The Way I Used to Be
- Downloads：5739
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-09-09 09:55:40
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Amber Smith
- ISBN：1481449362
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
A New York Times bestseller。
In the tradition of Speak， this extraordinary debut novel “is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love， relationships， and life” （School Library Journal， starred review）。
Eden was always good at being good。 Starting high school didn’t change who she was。 But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her， Eden’s world capsizes。
What was once simple， is now complex。 What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates。 What she thought she knew to be true， is now lies。 Nothing makes sense anymore， and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t。 So she buries it instead。 And she buries the way she used to be。
Told in four parts—freshman， sophomore， junior， and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma。 But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence， of first love and first heartbreak， of friendships broken and rebuilt， all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart。
In the tradition of Speak， this extraordinary debut novel “is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love， relationships， and life” （School Library Journal， starred review）。
Eden was always good at being good。 Starting high school didn’t change who she was。 But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her， Eden’s world capsizes。
What was once simple， is now complex。 What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates。 What she thought she knew to be true， is now lies。 Nothing makes sense anymore， and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t。 So she buries it instead。 And she buries the way she used to be。
Told in four parts—freshman， sophomore， junior， and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma。 But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence， of first love and first heartbreak， of friendships broken and rebuilt， all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart。
Reviews
Maddie
，
This book is such an important read。 It’s so so SO honest and real。 Definitely make sure you look up trigger warnings before you read
Emerson
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I hated the lead character， she was so stuck up and annoying but then again that is who teenagers are deep down most of the time。 She was so stuck in a loop of having sex with any guy she could and it was hard to read sometimes but overall I liked the book as a whole。
Anna Mitchell
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trigger warning！！ a very touchy subject book but great to bring awareness to these types of situations！
Elizabeth Nunez
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Great read and refreshing storyline and characters。
Hafsah
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So， this book was painful。 Very， very painful。 It has one of the most accurate depictions of depression and a downward mental spiral， ive ever fucking read。 I appreciate how it shows how hard it can be to talk about trauma， and how you can end up resenting yourself for not speaking up about said trauma。。。。JUST WOW THIS BOOK FUCKED ME UP， im not ok。 no one talk to me 😭😭😭😭 TRIGGERS - on page rape， bullying， drug use， addiction
Lydia
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3。5 stars - definitely a sad and at times uncomfortable book but one that focuses on a very important topic。 i think the writing was amazing but there were moments i felt disappointed with how the story was progressing。 going into this i expected more of a focus on eden’s disclosure but it really only happens at the end。 i think i would have liked to have seen more of that and how it really affected those around her。 would definitely read more from this author。
Sare
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4，5tan 5 yani。。。bu kitap beni vurdu vurdu duvara attı vurdu vurdu duvara attı cidden oturup ağlamamak için kendimi durdurduğum o kadar yer vardı ki kalbim aşırı acayip fena kırık gidip mafya kitabı okuyarak kendimi eğlendireceğim
Ally Campbell
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SOOOOO GOOOODDDD
Maddie Richard
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Wow， this book is very emotional to say the least。 This book is so eye opening。 So real。 So painful。 I wish one day in the near future this book would be in schools waiting for a girl who needs it。
Ellis
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This book really took me on a trip， wow。 This story is written in such a honest and raw way。 It had me hooked from the beginning。 Read this book。
Vicki
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 "It's his girlfriend。 It just- it doesn't even make sense- I mean， why would he need to rape someone he was already sleeping with？" It made sense to me， of course。 He needed to make her feel worthless， needed to control her， needed to hurt her， needed to leave her powerless。 When I say this book was hard to read， I mean it was HARD to read。 From the very beginning when you're praying for Eden to just say one word instead of letting everyone brush aside the hurt she's obviously showing， just o "It's his girlfriend。 It just- it doesn't even make sense- I mean， why would he need to rape someone he was already sleeping with？" It made sense to me， of course。 He needed to make her feel worthless， needed to control her， needed to hurt her， needed to leave her powerless。 When I say this book was hard to read， I mean it was HARD to read。 From the very beginning when you're praying for Eden to just say one word instead of letting everyone brush aside the hurt she's obviously showing， just one word， whisper it if you need to， just say something。 To when you understand exactly why she can't say anything！ To the very end when you're crying because after years in a downward spiral， she's finally able to find the words to say。 1 in 6 women in America has been the victim of rape。 Every victim's experience is different and affects them in different ways。 I feel like this book perfectly depicts what it's like when you have to experience something so traumatic so young， and to not have anyone that you feel like you could turn to when you need help the most。 How because when you can't find the help you so desperately need， that you turn against not only the world but also yourself and slip further and further from the person you used to be。 While I couldn't agree with all of Eden's actions， I could understand the desperate feeling of loneliness that led her to her decisions。 。。。more
