Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself
- Downloads：5434
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-09-19 09:55:46
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Aziz Gazipura
- ISBN：098897987X
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
Are You Too Nice？
If you find it hard to be assertive， directly ask for what you want， or say "no" to others， then you just might be suffering from too much niceness。
In this controversial book， world-renowned confidence expert， Dr。 Aziz Gazipura， takes an incisive look at the concept of nice。 Through his typical style， Dr。 Aziz uses engaging stories， humor， and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold， expressive， authentic version of you。 You'll discover how to:
=> Easily say "no" when you want to and need to。
=> Confidently and effectively ask for what you want。
=> Speak up more freely in all your relationships。
=> Eliminate feelings of guilt， anxiety， and worry about what others will think。
If you find it hard to be assertive， directly ask for what you want， or say "no" to others， then you just might be suffering from too much niceness。
In this controversial book， world-renowned confidence expert， Dr。 Aziz Gazipura， takes an incisive look at the concept of nice。 Through his typical style， Dr。 Aziz uses engaging stories， humor， and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold， expressive， authentic version of you。 You'll discover how to:
=> Easily say "no" when you want to and need to。
=> Confidently and effectively ask for what you want。
=> Speak up more freely in all your relationships。
=> Eliminate feelings of guilt， anxiety， and worry about what others will think。
Reviews
Avid
，
Very difficult to review this book。 I can see it helping some that are already fairly balanced and understand how to draw their own boundaries。 What I do not see as a good in this book is someone who is starting from the very beginning stages of all he is describing and doing as he suggests。 The end result may be something he liked for himself but he is a licensed professional in this field he was messing around in。 A lay person afraid to _______ （fill in the blank from his book） without guidanc Very difficult to review this book。 I can see it helping some that are already fairly balanced and understand how to draw their own boundaries。 What I do not see as a good in this book is someone who is starting from the very beginning stages of all he is describing and doing as he suggests。 The end result may be something he liked for himself but he is a licensed professional in this field he was messing around in。 A lay person afraid to _______ （fill in the blank from his book） without guidance may easily lose their job， a long time friend， a close family member， or even a spouse， etc。 All for self gratification and speaking your mind because you have that right？ Sounds more like a self centered jerk to me constantly trying to negotiate & play "Let's Make A Deal"。 Hmmm，。。。 ？？？？ Not my idea of someone I want to be around。 Sounds exhausting。 Someone who gets easily bored。 May change plans on you at any time and that is your issue。 ie: at his request you invited a couple from his business firm， took the day off to prepare， purchased everything， and spent hours cooking only to have him call an hour before saying he changed his mind and was going out with some friends for a beer。 Nope。 Not okay。 I did think the awareness of the behaviors， the how this came about possibly， how we fall into a rut， etc was a good eye opener for everyone as a check and balance in all situations in life。 His list of steps in starting a new you，。。。 perhaps it could have been more of a list of steps on how he changed。 。。。more
Claire
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2。5。。。some good stuff， but linger than it needs to be， oversimplified for people without toxic relationships， and a little too self-indulgent in his wittiness。
Kristin
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4 starsI'm at a point in my life where I'm doing a lot of inward reflection， and Not Nice was the ideal book for me right now。 Not Nice is for people like myself who struggle to be assertive and direct and tend to take the more polite route， often at our own expense。 Not Nice aims to teach that the opposite of nice isn't mean， but rather authentic。 I might not have agreed with Aziz Gazipura on everything， but I learned a lot， and for that， I'm grateful。 4 starsI'm at a point in my life where I'm doing a lot of inward reflection， and Not Nice was the ideal book for me right now。 Not Nice is for people like myself who struggle to be assertive and direct and tend to take the more polite route， often at our own expense。 Not Nice aims to teach that the opposite of nice isn't mean， but rather authentic。 I might not have agreed with Aziz Gazipura on everything， but I learned a lot， and for that， I'm grateful。 。。。more
Jac
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great
Evan
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A friend recommended this book to me and it was definitely a good one。 For most of my life， I had been "conditioned" to be the "nice guy，" always thinking it was better to just avoid conflicts whenever possible。 After reading this book， my view of both myself and the world really changed。 Rather than shy away from conflicts， we should embrace them。 Rather than "cover up" how we're feeling， we should just let it out。 We care way too much about what other people think of us。 Honestly， it's more ho A friend recommended this book to me and it was definitely a good one。 For most of my life， I had been "conditioned" to be the "nice guy，" always thinking it was better to just avoid conflicts whenever possible。 After reading this book， my view of both myself and the world really changed。 Rather than shy away from conflicts， we should embrace them。 Rather than "cover up" how we're feeling， we should just let it out。 We care way too much about what other people think of us。 Honestly， it's more honest to be direct with your feelings; trying to cover up how you feel is manipulative。 After reading through the book once， I am able to understand its concepts。 To put the concepts into practice， I will need to re-read some chapters again。 