Happiness Is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual
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- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Dennis Prager
- ISBN：0060987359
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Summary
In this unique blend of self-help and moral philosophy， talk-radio host Dennis Prager asserts that we're actually obligated to be happy， because it makes us better people。 Achieving that happiness won't be easy， though: to Prager， it requires a continuing process of counting your blessings and giving up any expectations that life is supposed to be wonderful。 "Can we decide to be satisfied with what we have？" he asks。 "A poor man who can make himself satisfied with his portion will be happier than a wealthy man who does not allow himself to be satisfied。" Prager echoes other political commentators in complaining that too many people today see themselves as victims; he submits that the only way to achieve your desires is to take responsibility for your life rather than blaming others。 Whether or not you agree with that view， if you're willing to put some thought into achieving a happier outlook， you will find plenty to mull over in Happiness Is a Serious Problem。
Reviews
Adnan
，
This is one of those very simple books that talk about happiness， without deep philosophical， but offers fatherly advice on how one can live a good and principled life that will， hopefully， make him happy。To boot， happiness， like most books about happiness （including Russell's The Conquest of Happiness） is not defined。 Whether happiness can be or cannot be defined is also unaddressed。 But it never needed to be， nor could happiness be defined in such an exposition。 The book talks about morality a This is one of those very simple books that talk about happiness， without deep philosophical， but offers fatherly advice on how one can live a good and principled life that will， hopefully， make him happy。To boot， happiness， like most books about happiness （including Russell's The Conquest of Happiness） is not defined。 Whether happiness can be or cannot be defined is also unaddressed。 But it never needed to be， nor could happiness be defined in such an exposition。 The book talks about morality and sensation of pleasure， about principles and self-control， about family values， about very traditional and conservative ethics that are still very applicable and admirable today。 （None of this， resist the temptation to have gay sex so that you can be happy with the Lord's blessing。 But， refrain from casual sex and get married as soon as possible， if you can， and be faithful to your wife。）The most important premise the book talks about is The Missing Tile Syndrome: That we are eternally dissatisfied， because there is something missing from our lives。 Like Augustine's Confessions， the book reminds us that no one can escape our drive to the simple pleasures， no matter how corrosive they are to a fulfilling life; so one should train him or herself to control one's emotions and one's actions。 The usual stoic advice。 This， no matter where one goes， no matter how scholarly one tries to become， does not and cannot be brushed aside。 We are dealt with a fatal blow as a species， for having freedom of will， and we are not a species that relishes in defeat， but to crawl with dignity and grace towards survival with a semblance of meaningful existence。 。。。more
Toni Doll
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Everyone who wants to be a happy person should read this book
Tzvi
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Important messages。
Troy Dukart
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To learn how to be happy， read this book。Dennis Prager is a hero of mine。 His wisdom and his mission to spread good and honor his country is a gift from God。 Mr。 Prager will help you understand what you need to know about the human heart and nature itself that will astound you。I have a very special place in my heart for this great， great man and all of his work。 He is truly 1 in a million and his books will change your life。
Suitebarbie
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This book is exactly what everyone needs to read！ So grateful for my dear friend who recommended this to me！
Negin
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I love Dennis Prager’s wisdom and common-sense。 I’ve been a fan of his for more than two decades。 This is the sort of book that I’m quite sure I’ll be reading again and again。 The sections and chapters are short， user-friendly， and easy to read when you have a few minutes here and there。 As always， with Dennis Prager， it was challenging for me to pick my favorite quotes。 Here are some of them。 Comparison is the Enemy of Contentment“… the less we know about the people with whom we compare ourselv I love Dennis Prager’s wisdom and common-sense。 I’ve been a fan of his for more than two decades。 This is the sort of book that I’m quite sure I’ll be reading again and again。 The sections and chapters are short， user-friendly， and easy to read when you have a few minutes here and there。 As always， with Dennis Prager， it was challenging for me to pick my favorite quotes。 Here are some of them。 Comparison is the Enemy of Contentment“… the less we know about the people with whom we compare ourselves， the more dramatic the difference in assumed happiness。 In the inimitable words of Helen Telushkin， philosopher， homemaker， and mother of my friend， the writer Joseph Telushkin， ‘The only happy people I know are people I don’t know well。This observation is a one-sentence antidote to this obstacle to happiness （comparing ourselves with others）。 If all of us realized that the people with whom we negatively compare our happiness are plagued by pains and demons of which we know little or nothing， we would stop comparing our happiness with others’。”Everyone has Been Wounded“From the moment of our birth， life cannot give us all that we desire， and often it cannot even give us what we need。 Life is difficult even when it is wonderful， and for many people it is only difficult， not wonderful。”“Everyone has been wounded。 It is almost inevitable that our parents will wound us in some way。 If we are not wounded by our parents， we may be wounded by the death or illness of a parent or sibling， by a bitter marriage or bitter divorce， or if our immediate family is close to idyllic， we might be wounded by some other adult who abuses us or peers who mock us。 An unscarred childhood is possible but very rare。” Expectations“In general， expectations lead to unhappiness。”“For most people in most circumstances， expectations are unnecessary impediments to happiness。 When expectations are unfulfilled， they cause gratuitous pain， and when they are fulfilled， they diminish gratitude， the most important element in happiness。” “Expecting to get what we want is immaturity， not optimism， and adults cannot long sustain happiness while holding immature beliefs。”“How do you begin minimizing expectations？ First， do not fear that having expectations will make you either less optimistic or less successful。 Second， acknowledge the destructive role that expectations usually play in your life。 Third， take an inventory of your life and begin to express gratitude for all the good in it。 With each thing for which you regularly express gratitude， you will implicitly end your expectations of having it。” Find the Positive“Those who choose to find the positive that can be found in virtually every situation will be blessed。 Those who choose to find the awful in every situation will be cursed。 