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Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-08-17 09:53:16
  • Update Date：2025-09-07
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Douglas Stone
  • ISBN：0143127136
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Summary

The coauthors of the New York Times-bestselling Difficult Conversations take on the toughest topic of all: how we see ourselves

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen have spent the past fifteen years working with corporations， nonprofits， governments， and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way。 In Thanks for the Feedback， they explain why receiving feedback is so crucial yet so challenging， offering a simple framework and powerful tools to help us take on life's blizzard of offhand comments， annual evaluations， and unsolicited input with curiosity and grace。 They blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical， hard-headed advice。 Thanks for the Feedback is destined to become a classic in the fields of leadership， organizational behavior， and education。

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Reviews

Anne ，

“In every situation in life， there’s the situation itself， and then there’s how you handle it。 Even when you get an F for the situation itself， you can still earn an A plus for how you deal with it。”I enjoyed reading this for a month！ 🌟 With so many articles and books exploring how to GIVE feedback， I love how this book unpicks RECEIVING feedback。 We all fall prey to this but being aware can make for more meaningful， open coaching conversations。 Always development， never judgemental！ I find it r “In every situation in life， there’s the situation itself， and then there’s how you handle it。 Even when you get an F for the situation itself， you can still earn an A plus for how you deal with it。”I enjoyed reading this for a month！ 🌟 With so many articles and books exploring how to GIVE feedback， I love how this book unpicks RECEIVING feedback。 We all fall prey to this but being aware can make for more meaningful， open coaching conversations。 Always development， never judgemental！ I find it really captivating that the book was able to briefly discuss neurology and psychology as two of the approaches through which we can address the blocks to feedback— thoughts can cause emotions， emotions can cause thoughts， and feedback from someone in a position who has authority can trigger the fight-or-flight response （yes more Science！）。 Definitely helped me to dig deep and understand into my own responses to feedback as we have unconscious stuff we have to work through in order to process any feedback。With an open mind it would be a good tool for self-improvement to anyone who works on a team or who gives or receives feedback as well 😊 。。。more

Alison ，

DNF at 100 pages。 Maybe it would be good for someone else， but I personally didn't find any advice here that was new or that wasn't common sense in my eyes。 DNF at 100 pages。 Maybe it would be good for someone else， but I personally didn't find any advice here that was new or that wasn't common sense in my eyes。 。。。more

kel ，

The book has some good pointers， but I found it too repetitive and I didn't like the way the chapters were structured。 DNF'ed at 36% The book has some good pointers， but I found it too repetitive and I didn't like the way the chapters were structured。 DNF'ed at 36% 。。。more

Garrett Zecker ，

This was an unexpectedly enjoyable read for me， and I have to be honest that in order to start getting something out of it you sort of need to move past the first three or four chapters。 I read this for work， and presumably， the idea was that we would do a group book study to examine how we receive feedback from our supervisors and pass feedback onto our students。 What I felt like I was getting when I first started reading was a manual on how to be a submissive and relatively docile member of a This was an unexpectedly enjoyable read for me， and I have to be honest that in order to start getting something out of it you sort of need to move past the first three or four chapters。 I read this for work， and presumably， the idea was that we would do a group book study to examine how we receive feedback from our supervisors and pass feedback onto our students。 What I felt like I was getting when I first started reading was a manual on how to be a submissive and relatively docile member of a team that accepts whatever feedback your supervisor is giving you because they were clearly right all along and if there is an issue， well， that is likely your fault so here are some pointers。 At about chapter five， however， the book begins to examine how this works in interpersonal relationships and the manner in which we can severely go off track with intentions and the ways in which we react to things （and where we get those intentions and reactions – as well as how to see these in other people who， based on studies， can vary at a rate of almost 3，000% from person to person）。 The book became a gorgeous examination of the self and how we approach certain circumstances， what our reactions are and how they are impacted by things from our past （among other things）， and ways to find solutions through mindfulness strategies， growth mindset strategies， retraining our brain to focus on what does matter rather than all the ways it tricks us into going down bad mental paths， and how to make sure we are consciously giving ourself a break and a pat on the back for what is working and how to move forward on what the feedback is truly meant to be about rather than succumbing to the various triggers they may manifest in the self。 I started this book wanting to read it but getting quite the sour taste in my mouth the first few chapters， but once I got past those， I found a sincerely captivating book that allowed me to look deeply at conflict and feedback within my personal and professional relationships， and finally start to focus on the data of the message and know I am going to make a lot of mistakes in my life。 Growth and mindfulness are key， and this turned out to be a really positive read。 Every chapter comes with a short recap / study guide outline thing at the end， and I recommend this for anyone that has a job that requires them to give or receive feedback or diminish conflict in their personal relationships。 。。。more

