This Is How It Always Is
- Downloads：8575
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-10-15 09:54:04
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Laurie Frankel
- ISBN：1472241614
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
This is how a family keeps a secret。。。and how that secret ends up keeping them。
This is how a family lives happily ever after。。。until happily ever after becomes complicated。
This is how children change。。。and then change the world。
This is Claude。 He's five years old， the youngest of five brothers， and loves peanut butter sandwiches。 He also loves wearing a dress， and dreams of being a princess。
When he grows up， Claude says， he wants to be a girl。
Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be。 They're just not sure they're ready to share that with the world。 Soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret。 Until one day it explodes。
Laurie Frankel's THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS IS is a novel about revelations， transformations， fairy tales， and family。 And it's about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again， parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts， children grow but not always according to plan。 And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever。
This is how a family lives happily ever after。。。until happily ever after becomes complicated。
This is how children change。。。and then change the world。
This is Claude。 He's five years old， the youngest of five brothers， and loves peanut butter sandwiches。 He also loves wearing a dress， and dreams of being a princess。
When he grows up， Claude says， he wants to be a girl。
Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be。 They're just not sure they're ready to share that with the world。 Soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret。 Until one day it explodes。
Laurie Frankel's THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS IS is a novel about revelations， transformations， fairy tales， and family。 And it's about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again， parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts， children grow but not always according to plan。 And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever。
Reviews
Meg
，
Penn argues again and again that stories are magical and I just happen to agree， especially with this one
Carolyn Halliday
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What a great "feel good" book。 In a brief discussion about the book with a couple of people I know， they that said they didn't like it or the characters because it was too contrived。 For me， it all felt delightfully plausible and possible in an upbeat magical kind of way。 I found Laurie Frankel's writing to be laugh out loud-able in which she dispensed much wisdom。 I found the majority of the book to be a lovely reveal and treatise about the complexities of parenting。 There are parents that exis What a great "feel good" book。 In a brief discussion about the book with a couple of people I know， they that said they didn't like it or the characters because it was too contrived。 For me， it all felt delightfully plausible and possible in an upbeat magical kind of way。 I found Laurie Frankel's writing to be laugh out loud-able in which she dispensed much wisdom。 I found the majority of the book to be a lovely reveal and treatise about the complexities of parenting。 There are parents that exist who are as committed to family and each other as are Rosie and Penn， and I appreciate the positiveness that Frankel puts out there。 As for the gift of normalizing a girl with a penis in her pants， I am grateful for this gift of a book。 This is a book about growing up normal in a world that has mistakenly told you that there is something wrong with you。 The author doesn't sugar coat the complexities of grappling with living in a non binary gender world， but she does elucidate the love and joy that is possible when one opens themselves to accepting individual differences。 My heart is opened， warmed， and smiling from the reading of this book。 Thank you Laurie Frankel。 。。。more
George Kuper
，
Fantastic， insightful read！This was a wonderful book about a family that truly loved each other。 They definitely approached everything with their children’s feelings at the forefront。 They kept a sense of humor about even the most serious of issues which made for a delightful， yet meaningful， read！
Diana Stormblessed
，
I wanted to love this book for the subject matter but the writing style was not my thing。 It felt cold and meandering and left me unable to emotionally connect with the characters。
Marcy
，
All the stars。
Aileen
，
4。5⭐️/5Really like this book。 Had a gap because had to wait for it again on Libby。
Nancy Basinger
，
How do parents handle it when their child is different？ They do their best but they make mistakes。 Sometimes those mistakes have repercussions。 A coming of age that is really a coming into your own skin — for a whole family。 Such a sweet story。