The examples and exercises in the book were excellent， easy to complete， meaningful， and easy to relate to。 However， I am not going to lie， this was a long book。 I'm not sure if it could have been trimmed， but I definitely was clicking kind of fast through some of the pages while reading on my iPad。 Some of the explanations were a bit repetitive。 I think saying it once and letting it sink in would be more powerful than continuing to explain the same point。 Concepts such as "embracing your shadow，" "being selfish，" and "finding comfort in discomfort" really had a big impact on me。 Frankly， I am excited to start implementing what I learned from this book as soon as possible。 I thought this book served as a good complement to the book "Psycho-Cybernetics" because they both encourage people to stop "overly filtering" their true nature。 "Nice guys" are highly inhibited - they need to start acting and speaking BEFORE they think; they are way too much in their heads， which makes it difficult for others to connect to them。 。。。more
Nathan Ford
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This was a very affirming book。 While some parts of it were not entirely useful to where I am， some sections felt as if they were written for me。 Would easily recommend this to any young adult。
Ufo
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Hmm。 The author said his book is not everyone。 I understand that， and it's certainly not for me。 I prefer books with straightforward， to-the-point writing style。 This book is not。 It's lengthy and repetitive。 I read a bunch of self-help or psychology books that took more of a science-backed approach。 Those books talked about research， studies， their clients' experiences。 This is book is the opposite。 It's too much of his personal experiences and anecdotes。 At the same time， I feel like the book Hmm。 The author said his book is not everyone。 I understand that， and it's certainly not for me。 I prefer books with straightforward， to-the-point writing style。 This book is not。 It's lengthy and repetitive。 I read a bunch of self-help or psychology books that took more of a science-backed approach。 Those books talked about research， studies， their clients' experiences。 This is book is the opposite。 It's too much of his personal experiences and anecdotes。 At the same time， I feel like the book does not bring me to explore my thoughts or feelings deep enough。 To me， reading a self-help book should be a self-realization journey to a deeper and deeper level。 Usually that happens through a series of insights and evidence that the author provides。 However， this book is way too many of the author's stories。 Reading it made me feel like when you want to share your stories or problems with someone， instead of them listening to you and helping you peel the layers， it ends up them doing most of the talking about themselves and you end up listening to their problems instead。 I'm sure everyone has different tastes and expectations。 To me， this book was not what I needed。 I could not even finish the book at all。 。。。more
Kristal Francis
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Going in for 1 more round soon
Elly Call
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Parts of this book were truly useful—I did like the exercises in being authentic over just nice。 But I’m so tired of people talking about Alpha wolves goddamnit！！！ They’re long debunked！ They’re just family pairs！！But that aside， also he talks about how men need to ‘DO TAKE OWN’ in sex and women need to ‘RELAX RECEIVE’ or something—I don’t like to do that no matter who I’m banging。 He does mention that queer people exist but it was hard for me to see past， very off-putting。 I’m not throwing the Parts of this book were truly useful—I did like the exercises in being authentic over just nice。 But I’m so tired of people talking about Alpha wolves goddamnit！！！ They’re long debunked！ They’re just family pairs！！But that aside， also he talks about how men need to ‘DO TAKE OWN’ in sex and women need to ‘RELAX RECEIVE’ or something—I don’t like to do that no matter who I’m banging。 He does mention that queer people exist but it was hard for me to see past， very off-putting。 I’m not throwing the whole book out， there were really helpful things I took from it， but this feels more targeted to men than me。 Thank you though， book， for the good things。 。。。more
Elon Gersahom Kline
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Very Transformational BookOne of the malt transformational books I’ve read。 There are action steps in every page and most of them I can do in a couple of minutes。
Christy Benami
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3。5 ⭐️ Learned many helpful tips on how， when and why to say no。 The content at times was eye opening and evoked constant reflection。 However， I don’t think this book is for everyone。 The audiobook was way too long （18 hrs） and there was definitely things I did not agree with as a good portion of the book is about the author’s own experiences。
Fenix90
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I like the main idea behind this book but since the beginning， I felt it very repetitive。
Maria
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3。5 stars。The audio book was very long， as others have stated， but I think this is the type of book that you have to listen to a little bit at a time to take in the lessons。 While it was repetitive at times， it made me more mindful of when I'm being 'too nice' and not my authentic self。 3。5 stars。The audio book was very long， as others have stated， but I think this is the type of book that you have to listen to a little bit at a time to take in the lessons。 While it was repetitive at times， it made me more mindful of when I'm being 'too nice' and not my authentic self。 。。。more
Akshat Agarwal
，
What an amazing book。This book came into my life at the right time for me。 I needed this book so much。 I have learned a lot from this book especially how to set boundaries and how I am only responsible for my feelings not other persons。 And it is my responsibility to identify my needs and wants and go out in the world and fulfill them。
BrieAnna
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Some useful activities and points made。
