Fiction

My Dark Vanessa

My Dark Vanessa

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-08-19 05:50:59
  • Update Date：2025-09-07
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Kate Elizabeth Russell
  • ISBN：0008342253
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Summary

An era-defining novel about the relationship between a fifteen-year-old girl and her teacher。

Vanessa Wye was fifteen years old when she first had sex with her English teacher。

She is now thirty-two and the teacher， Jacob Strane， has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student of his。 Vanessa is horrified by this news， because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn’t abuse。 It was love。 She’s sure of that。 But now， in 2017， in the midst of allegations against powerful men， she is being asked to redefine the great love story of her life – her great sexual awakening – as rape。

Nuanced， uncomfortable， bold and powerful， and as riveting as it is disturbing， My Dark Vanessa goes straight to the heart of some of the most complex issues our age is grappling with。

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Reviews

sam！！ ，

beautifully written with complex characters。 A new favorite of mine。 Difficult to read nonetheless

Dana Lotocky ，

Great story。 I found it dragged on。 I found it very interesting how easily Vanessa was so manipulated。

Dominique Daoust ，

It’s hard to accurately describe how this book made me feel。 On the one hand， this is an important story about abuse， manipulation and grooming that is hard to stomach but needs to be addressed。 I can see this book generating thoughtful conversations in book clubs or as part of a University syllabus。On the other hand， I couldn’t wait to be done with this book so I could move on to better things。 I’m a lover of true-crime and psychological thrillers， but this felt like a whole other level of dark It’s hard to accurately describe how this book made me feel。 On the one hand， this is an important story about abuse， manipulation and grooming that is hard to stomach but needs to be addressed。 I can see this book generating thoughtful conversations in book clubs or as part of a University syllabus。On the other hand， I couldn’t wait to be done with this book so I could move on to better things。 I’m a lover of true-crime and psychological thrillers， but this felt like a whole other level of dark。 It also felt like it was indulging too much in certain areas that were clearly filler。 I felt like the impact of the story could have been much more impactful and succinct if it were a novella。 。。。more

Haley ，

This is a harrowing read it is written in from the viewpoint of Vanessa， as a high school girl and then from her "current perspective，" as a 31 year old woman。 It encompasses such a delicate subject， but the writer handles it well and with respect and grace。 Highly recommend。 This is a harrowing read it is written in from the viewpoint of Vanessa， as a high school girl and then from her "current perspective，" as a 31 year old woman。 It encompasses such a delicate subject， but the writer handles it well and with respect and grace。 Highly recommend。 。。。more

Luna Samra ，

This book made me so angry， yet at the same time I couldn’t put it down。 It woke up so many emotions in me。

Sara Lewis ，

How do I rate a book that made me feel so bad， but was written so well？

Janet ，

It was hard to rate this book。 I did feel that the portrait of the abuser， including his justifications， was well-written。 I had trouble with the fact that a major event happens halfway through the book， and the second half is somewhat tedious and repetitive。

Sabrina Voerman ，

I've never read a book that destroyed me as much as this one did。It's a book you don't want to read， but cannot possibly put down。 It makes you feel every kind of disgusted， it's horrifying in a way that is so real， which makes it all the worse。 The writing is amazing， the way that Russell has captured the way victims of this kind see themselves， the way these stories get told。。。 Everything about this book was eye-opening and gut-wrenching。 It was hard to read， and it left me absolutely wrecked。 I've never read a book that destroyed me as much as this one did。It's a book you don't want to read， but cannot possibly put down。 It makes you feel every kind of disgusted， it's horrifying in a way that is so real， which makes it all the worse。 The writing is amazing， the way that Russell has captured the way victims of this kind see themselves， the way these stories get told。。。 Everything about this book was eye-opening and gut-wrenching。 It was hard to read， and it left me absolutely wrecked。 It's a book that is so well written， and so carefully constructed。 There is nothing said that is not needed to be said。 You can tear through this， and then be horrified that you read something so awful so quickly。 It's one to reflect on， it's one you will never forget， it gets underneath your skin and crawls around。 I'm still processing what I read - this story will not leave my mind easily， it's absolutely haunting。 。。。more

