Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know
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- Create Date：2021-12-27 06:51:25
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Malcolm Gladwell
- ISBN：0316299227
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Summary
Malcolm Gladwell， host of the podcast Revisionist History and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Outliers， offers a powerful examination of our interactions with strangers—and why they often go wrong。
A Best Book of the Year: The Financial Times， Bloomberg， Chicago Tribune， and Detroit Free Press
How did Fidel Castro fool the CIA for a generation？ Why did Neville Chamberlain think he could trust Adolf Hitler？ Why are campus sexual assaults on the rise？ Do television sitcoms teach us something about the way we relate to one another that isn’t true？
Talking to Strangers is a classically Gladwellian intellectual adventure， a challenging and controversial excursion through history， psychology， and scandals taken straight from the news。 He revisits the deceptions of Bernie Madoff， the trial of Amanda Knox， the suicide of Sylvia Plath， the Jerry Sandusky pedophilia scandal at Penn State University， and the death of Sandra Bland—throwing our understanding of these and other stories into doubt。
Something is very wrong， Gladwell argues， with the tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don’t know。 And because we don’t know how to talk to strangers， we are inviting conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world。 In his first book since his #1 bestseller David and Goliath， Malcolm Gladwell has written a gripping guidebook for troubled times。
A Best Book of the Year: The Financial Times， Bloomberg， Chicago Tribune， and Detroit Free Press
How did Fidel Castro fool the CIA for a generation？ Why did Neville Chamberlain think he could trust Adolf Hitler？ Why are campus sexual assaults on the rise？ Do television sitcoms teach us something about the way we relate to one another that isn’t true？
Talking to Strangers is a classically Gladwellian intellectual adventure， a challenging and controversial excursion through history， psychology， and scandals taken straight from the news。 He revisits the deceptions of Bernie Madoff， the trial of Amanda Knox， the suicide of Sylvia Plath， the Jerry Sandusky pedophilia scandal at Penn State University， and the death of Sandra Bland—throwing our understanding of these and other stories into doubt。
Something is very wrong， Gladwell argues， with the tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don’t know。 And because we don’t know how to talk to strangers， we are inviting conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world。 In his first book since his #1 bestseller David and Goliath， Malcolm Gladwell has written a gripping guidebook for troubled times。
Reviews
Michelle Hyatt
，
Must readThis book was a page turner， I could hardly putIt down。 Gladwell is a master storyteller。 Absolutely fascinating。 You won't regret reading it。 Must readThis book was a page turner， I could hardly putIt down。 Gladwell is a master storyteller。 Absolutely fascinating。 You won't regret reading it。 。。。more
Solveig Christina
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This was so hard to read at just for the all the bad things that you have to deal with to get through Gladwell's points （CIA methods， rape， pedophilia， US police violence）。 It's definitely food for thought and I understand why many people are so upset about Gladwell's reasoning。 Still， I think the bigger picture he attempts to paint makes sense。 I don't think he's invalidating anybody's experience， he's rather providing possible explanations for why things could happen。 It doesn't change that th This was so hard to read at just for the all the bad things that you have to deal with to get through Gladwell's points （CIA methods， rape， pedophilia， US police violence）。 It's definitely food for thought and I understand why many people are so upset about Gladwell's reasoning。 Still， I think the bigger picture he attempts to paint makes sense。 I don't think he's invalidating anybody's experience， he's rather providing possible explanations for why things could happen。 It doesn't change that these things are still horrible and detestable， and should not happen。 The book is also not covering the fact that it always takes somebody， who should have reacted differently， to let them happen。Definitely food for thought。。。 。。。more
Samantha
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Interesting。
Meg
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Hmm。 Pretty much everything we know about organizational behavior gets turned upside here。 An absolutely fascinating dissection of how we cannot trust non verbal cues without understanding someone’s backstory。 Very worthwhile！ （The audio version includes extensive recordings and re-enactments of the trials， interviews， and historical events。）
Ashukla
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This book， perhaps the weakest by Gladwell， confirms what I always though but was afraid to say out loud: Gladwell is overrated。 Like some of his previous books， he has may be， a half a dozen insights that may make for a good 7-10 page chapter but he whips up a whole 350 page book using about as many case studies and a rambling narrative。 Sadly those insights are not even cohesively void to one stream of though this time。 Disappointed。
Bayley King
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This is easily one of the most incredible books a person could read。
David Baer
