When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress
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- Create Date：2021-06-13 10:51:13
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Gabor Maté
- ISBN：0676973124
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Summary
In this accessible and groundbreaking book--filled with the moving stories of real people--medical doctor and bestselling author Gabor Maté shows that emotion and psychological stress play a powerful role in the onset of chronic illness， including breast cancer， prostate cancer， multiple sclerosis and many others， even Alzheimer's disease。
When the Body Says No is an impressive contribution to research on the physiological connection between life's stresses and emotions and the body systems governing nerves， immune apparatus and hormones。 With great compassion and erudition， Gabor Maté demystifies medical science and， as he did in Scattered Minds， invites us all to be our own health advocates。
When the Body Says No is an impressive contribution to research on the physiological connection between life's stresses and emotions and the body systems governing nerves， immune apparatus and hormones。 With great compassion and erudition， Gabor Maté demystifies medical science and， as he did in Scattered Minds， invites us all to be our own health advocates。
Reviews
Henry
，
- For a very long time， medicine considers mind and body dualism: that those don't interact with each other- However， modern medicine believe otherwise。 There's a strong evidence that stress can cause numerous problems， from heart to autoimmune disorder- When we're stressed， body release hormones to make things operate more efficiently。 However those are meant for short term。 When human are dealing with chronic stress， body would confuse itself and attack itself- Chronic stress are known to lead - For a very long time， medicine considers mind and body dualism: that those don't interact with each other- However， modern medicine believe otherwise。 There's a strong evidence that stress can cause numerous problems， from heart to autoimmune disorder- When we're stressed， body release hormones to make things operate more efficiently。 However those are meant for short term。 When human are dealing with chronic stress， body would confuse itself and attack itself- Chronic stress are known to lead to many fatal and chronic autoimmune disorders- Balance is key - no excess of positive nor negative thinking is good 。。。more
Nicole
，
A really excellent book。 Docked a star bc sometimes it dragged and sometimes it got too medical for me to understand， despite him saying it was written for lay people in mind， so it's possible I just remain completely ignorant to anything math or science related。 Also this book has made it clear my husband WILL die unless he chills out which is kind of a bummer A really excellent book。 Docked a star bc sometimes it dragged and sometimes it got too medical for me to understand， despite him saying it was written for lay people in mind， so it's possible I just remain completely ignorant to anything math or science related。 Also this book has made it clear my husband WILL die unless he chills out which is kind of a bummer 。。。more
Ono Mergen
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An eye-opening read
Shreya
，
A wonderful book that is truly thought provoking and insightful。 Helps understand beautifully that a lot many diseases are not just a result of biochemical malfunction but how and what environment both within （thoughts， feelings， sensations etc） and external plays a role。 You can find yourself in this book。。。I am sure everyone will be able to relate and find few of their own patterns/family dynamics to some extent （doesn't mean you meet the criteria of the disorder under which these patterns are A wonderful book that is truly thought provoking and insightful。 Helps understand beautifully that a lot many diseases are not just a result of biochemical malfunction but how and what environment both within （thoughts， feelings， sensations etc） and external plays a role。 You can find yourself in this book。。。I am sure everyone will be able to relate and find few of their own patterns/family dynamics to some extent （doesn't mean you meet the criteria of the disorder under which these patterns are discussed）Enjoy the book！ 。。。more
Caroline Xhaferri
，
