Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Create Date：2021-07-11 09:55:41
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Jonice Webb
- ISBN：161448242X
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Summary
Running on Empty is the first self-help book about Emotional Neglect: an invisible force from your childhood which you can't see， but may be affecting you profoundly to this day。 It is about what didn't happen in your childhood， what wasn't said， and what cannot be remembered。
Do you sometimes feel as if you're just going through the motions in life？ Are you good at looking and acting as if you're fine， but secretly feel lonely and disconnected？ Perhaps you have a fine life and are good at your work， but somehow it's just not enough to make you happy。
If so， you are not alone。 The world is full of people who have an innate sense that something is wrong with them。 Who feel they live on the outside looking in， but have no explanation for their feeling and no way to put it into words。 Who blame themselves for not being happier。
If you are one of these people， you may fear that you are not connected enough to your spouse， or that you don't feel pleasure or love as profoundly as others do。 Perhaps when you do experience strong emotions， you have difficulty understanding or tolerating them。 You may drink too much， or eat too much， or risk too much， in an attempt to feel something good。
In over twenty years of practicing psychology， many people have arrived in Jonice Webb's office， driven by the threat of divorce or the onset of depression， or by loneliness， and said， "Something is missing in me。"
Running on Empty will give you clear strategies for how to heal， and offers a special chapter for mental health professionals。 In the world of human suffering， this book is an Emotional Smart Bomb meant to eradicate the effects of an invisible enemy。
Do you sometimes feel as if you're just going through the motions in life？ Are you good at looking and acting as if you're fine， but secretly feel lonely and disconnected？ Perhaps you have a fine life and are good at your work， but somehow it's just not enough to make you happy。
If so， you are not alone。 The world is full of people who have an innate sense that something is wrong with them。 Who feel they live on the outside looking in， but have no explanation for their feeling and no way to put it into words。 Who blame themselves for not being happier。
If you are one of these people， you may fear that you are not connected enough to your spouse， or that you don't feel pleasure or love as profoundly as others do。 Perhaps when you do experience strong emotions， you have difficulty understanding or tolerating them。 You may drink too much， or eat too much， or risk too much， in an attempt to feel something good。
In over twenty years of practicing psychology， many people have arrived in Jonice Webb's office， driven by the threat of divorce or the onset of depression， or by loneliness， and said， "Something is missing in me。"
Running on Empty will give you clear strategies for how to heal， and offers a special chapter for mental health professionals。 In the world of human suffering， this book is an Emotional Smart Bomb meant to eradicate the effects of an invisible enemy。
Reviews
Nick Richtsmeier
，
Many times psychology books illuminate an important idea。 Unfortunately the quality of the writing and the empathy of the writer is severely lacking。 This is one of those times。I gave it three instead of two stars because I really benefited from Dr。 Webb's definitions and understanding of emotional neglect。 Unfortunately her writing biases to protecting the egos of the parents who might be reading instead of dealing with the real trauma that results。Lots of talk of "well-meaning" and "well-inten Many times psychology books illuminate an important idea。 Unfortunately the quality of the writing and the empathy of the writer is severely lacking。 This is one of those times。I gave it three instead of two stars because I really benefited from Dr。 Webb's definitions and understanding of emotional neglect。 Unfortunately her writing biases to protecting the egos of the parents who might be reading instead of dealing with the real trauma that results。Lots of talk of "well-meaning" and "well-intended" parenting， which may be true， but makes a reader who has experienced some of these things feel alienated and silenced by the exact person who is supposed to be helping。 。。。more
Alex Artamonova
，
A book introducing the concept of emotional neglect outside of the physical neglect sphere。
Geogeo
，
