Psychology

The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

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  • Create Date：2021-07-24 08:55:01
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
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  • Author：David M. Buss
  • ISBN：0465097766
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Summary

The groundbreaking， provocative book that uses evolutionary psychology to explain human mating and the mysteries of love。


If we all want love， why is there so much conflict in our most cherished relationships？ To answer this question we must look into our evolutionary past， argues prominent psychologist David M。 Buss。 Based one of the largest studies of human mating ever undertaken， encompassing more than 10，000 people of all ages from thirty-seven cultures worldwide， The Evolution of Desire is the first work to present a unified theory of human mating behavior。 Drawing on a wide range of examples of mating behavior -- from lovebugs to elephant seals， from the Yanomamö tribe of Venezuela to online dating apps -- Buss reveals what women want， what men want， and why their desires radically differ。 Love has a central place in human sexual psychology， but conflict， competition， and manipulation also pervade human mating -- something we must confront in order to control our own mating destiny。

Updated to reflect the very latest scientific research on human mating， this definitive edition of this classic work of evolutionary psychology explains the powerful forces that shape our most intimate desires。

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Reviews

Fifi ，

Someone recommended this book saying it’s eye opening。 Well， it did but in a way which I saw a poorly conducted research to back up what the author thinks should happen。 The arrogance and ignorance of the views in this book opened my eyes。 Maybe we should treat this book as an example of how the world overcome these kind of authors and become a better place。

Daria ，

Утонула в воде автора， потом всплыла и вступила в лесбийский сепаратизм。

Denish ，

Very informative book about how desires of each genders are formed over the history and how each mechanism works in present situation。

Andy One ，

What I learnedI just exited the Cinderella matrix。 Now I'm ready to go out into the world and slay dragons on my quest for reproductive success。 What I learnedI just exited the Cinderella matrix。 Now I'm ready to go out into the world and slay dragons on my quest for reproductive success。 。。。more

Yoshimi Dilg ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I liked the book， it was very informative and it gives a lot of explanations for why we are the way we are sexually。 At the same time， I loved the conclusion in the last chapter in that we share the common goal of bringing forth next generation and when there is love and commitment， we work together to accomplish it。 Overall good read。

Chris Boutté ，

I’ve been meaning to read this book for well over a year， and with David Buss’ new book Why Men Behave Badly coming out， I decided to finally read it。 I love evolutionary psychology， and after reading this book， I now understand what all the hype is about。 This is an amazing book discussing the evolutionary psychology behind mating。 Buss provides deep insight into how men and women differ when flirting， why we sleep with each other， why we sometimes hook up rather than committing to a relationsh I’ve been meaning to read this book for well over a year， and with David Buss’ new book Why Men Behave Badly coming out， I decided to finally read it。 I love evolutionary psychology， and after reading this book， I now understand what all the hype is about。 This is an amazing book discussing the evolutionary psychology behind mating。 Buss provides deep insight into how men and women differ when flirting， why we sleep with each other， why we sometimes hook up rather than committing to a relationship， and more。 The Evolution of Desire covers just about any question you could have for why men and women act the way they do when it comes to relationships and hookups。 My only critique of this book， which is one I’ve noticed in other books too， it doesn’t explain why so many millennial women are choosing to not have children。 Maybe nobody knows yet， but other than that， this is a solid book。 。。。more

David ，

Buss makes a case for evolutionary explanations to human mating。 The overall idea is that men and women have evolved to have two different strategies to maximize their number of offspring。 The strategies is not conscious， calculated strategies， but is rather developed as different desires and behavior in men and women with regards to mating。 In short， men want to have sex with as many women as possible and in the end settle with a woman while women would prefer to find one man with lot of resour Buss makes a case for evolutionary explanations to human mating。 The overall idea is that men and women have evolved to have two different strategies to maximize their number of offspring。 The strategies is not conscious， calculated strategies， but is rather developed as different desires and behavior in men and women with regards to mating。 In short， men want to have sex with as many women as possible and in the end settle with a woman while women would prefer to find one man with lot of resources to settle down with straight away。 It is of course quite a controversial area of research so I can see how one group hails it as a courageous explaining how the world really is while another group hates it a sees it perpetuating old myths and disregarding counter examples。 The second group can certainly point to some unconvincing parts of the book。 Buss offers no explanation to homosexuality， which you would think would be the one thing evolution would make impossible since homosexual relations doesn't result in children， but simply confesses that it is a big unsolved paradox for evolutionary biology。 Critics would likely also point out that a lot of these studies is quite small and done with American college students （and very often done by Buss himself） which raises the question about how generalizable the results really are。 Some of the hypothesis he gives is also quite unconvincing。 Like when he claims women are moody to test men's commitment to the relationship。 Or that a woman showing signs of submissiveness in bars is a sign to men they can approach without fearing hostility。For some the above mentioned will be enough to dismiss the book。 But for me it isn't。 While some of his claims are a bit out there， I find most of them plausible and the big picture they give shape to quite convincing。 It is not an area of study that lends itself to experimental research， but a lot of the data fits very neatly。 One example is how divorce rates go down in society with a surplus of men， while they go up in a society with a surplus of women。 Or how men gives premium status to the physical attractiveness of women， while women gives much more weight to the general status of a man。 One study found college women would find it much more annoying if a low status man continually asked for dates when he was turned down than if a high status man would do it。Evolutionary psychology is quite a new area of research still。 While， as said， if find the overall picture in the book quite convincing I expect more research and studies will make some of the explanations and data in the book obsolete。 But I expect the general direction this book points to will be confirmed。 And it is quite an enjoyable read （even though it certainly goes into some of the darker sides of human psychology and behavior）。 。。。more