Jerry ，

Surprisingly insightful。 I like that you can pick it up and start reading anywhere and learn something。 Will use at work and at home！

Jen ，

More like a 3。5。 My biggest annoyance with "self-help" books is that they fall into the trap of being too drawn out and giving too many examples。 I think this book falls into that trap as well。 That being said， there were several interesting points that made me think about my natural reaction and defensiveness when receiving feedback。 Overall， it gave me a greater awareness。 More like a 3。5。 My biggest annoyance with "self-help" books is that they fall into the trap of being too drawn out and giving too many examples。 I think this book falls into that trap as well。 That being said， there were several interesting points that made me think about my natural reaction and defensiveness when receiving feedback。 Overall， it gave me a greater awareness。 。。。more

Annie ，

This book is filled with useful advice on receiving feedback。 It's a book that you can read again and have new insights after practicing the advice。 A key lesson is to refrain from reacting negatively to feedback "he's wrong about me" or "I didn't ask for her opinion。" Consider whether there's any information that can be gleaned from the feedback （"my curt comments can be seen as rude responses"） and how others may receive the message （"they didn't think that was a joke"）。 Misunderstandings can This book is filled with useful advice on receiving feedback。 It's a book that you can read again and have new insights after practicing the advice。 A key lesson is to refrain from reacting negatively to feedback "he's wrong about me" or "I didn't ask for her opinion。" Consider whether there's any information that can be gleaned from the feedback （"my curt comments can be seen as rude responses"） and how others may receive the message （"they didn't think that was a joke"）。 Misunderstandings can easily occur in high-stake situations like a performance review。 You received a rating of 4 out of 5 and feel upset "I worked much harder this year and still got only 4。 Hard work isn't recognized。" The manager thinks differently "No one gets a 5。 You got a 4 twice now。 You're doing a great job。" Of course， none of this is said because each person thinks it's obvious; it doesn't need to be said。 To get the most out of feedback， ask questions to understand what it exactly means。 。。。more

Rebecca ，

More course prep reading- helpful ideas for career seminar and experiential learning students

Allie ，

I wish I had read this sooner; it addresses both professional and personal feedback - both in how to give it and how to receive it。

Jason Chandrapal ，

All my fellow humans should read this book to become better people。 We often wonder how to get better at things but the answers have always been there in front of us。 We just have to ask or perceive it。 Book could have been a bit shorter。 There was a lot of repetition which can reinforce the lesson but can also unnecessarily prolong the book。 Will keep to reference in the future。

Erich ，

Fantastic book。 I will be listening to it again。 So much to say about this and so little space。 I would recommend this to everyone。 Helps you think both about how you receive feedback and what to do with it， as well as how you provide feedback。 Definitely helps to rethink how to go about training new and more experienced employees。

Whitney ，

This was a grad school recommendation I finally got around to reading。 It has been on my list for so long and I had misremembered the premise and thought it was about how to give feedback， not receive it。 Turns out it was just as useful and I think learning to receive feedback better will also ultimately help me give better feedback。 I'm very good a receiving feedback in certain circumstances， like from a supervisor about my job。 Because of that， I tend to think I'm good at receiving feedback al This was a grad school recommendation I finally got around to reading。 It has been on my list for so long and I had misremembered the premise and thought it was about how to give feedback， not receive it。 Turns out it was just as useful and I think learning to receive feedback better will also ultimately help me give better feedback。 I'm very good a receiving feedback in certain circumstances， like from a supervisor about my job。 Because of that， I tend to think I'm good at receiving feedback all the time but I'm actually really bad at receiving feedback from my wife or from students and faculty。 I get defensive and brush it off because it makes me feel like I'm not perfect。 The book was helpful because it made me recognize patterns and triggers that I can be more aware of now when I'm getting feedback。 。。。more