As with happiness itself， this is largely your decision to make。”Friends“While shared values aren’t sufficient for friendship， friendship is impossible without shared values。 In fact， one reason people are hurt by those they had considered friends is that friends are too often chosen without attention to their values。”“One way to test whether you have chosen your friends wisely is to ask yourself why they are your friends。 If your only answer is that you like them and they are fun to be with （certainly important components of friendship）， you probably haven’t given consideration to their values。 Or try this: what case could you make to people who have never met your friends to prove that your friends are good people？”“Pay as much attention to how these people treat others， especially people from whom they need nothing， as to how they treat you。 Watch， for example， how your prospective friends treat waiters and waitresses。 Do they treat them as inferiors to be ordered around or with politeness and generosity？ A person’s employees or the janitor where the person works can often tell you more about an individual’s character better in ten minutes than do the person’s acquaintances of many years。 People always treat others decently when they want something from them – for example， friendship， sex， money， marriage。 That someone treats you well may therefore reveal nothing about that person’s character and therefore give no indication about how that individual will treat you later， under other circumstances。”Fun“Most people believe that happiness and fun are virtually identical。 Ask them， for example， to imagine a scene of happy people。 Most people immediately conjure up a picture of people having fun （e。g。 laughing， playing games， drinking at a party）。 Few people imagine a couple raising children， a couple married thirty years， someone reading a great book， or people doing any of the other things that really do bring happiness。” “… fun is temporary， happiness is ongoing。 Or to put it another way， fun is during， happiness is during and after。”Gratitude“… there is a ‘secret to happiness’ – and it is gratitude。 All happy people are grateful， and ungrateful people cannot be happy。 We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain， but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy。 Become grateful and you will become a much happier person。”“… instead of allowing the enormity of the world’s sufferings to make me unhappy， I have allowed it to increase the depth of my gratitude for the blessed life that I have been allowed to lead。 You can look at the amount of suffering in the world and become bitter （this world stinks）， cynical （nothing matters， it’s all just a roulette game）， or hedonistic （with all this suffering， I’ll rack up all the fun I can） – or you can be grateful for your blessings。”“One cannot be a good person without gratitude， and one cannot be a happy person without gratitude。 This provides a vital link between goodness and happiness。”Happiness and Circumstances“We determine how much we will allow something to make us unhappy。 That we can determine our emotional response to events is hard for many people to acknowledge。 Most people think that events make them unhappy， that their happiness level is essentially dictated by what happens to them。 But this is untrue。”“In all my studies of happiness， one of the most significant conclusions I have drawn is that there is little correlation between the circumstances of people’s lives and how happy they are。 A moment’s reflection should make this obvious to anyone。 We know people who have a relatively easy life and who are essentially unhappy， and we know people who have suffered a great deal but maintained a relatively high level of happiness。”Hard Work is Needed“Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work。 Happiness is not an exception。”“I have not written this book in the belief that everyone can be equally happy。 Some people will always be happier than others， just as some people will always play the piano better than others。 But just as nearly all of us， with good teaching and self-discipline， could play the piano much better than we do now， nearly all of us， with good teaching and self-discipline， could be happier than we are now。” “Is It Meaningful？”“To be a good person， it is always necessary to ask before doing something， ‘Is it right？’ To be physically fit， it is necessary to ask before eating something， ‘Is it healthful？’ To be a happy person， it is necessary to ask before acting， ‘Is it meaningful？’ The problem， of course， is that the good action， the healthful food， and the meaningful behavior are rarely the most enticing of our choices – which only proves， once again， that the greatest battle for happiness is with our own nature。” Losing a Spouse“Only marriage combines all three forms of companionship - spouse is family， best friend， and permanent companion。 This is why it is widely held that while the death of a child is the most painful loss， the death of a spouse is the most disorienting one。”Maturity is Lacking“The problem in our time is that maturity is not high on the list of goals we offer the next generation。 We stress happiness， success， and intelligence but not maturity。 And that is too bad， both for society， which suffers when too many of its members are immature， and for the individual who wants to be happy。 For happiness is not available to the immature。 And one of the prominent characteristics of immaturity is seeing oneself primarily as a victim。”Missing Tile Syndrome“The Missing Tile syndrome is ubiquitous。 If you are overweight， all you see are flat stomachs and perfect physical specimens。 If you have pimples， all you see is flawless skin。 Women who have difficulty getting pregnant walk around seeing only pregnant women and babies。 Nor do you need to be overweight， have pimples， be balding， or want a child to believe that you have a missing tile。 You can allow any real—or merely perceived—flaw to diminish your happiness。”Moderation“… happiness is attained through moderation。 Many people associate being moderate with being boring， and sometimes it surely is。 But for the great majority of people， moderation is essential to happiness， and moderation includes passion， excitement， and fun。 Indeed a life without passion， excitement， and fun is not a moderate one; it is an ascetic one。 Every great philosophy， religious and secular， Eastern and Western， has stressed that a happy and good life must emphasize moderation in all things。”A Moral Obligation“We owe it to our husband or wife， our fellow workers， our children， our friends， indeed to everyone who comes into our lives， to be as happy as we can be。 This does not mean acting unreal， and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us。 But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness。”Pain“Everything that leads to happiness involves pain。”“… Many people avoid some of the very things that would bring them the deepest happiness such as marriage， children， intellectually challenging pursuits， religious commitment， and volunteer work。 They fear the pain that inevitably accompanies such things and therefore devote more time to ‘fun’ things that bring little happiness， such as watching television。”“As the Psalmist put it millennia ago， ‘Those who sow in tears will reap in joy。’ Many people， however， believe that they can both sow and reap without tears。” Philosophy of Life“Without a philosophy of life， we do not know how to react to what life deals us。 