Nonfiction

Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-10-03 09:56:06
  • Update Date：2025-09-07
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Hope Edelman
  • ISBN：1473695619
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Summary

Edelman shares her own painful story and the stories of many other women who， as children or adults， lost their mothers。 She explains the stages of grief and adjustment。 She considers the secondary effects that can occur: the girl-child filling the lost mother's role at home for father and younger siblings。 If you've lost your mother， you no longer have to face it alone。

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Reviews

raspberry swirl ，

This is， without a doubt， the most important book I've read in my life。 I would recommend it to every motherless daughter out there and to the people who love them。A mixture between a memoir， interviews and lots of psychological and sociological studies， this book paints a detailed picture of the way mother loss impacts the life of a girl。 Starting with the initial trauma， the loss spills over to all other aspects of life: self-image （who am I without my mother to identify with and later detach This is， without a doubt， the most important book I've read in my life。 I would recommend it to every motherless daughter out there and to the people who love them。A mixture between a memoir， interviews and lots of psychological and sociological studies， this book paints a detailed picture of the way mother loss impacts the life of a girl。 Starting with the initial trauma， the loss spills over to all other aspects of life: self-image （who am I without my mother to identify with and later detach from？）; relationships with siblings， fathers and intimate partners; taking care of their own health。 Motherless daughters have a lot to deal with and are often doing it alone， feeling isolated and incomplete。This book succeeds in explaining these struggles empathetically and clearly， through both science and personal stories。 It makes you feel seen。 Understood。 And， as with any traumatic event， being aware of what and why is happening is the first step towards healing。 。。。more

Kui Muchiri ，

This book is obviously meant for motherless daughters but I still found it incredibly insightful for me， and any woman for that matter。

Delisa ，

This was the book I needed to read。 Dealing with a emotionally disconnected mother， I knew this book was for me。 This book was made for me。 My therapist recommended this book to me and I'm glad she did， I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with the loss of a parent or a parent， in my case， who has zero connection to you or can't be the parent you need and deserve in your life。 This was the book I needed to read。 Dealing with a emotionally disconnected mother， I knew this book was for me。 This book was made for me。 My therapist recommended this book to me and I'm glad she did， I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with the loss of a parent or a parent， in my case， who has zero connection to you or can't be the parent you need and deserve in your life。 。。。more

Abigail Ferguson ，

My mom died when I was 17。 20+ years ago this book was on a list of “best of” nonfiction I should read per a visiting author at NMU and I bought it right away。 Multiple random recommendations over the years and it’s kismet that I finally get around to reading it…for a reading challenge…when I find part of my carefully built network of coping with Mom’s loss is not quite what I thought it was。 I think it’s helped me appreciate the book more as well as handle the adjustments better。 On the other h My mom died when I was 17。 20+ years ago this book was on a list of “best of” nonfiction I should read per a visiting author at NMU and I bought it right away。 Multiple random recommendations over the years and it’s kismet that I finally get around to reading it…for a reading challenge…when I find part of my carefully built network of coping with Mom’s loss is not quite what I thought it was。 I think it’s helped me appreciate the book more as well as handle the adjustments better。 On the other hand， I think I would have appreciated the book even more than I did if a） my mom had died of an illness and not poof gone just like that in an accident b） I had resented my dad dating…more on that below， and c）wanted or had children。 I’ve always known Dad is special， but he’s my dad， so I’m also aware that I’m biased。 Given the women interviewed for this book， my dad’s willingness to talk to me and effort to maintain a relationship with me， even lost in grief or when we couldn’t stand each other， is a rarity。 I appreciate him even more。 I also find myself in the minority as my father was so devastated by the loss of my mother， when dating put life back in his eyes， I couldn’t imagine being anything other than happy for him。 He doesn’t do single， but he’s never tried to replace her。 People can’t be replaced。 It’s a new part of the story。 Why would I want him to be alone for decades？ Again in the minority， it never occurred to me I won’t live past the age my mom died。 Quite the opposite， I think God’s got a sense of humor and is going to make me find the glitter and sparkle in this &”@%* world until I’m a bent over old crone。 I wonder if my mother’s undeniable success professionally but dying before the retirement she’d worked so hard to enjoy is why I like my quiet little life， unlike the women in this book who become super driven。 。。。more