Pedro Barroca ，

Pra nos desenvolver precisamos de feedbacks。 Temos visões limitadas sobre como estamos indo no trabalho， ou em qualquer outra coisa que fazemos， e receber feedbacks de outra pessoa é muito importante pro nosso desenvolvimento。 Mas receber feedbacks não é fácil。 Nossa primeira reação é ficar na defensiva。 Nos sentimos atacados， ou injustiçados de alguma forma。 Ao mesmo tempo que queremos melhorar também queremos ser aceitos e respeitados como somos。Ouvir o que uma pessoa tem a dizer sobre você nã Pra nos desenvolver precisamos de feedbacks。 Temos visões limitadas sobre como estamos indo no trabalho， ou em qualquer outra coisa que fazemos， e receber feedbacks de outra pessoa é muito importante pro nosso desenvolvimento。 Mas receber feedbacks não é fácil。 Nossa primeira reação é ficar na defensiva。 Nos sentimos atacados， ou injustiçados de alguma forma。 Ao mesmo tempo que queremos melhorar também queremos ser aceitos e respeitados como somos。Ouvir o que uma pessoa tem a dizer sobre você não é uma característica inata， mas algo que pode ser aprendido e cultivado。 Esse livro desenvolve os benefícios de receber bem um feedback e ajuda a entender nossas defesas e a desarma-las quando preciso para ouvirmos melhor。 Isso não significa que os autores querem que você concorde com tudo que dizem pra você， mas que você mantenha sua mente aberta a ouvir e use em benefício próprio。O livro é dividido em 5 partes。 Na primeira os autores apresentam todo o conteúdo do livro de forma resumida。 Na segunda falam sobre o gatilho da verdade， a resistência que nos temos a feedbacks que não consideramos reais。 Na segunda parte falam sobre o gatilho do relacionamento， que é a resistência que temos a feedbacks dados por pessoas que não tem credibilidade conosco。 Na Quarta falam do gatilho da identidade， que é a resistência que temos a feedbacks que abalam de alguma forma a maneira como nos vemos。 A ultima parte fala mais sobre o uso desse conceito em organizações， onde existem programas de avaliação de funcionários。Em um momento os autores fazem uma associação entre feedback e um rotulo de produto que eu achei fantástica -Muitas vezes quem nos dá feedback está só mostrando o rótulo de um produto que vai nos ajudar。 Eles julgam que uma informação resumida é suficiente pra entender o que ele quer dizer， e por outro lado a gente acha que entendeu também e recusa。 Mas cabe a gente， perguntar mais sobre o produto， investigar as informações nutricionais e até experimentar pra ver se a gente gosta， antes de negar。Não é um livro fácil de entender em apenas uma lida。 Os capítulos fazem a gente refletir bastante sobre o nosso comportamento， então acho bom dar uma parada de vez em quando para refletir sobre a gente mesmo。 O autor usa casos para ilustrar ilustrar situações onde o conteúdo do livro é necessário e isso ajuda muito na compreensão。 Um resumo no final de cada capítulo ajuda a entender as ideias mais centrais。No geral achei o livro muito bom。 Enquanto o lia refleti muito sobre meu comportamento em todas as instâncias e percebi que meu comportamento com as pessoas ao meu redor mudou bastante。 Recomendo a todo mundo que esteja vivendo muitos conflitos ultimamente。 Com certeza vai te ajudar。 。。。more

Diana Arm ，

Kartais prašome kitų grįžtamojo ryšio， taip vadinamo feedback’o， o dažnai jį gauname neprašydami， bet ar žinome ką su gauta informacija daryti vienu ar kitu atveju？ Pasirodo tai tikras menas， valdyti informaciją kurią gauname iš kitų apie save， nes norime ir mokytis ir būti mylimi tokie， kokie esame。Kaip be būtų būkime augančios asmenybės， priimkime informaciją ir teisingai ją panaudokime， o ši knyga puiki priemone pradėti to mokytis。

Loraine ，

This is one of the most useful books I've read in a long time， and I read a lot of these kinds of books！I love that this approaches feedback not as a one-way street， but as a relationship。 It's an evolving process of communication that has so many elements but each one is unpacked here and analyzed so well。 80% of my job operates on a feedback system， but I highly recommend this book to anyone who has relationships。 Feedback exists in all sorts of ways we don't notice， and a lot of misunderstand This is one of the most useful books I've read in a long time， and I read a lot of these kinds of books！I love that this approaches feedback not as a one-way street， but as a relationship。 It's an evolving process of communication that has so many elements but each one is unpacked here and analyzed so well。 80% of my job operates on a feedback system， but I highly recommend this book to anyone who has relationships。 Feedback exists in all sorts of ways we don't notice， and a lot of misunderstanding is rooted in mistaking comments for critical feedback when it might not have been intended that way。 All your frustrations with your mom or your spouse can be navigated into less annoying territory with the insights from this book！ 。。。more