Nancy
，
I loved this book。 Although I didn't know where it was going or how it could possibly end happily， it was certainly a satisfying and important read。 The family consisted of loving children and wise， thoughtful adults， and the situations were realistic， especially the main character's responses to life。 And though the writing style was not always standard or easy to understand， upon rereading carefully with an open mind I actually marveled at its brilliance - rather like most children。 Thank you I loved this book。 Although I didn't know where it was going or how it could possibly end happily， it was certainly a satisfying and important read。 The family consisted of loving children and wise， thoughtful adults， and the situations were realistic， especially the main character's responses to life。 And though the writing style was not always standard or easy to understand， upon rereading carefully with an open mind I actually marveled at its brilliance - rather like most children。 Thank you for recommending this book， Laurel。 。。。more
Tori
，
3。50 stars！ Great story， but too many words。 Extraneous details/thoughts that could have been edited out。 But good story teller and on a topic i've never taken enough time to think about。 3。50 stars！ Great story， but too many words。 Extraneous details/thoughts that could have been edited out。 But good story teller and on a topic i've never taken enough time to think about。 。。。more
Nancy Hendee
，
Terrific！Something for everyone in this Book。 The characters are so well fleshed out， and their story so poignant， you truly care what they will become。
Nik Paukkunen
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Overall this as a great book and an important read for someone who in hindsight generally avoided the transgender topic and didn't think much about it。 As a soon to be father， it was eye opening to think about all the decisions and control a parent has in a scenario like this。 I found the writing quite entertaining but the long sentences a bit difficult to adjust to at the start。 The fact this was technically fiction despite Laurie having a girl who was boy made it real enough for me empathize w Overall this as a great book and an important read for someone who in hindsight generally avoided the transgender topic and didn't think much about it。 As a soon to be father， it was eye opening to think about all the decisions and control a parent has in a scenario like this。 I found the writing quite entertaining but the long sentences a bit difficult to adjust to at the start。 The fact this was technically fiction despite Laurie having a girl who was boy made it real enough for me empathize with the challenges。 。。。more
Hannah
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I loved this one。 A vivid， thoughtful， heartfelt look at parenting。 Flew through it。
Julie
，
Going to have a serious book hangover after this one。
Kelly
，
Really great book about a transgender child + family dynamics。
Sara Quito
，
A beautiful story！ Well worth the read！
Mary Elam
，
The premise of the book is wonderful， but the author’s words felt incredibly disconnected from the actual experiences of trans people。 I did not get the sense that the author has personally witnessed those unique， individual struggles members of the LGBTQIA+ community face。 The dialogue between characters was very forced and stereotypical。 And while of course not all authors have actually lived in the footsteps of their stories， this is a very real and important issue that should be written as r The premise of the book is wonderful， but the author’s words felt incredibly disconnected from the actual experiences of trans people。 I did not get the sense that the author has personally witnessed those unique， individual struggles members of the LGBTQIA+ community face。 The dialogue between characters was very forced and stereotypical。 And while of course not all authors have actually lived in the footsteps of their stories， this is a very real and important issue that should be written as realistically and accurately as possible。 。。。more
Sarah
，
Reminds me a little bit of a Fredrik Backman book with the fairy tale feel and lovable characters。 I loved the scenes where all the kids were still participating in story time with Penn even once some were teenagers， and the Thai cultural influence on Claude/Poppy。I also just loved the sweet voice of the story， which seemed to come through especially with Penn’s character。 A new favorite for me。
Beth
，
Delightful characters tackling a touchy subject。 It captures the tension between fully supporting your child at home versus protecting them from the outside world。 Nuanced and lovely to read。
Teresa Segura
，
3。5。 I listened to the audio version and really liked it。 This book is very well-written。 I learned so much that I couldn’t have learned if I felt like I had been preached to， or if the book had an agenda。 I’m not sure I buy the ending， it seemed a little too easy and convenient。 Overall a great read to broaden my horizons。