Our happiness bounces up and down， determined by the day’s events and the immediate emotions they elicit rather than by sober reflection。 Without being able to place events into perspective—which comes from having a philosophy of life—we are at the mercy of events。 Our ship has no destination and no compass。”Raising Children“It is easier to perform surgery than to raise happy， healthy， good children – and surgeons are given years of specialized training， while most of us have to raise human beings from babyhood to adulthood with nothing but our own parents’ often very faulty model to guide us。” Self-Control“… when people think or write about happiness， self-control is rarely stressed。 … Yet happiness is impossible without self-control。 In fact， everything we want is impossible without self-control。 Ask anyone who has achieved what you particularly desire to achieve， and you will find a profoundly self-disciplined individual。”“If you want financial success， you need the self-control to waste little time on fun things that don’t contribute to your personal and professional development。 If you want happy and healthy children， you need the self-control to spend a great deal of time with them （thus depriving yourself of time to do what you want to do for yourself）。 If you want to be physically fit， you need the self-control to eat less fattening， less delicious foods and to exercise regularly。” “The only way to get what you ultimately want is to deny yourself short-term pleasures that interfere with your goal。”Social Movements“… when unhappy people try to help others by founding or joining social movements， they often do more harm than good。 There are good reasons to fear social movements made up of unhappy people who want to bring about social change。 Those left-wing and right-wing social movements that have destroyed tens of millions of lives were not composed of happy people。 They were composed of unhappy people who blamed their unhappiness on others （for Nazis， Jews; for Communists， capitalists） and who looked to movements of radical social change as a source of both happiness and meaning。 While there are times when the social order is so oppressive （living under a totalitarian regime is the best example） that personal happiness is essentially impossible， in relatively free societies the sources of one’s unhappiness are far more likely to be personal than social。”Trust“I have a simple rule that is of great value in identifying whom to trust: Do not choose friends on the basis of personality， ‘chemistry，’ or enjoyment alone。 Know their character （i。e。 their values and whether they act on those values） before you trust them。”Victimhood“… you cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim， even if you really are one。 There are a number of reasons: People who regard themselves as victims do not see themselves as in control of their lives。 Whatever happens in their lives happens to them， not by them。 People who primarily regard themselves as victims see the world as unfair to them in particular。 Just as the young student who always sees himself as ‘being picked on’ is an unhappy soul， so is the person who carries that attitude into adulthood。 People who regard themselves primarily as victims are angry people， and an angry disposition renders happiness impossible。 People who have chosen to regard themselves as victims cannot allow themselves to enjoy life， because enjoying life would challenge their perception of themselves as victims。”Waiting for Happiness“… given my view that tragedy is normal， I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy， rather than unhappy unless something makes me happy。 Most people go through life waiting for something wonderful to happen to make them happy。 My attitude is so long as nothing terrible is happening to us， we ought to be happy。” 。。。more
James
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Much of this book is excellent advice about happiness。 However， all of it comes from his experience and conversations with others。 Next to none of it is backed up by any sort of studies。 This makes it ok and worthy of three to four stars。 Take some advice and leave some in the book。 The reason I dropped it to one star is that in the one instance that he does back up something with a study he specifically points out that it is the exception and proceeds to disparage studies and researchers as a w Much of this book is excellent advice about happiness。 However， all of it comes from his experience and conversations with others。 Next to none of it is backed up by any sort of studies。 This makes it ok and worthy of three to four stars。 Take some advice and leave some in the book。 The reason I dropped it to one star is that in the one instance that he does back up something with a study he specifically points out that it is the exception and proceeds to disparage studies and researchers as a whole。 Academic and scientific research as a whole is not biased。 Yes， you can find biased results， but by and large and certainly when you consider it as a body it gives us good unbiased empirical data to use as a guide。 By explicitly ignoring the body of research in favor of your opinion you lose all of your credibility。 It is one thing to be ignorant but entirely another to purposefully ignore the research around you。 This is especially true for someone who says that they are an expert on the subject and lectures about it on a regular basis。 。。。more
Mariana María
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Very simple， clear， and well-written book about how to attain happiness。 It gives great examples and practical tips。 It is not religious book， but it does name religion as one of the ways to happiness。
Marietha Vermeulen
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If f i could give a book a thousand stars， this one would most definitly get all of them！ This is by far one the best non-fiction 'selfhelp' book i have ever read。。。 I'm quite familiar with Dennis' ideas， since i've watched a lot of his fireside chats on YouTube。 I got really curious when i found out he had written a book on happiness so many years ago。 This book was a marvelous work of all this values， moral codes and more。 It talks about happiness， and so at first i thought this book was going If f i could give a book a thousand stars， this one would most definitly get all of them！ This is by far one the best non-fiction 'selfhelp' book i have ever read。。。 I'm quite familiar with Dennis' ideas， since i've watched a lot of his fireside chats on YouTube。 I got really curious when i found out he had written a book on happiness so many years ago。 This book was a marvelous work of all this values， moral codes and more。 It talks about happiness， and so at first i thought this book was going to be another of those shallow books that only talk about short term happiness and nothing more。 However， this book dives deep into the human brain！ Hence the subtitle， a human nature repair manual。 It really is！ I would 100% reccomend this to anyone who wants to change of improve their outlook on life。 This book is a realistic， yet refreshing and upbeat read！Here i will put some of my favourite lines: （might be spoilers ahead， but it doesn't give that much away ;） ） （Some of these are slightly altered aswell， for context etc。）Page 4:' Unhappy religious people should think about how imporant being happy is is- if not for themselves， then for the sake of their religion。 Unhappy， let alone angry， religious poeple provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secularism than do all the arguments of atheists。'