I have to say I really enjoyed the message of the book and the insight on stress on the body。 I watched Mate speak on YouTube and jumped to buy his book to learn more about what he had to say。 He provides stories of his patients and their upbringings tied with a plethora of science/biology backing to explain the correlation between trauma and the illnesses they experiencedAlthough I enjoyed the book I have to say half way through I found it quite exhausting and emotionally draining。 With every o I have to say I really enjoyed the message of the book and the insight on stress on the body。 I watched Mate speak on YouTube and jumped to buy his book to learn more about what he had to say。 He provides stories of his patients and their upbringings tied with a plethora of science/biology backing to explain the correlation between trauma and the illnesses they experiencedAlthough I enjoyed the book I have to say half way through I found it quite exhausting and emotionally draining。 With every other chapter， it added onto the emotional exhaustion and brought little value to the entire book。 It became repetitive and the science too technical。 。。。more
Allie
，
An incredibly well-researched and accessible book which illustrates， beyond doubt， how stress and repressed emotions disarm the immune system and lead to physical disease。 Intelligent， heavily science-based， and compassionate。 This book has solidified my intuitive beliefs about health – namely that symptoms are loving messages from the body， not inexplicable punishments – with compelling case studies and irrefutable evidence。 It has taught me that body， mind， and emotions are completely insepara An incredibly well-researched and accessible book which illustrates， beyond doubt， how stress and repressed emotions disarm the immune system and lead to physical disease。 Intelligent， heavily science-based， and compassionate。 This book has solidified my intuitive beliefs about health – namely that symptoms are loving messages from the body， not inexplicable punishments – with compelling case studies and irrefutable evidence。 It has taught me that body， mind， and emotions are completely inseparable， and that deep healing only occurs when all bodily systems are tended to in harmony。 。。。more
Jess Erhart
，
Honestly， I’d give 5 stars for the content but the writing itself is pretty redundant imo so it’s a 4 overall。 Really good research on how stress affects our bodies。 I learned a lot。 Ready to go back to fiction though 😂
Wendy
，
“A therapist once said to me， “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment， choose the guilt every time。” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since。 If a refusal saddles you with guilt， while consent leaves resentment in its wake， opt for the guilt。 Resentment is soul suicide。"Love this doctor and love this book。 Once， when I was having dinner with a prominent oncologist， he commented that he "had never met a mean cancer patient。" I queried this and he stated that repres “A therapist once said to me， “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment， choose the guilt every time。” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since。 If a refusal saddles you with guilt， while consent leaves resentment in its wake， opt for the guilt。 Resentment is soul suicide。"Love this doctor and love this book。 Once， when I was having dinner with a prominent oncologist， he commented that he "had never met a mean cancer patient。" I queried this and he stated that repressed emotion was deadly and created the environment for disease。 That was 25 years ago。 And now this beautiful little book has fallen into my hands and Gabor Mate explores and extols this extraordinary perspective and line of inquiry。 Maté gives us plenty of examples and cases， also quotes numerous studies。 But what shines through is Maté's humanity and compassion。 Just the simple questions that he asks his patients when they tell of years of tolerated trauma and abuse: "Couldn't you say No？" No， many people can't and it is costly。Stress seems to be the currency of the day and many people tolerate it until their bodies or minds say no。 This work is a warning。 Unfortunately， one that many will ignore。Important reading。"Negative thinking allows us to gaze unflinchingly on our own behalf at what does not work。We have seen in study after study that compulsive positive thinkers are more likely to develop disease and less likely to survive。 Genuine positive thinking — or， more deeply， positive being — empowers us to know that we have nothing to fear from truth。 “Health is not just a matter of thinking happy thoughts，” writes the molecular researcher Candace Pert。 “Sometimes the biggest impetus to healing can come from jump-starting the immune system with a burst of long-suppressed anger。” Anger， or the healthy experience of it， is one of the seven A’s of healing。 Each of the seven A’s addresses one of the embedded visceral beliefs that predispose to illness and undermine healing。” 。。。more
xmilkshakex
，
Hungarian-Canadian doctors 😫🥵。 I loved this so much and it was so informative and soothing， because of my flare ups and weird symptoms my body will sometimes get。 I am definitely gonna remember this book for the rest of my life。 Thank you Gabor <33 Ily
Wendy
，