Ellen Horsfield
，
Excellent book about a Dr ， her author husband and their family of 5 boys。 The youngest， born a boy but， feels that he is a she from the get go。 The family struggles to protect their child 。。。it was well written and the dialogue and interaction of the siblings was so real。Our book club enjoyed it！
Nancy
，
"I wish for my child， for all our children， a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved， blessed， appreciated selves。"This really is a gem of a book。 It addresses gender dysphoria openly and with such raw emotion。 The family dynamics were well written。 Rosie's struggle as a mother felt genuine especially her desire to not make life altering decisions for her child and to let Claude/Poppy decide when the time was right。 I loved how supportive Penn was throughout the story。 "I wish for my child， for all our children， a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved， blessed， appreciated selves。"This really is a gem of a book。 It addresses gender dysphoria openly and with such raw emotion。 The family dynamics were well written。 Rosie's struggle as a mother felt genuine especially her desire to not make life altering decisions for her child and to let Claude/Poppy decide when the time was right。 I loved how supportive Penn was throughout the story。 I came to love this family， but Claude/Poppy absolutely stole my heart from the start。 I just wish the other children would have been asked their wishes more since it felt like they were dismissed and took a backseat to Poppy's needs。 Their feelings were insightful and I don't feel like Penn and Rosie took into consideration how difficult the lying was for everyone involved。 Gabra Zackman did a wonderful job narrating this book， giving each character their own wonderful voice。 4 huge heartfelt stars。 。。。more
Gisele
，
4。25 starsMuch food for thought in this thought provoking novel。 Had the first half been as strong as the second half， this novel would have earned 5 stars。 The betwixt passage was so impactful。。。
Paula J。
，
Thought-provoking exploration of parental （and grandparental and sibling） love， the role of stories in our lives， the toll that secrets take on all members of a family， and how doing the right thing for one family member may not be best for the rest of the family。 I had some concerns about certain plot devices， but the warmth and humor of Frankel's writing really captured my heart。 Thought-provoking exploration of parental （and grandparental and sibling） love， the role of stories in our lives， the toll that secrets take on all members of a family， and how doing the right thing for one family member may not be best for the rest of the family。 I had some concerns about certain plot devices， but the warmth and humor of Frankel's writing really captured my heart。 。。。more
Fiona
，
I loved this family。 And even more than that， I loved the colourful uncertainty of this story。 The illumination of the truth that things are not usually black and white - especially those things that we desperately want to be clear， like gender。 The world is a rainbow。。。。。。an inconvenient， sometimes excruciatingly painful， sometimes inexplicably joyful rainbow。 But very， very rarely simple and straightforward。 It was amazing to watch very modern， loving and experienced parents navigate the storm I loved this family。 And even more than that， I loved the colourful uncertainty of this story。 The illumination of the truth that things are not usually black and white - especially those things that we desperately want to be clear， like gender。 The world is a rainbow。。。。。。an inconvenient， sometimes excruciatingly painful， sometimes inexplicably joyful rainbow。 But very， very rarely simple and straightforward。 It was amazing to watch very modern， loving and experienced parents navigate the stormy seas of gender dysmorphia。 What exactly does it mean， anyway if your 5 year old boy wants to dress as a girl？ The possibilities are endless， and the obstacles and pitfalls of keeping his anatomical gender a secret turn out to be just as numerous。 As with all great books， I think of Claude/Poppy and his/her family as still out there， living their messy lives， and I find myself wondering how they are doing， and wishing them well。 。。。more
Susan Greiner
，
Wow。 What a great book。 This is such an important story。 I loved it from beginning to end。 It covers such an important， misunderstood subject， and does it with such humor and honesty。 I laughed， and sometimes I wanted to cry。 Because this really is a story about How it Always is。 And maybe also about how things really could and should be different。This is a beautiful story about a family with five children。 Four are boys， and the fifth is a girl born into a boy's body。 This story delves into wha Wow。 What a great book。 This is such an important story。 I loved it from beginning to end。 It covers such an important， misunderstood subject， and does it with such humor and honesty。 I laughed， and sometimes I wanted to cry。 Because this really is a story about How it Always is。 And maybe also about how things really could and should be different。This is a beautiful story about a family with five children。 Four are boys， and the fifth is a girl born into a boy's body。 This story delves into what it means to have a child who has gender dysphoria。 It is about what it is like to be a child who is transgender。 Gender dysphoria is real。 It happens。 More often than society would have us believe。 I was enthralled by this story。 It is lovingly and lavishly written。 It is a story everyone should read， because it will broaden your horizons about how life really is， or ought to be。 。。。more