Page 12: 'I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy， rather than unhappy unless something makes me happy。'Page 17: 'Because human nature is insatiable， our brain， with its rational and philosophical abilites， not our nature， must be the arbiter of wether we are happy。'Page 19: 'If it were in our nature to be fully satisfied， we would have no motivation to accomplish anything in either worldly or the personal realm。 That is why human nature is insatiable。'Page 33: 'It is in human nature to concentrate on what is missing and deem it the most important trait。 Unless we teach ourselves to concentrare on what we do have， we will end up obessing about missing tiles （things we don't have） and allow them to become insuermountable obstacles to happiness。 What to do with a missing tile？ Get it， Forger it or Replace it'Page 61: 'The answer to the question: should we have no expectations at all？ is that where we do not have full control， we should not have expectations。 And we do not have full control over the most important things in life， our health and how long we will live for example。'Page 95: psychiactric drugs do not make anyone happy， they only enable people to become happy。 Same thing with that a leg cast doesn't make one a track star。 It only enables them。'Page 105: 'it if quite difficult to be happy if we stare into the mirror each morning and only see the product of meaningless forces， stellar dust that happens to be stelf-aware。'Page 118: 'This too shall pass'Pagine 124: 'Value growth， and you will value virtually every situation'。Page 138: 'There is no virtue in not acting on a desire that doesn't exist。 Therefore， people who have lower passions but control them， are more attractactive'。Page 152: 'The only way to get what you ultimately want is to deny yourself short-term pleasures that will interfere with your goal。' 。。。more
Brooms
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This book is a no BS guide to happiness
Julie Gayler
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I love how quick of a read this was。 It offers clear points and interesting thought exercises on the topic of happiness。 Even though many of the points he made are familiar， and obvious， it was presented in a way that was pleasant and thoughtful。Prager is conservative and pro-religion， but he offered his perspectives in a relatively neutral manner。 I think it is broad enough to appeal to many people。 I think it would truly be a great book for young adults in particular to read。 I’ll be adding it I love how quick of a read this was。 It offers clear points and interesting thought exercises on the topic of happiness。 Even though many of the points he made are familiar， and obvious， it was presented in a way that was pleasant and thoughtful。Prager is conservative and pro-religion， but he offered his perspectives in a relatively neutral manner。 I think it is broad enough to appeal to many people。 I think it would truly be a great book for young adults in particular to read。 I’ll be adding it to the high school reading list for my own kids。 I wish I had spent more time thinking on these considerations earlier in life。 。。。more
Jordan Patras
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Spot on。 This book should definitely be read more often by others， since many people never hear what Prager had to write about happiness。
Dr。
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It takes a lot of skill to articulate ideas with brevity and enough simplicity that they benefit anyone age 5 to 105。 This book does just that while also refuting many ridiculous notions in our current society。
Emilyn Umbrell
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Fantastic little moral philosophy book！ Concise and to the point。 Love Dennis Prager and his way with words。 A few favorite points made which opened my mind in unexpected ways: -When you ask people about their most cherished values in life ， “happiness” is always at the top of their list。 However， unhappiness does not seem to be the exception today – it’s practically the rule。 Why？ Because human nature is insatiable。 In order to be happy， we first have to battle ourselves。-Not only do we have a Fantastic little moral philosophy book！ Concise and to the point。 Love Dennis Prager and his way with words。 A few favorite points made which opened my mind in unexpected ways: -When you ask people about their most cherished values in life ， “happiness” is always at the top of their list。 However， unhappiness does not seem to be the exception today – it’s practically the rule。 Why？ Because human nature is insatiable。 In order to be happy， we first have to battle ourselves。-Not only do we have a right to be happy， we have an obligation to be happy。 Our happiness has an effect on the lives of everyone around us--it provides them with a positive environment in which to thrive and to be happy themselves。-Because gratitude is the key to happiness， anything that undermines gratitude must undermine happiness。 And nothing undermines gratitude as much as expectations。 There is an inverse relationship between expectations and gratitude: The more expectations you have， the less gratitude you will have。These and many， many other simply stated points gave me some new insights into myself and provided some skills which I put to immediate use。 I highly recommend。 。。。more
Kelson Crowther
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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️Loved this book。 I would highly recommend it to anyone。 There was way too many great quotes to share them all but here were some that stood out to me。 “Happiness is a moral obligation。”“We owe it to our husband or wife， our fellow workers， our children， our friends， indeed to everyone who comes into our lives， to be as happy as we can be。 This does not mean acting unreal， and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️Loved this book。 I would highly recommend it to anyone。 There was way too many great quotes to share them all but here were some that stood out to me。 “Happiness is a moral obligation。”“We owe it to our husband or wife， our fellow workers， our children， our friends， indeed to everyone who comes into our lives， to be as happy as we can be。 This does not mean acting unreal， and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us。 But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness。 We do not enjoy being around others who are usually unhappy。 Those who enter our lives feel the same way。 Ask a child what it was like to grow up with an unhappy parent， or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child （of any age）。 There is a second reason why happiness is a moral obligation。 In general， people act more decently when they are happy。”“Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work。 Happiness is not an exception。”“Happiness is a battle to be waged not a feeling to be awaited。”“Yes， there is a “secret to happiness”—and it is gratitude。 All happy people are grateful， and ungrateful people cannot be happy。 We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain， but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy。 Become grateful and you will become a much happier person。”“Only marriage combines all three forms of companionship - spouse is family， best friend， and permanent companion。 This is why it is widely held that while the death of a child is the most painful loss， the death of a spouse is the most disorienting one。”“One day， however， the thought occurred to me that being unhappy was easy—in fact， the easy way out—and that it took no courage， effort， or greatness to be unhappy。 Anyone could be unhappy。”“You cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim， even if you really are one。” 。。。more
