Nonfiction

Notes on Grief

Notes on Grief

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  • Create Date：2021-05-25 12:51:10
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
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  • Author：Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
  • ISBN：1039001556
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Summary

From the globally acclaimed， best-selling novelist and author of We Should All Be Feminists， a timely and deeply personal account of the loss of her father。

Notes on Grief is an exquisite work of meditation， remembrance， and hope， written in the wake of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's beloved father's death in the summer of 2020。 As the COVID-19 pandemic raged around the world， and kept Adichie and her family members separated from one another， her father succumbed unexpectedly to complications of kidney failure。

In this extended essay， which originated in a New Yorker piece， Adichie shares how this loss shook her to her core。 She writes about being one of the millions of people grieving this year; about the familial and cultural dimensions of grief and also about the loneliness and anger that are unavoidable in it。 With signature precision of language， and glittering， devastating detail on the page--and never without touches of rich， honest humor--Adichie weaves together her own experience of her father's death with threads of his life story， from his remarkable survival during the Biafran war， through a long career as a statistics professor， into the days of the pandemic in which he'd stay connected with his children and grandchildren over video chat from the family home in Abba， Nigeria。 In the compact format of We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele， Adichie delivers a gem of a book--a book that fundamentally connects us to one another as it probes one of the most universal human experiences。 Notes on Grief is a book for this moment--a work readers will treasure and share now more than ever--and yet will prove durable and timeless， an indispensable addition to Adichie's canon。

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Reviews

Jenny ，

Lovely， heartbreaking， and reaches deep down to the heart of grief。

Luciana ，

Notas sobre o luto é a obra na qual Chimamanda compõe em palavras a dor e tudo o que acometeu a si e a família com a partida precoce do pai。 De maneira que a autora se despe da autoridade que possui e passa a narrar desde o cotidiano da família pós-pandemia， à perda e também as lembranças daquele que um dia foi o mais gentil e integro componente da vida da autora。Com um retrato preciso， ela questiona as etapas do luto， como vivê-lo， como aceitar o que ocorreu， quais rituais é preciso ou não se p Notas sobre o luto é a obra na qual Chimamanda compõe em palavras a dor e tudo o que acometeu a si e a família com a partida precoce do pai。 De maneira que a autora se despe da autoridade que possui e passa a narrar desde o cotidiano da família pós-pandemia， à perda e também as lembranças daquele que um dia foi o mais gentil e integro componente da vida da autora。Com um retrato preciso， ela questiona as etapas do luto， como vivê-lo， como aceitar o que ocorreu， quais rituais é preciso ou não se passar， como， por fim， lidar com o verbo que passa a ser conjugado não mais no presente。 É， portanto， uma obra onde a autora honra a memória do pai， ao passo que também se abre acerca da dor da sua partida。 Uma retrato sensível。 。。。more

Jubi ，

I felt the grief。

Ken ，

This is a very nice tribute to her father， however there is a lot of jumping around and intermixing of events and thoughts that doesn't add to the continuity and flow of the overall subject of grief。 And her handling of the grief she feels。 I realize that this is a book of notes on grief，but I feel it should still follow the theme and be helpful for others。 I've also Lost my father and my mom is declining quickly， so I can understand the confusion this circumstance causes， but as her father was This is a very nice tribute to her father， however there is a lot of jumping around and intermixing of events and thoughts that doesn't add to the continuity and flow of the overall subject of grief。 And her handling of the grief she feels。 I realize that this is a book of notes on grief，but I feel it should still follow the theme and be helpful for others。 I've also Lost my father and my mom is declining quickly， so I can understand the confusion this circumstance causes， but as her father was organized in his life he would want his daughter to accept his death and stay focused on perfecting hers Overall a good read 。。。more

Maheen Zahid ，

“Grief is a cruel kind of education。 You learn how ungentle mourning can be， how full of anger。 You learn how glib condolences can feel。 You learn how much grief is about language， the failure of language and the grasping for language。”