This book is about the acts of omission that parents commit that cause their children to grow up with the symptoms of Emotional Neglect。 I took the questionnaire at the beginning and checked ‘yes’ to all of the statements that I personally identified with so I decided to give it a go， and I’m glad that I did。 Emotional neglect is hard to identify because it can hide behind knowledge that your parents cared about you and did their best。 It lurks in the spaces in your relationship where something This book is about the acts of omission that parents commit that cause their children to grow up with the symptoms of Emotional Neglect。 I took the questionnaire at the beginning and checked ‘yes’ to all of the statements that I personally identified with so I decided to give it a go， and I’m glad that I did。 Emotional neglect is hard to identify because it can hide behind knowledge that your parents cared about you and did their best。 It lurks in the spaces in your relationship where something should have happened but didn’t such as an encouraging word， emotional validation or a conversation after you made a mistake instead of a an easy punishment。 it comes in the form of the overly permissive parent that leaves their child on their own to discover their interests and capabilities。 Looking back on all of the situations that are presented in this book I came to understand some spaces in my heart that were never illuminated before。 I always knew that I had experienced neglect in general but I always covered it up with justifications for my parents。 Young me should have had a guide in his life that helped him work through those feelings， moment to moment。 So glad I read this book。 I feel like I will be able to be a better father because of it。 The writing is simple and easy to follow。 Everything that’s talked about seems very common sense but like most self help books I’ve read it’s the angle at which it’s presented that really makes it impactful。 This book really gets to the heart of the issue and doesn’t drag as it’s a quick read。 。。。more
Fleur Booth
，
an interesting read。 the use of pronouns flicking between only she and he i found slightly jilting but fascinating content that i think everyone would benefit from knowing
Shannon
，
Very practical and true book。 Sad but hopeful。 Thanks for writing it！
Molly
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I skimmed this book。 It's a self-help manual on how to overcome the emotional neglect many of us suffered and inflicted。 I didn't like the simplistic and upbeat writing style， and I often get irritated in self-help books when they have all the anecdotes and example conversations。 The thing I did like was a description of a kind of neglect that I had never heard mentioned before， and which is important in mental health。 I'm grateful for the insight I got from the book。 I skimmed this book。 It's a self-help manual on how to overcome the emotional neglect many of us suffered and inflicted。 I didn't like the simplistic and upbeat writing style， and I often get irritated in self-help books when they have all the anecdotes and example conversations。 The thing I did like was a description of a kind of neglect that I had never heard mentioned before， and which is important in mental health。 I'm grateful for the insight I got from the book。 。。。more
Gökçe
，
Cok akici， aciklayici bir dille yazilmis bir kitap。 herkesin， ozellikle de ebeveynlerin okumasinda buyuk fayda bulacagini dusunuyorum。
Anni
，
such an amazing book ！！！！！
Ayman
，
Running on Empty by Jonice Webb Emotional health is as important as physical health and cognitive ability。 All require nourishment and training to lead a happy life。 However， while we are all experts on physical and cognitive development， emotional health is usually the most neglected and least understood。 This book wants to change that and does a good job at it。 1- Emotional neglect is invisible While abuse and aggression are visible traumas， emotional neglect can be very subtle， yet equally po Running on Empty by Jonice Webb Emotional health is as important as physical health and cognitive ability。 All require nourishment and training to lead a happy life。 However， while we are all experts on physical and cognitive development， emotional health is usually the most neglected and least understood。 This book wants to change that and does a good job at it。 1- Emotional neglect is invisible While abuse and aggression are visible traumas， emotional neglect can be very subtle， yet equally potent。 Spoiling children with gifts and not holding them accountable and responsible for their achievement can be damaging as they grow up unable to take ownership and responsibility。 While some parents “buy” or “ignore” their way out of conflicts。 It’s exactly conflict children need to mature emotionally。 When parents do not express their feelings， children learn that emotions are not important and suffer from anxiety and emptiness later in their life without knowing why。 2- Damage can be repaired: Through meditation， counseling and deliberately focusing on inner emotions， one can unearth the sources of their anxiety and it can be as simple as a single event from childhood that itched itself into their mind and formed a lasting impact。 Understanding that event and how it affected one’s life is what psychiatrists try to achieve in counseling sessions。 This can be very beneficial even to those who seem to have robust mental health。 Other than meditation and counseling， certain exercises can be helpful to change unhealthy behaviors and enforce healthy ones。 For example， people who have a problem with self-discipline could set a daily target of Doing 3 important things they don’t like and/or avoiding 3 wasteful activities they like。 Every time you force yourself to finish an important assignment despite being bored or turn off the TV to go for a physical exercise you get a point。 Make sure to score 3 points every day， and in a short time this becomes a habit。 A great book。 。。。more
