Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex
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- Create Date：2021-03-27 13:12:16
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Angela Chen
- ISBN：080701379X
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Summary
An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction， and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world
What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through the world not experiencing it？ What does asexuality reveal about consent， about compromise， about the structures of society？ This exceedingly accessible guide to asexuality shows that the issues that aces face—confusion around sexual activity， the intersection of sexuality and identity， navigating different needs in relationships—are conflicts that all of us need to address as we move through the world。
Through interviews， cultural criticism， and memoir， ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality， because every place that sexuality touches our world， asexuality does too。
Journalist Angela Chen uses her own journey of self-discovery as an asexual person to unpretentiously educate and vulnerably connect with readers， effortlessly weaving analysis of sexuality and societally imposed norms with interviews of ace people。 Among those included are the woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that "not wanting sex" was a sign of serious illness， and the man who grew up in an evangelical household and did everything "right，" only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others。 Also represented are disabled aces， aces of color， non-gender-conforming aces questioning whether their asexuality is a reaction against stereotypes， and aces who don't want romantic relationships asking how our society can make room for them。
What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through the world not experiencing it？ What does asexuality reveal about consent， about compromise， about the structures of society？ This exceedingly accessible guide to asexuality shows that the issues that aces face—confusion around sexual activity， the intersection of sexuality and identity， navigating different needs in relationships—are conflicts that all of us need to address as we move through the world。
Through interviews， cultural criticism， and memoir， ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality， because every place that sexuality touches our world， asexuality does too。
Journalist Angela Chen uses her own journey of self-discovery as an asexual person to unpretentiously educate and vulnerably connect with readers， effortlessly weaving analysis of sexuality and societally imposed norms with interviews of ace people。 Among those included are the woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that "not wanting sex" was a sign of serious illness， and the man who grew up in an evangelical household and did everything "right，" only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others。 Also represented are disabled aces， aces of color， non-gender-conforming aces questioning whether their asexuality is a reaction against stereotypes， and aces who don't want romantic relationships asking how our society can make room for them。
Reviews
Lauren McNeil
，
An incredibly healing read for me。 “So why do I identify as ace when I could identify as an allo woman who is not sexually motivated？ First， it is because many parts of my experience - like the fact that I never think about sex involuntarily and could be celibate for life with little trouble - line up with the experience of other aces。 Learning about asexuality provoked a shock of recognition and I wanted to honor that。” Pg 15It’s like the author took these exact thoughts out of my head。 But als An incredibly healing read for me。 “So why do I identify as ace when I could identify as an allo woman who is not sexually motivated？ First， it is because many parts of my experience - like the fact that I never think about sex involuntarily and could be celibate for life with little trouble - line up with the experience of other aces。 Learning about asexuality provoked a shock of recognition and I wanted to honor that。” Pg 15It’s like the author took these exact thoughts out of my head。 But also - the entire book is full of personal experiences from others as well as exploring race， our society’s unfortunate hierarchy of friendships/relationships， and compulsory sexuality。 Etc etc。 read this 。。。more
Georgie
，