Collin Likover ，

Would have given it 3。5 stars but didn’t want to necessarily prevent people from reading it。 Takes too long to get the points across I will say and was twice as long as it needed to be。 Still very informative

Lena Norlund ，

This is The Book evdryone should read。 If they do The world be less complicated。 Will try what I learnt on my dear husband since 41 yeats， its never to late ro learn something New。

Chrisanne ，

Good points， some of them new to me and some of them not。 I particularly liked the section on boundaries。 And the info on brain responses （which legitimized their claim）。A section on how to give feedback would have been helpful， as well as stats， studies， and more psychological sections。 It's a bit old， but an updated version with a section addressing the Brene Brown/shame psychology would create interesting discussions。 Good points， some of them new to me and some of them not。 I particularly liked the section on boundaries。 And the info on brain responses （which legitimized their claim）。A section on how to give feedback would have been helpful， as well as stats， studies， and more psychological sections。 It's a bit old， but an updated version with a section addressing the Brene Brown/shame psychology would create interesting discussions。 。。。more

Irene Pérez-chirinos ，

Overall is a very useful book， it’s nice to see some of my daily struggles explained and some tips to avoid them。 However I have the feeling that it would still be as useful with half the examples listed， having that much made the reading a bit slow。 Apart from that， I really liked the humor in the book。

Riah ，

Dry， but excellent points and summaries with good examples。 Heavy on the expectation of growth-mindset。

Enid Williamson ，

Good read

Dylan Bean ，

Want to go into middle management？ This is the book for you。

Greg ，

Thanks for the Feedback is a thoughtful approach to why and how to receive feedback， and what to do with it once received。 It is evidence-based， very practical and with a strong theoretical foundation。 I assigned it as one of the readings for my Interpersonal Leadership Skills class this past semester， and heard from multiple students how helpful it was to them。 Seeking and receiving feedback gracefully and gratefully， may be one of the most difficult （and rare） things to do， whether in one's pr Thanks for the Feedback is a thoughtful approach to why and how to receive feedback， and what to do with it once received。 It is evidence-based， very practical and with a strong theoretical foundation。 I assigned it as one of the readings for my Interpersonal Leadership Skills class this past semester， and heard from multiple students how helpful it was to them。 Seeking and receiving feedback gracefully and gratefully， may be one of the most difficult （and rare） things to do， whether in one's professional life or personal life。 Stone and Heen go a long way to helping their readers with this challenging yet crucial part of life。 Highly recommended for students， professionals， and anyone else who struggles with feedback。 。。。more

Christy Joy ，

This book starts from the intriguing premise that much more skill is needed in how to receive feedback than how to give it。 In a similar style to "Difficult Conversations"， the two authors break down all the places where feedback conversations tend to go off the lines and provide concrete advice for how to navigate these conversations more skillfully and learn more effectively from the formal and informal advice we receive all the time。I found it an interesting read， a bit dry in places， but I a This book starts from the intriguing premise that much more skill is needed in how to receive feedback than how to give it。 In a similar style to "Difficult Conversations"， the two authors break down all the places where feedback conversations tend to go off the lines and provide concrete advice for how to navigate these conversations more skillfully and learn more effectively from the formal and informal advice we receive all the time。I found it an interesting read， a bit dry in places， but I appreciate the way they alway circle back to practical application。 There are definitely a few gems I'll be taking away from this: perhaps most importantly that most feedback can be sorted into three boxes: appreciation， coaching and evaluation， and that being clear on what you're hoping to receive and what the other is offering can help bring clarity to feedback conversations。 。。。more

Mark ，

This was a difficult book for me to process， perhaps because I listened to the audiobook while driving。 While it was filled with examples， not many of them hit home for me。 Perhaps a second reading at some point in the future will help me to more practically apply the content。

