The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now
- Downloads：9460
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-03-13 08:54:51
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Meg Jay
- ISBN：1782114920
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
WHY 30 IS NOT THE NEW 20 - DR MEG JAY IS A PHENOMENON WITH OVER 7。5 MILLION VIEWS ON TED TALKS
Contemporary culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter。 Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay argues that this could not be further from the truth。 In fact， your twenties are the most defining decade of adulthood。
The Defining Decade weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with real-life stories to show us how work， relationships， personality， social networks， identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood。 Smart， compassionate and constructive， The Defining Decade is a practical guide to making the most of the years we cannot afford to miss。
Contemporary culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter。 Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay argues that this could not be further from the truth。 In fact， your twenties are the most defining decade of adulthood。
The Defining Decade weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with real-life stories to show us how work， relationships， personality， social networks， identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood。 Smart， compassionate and constructive， The Defining Decade is a practical guide to making the most of the years we cannot afford to miss。
Reviews
Kanika
，
Despite the title， the book is primarily aimed at late teens/early 20s。 The chapters on work were a lot stronger than the aspects about relationships and children。 The bits about relationships should have been replaced by aspects like the importance of pensions， cumulative interest， savings， fitness， habit building， travelling， etc。 A lot of the advice is for those who are privileged， highly educated and looking for the 2。5 kids， white picket fence life。 I wish the author had taken a more access Despite the title， the book is primarily aimed at late teens/early 20s。 The chapters on work were a lot stronger than the aspects about relationships and children。 The bits about relationships should have been replaced by aspects like the importance of pensions， cumulative interest， savings， fitness， habit building， travelling， etc。 A lot of the advice is for those who are privileged， highly educated and looking for the 2。5 kids， white picket fence life。 I wish the author had taken a more accessible approach and promoted the concept that being alone is often better than being in an unhappy relationship。 。。。more
Audrey Bolesta
，
Wow， one of most thought-provoking and self-reflecting books I’ve read in a very long time。 I borrowed it from a friend after a existential crisis the week of my 23rd birthday in hopes that the book might help give me some direction。 In some ways， the book definitely set off a bit of panic， but at the same time， it pushed me to take concrete action in the next few years。 Most of all， this book made me feel seen in my uncertainty， confusion and anxiety of the future。 The foundational truth of the Wow， one of most thought-provoking and self-reflecting books I’ve read in a very long time。 I borrowed it from a friend after a existential crisis the week of my 23rd birthday in hopes that the book might help give me some direction。 In some ways， the book definitely set off a bit of panic， but at the same time， it pushed me to take concrete action in the next few years。 Most of all， this book made me feel seen in my uncertainty， confusion and anxiety of the future。 The foundational truth of the book is that the twenties are meant to be INTENTIONALLY lived。 Delaying decisions or actions doesn’t lead to better better ones， but rather just less time to deal with the consequences。 Jay breaks this idea down by focusing on three aspects of life: career， love， and mind/body。 In career， she explains idea of identity capital （building a brand before it was cool！） and weak ties （what LinkedIn was made for！）。 Most of all when discussing career， she made it clear that the best thing to do is take action， whether that be applying for a position that you don’t feel qualified for but would love， reaching out to a weak tie， or making a decision。 When discussing love， she discusses the idea of choosing an ideal partner， rather than just settling or choosing someone out of convenience。 What most resonated with me was the fact that picking a partner also means picking a family。 Coming from an ~interesting~ family myself， I emphasize with the desire for a family that I truly feel welcomed in。 （It is important to realize that people can’t control their families also）。 Similarly， she explains choosing a person with similar interests AND similar personality is vital for long term relationships。 The final section of the book focuses on mind and body and how the mind is most transformed during the decade from 20 to 30。 It made me reflect and realize I need to utilize my experiences to grow。 My only complaints come from a few outdated anecdotes and pieces of advice。 This is definitely less of the author， and more the fact that the book is older than a decade and we’ve lived through significant events as a society in the past few years that have changed our societal views on all of the life aspects discussed。 