Mipaad ，

The book is actually fantastic。

Alex Kahn ，

Rigorous descriptive account of human sexuality， including conflict， maladaptivity， speculations， and modern implications。

Jonathan ，

THE most important book I have ever read on the evolutionary psychology of mate selection。

Joy ，

I’ve been on a bit of a dating/psychology of relationships binge this year: first heard of this book as an undergrad and to finally read it at a much older age is illuminating。 It is a nice companion to Dr Patricia Allen’s work。 Combines a wide-ranging and systematic review of the literature with nuanced examples。 I mostly benefit from it shedding light on my past relationships and current prospects， feeling much more self-aware and well equipped to tackle that area of my life after this read。

Jair Benavidez ，

Almost 400 pages of strategies humans have been using since we have a record of， those strategies do not differ much from other animals and give a lot of understating of why we behave the way we do。It is such an interesting read， however， the read can be sometimes repetitive， this， probably in the author's willingness to put all the evidence and cite all research done， all studies and all the possible flaws with the theories described。 Although I guess not even all this evidence would make a que Almost 400 pages of strategies humans have been using since we have a record of， those strategies do not differ much from other animals and give a lot of understating of why we behave the way we do。It is such an interesting read， however， the read can be sometimes repetitive， this， probably in the author's willingness to put all the evidence and cite all research done， all studies and all the possible flaws with the theories described。 Although I guess not even all this evidence would make a question the dead dogmas of a deeply religious person or someone buying the blank state theory。David M。 Buss is a researcher， so expect every now and then not to have definite answers but the conclusion of "more research has to be done in this field"， that's great。 。。。more

Doctor Bliss ，

Gran y necesario libro。 Recopila los descubrimientos de la psicología del comportamiento sexual y reproductivo de hombres y mujeres a través de diferentes culturas， contrastando diferencias pero principalmente señalando esas semejanzas que unen a los hombres de Europa con los de las tribus africanas， a las mujeres asiáticas con los las americanas。 El libro muestra que una gran de comportamientos sexuales -a diferencia de lo que se dice de forma simplista- son universales y se deben tratar como p Gran y necesario libro。 Recopila los descubrimientos de la psicología del comportamiento sexual y reproductivo de hombres y mujeres a través de diferentes culturas， contrastando diferencias pero principalmente señalando esas semejanzas que unen a los hombres de Europa con los de las tribus africanas， a las mujeres asiáticas con los las americanas。 El libro muestra que una gran de comportamientos sexuales -a diferencia de lo que se dice de forma simplista- son universales y se deben tratar como parte de la psicología humana， más allá de ser prácticas aprendidas。 Los descubrimientos son muchas veces incómodos， no justifican， pero explican actos tan reprobables como los celos， la violencia de género， infidelidad e incluso crímenes pasionales。 Comprender que estos actos son adaptaciones evolutivas para reproducirse es un paso difícil de dar， pero necesario para realmente comprender los conflictos de género。 El mensaje es， sin embargo， optimista。 Tenemos la capacidad de cambiar estos comportamientos， y llegar a una convivencia pacífica。Por último， el libro refuerza esa necesidad de basar nuestro entendimiento social en datos， no anécdotas， no teorías， no simples señalamientos。 Es un libro que cambia perspectivas。 。。。more