Deserey Crowther
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Dennis Prager is very wise and offers a wealth of knowledge and insight in this book about the endless struggle to achieve happiness。 My greatest take away is that a life lived in moderation with no expectations but hope is the path to happiness。 To achieve happiness you need to seek the deeper things in life and not only fun。 Religion and family are among those deeper things in life。 This book opened my eyes to my patterns of behavior that are diminishing my chance for happiness as well as prov Dennis Prager is very wise and offers a wealth of knowledge and insight in this book about the endless struggle to achieve happiness。 My greatest take away is that a life lived in moderation with no expectations but hope is the path to happiness。 To achieve happiness you need to seek the deeper things in life and not only fun。 Religion and family are among those deeper things in life。 This book opened my eyes to my patterns of behavior that are diminishing my chance for happiness as well as provided ways that I can increase my happiness。 Because of this book I exercise more gratitude and see difficult situations in a new way。 If you’re unhappy and seeking to understand the deeper things in life I would greatly recommend this book。 Some of my favorite quotes be warned there were many:We tend to think that we owe it to ourselves to be as happy as we can be。 And this is true。 But happiness is far more than a personal concern。 It is also a moral obligation。We owe it to our husband or wife， our fellow workers， our children， our friends， indeed to everyone who comes into our lives， to be as happy as we can beThere is a second reason why happiness is a moral obligation。 In general， people act more decently when they are happy。The easy way is very often the wrong way。the thought occurred to me that being unhappy was easy—in fact， the easy way out—and that it took no courage， effort， or greatness to be unhappy。 Anyone could be unhappy。 True achievement， I realized at an early age， lay in struggling to be happy。happiness is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited。Happiness is largely， though certainly not entirely， determined by us—through hard workEverything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work。 Happiness is not an exception。Most people do not regularly ask， “Will this make me happier？” before engaging in some action。 Rather， they do what they do because it feels good at that moment。I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy， rather than unhappy unless something makes me happy。Even when life is not tragic， indeed， even when it is good， it surely is bittersweet。We are completely satisfied with nothing。 The reason is human nature。 It is insatiable—and that is why no single obstacle to happiness is greater than human nature。it undermines the common desire to attribute one’s unhappiness to outside forces。can we decide to be satisfied with what we have？ A poor man who can make himself satisfied with his portion will be happier than a wealthy man who does not allow himself to be satisfied with his portion。“I can be happy with what I have even though I am not satisfied with it。” This enables us to do two things: Maintain awareness of what we are feeling while not allowing it to sabotage our happiness Work on reducing whatever it is that causes us dissatisfactionThe key to dissatisfaction not making you unhappy is to know which dissatisfaction is over the important （e。g。， the level of marital intimacy） and which dissatisfaction is over the unimportant。 Once you do， you can actually retain dissatisfaction over the unimportant and even have fun with itIt takes great strength and wisdom to be able to recognize that dissatisfaction over what cannot be changed is ultimately unnecessary dissatisfaction。“God， grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change， the courage to change the things I can， and the wisdom to know the difference。”In the personal realm， human dissatisfaction is what makes personal improvement possible， Cherish human dissatisfaction， but do not let it make you unhappy。“The only happy people I know are people I don’t know well。”If all of us realized that the people with whom we negatively compare our happiness are plagued by pains and demons of which we know little or nothing， we would stop comparing our happiness with others’。They suffer from what can be called compound unhappiness—just as compound interest is interest on interest， compound unhappiness is unhappiness over being unhappy。 Such are the dangers of comparing ourselves with others。There is， in short， no area of life where our happiness would not be increased by ceasing to compare ourselves with people whom we almost always imagine to be happier。In mathematical terms， the formula for measuring many people’s unhappiness is therefore U = I - R。 The amount of Unhappiness equals Images minus Reality。If unhappiness is measured by the difference between your image and your reality， unhappiness can be reduced by either dropping your images and celebrating your reality or keeping your images and changing your reality。reality need not， or cannot， be changed， only celebrated or at least made peace with。One can only guess at the magnitude of the number of people who deprive themselves of some happiness because they await the perfect happiness that only the realization of an image can provideimages can sometimes play a very constructive role—especially in emotionally broken lives。 When used properly， they can inspire people and give them direction to improve their lives。But images are like fire and need to be handled accordingly。One of human nature’s most effective ways of sabotaging happiness is to look at a beautiful scene and fixate on whatever is flawed or missing， no matter how small。Ceilings can be perfect， but life cannot。 In life， there will always be tiles missing—and even when there aren’t， we can always imagine a more perfect life and therefore imagine that something is missing。“It doesn’t matter，” he replied。 “You’re about to announce that the Most Important Trait in a Woman is whatever trait tonight’s date didn’t have。”Once you have determined what your missing tile is and whether acquiring it will really make you happy， you should do one of three things: get it， forget it， or replace it with a different tile。If you equate happiness with success， you will never achieve the amount of success necessary to make you happy。My own life and work regularly reinforce my belief that the joy and meaning of one’s work， not the level of its success， are the source of happiness。If you want financial success for reasons such as those enumerated—greater joy， peace of mind， security for loved ones—financial success can increase your happiness， especially if when you achieve financial peace of mind， you pursue other， deeper goals。Unhappy poor people at least have the fantasy that money will make them happy; unhappy rich people don’t even have that。There are， however， myriad forms of success that do lead to happiness: success in love， in relationships， in child rearing， in touching others’ lives， in becoming deeper， in gaining wisdom， in doing good， and in learning about oneself。“I have been with many men approaching death; and not one has ever said， ‘I only regret that I didn’t spend more time at the office。’”equating fun with happiness is a great obstacle to happiness。