There are so， so， so many quality quotes that I literally found myself sticky note-ing almost every other page。 AND I found myself explaining Jay’s ideas to my friends every week as I moved through the book。 Highly recommending to all my friends that are going through similar experiences of doubt and confusion。 “We think that by avoiding decisions now， we keep all of our opinions open for later—but not making choices is a choice all the same。”“Part of realizing our potential is recognizing how our particular gifts and limitations fit with the world around us。”“There is a certain terror that goes along with saying ‘My life is up to me。’ It is scary to realize there’s no magic， you can’t just wait around， no one can really rescue you， and you have to do something。 Not knowing what you want to do with your life—or not at least having some ideas about what to do next—is a defense against that terror。 It is a resistance to admitting that the possibilities are not endless。 It is a way of pretending that now doesn’t matter。 Being confused about choices is nothing more than hoping that maybe there is a way to get through life without taking charge。” OOF RELATABLE “There is something scary about picking your family…It means you are thinking about the fact that your relationship needs to work not only in the here and now but in the there and then。” “Whether we are talking about love or work， the confidence that overrides insecurity comes from experience。 There is no other way。”“The problem with feeling distant from the future is that distance leads to abstraction， and abstraction leads to distance， and round and round it goes。”“It’s unsettling to not know the future and， in a way， even more daunting to consider that what we are doing with our twentysomething lives might be determining it。” 。。。more
Madison Reynolds
，
I was thoroughly prepared to loathe this book。 While Dr。 Jay’s measuring stick for success and the Good Life was fairly cookie cutter I still found myself enjoying her work a good deal。 Her stories and case studies gave me plenty to consider & honestly that’s all I want from an author - give me something to consider。 Also it seems that if one person is pushing back on a culture the makes marriages and a white picket fence the golden ideal （me） and another pushes back on a culture that glorifies I was thoroughly prepared to loathe this book。 While Dr。 Jay’s measuring stick for success and the Good Life was fairly cookie cutter I still found myself enjoying her work a good deal。 Her stories and case studies gave me plenty to consider & honestly that’s all I want from an author - give me something to consider。 Also it seems that if one person is pushing back on a culture the makes marriages and a white picket fence the golden ideal （me） and another pushes back on a culture that glorifies finding yourself and uncommitted freedom （her）， the 2 may end up with some common ground。 As always， cheers to the floundering 20s and filling them well。 。。。more
Ana
，
Not always wholly relevant but some really interesting points really made me think。 Deffo think it’s worth a read if you are a twenty something probably out of uni and working。
Sarah Weese
，
Did this stress me out？ Yeah a little bit。 Do I feel amped to absolutely rock my 20s？ Yes！ I listened to the audiobook but I might buy the kindle edition so I can highlight the shit out of this。 I’m tempted to buy copies for everyone I know in their twenties。 5⭐️
Catherine Matyas
，
Oh my gosh！！ One of the best self help books I have ever read， and I wish I read it sooner。 There are so many topics in here that solidified my goals for myself and my plans for my future。 I can’t wait to apply this knowledge to my own life :，）
Mehdi
，
I'm not gonna say the author changed my life or something， but as a twenty-something who is trying to manage every aspect of his life in his twenties （work， studies， relationships， family， friends） I felt so obsessed with my own life and I didn't know whether this is right or not， I wasn't sure if I have to go through this pressure at my twenties or not。 This book cleared this out for me and assured me that every twentysomething is going through the same things that I am， and if they're not， the I'm not gonna say the author changed my life or something， but as a twenty-something who is trying to manage every aspect of his life in his twenties （work， studies， relationships， family， friends） I felt so obsessed with my own life and I didn't know whether this is right or not， I wasn't sure if I have to go through this pressure at my twenties or not。 This book cleared this out for me and assured me that every twentysomething is going through the same things that I am， and if they're not， they will be in their early thirties， so the sooner the better。the book covered the most important aspects of one's life， namely work， education， love， family， network， and every momentous thing that can factor in in one's adulthood。I would recommend this book to every twenty-something to read。 。。。more
Goodness
，
