Rapport: Read People. Lead Conversations. Revolutionise Your Relationships.
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-08-07 00:52:11
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Emily Alison
- ISBN：1785042068
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Summary
Get what you want from even the most difficult characters
All of us have to deal with difficult people。 Whether we’re asking our neighbour to move a fence or our boss for a pay rise， we can struggle to avoid arguments and get what we want。
Laurence and Emily Alison are world leaders in forensic psychology， and they specialise in the most difficult interactions imaginable: criminal interrogations。 They advise and train the police， security agencies， the FBI and the CIA on how to deal with extremely dangerous suspects when the stakes are high。
After 30 years’ work – and unprecedented access to 2，000 hours of terrorist interrogations – they have developed a ground-breaking model of interpersonal communication。 This deceptively simple approach to handling any encounter works as well for teenagers as it does for terrorists。 Now it’s time to share it with the world。
Rapport reveals that every interaction follows four styles: Control （the lion）， Capitulate （the mouse）， Confront （the Tyrannosaur） and Co-operate （the monkey）。 As soon as you understand these styles and your own goals you can shape any conversation at will。 And you’ll be closer to the real secret: how to create instant rapport。
All of us have to deal with difficult people。 Whether we’re asking our neighbour to move a fence or our boss for a pay rise， we can struggle to avoid arguments and get what we want。
Laurence and Emily Alison are world leaders in forensic psychology， and they specialise in the most difficult interactions imaginable: criminal interrogations。 They advise and train the police， security agencies， the FBI and the CIA on how to deal with extremely dangerous suspects when the stakes are high。
After 30 years’ work – and unprecedented access to 2，000 hours of terrorist interrogations – they have developed a ground-breaking model of interpersonal communication。 This deceptively simple approach to handling any encounter works as well for teenagers as it does for terrorists。 Now it’s time to share it with the world。
Rapport reveals that every interaction follows four styles: Control （the lion）， Capitulate （the mouse）， Confront （the Tyrannosaur） and Co-operate （the monkey）。 As soon as you understand these styles and your own goals you can shape any conversation at will。 And you’ll be closer to the real secret: how to create instant rapport。
Reviews
Fran Cormack
，
Whilst a good read， there was too much that did not resonate with me。 The "animal" archetypes did not work for me， as models。 I could not connect with them。Also， there was way too many examples， and details， of parenting。 As a non parent I could not relate to large sections of the book。 Whilst a good read， there was too much that did not resonate with me。 The "animal" archetypes did not work for me， as models。 I could not connect with them。Also， there was way too many examples， and details， of parenting。 As a non parent I could not relate to large sections of the book。 。。。more
Alexander Venetidis
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A must-read for anyone interested in psychology books， as it provides a well-rounded view of interpersonal skills needed in all sorts of situations - from negotiations situations to making new friends （which could be argued to be yet another type of negotiation）Alison not only provides a detailed framework for identifying characteristics of rapport-building and compartmentalizing them appropriately， but also presents them in an easily digestible and memorable way through the use of mnemonics and A must-read for anyone interested in psychology books， as it provides a well-rounded view of interpersonal skills needed in all sorts of situations - from negotiations situations to making new friends （which could be argued to be yet another type of negotiation）Alison not only provides a detailed framework for identifying characteristics of rapport-building and compartmentalizing them appropriately， but also presents them in an easily digestible and memorable way through the use of mnemonics and visual imagery。 Compared to other psychology and interpersonal self-help books， this makes a tremendous difference in how easy it is to remember the concepts and apply them to daily life。I genuinely appreciate the blending of personal experiences and real-life scenarios and studies with the easy-to-use classification of behavior （T-rex， Lion， Mouse， Monkey）。 Of course the reader is welcomed to use other names for these if they feel it detracts from their purpose， but I found it to be an excellent way to assimilate this framework。 The tools to build rapport are clearly outlined and explained in specific contexts。In all， a superb outline of the building blocks of creating rapport with others。 。。。more
Erika
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Emily and Laurence Alison provide an easy to follow framework on how to interact with others when dealing with difficult or awkward situations as well as ways to further strengthen the relationships you have already。 I enjoyed the dialogues as they further illustrated the four styles of communication。 Lots of ideas to consider in this book。
Claire
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A clear and to-the-point educational tool to improve your communication skills， as well as to help you engage in deeper and more meaningful conversations。
Jemma