Max Seader
，
Note that the language in the book was exceptionally gendered （he/she）
Zoe McKey
，
I don't know how this book was off my radar until now。。。 it's an amazing read for anyone who experienced childhood emotional neglect。 Dr。 Webb explains exactly what did your parents omit doing， exactly what consequences does that omission have on your life， and exactly what to do about it now。 I don't know how this book was off my radar until now。。。 it's an amazing read for anyone who experienced childhood emotional neglect。 Dr。 Webb explains exactly what did your parents omit doing， exactly what consequences does that omission have on your life， and exactly what to do about it now。 。。。more
Mikayla
，
Very eye-opening。 One of my new favorite self help/psychology books。
Joanne Chang
，
Very insightful on how to spot the symptoms and how to become more emotionally literate
Alex
，
There were some interesting pieces to this book， such as naming emotions， the concept of "vertical questioning" to get to the root of an issue， and some of the contributing factors to perfectionism （e。g。 self-blame rather than learning from mistakes and moving on）。 That being said， this book was Heavy on blaming parental missteps while constantly reiterating that it wasn't doing exactly that。 （Just because you say you're not doing something doesn't make it true。） Very pop psych in that sense。 Ot There were some interesting pieces to this book， such as naming emotions， the concept of "vertical questioning" to get to the root of an issue， and some of the contributing factors to perfectionism （e。g。 self-blame rather than learning from mistakes and moving on）。 That being said， this book was Heavy on blaming parental missteps while constantly reiterating that it wasn't doing exactly that。 （Just because you say you're not doing something doesn't make it true。） Very pop psych in that sense。 Other reviewers pointed out it also presumes parents as the be-all end-all for childhood development， ignoring different family structures， or community involvement， and really just ignores the importance of other types of social units other than the Nuclear Family TM。 Also the "Change Sheets" are。。。。 underwhelming。 One is literally just， "Put a checkmark on the days that you rest & relax。" And a calendar。 Most of the sheets are like this。 。。。more
Denizzz
，
Çok başarılı，anlaşılır örneklerle，çocukluğumuzda maruz kaldığımız duygusal ihmalin doğurduğu sonuçları anlatıyor。Çevremdeki insanlara，kendime ，sevdiklerime bir de bu gözle baktım。Faydalı oldu benim için。2。kitabında da çözümlerden bahsediyormuş，okuma listemde sırada o var。
EMMANUEL
，
I very much was able to easily get through this book's context。 Was very， very， very， surprised in that of the ability that I was in of capability for this book。 This book， is very much an ideal for those whom are interested in contexts that aid in self - understanding， self - perseverance， and most importantly， self - reflection in of that mindset （psychological rational）， that aids the person with relevant life rationalizing applications to facility a coping method to secure the person in of a I very much was able to easily get through this book's context。 Was very， very， very， surprised in that of the ability that I was in of capability for this book。 This book， is very much an ideal for those whom are interested in contexts that aid in self - understanding， self - perseverance， and most importantly， self - reflection in of that mindset （psychological rational）， that aids the person with relevant life rationalizing applications to facility a coping method to secure the person in of a resolution or restitution （which ever is accomplished）， for the person's unnerved reality。 Their unnerved reality being， their own traumas and ordeals that instate a hardship that prevents the person of being fully aware of themself and their full self。 。。。more
Camille
，