You see this book， if you are twenty something and you are asking questions like "what am I doing with my life"， or "what am I supposed to be doing with my twenties"？ this is not a manual🥴🥴 it's a guideline on how to be intentional about planning for your future。 In it， Meg Jay does explore how living in the now doesn't have to be at loggerheads with living for the future。 You'd find stories of people who through small consistent steps， found meaning in their lives。 Again， this is not a one size You see this book， if you are twenty something and you are asking questions like "what am I doing with my life"， or "what am I supposed to be doing with my twenties"？ this is not a manual🥴🥴 it's a guideline on how to be intentional about planning for your future。 In it， Meg Jay does explore how living in the now doesn't have to be at loggerheads with living for the future。 You'd find stories of people who through small consistent steps， found meaning in their lives。 Again， this is not a one size fits all kind of book。 It just gives the kind of perspective you might need to plan for the next few decades of your life 。。。more
Jerome Ng
，
2。5
Jade Dill
，
i was expecting this to be awful and only career focused like “you need to start a business by 25 or you’re irrelevant and should give up” but really it’s all about being intentional while you have the time and money to do so。 a lot of the conversations in here are conversations i’ve had with my own therapist， and really it makes a ton of sense， and learning this info for the second time really cemented things for me
Shahrzad
，
I found myself annoyed at times with what felt like Jay’s traditional/conservative outlook on life， but at the same time， there is a reality to the fact that we live in a fairly traditional/conservative culture that rewards a lot of the things Jay recommends。 Overall， though， I enjoyed this book and found the information shared to be useful， thought-provoking， and in some instances， helpful。
gi
，
ehhhhh meh
Harrison Dempsey
，
I deeply disliked this book。 It's not the sort of thing I'd normally read but I was having a tough couple of weeks and it was recommended in a way that seemed like it'd be empowering and feel-good。 And in a way， it was。 But only for someone that looks like me and who is in a similar sort of position。 The one gem I liked in the book was how the author framed "confidence" and helping her clients build it: Confidence doesn’t come from the inside-out， it comes from the outside-in。 People feel less a I deeply disliked this book。 It's not the sort of thing I'd normally read but I was having a tough couple of weeks and it was recommended in a way that seemed like it'd be empowering and feel-good。 And in a way， it was。 But only for someone that looks like me and who is in a similar sort of position。 The one gem I liked in the book was how the author framed "confidence" and helping her clients build it: Confidence doesn’t come from the inside-out， it comes from the outside-in。 People feel less anxious and more confident on the inside when they can point to things they have done well on the outside。 Fake confidence comes from stuffing away our self-doubt。 Empty confidence comes from parental platitudes and the like。 Real confidence comes from “mastery experiences” - actually lived moments of success when things seemed difficult。 Whether we are talking about life， love， or work， confidence comes from experience。 There is no other way。 。。。more
Coralee
，
Five stars。 I did not have high hopes because I read some bad reviews about it a while ago。 To my surprise， it gave me a new lease on life！ It was just great timing for this book to come into my life。 Also side note: make sure to get the “updated edition” of this book。 She revised it after the pandemic。I had to read it for class so brb while I go write a 5 page paper on it！
Aastha
，
I tried and tried and could not make myself finish this book。 I did read more than three quarters， though， and it was the most trite and boring collection of opinions I have ever heard about people's twenties。For one， I dislike self-help books that tell you 'how to do X' because they assume that there is an objectively correct path to do X。 I am still experiencing the titular defining decade， but I know that making the most of it can mean different things to different people。 Meg Jay has a very I tried and tried and could not make myself finish this book。 I did read more than three quarters， though， and it was the most trite and boring collection of opinions I have ever heard about people's twenties。For one， I dislike self-help books that tell you 'how to do X' because they assume that there is an objectively correct path to do X。 I am still experiencing the titular defining decade， but I know that making the most of it can mean different things to different people。 Meg Jay has a very generic definition of success - marriage， kids， stable career， decent health。 She'll tell you to network， stay close to your family so that you don't feel lonely， date better people。 And in my opinion， that is a terrible way to spend the a decade that's going to supposedly define your life and personality。This book could easily have been a BuzzFeed listicle and it would have served its purpose better if it were。 。。。more
Krista
，
This book gave me numerous advices。 While I don't agree with everything the book said （especially on the love and timeline part）， I'm very glad I read this。 It definitely motivated me to take charge of my future rather than assuming things will work out eventually after my 20s。 This book gave me numerous advices。 While I don't agree with everything the book said （especially on the love and timeline part）， I'm very glad I read this。 It definitely motivated me to take charge of my future rather than assuming things will work out eventually after my 20s。 。。。more
Margarida Patinho
，