Cindy Becker
，
I found this book to be a bit glossed over on any of the characters。 They were an unusual family and as such handled life differently than a typical family would have handled finding out that their son wanted to be a girl。 After finishing the book， I looked for discussion questions for book club and was most surprised that it is based on the author's personal experience with her own child。 I think I would have liked to have dived deeper into the subject and how it effected each of the family mem I found this book to be a bit glossed over on any of the characters。 They were an unusual family and as such handled life differently than a typical family would have handled finding out that their son wanted to be a girl。 After finishing the book， I looked for discussion questions for book club and was most surprised that it is based on the author's personal experience with her own child。 I think I would have liked to have dived deeper into the subject and how it effected each of the family members。 I felt that I didn't really know anyone。 。。。more
Jane MacGregor
，
This Is How It Always Is tells a story that feels so real that it almost makes you forget that you are reading a piece of fiction。 It gave me insight into an experience that was so new and foreign to me， yet the family dynamics of the story felt all too familiar。 4 stars only because there were bits I felt could’ve been left out， which forced me skim pages at time
Abigail
，
I agonised over my rating for this: I'm settling for 3。5 stars， rounded to 4。This was an eye-opening， emotional， educational book。 It was also sentimental， trite and preachy。 The writing downright sucked at times （though I'm semi-open to the interpretations that this is how different characters' thought processes translated onto the page）。 Anyhow， I'm glad I read it。At the heart of the book we have a warm， loving， slightly chaotic family headed by Rosie and Penn， with five children。 Claude， the I agonised over my rating for this: I'm settling for 3。5 stars， rounded to 4。This was an eye-opening， emotional， educational book。 It was also sentimental， trite and preachy。 The writing downright sucked at times （though I'm semi-open to the interpretations that this is how different characters' thought processes translated onto the page）。 Anyhow， I'm glad I read it。At the heart of the book we have a warm， loving， slightly chaotic family headed by Rosie and Penn， with five children。 Claude， the youngest， wants only to be a girl。 And so this book is also about the world around them， which is， it turns out， much less loving。While it was incredibly realistic， this book was also frustratingly unrealistic。 The parents were just too understandin （although they did wobble a fair bit）， the siblings didn't have a chance to discuss their feelings （which I found odd， but not ruinously so）， and the characterisation was stereotypical （bad guys， perfect parents， flamboyant social workers）。I loved the children's voices， their conversations and interpretations of the world - these parts were really fun。 The adult's conversations， however， were often monologues of info-dumping。 Although educational， this was not at all believable （even though Rosie， the mother， is a doctor）。Part 3， when Rosie and Poppy go to Thailand， felt like a bit of a filler。 It felt like a different story entirely; the lessons and development could have taken place in a far more believable setting。 Like therapy。 The ending was far too neat and happy for my liking， but I guess it's refreshing for an LGBTQ+ book to finish on an entirely positive note。I'll stop before I continue tearing it apart。 I loved the premise， I enjoyed parts， but as a whole there were a lot of issues。 Wonderful， crucial， necessary book; sub-par writing and execution。 Perhaps a book about a transgender/queer child is bound to be problematic。 Give this a chance though。 。。。more
Rachel Baer
，
I loved this book， very insightful of the struggles families face & even more so when one of the children is unsure of their gender。 worth reading。
Thyme Washington
，
Amazing story I love all of these characters。
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=This Is How It Always Is
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=This Is How It Always Is&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft