Talvez você deva conversar com alguém: Uma terapeuta, o terapeuta dela e a vida de todos nós
- Downloads：5548
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-03-17 09:17:20
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Lori Gottlieb
- ISBN：6599039812
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
De modo geral， buscamos a ajuda de um terapeuta para melhor compreender as angústias， os medos， a culpa ou quaisquer outros sentimentos que nos causam desconforto e sofrimento。 Mas quantos de nós já paramos para perguntar: o terapeuta está imune à gama de questões que ele auxilia seus pacientes a dirimir e superar， dia após dia？ A autora best-seller e terapeuta Lori Gottlieb nos mostra que a resposta a essa pergunta traz revelações surpreendentes。
Quando ela se vê emocionalmente incapaz de gerenciar uma situação que perturba sua vida， uma amiga lhe faz uma sugestão: talvez você deva conversar com alguém。
Combinando histórias reunidas a partir de sua rica trajetória como terapeuta （distribuídas entre quatro personagens inesquecíveis） à sua própria experiência como paciente， Lori nos oferece um relato afetuoso， leve e comovente sobre a universalidade de nossas perguntas e ansiedades， e joga luz sobre o que há de mais misterioso em nós， afirmando nossa capacidade de mudar nossas vidas。
Uma jornada emocionante de autodescoberta， uma homenagem à natureza humana e um lembrete sobre a importância de sermos ouvidos， mas também de sabermos ouvir。 Um livro sobre a importância dos encontros， dos afetos e da coragem de todos os que partimos para a aventura do autoconhecimento。
Quando ela se vê emocionalmente incapaz de gerenciar uma situação que perturba sua vida， uma amiga lhe faz uma sugestão: talvez você deva conversar com alguém。
Combinando histórias reunidas a partir de sua rica trajetória como terapeuta （distribuídas entre quatro personagens inesquecíveis） à sua própria experiência como paciente， Lori nos oferece um relato afetuoso， leve e comovente sobre a universalidade de nossas perguntas e ansiedades， e joga luz sobre o que há de mais misterioso em nós， afirmando nossa capacidade de mudar nossas vidas。
Uma jornada emocionante de autodescoberta， uma homenagem à natureza humana e um lembrete sobre a importância de sermos ouvidos， mas também de sabermos ouvir。 Um livro sobre a importância dos encontros， dos afetos e da coragem de todos os que partimos para a aventura do autoconhecimento。
Reviews
Christina
，
This book gives us the way we should honestly all try therapy。 It also lets us know that we aren't alone in going。Some parts honestly made me want to cry and on some I did。 This book gives us the way we should honestly all try therapy。 It also lets us know that we aren't alone in going。Some parts honestly made me want to cry and on some I did。 。。。more
Betsy Petersen
，
Just saw someone mention the name Jonathan Stark， producer of According to Jim and father to two girls， Gracie and Ruby。 How can it be possible she would not change the names？ Or what are the odds she changed the names and they happened to match another TV producer's family？？ Loved the book but now that I've heard this info I'm so stressed。 Just saw someone mention the name Jonathan Stark， producer of According to Jim and father to two girls， Gracie and Ruby。 How can it be possible she would not change the names？ Or what are the odds she changed the names and they happened to match another TV producer's family？？ Loved the book but now that I've heard this info I'm so stressed。 。。。more
Joy
，
（Disclaimer: I listened to the audible book when I was at the gym。 Nathan says this doesn’t count as reading。 I disagree。）This was a really interesting book。 It’s written by a therapist and she discusses 4 of her patients （or a combination of patients mixed into 1 fictitious person that represents all the issues going on） and her thoughts as those patients go through therapy and figure out what’s what。 That doesn’t sound too different from a lot of books written by therapists- but wait！ There’s （Disclaimer: I listened to the audible book when I was at the gym。 Nathan says this doesn’t count as reading。 I disagree。）This was a really interesting book。 It’s written by a therapist and she discusses 4 of her patients （or a combination of patients mixed into 1 fictitious person that represents all the issues going on） and her thoughts as those patients go through therapy and figure out what’s what。 That doesn’t sound too different from a lot of books written by therapists- but wait！ There’s more！ Then this therapist begins to discuss her own journey in therapy and her interactions with her own therapist。 That 100% fascinated me。 A therapist going to therapy and knowing the tricks and tips to make someone spill their guts？！？ I loved it。 It is fascinating to me to see how we are normalizing mental health in our society。 Of course， we have a ways to go。 But just the fact that people can openly say: “this is my issue- this is what I need help carrying when it gets too heavy” is incredibly encouraging to me。 We all have demons and when we reject the opportunity to connect with someone else about it- that’s the real tragedy。 Anyway- read it！ There’s a few curse words but that didn’t bother me。 。。。more