Maureen K ，

I like to go into my books completely blind。 I saw this recommended quite a bit in some of my book groups， and WOW。 This was a tough one to get through but somehow I flew through reading it; I could not put it down， even though I was pretty horrified throughout， as well as pissed off， irritated， angry， sad。 I basically went through every possible negative emotion while reading it。 And that's why I think it was so fantastic。 I realized while reading it that I didn't need to have positive feelings I like to go into my books completely blind。 I saw this recommended quite a bit in some of my book groups， and WOW。 This was a tough one to get through but somehow I flew through reading it; I could not put it down， even though I was pretty horrified throughout， as well as pissed off， irritated， angry， sad。 I basically went through every possible negative emotion while reading it。 And that's why I think it was so fantastic。 I realized while reading it that I didn't need to have positive feelings while reading a book for it to be good。 And the subject matter of this book does not allow for any positive feelings。 Nonetheless I think it's so important for people to read。 These things happen every single day。 It's one of those things that I just could never understand， being groomed for abuse， but this book really laid out and displayed the physical and psychological manipulation that occurs between an abuser and their victim， and how easily it can happen for a child who is perhaps lacking a sense of self-esteem， or self-worth， or is mayber just different or a loner。 And wasn't that almost all of us during those turbulent years？ Highly recommend this book for a glimpse into this difficult subject matter， and a more complete understanding of how it could occur。 。。。more

Aneeta Thokkadam ，

it's a terrifying and disturbing read， making its inherent social commentary THAT much more original it's a terrifying and disturbing read， making its inherent social commentary THAT much more original 。。。more

Sarah ，

TW for grooming and rape。The book alternates between the young Vanessa （15 to 23 years old） and the 32 year old woman struggling with PTSD。 It's a truly harrowing story。 TW for grooming and rape。The book alternates between the young Vanessa （15 to 23 years old） and the 32 year old woman struggling with PTSD。 It's a truly harrowing story。 。。。more

Georgina ，

Could not finish

Sanvedna ，

I gave this book numerous tries before i actually completely read it。 Initially after a couple of pages i felt gnawing pangs of disgust， anguish and suffocation。Moving back and forth between 2000 and 2017， this is a riveting， psychologically consuming， complex， provocative， intense and terrifying story of a 15 year old Vanessa Wye who is abused by Jacob Strane， a 44 year old teacher at a boarding school， in the name of love and passion。 Strane， who is an evil smart predator， knows exactly what h I gave this book numerous tries before i actually completely read it。 Initially after a couple of pages i felt gnawing pangs of disgust， anguish and suffocation。Moving back and forth between 2000 and 2017， this is a riveting， psychologically consuming， complex， provocative， intense and terrifying story of a 15 year old Vanessa Wye who is abused by Jacob Strane， a 44 year old teacher at a boarding school， in the name of love and passion。 Strane， who is an evil smart predator， knows exactly what he's doing with a naive， young and gullible teenager as he lavishes her with compliments and feeds her with literary masterpieces by Plath， Dickinson and Edna St。 Vincent。 All along his motives are crytal clear but what does a child know of love？ What do we humans know of love？My Dark Vanessa is about a victim so psychologically shaped by her abuser that she needs to see herself as his accomplice， fully complicit in the things he did。 It’s the only source of power she has left。 To further enhance the damage from the blow， Russell's writing is so graphic， grotesque and bold that it physically hurts。 Her words are razor sharp which cut through your mind。 But you don't cry for Vanessa， you just bleed out， like she does psychologically throughout her journey。 To spend 383 pages reading about a protagonist defend the assault of a young girl isn't particularly pleasing。 But to understand and acknowledge the victim's mindset and to recognise abuse for what it is， this book sure is a palpable and challenging attempt。 Vanessa is an immensely difficult person to spend time with。 Is she worthwhile and would i recommend it？ I'm not sure if i have been able to decide yet。 。。。more

