Psychology

It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

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  • Create Date：2021-10-22 08:53:16
  • Update Date：2025-09-07
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  • Author：Mark Wolynn
  • ISBN：1101980389
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Summary

"This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh， powerful tools for relieving its suffering。 Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing。" --Tara Brach， PhD， author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations， by an acclaimed expert in the field

Depression。 Anxiety。 Chronic Pain。 Phobias。 Obsessive thoughts。 The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains--but in the lives of our parents， grandparents， and even great-grandparents。 The latest scientific research， now making headlines， supports what many have long intuited--that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations。 It Didn't Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress， including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk， author of The Body Keeps the Score。 Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died， or the story has been forgotten or silenced， memory and feelings can live on。 These emotional legacies are often hidden， encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language， and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood。

As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma， Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over twenty years。 It Didn't Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method， the Core Language Approach。 Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words， behaviors， and physical symptoms。 Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations。 And visualization， active imagination， and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection， integration， and reclaiming life and health。 It Didn't Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that in many cases， traditional therapy， drugs， or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch。

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Reviews

n ，

A fantastic book on identifying trauma that's been inherited。 I added this to my must read psych books on healing trauma。 A fantastic book on identifying trauma that's been inherited。 I added this to my must read psych books on healing trauma。 。。。more

Storm Christofi ，

Insightful， though a difficult read at times

Ashley Brooks ，

This was 。 。 。 interesting。 The book started out strong in its discussion of epigenetics and trauma。 It turns out that certain traumatic events or stressful situations actually *can* be inherited！ I expected the entire book to be along those lines， exploring current research about inherited trauma。 However， the author veered off into a series of psychological exercises that just weren't for me。 It's a fascinating topic， but I was looking for less of a do-it-yourself therapy session and more stra This was 。 。 。 interesting。 The book started out strong in its discussion of epigenetics and trauma。 It turns out that certain traumatic events or stressful situations actually *can* be inherited！ I expected the entire book to be along those lines， exploring current research about inherited trauma。 However， the author veered off into a series of psychological exercises that just weren't for me。 It's a fascinating topic， but I was looking for less of a do-it-yourself therapy session and more straightforward information。 。。。more

Paul Mackay ，

Never before have I rage quit reading a book。 I could not even make it to the end of chapter three。 Do not recommend。

Michelle ，

V boring

Russia_with_love ，

Zjawisko traumy pokoleniowej jest bardzo ciekawe i zostało bardzo dobrze opisane przez Marka Wollyna。 Niestety， kompletnie nie przekonuje mnie ta poradnikowa część。 O ile sens ma dochodzenie do źródła traumy rodzinnej z psychologiem/psychoterapeutą， o tyle przerabianie tego na sucho， samemu w domowym zaciszu， mija się z celem。

Zeinab ，

The first fifty pages of this book， I think， were quite enjoyable。 The science was enjoyable， the insight and perspective into family dynamics was thought provoking， but all of that stopped after those 50 pages。 I think even some of the science he introduced started to become somewhat irrelevant to claims he was making and stories he was telling。 Wolynn took his experience with family trauma and tried to make it a universal truth。 His book seems set on the idea that all your issues in life and i The first fifty pages of this book， I think， were quite enjoyable。 The science was enjoyable， the insight and perspective into family dynamics was thought provoking， but all of that stopped after those 50 pages。 I think even some of the science he introduced started to become somewhat irrelevant to claims he was making and stories he was telling。 Wolynn took his experience with family trauma and tried to make it a universal truth。 His book seems set on the idea that all your issues in life and in your psyche stem from your parents， or even generations before them， and if you can unlock those truths you will be free of all distress。 Every patient encounter he describes having ends with "and then all their problems went away"。 And maybe those stories are true， but there is not a single acknowledgment of the fact that this is not going to be the case for everyone。 While trying to follow along with his teachings， I frequently found myself lost trying to follow his lead and pin all my struggles to generational trauma when I am aware of other causes that exist in my life that influenced these traits。 So yeah， there was no big epiphany moment for me， just feeling like this guy was slightly out of his one-track mind。 On the topic of unacknowledged truths， like other reviews have pointed out， there is a concerning lack of awareness that some relationships should simply not be fixed。 There was no mention of parents who were abusive， neglectful， etc。， how do his theories and preachings hold up in those situations？ Also， his deep and complex path to healing kinda sounds like some basic CBT practices， just saying。 Tdlr; white guy goes to South Asia and becomes "spiritually enlightened"and thinks he has answered all life's mysteries when he was just making broad generalizations。 。。。more