Aali Hashim
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 i cried so much reading this book。 it was beautiful。 but since i finished reading， i can't stop thinking about the fact that we have made it so hard for teenage girls to tell us things。 no one should feel like they can't tell anyone when they have been assaulted/abused。 but everyone feels like that。 and i wish that wasn't the case。 amber smith does such an excellent job of showing us how assault and abuse can affect people in different ways。 how it affects the people around us， and how it can ma i cried so much reading this book。 it was beautiful。 but since i finished reading， i can't stop thinking about the fact that we have made it so hard for teenage girls to tell us things。 no one should feel like they can't tell anyone when they have been assaulted/abused。 but everyone feels like that。 and i wish that wasn't the case。 amber smith does such an excellent job of showing us how assault and abuse can affect people in different ways。 how it affects the people around us， and how it can make us become entirely different people。 and while it is heartbreaking and so so sad， i also think it's so important that we talk about these things with less stigma so that survivors know that they can talk about their experiences。 。。。more
Heather
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I enjoyed this book but it was a bit of an eye opener when it comes to parenting。 How you can miss things right in front of you。 Sad。
Karlee Victoria
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3。75
Darlyne
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Totally boring。
Savannah Stevie💛
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Something about rating this book it just doesn’t sit right with me。 The writing style was okay and the story itself is completely heartbreaking。 It took me a very long time to read but that is because I got covid the day that I started it and I’ve been feeling like death ever since。 But today I’m finally feeling okay and I got the urge to be able to finish it。 This story is all too common which makes it more heartbreaking but it’s such an important story that needs to be told。
Izzi
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This book got to show a different side of rape and drug use。 It shows the struggle of coming back from something so emotional trauma。
Layla
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I started crying in chapter 1 and finished crying once I had read the last page。 This book is such a hard read yet so incredible。 Amber wrote this so well。 I've never experienced anything like this in the book and I hope I never do， but my heart is broken for anyone that has。 It makes me feel so angry that people have gone through this and people will continue to go through this because people absolutely suck。 I read this book in 3 hours which is the quickest time I've ever read a book。 I started crying in chapter 1 and finished crying once I had read the last page。 This book is such a hard read yet so incredible。 Amber wrote this so well。 I've never experienced anything like this in the book and I hope I never do， but my heart is broken for anyone that has。 It makes me feel so angry that people have gone through this and people will continue to go through this because people absolutely suck。 I read this book in 3 hours which is the quickest time I've ever read a book。 。。。more
Ellery
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this book really makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward yet it's so well written which imo is very hard but yeah this book was good i would give it 5 stars but i read it so long ago and can only remember bits and pieces this book really makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward yet it's so well written which imo is very hard but yeah this book was good i would give it 5 stars but i read it so long ago and can only remember bits and pieces 。。。more
Bibi
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I found this a very good written book。 It describes how drastically someone can change when something horrendous like this happens and I believe it’s very important for people to read and understand this。 Because this is what happens so so many people and it’s absolutely horrible。Very well written， unfortunately it ended quite abruptly。 I would’ve liked it to have a longer ending but still very well。
Ashley Case
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this book was so amazing。 it had so much raw emotion and I was balling by the end。 the built up emotion will keep you reading。 I love the author and the way she writes。 this book was incredible and the ending was the best part。
Ellaura Shoop
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Raw and real。 An eye-opener。 Worth the read。
albinad128
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This is a time I really hate the ratings on this site because 5 stars doesn’t do this book justice。 I just finished this book a few minutes ago， and I already know it’s one that I’ll be thinking about for the rest of my life。 There’s just not enough words to describe my emotions on how this book made me feel and the way Eden especially impacted me。 There was times I was screaming at the pages of this book， times I was actually sobbing and times where all I thought about was how everything is goi This is a time I really hate the ratings on this site because 5 stars doesn’t do this book justice。 I just finished this book a few minutes ago， and I already know it’s one that I’ll be thinking about for the rest of my life。 There’s just not enough words to describe my emotions on how this book made me feel and the way Eden especially impacted me。 There was times I was screaming at the pages of this book， times I was actually sobbing and times where all I thought about was how everything is going to enfold， making me finish the entire book in less than 24 hours。 The writing is some of the most beautiful I’ve ever read before， though provoking enough to just make me pause and reread certain lines from how amazed I was at the wording。 I won’t stop talking about this book so I’m just going to finish this review by saying go read it！！ 。。。more