Salem Reid ，

I knew I would possibly resonate with this novel 。 I did， devouring it in one day… with a LOT of emotions。 The first part is extremely graphic and triggering， it was extremely hard to get through， and when I did， I wasn’t disappointed。 I don’t want to get too far into this since it is a sensitive read and I don’t feel comfortable exploring it on site， but I did get what I wanted from it in the end， a sense of “closure” that every survivor at some point strives for。 The end， when it all starts to I knew I would possibly resonate with this novel 。 I did， devouring it in one day… with a LOT of emotions。 The first part is extremely graphic and triggering， it was extremely hard to get through， and when I did， I wasn’t disappointed。 I don’t want to get too far into this since it is a sensitive read and I don’t feel comfortable exploring it on site， but I did get what I wanted from it in the end， a sense of “closure” that every survivor at some point strives for。 The end， when it all starts to feel better。 It was a brilliantly written book， and although terribly excruciating to read and sit with， it was worth it and exactly what I wanted going in， a character exploration of trauma， addiction and pain。 If you can handle it， be careful， take care of yourselves。 。。。more

Sara ，

its 2am and i can’t remember the last time i sobbed —ugly， puffy eyed， and inconsolably — the way i am now。

Isabella ，

damn

Kahlan23 ，

keď som čítala komenty pri niektorých knihách ako ich museli na chvíľu odložiť a dať medzi tým niečo iné， nechápala som tomu， nevedela som sa s nimi stotožniť。 aj keď som čítala knihy o holokauste，aj Prežil som peklo plynových komôr o Sonderkomande， dávala som to。 bolo mi síce blbo，ale tak psychicky。 ale teraz som to tak mala chuť spraviť。 z tejto knihy mi bolo fyzicky zle。Vannessa nebola blbá，alebo cvok。 ona bola mladá， naivná， hľadala sa， nemala kamarátov keď mu padla do oka。 on jej do hlavy n keď som čítala komenty pri niektorých knihách ako ich museli na chvíľu odložiť a dať medzi tým niečo iné， nechápala som tomu， nevedela som sa s nimi stotožniť。 aj keď som čítala knihy o holokauste，aj Prežil som peklo plynových komôr o Sonderkomande， dávala som to。 bolo mi síce blbo，ale tak psychicky。 ale teraz som to tak mala chuť spraviť。 z tejto knihy mi bolo fyzicky zle。Vannessa nebola blbá，alebo cvok。 ona bola mladá， naivná， hľadala sa， nemala kamarátov keď mu padla do oka。 on jej do hlavy natlačil také kaleráble， že dovi。 proste aby si myslela， že všetko to vzišlo od nej。ona bola tá čo to iniciovala， pritom on s ňou krásne manipuloval a viedol ju tam kde potreboval。 ale aby si proste myslela， že to ona。。。。jej sa "páčilo"， že je do nej "zaľúbený，má nad ním moc atď"。。。on sa jej tak dostal pod kožu a do hlavy， že jej každodenný život bol ovplyvnení ním。 utvorila si predstavu "ideálnu" prvej lásky， ktorej chcela veriť， lebo keby tak nebolo a keby prijala pravdu ako to naozaj bolo， nemusela by to zvládnúť。 nebola， nechcela uvažovať samostatne， lebo pravda by ju asi zničila ešte viacej ako bola。 aj keď si spätne prehrávala tie udalosti v hlave。 možno len na istý moment to videla čisto， tak ako to bolo。 ale keď si na tú chvíľu uvedomila krutú pravdu， radšej sa vrátila k tej "ideálnej"。 slová， ktoré používala aby to všetko ospravedlnila，boli len a len jeho， všetky tie kaleráby čo jej tlačil do hlavy。 。。。more