Most people believe in this equation: H = nF， or the amount of Happiness equals the number of Fun experiences。The fault lies in their original premise—that more fun will bring happiness。fun is temporary; happiness is ongoing。 Or to put it another way， fun is during， happiness is during and after。amusements do not create happiness， and they can pose a danger to it。 Because the enjoyment of amusements ends when the amusement ends， unhappy people can come to rely on amusements as an escape from unhappiness and constantly pursue them。Eating delicious foods is a great deal of fun， but for many people these foods are more a source of unhappiness than of happiness。A life devoted to avoiding fun is no more likely to lead to happiness than a life devoted to having fun。So too， we cannot live on fun alone， but living solely on the nonfun essentials of life renders life a chore， not a joy。It is good sometimes just to have fun without any meaningful associated activity， just as it is good sometimes just to have dessert。 But a fun-only life is as unfulfilling as dessert-only meals。Fun can be injected into virtually every pursuit in life。 That is where fun’s greatest importance lies。 If you can have fun while doing what is significant—raising a family， working at your profession， volunteering with the needy—you will truly be a happier person。Everything that leads to happiness involves pain。They fear the pain that inevitably accompanies such things and therefore devote more time to “fun” things that bring little happiness， such as watching television。“To live is to suffer，” wrote Dostoyevsky。But if he meant that to live and experience life fully one must suffer， he was entirely right。Pain in life comes from unfulfilled desires and expectations。If we understand expectations to mean certitude that something will happen， that we can take the good we have for granted， or that we can feel entitled to the things we want， then expectations lead to unhappiness， cause gratuitous pain， and undermine the most important source of happiness—gratitude。Yes， there is a “secret to happiness”—and it is gratitude。 All happy people are grateful， and ungrateful people cannot be happy。Become grateful and you will become a much happier person。The more expectations you have， the less gratitude you will have。 If you get what you expect， you will not be grateful for getting it。the answer to the question “Should we have no expectations at all？” is that where we do not have full control， we should not have expectations。There is little in life that gives so much at so little cost as not having expectations。But not having expectations diminishes optimism only if we define optimism as the assumption that we will get what we want。 Expecting to get what we want is immaturity， not optimism，“To dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation。” This definition of optimism is vitally necessary to happiness （see Chapter 23， “Find the Positive”）， and it in no way conflicts with having diminished expectations。Parents are flawed human beings who are given a role that more approximates that of God than of mere mortals。For these reasons parents， our first loves who help make our happiness possible， are also， for many， genuine obstacles to happiness。That siblings can be， or can become， the closest of friends is certainly true， but it is far from being a given or even common。We wage battles within society， but the real battlefield for a better world， at least in a free society， is within the family。Even if our own lives are relatively free of suffering， the suffering of others， including strangers， constitutes a serious obstacle to happiness。I have always known that any pain I have experienced is minuscule in comparison to that of innumerable others —bothhappiness is important to doing good。 Unhappy people are usually less capable than happy people of doing good。Thus seeking unconditional love is a guarantor of unhappiness， if only because we would be seeking something that no one will give us （except dogs）。 Adult love is never unconditional。There are some clear rules about happiness。 One is that you cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim， even if you really are one。People who regard themselves as victims do not see themselves as in control of their lives。 Whatever happens in their lives happens to them， not by them。People who primarily regard themselves as victims see the world as unfair to them in particular。People who regard themselves primarily as victims are angry people， and an angry disposition renders happiness impossible。People who have chosen to regard themselves as victims cannot allow themselves to enjoy life， because enjoying life would challenge their perception of themselves as victims。Such victims may be divided into five types: victims of their childhood， victims of membership in a group， victims of whatever makes them different， victims of perceived slights， and victims of deserved consequences。it is up to us to decide how long we choose to see ourselves as victims of our parent（s）。 Only on the day you begin to shed this identity can you begin to attain some happiness。Rather， he had decided to be insulted。 He chose to consider himself a victim of a perceived slight。Whatever the reason， little is more destructive to happiness than perceiving yourself insulted when in fact you weren’t。But when most unhappy people blame others， they do so because that is easier than to acknowledge life’s complexity or to search within for the sources of their unhappiness。No matter how much outside forces may dominate our lives， there is one thing that we can virtually always control—how we react to them。Good Circumstances = Happy People; Bad Circumstances = Unhappy People。 The fact that such equations do not exist should convince anyone that blaming others or outside forces for our unhappiness is usually a mistake。Others can certainly contribute to our happiness or unhappiness， but it is we who make the final determination about how much we will allow others to affect our lives。For happiness is not available to the immature。 And one of the prominent characteristics of immaturity is seeing oneself primarily as a victim。The greatest frustrations in life take place when we believe that something unattainable can be attained。desires have no memory， only the mind does。Attaining happiness means doing constant battle with our nature。 To do that we must first know what our nature is， and then we must control it。What is crucial in our context is to note that some of us are born with a personality predisposed toward happiness and some with a personality predisposed toward unhappiness; some of us have moody personas， and some of us have generally cheerful ones。Happiness can be attained under virtually any circumstances providing you believe that your life has meaning and purpose。We derive immense meaning from loving， being loved， belonging， and being needed—and all of these are obtainable in family life。in fact it is the thinker who most needs religion。 For， at least in theory， the nonthinker can be happy solely by experiencing life’s pleasures and personal meaning， but the thinker knows that pleasures and personal meaning alone do not answer the human yearning for a meaningful universe。To be a happy person， it is necessary to ask before acting， “Is it meaningful？”The problem， of course， is that the good action， the healthful food， and the meaningful behavior are rarely the most enticing of our choices—which only proves， once again， that the greatest battle for happiness is with our own nature。As important as happiness is， if you make it your most important value， you cannot attain it。 