Ann Garth ，

This book was。。。 fine？ Maybe I just had too-high expectations going in because it's such a classic， but it didn't do much for me。I didn't think it was particularly well-written; I felt like a lot of the paragraphs were connected to the theme of the section they were in， but not necessarily to the paragraphs before or after them。I also found many of the claims about how grief affects women to be just-so stories and/or cliched ideas with little to no obvious factual/scientific backing beyond quote This book was。。。 fine？ Maybe I just had too-high expectations going in because it's such a classic， but it didn't do much for me。I didn't think it was particularly well-written; I felt like a lot of the paragraphs were connected to the theme of the section they were in， but not necessarily to the paragraphs before or after them。I also found many of the claims about how grief affects women to be just-so stories and/or cliched ideas with little to no obvious factual/scientific backing beyond quotes from psychologists。 But just because someone with a doctorate says that， e。g。， women need their mothers to help them deal with the fundamental uncertainty of their biology， doesn't make it true。I also struggled with the gendered aspects of the book -- of course it's true that gender affects relationships， and the mother-daughter relationship is therefore unique， but where is the line between recognizing this fact and reifying stereotypes about gender and gender in relationships？ 。。。more

Kylie Percival ，

The early chapters are relevant to anyone who has lost their mother at any age。 I read first edition of this book nearly 25 years ago。 It is now 50 years since my mother died at the age of 23 as a result of a car accident in which I （not quite 4） was also a passenger。 An early traumatic loss is folded into your subsequent experiences even decades later and intrinsically shapes you for better or worse。 It was worthwhile to revisit Hope's work in this second edition especially the acknowledgement The early chapters are relevant to anyone who has lost their mother at any age。 I read first edition of this book nearly 25 years ago。 It is now 50 years since my mother died at the age of 23 as a result of a car accident in which I （not quite 4） was also a passenger。 An early traumatic loss is folded into your subsequent experiences even decades later and intrinsically shapes you for better or worse。 It was worthwhile to revisit Hope's work in this second edition especially the acknowledgement of the lifelong arc of loss which persists when children don't or can't grieve。 。。。more

Laura Hiebenthal ，

Best line of the book is from the epilogue: "To be a motherless daughter is to be riddled with paradoxes and contradictions， to live with an eternally unresolved longing， but it is also to know the grit of survival， to hold an insight and maturity others did not obtain so young， and to understand the power of renewal and rebirth" （290）。 Best line of the book is from the epilogue: "To be a motherless daughter is to be riddled with paradoxes and contradictions， to live with an eternally unresolved longing， but it is also to know the grit of survival， to hold an insight and maturity others did not obtain so young， and to understand the power of renewal and rebirth" （290）。 。。。more

Emily Mellow ，

This is very much written for women whose mothers died when they were young， and not helpful for those of us whose mothers just weren't present， supportive， or able to parent for other reasons。 This is very much written for women whose mothers died when they were young， and not helpful for those of us whose mothers just weren't present， supportive， or able to parent for other reasons。 。。。more

Kelsy ，

I wasn't expecting this book to be about childhood/teenage mother loss。 Nevertheless， I still finished it and took a lot away from it。 I wasn't expecting this book to be about childhood/teenage mother loss。 Nevertheless， I still finished it and took a lot away from it。 。。。more

Terilyn Eisenhauer ，

No book has ever resonated as strongly。

Michael Kenan Baldwin ，

This book is choc-full of powerful stories， statistics and psychological & phenomenological insights。 Significantly aids understanding， compassion and helping for those experiencing loss， change and growth。 It just falls short in providing merely a secular outlook in which death itself is natural and unproblematic so it’s just early death that’s the problem。

Whitney ，

Vital。 If you have lost your mother， 1） I’m sorry 2） don’t let the title of the book daunt/deter you like it did me。 Once I got the gumption to read it， there was so much reassurance。

Ola ，

This book helped me feel less alone during some of my worst days。

Vanessa ，

This book was incredibly difficult to read at times， but definitely validated my feelings on mother loss。 It's been almost 14 years since my mother died， and although the pain of grief is still there， it has changed over the years。 Whenever I am in therapy， the topic ALWAYS comes up， and I find myself thinking， "Why am I not over this yet？ It happened SO LONG AGO。" This book helped me realize that my mother's death was *the* event that had the most impact on my life， and it affected and still af This book was incredibly difficult to read at times， but definitely validated my feelings on mother loss。 It's been almost 14 years since my mother died， and although the pain of grief is still there， it has changed over the years。 Whenever I am in therapy， the topic ALWAYS comes up， and I find myself thinking， "Why am I not over this yet？ It happened SO LONG AGO。" This book helped me realize that my mother's death was *the* event that had the most impact on my life， and it affected and still affects every facet of who I am。 。。。more

Bradi ，

I read this book when I was 19 or 20 and it changed my life。 It opened me up to grieving the loss of my mother at age 12。 Now that I am in my 40s， pieces of this book still live within me and arise from time to time， providing a moment of warmth and caring。 I highly recommend this book to anyone who has lost their mother。

