Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There
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- Create Date：2021-11-17 06:53:44
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Tara Schuster
- ISBN：0525509909
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Summary
Brutally honest， often hilarious， hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a former vice president at Comedy Central who was called "ahead of her time" by Jordan Peele
"You're going to want Tara Schuster to become your new best friend。" — Glennon Doyle， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed
"Compelling， persuasive， and useful no matter where you are in your life。" — Chelsea Handler， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me
By the time she was in her late twenties， Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom。 By all appearances， she had mastered being a grown-up。 But beneath that veneer of success， she was a chronically anxious， self-medicating mess。 No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression， anxiety， and shame， owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing。 She realized she'd hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help。
Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara's path to re-parenting herself and becoming a "ninja of self-love。" Through simple， daily rituals， Tara transformed her mind， body， and relationships， and shows how to
– fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude
– excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness
– identify your self-limiting beliefs， kick them to the curb， and start living a life you choose
– silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism
– carve out time each morning to start your day empowered， inspired， and ready to rule
– create a life you truly， totally f*cking LOVE
This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid， hysterical， addictively readable， practical guide to growing up （no matter where you are in life） and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it's-so-cheesy way。
"You're going to want Tara Schuster to become your new best friend。" — Glennon Doyle， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed
"Compelling， persuasive， and useful no matter where you are in your life。" — Chelsea Handler， #1 New York Times bestselling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me
By the time she was in her late twenties， Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom。 By all appearances， she had mastered being a grown-up。 But beneath that veneer of success， she was a chronically anxious， self-medicating mess。 No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression， anxiety， and shame， owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing。 She realized she'd hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help。
Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara's path to re-parenting herself and becoming a "ninja of self-love。" Through simple， daily rituals， Tara transformed her mind， body， and relationships， and shows how to
– fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude
– excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness
– identify your self-limiting beliefs， kick them to the curb， and start living a life you choose
– silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism
– carve out time each morning to start your day empowered， inspired， and ready to rule
– create a life you truly， totally f*cking LOVE
This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid， hysterical， addictively readable， practical guide to growing up （no matter where you are in life） and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it's-so-cheesy way。
Reviews
Ashley Gillen
，
I really enjoyed this book。 She has great suggestions and is also quite funny！ I listened to this as an audio book and highly suggest listening to it。
Olivia
，
Fun and light hearted， could have done without all the thank you notes of boyfriend's past。 Fun and light hearted， could have done without all the thank you notes of boyfriend's past。 。。。more
Amy
，
While I don’t think my life needs “fixing，” I do like a good self help book to offer perspective。 This one had some takeaways: I should， indeed， but myself the fucking lilies （I deserve the best！）。 I should keep a journal for oh so many reasons。 I should work to repair that relationship that makes me feel sad when I think about it’s brokenness。 My house should be guest ready at all times because it would make me feel better about what I have。 Those were good things to hear。 Did I need to hear ho While I don’t think my life needs “fixing，” I do like a good self help book to offer perspective。 This one had some takeaways: I should， indeed， but myself the fucking lilies （I deserve the best！）。 I should keep a journal for oh so many reasons。 I should work to repair that relationship that makes me feel sad when I think about it’s brokenness。 My house should be guest ready at all times because it would make me feel better about what I have。 Those were good things to hear。 Did I need to hear how much Tara loves me？ No; that’s super weird。 Can I relate to neglectful parents who couldn’t show live in any way？ Fortunately not。 。。。more