Erick Alonso Salinas ，

"Las excusas que creamos para justificarlos son indignantes， pero no son nada comparados con las que inventamos para justificarnos a nosotros mismos" "Las excusas que creamos para justificarlos son indignantes， pero no son nada comparados con las que inventamos para justificarnos a nosotros mismos" 。。。more

Madison Svela ，

very uncomfy。。。 and Vanessa is a very frustrating character （even though that's the point）。 very uncomfy。。。 and Vanessa is a very frustrating character （even though that's the point）。 。。。more

Darreth Naylor ，

Heartbreaking and poignant。 A very heavy， heavy story。 I was drawn into Vanessa's world immediately， and was captivated （both horrifically and mesmerizingly） by Vanessa's understanding of the events of her teacher grooming her into believing their relationship was romantic， simply a forbidden love story。 Many have said it dragged on for far too long， but I believe the mundane parts and the drawn out parts （repetition） were important in fully grasping this relationship and the ramifications of it Heartbreaking and poignant。 A very heavy， heavy story。 I was drawn into Vanessa's world immediately， and was captivated （both horrifically and mesmerizingly） by Vanessa's understanding of the events of her teacher grooming her into believing their relationship was romantic， simply a forbidden love story。 Many have said it dragged on for far too long， but I believe the mundane parts and the drawn out parts （repetition） were important in fully grasping this relationship and the ramifications of it。I hate to say I loved it because I didn’t， I hated everything about Vanessa’s story， but yet I couldn’t stop reading it and bearing witness to what she experienced。 Fictional or not， these stories are plentiful in our world。 。。。more

Connie Pilachowski ，

"I feel split in two。。。 I'll probably always feel this way but I want it。 I have to。"I LOVED this book。 I know that's weird to say considering the content but it is so beautifully written。 The author is a master at setting a scene and immersing the reader into it。 The characters are complex and it felt like something new was always happening。Of course this book will make you mad but hearing Vanessa's side will help you understand how some children/teenagers find themselves in these situations。 I "I feel split in two。。。 I'll probably always feel this way but I want it。 I have to。"I LOVED this book。 I know that's weird to say considering the content but it is so beautifully written。 The author is a master at setting a scene and immersing the reader into it。 The characters are complex and it felt like something new was always happening。Of course this book will make you mad but hearing Vanessa's side will help you understand how some children/teenagers find themselves in these situations。 I can relate to what Vanessa went through and maybe that's also part of why I loved this book so much。 The author did an amazing job portraying Vanessa's feelings and actions。 The aftermath that can and will arise when the abuser is exposed。 The entire portions with her parents picking her up from Browick hit me so hard。 My Dark Vanessa is so packed with information and "action" and it's so thought provoking。 I'll be thinking about this one for a long time。I listened to the audiobook and at the end Kate Russell and the narrator （pardon me for forgetting her name） are interviewed。 Kate said she worked on this book for years， tweaking and rewriting parts as new ideas formed。 Vanessa grew， as a character and in age， as drafts were written and rewritten。 It's evident the amount of time and love that went into writing this book。 "He takes me out in public sometimes but only places where there's little chance we'll be recognized。 The secrecy， once a necessity， now seems a product of shame。" 。。。more

Laura ，

Whoa。

Tracy ，

Such a disturbing book， but I had to know how it turned out。 How are there people in the world like this， and how do they get away with it？ So sickening， but so enlightening。 We have to do safe environment training to work or volunteer at school， and it’s basically how to spot this happening。 It was interesting to hear the victim’s side of the story， hear her mentality of the situation。 But very disturbing overall。