Schuyler Hughes ，

It has taken me almost 18 months to finish this book。 I started a few weeks after my mom died and since then I listen to it when I feel the need to grieve。 I cried every time I listened to this book， it wasn’t always an uncontrollable， ugly cry but it always happened。 I am grateful to the women who shared their stories with Hope。 I have felt less alone because of these women。 Grief is terrible and living your 20’s without your mom and best friend is shitty。 Thankful for a healthy outlet like lis It has taken me almost 18 months to finish this book。 I started a few weeks after my mom died and since then I listen to it when I feel the need to grieve。 I cried every time I listened to this book， it wasn’t always an uncontrollable， ugly cry but it always happened。 I am grateful to the women who shared their stories with Hope。 I have felt less alone because of these women。 Grief is terrible and living your 20’s without your mom and best friend is shitty。 Thankful for a healthy outlet like listening to this book， highly recommend for anyone that is dealing with the loss of a mother， no matter how long ago。 。。。more

Laura ，

Amazing。 Recommend to anyone that has lost their mother。 This book helped me articulate what I was feeling。

Nikki Penda ，

Started off good but started to feel a little dense。 Took notes though

Windy Lu ，

what if hope edelman and lee edelman were related。there are pretty much no other books like this one， which is why i would rate it higher if i thought it was a better book。 i think it's a starting point for thinking about different ways people experience the loss and the lack of a mother， whether that relationship was secure or insecure/abusive/neglectful before the loss occurred， and how age or when the loss occurs shapes a child or adult's experience of that loss or lack。before reading this bo what if hope edelman and lee edelman were related。there are pretty much no other books like this one， which is why i would rate it higher if i thought it was a better book。 i think it's a starting point for thinking about different ways people experience the loss and the lack of a mother， whether that relationship was secure or insecure/abusive/neglectful before the loss occurred， and how age or when the loss occurs shapes a child or adult's experience of that loss or lack。before reading this book， i had never really learned about psychoanalysis beyond very basic high school literature level freud or spent much time reading about attachment theory or other related subjects。 so i hadn't considered that one reason i may have set unattainable standards of perfection for myself that i have spent my entire life feeling immense failure to meet was having lacked a stable original figure to set reasonable standards for me， the consequences of which have been huge - i also didn't really have a father。 i had also never really considered that however short-lived my experiences with my mother were， the fact that i experienced and remembered them as positive really differentiates my experience from someone who couldn't say the same。 there are a lot of different ways to lose your mother; it's a kind of grief that i've maybe self-importantly always thought to be deepest， in often hard to grasp ways， for the inner child endlessly seeking security and love。 though i will say that any other insecure attachment i have experienced was in a way a repetition of this original loss， and a lot of attachment theory proposes that our attachment styles and their consequences change and elaborate over time based on our further experiences of significant intimate relationships！while i do appreciate this book's attempt at covering different variables and their possible consequences with various cases， real or fictionalized， i felt that some experiences weren't considered as deeply or extensively as others。 it's not so much written for those who lost their mothers in early childhood， like myself， so in that way i didn't feel exactly reflected， and like others experienced sadness and disappointment because of this。 out of wanting to find kernels of recognition in the other chapters and cases， though， i definitely managed to find some。 i also find it useful for understanding others' experiences of mom loss or lack。i agree with others that there are many ways this is unnecessarily gendered。 i am of the habit now of thinking of gendered subjectivities like "daughter" or "mother" as archetypal affects anyone can occupy， though the more formative years spent occupying that role the more embedded and 'real' normative qualities of that gendered identity would almost certainly be。 the genderedness of a piece of writing like this seems necessary， and i have no problem being non-binary but also feel like i was a girl who didn't have a mother。 i don't remember this book super well because it's been years but i don't remember there being much about it that is necessarily trans-exclusive， though clearly it isn't explicitly inclusive of transness either。 three stars because for various reasons it could have more depth， even in its exploration of case study narratives; it also could have been more fleshed out with interdisciplinary research， more intersectionality， etc。i think in many ways attachment theory is more useful for this subject， but maybe misses specific pathos and relatability by jargonizing， however lightly， that which we experience more as feelings and narrative。 。。。more

Jenny ，

A painful but enlightening read about the specific experience of motherless daughters。 In reading the various testimonials of other women who have lost their moms and the research done on the subject， I have learned a lot about why I am the way I am and it’s helping me learn to be gentler and kinder to myself。 I feel a little bit less alone after reading it。 Highly recommend this book to any woman who has lost their mom and to anyone who wishes to understand the motherless daughters in their liv A painful but enlightening read about the specific experience of motherless daughters。 In reading the various testimonials of other women who have lost their moms and the research done on the subject， I have learned a lot about why I am the way I am and it’s helping me learn to be gentler and kinder to myself。 I feel a little bit less alone after reading it。 Highly recommend this book to any woman who has lost their mom and to anyone who wishes to understand the motherless daughters in their lives。 。。。more