Corinne
，
I actively disliked this book。 The writing was obnoxious and the humor fell flat 90% of the time。 I understand the writer was trying to make it cute and conversational， but “though” is spelled “though” and not “tho”。 🤬Moves like that， all the social media shorthand （AF， IRL， …）， and the repetition， got tiring。 Her tone was not for me。 I read books because they’re NOT social media。 Shame on the publisher for not having more respect for writing。 The two stars come from the premise， and the clever I actively disliked this book。 The writing was obnoxious and the humor fell flat 90% of the time。 I understand the writer was trying to make it cute and conversational， but “though” is spelled “though” and not “tho”。 🤬Moves like that， all the social media shorthand （AF， IRL， …）， and the repetition， got tiring。 Her tone was not for me。 I read books because they’re NOT social media。 Shame on the publisher for not having more respect for writing。 The two stars come from the premise， and the clever title。 I hope people read this and benefit from it。 Schuster has drawn valuable conclusions about life and it sounds like she’s happy where she’s landed。 Although I’m definitely not a fan of her writing， I’m glad。This may be an enjoyable read for someone in their early twenties who doesn’t mind the absence of well-crafted writing。 It reminded me of Cheryl Strayed and Elizabeth Gilbert， whose books I also found to be fairly obnoxious and self-absorbed。 Schuster praises both of them more than once in this book。 If you enjoyed those and are up for a more immature version of the same， give it a go。 。。。more
Elise
，
I appreciated the tone the author took in this cheerleading guide to pumping you up。 At the end of the day， it seemed another in a line of books trying to alleviate the guilt we often feel for treating ourselves well。 Self-help book fans will likely enjoy this a great deal。
Allison Berkowitz
，
This started out really strong and compelling。 I enjoyed her stories and she gave me some things to think about。 But it felt kind of meandering and less impactful as it went on。 Enjoyable much of the time， but not the direction I was hoping。
Meg
，
I very rarely don't finish books but I only got about halfway through this one。 It's not earth shattering and has a lot of unnecessary and mundane detailing in it that is very "girl wash your face" style and I couldn't bring myself to waste more reading time on it。 Like she says， no point in doing things you don't want to do just because you feel like you should。 Or maybe it wasn't her。 Maybe it was someone else。 At a certain point they all sound generic and the same。 I very rarely don't finish books but I only got about halfway through this one。 It's not earth shattering and has a lot of unnecessary and mundane detailing in it that is very "girl wash your face" style and I couldn't bring myself to waste more reading time on it。 Like she says， no point in doing things you don't want to do just because you feel like you should。 Or maybe it wasn't her。 Maybe it was someone else。 At a certain point they all sound generic and the same。 。。。more
Michelle Qiu
，
real practical advice to get your shit together - after a week of using these tips， i really think it works
Shirley
，
Down to earth advice on life given in a no holds barred way which made it easy to read and understand。 Openly honest and interesting。
Aimee
，
Things I Liked About This Book:1。 Writing thank you notes on a regular basis is a cute idea。 I might try it。 Things I Hated About This Book:1。 Appropriation of indigenous religious practices2。 The author’s glaring privilege that is by and large unchecked by any amount of self-awareness3。 The use of the term “lady harem” for her friend group 4。 The fact that this， like many other “self help” books， ignore the issues of ableism completely （pushing your body past points of pain to achieve accomplis Things I Liked About This Book:1。 Writing thank you notes on a regular basis is a cute idea。 I might try it。 Things I Hated About This Book:1。 Appropriation of indigenous religious practices2。 The author’s glaring privilege that is by and large unchecked by any amount of self-awareness3。 The use of the term “lady harem” for her friend group 4。 The fact that this， like many other “self help” books， ignore the issues of ableism completely （pushing your body past points of pain to achieve accomplishments or “just putting things away when you’re done with them” aren’t feasible for a large portion of people， let’s be frank） 。。。more
Chelle Jo
，
It took me 3 tries to finish this book but I finally did it。 I would’ve liked this more as a memoir than a “self help” book but there were some pretty good tips。
Sally Darr Griffin
，