Heather
，
I absolutely loved this book。 I loved getting to know Lori through the memoir portions of the book and loved getting to know her patients as she discussed their situations and how she helped them progress through what they were dealing with。 Her writing style is super accessible， easy to read， and makes nonfiction feel so fun。 All of the "characters" in the book were relatable and I felt for them， but Julie's story touched my heart the most for sure。 I had heard Gottlieb on the podcast Terrible， I absolutely loved this book。 I loved getting to know Lori through the memoir portions of the book and loved getting to know her patients as she discussed their situations and how she helped them progress through what they were dealing with。 Her writing style is super accessible， easy to read， and makes nonfiction feel so fun。 All of the "characters" in the book were relatable and I felt for them， but Julie's story touched my heart the most for sure。 I had heard Gottlieb on the podcast Terrible， Thanks for Asking in the past， telling Julie's story， so I had a vague idea of what was going to happen， but it was still a joy/heartbreak to read about in the book。The book felt really personal to me because I have been toying around with the idea of going back to school to become a therapist for YEARS now。 I studied psychology in undergrad and never did anything with it， my career has absolutely nothing to do with that degree。 As the years pass， I keep telling myself it's "too late" to make this kind of drastic career change requiring a lot more school， but Lori really inspired me。 She made a similar move at a similar age to me， and it really helped me reframe that idea in my mind。 I am not making any commitments just yet， but the idea that I could do something like this， at almost 40， is really great to consider。I LOVE THIS BOOK。 It is every bit as great as everyone has said it would be。 。。。more
Mona Li
，
While this was a nice and easy read， it was kind of weird that the patients were essentially fictional。 I understand the need for confidentiality， but it feels insincere for the author to make up patient stories to fit her narrative。 I also wish there had been deeper insight into therapy。 The book unfortunately turned out to be a self help book， which is not a genre I usually enjoy。 Still， the book kept me relatively engaged throughout。
Michael Carlson
，
While non-fiction， this book nonetheless really （and cleverly） tells a story， mixing Gottlieb's own travails in understanding herself as well as several of her patients， all of which contribute to our better understanding of what therapy can do！ A great read！ While non-fiction， this book nonetheless really （and cleverly） tells a story， mixing Gottlieb's own travails in understanding herself as well as several of her patients， all of which contribute to our better understanding of what therapy can do！ A great read！ 。。。more
Fred
，
This was a great book。 The stories are easily relatable and， somehow， easily applicable。 I was able to find myself in multiple patients described throghout the book。 It's like I was sitting in the room， making the connections myself。 This was a great book。 The stories are easily relatable and， somehow， easily applicable。 I was able to find myself in multiple patients described throghout the book。 It's like I was sitting in the room， making the connections myself。 。。。more
Brooke
，
Everyone needs to read this book！
Hannah Heller
，
This book is a must read！ With such dynamic characters in unique situations there is something for everyone to take from this book。 Plus the fact that Lori is not only the patient but also the doctor adds a whole different dimension to most books about therapy you’ve never seen。 Will read again just because I know there are nuggets I didn’t get the first time around！
آلآء حسام
，