I've been scrolling through the reviews， and whereas most allo people have given it pretty good reviews， the reviews of ace people have been mixed， some saying it was pretty good and others complaining that a 200-page book isn't enough to describe asexuality。 But let's be honest， it never would have been possible to have do that， and that's not what this book set out to do。 It's really hard to explain the vastness of the asexual community， but I thought this book did a really good job of providi I've been scrolling through the reviews， and whereas most allo people have given it pretty good reviews， the reviews of ace people have been mixed， some saying it was pretty good and others complaining that a 200-page book isn't enough to describe asexuality。 But let's be honest， it never would have been possible to have do that， and that's not what this book set out to do。 It's really hard to explain the vastness of the asexual community， but I thought this book did a really good job of providing an overview， and then using that as a starting point for analysing our society。 I learned more about the ace community （which is definitely wider and more of a spectrum than I ever thought it was， so I'm really glad I read this book just to understand my own community better）， more about allosexuality （or alternatively: now I am even more confused about how attraction works and I didn't think that was possible）， and also had my eyes opened about how our society really does revolve around allo- and amatonormativity。 It was fascinating， really。 For pretty much the first time in forever， I think understand why I feel so bad about being aroace， and I understand that I shouldn't， not really。 It's just social pressure and amatonormativity。 I've learned so much， and this book was a fantastic introduction into this corner of research。 I feel really motivated to read more books like this; books about how sex is intertwined with people's identity， how it's political and how it's not actually as primal as we think。 It's super， super interesting， especially for an "outsider" like me。 I think my only critique is that Chen spends so much time proving the legitimacy of aces who still have sex， have sexual desire or are in romantic relationships， that it left me， a textbook aroace， almost feeling a little excluded。 But then again， I do understand why we weren't the focus of the book。 200 pages isn't a lot to expand on that sort of thing， and we're the ones that people are most likely to know about。 To summarise， this book is just as much for allos as it is for aces， and I think it provides a great introduction to the world of asexuality and sociology-sex research for everybody alike。 。。。more
Sue
，
It’s not a perfect book， but it acknowledges that， and it’s biases。 And also examines the nuance and spectrum of asexuality。 And I’m happy for any media that genuinely attempts to accurately portray our community， so that we stop having to explain that no， we are not amoebae。
Rosey Waters
，
Basically everyone should read this， but especially the allos。 I imagine for allo people， trying to imagine what it's like to be ace is similar to what it's like for me trying to understand what it's like to be allo。 This book felt true and authentic， explaining clearly and concisely some of the ace experience in a way that is easy to digest and understand。 I would highly recommend it as a start to any research into what it means to be ace。 So please， please read it。 Even if you don't have ace f Basically everyone should read this， but especially the allos。 I imagine for allo people， trying to imagine what it's like to be ace is similar to what it's like for me trying to understand what it's like to be allo。 This book felt true and authentic， explaining clearly and concisely some of the ace experience in a way that is easy to digest and understand。 I would highly recommend it as a start to any research into what it means to be ace。 So please， please read it。 Even if you don't have ace friends （which if you know me， HI I AM ACE， YOU DO HAVE AN ACE FRIEND）， this is a useful book to read because the ace experience is a useful thing to think about in terms of how we all experience love， sex and the social dynamics。 Let's put some words and thoughts towards that。 。。。more
Colleen McCool
，
Oh。 OH。
Ra（c）hel
，
Angela Chen's "Ace" is the book that made me think "dang， I want to write something half as good and half as impactful as this"。 It's fun to read， combines interviews， research and personal anecdotes fluidly and hopefully reaches a lot of people in its quest to normalize asexuality to the point where it needn't be an identity of its own， but instead just a given in a society that accepts different approaches to （not） wanting sex。 I enjoyed the different perspectives the author gave us， hammering Angela Chen's "Ace" is the book that made me think "dang， I want to write something half as good and half as impactful as this"。 It's fun to read， combines interviews， research and personal anecdotes fluidly and hopefully reaches a lot of people in its quest to normalize asexuality to the point where it needn't be an identity of its own， but instead just a given in a society that accepts different approaches to （not） wanting sex。 I enjoyed the different perspectives the author gave us， hammering home how important intersectionality is when approaching topics such as asexuality， as well as how brutally she honest was about her own struggles with the label。I'm excited to see what Angela Chen writes about next and I will definitely buy the book after having devoured the library copy！ 。。。more
Jo
，
Interesting point of view。 I learned a lot。 Mostly how nothing is simple and every extreme is harmful to someone。 Nuances are enlightening but also hard。
Erin
，