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Another book with some good advice and some genuinely interesting examples。 I'm not sure it's quite as comprehensive and doable by anyone， as the authors claim。Broadly it concurs with other books on better communication， while going into more useful detail。 Notably though the importance to honesty at all times contradicts the book about handling dementia sufferers which I recently read。 So not necessarily as easy to put into practice as suggested。 Another book with some good advice and some genuinely interesting examples。 I'm not sure it's quite as comprehensive and doable by anyone， as the authors claim。Broadly it concurs with other books on better communication， while going into more useful detail。 Notably though the importance to honesty at all times contradicts the book about handling dementia sufferers which I recently read。 So not necessarily as easy to put into practice as suggested。 。。。more
Andre Vasconcelos
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Very insightful read to understand how our emotions affect the way we communicate， and more importantly how we perceive other peoples interpretation of what we believe we have said
Anschen Conradie
，
#Rapport - Emily & Laurence Alison#Vermilion#penguinrandomhouseRapport: ‘A harmonious relationship， characterized by agreement， mutual understanding and empathy’。 In simple terms: there is rapport when two people ‘get’ each other。The authors are husband and wife; both experienced professionals。 Emily has been designing and delivering treatment for relationships that have broken down to violence and abuse for more than 20 years。 Laurence has been the key psychological debriefer for more than 400 #Rapport - Emily & Laurence Alison#Vermilion#penguinrandomhouseRapport: ‘A harmonious relationship， characterized by agreement， mutual understanding and empathy’。 In simple terms: there is rapport when two people ‘get’ each other。The authors are husband and wife; both experienced professionals。 Emily has been designing and delivering treatment for relationships that have broken down to violence and abuse for more than 20 years。 Laurence has been the key psychological debriefer for more than 400 critical incidents， including the London 7/7 bombings; the Buncefield fire and the Boxing Day tsunami。 Together they have trained top UK and US law enforcement， defence and security service personel。Although very few （if any） of us are likely to become involved in political or criminal interrogation; critical debriefing or hostage negotiations， we are all （even the hermits among us） social animals; involved in personal and professional relationships where communication is key。 In that sense rapport is relevant to everyone: to achieve agreement rather than reluctant compliance。 To reach that goal， the authors have applied their knowledge and experience to everyday relationships: couples; parent and child; co-workers; employer - employee， etc。 Also included is the relationship between an adult child and an elderly parent; especially when the latter requires increasing assistance。 The book is divided into two sections: the first deals with rapport: the 4 requirements （honesty， empathy， autonomy and reflection） are explained in detail: why they are essential and how to exercise each。 Certain thoughts I found particularly interesting， for example: the concept of ‘reactance’ （think of the smoker increasing his daily quota when nagged to quit）; the tactic of persuasion reciprocity and the subsequent dilemma of proportionality and the influence of technology on communication。 The second part of the book explores and explains the 4 fundamental styles of communication， using totemic animals （T-Rex， mouse， lion and monkey） and highlights the interaction between them。 A DIY test to determine the reader’s own style and the strengths and weaknesses thereof， is also included。Points of criticism: the subtitle （the four ways to read people） is misleading; as explained above， that is not what the book is about。 Repetition of information should also have been edited; quite often a mere cross reference or footnote would have sufficed。 It is， nevertheless， an interesting read and is recommended for anyone interested in the finer skills of communication。4 stars from #Uitdieperdsebek 。。。more
Katie John
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I had looked forward so much to reading this book - but I found there was less to it than I expected。 The circle of four "animal" types - two pairs of opposites - is interesting in that it highlights the "vertical" issue of status and the "horizontal" aspect of affiliation in all relationships。 I have to say the use seemed a bit simplistic to me - but the fact that even young children can understand the four types is very encouraging。The accounts of the authors' dealings with terrorists and othe I had looked forward so much to reading this book - but I found there was less to it than I expected。 The circle of four "animal" types - two pairs of opposites - is interesting in that it highlights the "vertical" issue of status and the "horizontal" aspect of affiliation in all relationships。 I have to say the use seemed a bit simplistic to me - but the fact that even young children can understand the four types is very encouraging。The accounts of the authors' dealings with terrorists and other dangerous people are fascinating - I would have liked to learn more about this challenging but essential work， and to see more about how the Alisons got into the mindset of people like that。Some of the points that the Alisons make are very salient - such as "once fear is introduced into a relationship， you cannot ever fully remove it"。 