هذه كانت قراءة جميلة لكتاب أجمل، تحكي في هذا الكتاب （لوري غوتليب） قصص بعض مرضاها، وقصتها شخصيا مع العلاج النفسي كمعالجة نفسية بعد انفصالها عن خليلها。（جون） الشخص القاسي الذي يطلب كل جلسة الطعام الآسيوي، الذي لا يتحدث كثيرا عن نفسه ولا يعبر عن مشاعره بالطريقة الصحيحة。（جولي） مريضة السرطان التي ستموت في وقت قصير، تحكي في جلساتها مع （لوري） عن الموت وأمنياتها الضائعة في أن تكون أماً。（ريتا） المرأة التي تزوجت أربع مرات، لا يحبها أبنائها، وتخاف دائما من المجهول。（وندل） معالج （لوري） النفسي، تلجأ إليه للسما هذه كانت قراءة جميلة لكتاب أجمل، تحكي في هذا الكتاب （لوري غوتليب） قصص بعض مرضاها، وقصتها شخصيا مع العلاج النفسي كمعالجة نفسية بعد انفصالها عن خليلها。（جون） الشخص القاسي الذي يطلب كل جلسة الطعام الآسيوي، الذي لا يتحدث كثيرا عن نفسه ولا يعبر عن مشاعره بالطريقة الصحيحة。（جولي） مريضة السرطان التي ستموت في وقت قصير، تحكي في جلساتها مع （لوري） عن الموت وأمنياتها الضائعة في أن تكون أماً。（ريتا） المرأة التي تزوجت أربع مرات، لا يحبها أبنائها، وتخاف دائما من المجهول。（وندل） معالج （لوري） النفسي، تلجأ إليه للسماح بالغضب والحزن بالخروج من حياتها بعد انفصالها المؤلم。عشت مع شخصيات هذا الكتاب شخصاً شخصاً مشاعر الألم والحزن، ومشاعر الالتئام والسعادة。 。。。more
Melissa Dinwiddie
，
MasterfulWhat Gottlieb does so skillfully in this book is weave together her story， the stories of multiple （composite） clients （they are composites in order to protect client privacy， but damn if they don’t read like living， breathing individuals）， a bit of the story of HER therapist， and more information about therapy than you thought was possible in a book of entertainment。Because this book is entertainment。 In fact， I could hardly put it down。 Gottlieb knows how to create an arc， raise the s MasterfulWhat Gottlieb does so skillfully in this book is weave together her story， the stories of multiple （composite） clients （they are composites in order to protect client privacy， but damn if they don’t read like living， breathing individuals）， a bit of the story of HER therapist， and more information about therapy than you thought was possible in a book of entertainment。Because this book is entertainment。 In fact， I could hardly put it down。 Gottlieb knows how to create an arc， raise the stakes， and drip out information to keep you turning pages for more。 Like the experience of therapy itself， the book is a transformational journey。 One I highly recommend。 。。。more
Kayla Brahm
，
Enjoyed every minute of this book from start to finish。 It beautifully captures the practice of psychotherapy， highlighting the importance of human connection and relationship building。 I laughed and learned with each page。
Reymelshemirani
，
کتاب داستانِ یک درمانگر رو روایت میکنه، که با مراجعهای مختلف برخورد میکنه و زندگی اونارو میشنوه، همچنین خودش برای درمان پیش یک مشاور دیگه میره و از زندگی خودش میگه。 روندِ کتاب و پرداختنش به آدمهای مختلف فوقالعاده خوبه، دیالوگهای زیبا توی فصلهای مختلف تو رو به تامل وادار میکنه。
Mary Gorte
，
Loved this book。 Very insightful and thought provoking。 At times it can make you laugh and make you cry。
Jess Cole
，
I had always seen this recommended for people who were curious about talking therapy so I kind of had it in my head this was like a “how to”。 Pleasantly surprised that it is much more of a memoir addressing the author’s experience as therapist and patient， and a number of different critical aspects of talking therapy。 I know not all books can be all things but I felt that the book really glossed over a number of really critical elements of the modern culture of talking therapy （ie the go-to refr I had always seen this recommended for people who were curious about talking therapy so I kind of had it in my head this was like a “how to”。 Pleasantly surprised that it is much more of a memoir addressing the author’s experience as therapist and patient， and a number of different critical aspects of talking therapy。 I know not all books can be all things but I felt that the book really glossed over a number of really critical elements of the modern culture of talking therapy （ie the go-to refrain of “go to therapy！” which ignores the financial reality of pursuing it， as well as the difficulty in finding a therapist with whom you can meaningfully work with particularly given the lack of diversity in the profession and increasingly the lack of availability）。 。。。more
Allison Kowalkowski
，
Full of wisdom and great takeaways。 I really enjoyed this one and was moved by the growth of all the characters。
kate
，
AN ABSOLUTE MUST READ！！！If you have ever thought about therapy but are ashamed or scared to go， read this book。 Think about yourself， for once！ I have not yet started in person therapy， but I’m finishing this book today I am reaching out to find one for myself and my journey to healing。
Alina Bassegoda
，
Beautifully written， this is a candid and intelligent recount of Gottlieb’s own struggles， as well as her patients’。 If you ever think of getting psychotherapy （as we all should）， or if you already are （good for you！）， maybe you should read this book。