Read this for professional development and I learned so much about asexuality and aromanticism。 In fact， a client of mine was reading it at the same time I was and we started reading it together and it helped us have a language for what they were feeling and going through。 The idea of queerplatonic partnerships is so interesting and makes so much sense。 I appreciated the inclusivity of this book， including a focusing on the disabled community and survivors of trauma。
Caitlin
，
In 2019， I looked for layperson level books on this topic， hoping to add something to my list of on-hand library recs-- I found *one*， and it was written from an allo perspective， discussing ace people as outlier examples of humanity that can teach "us" （allos） about ourselves。"Ace" finally fills that gap， and it fills it well。 As an ace person， I found myself better represented in this book than in the ten or so years of casual online research and community I had so far consumed。 Angela Chen is In 2019， I looked for layperson level books on this topic， hoping to add something to my list of on-hand library recs-- I found *one*， and it was written from an allo perspective， discussing ace people as outlier examples of humanity that can teach "us" （allos） about ourselves。"Ace" finally fills that gap， and it fills it well。 As an ace person， I found myself better represented in this book than in the ten or so years of casual online research and community I had so far consumed。 Angela Chen is thoughtful， analytical， and thorough。 This book is a great introduction to the ace experience。 Also， it highlights many intersectional ace experiences， which are often talked over。Allos can gain a great deal of personal reflection from this book as well。 Chen spends a lot of time talking about consent， pleasure， and kinds of attraction other than sexual。 Anyone looking to better understand how they function within close relationships would benefit from reading this book。I hope others follow in Chen's steps， and when I look to rec ace nonfiction in another 2 years， there is a whole shelf full to choose from。 。。。more
delaney
，
Ace by Angela Chen challenged my allo way of thinking and seeing the world。 It was this vastly brain wrinkling experience。 Like， huh， why is sex so valued in American society？ We're so immersed in it that we don't even think about it。 But for asexuals it's a whole different view。 Why are those who don't have sex or view sex differently treated as defective？ Why do people have to lie about their sex life？ I loved all the nuances and dissections of asexuality that Chen managed to pack into this bo Ace by Angela Chen challenged my allo way of thinking and seeing the world。 It was this vastly brain wrinkling experience。 Like， huh， why is sex so valued in American society？ We're so immersed in it that we don't even think about it。 But for asexuals it's a whole different view。 Why are those who don't have sex or view sex differently treated as defective？ Why do people have to lie about their sex life？ I loved all the nuances and dissections of asexuality that Chen managed to pack into this book。 At only 210 pages， she meticulously and carefully weaves pop culture， information and research， and vignettes from her own life and from the lives of the diverse array of people she interviewed for the book。 Included are chapters about the asexual experience overall as well as and examination of the different subgroups within it （grey asexuality， demisexual， aromantic， etc。） and the complex and intersectional overlaps between other groups in the LGBTQIA community， sexuality， sexual orientation， sexual attraction， race， and gender。 Chen deconstructed stereotypes and the guilt such as how Asians are frigid， Blacks can be asexual， disabled folks' not wanting to perpetuate the view that disabled folks don't enjoy sex or have sex， and men as being in a rut because they are seen as horndogs; but also the joy when someone finds out they are asexual and put a label to their experiences。 This collection gave me the insight to put myself into the view of someone who is ace。 And hopefully those who are ace see themselves represented as multifaceted as they are。 But， above all， Chen trumps sexual choice over sexual positivity because maybe sex just doesn't do it for people and it shouldn't be the end all be all goal for everyone。 There's more to life then sex。 。。。more
Bailey
，
Of all the identities within the queer umbrella， asexuality is the one I am the least educated on。 This book taught me a lot and I loved Angela Chen's nuanced perspective。 I loved the attention to those living at the intersections of asexuality and race， ace and disabled， ace and masculine， ace and trans。。。 Definitely recommend this to anyone looking to learn more about ace/aro identity。 Of all the identities within the queer umbrella， asexuality is the one I am the least educated on。 This book taught me a lot and I loved Angela Chen's nuanced perspective。 I loved the attention to those living at the intersections of asexuality and race， ace and disabled， ace and masculine， ace and trans。。。 Definitely recommend this to anyone looking to learn more about ace/aro identity。 。。。more
Caitlin
，
4。5/5I was so excited to get my hands on a copy of Ace because although I identify as aspec myself， I am aware I have so much to learn。 Ace has opened my eyes to so many intersectional issues that I hadn’t even considered - race， feminism， disability， etc - and has made me feel validated in a way I didn’t really expect。 Would recommend everyone to read this， both ace and allo individuals， because I think it’s a good base knowledge level book for a LGBTQ+ that are often forgotten about。