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This book is structured around the Sandra Bland incident， and it’s safe to say that Gladwell brings a different perspective to the incident。 Most of us who watch the Bland video conclude that the cop is a racist prick who deserved to get fired。 For myself， I don’t plan to mouth off to the cop if I get pulled over。 But I’ve driven a million miles， and I’ve gotten pulled over like five or six times in four decades of driving。 And when I did get pulled over， I really deserved it – like major speedi This book is structured around the Sandra Bland incident， and it’s safe to say that Gladwell brings a different perspective to the incident。 Most of us who watch the Bland video conclude that the cop is a racist prick who deserved to get fired。 For myself， I don’t plan to mouth off to the cop if I get pulled over。 But I’ve driven a million miles， and I’ve gotten pulled over like five or six times in four decades of driving。 And when I did get pulled over， I really deserved it – like major speeding， driving the wrong way， unnecessary noise， stuff like that。 I’ve never been pulled over for “improper lane change”， and if I ever am， I can see myself expressing displeasure about the situation。 As a White man， I feel pretty confident that I won’t get pulled out of the car and arrested even if I throw a few F bombs。 Sandra bland was 28 and had been pulled over more than a dozen times in her life and had accumulated many thousands of dollars of fines。I watch the Bland video and it’s infuriating。 I understand her irritation， who wouldn’t？ The cop came zooming up behind her and she pulled to the right to get out of his way， and now he’s ticketing her for improper lane change。 Not only that， but he seems to be needling her。 Where are you going？ Where have you been？ Are you OK？ （Why are you not happy and cheerful in this crappy situation？） The stuff she says is perfectly in line with what I would be thinking， except that she expresses herself with restraint and civility。 “You asked what’s wrong， and I told you。” Then she lights a cigarette and the cop freaks out and the next thing you know， she’s in jail。 Seen through Gladwell’s analysis， this isn’t about a bad cop; this isn’t about racism – it’s about the cop doing exactly what he was trained to do， and the problem is， he was trained based on false premises。 In the 1970s in Kansas City， there was a crime problem。 They tried a bunch of things that didn’t work， but some bright spark thought to make a map with fine-grained positions of crime incidents， and they determined that a high percentage of crime was coming from a handful of streets。 So they tried aggressive policing on those streets: pulling cars over on flimsy pretenses and questioning drivers with the express intent of “going beyond the ticket” and discovering criminal behavior。 Surprisingly， they made significant reduction in crime rates – crime didn’t simply move to other locations。 All the police forces in the country looked at this and said “let’s adopt that form of aggressive policing”。The problem is， the Kansas City model was designed for a specific situation of high crime rates in a small geographic area。 When you try to apply that model across the board， then you end up pulling over tens or hundreds of thousands of innocent people for every one actual criminal。 And the cops are looking at all of these innocent people and applying the false idea that they can detect criminal intent by evaluating people’s facial expressions and physical aspect。 This is a false idea because careful studies have shown that normal people， FBI agents， cops， whomever – cannot reliably detect people who are lying。 Cops are being trained to label people who fail to make eye contact as criminals。 The cop in the Sandra Bland case had received this training。 Instead of assuming Bland was a normal human being， he formed the opinion that she was preparing to attack him – because she seemed upset。So the lesson of Sandra Bland is not racism – it’s bad training。 It doesn’t make sense to assume that every teacher of our child is a pedophile， and it doesn’t make sense for cops to assume that every person they pull over is a drug dealer。 Society can’t function without a basic level of trust。 Systematically abrogating that trust produces more harm than good。I see several reviewers reacting very negatively to Gladwell's arguments in this book， and I think those criticisms have a lot of merit: I didn't really understand what he was getting at with the Sandusky thing， for instance， so I tuned out that whole chapter。 Same for the frat party rapist。 This idea that "it's really hard to tell what others are thinking" isn't the big all-encompassing idea that should change how we look at all manner of things。 The most cogent case was Sandra Bland and putting it in context with how that cop was trained to do his job， and how he was doing it day in and day out。 Even here， I have to admit that Gladwell completely fails to address racially-disparate policing outcomes and comes off sounding like he thinks racism isn't a thing。 I assume he doesn't really intend to take that position。 。。。more
Simone
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Some parts of this were intriguing and informative， but some parts felt limited or even harmful， particularly his discussions of sexual assault and suicide。 Those issues are really complicated， and he offers perspectives that have some value in considering， but I felt that he was missing some large crucial issues and/or failed to incorporate nuance in places where it would have helped the discussion。
Joe Pratt