Laura Ilsė ，

3，5。 Taip， knyga pykdo。 Taip， norėtųsi tikėti， jog didžiaja dalimi nėra taip， kaip aprašyta。 Taip， čia aprašomi “poravimosi” metodai ir strategijos dažnai atsispinti anektoduose ir demotyvacijose。 Bet kodėl taip yra？ Paskaičius už atsakymo galima užmesti kabliuką。Autorius skatina pažinti skirtingų lyčių partnerio pritraukimo， išlaikymo ir atsikratymo strategijas ir siekti sąmoningo jų implementavimo bei iššaukiamų reakcijų suvokimo。 Autorius teikia pasiūlymus kaip šių skirtumų suvokimas gali pad 3，5。 Taip， knyga pykdo。 Taip， norėtųsi tikėti， jog didžiaja dalimi nėra taip， kaip aprašyta。 Taip， čia aprašomi “poravimosi” metodai ir strategijos dažnai atsispinti anektoduose ir demotyvacijose。 Bet kodėl taip yra？ Paskaičius už atsakymo galima užmesti kabliuką。Autorius skatina pažinti skirtingų lyčių partnerio pritraukimo， išlaikymo ir atsikratymo strategijas ir siekti sąmoningo jų implementavimo bei iššaukiamų reakcijų suvokimo。 Autorius teikia pasiūlymus kaip šių skirtumų suvokimas gali padėti siekti darnos tarp lyčių tiek siauriuose， tiek plačiuose kontekstuose bei iš tikro atsikratyti patriarchato。 Taipogi， pateikiamos ir patriarchato susiformavimo prielaidos。 Spoiler alert？ Female sexual selection。Ne visos studijos patogios， ne visi tyrimai tikslūs （studentų apklausų duomenų naudojimas akademijoj tikrai plačiai paplitęs）， tad aš siūlyčiau kritiškai vertinti kiekvieną argumentą， sieti jį su turimomis žiniomis bei išsinešti tai， kas tinka jums pagal jūsų įsitikinimus bei vertybes。 O išsinešti visai yra ką。Aš gan atspari provokacijoms ir nepatogiems argumentams， tad išsinešu pozityvių minčių apmąstymams。 Knygos pradžioje tikrai nebūčiau tuo patikėjusi。 。。。more

Anas Saad ，

Amazing！ This books describes how human mating evolved over thousands of years and how mating have shaped human beings' behavior。 Today， these evolutionary effects are still practiced by both men and women， with or without realizing it， despite， in many cases， the absence of the factors that led to their development。 Many people may not agree or like what the book says for many reasons。 Some will not like that things like love or emotions were shaped and affected by evolution。 Others may not agr Amazing！ This books describes how human mating evolved over thousands of years and how mating have shaped human beings' behavior。 Today， these evolutionary effects are still practiced by both men and women， with or without realizing it， despite， in many cases， the absence of the factors that led to their development。 Many people may not agree or like what the book says for many reasons。 Some will not like that things like love or emotions were shaped and affected by evolution。 Others may not agree with the fact that men and women ARE different and behave in different ways based on how each evolved。 The writing isn't great and kind of distracted and not well organized though。 。。。more

Jacob ，

A great read—especially given the current climate—that helps explain why each sex does different things （not just in the pursuit of a mate but in the rest of our lives as well）。 Buss uses a significant amount of data to back up his points—and admits freely when that data is insufficient。 Admittedly， while that data was helpful， it wasn't needed for my purposes， since anecdotally a large number of his conclusions ring true。 I could've done without some of the chapters which merely restated a poin A great read—especially given the current climate—that helps explain why each sex does different things （not just in the pursuit of a mate but in the rest of our lives as well）。 Buss uses a significant amount of data to back up his points—and admits freely when that data is insufficient。 Admittedly， while that data was helpful， it wasn't needed for my purposes， since anecdotally a large number of his conclusions ring true。 I could've done without some of the chapters which merely restated a point made before， or whose sole purpose was to placate the people who find such research offensive， people who likely would've avoided this book anyway。 。。。more

Tadas Talaikis ，

Facts only， they are are different from what people may say :-D

Atharva ，

I enjoy reading evolutionary psychology books，because I admire the way they explain human behaviour in dating markets。This book kept me engaged despite its content being somewhat known to me before。This book is comprehensive without being lengthy， and manages to keep the reader interested throughout its entirety。The author has relied heavily on empirical research， but does not hesitate to make informed guesses where conclusions cannot be readily drawn。Women have higher standards because they bea I enjoy reading evolutionary psychology books，because I admire the way they explain human behaviour in dating markets。This book kept me engaged despite its content being somewhat known to me before。This book is comprehensive without being lengthy， and manages to keep the reader interested throughout its entirety。The author has relied heavily on empirical research， but does not hesitate to make informed guesses where conclusions cannot be readily drawn。Women have higher standards because they bear the majority of parental investment， and men are ambitious because women prefer men who have high-provisioning capacity。The book also rubbishes the claims of certain contemporary movements that men are women are alike-they are not，their evolved sexual psychologies are different， and they generally look for different qualities in their mates。There are similarities here too，but certain crucial differences exist that cannot be wished away。Men will generally prefer younger，physically attractive women， and women will generally prefer richer，higher status men。 。。。more