Jackie Phillips
，
As an ace person I really wanted to be able to give this five stars but doing so would be disingenuous。 I don’t normally write reviews so will keep it short。 But my main reasons for the low rating are:- Writing style - I found the authors voice incredibly hard to read and follow。 I had to go back at least twice every chapter and reread a paragraph due to confusing sentence structure。 There were also obvious typos and sentences that plain didn’t make sense。 And lots of rambling。 This book could h As an ace person I really wanted to be able to give this five stars but doing so would be disingenuous。 I don’t normally write reviews so will keep it short。 But my main reasons for the low rating are:- Writing style - I found the authors voice incredibly hard to read and follow。 I had to go back at least twice every chapter and reread a paragraph due to confusing sentence structure。 There were also obvious typos and sentences that plain didn’t make sense。 And lots of rambling。 This book could have been half the size with better editing。 - Organization - It jumps around a lot and I feel like the through line gets lost in the shuffle。 If there is one？- Tone - There’s something I can’t quite put my finger on but several passages made me feel squicky。 I’m sure I could figure it out if I analyzed my response more but not worth it。 I did have a few moments of validation and the testimonies provided some food for thought that hadn’t occurred to me before。 But overall I was sadly disappointed。 。。。more
Lauren
，
Thought-provoking and well-written。
Michelle
，
Rambly， reinforced stereotypes （there's a lot of "because everyone in society thinks X" that is surely untrue and I think doing more harm than good here）， but good to have quotes and experiences shared from interviews。 Rambly， reinforced stereotypes （there's a lot of "because everyone in society thinks X" that is surely untrue and I think doing more harm than good here）， but good to have quotes and experiences shared from interviews。 。。。more
Erin
，
So incredibly affirming。 Well written with clear definitions and examples。
Marissa
，
Asexuality was definitely one of the sexualities I knew the least about， so I decided to pick up this book and learn something。 It definitely helped me accomplish that task。 While I found there to be some technical difficulties with the writing， that is just nitpicking on my end。 Overall， this was a well-researched， nuanced， informative text on what asexuality is and can be， and what it means for sexuality and society at large。 It was very intersectional and touched on topics of race， gender， ra Asexuality was definitely one of the sexualities I knew the least about， so I decided to pick up this book and learn something。 It definitely helped me accomplish that task。 While I found there to be some technical difficulties with the writing， that is just nitpicking on my end。 Overall， this was a well-researched， nuanced， informative text on what asexuality is and can be， and what it means for sexuality and society at large。 It was very intersectional and touched on topics of race， gender， rape culture， disability， mental health， religion， etc。。。。 the list goes on。 At the end of the day， this book was about human relationships and how we all relate to each other， and how whatever it is we want out of life is okay。 It champions the idea of accepting our differences while fully embracing the variety of human connections that can be made， without sex and sexuality always needing to be at the forefront。 。。。more
wanderonwards
，
2。5/5 starsThis is a subject I’m interested in learning more about and educating myself on， but while this is a relatively short book I struggled to finish it。 I had difficulty connecting to the narrative and did not enjoy the autobiographical focus of the author’s life throughout the book: I can understand how these sections would be included to show how the author can speak with authority on the subjects brought up， but oftentimes I felt they read as defensive justifications for past actions （ 2。5/5 starsThis is a subject I’m interested in learning more about and educating myself on， but while this is a relatively short book I struggled to finish it。 I had difficulty connecting to the narrative and did not enjoy the autobiographical focus of the author’s life throughout the book: I can understand how these sections would be included to show how the author can speak with authority on the subjects brought up， but oftentimes I felt they read as defensive justifications for past actions （but I do recognize that sometimes that validation is needed for healing， I just don’t know if this was the right outlet）。 I did learn many new things from this book， however， and I will be looking into the further reading recommendations。 。。。more
Kathy
，
In this technological age， I find it disappointing the non technological communication is a lost art。 Human connection is suffering as a result of individuals who have decided that each person’s preference is more important than kindness and compassion in society。 Do we really have to be at odds with each other to live？