Heba
，
الكاتبة والمعالجة النفسية " لوري غوتليب" إثر إنفصالها عن حبيبها ، تبحث عن معالج نفسي لكي يُمكنها من تجاوز أزمة الانفصال وتستطيع الوقوف على قدميها مُجدداً。。。。。أسمعك تقول : اتمزحين ، مُعالجة نفسية تقصد معالج نفسي ؟！！。。هذا ما كان。。。، لقد كانت إنسانة قبل أي شيء وما الانفصال إلا مشكلة مُستجدة تطفو على السطح。。。وكان على أحدهم أن يساعدها في سبر أغوار نفسها。。。。تتنقل أنت ما بين جلساتها العلاجية وتلك التي عقدتها مع مرضاها。。。ولكن。。。" هل تسمح لي بأن أخبرك بأنني لا أحبذ مصطلح " مريض" لأننا جميعاً نرزح تحت ثقل الكاتبة والمعالجة النفسية " لوري غوتليب" إثر إنفصالها عن حبيبها ، تبحث عن معالج نفسي لكي يُمكنها من تجاوز أزمة الانفصال وتستطيع الوقوف على قدميها مُجدداً。。。。。أسمعك تقول : اتمزحين ، مُعالجة نفسية تقصد معالج نفسي ؟！！。。هذا ما كان。。。، لقد كانت إنسانة قبل أي شيء وما الانفصال إلا مشكلة مُستجدة تطفو على السطح。。。وكان على أحدهم أن يساعدها في سبر أغوار نفسها。。。。تتنقل أنت ما بين جلساتها العلاجية وتلك التي عقدتها مع مرضاها。。。ولكن。。。" هل تسمح لي بأن أخبرك بأنني لا أحبذ مصطلح " مريض" لأننا جميعاً نرزح تحت ثقل معاناة ما。。。نختبر الألم。。الفقد。。والخسارة。。。إذن لنستبدل مرضى بنماذج انسانية。。。اتفقنا。。。هنا لابد أولاً إلى الإشارة بأن الكاتبة كمعالجة نفسية تتحلى بذكاء متقد。。سرعة بديهة。。ماهرة في التحكم بقواعد العلاقات التي تجمعها بمرضاها。。。。لا تحاول أن تنقذ أحداً。。لأنه لا يوجد احدٌ ينقذ أحداً。。。ولكنها ترشدهم أين تركوا المفتاح الذي يقودهم لحياة أفضل。。。بسرد مُلهم شيق。。。وحس دعابة لطيف تُعري الذات لتكشف عن عوالمها المخبوءة 。。المُهمشة。。。المجهولة。。。لا أود أن أملي على نفسي أو عليك ما يتوجب علينا فعله。。。。لكن يبدو إنه علينا التوقف عن التمسك بتلك القصص المُعادة والتي لا ننفك نُكررها على أنفسنا。。。تقوضنا بماضينا。。 وفي ظلالها يتداعى حاضرنا。。。علينا الإنصات إلى رواياتنا الداخلية。。。الأسئلة التي نطرحها على أنفسنا ، تلك التي تدفعنا إلى تغيير نسختنا القديمة المتهالكة。。。تحفزنا إلى الالتفاف حول الأمور وخلق شيء جديد。。。أخيراً。。。。 يبدو " إنه بات عليّ الشعور بأن الأمر ليس إما/ أو ، نعم/لا ، دائماً او أبداً。。。"。。。。 。。。more
Dani
，
Great story based on reality， about therapy and it’s inner workings but also read like a novel。
Jennifer
，
I absolutely loved this book。 I have been contemplating some major life decisions when I found this book back in June。 Lori Gottlieb’ writing， the development of her thoughts and characters （clients and therapist） just felt so real to me。 I found it inspiring and it helped me make some big decisions when I was only halfway through。 When my life got really hectic （due to those decisions）， I had to return the book to the library， but the story was just paused in my brain and I longed to finish it。 I absolutely loved this book。 I have been contemplating some major life decisions when I found this book back in June。 Lori Gottlieb’ writing， the development of her thoughts and characters （clients and therapist） just felt so real to me。 I found it inspiring and it helped me make some big decisions when I was only halfway through。 When my life got really hectic （due to those decisions）， I had to return the book to the library， but the story was just paused in my brain and I longed to finish it。 I finally purchased the book， immediately fell back into it， and breezed through while feeling many touching emotions。 I am so grateful that I found this book （and then her podcast） and highly recommend both！ 。。。more
Lauren Anderson
，
I wish I purchased this book so I could highlight， make notes in the margins， and bookmark pages！ I love the perspective Lori reinforces from her Ted Talk: the story we tell ourselves isn’t always true， but we can change it。 I found her writing to be very humbling and a wonderful reminder of our human flaws and how we can still make changes。
Caroline Lafayette
，
Achei um livro leve， mas com muito conteúdo。 Para quem já faz terapia， com certeza vai （se） identificar （com） muitos trechos。 Quem não faz ainda， vai ter vontade de fazer ou ao menos quebrar alguns preconceitos。 Mas além disso， é um livro que entrega histórias únicas， lindas e cheias de ensinamentos。 Perfeito！
natyca
，
This book is so easy to read because it's informative but also entertaining。 I've recommended it already to a lot of people。 Borrowed it from the library but I might buy it in the future。 This book is so easy to read because it's informative but also entertaining。 I've recommended it already to a lot of people。 Borrowed it from the library but I might buy it in the future。 。。。more
Diana
，