Jax
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⚠️TW: rape！！！！！！！⚠️This book got me out of my 4 YEAR reading slump。 It is so so amazing。 It carries you through Eden’s high school years in four parts， and takes you with her on her journey of putting herself back together after her brothers best friend rapes her。 Such a good read。
norra birdy
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this book is not perfect but it is so worth reading！！！ the characters are so frustrating but it’s also part of why i liked it so much， there is so much conflict for the reader。 i could be so frustrated with eden but all i wanted was justice for her。 i think perspective with this book is so important and you need to realize that the author did not make this in hopes of anybody agreeing with the behaviour from eden。 it truly felt like i was seeing eden develop and watching her change as a person， this book is not perfect but it is so worth reading！！！ the characters are so frustrating but it’s also part of why i liked it so much， there is so much conflict for the reader。 i could be so frustrated with eden but all i wanted was justice for her。 i think perspective with this book is so important and you need to realize that the author did not make this in hopes of anybody agreeing with the behaviour from eden。 it truly felt like i was seeing eden develop and watching her change as a person， even if it was for the worse。 the author did a really job at splitting up the four years。 i think junior year was really short- but maybe it’s better that way。 。。。more
Anik
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 tw: rapeThe story spans over 4 years， from freshman year to senior year。 It’s about the aftermath of Eden getting raped。 It’s a very sensitive but important topic。 The story was well written and you could really put yourself in Eden’s shoes。 It really shows the long lasting effects of the rape on her relationships with her friends， family and love， school， sexuality， etc。 Eden becomes this mean， self-sabotaging， angry girl。 I could understand her friends being annoyed with her until she finally tw: rapeThe story spans over 4 years， from freshman year to senior year。 It’s about the aftermath of Eden getting raped。 It’s a very sensitive but important topic。 The story was well written and you could really put yourself in Eden’s shoes。 It really shows the long lasting effects of the rape on her relationships with her friends， family and love， school， sexuality， etc。 Eden becomes this mean， self-sabotaging， angry girl。 I could understand her friends being annoyed with her until she finally has the courage to open up。 The first chapters got me hooked as for the last 20% were very moving and powerful。 I had a hard time rating this book。 I was oscillating 3 and 4。 I’m rating it 3。5 stars。 It’s not the first book I’ve read with a similar story， but every survivor has a different story that deserves to be told。 。。。more
Audrey M
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I think that this book is honestly perfect。 The reader has this secret of assault that happened to her in her freshmen year， and what comes after it is honestly what you would expect。 Dealing with the aftermath of such trauma is detailed in such an immaculate way。 The way her anger and disgust with the world is done in such an accurate way。 I love how the book is separated into four parts， or the years of high school。 It perfectly outlines how fast those four years are and allowed for a really n I think that this book is honestly perfect。 The reader has this secret of assault that happened to her in her freshmen year， and what comes after it is honestly what you would expect。 Dealing with the aftermath of such trauma is detailed in such an immaculate way。 The way her anger and disgust with the world is done in such an accurate way。 I love how the book is separated into four parts， or the years of high school。 It perfectly outlines how fast those four years are and allowed for a really nice pace of the book as well。 I think the tension and confusion of Eden's （main characters） actions perfectly paints what was happening inside her head after what happened to her。 There are subtle changes throughout the book too。 For example （light spoilers）， how she changes from a young girl to a young woman， how she mentally calls her parents by their first names， how she begins to cuss after not ever saying anything out loud， how she slowly makes more and more poor choices， how she starts smoking， how mean and angry she gets （rightfully so）， how she forces herself into a version strength， her attitude about Mara （her best friend）， her reactions to things after trauma etc。 All these changes paint this wonderfully tragic picture of growing up in high school after facing what happened to her。 。。。more
Maddie Mae
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~No thoughts yet must think~
juliette naud
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 oh my god。 wow。 i don’t even know what to say 。。 “All these maybes swimming around my head make me think that “maybe” could just be an other word for hope。” last sentence of the book。 this book is truly amazing。 everybody should read this。 and also “To you。 to every you who has ever known the feeling of needing ways to be。” cried so much
Isabelle Nickerson
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Everyone needs to read this。 Especially if you are a survivor of sexual assault。。 it’s beautifully written。 Its written with the upmost respect for recovery & familial assaults。
Reference
google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=The Way I Used to Be
hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=The Way I Used to Be&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft
The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,The Way I Used to Be&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0