The first few chapters through chapter 5-ish provided insightful information based on scientific research。 The bulk of the next several chapters contained what the author referred to as the best part of the book: testimonies of his patients or people he knew cataloging their disfunctional relationships and （according to the author's not-so-subtle conjecture） their resultant chronic illness。 The last chapter finally gave the author's suggestion of "O。K。， now what do we do about it？" And， honestly The first few chapters through chapter 5-ish provided insightful information based on scientific research。 The bulk of the next several chapters contained what the author referred to as the best part of the book: testimonies of his patients or people he knew cataloging their disfunctional relationships and （according to the author's not-so-subtle conjecture） their resultant chronic illness。 The last chapter finally gave the author's suggestion of "O。K。， now what do we do about it？" And， honestly， not all of his 7 A's were homeruns。 What would have been stronger， in my opinion， were for those suggestions to have been culled from and backed up by the same type of scientific research used in the first chapters of the book。 The writing， by my standards of the English lanuage， was done well。 That plus the first 5 chapters = 3 stars。 。。。more
Megan Bowers
，
Firstly， my critiques: This book feels like it needs a good editor。 Often， I felt like both the patient anecdotes as well as some of the scientific descriptions went into too much detail and went on too long。 I think many of the messages of the book could be delivered more succinctly and in a way that is easier to read - perhaps more in the style of modern self-help books。 I found it hard to read some of the anecdotes that describe painful experiences in so much detail。 Also， though the personal Firstly， my critiques: This book feels like it needs a good editor。 Often， I felt like both the patient anecdotes as well as some of the scientific descriptions went into too much detail and went on too long。 I think many of the messages of the book could be delivered more succinctly and in a way that is easier to read - perhaps more in the style of modern self-help books。 I found it hard to read some of the anecdotes that describe painful experiences in so much detail。 Also， though the personal stories are powerful， it seems like the authour sometimes uses them as strict evidence and jumps to his conclusions based on the them （though of course I'm sure he's basing his conclusions on all of his experiences dealing with patients）。That said， this book is convincing in its argument that stress in our lives affects our physical health and illnesses。 It also offers some very real and powerful insights into how our upbringing and relationships can affect our beliefs and behaviours， often resulting in internal stress。 This idea that stress can be a caused by repressed emotions is really interesting and powerful - repression that we may not even realize until we reflect on the messages we have internalized and the roles we take on in our lives。 This book made me reflect deeply - it was like good therapy where you really get into all the family stuff and trauma and unspoken beliefs you have adopted。 I would 100% recommend it for this reason alone。 One last critique is that although there is a chapter at the end that goes over the "Seven As of Healing" I really wish that it provided more concrete recommendations on where to go once you have become aware of these stressors in your life。 Perhaps a subject for another book？ 。。。more
Didu
，
Learn to say NO。It makes me wanna cry of how many times I’ve wanted to say no and said yes instead。 How many times I could had invested money， time， love in myself and not in other people I didn’t even want to be a part of my life。 But those times had set。I am no longer living for other people’s happiness but my own。 My time is not a free resource anymore and that healed me more than my therapist had ever tried to。 To be fair， she wasn’t my type of therapist to begin with， if I would said no the Learn to say NO。It makes me wanna cry of how many times I’ve wanted to say no and said yes instead。 How many times I could had invested money， time， love in myself and not in other people I didn’t even want to be a part of my life。 But those times had set。I am no longer living for other people’s happiness but my own。 My time is not a free resource anymore and that healed me more than my therapist had ever tried to。 To be fair， she wasn’t my type of therapist to begin with， if I would said no then too， maybe today I would have had a better experience with therapy。 Never too late to try again though。 Gabor Mate talks about this phenomenon in his book called When the body says no。 He talks about how if we never say no， and we always do what others want， our body will be forced to say no for us in the form of illness。 I’m reading this book to avoid that， as you should as well。 I also think that unspoken emotions， unfelt feelings are damaging for the mind， soul and for the body in the long run。 