Karolina ，

bardzo ciekawa tematyka， ale trzeba pamiętać， że to nie jest książka typu self-help！ strasznie nie podobało mi się podejście autora do depresji…

Paul Matusz ，

It's quite refreshing， to read about some of the biological mechanisms of inter generational transfer of trauma- both genetic and epigenetic - fresh and unknown for a neuroscientist （outside the field）。 The book makes some beautiful point， that you need to gauge your triggers， and when you describe - what's often indescribable - with words， you'll be able to develop some distance to what's been potentially ammassing across generations。 Some of the referred 'research' like that suggesting that ou It's quite refreshing， to read about some of the biological mechanisms of inter generational transfer of trauma- both genetic and epigenetic - fresh and unknown for a neuroscientist （outside the field）。 The book makes some beautiful point， that you need to gauge your triggers， and when you describe - what's often indescribable - with words， you'll be able to develop some distance to what's been potentially ammassing across generations。 Some of the referred 'research' like that suggesting that our convinctions / attitude change our biology have been scientifically disproved， so referring to them reduces the merit of the book。 But some of the insights are quite fresh， and refreshing。 Let's see what the rest of the book holds。 。。。more

Basma ，

I’m equally surprised and grateful that I didn’t read those reviews before the actual book！ For me it gave a broader and deeper perspective on generational trauma and I was able to connect my core statement to one of the biggest trauma happened to my parents！ I find it way more helpful than a lot of self-help books as it tracks the roots of the issue！ I won’t say it would benefit everyone tho but if you think you inherited a certain kind of emotion from your ancestors that is constantly nagging I’m equally surprised and grateful that I didn’t read those reviews before the actual book！ For me it gave a broader and deeper perspective on generational trauma and I was able to connect my core statement to one of the biggest trauma happened to my parents！ I find it way more helpful than a lot of self-help books as it tracks the roots of the issue！ I won’t say it would benefit everyone tho but if you think you inherited a certain kind of emotion from your ancestors that is constantly nagging your life I suggest to give this book a shot！ 。。。more

Brooke Stark ，

very interesting how the author basically says that the child needs to be the one to reconcile the relationship with their parents。。 also did not touch on anything having to do with one of the parents molesting their child， or physically abusing their children。 how is someone expected to confront & then forgive their parent who has touched them that way？ made it sound like the parent did not need to take responsibility for their shitty parenting because it runs in the family。 pretty upset becaus very interesting how the author basically says that the child needs to be the one to reconcile the relationship with their parents。。 also did not touch on anything having to do with one of the parents molesting their child， or physically abusing their children。 how is someone expected to confront & then forgive their parent who has touched them that way？ made it sound like the parent did not need to take responsibility for their shitty parenting because it runs in the family。 pretty upset because i heard this book is really good lol 。。。more