Caitlin ，

The audio version was good enough that I decided to buy the paperback to have a reference point after the fact。 Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well， understandably focuses on being the recipient of feedback and realizing some of the heuristics or pitfalls that we may fall victim to， which can hinder our growth as individuals both in our personal lives as well as in professional settings。 The authors do a good job of explaining key terms and the summaries at th The audio version was good enough that I decided to buy the paperback to have a reference point after the fact。 Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well， understandably focuses on being the recipient of feedback and realizing some of the heuristics or pitfalls that we may fall victim to， which can hinder our growth as individuals both in our personal lives as well as in professional settings。 The authors do a good job of explaining key terms and the summaries at the end of each chapter are great recaps and quick reference points。 If you consider listening to the audio version I will caution you that the delivery is a bit dry on the whole， but if you can keep your attention focused， the lessons are worthwhile。 Otherwise， I would recommend the print version。 I’ve already recommended this to a few colleagues at work and hope to incorporate it into my own processes for receiving feedback as well as helping others to be effective listeners， consider biases they may have when receiving feedback， and identify relevant areas for improvement。 。。。more

Sarah ，

Amazing book， I'm reading this one again at least 2x to get it into my brain。 Great for communication skills in general。 <3 Amazing book， I'm reading this one again at least 2x to get it into my brain。 Great for communication skills in general。 <3 。。。more

Ricardo Armas ，

Such an amazing and helpful book

Han Lin ，

Useful， but perhaps overly long。Notes- 3 kinds of feedback: appreciation， coaching， evaluation- when giving feedback， state observations and data （your work is x） instead of interpretation/judgment （e。g。 you're lazy）- give up wrong spotting， seek to understand- don't assume intention， state the impact instead when giving feedback- blind spot alert = when you wonder what the other person's agenda is or what's wrong with them- when asking for feedback， ask "what do you see me doing， or failing to Useful， but perhaps overly long。Notes- 3 kinds of feedback: appreciation， coaching， evaluation- when giving feedback， state observations and data （your work is x） instead of interpretation/judgment （e。g。 you're lazy）- give up wrong spotting， seek to understand- don't assume intention， state the impact instead when giving feedback- blind spot alert = when you wonder what the other person's agenda is or what's wrong with them- when asking for feedback， ask "what do you see me doing， or failing to do， that is getting in my own way？" 。 This specifically asks for coaching and is narrower and easier to answer。 - when receiving negative feedback， instead of finding contradictory feedback， look for consistent feedback- look for patterns， "where have I heard this negative feedback before？ "- honest mirrors vs supportive mirrors- focus on change the from the inside out （authenticity）- we discount our own emotions while others count it double- switch track conversation: topic is switched and there are two separate tracks。 This defeats feedback。- where， when， and how feedback is given matters， but who （credibility） matters most- treat trust and content of feedback as separate topics- we tend to like people that like us， and that are like us- you can often grow from feedback most from people that give you trouble- honest mirrors are often those whom we have the hardest time working with。 We can grow most from their feedback。 - three key relationship interests: appreciation， autonomy， acceptance- autonomy: boundaries are often invisible to us and others until crossed- negotiations about boundaries of ownership and autonomy are more productive than debate over details- acceptance: we find it hard to receive advice from those that don't accept us as a person- switch tracking solution- spot the two separate tracks and signposting: clearly label and separate the two tracks- "I see two related but separate topics to discuss。 Let's discuss then separately"you should discuss the first topic first， unless your emotional trigger reaction is so strong that you can't hear the first topic。- autonomy and acceptance triggers- "what are you worried about？" to suss out people's tracks- role confusion and clarity is important， e。 g。 two twins in a cop and speeder role relationship may still have tension- the problem can be both the person and the system: e。g。 bank robber and poor security of the bank- take 3 steps back to observe the system: 1。 you + me， 2。 roles and responsibilities， 3。 processes and environment- when rejecting feedback， be firm yet appreciative- boundaries on receiving negative feedback: acknowledge that we have complex feelings e。g。 "I appreciate your feedback AND it hurts my feelings"- triggering the identity trigger will shutdown listening- things to ask when receiving feedback: "what do you see me doing that's getting in my own way？"， "what are you most worried about？" - people want to understand the process and to know that you care- be a conversation referee to defuse heated conversations， identify where you are in the conversation- distinguish between the feedback giver's position （their best idea about how to solve the problem） and their underlying interests。 You may be able to come up with a solution that satisfies the underlying interest but was different than their original position- "what is one thing I could change that can make a big difference to you？" 。。。more

Shane ，

It refreshingly used believable， everyday situations to underscore the importance of the offered advice。 This is more effective than resorting to frameworks supported by contrived examples。

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0