The pressure you feel when your nice attitude puts you in hard situations isn’t worth it and you know it， this book isn’t a seldom for peace and an antistress life but it makes so much sense。 I think anyone should read it， at any age， several times because we need a constant reminder to live in harmony and peace of mind and this book delivers it in a fast and factful pace。I think you should read this book to fucking realise how others take you for granted on a daily basis， I think you should read this book to realise how awful it is to take someone for granted， for each end to see the super harmful effects。 I think you should read this book to STOP on each end。 Stop being a people pleasure when people are out of the question anyway， live for yourself。It makes me wanna cry because I’ve been there， maybe I still am but I’m pushing through。 This book isn’t some “bullshit” on spirituality， it has nothing to do with it。 It’s here for a reason and I couldn’t recommend it enough。 It should be read by anyone。 。。。more
Anita Répásy
，
Olvasmányos， érdekes， tudományos。 Aki szeret önismereti könyveket olvasni， kötelező olvasmány。
Kian。ting
，
Hidden physiological stress is dangerous， have to deal with it before it becomes too late。 I have learned from Gabor that if you mentally tune out stress doesn’t mean physiological stress isn’t taking place in the body and being aware of that requires us to connect our mind back with our body。
Jennie
，
Amazing read。 Fascinating yet logical information about the tie between stress and disease。 Will be reading his other books。
Madalina Duma
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“I never get angry， I grow a tumor instead” - From this Woody Allen quote it develops to an entire galaxy of stories related to repressed anger， denial of vulnerability and other issues alike， found to be in common for people with certain illnesses。 This book tells so many stories， that is easy to relate at least to some of them。 This is how I learned that my main coping style is compensatory hyper independency。 Overall， I found it very useful and insightful！Some fragments I highlighted: « Emot “I never get angry， I grow a tumor instead” - From this Woody Allen quote it develops to an entire galaxy of stories related to repressed anger， denial of vulnerability and other issues alike， found to be in common for people with certain illnesses。 This book tells so many stories， that is easy to relate at least to some of them。 This is how I learned that my main coping style is compensatory hyper independency。 Overall， I found it very useful and insightful！Some fragments I highlighted: « Emotionally draining family relationships have been identified as risk factor for virtually every category of major illness from degenerative neurological conditions to cancer and auto immune disease。 The purpose is not to blame parents or previous generations。 Not blaming others but TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for one’s RELATIONSHIPS。 It is no small matter to ask people with newly diagnosed illness to begin to examine their relationships as a way of understanding。 »« Leaving it unresolved will continue to create ongoing sources of stress that will generate more illness。 No matter what the patient may attempt to do for himself， the psychological load he carries will not be eased without a clearheaded， passionate appraisal of the most important relationships in his life。 » 。。。more
Jaymie
，
Took me awhile to finish this book， definitely not an easy quick read， but， it was a very good one。 This book is essential for everyone to read， to show us how many connections there are between our actions in life and the medical issues we （may） face in life。
Carol Willis
，
Much wisdom here， I believe。
Alaíde Ventura
，
Este libro es un game changer。 Supongo que no se sostiene， me vale。 Lo puedo leer como un relato， igual que leo el resto de mi pop science。 Tiene mucho de metafórico y de sentido común， pero las líneas que se establecen （yo las establecí， no están en el libro） entre la práctica médica de Maté y la aceptación-vacuidad-impermanencia （¿pop budhism？ jaja） tienen todo el sentido para mí。
Alexandra
，
Cu cât trece timpul， cu atât mai clar înțeleg că fiecare carte trebuie citită la timpul ei。Cartea încearcă， cu ajutorul exemplelor， să arate cum emoțiile impactează apariția bolilor。Din păcate， ne vom regăsi și noi printre pagini。 Din fericire， dacă ne recunoaștem tiparul， poate ne putem ajuta。
Maleah
，