Inês Lóio ，

“Transbordo de espanto e incredulidade por o carteiro continuar a trazer correio como sempre e por as pessoas me convidarem para falar não sei onde e por aparecerem notícias regularmente no ecrã do meu telemóvel。 Como é possível o mundo continuar em movimento， a inspirar e expirar， inalterado， enquanto na minha alma se instalou uma dispersão permanente？”

Lailie Winne ，

“Pouco importa se eu quero ser mudada， porque estou mudada。 Uma voz nova faz força para vir à luz na minha escrita， cheia da proximidade que sinto em relação à morte， da consciência da minha própria mortalidade， uma trama muito delicada， muito claramente presente。 Uma urgência nova。 Uma impermanência no ar。” “Um dos muitos componentes notáveis do luto é a criação da dúvida。” Esse é o tipo de livro que eu gostaria de ter lido há 7 meses。 Mas entendo que tenha lido ele agora。 Não dói menos， só dói “Pouco importa se eu quero ser mudada， porque estou mudada。 Uma voz nova faz força para vir à luz na minha escrita， cheia da proximidade que sinto em relação à morte， da consciência da minha própria mortalidade， uma trama muito delicada， muito claramente presente。 Uma urgência nova。 Uma impermanência no ar。” “Um dos muitos componentes notáveis do luto é a criação da dúvida。” Esse é o tipo de livro que eu gostaria de ter lido há 7 meses。 Mas entendo que tenha lido ele agora。 Não dói menos， só dói diferente。 É muito estranho falarmos sobre quem perdemos no passado， se ela está presente diariamente。 。。。more

Sanjana Ganesh ，

In short chapters， Adichie as always captures emotions that I've struggled to put into words for 14 years。 Grief is wild。 The only way we can control it is through memories but it takes time to get there。 Today， this book is important for me to read because I can control flittering thoughts on loss。 It maybe important for you too。 In short chapters， Adichie as always captures emotions that I've struggled to put into words for 14 years。 Grief is wild。 The only way we can control it is through memories but it takes time to get there。 Today， this book is important for me to read because I can control flittering thoughts on loss。 It maybe important for you too。 。。。more

Dev ，

En Octubre del 2020 perdí a mi abuelo。 Mi papá。 Un héroe ante mis ojos。 Conocido por ser directo， llegando a ser seco。 Si no le gustabas， no tenias el honor de entrar a su casa o de dirigirle la palabra。 Complicado， de mal carácter y brusco para muchos， pero para mi un modelo a seguir。 Alguien que no perdía tiempo con banalidades y valorizaba a quienes se esforzaban para entenderlo。 Sufrimos por varios años por inúmeras enfermedades， cirugías， idas al aeropuerto y supuestas sentencias de muerte。 En Octubre del 2020 perdí a mi abuelo。 Mi papá。 Un héroe ante mis ojos。 Conocido por ser directo， llegando a ser seco。 Si no le gustabas， no tenias el honor de entrar a su casa o de dirigirle la palabra。 Complicado， de mal carácter y brusco para muchos， pero para mi un modelo a seguir。 Alguien que no perdía tiempo con banalidades y valorizaba a quienes se esforzaban para entenderlo。 Sufrimos por varios años por inúmeras enfermedades， cirugías， idas al aeropuerto y supuestas sentencias de muerte。 Se me dijo constantemente que ese día llegaría y hubo veces que hasta bromeábamos sobre ello， por qué ¿cómo podría morir？ Superó constantemente todas las expectativas y pensé que moriría solo y cuando quisiera， por que “hierba mala no muere” Quisiera decir que estaba preparada， ya que sabía que era una posibilidad， pero no fue así。 Aún recuerdo la llamada de su “primera muerte” el día de mi cumpleaños， 1 de septiembre。 Justo cuando llegó mi torta de cumpleaños que había pedido por delivery。 Rompí en llanto。 Horas después， cuando ya era de noche， supe que consiguieron reanimarlo。 Después de ese incidente， las últimas semanas son borrosas。 Ahora sé que los desahuciados adquieren un aire etéreo， casi como si volvieran a ser niños。 En esas últimas semanas， mi padre viajó para verlo， al igual que mi tía， pero yo no pude。 Se me prohibió viajar por la pandemia y al ser menor de edad no pude hacer otra cosa sino rendirme ante de la idea de reencontrarlo。 Cuando murió， tampoco pude ir。 Entiendo a Chimammanda， que también no pudo asistir al entierro。 Me pasó lo mismo。 Me pasó lo mismo cuando no pude verlo en sus últimos días y en su entierro。 También tenía un pasaje comprado con meses de antelación。 Si no fuera por que cerraron fronteras dos semanas antes de mi vuelo， podría haber ido。 Maldito sea este virus y mi falta de dinero para viajar antes。 Por mucho tiempo， después de su muerte， me eché la culpa por no visitarlo con frecuencia y Dios， como me gustaría retroceder en el tiempo。 Volvería a su casa， almorzaríamos a las doce en punto， en nuestros asientos específicos。 Le pediría coca cola y aunque no le gustaba， tendría una botella escondida para mi。Me es doloroso recordar que ya no está aquí y reconozco que evito hablar del tema， casi como si quisiera creer que aún está entre nosotros。 Cada vez que alguien comenta alguna memoria duele。 Duele como el infierno。 ”Estoy escribiendo sobre mi padre en el pasado， y no puedo creer que esté escribiendo sobre mi padre en el pasado” Me encanta esta escritora， no me canso de decirlo。 Me hizo llorar desde el inicio hasta el final。 。。。more