Got it and read it because people whose opinions I value， rated this book very highly。 And I found it both compelling and captivating。 And in some interesting way， I found it very personal。 It got me thinking about my life， even as I got hooked into caring about the lives in the book。 More than a memoir and certainly not a novel， Gottlieb did change the names and adjusted the stories to preserve privacy; all without reducing the quality of the writing or the story。An excellent read; I highly rec Got it and read it because people whose opinions I value， rated this book very highly。 And I found it both compelling and captivating。 And in some interesting way， I found it very personal。 It got me thinking about my life， even as I got hooked into caring about the lives in the book。 More than a memoir and certainly not a novel， Gottlieb did change the names and adjusted the stories to preserve privacy; all without reducing the quality of the writing or the story。An excellent read; I highly recommend this book。 。。。more
Kerri
，
This was much more of a memoir， with narrative through line like a novel， than I expected， but I loved it。 （I mistakenly thought the “you” in the title was supposed to be the reader） Lots of food for thought and perspective shifting psychological concepts， but can be enjoyed as an emotional ride I suppose without making yourself reflect， but where’s the fun in that？Note: I read via Audible and loved the voice of the narrator （Brittany Pressley）
Alicia
，
The last couple chapters was just one big cry fest wow 😭
Diane Cota
，
I read this one slowly。 Picking it up one night then forgetting about it for a while and repeat。 I had to be in the right “mood” to confront my own issues in the characters。 But I picked up so many quips of wisdom that it was definitely worth it。 Wisdom and quotes I imagine I’ll pass on to my own kids and patients at times。 Not a thriller but indulgent like comfort food for the soul。
Shoe
，
I read some of the reviews on this book before I dove into it。 It's fair to wonder about the privacy of the actual patients that Gottlieb discusses; were details changed to protect them or not？ Interesting question， but not one I'm particularly interested in at the moment， choosing to believe that informed consent was freely given and no harm has come。With that qualifier out of the way。。。I enjoyed the "characters" very much and found their stories uplifting， even as they may have made me shed a I read some of the reviews on this book before I dove into it。 It's fair to wonder about the privacy of the actual patients that Gottlieb discusses; were details changed to protect them or not？ Interesting question， but not one I'm particularly interested in at the moment， choosing to believe that informed consent was freely given and no harm has come。With that qualifier out of the way。。。I enjoyed the "characters" very much and found their stories uplifting， even as they may have made me shed a tear or two。Quotes from the book:"One of the most important steps in therapy is helping people take responsibility for their current predicaments， because once they realize that they can （and must） construct their own lives， they're free to generate change。 Often， though， people carry around the belief that the majority of their problems are circumstantial or situational - which is to say， external。 And if the problems are caused by everyone and everything else， by stuff out there， why should they bother to change themselves？ Even if they decide to do things differently， won't the rest of the world still be the same？""Sometimes we are the cause of our difficulties。 And if we can step out of our own way， something astonishing happens。"" "If the queen had balls， she'd be the king。" If you go through life picking and choosing， if you don't recognize that "the perfect is the enemy of the good，" you may deprive yourself of joy。""How do you sleep soundly next to a person and plan a life with her when you're secretly grappling with whether to leave？ （The answer is simple - a common defense mechanism called compartmentalization。）""He goes silent again， and it hits me: His eerie silence earlier was his way of bringing this up。""One step。 They may not be able to imagine their depression lifting anytime soon， but they don't need to。 Doing something prompts you to do something else， replacing a vicious cycle with a virtuous one。 Most big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny， almost imperceptible， steps we take along the way。 A lot can happen in the space of a step。""。。。 the only thing I did seem to care about was watching TV - since the only time I felt anything （or， perhaps more accurately， the only time I felt the absence of something unpleasant that I couldn't quite put my finger on） was when I was immersed in these imaginary worlds。。。""People often mistake numbness for nothingness， but numbness isn't the absence of feelings; it's a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings。""