"What is in us must come out， otherwise we will explode at all the wrong places or become hopelessly hemmed in by frustrations" I haven't read a book by Gabor Maté that didn't completely floor me， and this might just be his best one yet。 His work is critical to the fields of both medicine and psychology， but I highly recommend this book to anyone living an unhealthy， stressful lifestyle。 It's a dense read， but a necessary and crucial one。 In it he discusses the connection between repressed emot "What is in us must come out， otherwise we will explode at all the wrong places or become hopelessly hemmed in by frustrations" I haven't read a book by Gabor Maté that didn't completely floor me， and this might just be his best one yet。 His work is critical to the fields of both medicine and psychology， but I highly recommend this book to anyone living an unhealthy， stressful lifestyle。 It's a dense read， but a necessary and crucial one。 In it he discusses the connection between repressed emotion （typically due to trauma and/or unhealthy attachments） and one's physical and psychological health， making astounding links between the former and diseases such as cancer， multiple sclerosis， rheumatoid arthritis， autoimmune disorders， diabetes， Alzheimer's， and more。 Getting in touch with our inner worlds and expressing feelings we worry others might disapprove of might not completely prevent us from getting one of these sometimes deadly diseases （biology and genetics do play a role， as well）， but doing so might drastically reduce our chances， improve our immune functioning， and calm our stressed out bodies and nervous systems。 "Health rests on three pillars: the body， they psyche and the spiritual connection。 To ignore any one of them is to invite imbalance and disease"-p。281 。。。more
Ninja*
，
very interesting， loved all the examples of people and their life journeys。。 the only downside was that it was partly too scientific for me， but in general a very recommendable book :-）
Gonny
，
Interessante inzichten hoe stress effect heeft op bepaalde ziekten en karaktereigenschappen。
Sonia Ingram
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3。5 stars。Interesting read about the connection between the nervous and immune systems。 Written by a physician and contains a lot of patient stories。 References multiple small scale studies presenting findings as fact rather than observation。 I liked the general message and hearing about the patients。 A few points resonated with me， but I felt like the narrative often drifted into psychobabble and I lost interest。
Soniuca
，
It's incredible how many "aha！" moments I had while reading this one。 It was a whole journey。。。 and really made me question everything I knew about disease。 Must read。 I love Gabor Maté's work so so much！ It's incredible how many "aha！" moments I had while reading this one。 It was a whole journey。。。 and really made me question everything I knew about disease。 Must read。 I love Gabor Maté's work so so much！ 。。。more
Harmen Kahlon
，
Great book with recent research completed to support the assertions made。 However， he mentions Landmark and they seem like a cult。
Ana Stanciu-Dumitrache
，
O carte plină de informații valoroase dacă nu ai mai citit despre subiect。 Nu m-a surprins și nu pot spune ca am aflat ceva nou， știam cât de mult ne afectează stresul încă din copilărie și cum corpul nostru dezvoltă diverse boli ca urmare a luptei cu acest factor extrem de important în viața noastră， de care din păcate nu prea ținem cont。Poate o să râdeți când o să auziți că multe forme de cancer apar la oameni care mănâncă echilibrat și fac sport， pe fondul unor evenimente traumatice din copil O carte plină de informații valoroase dacă nu ai mai citit despre subiect。 Nu m-a surprins și nu pot spune ca am aflat ceva nou， știam cât de mult ne afectează stresul încă din copilărie și cum corpul nostru dezvoltă diverse boli ca urmare a luptei cu acest factor extrem de important în viața noastră， de care din păcate nu prea ținem cont。Poate o să râdeți când o să auziți că multe forme de cancer apar la oameni care mănâncă echilibrat și fac sport， pe fondul unor evenimente traumatice din copilărie și a stresului cronic， dar Gabor Mate vorbește în cunoștință de cauză， din experiența pacienților lui și împărtășește niște rezultate cel puțin interesante ale cercetărilor sale， pentru cine e interesat și deschis să le primească， evident。 。。。more
Bethany
，
I may come back and edit this review， but briefly I want to remind future me that I bought this for my colleague， a doctor， and I had initial knee-jerk reactions of dismissal and disbelief - but the further I read， the more the studies and the evidence stacked up in favour of the author's words。 It makes a lot of sense。 I may come back and edit this review， but briefly I want to remind future me that I bought this for my colleague， a doctor， and I had initial knee-jerk reactions of dismissal and disbelief - but the further I read， the more the studies and the evidence stacked up in favour of the author's words。 It makes a lot of sense。 。。。more
Mariko
，
Very intriguing！ The author argues that a combo of specific genes， environment， trauma/stress， and personality cause specific diseases。 It definitely makes me reflect on my baggage and if it has contributed to my health problems。
Andrea
，