Ana
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Looooved it， it is absolutely life changing
Cynthia
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I LOVE this book。 I read （actually listened to it） twice in fact。 I have fundamentally changed how I have been operating in the topics he covers over the course of my life （ 63 year's worth）。 He passionately cares about helping people， he is warm and funny， honest and open。 I recommend this book with 10 stars for anyone that has struggled with issues of confidence。 I also recommend his 2 other books。 I LOVE this book。 I read （actually listened to it） twice in fact。 I have fundamentally changed how I have been operating in the topics he covers over the course of my life （ 63 year's worth）。 He passionately cares about helping people， he is warm and funny， honest and open。 I recommend this book with 10 stars for anyone that has struggled with issues of confidence。 I also recommend his 2 other books。 。。。more
Iván Dure
，
While the book was practical and enjoyable to some degree， it ended up being quite too long for a book that could perfectly fit into 200 pages， at the most。 I found helpful some insights and exercises offered by the author throughout the pages， but some others I had to take with a grain of salt due to their irrational-egotistic nature。 I found that the author has a slightly different perspective on some values we share， I didn't agree with the way he deemed things that are significant to me such While the book was practical and enjoyable to some degree， it ended up being quite too long for a book that could perfectly fit into 200 pages， at the most。 I found helpful some insights and exercises offered by the author throughout the pages， but some others I had to take with a grain of salt due to their irrational-egotistic nature。 I found that the author has a slightly different perspective on some values we share， I didn't agree with the way he deemed things that are significant to me such as the concept of friendship， family， compassion， and empathy （he has a different scale of values in this regard）。 Being a book written by a psychologist， I was expecting his ideas and insights to be backed up by data/research instead of being mainly focused on his own experiences。 Nonetheless， it might be useful for people looking for some guidance and specific exercises in this topic。 。。。more
Daniel Guglielmo
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Love this devils advocate， non-cookie cutter view of self improvement。 As simple as that。 Some people’s personalities will not allow them to refrain from people-pleasing， but this book is very valuable in the sense that we’re acting in a world of overthinking efforts to appear docile to promote positive images of yourself in others’ minds。
Mila Mi
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This could have been written in one chapter！ So much repetition （audio book）。
Benjamin Honeycutt
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I don’t quite know how to structure a review of this book。 My therapist recommended a few excerpts for me in February。 I had a cyclical tendency of getting triggered by a few folks I used to work with in an old workplace。 This would result in me having heated reactions， and then those involved would look at me as the aggressor。 I would feel incredible guilt after those reactions （and usually， I’d then apologize）。 I reflected on this with my therapist and developed a few strategies on this book。 I don’t quite know how to structure a review of this book。 My therapist recommended a few excerpts for me in February。 I had a cyclical tendency of getting triggered by a few folks I used to work with in an old workplace。 This would result in me having heated reactions， and then those involved would look at me as the aggressor。 I would feel incredible guilt after those reactions （and usually， I’d then apologize）。 I reflected on this with my therapist and developed a few strategies on this book。 To put it simply， to ask an aggressive person to repeat themselves if their aggression catches me off guard， to be respectful， yet firm in my requests of them - and stay with my initial requests （by repeating them） rather than unravel and get sidetracked in these interpersonal conflicts。 From this book I have worked on meditating after these events too。 In this way， the book offered what I had been looking for since I was in high school。 So， why 3 stars？ The author’s advice kind of works like a buffet line throughout the book， and some of the advice just doesn’t work。 For instance， I took the advice on being firm when starting the conversation， but in his second step of this section， he advocates telling a workplace aggressor by saying something like “I don’t have time for you to act like a child” if the aggressor got defensive。 Essentially， to fight fire with fire。 This was， in essence， what had been getting me into trouble in these situations and just was terrible advice in my experience。 But， in a completely different section of the book （one I wasn’t even recommended to read）， the author then talked about the importance of being calm but firm in your requests to a close friend。 If your friend gets defensive or throws out distractions — to continue your initial request in a respectful， but firm way。 I ended up taking parts from both of those strategy to develop a strategy that has seemed to work for me。 BUT， step one of this other process （approaching your friend about a habit of theirs that annoys you）， it advocates that instead of being upfront with your friend， to instead say “I noticed that you have this habit” and have your friend open up about the habit and then while they’re talking about it bring up your issues with it。 To me this feels passive aggressive， and almost manipulative， as you are approaching a conversation with a close friend about a habit of theirs， before revealing how it bothers you in what feels like an underhanded way。 The author also tends to lose his main thread in his points。 He often layers his advice with stories， anecdotes， and excessive amounts of detail that make his point by point self help book meander in unnecessary narratives。 At the end of the day？ I am thankful I read this book。 The strategy I developed has already paid dividends and I’m thankful for it。 If there’s any advice I have， it is to treat the advice in here like a buffet line， some of it may be smart to pass on， but other parts you may love and may be very helpful to you。 。。。more