Jayda ，

I got 60% through and decided I felt like I was wasting time reading it。 This book was highly recommended， so I'm surprised that I struggled so much with it， but I did。 I felt like it was way too mystical and strange for me to accept。 The idea that someone in our past generations/family history "needed" or experienced something and didn't get it， so we are impacted is strange。 I don't mean that in the way it sounds。 I think generational trauma is absolutely a thing， and that it can be handed dow I got 60% through and decided I felt like I was wasting time reading it。 This book was highly recommended， so I'm surprised that I struggled so much with it， but I did。 I felt like it was way too mystical and strange for me to accept。 The idea that someone in our past generations/family history "needed" or experienced something and didn't get it， so we are impacted is strange。 I don't mean that in the way it sounds。 I think generational trauma is absolutely a thing， and that it can be handed down through verbal and non-verbal actions （like a parent who is scared of dogs quickly ushering her children across the street when she sees a dog。 If she clearly acts/looks scared， she'd teaching her child to have the same fear）。That said， this book was implying （or even straight up saying it） that there's a somewhat mystical element to this。 For example， over 50% of the way through， the author shares a story of a man who felt a need to get shot and had for years。 He devised a plan and got shot。 It turned out that one of his ancestors had experienced something similar。 So they made the link that this was a generational trauma thing that needed to be resolved by living people who were in no way directly impacted by the ancestral event/experience。I think it tries too hard to make connections where there aren't any， and I find the mystical side of it silly。 I look for scientific evidence， and there IS scientific evidence of generational trauma， but this book does not really stick with science。 It sticks with mysticism。 Along with that， it didn't make room for victims of abuse in the way it should。 The way it talked about it could be incredibly damaging to victims of abuse。 Talking about having to forgive， having to do XYZ， having to see your abusers as human， etc。 There's a time and place for that in the healing journey， and sometimes that time is never。 It's acceptable for victims of abuse/crime to never humanize their perpetrator。 That is an individual journey。 Also it felt like the humanizing part was trying to justify or make okay those harmful actions by abusers。 I don't know。 I really didn't like it。 I'm disappointed。EDIT://I read a few more reviews and found one that says what I was trying to， but better， so I've copied and pasted it。 Thank you， Elizabeth （https://www。goodreads。com/review/show。。。"While the first few chapters provide some useful information about how genetics and epigenetics play a role in our health， the author goes off into kookyville with his personal therapy。 Honestly， the author focuses too much on how you need to fix and have a relationship with your parents and that if you fix this relationship then you will never be mentally ill again。 Mind you that not everyone can fix or wants to "fix" the relationship with their parents， especially if there's severe abuse involved。Read "fix" as: don't blame parents for any abuse; no one is responsible or guilty for abusing you; just get over it; there is no choice; it's just an event from the past rearing its head and it's your fault if you let it get to you; you have to make amends for the past。Now， some of the activities he lists are just cognitive behavioral therapy that he's twisted to fit his "therapy"。 I know， I've done some it before but not with the intention of finding past life trauma。 Finding those thoughts and feelings is fine but then I've learned to recognize what type of thinking it is， then counter it with actual things I've done that discredits that false belief。 It works and doesn't require a trip into New Age garbage which is what the author peddles。What really pissed me off was the minimization or even outright dismissal of abuse。 When a parent abuses a child， the parent is responsible for their actions， their choices。 The author puts forth the idea the parent isn't guilty because they are just reliving a past trauma and that the child is the one guilty of triggering the abuse （just look at the four core complaints; if a child detaches due to abuse， the child is at fault for the abuse rather than the adult choosing to abuse and that the child needs to reattach to the abusive parent; hell no）。 For example， a father sexually abuses his ten year old daughter。 He's not actually abusing her （what any child abuser says） but really is just acting out a past trauma in the family history （can be technically accurate （a few abuse victims do go on to abuse others） but that's not what the author is implying）。 The ten year old victim needs to figure out what past event her abuser is living out （again making an innocent child take responsibility for an adult's behavior）， permit whomever caused the living trauma to now "access" and become a welcome part of the family， and allow the abuse to continue until the father stops acting out the past trauma。 And， oh yeah， just get over it because the abuse wasn't that big of a deal。 Where the hell did this guy get his psychology credentials， again？ Did he download them off the Internet？Do not read this book。 Anything that promises a "magic cure" approach， like this book， to mental health is something to be avoided at all costs。 There is no "magic cure" for mental health。 Anyone who says there is is selling snake oil like this author。" 。。。more