I really liked this book！ While it didn't change my life， it helped me recognize what I do well， and what I could improve on。I'm proud of myself for things like。。。- making my bed every morning- hiking- having a good skin care routine- finding friends who cheer me on- actively following my dreamsBut i also recognize that i need to be better about。。。- buying myself the lilies- stressing about money- believing people when they tell you who they are （don't interpret what men say to fix your crazy da I really liked this book！ While it didn't change my life， it helped me recognize what I do well， and what I could improve on。I'm proud of myself for things like。。。- making my bed every morning- hiking- having a good skin care routine- finding friends who cheer me on- actively following my dreamsBut i also recognize that i need to be better about。。。- buying myself the lilies- stressing about money- believing people when they tell you who they are （don't interpret what men say to fix your crazy daydream！！！）- remembering that no one notices me as much as I notice me- treating myself like I'm a guest in my own home！！！ 。。。more
Stephanie Romaniuk
，
Each chapter has a different lesson to learn and the book is organized very well。 Lots of tangible work to do and Tara makes it all feel within reach。 Now that I've read it in full， I can't wait to go back and start picking one thing at a time to work on！ Each chapter has a different lesson to learn and the book is organized very well。 Lots of tangible work to do and Tara makes it all feel within reach。 Now that I've read it in full， I can't wait to go back and start picking one thing at a time to work on！ 。。。more
Elena
，
LOVEEED
Janice Love
，
Much better than I thought it would be， but nothing ground-breaking。
Sarah
，
I loved it。 Down to earth， helpful， funny， inspiring， practical。 Please consider this review a recommendation for all friends and family members interested in bettering their lives through rituals and slightly embarrassing stories told by a Comedy Central employee who went through some shit and saw the other side。
Stacey
，
Audiobook。
Nat
，
I was definitely in a rough patch in my life and wanted to get into reading again and so this book caught my eye and I fell inloveeee with it。 I took so much of her advice。 I cried and laughed while reading。 It’s literally a friend in a book。 Since I annotated it and wrote a whole bunch of things in this book， it’s definitely something I will reread in the future and cherish。
Laura Kearney
，
So many great takeaways。 Loved every minute of this book！
Emily
，
Historically， I have liked the "memoir/short story" genre。 I didn't know who Tara Schuster was， but I'm glad that she opted for this blend of personal stories with self-help。 Increasingly， I've been feeling like celebrities who write their essays have little to no content。 Instead， Tara brings us a mix of stories along with advice。 Tara's story alone is not unique; her family sucks， she has had body issues， anxiety is everywhere。 I like that she is both relatable in that regard and that she frea Historically， I have liked the "memoir/short story" genre。 I didn't know who Tara Schuster was， but I'm glad that she opted for this blend of personal stories with self-help。 Increasingly， I've been feeling like celebrities who write their essays have little to no content。 Instead， Tara brings us a mix of stories along with advice。 Tara's story alone is not unique; her family sucks， she has had body issues， anxiety is everywhere。 I like that she is both relatable in that regard and that she freaking did something about it。 I had personally already begun growing and implementing this type of advice long before her， but that didn't diminish how I liked her humor and ideas。There is a problem in society where people make excuses for everything。 Tara is proposing for personal choices to build a better life。 It's as simple as setting goals， going on jogs， getting yourself ready for the day， having a ritual， and/or treating yourself to the lilies。 It was refreshing to read about someone who actively is taking charge of life。In my opinion， the biggest drawback was the false sense of "ego-boosting" self-esteem that she bestowed on the reader。 When it's， "I already think you're great！！" - it comes across as insincere。（The audiobook， narrated by Tara herself， was fun！） 。。。more
Gail
，
saw this book at a bookstore and had no idea what to expect。 the title is a pretty good representation of what you get: solid advice dispensed in a slightly cringey manner。 if you can look past the author's "hay gurls it's ur basic b， t money， here！" tone， there are lots of great nuggets of wisdom here。as someone who lives a fairly privileged life， has all the ingredients that should lead to success on paper， and yet was a fucking mess of emotional immaturity barely holding it together for much saw this book at a bookstore and had no idea what to expect。 the title is a pretty good representation of what you get: solid advice dispensed in a slightly cringey manner。 if you can look past the author's "hay gurls it's ur basic b， t money， here！" tone， there are lots of great nuggets of wisdom here。as someone who lives a fairly privileged life， has all the ingredients that should lead to success on paper， and yet was a fucking mess of emotional immaturity barely holding it together for much of my twenties， it was nice discovering someone else had a very similar journey。 