Ravi Joshi ，

A very basic yet essential guide to Evolutionary psychology。 Gives the why to very relevant courtship techniques that have evolved within Human history and utilises empirical data to substantiate those conclusions。

Suleman ，

Absolutely amazing ！ Will probably be one of the best books I will read in 2021。 The level of honesty and reality in this book is mind blowing 。 It’s all backed by research and not just opinions 。 But on the other hand it’s kind of depressing to realize that this the reality of human mating and relationships。 If u are a person who still believes in love and romance don’t read this book ！ 😂

Ideas Sleep Furiously ，

4。5* This should be mandatory reading for young adults。 To understand the evolutionary reasons behind our behaviour is to give all of our relationships the best chance of success。 If you truly want to understand the bedrock issues of the opposite sex， you need a biological lens。 We build all kinds of artifice atop this bedrock， but the fundamental issues will never change。

Carlos Henrique ，

Key points: study book（not opinion）; science; physcology; human sexual behavior; what women/men want in a relationship， what they dislike， what tatics they use， etc; Women see man either as "alpha genes casual mate， please cum on my pussy （there is even an scientific explanation on why women tend to orgasm more with masculine men rather then with cucks-feminine-traits-men）" or "beta genes cuckolds aka longterm husbands （men who try to persuade women through money and status）Women have pussy （hig Key points: study book（not opinion）; science; physcology; human sexual behavior; what women/men want in a relationship， what they dislike， what tatics they use， etc; Women see man either as "alpha genes casual mate， please cum on my pussy （there is even an scientific explanation on why women tend to orgasm more with masculine men rather then with cucks-feminine-traits-men）" or "beta genes cuckolds aka longterm husbands （men who try to persuade women through money and status）Women have pussy （high value on society） and men have the ability to work and get money and status。 Men can range from being extremely poor to extremely rich （as mentioned， their main ability is to work， so they vary in levels or work） but women in the other hand， have the power of sex （pussy）， pussy is a biological-time-bomb。 Because old women are not atractive （infertile and infiel{if she is open on the sex market}）， women tends to be a early-game-character-archetype， whereas men， on the other hand， doesnt start with such a good ability， therefore they have to work hard to get something in life， therefore there is a big difference in status， power and money between men， therefore in every society， it will allways be a small group of very high status， power and money men and a lot of lower class men。 This small group will always swim in pussy。This leads to an logical deduction:Woman should be careful about her sexuality and femininity （their higher tools）and Man should study， invest money， understand biology and the world as fastest as possible。Its funny that feminist wants the exactly oposite （sexual liberation and being whores）， but thats not my problem。 Everyone will suffer the consequences or their own actions。As a man， you should never listen to a woman。 If you win， shes going to be on your side， and if you loose， shes going to dump you anyway （even if you listened her）Fun fact: from all data of divorces， more then HALF of divorces occur when a couple doesnt have a single kid and LESS THEN 3% occur when a couple have 4 or more children 。。。more

Alberto Jiménez ，

¿Qué es lo que nos hace buscar una pareja？ ¿Qué nos hace decidir una sobre otra？ Hay algunos determinantes que no son nada románticos， que están alejados de la idea del amor romántico， del amor platónico y que， aquí， se ponen sobre la mesa。 A veces los datos son muy secos， muy rudos， pero son los datos。 Lo demás es literatura y cómo lo queramos vestir。

Evan ，

This was a super interesting read about how aspects of human romantic relationships parallel those of other species。 This was a really fascinating and highly relevant read。 Most of the attributes that we find attractive and the ways in which we behave towards the opposite sex come from how our species has evolved over millions of years。

Timothy Ibrahim ，

Based on thousands of surveys of men and women from varied cultures。 Although there are cultural discrepancies in some mating tactics， the overall strategy is consistent across cultures and are thus likely biologically determined。