Extremely illuminating with lots of practical things you can do right away to rebuild your sense of self， improve how you care for yourself and others， and develop a clear perception of your feelings， needs， and wants。The most salient takeaway is that you can't give to others what you don't have， but you *can* have what you want to give to others by FIRST giving it to yourself。 That's deep。 Extremely illuminating with lots of practical things you can do right away to rebuild your sense of self， improve how you care for yourself and others， and develop a clear perception of your feelings， needs， and wants。The most salient takeaway is that you can't give to others what you don't have， but you *can* have what you want to give to others by FIRST giving it to yourself。 That's deep。 。。。more
Amira
，
I found this book very useful and informative。 I think this book is useful not only to adults who think they experienced emotional neglect during their childhood but also to those interested to learn about parenting。The book in its majority talks to adults who experienced emotional neglect， explaining what is emotional neglect， listing 12 ways of parenting that can result in an emotionally neglected child and the signs of emotional neglect that appear in adulthood。It also gives some guidance abo I found this book very useful and informative。 I think this book is useful not only to adults who think they experienced emotional neglect during their childhood but also to those interested to learn about parenting。The book in its majority talks to adults who experienced emotional neglect， explaining what is emotional neglect， listing 12 ways of parenting that can result in an emotionally neglected child and the signs of emotional neglect that appear in adulthood。It also gives some guidance about how adults can take care of themselves and break the cycle。 。。。more
Chantal
，
Highly recommend for anyone who suffered a difficult relationship with their parents。 The biggest point of this book is that it may not seem like it applies to you - that because your parents didn’t hit you， you weren’t mistreated - but emotional neglect is a silent problem and a lot of people go about their daily lives having no idea why they feel so unhappy。 Emotional neglect is a contributing factor that many of us don’t realize is there。 I cried multiple times reading this book， as finally s Highly recommend for anyone who suffered a difficult relationship with their parents。 The biggest point of this book is that it may not seem like it applies to you - that because your parents didn’t hit you， you weren’t mistreated - but emotional neglect is a silent problem and a lot of people go about their daily lives having no idea why they feel so unhappy。 Emotional neglect is a contributing factor that many of us don’t realize is there。 I cried multiple times reading this book， as finally someone was putting into words what I experienced growing up， and helped me realize that some of the things I experienced were wrong and I had no idea。 。。。more
Feridita
，
Ebeveynlerin büyük çoğunluğunun çocukları için en iyisini yaptığını biliyoruz。 Kitabın amacı ebeveynleri başarısız hissettirmek değil。 Kitap boyunca çocuklarını seven iyi niyetli ancak yinede çocuklarını duygusal anlamda ihmal eden ebeveynler anlatılıyor。 Bu çocukların az yada çok ailelerinin ihmalini görmektense kendilerini problem olarak görmelerine değiniyor， bilinç kazandırıyor。 Özdisiplin ve özşefkat gibi yeterliliklerin nasıl sonradan kurulabileciğini anlatıyor。
Kristen Lawrance
，
One of many non-fiction books I have been working on since going back into the social work feild。 Super， super practical book with a fascinating new perspective。
Lisa
，
A well delivered popular psychology style book for those curious about therapy or new to it， or seeking to get clearer on why people can struggle a lot with emotions even if they seem to have been loved and well cared for growing up。 As a psychotherapist I think this book can help a lot in orienting people to the question of “what is therapy for？”However it really REALLY troubles me that Dr Webb misrepresents herself as the discoverer of the thinking presented in her book。 This is either complet A well delivered popular psychology style book for those curious about therapy or new to it， or seeking to get clearer on why people can struggle a lot with emotions even if they seem to have been loved and well cared for growing up。 As a psychotherapist I think this book can help a lot in orienting people to the question of “what is therapy for？”However it really REALLY troubles me that Dr Webb misrepresents herself as the discoverer of the thinking presented in her book。 This is either completely disingenuous and dishonest or reflects unexpected ignorance of the seminal work of Donald Winnicott; and also the work of Heinz Kohut。 And all the others since， who took these seminal theorists’ work further。 Webb’s repeated claims of coming up with her thinking on her own in a supposed prior vacuum in the field; repeated statements about the supposed lack of prior work on the subject even as she grows her approach and thinking EXACTLY around Winnicott’s conceptual framework， specifically of the “good enough mother”， as well as Kohut’s Self-Psychology even down to referring to the developing child’s need for mirroring - using the term almost identically to how Kohut （who coined the terminology） did， is horrifying to me。