Велина Костадинова ，

Книга， която много ми напомня на Зовът на предците на Ерих Бауер и на Синдромът на предците на Ан Шютценберген。 Стилът е лек， езикът е разбираем。 В книгата има множество упражнения за самостоятелна работа。 Както и множество примери от практиката на автора-И ако сте тръгнали по пътя да проучвате рода си， миналото си и сте открили че има дълбока връзка и взаимозависимост между всичко това - тази книга е за вас。Ако се интересувате или посещавате семейни констелации， ако искате да надградите познани Книга， която много ми напомня на Зовът на предците на Ерих Бауер и на Синдромът на предците на Ан Шютценберген。 Стилът е лек， езикът е разбираем。 В книгата има множество упражнения за самостоятелна работа。 Както и множество примери от практиката на автора-И ако сте тръгнали по пътя да проучвате рода си， миналото си и сте открили че има дълбока връзка и взаимозависимост между всичко това - тази книга е за вас。Ако се интересувате или посещавате семейни констелации， ако искате да надградите познанията си， прочетете я！ 。。。more

jediShelley ，

Good information; remember you don't have to reconcile with abusive people， there's nothing wrong with trying to empathize with them at a distance or without contact。 Good information; remember you don't have to reconcile with abusive people， there's nothing wrong with trying to empathize with them at a distance or without contact。 。。。more

Ola （psycho_seksuolożka） ，

2Dla mnie za dużo "wibracji" i "wewnętrznego uleczania"， a za mało nauki。 Początek był fenomenalny potem było dla mnie tylko gorzej。W psychologii jest takie odwieczne pytanie nature or nurture。 Mam wrażenie， że autor i jego zdanie przedstawione w książce znajduje się bardzo blisko skrajnego końca "nature"。 Coś może wynikać z zachowań naszych przodków ale to nie znaczy， że w terapii musimy zawsze skupiać się na nich。 Chyba tego właśnie mi zabrakło - skupienia się na osobie z problemem， a nie na j 2Dla mnie za dużo "wibracji" i "wewnętrznego uleczania"， a za mało nauki。 Początek był fenomenalny potem było dla mnie tylko gorzej。W psychologii jest takie odwieczne pytanie nature or nurture。 Mam wrażenie， że autor i jego zdanie przedstawione w książce znajduje się bardzo blisko skrajnego końca "nature"。 Coś może wynikać z zachowań naszych przodków ale to nie znaczy， że w terapii musimy zawsze skupiać się na nich。 Chyba tego właśnie mi zabrakło - skupienia się na osobie z problemem， a nie na jej ciotecznym kuzynie brata psa sąsiada。Dodatkowo - nie trzeba wybaczać swoim rodzicom， nie wystarczy "zaakceptować ich miłości taką jaką jest" itd。 N I E。 Jeśli rodzic "okazuje miłość" źle np。 bijąc dziecko （bo to dla jego dobra） czy wykorzystując tylko dobra materialne （bo np。 jest niedojrzały emocjonalnie i nie zaspokaja potrzeb emocjonalnych swojego dziecka） to ta rada autora nabiera zupełnie innej perspektywy。 Chcę też przytoczyć cytat "Powiedz do niej w sercu "mamo， rozumiem"， nawet jeżeli w pełni nie rozumiesz， powtórz "mamo， rozumiem" "。 Rzeczy nie są takie proste， to tak nie działa。 To， że "powiemy sobie w sercu mamo rozumiem" nie rozwiąże tych wszystkich trudnych emocji， które można mieć związane z rodzicami - jak np。 złość na nich， czy strach。。。Nie。 Ogólnie to nie była za dobra książka。 Polecam tylko początek， bo on mnie zachwycił - reszta zawiodła。 。。。more

