health concerns who are preparing to date or are in the very early stages of dating。 The author's interwoven personal stories， sense of humor， and overall uplifting vibe kept me reading anyway！ She tackles each chapter with the input of two mental health prof Based on the title， I assumed this book was targeted to folks in existing relationships who might get a wee bit hyperfocused on their partner。 Instead， it turned out to be a very practical guide for individuals with at least moderate mental health concerns who are preparing to date or are in the very early stages of dating。 The author's interwoven personal stories， sense of humor， and overall uplifting vibe kept me reading anyway！ She tackles each chapter with the input of two mental health professionals， who often offer complimentary advice despite differing perspectives。 Each chapter is summed up with a list of key takeaways。 Language， examples， and scenarios are purposefully inclusive。 Overall， I enjoyed this read and would recommend it if you fit the description above。Thank you to NetGalley， the publisher， and the author for the ARC！ 。。。more
maddison
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As someone who is perpetually anxious and single I got a lot of great inspiration from reading this book。 The research and insight from mental health professionals really legitimatised the concepts Allison explored and the anecdotes felt real， funny and honest。Obviously the mental health landscape is huge and the industry is ripe with inequality。 I am glad this privilege was acknowledged throughout the book although I do think some of the interviews could have been more focused on inclusivity an As someone who is perpetually anxious and single I got a lot of great inspiration from reading this book。 The research and insight from mental health professionals really legitimatised the concepts Allison explored and the anecdotes felt real， funny and honest。Obviously the mental health landscape is huge and the industry is ripe with inequality。 I am glad this privilege was acknowledged throughout the book although I do think some of the interviews could have been more focused on inclusivity and contain diverse voices。 The chapters in which Allison gets the most vulnerable were the most compelling to me。 Relationship stuff - sex， dating， break ups - is tough but I do feel more capable to go on the dating journey thanks to this book。I received an ARC from NetGalley。 。。。more
Jess Leslie
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I have been following Allison Raskin for years and this book perfectly exemplifies her rare combination of wit， vulnerability， and intelligence。 I recommend this book to anyone struggling with dating， learning about themself， or just to those looking to go on a brutally honest yet fun journey with Raskin herself through the complicated world of dating。
Georgia D
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So thoughtfully written， and genuinely helpful！ Can't thank Allison Raskin enough for putting this out into the world。 So thoughtfully written， and genuinely helpful！ Can't thank Allison Raskin enough for putting this out into the world。 。。。more
kat （wroughtofbooks）
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I felt very unaffected while reading Overthinking About You。 Despite its relatable subject matter， I found the book altogether hard for me to relate to， it was more like the writer was telling than showing us。 I didn't find the writing to be very visceral， there wasn't really any meat to any of the personal accounts， it was very matter of fact: "He said this， she said this， I felt this way。。。" I wanted to feel more while reading this， like a punch to the gut！ It felt like this title was heavy on I felt very unaffected while reading Overthinking About You。 Despite its relatable subject matter， I found the book altogether hard for me to relate to， it was more like the writer was telling than showing us。 I didn't find the writing to be very visceral， there wasn't really any meat to any of the personal accounts， it was very matter of fact: "He said this， she said this， I felt this way。。。" I wanted to feel more while reading this， like a punch to the gut！ It felt like this title was heavy on the shallow personal accounts， and light on the self-help。 I think this is a book that will resonate with fans of Allison Raskin。I received an advanced copy of this book for my honest opinion from NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company。 。。。more
Kimmy
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