Lindsay
，
DNF。 I fell asleep listening to this， which has never happened before。 I feel like this book keeps trying to define asexuality， while saying that it's a spectrum and there isn't a standard definition。 DNF。 I fell asleep listening to this， which has never happened before。 I feel like this book keeps trying to define asexuality， while saying that it's a spectrum and there isn't a standard definition。 。。。more
Abigail
，
welcome to another much too personal for this space review ;） "You can give a no with zero caveats in each and every situation， full stop。 You can say no if someone loves you and you love them back。 You can say no for the rest of your life。 Loving another person should never mean forfeiting bodily autonomy。"I was soooo happy to find this book in the library。 For a long time I have been trying to untangle my extremely complicated feelings towards sex。 Sex in romance books makes me a bit uncomfort welcome to another much too personal for this space review ;） "You can give a no with zero caveats in each and every situation， full stop。 You can say no if someone loves you and you love them back。 You can say no for the rest of your life。 Loving another person should never mean forfeiting bodily autonomy。"I was soooo happy to find this book in the library。 For a long time I have been trying to untangle my extremely complicated feelings towards sex。 Sex in romance books makes me a bit uncomfortable。 And in other situations。 When I see beautiful people， I'm more like "Oh I would cook for you and cuddle you so hard" rather than "please take me to bed and ravish me。" Although， similar to the author， I am sex-positive， can talk about sex with friends， make jokes， have had sex in the past， now I'm realizing it I'm not sure the magic （not the right word but you get it） is actually there。 Not just because of this book- but it certainly helped。 It was like an "aha，" light bulb moment although I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at。 Many moments of reading this book felt like a deep， deep validation to experiences I'd had in the past。 As always， I digress！ This was such a great intersectional explanation to asexuality through all lenses。 It expanded my mind reading it （thank you） and made consider how race， ability， and gender identity also affect how people perceive asexuality or find trouble identifying as asexual。 It even brought up incels and how again， sex was so politically charged that it leaves any room for difference- and is sending the message this difference is inherently wrong and lacking。 And challenges the idea that sex is a necessary aspect to successful relationships & true intimacy or romance。 I also loved how it expanded on the definition of consent， and what that can look in allo-ace relationships， but really could be applied to strictly-allo relationships as well。 It's true that sex is be messy， and turning to kink as a way to negotiate more naturally in relationships was such a cool idea （can't adequately explain my feelings haha）。 Basically， acceptance of the asexuality and aromantic communities benefits EVERYONE。 Okay I've shared too much。 Read it！ Most of all， I loved the permission slip that like all other sexualities， there is no one way to "be。" What works for some won't work for others， and that's great。 Lovely。 It may change later on， and that's okay too。 Or not。 Still valid。 Okay so I loved most of this book， as you can tell by my rambling here。 I kind of want to buy a copy just to keep on hand。 I think ALL people could benefit from reading it- which is the whole point of reading in general， right？ 。。。more
Nicholas Westbrook
，
I think this is a great book for anyone first dipping their toes into asexuality and ace culture。 I recognized a lot of the names and resources， but on the same hand， I didn't really learn anything new （almost nothing new， I should say）。 A lot of what was discussed I had learned through months/years of asexual discussion groups， Facebook groups， websites， etc。 If you have someone in your life who needs to learn a little more about asexuality or is starting to explore asexuality， this is a great I think this is a great book for anyone first dipping their toes into asexuality and ace culture。 I recognized a lot of the names and resources， but on the same hand， I didn't really learn anything new （almost nothing new， I should say）。 A lot of what was discussed I had learned through months/years of asexual discussion groups， Facebook groups， websites， etc。 If you have someone in your life who needs to learn a little more about asexuality or is starting to explore asexuality， this is a great solution。 I wish I had this book as a resource when I first started to identify as asexual。 。。。more
Jennifer
，