Don't judge your feelings; notice them。 Use them as your map。 Don't be afraid of the truth。""There is a continuing decision to be made as to whether to evade pain， or to tolerate it and therefore modify it。""Therapists talk a lot about how the past informs the present - how our histories affect the ways we think， feel， and behave and how at some point in our lives， we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past。 If we don't accept the notion that there's no redo， much as we try to get our parents or siblings or partners to fix what happened years ago， our pasts will keep us stuck。 Changing our relationships to the past is a staple of therapy。 But we talk far less about how our relationship to the future informs the present too。 Our notion of the future can be just as powerful a roadblock to change as our notion of the past。 。。。 "We tend to think that the future happens later， but we're creating it in our minds every day。 When the present falls apart， so does the future we had associated with it。 And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists。 But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future， we remain stuck in place， in perpetual regret。" "。。。。 if I live in the present， I'll have to accept the loss of my future [as planned]。""If they had learned anything， it was that life is the very definition of uncertainty。""Anger is the go-to feeling for most people because it's outward-directed - angrily blaming others can feel deliciously sanctimonious。 But often it's only the tip of the iceberg， and if you look beneath the surface， you'll glimpse submerged feelings you either weren't aware of or didn't want to show: fear， helplessness， envy， loneliness， insecurity。 And if you can tolerate these deeper feelings long enough to understand them and listen to what they're telling you， you'll not only manage your anger in more productive ways， you also won't be so angry all the time。Of course， anger serves another function - it pushes people away and keeps them from getting close enough to see you。""As the late psychotherapist John Weakland famously said， 'Before successful therapy， it's the same damn thing over and over。 After successful therapy， it's one damn thing after another。""In other words， therapy is about understanding the self that you are。 But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself - to let go of the limiting stories you've told yourself about who you are so that you aren't trapped by them， so you can live your life and not the story you've been telling yourself about your life。"" 'I'm reminded，' he begins， 'of a famous cartoon。 It's of a prisoner， shaking the bars， desperately trying to get out - but to his right and left， it's open， no bar。' " "You are your own jailer。" "Most of us come to therapy feeling trapped - imprisoned by our thoughts， behaviors， marriages， jobs， fears， or past。 Sometimes we imprison ourselves with a narrative of self-punishment。 If we have a choice between believing one of two things， both of which we have evidence for - I'm unlovable， I'm lovable - often we choose the one that makes us feel bad。 Why do we keep our radios tuned to the same static-ridden stations （the everyone's-life-is-better-than-mine station， the I-can't-trust-people station， the nothing-works-out-for-me station） instead of moving the dial up or down？ Change the station。 Walk around the bars。 Who's stopping us but ourselves？" "There is a way out - as long as we're willing to see it。 A cartoon， of all things， has taught me the secret of life。""。。。 freedom involves responsibility， and there's a part of most of us that finds responsibility frightening。""Insight allows you to ask yourself， 'Is this something that's being done to me or am I doing it to myself？' The answer gives you choices， but it's up to you to make them。""Therapists tell their patients: Follow your envy - it shows you what you want。""Even her movements were listless， like the way she sauntered to the sofa in slow motion， a sign of depression known as psychomotor retardation。""Andrew Solomon wrote in the Noonday Demon: 'The opposite of depression isn't happiness， but vitality。' ""What should be accepted and what should be tolerated in my own life？""。。。 regret can go one of two ways: it can either shackle you to the past or serve as an engine for change。""We marry our unfinished business。""。。。 'emotional sobriety' - the ability to regulate one's feelings without self-medicating， whether that medication comes in the form of substances， defenses， affairs， or the internet。""