Happiness is only achievable when it is a by-product of something else， and you must hold that something to be more important than happiness。The more passions we have—whether for people， things， work， hobbies， or something else—the greater happiness we are likely to experience。Human nature motivates us to seek immediate pleasure， not depth。 Yet those who transcend their nature and seek depth will derive great happiness from that struggle。When you have experienced deeper fun， it is difficult to go back to the more superficial variety because the rewards of depth are great。Pursuing depth is one of the distinguishing characteristics of the human being; it is one of the noblest goals of a human life; and it brings ongoing happiness。 Indeed， the journey to depth brings as much happiness as its attainment， and since depth has no limits， the journey to it never ends。What is clear is that a lifelong pursuit of wisdom yields a happier life。*there is widespread acknowledgment that clarity， even when painful， is a blessing， not a curse。Yet to understand why your life unfolds in the way it does is one of the greatest sources of happiness。We determine how much we will allow something to make us unhappy。In all my studies of happiness， one of the most significant conclusions I have drawn is that there is little correlation between the circumstances of people’s lives and how happy they are。Without a philosophy of life， we do not know how to react to what life deals us。Most people wait until tragedy strikes before thinking about how to incorporate tragedy into their life。 And then the shock is often too great to absorb into their emotional and psychological system。Before their tragedy—and in some cases even afterward—they had developed a philosophy of life into which they could fit their tragedy。Knowing that most storms pass is an attitude that enables many people to cope with life’s difficulties。 In fact， everyone should adopt this attitude。most people are rendered stronger by facing and surviving adversity。 Knowing this does not undo any given trauma， but it does mean that something positive—strength and growth—can come from otherwise negative developments。something positive can be found or created in almost every negative development。If you truly believe that to live is to suffer， suffering is normal， not a debilitating shock。If you value growth， you will value virtually every situation because there are very few situations from which you cannot learn and therefore grow。Boring and bad meetings therefore provide rare opportunities to learn about people with whom we would otherwise never spend ten minutes。grieving over losses is indispensable to happinessThose who choose to find the positive that can be found in virtually every situation will be blessed。 Those who choose to find the awful in every situation will be cursed。 As with happiness itself， this is largely your decision to make。Maturity and happiness demand dealing with tension， indeed welcoming it。 What we do not want is unnecessary tension， or what we usually call stress or aggravation。Make peace with the fact that everything in life has a price。Determine what that price is for anything you desire。Choose whether to pay that price or to forgo what you desire。The more often you ask， “What is the price？” the better equipped you will be to handle life’s problems。because each one exacts a price。 Here， as everywhere else in life， therefore， happiness demands clarity （determining what the prices are） and maturity （deciding what to do and then not complaining—at least， not too much）。if the pressure that life inevitably produces is never allowed some release， we will explode either inside （depression） or outside （violence）。It should be obvious that if human nature is the single greatest obstacle to happiness， controlling our nature is the single greatest step toward happiness。They define freedom as doing whatever they want。 But doing what you want usually means doing what your body and nature want， and this is not only not freedom， it is actually more akin to bondage。Freedom is being able to do what will bring you happiness—and that takes constant self-control。The primary rules， then， for developing self-control are to have clear goals， know what is necessary to achieve them， and develop the habits necessary to do so。 Never lose sight of those goals when confronted with daily temptations to do other immediately gratifying things。The only way to get what you ultimately want is to deny yourself short-term pleasures that interfere with your goal。The modern era has conquered many diseases， but it seems that one plague of humanity may actually be getting worse—loneliness。God did not put us here to have the contentment of animals。 We are to know as much as we can know—about ourselves and about life—and with that knowledge still be happy。The clergy of the psyche and the clergy of the soul need each other。 And the rest of us need both of them。 。。。more
Edy Gies
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This wasn't quite what I was expecting。 It was well researched and well thought out。 I believed that he described what I think of as joy not happiness but either way， his ideas were interesting。 One thing that I was surprised to read was that when discussing moderation in all things he included pornography in that list。 I strongly disagree that a little porn is a good and healthy thing。 It was an interesting read but not one that I would re-read。 This wasn't quite what I was expecting。 It was well researched and well thought out。 I believed that he described what I think of as joy not happiness but either way， his ideas were interesting。 One thing that I was surprised to read was that when discussing moderation in all things he included pornography in that list。 I strongly disagree that a little porn is a good and healthy thing。 It was an interesting read but not one that I would re-read。 。。。more
Rene Dupre
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Great read。 Easy to digest chapters chock full of Prager wisdom。 Wish I would have this book when I was younger。
Andrew Bustamante
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Everyone wants to be happy， but do you have a moral obligation to be happy？ Of course some people have a natural inclination to have a happy demeanor but we can all choose to be a little happier if not for our own sake， but for others。 I would place this book on anyone's must read list。 If you like Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life" you will enjoy "Happiness is a Serious Problem" by Prager。 Everyone wants to be happy， but do you have a moral obligation to be happy？ Of course some people have a natural inclination to have a happy demeanor but we can all choose to be a little happier if not for our own sake， but for others。 I would place this book on anyone's must read list。 If you like Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life" you will enjoy "Happiness is a Serious Problem" by Prager。 。。。more
Helene
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A very interesting read。 Covers lots of angels on how culture and upbringing affect a persons happiness。 So glad I read it。
Justin
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Fantastic book， it provided a lot of great insights on our society today and how we think。 Especially regarding our expectations of ourselves and others。 Highly recommended for all！ I also thought how Mr。 Prager describes the thoughts of Men opposed to the thoughts of Women and how they play a role in expectations。