Irene ，

Very interesting premise， and some biological support in epigenes。 However， the last part of the book on therapy for it was heavily based on semantic analysis of expressions used to explain current fears or problems。 There is something to this， but As with most American books， heavily based sometimes on case studies or personal experiences （the book itself starts with the authors telling us about his personal crisis）， and to a lesser degree on stats and other kinds of evidence。

Degenerate Chemist ，

I'm gonna skip rating this one。 It is a self help book on dealing with intergenerational trauma。 I was more interested in the scientific discussions on emotion， genetics， and epigenetics。 That took up the first 50 pages。 The rest was the technique wolynn uses to treat his patients。I think the technique Wolynn uses is probably effective。 However， it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your parents and how much information you have on your family history。I have issues with this for I'm gonna skip rating this one。 It is a self help book on dealing with intergenerational trauma。 I was more interested in the scientific discussions on emotion， genetics， and epigenetics。 That took up the first 50 pages。 The rest was the technique wolynn uses to treat his patients。I think the technique Wolynn uses is probably effective。 However， it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your parents and how much information you have on your family history。I have issues with this for a few reasons- 1） insisting on mending fences with your parents no matter what is a bad idea 2） knowing your family history back to 3 or 4 generations is not possible for some people。So possibly a worthwhile book， it just didn't have the kind of information I was interested in。 。。。more

Halle ，

Loved a lot of the information that was giving。 My book club really enjoyed this book we actually constantly bring the metaphor it didn’t start with you。 A lot of his perspective was a lil weird but it did teach me a lot as a mom and daughter

Shayla ，

Research in beginning fascinating， but the therapy methods seemed a bit lacking。 I think the ideas are very helpful though。

Jann ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 The first 15% of the book was okay and informative but the rest just didn’t sit well with me 🤠 there are def better books out there

Violeta ，

Nope， First of all， every book that starts with “I left all behind of in my western life and went east to find answers” is already a no no for me。 And worst， this book diminishes trauma so much that it can be very triggering。

Nadia Marques de Carvalho ，

This is horrifically bad， how did Penguin publish this？ An opinion doth not a scientific fact make。 I was expecting a more rigorous and detailed analysis of genetically inherited trauma， not a long list of extremely simplified therapy cases where their one problem/phobia was immediately traced back to one trauma， and that was that。 No nuances， no complexity， just a simple cause and consequence over three generations。 Not even any doubt， it was certain that this person’s anger was definitely down This is horrifically bad， how did Penguin publish this？ An opinion doth not a scientific fact make。 I was expecting a more rigorous and detailed analysis of genetically inherited trauma， not a long list of extremely simplified therapy cases where their one problem/phobia was immediately traced back to one trauma， and that was that。 No nuances， no complexity， just a simple cause and consequence over three generations。 Not even any doubt， it was certain that this person’s anger was definitely down to his grandfathers experience in the killing fields。 Seriously， what is this？ 。。。more

Suzana ，

The book is not what I expected。

Toni Sabrina ，

This author states that abuse is something that should not be blamed on anyone never mind the abuser。 our “parents there is no accountability for others repetitive behaviour， this author obviously has their own ways of dealing but I found it to be naive。