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I’d always recommend listening to Malcolm Gladwell books because he has such a cool voice， but I’d especially recommend listening to this one。 He basically wrote it for he audiobook， including actual audio transcripts from the trials， interviews， and events he referenced throughout。 This book was super interesting。 I’m not sure it changed my mind about any big issues （the way his book Outliers changed the way I view taxes， for instance） but it was very thought provoking and engaging。 I’m a few d I’d always recommend listening to Malcolm Gladwell books because he has such a cool voice， but I’d especially recommend listening to this one。 He basically wrote it for he audiobook， including actual audio transcripts from the trials， interviews， and events he referenced throughout。 This book was super interesting。 I’m not sure it changed my mind about any big issues （the way his book Outliers changed the way I view taxes， for instance） but it was very thought provoking and engaging。 I’m a few days removed from finishing the book as I write this review， and I can’t remember any main message or thesis。 To me this suggests the book was more interesting than instructional （this isn’t necessarily a criticism）。 If you like Malcolm Gladwell books， I’d highly recommend this one。 If you want to learn if you like Malcolm Gladwell books I’d recommend starting with “Outliers” or his podcast to decide。 。。。more
Juby
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This book should be read by everyone and be required reading。 It really makes you think about human behavior and how we are all mistaken in interpreting what people do and say。 Gladwell discusses spies found in the DIA， the Amanda Knox situation， the death of Sandra Bland， the Stanford rape case all from the lens of mistakes in assessing human behavior。 I don’t think we will ever be 100% accurate in our assessment of those around us， but this book makes me want to be more careful about making as This book should be read by everyone and be required reading。 It really makes you think about human behavior and how we are all mistaken in interpreting what people do and say。 Gladwell discusses spies found in the DIA， the Amanda Knox situation， the death of Sandra Bland， the Stanford rape case all from the lens of mistakes in assessing human behavior。 I don’t think we will ever be 100% accurate in our assessment of those around us， but this book makes me want to be more careful about making assumptions。 。。。more
Jeremy
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A Little SurfaceyLike any Malcolm Gladwell book， there are tons of surprising facts， unearthed stories set inside familiar settings， and unexpected conclusions。 It's all well written and fun to read， but it all feels a little like a parlor trick dressed up as sociology。 A Little SurfaceyLike any Malcolm Gladwell book， there are tons of surprising facts， unearthed stories set inside familiar settings， and unexpected conclusions。 It's all well written and fun to read， but it all feels a little like a parlor trick dressed up as sociology。 。。。more
Dan Avramescu
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Compared to previous works of Malcom Gladwell， which I enthusiastically enjoyed， this book is so poor that I felt like he tasked some interns to write it。 It feels like an academic review paper of a few cases of murder， pedophilia and rape with way too many details which are unrelevant to the theme of the book。 It was completely unenjoyable， and I felt like the sole purpose of this book is to scare everyone away from talking to anyone they don't know。 This is just my personal opinion， but I woul Compared to previous works of Malcom Gladwell， which I enthusiastically enjoyed， this book is so poor that I felt like he tasked some interns to write it。 It feels like an academic review paper of a few cases of murder， pedophilia and rape with way too many details which are unrelevant to the theme of the book。 It was completely unenjoyable， and I felt like the sole purpose of this book is to scare everyone away from talking to anyone they don't know。 This is just my personal opinion， but I would not recommend reading it unless you want to depress yourself。 。。。more
Jim Archambeau
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Another great one from Malcolm Gladwell。 An eye opening look into social situations with strangers and challenge what we think we know about communication， reading people and how the environment around us plays into it。 A great read for everyone。
Lynna Goldhar Smith
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Fascinating and thought provoking good fast read from Malcolm Gladwell。
Kristin
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Great audio production with excerpts or re-enactments interspersed throughout。
Megan
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Really struggling with how this book has so many rave reviews- it was so disjointed and I’m left completely confused about it’s point。Maybe Gladwell is an evil genius whereby his book is trying to say that humans tend to “default to trust” or default to truth （I。e。 we can’t see the B。S。）。。 and then his true test for the reader comes when we finish the book and we realize the book itself is B。S。？ The book hit a real low point for me after I read this sentence: “So maybe real life isn’t like “Frie Really struggling with how this book has so many rave reviews- it was so disjointed and I’m left completely confused about it’s point。Maybe Gladwell is an evil genius whereby his book is trying to say that humans tend to “default to trust” or default to truth （I。e。 we can’t see the B。S。）。。 and then his true test for the reader comes when we finish the book and we realize the book itself is B。S。？ The book hit a real low point for me after I read this sentence: “So maybe real life isn’t like “Friends”” （the tv show）。 Wow- thank goodness I had Gladwell to point that one out to me。。 all this time…I could write a novel length review about all of the reasons I disliked this book， but instead I’ll leave it at this: read this book if you want to shake your head in confusion and annoyance and say “WTF” repeatedly。 。。。more