Apesar de ter demorado algum tempo a ler este livro， aproveitei-o de uma forma que já não fazia há algum tempo。 Li-o com paciência， para conseguir absorver bem as experiências por ele retratadas。 Este livro é escrito para pessoas que estão exatamente na mesma fase de vida em que eu estou， e identifiquei-me e gostei bastante。 Estou numa vibe de livros de partilha de experiência （tendo em conta a forma como me senti com os últimos dois livros que li 🥳）
Michelle
，
I didn't appreciate her tone I didn't appreciate her tone 。。。more
Phương Anh
，
Quyển sách được đọc vào những năm đầu tuổi 20。 Có lẽ là cái tuổi mà bạn cảm thấy hoang mang， lo lắng về tương lai。 Nhưng cũng là tuổi để bạn cố gắng hơn bao giờ hết。 Hãy sống chứ đừng chỉ tồn tại， cố gắng vào những năm 20 chứ đừng chờ đợi đến những năm sau này như năm 30 40 tuổi mới làm。 Thứ bạn cần là vốn sống， là kinh nghiệm bạn có tích luỹ theo thời gian nó sẽ là thứ giúp ích cho bạn， là thứ bạn mang vào tuổi trưởng thành Thay về việc suy nghĩ mông lung， hãy lên kế hoạch từng chút một， hãy xá Quyển sách được đọc vào những năm đầu tuổi 20。 Có lẽ là cái tuổi mà bạn cảm thấy hoang mang， lo lắng về tương lai。 Nhưng cũng là tuổi để bạn cố gắng hơn bao giờ hết。 Hãy sống chứ đừng chỉ tồn tại， cố gắng vào những năm 20 chứ đừng chờ đợi đến những năm sau này như năm 30 40 tuổi mới làm。 Thứ bạn cần là vốn sống， là kinh nghiệm bạn có tích luỹ theo thời gian nó sẽ là thứ giúp ích cho bạn， là thứ bạn mang vào tuổi trưởng thành Thay về việc suy nghĩ mông lung， hãy lên kế hoạch từng chút một， hãy xác định những gì bản thân muốn trong độ tuổi 30，40 hay 60 ngay cả những việc không muốn sau đó bắt đầu thực hiện ngược trở lại “Tương lai không có gì có thể đảm bảo cả， hãy nắm lấy giai đoạn trưởng thành của bản thân。 Hãy chú tâm。 Hãy tính toán。 Hãy làm việc。 Hãy tạo ra điều chắc chắn cho chính mình。 Đừng để bị định nghĩ bởi những gì bạn không biết hoặc không làm。 Bạn đang quyết định cuộc đời mình ngay lúc này” 。。。more
Ryan C
，
I read this book in 2 days！ Excellent description of how I feel in my mid twenties。 Lot of good content。 I will more than likely read again this year。
Claudia Fernández
，
had to read this for class and it was good！
Megan Livie
，
This book was extremely helpful for planning out your 20s and being able to see the impact of why they matter for your future so much。
Alyssa
，
This book gave a lot of practical and helpful advice， especially with college graduation around the corner。 I think it would be interesting to see a book like this written from the perspective of post COVID times。 I feel like the societal changes we've experienced the last few years have greatly influenced prospective life and career options for twentysomethings。 This book gave a lot of practical and helpful advice， especially with college graduation around the corner。 I think it would be interesting to see a book like this written from the perspective of post COVID times。 I feel like the societal changes we've experienced the last few years have greatly influenced prospective life and career options for twentysomethings。 。。。more
T Conway
，
For me this read was a 5 star。 I agree with previous reviews that this book doesnt suit those of some audiences where their situation doesnt allow them to change their course as easily。 I feel this is what i needed at 28 to give myself a bit of a shove。 I have recommended it to selective friends who i believe would get a lot out of this book。 I thought the chapters on outside in， calming and body were a bit slow。 Otherwise very good points and chapters。 An easy read at 200 pages。
4thSue
，
Best book to read especially when dealing with quarter life crisis 😂
Bella Schuster
，
I didn’t think anything was profound。 Maybe a good book for a privileged twenty something that needs a fire lit under their ass so they get their shit together。 But， for the most part， I found the contents of this book to be common sense。 I did like the section of questions to ask your partner and the bit on identity capital。
Muhammad Al-Kautsar Maktub
，
This book is awesome。 I've found many things in this book that related with me。 It also helps me more to understand myself。 I hope that my twenties would become clearer。 Kudos for the author！ This book is awesome。 I've found many things in this book that related with me。 It also helps me more to understand myself。 I hope that my twenties would become clearer。 Kudos for the author！ 。。。more
Anneliese Simpson
，
A great selection of essays and messages to help guide me through this crazy whirlwind of my twenties！ I give it 4 stars because I can see myself re-reading this novel many times throughout my twenties， as the chapter's relevance will ebb and flow through different life experiences。 Sometimes I did feel a little overwhelmed and had to capture myself from falling into a trap of overthinking and anxious forward planning。 I would suggest to read this with an open and grateful mind， a slightly thick A great selection of essays and messages to help guide me through this crazy whirlwind of my twenties！ I give it 4 stars because I can see myself re-reading this novel many times throughout my twenties， as the chapter's relevance will ebb and flow through different life experiences。 Sometimes I did feel a little overwhelmed and had to capture myself from falling into a trap of overthinking and anxious forward planning。 I would suggest to read this with an open and grateful mind， a slightly thick skin and stay reflective and adaptive。 。。。more
Gina
，
EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK！！
Mellenn Domanais
，