Sasha Nagler ，

I’ve typed and deleted countless times the words I’m trying to write to describe the feelings this novel gave and left in my gut。 It’s repulsive and achingly sickening。 Its “Let me pause and close my eyes to process the profound prose and bone chilling subtext。” My Dark Vanessa is the rawest， darkest， most honest， and psychologically accurate portraying of childhood trauma I have ever read or viscerally felt。 Kate Russell’s writing mends pieces of yourself you thought you had stitched back toget I’ve typed and deleted countless times the words I’m trying to write to describe the feelings this novel gave and left in my gut。 It’s repulsive and achingly sickening。 Its “Let me pause and close my eyes to process the profound prose and bone chilling subtext。” My Dark Vanessa is the rawest， darkest， most honest， and psychologically accurate portraying of childhood trauma I have ever read or viscerally felt。 Kate Russell’s writing mends pieces of yourself you thought you had stitched back together neatly。 It re-opens wounds， infuses them with validation， mourning， and the feeling of staring into the darkest crevices of your soul no one has ever dared peer into…in order to re-cauterize them to heal properly。 Thank you for this gift… the one I didn’t know I needed。 。。。more

Melisa ，

One of the best books I’ve read this year and i know it will stay in my mind a long time after I finished it。 It‘s so intense and so dark; I don‘t think it’s for everyone， but I really loved it， even though it scared me a little bit。

Sreemanti Chatterjee ，

Unputdownable。My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is a searing work of art。 I devoured the book in 3 days and honestly， would have done so in one sitting， if I didn't have other mundane tasks demanding my attention。 While it isn't an easy read， it's definitely a book I would recommend with trigger warnings of child abuse and rape。The novel explores the convoluted dynamics between Vanessa Wye and her teacher/mentor/lover， Jacob Strane， narrated from the perspective of the prior。 The novel a Unputdownable。My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is a searing work of art。 I devoured the book in 3 days and honestly， would have done so in one sitting， if I didn't have other mundane tasks demanding my attention。 While it isn't an easy read， it's definitely a book I would recommend with trigger warnings of child abuse and rape。The novel explores the convoluted dynamics between Vanessa Wye and her teacher/mentor/lover， Jacob Strane， narrated from the perspective of the prior。 The novel alternates between the past， 2000-2007， and present， 2017 when Strane has been accused of sexual harrasment by another student Taylor Birch。 In the wake of a female-empowering movement and numerous girls coming forward with their similar experiences with Strane over the years， Vanessa forces herself to have a deep hard look at what it was that defined her teenage years up until she was twenty-two : love or abuse？As Vanessa struggled to comprehend the tangled web of emotions she felt for and shared with Strane， I found myself struggling too。 It gave Vanessa a kind of relief to believe Strane loved her， worshipped her and although she was a precocious yet naïve fifteen year old girl and he， a manipulative yet magnetic forty-two year old man， when they first got together， it gave her peace to believe she wanted it。 It was all with her consent。 He wasn't a monster。The novel made me contemplate every page， every line， every word。 At what point does the line between consent and dissent blur to let voluntary engagement be called rape？ Does a fifteen year old even understand the meaning of consent？ Why did Vanessa crave such intense adoration that she drove herself into the arms of a pedophile？ Why did Vanessa not put a stop to everything when she came of age？Should we even be pointing a finger at Vanessa when most definitely Strane was the culprit？There is a plethora of questions left unanswered for me， but of one thing I'm sure， without a shadow of doubt， Jacob Strane was a sick pedophile and Vanessa Wye had definitely been abused。 。。。more

Isabella ，

3。5 rounded up

Tammi Humphryes ，

This was a difficult one to read but my god does it pack a punch。 You’ll be repulsed by the male abuser， you’ll want to shake some sense into Vanessa and you’ll struggle to get through some of the descriptions of rape but if you’re ready to read something like this， it really is eye opening。

Lisa ，

Meh。 I felt so sorry for Vanessa and her life just never improved。 It was very depressing。

Tammy ，

This was a difficult book to read given the subject matter。 However， it was well written and an important subject matter if you're in the right head space for it。 This was a difficult book to read given the subject matter。 However， it was well written and an important subject matter if you're in the right head space for it。 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=My Dark Vanessa

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=My Dark Vanessa&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,My Dark Vanessa&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0