This is a great book regardless if you are asexual or allosexual。 The author identifies as asexual and explores so many great topics and intersectionalities and their relationships with sex and desire。 I've identified as ace since I was 14， but really only learnt and embraced asexuality since I was 19/20。 And I absolutely learnt new things about myself through reading this book。 Such as: I thought my identity as asexual， aromantic and polyamorous were contradictory。 However this book made me rea This is a great book regardless if you are asexual or allosexual。 The author identifies as asexual and explores so many great topics and intersectionalities and their relationships with sex and desire。 I've identified as ace since I was 14， but really only learnt and embraced asexuality since I was 19/20。 And I absolutely learnt new things about myself through reading this book。 Such as: I thought my identity as asexual， aromantic and polyamorous were contradictory。 However this book made me realise that being ace and poly makes total sense and is fairly common in my community - or is as common as poly occurs in the allosexual community。 I also had a lot of my feelings about friendships， romance and queer platonic relationships reaffirmed through this book which was much needed。I think what is actually my favourite part of this book is all the asexual experiences I cannot relate to。 Asexuality is not a monolithic experience。 The people who identify somewhere on the asexual spectrum are as diverse a people as any other group and community you can think of。 I loved having certain notions and experiences I'd never even thought of detailed to me through the recounting of other ace people。 The author's experience of asexuality is very different to my own and it was really enjoyable for me to learn more about her perspective。 In particular I found the topics of friendships， masculinity and disability all really interesting and relevant to today。 I'm seriously considering gifting a copy of this book to my psychologist， who fully supports me being asexual but could use more education on what that means and how asexual people experience life and society。 This is the kind of book I would love everyone in my life to read。 Which brings me to my one criticism。This book is very dense。 While the writing is accessible and the topics handled in a deft way， there is so much information it can be hard to absorb。 Most of my family and friends are not readers， so giving them a academic nonfiction book about asexuality seems unlikely for me。 Add to the fact I listened to this via audiobook （which was produced and narrated very well！） and I'm sure there are whole sections I've missed out on because my brain just could not keep up。 That's probably a fault of mine rather than this book， but it did hinder my experience slightly。 Make no mistake though， this is the best book on asexuality I know of。 This IS a useful and enjoyable book and I do recommend it for those who are open to it。 But remember to take your time with this one。 。。。more
Julie
，
I found this book really insightful。 It explored a lot of themes that I hadn’t even considered or thought about previously。 It talked about our bias towards sexuality and the commodification of it and it’s assumed obligation in all meaningful relationships。 I enjoyed hearing about the different possibilities of relationships and it really debunked the idea that just because an individual may not be sexual， it doesn’t mean that they don’t have other desires such as romance or wanting to start a f I found this book really insightful。 It explored a lot of themes that I hadn’t even considered or thought about previously。 It talked about our bias towards sexuality and the commodification of it and it’s assumed obligation in all meaningful relationships。 I enjoyed hearing about the different possibilities of relationships and it really debunked the idea that just because an individual may not be sexual， it doesn’t mean that they don’t have other desires such as romance or wanting to start a family etc etc。 Though I’ve heard and had a general understanding of asexuality， the terms “aromantic”， “allosexual”， “compulsory sexuality” in the context of relationships were firsts。 。。。more
Cait
，
This book was incredible， and I can’t think of a more appropriate title。 As someone who identifies as allosexual， I very much feel that I have a truer understanding of human nature and myself because of reading this。 Highly recommend。
Casey
，
A strong recommendation to those who are new to gender and sexuality studies。 This would have definitely been on my book list in undergraduate intro to women， gender， and sexuality studies classes。 A strong intro to these concepts rather than expansion of ideas。As someone who doesn’t identify as asexual， I wanted to know and learn more about the experiences of those within the asexual community。 This book definitely does this， almost too much， as the structure and organization of the book seems A strong recommendation to those who are new to gender and sexuality studies。 This would have definitely been on my book list in undergraduate intro to women， gender， and sexuality studies classes。 A strong intro to these concepts rather than expansion of ideas。As someone who doesn’t identify as asexual， I wanted to know and learn more about the experiences of those within the asexual community。 This book definitely does this， almost too much， as the structure and organization of the book seems scattered with allegories of individual asexual individuals experiences and weaving it into the theories discussed。 Being queer， it is important to be educated on experiences of those in the LGBTQIA+ community。 I think Ace makes great theoretical and ideological points sprinkled throughout the narratives of experiences。 For those who have read some Queer Theory or Third Wave Feminist Theory this will all be familiar territory。 （Ace regurgitates this and puts them into an asexual perspective） TLDR: great starting point for those who are interested in reading sexuality discourse， recharts old territory for readers of queer theory， third wave feminism， or other identity politic theories involving sexuality discourse。 。。。more