Lanre Dahunsi ，

It Didn’t Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method， the Core Language Approach。 Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words， behaviors， and physical symptoms。 Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations。 And visualization， active imagination， and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection， integration， and reclaiming l It Didn’t Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method， the Core Language Approach。 Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words， behaviors， and physical symptoms。 Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations。 And visualization， active imagination， and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection， integration， and reclaiming life and health。 Inherited Family TraumaThe latest scientific research， now making headlines， also tells us that the effects of trauma can pass from one generation to the next。 This “bequest” is what’s known as inherited family trauma， and emerging evidence suggests that it is a very real phenomenon。 Pain does not always dissolve on its own or diminish with time。 Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died， even if his or her story lies submerged in years of silence， fragments of life experience， memory， and body sensation can live on， as if reaching out from the past to find resolution in the minds and bodies of those living in the present。The past is never dead。 It’s not even past。 —William Faulkner， Requiem for a NunDenialWhen we try to resist feeling something painful， we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid。 Doing so is a prescription for continued suffering。 There’s also something about the action of searching that blocks us from what we seek。 The constant looking outside of ourselves can keep us from knowing when we hit the target。 Something valuable can be going on inside us， but if we’re not tuning in， we can miss it。“The great teachers know。 The truly great ones don’t care whether you believe in their teachings or not。 They present a truth， then leave you with yourself to discover your own truth。”The Importance of LanguageIn many ways， healing from trauma is akin to creating a poem。 Both require the right timing， the right words， and the right image。 When these elements align， something meaningful is set into motion that can be felt in the body。 To heal， our pacing must be in tune。 If we arrive too quickly at an image， it might not take root。 If the words that comfort us arrive too early， we might not be ready to take them in。 If the words aren’t precise， we might not hear them or resonate with them at all。The core language approachUsing specific questions， I help people discover the root cause behind the physical and emotional symptoms that keep them mired。 Uncovering the right language not only exposes the trauma， it also unveils the tools and images needed for healing。 In using this method， I’ve witnessed deep-rooted patterns of depression， anxiety， and emptiness shift in a flash of insight。The vehicle for this journey is language， the buried language of our worries and fears。 It’s likely that this language has lived inside us our whole lives。 It may have originated with our parents， or even generations ago with our great-grandparents。 Our core language insists on being heard。 When we follow where it leads and hear its story， it has the power to defuse our deepest fears。Our core language insists on being heard。 When we follow where it leads and hear its story， it has the power to defuse our deepest fears。The Family MindTo put it simply， we receive aspects of our grandmother’s mothering through our own mother。 The traumas our grandmother endured， her pains and sorrows， her difficulties in her childhood or with our grandfather， the losses of those she loved who died early—these filter， to some degree， into the mothering she gave to our mother。 If we look back another generation， the same would likely be true about the mothering our grandmother received。The particulars of the events that shaped their lives may be obscured from our vision， but nevertheless， the impact of those particulars can be deeply felt。 It’s not only what we inherit from our parents but also how they were parented that influences how we relate to a partner， how we relate to ourselves， and how we nurture our children。 For better or worse， parents tend to pass on the parenting that they themselves received。The Core Language ApproachCore language helps us “declare” the memories that have gone “undeclared，” enabling us to piece together the events and experiences that could not be integrated or even remembered。 When enough of these pieces are gathered in our consciousness， we begin to form a story that deepens our understanding of what might have happened to us or to our family members。We begin to make sense of memories， emotions， and sensations that may have been haunting us our entire lives。 Once we locate their origin in the past， in our trauma or in a family trauma， we can stop living them as though they belong in the present。 And though not every fear， anxiety， or repetitive thought can be explained by a traumatic event in the family， certain experiences can be more fully understood when we decipher our core language。Core language is even revealed in the way we’ve disconnected from our bodies， and from the core of ourselves。 Essentially， it’s the fallout from trauma that has occurred in our early childhood or family history。The Core Language MapUnresolved traumas from our family history spill into successive generations， blending into our emotions， reactions， and choices in ways we never think to question。 We assume these experiences originate with us。 With their true source out of sight， we’re often unable to differentiate what is ours from what is not。Following our core language map can bring us face-to-face with family members who live like ghosts， unseen and ignored。 Some have been long buried。 Some have been rejected or forgotten。 Others have gone through ordeals so traumatic， it’s too painful to think about what they must have endured。 Once we find them， they are set free and we are set free。The Four Unconscious ThemesWe have merged with a parent。We have rejected a parent。We have experienced a break in the early bond with our mother。We have identified with a member of our familyIdentification FeelingNot all behaviors expressed by us actually originate from us。 They can easily belong to family members who came before us。 We can merely be carrying the feelings for them or sharing them。Children who share their parents’ pain generally do so unconsciously。 They operate from a blind fantasy that they can save their parents。 Instinctively loyal， children often repeat their parents’ sorrows and relive their misfortunes。There are four steps to constructing your core language map。 In each step， you will be given a new tool。 Each tool is designed to extract new information。 The tools are:Your Core Complaint—the core language describing your deepest worry， struggle， or complaintYour Core Descriptors—the core language describing your parentsYour Core Sentence—the core language describing your worst fearYour Core Trauma—the event or events in your family that sit behind your core language 。。。more