Alexander Labinsky
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Once again， Malcolm Gladwell puts together a host of fascinating stories to swing home one major point: Do not get paranoid if you’re duped by strangers once or twice but accept that as an inevitable part of human nature， because otherwise the fallout would be to grave。 It is a very strong case to default for truth and why muddled interactions are just about to happen again and again and again。 A very important book in our times。 Highly recommended， 5 out of 5 stars。
Genevieve
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Interesting how it was made to be an audiobook。 Interesting topics but just not my kind of book。
Ty Bradley
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This book is super well written。 Very interesting case studies。 I love learning about a ton of different topics in one book。 The structuring to support his point is also exceptionally well done。 The downside is I thought it was gross that he was basically chalking the Brock Turner case down to miscommunication。
Eric J。 Lyman
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At first is seems like a misnomer that a self-proclaimed introvert like Malcolm Gladwell will write a book about taking to strangers。 But as I got further into the book I realized it was a perfect match。 The same way someone who has worked to learn a language can have an advantage as a teacher of that language than someone who grew up with the language and has "always" known it， Gladwell offers insights into communicating with strangers as someone who has struggled with that skill。But this is no At first is seems like a misnomer that a self-proclaimed introvert like Malcolm Gladwell will write a book about taking to strangers。 But as I got further into the book I realized it was a perfect match。 The same way someone who has worked to learn a language can have an advantage as a teacher of that language than someone who grew up with the language and has "always" known it， Gladwell offers insights into communicating with strangers as someone who has struggled with that skill。But this is not a self-help book for the shy。 The main points are about the end of non0verbal cues we get in conversation and how they can be misunderstood。 He urges patience and cautions against judging someone -- positively or negatively -- prematurely， which seems wise and true。I don't want to include any spoilers and so I won't go into too much detail in my summary。 But I will say that my favorite among the examples Gladwell uses is about the Mountain Climber， a spy， and my least favorite is about Amanda Knox， the American student charged with killing her roommate in Italy。 As someone who wrote about the Knox case and followed the Knox case closely， I believe Gladwell is guilty of drawing inaccurate conclusions in a way he cautions against in this book。 I enjoy Gladwell's writing and lectures and am inclined， fairly or unfairly， to give him the benefit of the doubt and so I decide to believe the discussion of the Knox case is a mistake he makes that proves the broader rule。 。。。more
Fud
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Another StunnerMalcolm Gladwell once again has identified an important social and societal dynamic， done his homework， and eloquently shared his results and his own emotions and thoughts。 You will be moved and you will never talk to strangers the same way again。
Ann Wells Kiniry
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I’ve read several mixed reviews and can totally see why people don’t like this book。 However， I loved this quote by Malcom Gladwell from an interview he did with GoodReads: "I've never been a writer who's looked to persuade his readers; I'm more interested in capturing their interest and curiosity。”That hit for me。 I always enjoy Gladwell’s perspective because it’s so different from my initial reaction to the topics he discusses in his books and podcast。Do I always agree with it？ Nope。 But does I’ve read several mixed reviews and can totally see why people don’t like this book。 However， I loved this quote by Malcom Gladwell from an interview he did with GoodReads: "I've never been a writer who's looked to persuade his readers; I'm more interested in capturing their interest and curiosity。”That hit for me。 I always enjoy Gladwell’s perspective because it’s so different from my initial reaction to the topics he discusses in his books and podcast。Do I always agree with it？ Nope。 But does he get me thinking bigger picture？ Yep。 Would this be a great book for a book club to discuss？ HECK YEAH！The topics discussed in this book are heavy and some of Gladwell’s opinions are a stretch for me。 But we’ll agree to disagree。At the end of the day， I love the research that goes into everything he does。 I appreciate the way he lays out the facts and states his thoughts。 He always captures my interest and curiosity， so this was a win in my opinion！ 。。。more
JS