Kathi
，
When I was growing up I， like many aces， felt out of place。 It seemed like my peers talked a language I didn't understand。 With every year that passed， I wondered when I will share what they share。 With every year that passed without anything happening， anything changing about "my situation" I wondered when "it" will happen。 The age I envisioned myself to be for having sex the first time changed every time， got pushed more and more into the future。 Although I never felt real anguish or despair a When I was growing up I， like many aces， felt out of place。 It seemed like my peers talked a language I didn't understand。 With every year that passed， I wondered when I will share what they share。 With every year that passed without anything happening， anything changing about "my situation" I wondered when "it" will happen。 The age I envisioned myself to be for having sex the first time changed every time， got pushed more and more into the future。 Although I never felt real anguish or despair about my "situation" and was quite happy how I was， I still wondered when "it" will happen。 It took me a long time to stop wondering。 It took me even longer to realize that "it" never has to happen。 That sex can always stay an abstract concept for me， one that I can observe and talk about from afar but don't have to partake in。 And this knowledge freed me。 It took some pressure off my shoulders， pressure that not my peers but myself gave birth to。 Finding the word "asexuality" and its meaning gave me this knowledge。 Although I already knew about asexuality for some time now， I still learned a lot about the world and about myself while reading this book。 It is meticulously researched and does a wonderful job of connecting asexuality to wider concepts in our society。 From time to time， I marked whole pages because I didn't want to forget what Angela Chen wrote。 This book should be a must-read not only for aces and those questioning， but also for allos。 Many of the struggles brought up in this book are not only known to aces but are also common for most of my allo friends。 I really think that everyone would profit from reading this， from beginning to construct the meaning of sex and relationships in their own life and creating a version that is free from societal expectations， a version that might deviate from what is considered to be "normal"。 Deviating from the norm does not have to be inherently bad， and as Chen rightfully writes Normal is often treated as a moral judgment， when it is often simply a statistical matter Years later after me waiting for "it" to happen， I have come to terms with my identity and started to embrace being ace。 I hope， this book helps other aces do the same。 。。。more
Bethany
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I really think everyone should read this book， regardless of whether they identify on the asexual spectrum， from the more stereotypical sex-repulsed ace to those who are open to sex with a partner， or even occasionally experience sexual attraction and desire。 There is a lot more going on here than we realize。Ace is an incisive， nuanced work of nonfiction that explores not only the breadth of asexual experience and identity， but also complicates the way we think and talk about issues of consent， I really think everyone should read this book， regardless of whether they identify on the asexual spectrum， from the more stereotypical sex-repulsed ace to those who are open to sex with a partner， or even occasionally experience sexual attraction and desire。 There is a lot more going on here than we realize。Ace is an incisive， nuanced work of nonfiction that explores not only the breadth of asexual experience and identity， but also complicates the way we think and talk about issues of consent， and the pressures we place on people to conform to some nebulous "normalcy" in sexual behavior and desire。 It will probably cause you to take a good look at your own experience of sexuality and Chen offers language for evaluating things that often go unspoken， unnoticed。 It also shows how culturally， we tend to center sex and romantic relationships to a degree that may actually be harmful to some people。 Additionally， this takes an intersectional approach， highlighting how assumptions based in race or gender can make it difficult for ace people to acknowledge their identity。 It's an interesting， thought-provoking book and I'm glad I picked it up。 。。。more
Karen
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Book Riot's Read Harder 2021: Read an LGBTQ+ history book Book Riot's Read Harder 2021: Read an LGBTQ+ history book 。。。more
Alicja
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