However， others were baffling - who really needs to be told "Do not ever be a bully"？ And would "bullies" even be reading a book about rapport in the first place？The authors are astute in noting that loneliness can affect anyone， even people with families and busy lives， and they are correct in saying that "Intimacy can be a difficult thing to establish or maintain 。。。 because it requires devoting time， effort and energy to understanding others"。 But the issue of introversion is， I feel， waved away in rather a facile fashion， with a false dichotomy set up between having relationships of any sort and total sensory deprivation。 In a lot of cases， being alone is definitely better than being in the wrong relationship。More worrying to me is an account by Emily， to do with a man who had been given a non-custodial sentence for assaulting his partner。 There was a problem to do with the man's housing。 Emily tried to arrange "adequate local housing" for him， only to be told by one of the other people at the meetings that she was "clearly putting the father's needs above the children"。 Emily is critical of this other person - but I have to say I agreed with the person。 Emily's response to this incident chilled me。 I imagined how I might feel if I were the man's partner， knowing he was being housed nearby instead of 2 hours away。 Yes， the Alisons may be experts at dealing with terrorists and other violent people - but they seem to have less understanding of the victims。 From the point of view of someone like that man's wife， the Alisons and the perpetrator are on the same side。 That idea concerned me because there are still far too many people （especially women） trapped in abusive and dangerous relationships， even at risk of being killed by their partners。 That is a far more serious problem than misjudging people who have been violent。I would say this book is a useful and entertaining guide for what I would call "normal" family or workplace relationships。 But if you are in a relationship where you are being abused or frightened， you might need to consult writers who have more "rapport" with you。 。。。more
Eliza
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Read as audiobook
Katie
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Too much repetition and emphasis on the four "types"。 Too much repetition and emphasis on the four "types"。 。。。more
Connor
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The aim of this book， from my understanding， is to motivate people to rid themselves of bad communication habits and develop the humility in which to accept that we all have a lot to learn when it comes to improving our interpersonal skills。 I can tell you that it's aim has been achieved。 This book has inspired me a great deal and I have strong reasons to believe that it will also inspire you。 Emily and Laurence seem to be heavily involved in the translation of academic literature and studies in The aim of this book， from my understanding， is to motivate people to rid themselves of bad communication habits and develop the humility in which to accept that we all have a lot to learn when it comes to improving our interpersonal skills。 I can tell you that it's aim has been achieved。 This book has inspired me a great deal and I have strong reasons to believe that it will also inspire you。 Emily and Laurence seem to be heavily involved in the translation of academic literature and studies into real world applicable lessons。 They succeed with excellence at this translation。 From their own anecdotal experiences and terrorist interviews， all the way to undisputed data and solid practical communication methods， this book has everything you need to begin becoming a better communicator （alongside a by product of becoming a better person）。A few key takeaways without spoiling the main messages:- Rapport first begins with self awareness。- There is more power in listening than in speaking。- Value the autonomy of others and relinquish your desire to control。- If these techniques work for interrogating terrorists without violence， they will ultimately lead you to better relationships with your loved ones， colleagues， kids， friends and acquaintances。 - The key part is to PRACTICE。 - Failing is a GREAT way to learn。- If you don't try， you stagnate。 There are two totemic animal circles we all slide into， here is a small taste of them:Be warm， think of something that makes you happy， be a cooperative Monkey （if the situation requires it） and reflect。 Or， if you need to make yourself clear， be a good T-Rex and let honesty prevail in a forthright manner。 Though， if you need to take the backseat， be a good patient Mouse and seek guidance。 However， the situation may need a leader。 The good Lion can set the agenda and without judgement， support others while taking responsibility。 There is also a BAD side to everyone of these animals！ Finding out which I was and who those I communicate with are， leaves me in a position of choice: do I fight on the bad circle and breed more negativity into my relationships unconciously or do I elevate to the good circle and let kindness inspire kindness？ This book is fantastic。 I publicly declare that I will attempt to develop myself from this book。 It will remain on my shelf as somewhere I refer to often。 。。。more
Andrea Carlevato
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I thoroughly enjoyed this short book。 Fairly free of padding and too frequent repetitions， it functions very well as practical， easy to read refresher on what *not* to do before anything else， when seeking to create rapport at home， with friends and in the office。 Fitting examples help to ground the ideas。
A Crawley
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