Jesse ，

meh， didn't love it， didn't hate it。 this is supposed to be *the* book to read when your mom dies， edelman is quoted in all the grief social media。 i found this book boring， unnecessarily gendered， and overall very repetitive and drawn out。 some interesting bereavement research at the beginning， but i skimmed through the last six chapters bored as hell。 meh， didn't love it， didn't hate it。 this is supposed to be *the* book to read when your mom dies， edelman is quoted in all the grief social media。 i found this book boring， unnecessarily gendered， and overall very repetitive and drawn out。 some interesting bereavement research at the beginning， but i skimmed through the last six chapters bored as hell。 。。。more

Sarah Bracey White ，

An exceptional book！ Life enhancing for me！

Kerrin Proctor ，

I read this book after having lost my mother and it was great at explaining the feelings a daughter has when she loses her mother。 This book felt like a great companion on an otherwise lonely road。

Janice MacPherson ，

This book was life-changing for me。 I was in my 20s when I read it - my mother died when I was five。 This book showed me that the emotions I had were normal， and that it was ok to feel and process grief for a long time。 I would highly recommend this to anyone experiencing mother-loss at any age。

Jordan ，

As a woman who lost her mom in her mid-twenties， this book has it all。 Grief can be lonely， isolating， and separate。 This book made me feel less alone， and honestly， grateful to have my mom for the first 26 years of my life。 Be prepared to get emotional while reading。 More often than not， I’d find my mind bringing me back to the last week of my moms life and every day leading up to the day she passed。 It’s taken me two years to read this， because it’s heavy。 Overall， a must read if you’ve lost y As a woman who lost her mom in her mid-twenties， this book has it all。 Grief can be lonely， isolating， and separate。 This book made me feel less alone， and honestly， grateful to have my mom for the first 26 years of my life。 Be prepared to get emotional while reading。 More often than not， I’d find my mind bringing me back to the last week of my moms life and every day leading up to the day she passed。 It’s taken me two years to read this， because it’s heavy。 Overall， a must read if you’ve lost your mom - or even for those who love someone who’ve lost a mom。 。。。more

Laura Jayne ，

My Mother died suddenly in the July of this year in a tragic car accident。 Having never been built or prepared to expect such a loss; I was thrown into an instant world of loneliness and fear。 I am only at the very beginning stages of grief， but this book landed in my lap when it really was necessary to find a healthy coping mechanism。 I feel as though I can be friends and FINALLY relate to all of the Women in this book even though we’ve never met。 Hope Edelman comprises interviews， studies and My Mother died suddenly in the July of this year in a tragic car accident。 Having never been built or prepared to expect such a loss; I was thrown into an instant world of loneliness and fear。 I am only at the very beginning stages of grief， but this book landed in my lap when it really was necessary to find a healthy coping mechanism。 I feel as though I can be friends and FINALLY relate to all of the Women in this book even though we’ve never met。 Hope Edelman comprises interviews， studies and her own personal accounts into a work which somehow pieces together how a Daughter continues a legacy and survival without her Mother here guiding her hand。 It is a book of transparency， grief and， ultimately， hope， and a consistent reminder that whilst a Mother may not be with her Daughter physically; she is part of everything her Daughter continues to do and become。 。。。more

Hans Otterson ，

Full of stories that illuminate the particular difficulties faced by women who lose their mothers early， this book is an excellent resource for families。

Toni Wyatt ，

This book helped me so much when my mom died。 Especially know that the stages of grief were never meant for loved ones， but for the dying。 It's been over 15 years， and I still have moments when I can't believe she's gone。 I've loaned out this book and bought copies for friends who have lost their mothers。 It does help。 This book helped me so much when my mom died。 Especially know that the stages of grief were never meant for loved ones， but for the dying。 It's been over 15 years， and I still have moments when I can't believe she's gone。 I've loaned out this book and bought copies for friends who have lost their mothers。 It does help。 。。。more

Megan ，

Will be thinking about aspects of this book for a long time。

Jade ，

Don’t have much to say， except that if you have lost a mother， or if you love someone who has: read this。 So much of this rung true for me as a motherless daughter of 1 1/2 years。 And so much of it was healing and encouraging。 Yes， it was hard to read but it was undeniably worth it and I’m so glad it exists。

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0