Brenna ，

I expected big things from this book and was sorely disappointed。 The author is not a psychologist。 Would not recommend。

Paige Cole ，

I have to admit， it took me a little while to finish this book ONLY because it was automatically returned and I had to wait to get it back。 But after starting it again the second time， I came to the realization that this is a book better bought than borrowed。 （And for a librarian to say that is a lot！！） but it talks about a work book a lot and I feel as if I didn’t get the same out of it listening， as I would have if I read the physical book and completed the workbook。 Overall it’s a great book I have to admit， it took me a little while to finish this book ONLY because it was automatically returned and I had to wait to get it back。 But after starting it again the second time， I came to the realization that this is a book better bought than borrowed。 （And for a librarian to say that is a lot！！） but it talks about a work book a lot and I feel as if I didn’t get the same out of it listening， as I would have if I read the physical book and completed the workbook。 Overall it’s a great book and really does make you think a lot about your actions and choices in life and where those stem from。 。。。more

Maitreyi ，

A MUST READ

Lu ，

While I do agree that there is a link to relationship with parents Vs current relationships， this book minimises abuse， and had a very hocus-pocus feel to the "cure" that is just basically bits stolen from other psychotherapy paradigms and also， I feel that the subject of the book was opened in an interesting way， at the end of the book there was no satisfaction at all with the whole wrap up and I just feel like I'm still hanging somewhere vague， because the author wasn't able to close the subje While I do agree that there is a link to relationship with parents Vs current relationships， this book minimises abuse， and had a very hocus-pocus feel to the "cure" that is just basically bits stolen from other psychotherapy paradigms and also， I feel that the subject of the book was opened in an interesting way， at the end of the book there was no satisfaction at all with the whole wrap up and I just feel like I'm still hanging somewhere vague， because the author wasn't able to close the subject in a way that one can feel that the matter is contained。 10/10 would not recommend。 。。。more

Yasmina ，

Wolynn nos muestra un camino terapéutico basado en el reconocimiento de nuestros miedos nucleares y su vinculación con traumas familiares。 Plantea unos ejercicios para que el lector pueda efectuar el recorrido al mismo ritmo que este expone su tesis。 El problema que veo es que muchas veces no podemos tener acceso a un relato genealógico suficiente y realizar esta exploración de manera autónoma （sin seguimiento o apoyo psicológico） puede resultar caótica。 Convertirse en observador de tus propios Wolynn nos muestra un camino terapéutico basado en el reconocimiento de nuestros miedos nucleares y su vinculación con traumas familiares。 Plantea unos ejercicios para que el lector pueda efectuar el recorrido al mismo ritmo que este expone su tesis。 El problema que veo es que muchas veces no podemos tener acceso a un relato genealógico suficiente y realizar esta exploración de manera autónoma （sin seguimiento o apoyo psicológico） puede resultar caótica。 Convertirse en observador de tus propios miedos y sentimientos es una tarea difícil （¡para eso están los psicólogos！）。En los primeros capítulos da unas notas sobre epigenética y biología celular interesantes， que me han abierto una perspectiva más amplia sobre la interrelación entre la persona y sus antepasados。 Me ha animado a leer a Jung y a revisionar "Hereditary"。 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0