Ryan Maurer ，

A bit dry as a result of being very thorough and entirely research based， but that’s what I would want for this subject matter。 I found it refreshing to learn the extent to which our instincts about mating strategies are founded in reality。 I imagine that many people might find this book a bit painfully reductive， but the final chapter should rectify that。

Mike Cheng ，

Evolutionary psychology fascinates me， especially sexual selection。 In this vein， the book is a bit more straightforward than Matt Ridley’s The Red Queen and Christopher Ryan’s Sex at Dawn （though both are also quite gud）。 Here， author / evolutionary psychologist David Buss discusses how the differences in physical， and， to an extent psychological， between men and women are responsible for various behaviors and mating strategies， both short and long term。 Some of Dr。 Buss’s （simplified） explanat Evolutionary psychology fascinates me， especially sexual selection。 In this vein， the book is a bit more straightforward than Matt Ridley’s The Red Queen and Christopher Ryan’s Sex at Dawn （though both are also quite gud）。 Here， author / evolutionary psychologist David Buss discusses how the differences in physical， and， to an extent psychological， between men and women are responsible for various behaviors and mating strategies， both short and long term。 Some of Dr。 Buss’s （simplified） explanations: women are choosier for mates than men because of the greater investment they have to make in birthing and rearing offspring; besides flashy cars and an athletic build， being kind （especially to children） and generous are important traits for a man to display because such signals his willingness to commit his abundant resources to his mate and offspring; and how the differences in mating strategies between men and women are demonstrated by their sexual regerts - men more often bemoan sexual omissions （i。e。， missed opportunities） whereas women more often feel compunction for sexual commissions （i。e。， hooking up with a “low value” male）。 What makes the book even more fun is that examples in the animal kingdom are littered （pun！） throughout the book， especially those that resemble human behaviors。 One such example is the scorpionfly: the male presents a nuptial gift of food that should take the female about 20 minutes to consume during copulation; however if the gift is too small the female will fly away before the male is finished depositing all its sperm。 Dr。 Buss begins and ends the book with following: many like to think that humans are somehow magically exempt from the processes of natural and sexual selection， but denying or deriding such doesn’t change the fact of the matter。 Super fun read。 DM me if you want my booknotes。 。。。more

Gamal Hennessy ，

Evolution is an attempt to explain human behavior and society through the prism of sexual selection。 Buss uses theories of psychological evolution throughout human history to explain our collective behavior in finding， securing， holding onto， and switching sexual partners。 The basic premise of the book is an inherent conflict between and among the sexes in sexual transactions that impacts every aspect of society。 It is the type of book that can shift your perceptions about all human interactions Evolution is an attempt to explain human behavior and society through the prism of sexual selection。 Buss uses theories of psychological evolution throughout human history to explain our collective behavior in finding， securing， holding onto， and switching sexual partners。 The basic premise of the book is an inherent conflict between and among the sexes in sexual transactions that impacts every aspect of society。 It is the type of book that can shift your perceptions about all human interactions and activity to a darker and more cynical perspective。 。。。more

Chaouki ，

"we are the first species in the known history of three and a half billion years of life on earth with the capacity to control our own destiny， the prospects of designing our destiny remains excellent to the degree that we comprehend our evolutionary past"。 What a marvelous end to a marvelous book。Some Books like some people divide your life between the time before you read them and the time after。 The scorpion fly will， every time， provide its mate with a prey while it copulates with it， every "we are the first species in the known history of three and a half billion years of life on earth with the capacity to control our own destiny， the prospects of designing our destiny remains excellent to the degree that we comprehend our evolutionary past"。 What a marvelous end to a marvelous book。Some Books like some people divide your life between the time before you read them and the time after。 The scorpion fly will， every time， provide its mate with a prey while it copulates with it， every time from the begining of history untill the end of it， while the sweede women and men have decided that they would enjoy life and have sex with whoever is in the way。 At the same time an afghani man is stoning his wife for adultery and a chinese is working from dusk to dawn to provide for his family。 It seems that the only thing we share with animals is a past and a need to exploit them。 We are so unique with this ability to accumulate knowledge， notice and act upon our desire to change and create。 The further we learn， the farther we part from our animal ancestors， the closer we come to god， in whose image we were created and whose sovereignty reins upon us and endows us with our own sense of sovereignty。 Thank god。 。。。more

Eymen Ajmi ，

Excellent book， an inspiring work that would change your mind about the human mating world。 With the knowledge of our mating past you could deal with our conflicts better now， when we acknowledge our differences， we will be more successful in our relationships and have happier lives。Excellent multicultural empirical data backs his thesis up， some Speculations are present， nonetheless straightforward！ A must-read。

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0