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Great book。 Digs deeper than the common narrative。 Reminds me of a classy freakonomics book， which is high praise
Miriam Kahn
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Audiobook。。。 GREAT listen 。
Ryan Hill
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As always， Gladwell leaps to some conclusions but the observations he makes and points he brings forward are well worth considering。 In this case， the observations on cross-experience communication barriers and how we react to people in our perceived in group vs out group。
Anna Bassett
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I’m feeling a little conflicted about giving this book a star rating， so why not take this opportunity to write a review （will this be a thing for me now？？？）。 Overall， I was intrigued by this book， particularly listening to it on audio。 What made me hesitant to leave a review was Gladwell’s conclusion about defaulting to truth — his terminology to explain that we presume others are honest because we don’t consider that they might be using deception。 While I understand his desire to assume the be I’m feeling a little conflicted about giving this book a star rating， so why not take this opportunity to write a review （will this be a thing for me now？？？）。 Overall， I was intrigued by this book， particularly listening to it on audio。 What made me hesitant to leave a review was Gladwell’s conclusion about defaulting to truth — his terminology to explain that we presume others are honest because we don’t consider that they might be using deception。 While I understand his desire to assume the best in people， being able to do so comes from a place of extreme privilege that many other people cannot afford。 What also felt troubling was how this concept is used as an example to explain sexual assault cases。 Gladwell concludes his work by saying we have to understand， accept， and give grace when we default to truth， particularly in the cases of Jerry Sandusky and Larry Nassar。 This sentiment feels a little too close to excusing why survivors of these decades long child abuse cases were repeatedly dismissed and ignored。 There is absolutely no excuse in the world acceptable as to why dozens of people were complicit in covering up the extreme harm and danger that these minors endured in both the Penn State and Larry Nassar cases。 I would challenge Gladwell’s self-described desire to be optimistic — his intentions might be good， but ultimately came across as tone-deaf and maybe even dangerous to me。 I would still recommend listening or reading this book， but with an understanding that Gladwell’s ideas are far from perfect。 。。。more
Britney
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 3。5 rating。 Started with espionage and insane intrigue， but had some really hard parts to get through for different reasons。 Definitely not a “feel good” type of book， but interesting and makes you think。 I started with the paperback but somebody suggested the audiobook since it is a great production and I’m glad I did！ I like when stories are used to explain a concept， but some of the stories were heavy and probably needed a content warning… sexual assault， murder， suicide。 Spoiler: It started 3。5 rating。 Started with espionage and insane intrigue， but had some really hard parts to get through for different reasons。 Definitely not a “feel good” type of book， but interesting and makes you think。 I started with the paperback but somebody suggested the audiobook since it is a great production and I’m glad I did！ I like when stories are used to explain a concept， but some of the stories were heavy and probably needed a content warning… sexual assault， murder， suicide。 Spoiler: It started out great， but seemed to fizzle out at the end and was inconclusive。 It felt more like a commentary on society with no conclusion which is why I didn’t rate it very high。 。。。more
Kendall W Austin
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Cannot recommend the audiobook enough！ An insightful exploration on human nature and encounters with those we don't know， and all we think we know but don't。 Cannot recommend the audiobook enough！ An insightful exploration on human nature and encounters with those we don't know， and all we think we know but don't。 。。。more
Catherine
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This book had a lot of information thrown together and cohesively such that I wouldn’t be able to summarize all of it for anyone else。 I’d just have to say read it。 To incorporate this with the deepest well book about adverse childhood experiences， I would posit our inability to leave room for everyone else also having an ace score and reacting to toxic stress while also dealing with our own inability to regulate toxic stress due to our ace scores， may be even more dangerous in interactions betw This book had a lot of information thrown together and cohesively such that I wouldn’t be able to summarize all of it for anyone else。 I’d just have to say read it。 To incorporate this with the deepest well book about adverse childhood experiences， I would posit our inability to leave room for everyone else also having an ace score and reacting to toxic stress while also dealing with our own inability to regulate toxic stress due to our ace scores， may be even more dangerous in interactions between strangers。 Which I feel Gladwell almost got there with his looking at the Sandra Bland stop from both sides。 Both were experiencing fear。 And both reacted in ways they were taught via aces to cope with that fear。 。。。more
Jane
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