Mark
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“Happiness，” Dennis Prager writes， “is a moral obligation: happy people make the world a better place。” This resonates for me with a Book of Mormon maxim， “Man is that he might have joy。” Prager makes the distinction between temporary happiness （fun， entertainment， etc。） and long lasting happiness （joy， contentment， gratitude， etc。）。 This form of happiness comes as a result of effort and choice and is not situational。 It can weather disappointment and even tragedy。 It is， indeed， a serious probl “Happiness，” Dennis Prager writes， “is a moral obligation: happy people make the world a better place。” This resonates for me with a Book of Mormon maxim， “Man is that he might have joy。” Prager makes the distinction between temporary happiness （fun， entertainment， etc。） and long lasting happiness （joy， contentment， gratitude， etc。）。 This form of happiness comes as a result of effort and choice and is not situational。 It can weather disappointment and even tragedy。 It is， indeed， a serious problem， but a universal possibility。 Wonderful book！ 。。。more
Christian Barry
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I’m not particularly interested in the subject of happiness， but Prager writes a compelling argument as to why we should at least consider our happiness in light of others’ well being。 Be happy for selfless reasons。 With that in mind， each chapter is a primer into a deeper subject of which requires their own book & data。 I like how he covers a lot at the surface level in order for the reader to get a wholesome picture of a healthy pursuit of happiness。 He uses personal examples， frequently repea I’m not particularly interested in the subject of happiness， but Prager writes a compelling argument as to why we should at least consider our happiness in light of others’ well being。 Be happy for selfless reasons。 With that in mind， each chapter is a primer into a deeper subject of which requires their own book & data。 I like how he covers a lot at the surface level in order for the reader to get a wholesome picture of a healthy pursuit of happiness。 He uses personal examples， frequently repeats that animals are not like humans （which I think is a needed reminder for today’s culture）， diagnoses the problems of victim mentality and social movements all while relating to a secular audience with religious reasons and vice versa。 I think this book articulates common sense/human truths that get smothered into irrelevance by today’s social media and popular culture。 This was written in the 90s， it certainly has some refreshing perspectives for today。 We should be valuing maturity & responsibility more than most other things。 Not only is understanding & battling our inner nature key to becoming happier， but combating against modern secular attitudes and their faulty premises are vital in paving the way。 I disagree with a few of his theological points， but it’s not enough to deter me from recommending this to someone remotely interested in the subject。 I don’t think it’s all-encompassing， but for how short/quick of a read it is， it’s a good bang for your buck providing a wholesome perspective。 It at least gets the reader a seat at the table of discussion for tackling the big questions regarding happiness。 Society would benefit from reading Prager’s manual。 *Honorable mention: I appreciated his insights on anti-depressant drugs & psychotherapy vs religion。 He likens it to a cast for a broken leg。 It gave me a new perspective on why for some， these are critical in helping combat unhappiness， but they’re not happiness substitutes。 。。。more
Dana Hinman
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Dennis really understands human nature and speaks practically to thought processes and habits that can make humans miserable。 Because I’m familiar with the Bible I was familiar with a lot of thoughts presented in this book。 I did enjoy some of his ideas on how to combat unhappiness but others I disagreed with。 My biggest takeaway is my tendency to be ungrateful。 Other honorable mentions for takeaways: fun does not equal happiness and the part about children needing love from many adults around t Dennis really understands human nature and speaks practically to thought processes and habits that can make humans miserable。 Because I’m familiar with the Bible I was familiar with a lot of thoughts presented in this book。 I did enjoy some of his ideas on how to combat unhappiness but others I disagreed with。 My biggest takeaway is my tendency to be ungrateful。 Other honorable mentions for takeaways: fun does not equal happiness and the part about children needing love from many adults around them， not just parents！ And that hoping people will magically change and be different will also make you miserable。 Accepting reality is key。 。。。more
katherine ⚡️
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love love love this book。 my teacher made us read this in 8th grade （shout out to Mrs。 Sieradski） and it really opened my eyes。 this book definitely helped shape my young adult life and help me through some tough times to say the least。 it helped self conscious， confused 8th graders find some grounding through humor and honesty。 I know friends that till this day go back and read it when they need a boost。 in all seriousness love this book。 mind you we skipped the chapter about adult adult stuff love love love this book。 my teacher made us read this in 8th grade （shout out to Mrs。 Sieradski） and it really opened my eyes。 this book definitely helped shape my young adult life and help me through some tough times to say the least。 it helped self conscious， confused 8th graders find some grounding through humor and honesty。 I know friends that till this day go back and read it when they need a boost。 in all seriousness love this book。 mind you we skipped the chapter about adult adult stuff since ya know。。we were in middle school 。。。more
Greg Streech
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Interesting and humble treatise covering Mr。 Prager's understanding of happiness。 It reads like an excellent dinner conversation。 Interesting and humble treatise covering Mr。 Prager's understanding of happiness。 It reads like an excellent dinner conversation。 。。。more
GK
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What a wonderful， insightful， and practical read！ Dennis Prager presents thought provoking， well-developed， and researched ideas about what happiness is and how to achieve it。 Though it was published over two decades ago， the amount of usable knowledge and simple truths is astoundingly relevant today。 Highly recommend！
Andrew Goulet
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Even though I read this book 7 years ago， its wisdom and message still stick with me。 Whether it's in your work life or professional life， you can take morals of this book with you。 A must read for anyone in your life。 Even though I read this book 7 years ago， its wisdom and message still stick with me。 Whether it's in your work life or professional life， you can take morals of this book with you。 A must read for anyone in your life。 。。。more
Brian Bedwell
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Dennis Prager goes over ways to improve upon ones own happiness， and explains how happiness is something we need to work towards。 It is our obligation to try and be happy for ourselves and those around us。 Give this a read it only takes less than five hours and can be a very helpful self help book。
Tammy Rauen
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