It takes a while to hear a person's story and for that person to tell it， and like most stories - including mine - it bounces all over the place before you know what the plot really is。""What makes night within us may leave stars。" - Victor Hugo"Sometimes 'drama，' no matter how unpleasant， can be a form of self-medication， a way to calm ourselves down by avoiding the crises brewing inside。""Maybe everything they complain about isn't actually a problem！ Maybe it's fine the way it is。 Maybe it's even great， like their haircut。 Maybe they'd be happier if they didn't try to change things。 Just be。""If you're talking that much， you can't be listening" and its variant "You have two ears and one mouth; there's a reason for that ratio。""The pyschoanalyst Erich Fromm had made this point more than fifty years earlier: 'Modern man thinks he loses something - time - when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains except kill it。' ""The speed of light is outdated，" she said dryly。 "Today， everybody moves at the speed of want。""I try to wrap my mind around this paradox: self-sabotage as a form of control。 If I screw up my life， I can engineer my own death rather than have it happen to me。 If I stay in a doomed relationship， if I mess up my career， if I hide in fear instead of facing what's wrong with my body， I can create a living death - but one where I call the shots。""。。。 'what-aboutery，' the practice of diverting attention from the difficulty under discussion by raising a different problematic issue。 （"Never mind X， what about Y？"）""Frankly wrote what became an extraordinary treatise on resilience and spiritual salvation， nown in English as Man's Search for Meaning。 In it， he shares his theory of logotherapy as it relates not just to the horrors of concentration camps， but also to more mundane struggles。" "He wrote， 'Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances。' ""Because at the end of the day， love wins。 Always remember that， girls。""。。。 the stages of change are such that you don't drop all of your defenses at the same time。 Instead， you release them in layers， moving closer and closer to the tender core: your sadness， your shame。""There's no hierarchy of pain。 Suffering shouldn't be ranked， because pain is not a contest。" "。。。 by diminishing my problems， I was judging myself and everyone else whose problems I had placed lower down on the hierarchy of pain。 You can't get through your pain by diminishing it， he reminded me。 You get through your pain by accepting it and figuring out what to do with it。 You can't change what you're denying or minimizing。 And， of course， often what seem like trivial worries are manifestations of deeper ones。""。。。 you can't mute one emotion without muting the others。""Sometimes a therapist will deliberately 'prescribe the problem' or symptom that the patient wants to resolve。 A young man who keeps putting off finding a job might be told in therapy that he can't look for a job; a woman who won't initiate sex with her partner might be told not to initiate it for a month。 This strategy， in which the therapist instructs patients not to do what they're already not doing， is called a paradoxical intervention。 。。。。 Once patients realize that they're choosing a behavior， they can examine the secondary gains - the unconscious benefits it offers （avoidance， rebellion， a cry for help）。""Research shows that people tend to remember experiences based on how they end。""Recently， she said she was thinking about time travel。 She'd heard a radio show about it and shared a quote she loved， a description of the past as 'a vast encyclopedia of calamities you can still fix。' ""The nature of life is change and the nature of people is to resist change。""The more you welcome your vulnerability，" Wendell had said， "the less afraid you'll feel。""Failure is part of being human。""Almost is always the hardest， isn't it？" she said one afternoon。 "Almost getting something。 Almost having a baby。 Almost getting a clean scan。 Almost not having cancer anymore。" I thought about how many people avoid trying for things they really want in life because it's more painful to get close to the goal but not achieve it than not to have taken the chance in the first place。"Wendell once pointed out that we talk to ourselves more than we'll talk to any other person over the course of our lives but that our words aren't always kind or true or helpful - or even respectful。 Most of what we say to ourselves we'd never say to people we love or care about 。。。""First you will do， then you will understand。""In therapy we say， Let's edit your story。" 。。。more
Tina
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