it's heartwarming to hear someone go from enduring life and doing what they're "supposed" to do to actually liking their life。 all the advice and exercises described to get your shit together are precisely ones i'd pass on to others。 （i laughed when she described how she got over her embarrassment of her body the same way i did -- go to a korean spa where everyone is naked and no one gives a fuck what you look like。）the thing i admire most about schuster is that she recognized she was flailing about in life and decided to actually *do* something about it。 i loved hearing her inner monologue pre-criticize stuff she thought was cheesy or shameful （like gratitude journaling， getting on SSRIs） but ultimately decide to try it anyway because the stuff she'd already tried （self-medicating with pot or alcohol， continuously berating herself） obviously wasn't working。i hope her book inspires more people to take care of themselves， heal their past traumas， and become people who are capable of being good friends and partners。 。。。more
Candace
，
The themes of re-parenting & cultivating the life I want resonated。 We've both navigated through similar life experiences。However， the abbreviated social media slang， even in the audiobook， weakened the overall message。 It was childlike， reducing the value of some of the learned lessons。 This is a book， not a blog。 It can still have a conversational， "friends sharing information" tone with proper English。With that said， there are a number of great daily habit & self-care suggestions that I will The themes of re-parenting & cultivating the life I want resonated。 We've both navigated through similar life experiences。However， the abbreviated social media slang， even in the audiobook， weakened the overall message。 It was childlike， reducing the value of some of the learned lessons。 This is a book， not a blog。 It can still have a conversational， "friends sharing information" tone with proper English。With that said， there are a number of great daily habit & self-care suggestions that I will implement to intentionally create the life I want。 。。。more
Kimberly Williams
，
Tara nailed a fabulous life-improving， re-parenting manual that was a pleasure to read。 My first book with text acronyms。
Gabija Pluke
，
This was so painfully millennial。 It felt like a talk with my older cousin who just put her kid down， poured herself a second glass of white wine on ice， and started to dish out her deep knowledge。 Yeah， I might cry a few times but I'm not completely on board。 All in all， the book might be good for those who have a high tolerance for millennial try-hard humour and not sure at all where to start living at all。 This book did make me buy some sunflowers though。 This was so painfully millennial。 It felt like a talk with my older cousin who just put her kid down， poured herself a second glass of white wine on ice， and started to dish out her deep knowledge。 Yeah， I might cry a few times but I'm not completely on board。 All in all， the book might be good for those who have a high tolerance for millennial try-hard humour and not sure at all where to start living at all。 This book did make me buy some sunflowers though。 。。。more
Mary
，
I wasn't expecting to like this when， not far in， the author claimed to have come up independently with the term "re-parenting" - insert eye roll here。 However， I was pleasantly surprised with the helpful reminders and thoughtful ideas and， honestly， a good bit of the book really spoke to me。 Other parts， not so much。 As someone who's sober， the chapter on alcohol was especially cringy。 I would recommend this book to others， albeit with some big ol caveats， and it was a mostly enjoyable read。 I wasn't expecting to like this when， not far in， the author claimed to have come up independently with the term "re-parenting" - insert eye roll here。 However， I was pleasantly surprised with the helpful reminders and thoughtful ideas and， honestly， a good bit of the book really spoke to me。 Other parts， not so much。 As someone who's sober， the chapter on alcohol was especially cringy。 I would recommend this book to others， albeit with some big ol caveats， and it was a mostly enjoyable read。 。。。more
Flo
，
Why is F*cking and Bull* the trend for authors to put on their book titles？ I've read so many now， I think it's code for， not a very good book。 Why is F*cking and Bull* the trend for authors to put on their book titles？ I've read so many now， I think it's code for， not a very good book。 。。。more
Keara Miller
，
I loved that the self-help was guided through a memoir。 Tara’s book was crazy relatable to my own life with a difficult childhood and counting on friends as my family。 She clearly has pulled herself out from the trenches and made me feel so completely normal and empowered。 Also， Tara gets big bonus points for making me laugh as if I’m having wine with a girlfriend。 Definitely recommend！
Vangie Sternstein
，
I highlighted a lot of passages from this book！ Insightful， sad， funny and very good。 I’m recommending it to all of my friends。
Anna
，
I couldn't actually finish it and returned it。 I couldn't actually finish it and returned it。 。。。more
Ashlie
，