Andre Borges
，
🚛Could it be shorter？ Yes， it’s not for everyone， but the kind of content deserves to be reinforced。 ♻️Does it contain some “”recycled material””？ Yes， it’s not for everyone and I would prefer to call it curated material。📋Is it practical？ One of the most practical and exercise driven books I’ve ever read💭Am I somewhat influenced by some recent conversations with my partner around this people pleasing default mode that drives most of us？ Yup， most certainly。⏳Is it worth the large read/listen for 🚛Could it be shorter？ Yes， it’s not for everyone， but the kind of content deserves to be reinforced。 ♻️Does it contain some “”recycled material””？ Yes， it’s not for everyone and I would prefer to call it curated material。📋Is it practical？ One of the most practical and exercise driven books I’ve ever read💭Am I somewhat influenced by some recent conversations with my partner around this people pleasing default mode that drives most of us？ Yup， most certainly。⏳Is it worth the large read/listen for you？ I would need to have some background on your niceness level to accurately reply here， but if you are at least a bit of a people pleaser， most definitely it will give you both food for tought and several directions to at least explore in your growth path。 Take it as a secondary book to saviour in at least a couple of weeks and please give some time and tought in each proposed exercise。I would advice NOT to do the same I did， listening to this book for 6-7 hours straight at 3 times the speed while taking notes on a giant walk （40Km walk， my longest one yet） and stoping for the exercises。 At the end of the day really helpful book， that I can guarantee won’t make you an assh*le unless you’re already one 😅 。。。more
Alhadi Alfateh
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Don't lose the spark that makes 。。 You Don't lose the spark that makes 。。 You 。。。more
d4
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I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about。 He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness。 Honey， no。 There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them。 Instead， his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety。 Context exists。 You can choose to ignore it but that does I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about。 He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness。 Honey， no。 There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them。 Instead， his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety。 Context exists。 You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk。 I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity， where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her。” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe。 There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others， but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy。 It’s based on （lengthy） personal experiences and anecdotes。 You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen， but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe？ I’d be interested in that book。 If that book doesn’t exist， then my suggestion is to take this book a la carte。 Glean meaning where you can and dispose of the rest。 You might have a 3 or even 4 star experience that way， especially if you relate to the author more than I do。 。。。more
Lily Shi
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Had been a people pleasers for almost 30 years。 It took out too much of my energy and time to deal with the inside conflict。 Thanks for this book which let me realize my problem and solve it in a short time window。 The way I was raised to be a parents pleaser。 then become the people pleaser。 It is such a painful experience to try to please everyone surrounding you while no one really gives your credit for it or no one really cares about that。 When you do not know how to treat yourself， how to lo Had been a people pleasers for almost 30 years。 It took out too much of my energy and time to deal with the inside conflict。 Thanks for this book which let me realize my problem and solve it in a short time window。 The way I was raised to be a parents pleaser。 then become the people pleaser。 It is such a painful experience to try to please everyone surrounding you while no one really gives your credit for it or no one really cares about that。 When you do not know how to treat yourself， how to love yourself， how to have faith in you or approve you， no one would give your the treatment you want。 。。。more
Eva Decker
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Kulturell sehr amerikanisch abgestimmt mit für meinen Geschmack etwas zu viel Motivationstrainer - Beigeschmack。 Trotzdem einige gute Ansätze
Dan Schneck
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This is a good and practical book containing sound advice for reinforcing the power of "no" in one's life。 This is a good and practical book containing sound advice for reinforcing the power of "no" in one's life。 。。。more
vaishali gahlot
，
I thoroughly loved the book。 It taught me how to live life on my own terms。 🙂
Gott
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A wonderful book that did very much for me。 It actually brings up a lot of topics， strategies and mindsets haven't encountered anywhere else。 Dr。 Aziz might not be the best writer in the world， sometimes he repeats himself to much which makes the book a bit to long。 But still， his tips on confidence is world class。 Will most likely be a reread for me in the future。 Recommend this one。 A wonderful book that did very much for me。 It actually brings up a lot of topics， strategies and mindsets haven't encountered anywhere else。 Dr。 Aziz might not be the best writer in the world， sometimes he repeats himself to much which makes the book a bit to long。 But still， his tips on confidence is world class。 Will most likely be a reread for me in the future。 Recommend this one。 。。。more
KN
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