I was able to overlook sprinklings of this problem earlier in the book。 But in the last couple of sections she doubles down on presenting herself as The Innovator of the approach。 I found this unconscionable despite having actually really liked her book aside from this pretty egregious （in my eyes） error。 I’m still giving a limited recommendation to read it because as I said before， it’s a nice orientation to people new to therapy as long as they bear in mind the writer is clearly communicating in a helpful way， wisdom built on a rich tradition， that she is actually rather new to！I wish that the book did not contain such a glaring neglect of attribution。 If it had not essentially plagiarized prior work of others， even if inadvertently， I would have given it five stars for its wonderful distillation of Winnicott and Kohut into accessible pop psychology for the layperson。 It feels quite odd to have liked and hated the book simultaneously。 Perhaps Dr Webb will also discover ambivalence and conflicting feelings in her next book？ ;-） 。。。more
Nina Lisitsa
，
Pretty insightful。
Kelly
，
i have recommended this book to anyone who has lived through childhood neglect/trauma or an absent but there parent。 This explains all different types of neglect and trauma you wouldn't even know you went through。 An amazing book to read twice and pass on。 i have recommended this book to anyone who has lived through childhood neglect/trauma or an absent but there parent。 This explains all different types of neglect and trauma you wouldn't even know you went through。 An amazing book to read twice and pass on。 。。。more
Sara
，
Well that was depressing。
Ecem Bingöl
，
In some sense， I'd never had enough courage to question my own life， the feeling of the void inside， and my ups and downs until like 2-3 years ago。 This book evoked lots of different feelings towards my childhood and my early puberty years。 I was feeling restless and anxious for no reason at home， never understood why always had discourse with my parents and I just thought that my personality sucked 'cause I was basically a person who is difficult to please。 Understanding the background story of In some sense， I'd never had enough courage to question my own life， the feeling of the void inside， and my ups and downs until like 2-3 years ago。 This book evoked lots of different feelings towards my childhood and my early puberty years。 I was feeling restless and anxious for no reason at home， never understood why always had discourse with my parents and I just thought that my personality sucked 'cause I was basically a person who is difficult to please。 Understanding the background story of a neglected childhood helps me realize that it’s all connected with the ones who grow you up and prepare you for the life。 The drama dates back to your parent’s childhood， their parents’ childhood， and so on… You’re a part of a chain and the discovery begins when you try to break it down。 I don’t believe everything is our parents’ fault but how we were treated and given love&affection during childhood shapes us as human beings。 Although the book might be classified as a pop-psychology book; it somehow manages to explain the specific details about ‘’why do you feel that way’’。 。。。more
Anastasia Hamurari
，
I’d go as far as to say that this is a must-read/listen for everyone。 Even if you think you had a plentiful childhood （lucky you）， there is a good chance that you had some needs that weren’t fully met。 This isn’t to blame your parents - they’re the same people as you but older - but to become more aware of some shortfalls you might be experiencing as an adult and try to consciously fix them。At times I did find myself nodding to every sentence Jonice was voicing as I listened to the audiobook。 I I’d go as far as to say that this is a must-read/listen for everyone。 Even if you think you had a plentiful childhood （lucky you）， there is a good chance that you had some needs that weren’t fully met。 This isn’t to blame your parents - they’re the same people as you but older - but to become more aware of some shortfalls you might be experiencing as an adult and try to consciously fix them。At times I did find myself nodding to every sentence Jonice was voicing as I listened to the audiobook。 I couldn’t believe that my own experiences were not singular and that some traumatic patterns are actually quite common。 It were what they call the ‘aha moments’ I was glad to finally have myself， too。 Tip: Would highly recommend listening to this book instead of reading it。 。。。more
Hristiyan
，
This explains a lot of things and I am glad I found this to help overcome my feeling of emptiness。
Mahir
，
Psikoloji üzerine güzel ve ciddi bir kitap。 Kişisel gelişim zırvalıklarından uzak bilimsel altyapısı olan bir eser。
Andrew Whalan
，