Anita ，

* Read for the 2021 Around the Year in 52 Books Challenge task: A book by an author on USA Today's list of 1oo Black Novelists You Should Read * Read for the 2021 Around the Year in 52 Books Challenge task: A book by an author on USA Today's list of 1oo Black Novelists You Should Read 。。。more

M ，

A devastating， beautiful， slim book。 I *ache* for Adichie。 This is a book I will return to when I am mourning。 You really feel her pain， her shock， her inability to move past her father now being a "past tense。" You can feel how lovely he was， how much pride he had for her， and how he shaped her。 The way she describes grief， as almost leaving one life behind and entering another that is radically， excruciatingly， painfully different--and how she doesn't know how to live as a *person* who is now A devastating， beautiful， slim book。 I *ache* for Adichie。 This is a book I will return to when I am mourning。 You really feel her pain， her shock， her inability to move past her father now being a "past tense。" You can feel how lovely he was， how much pride he had for her， and how he shaped her。 The way she describes grief， as almost leaving one life behind and entering another that is radically， excruciatingly， painfully different--and how she doesn't know how to live as a *person* who is now painfully different （"I came undone" in this "vicious uprooting"） is incredibly moving。 What I appreciated most was how tactile she describes grief as; it is a physical thing that swarms your body， holds you down， makes you feel like you cannot move forward。Some of my favorite passages:"Is this what shock means， that the air turns to glue？" （5）"You learn how much grief is about language， the failure of language， and the grasping for language" （6）"Another revelation: laughter is tightly braided into our family argot" （9）"How is it the world keeps going， breathing in and out unchanged， while in my soul there is a permanent scattering？" （12）。 "Grief is forcing new skins on me" （13）"It does not matter whether I want to be changed， because I am changed。 A new voice is pushing itself out of my writing， full of the closeness I feel to death， the awareness of my own mortality， so finely threaded， so acute。 A new urgency。 An importance in the air。 I must write everything now， because who knows how long I have？" （66）"Grief has， as one of its many egregious components， the onset of doubt。 No i am not imagining it。 Yes， my father was truly lovely" （67）。 。。。more

Keeley Dibb ，

Anyone who has endured grief will know the never healing process， usually too painful to put into words。Chimamanda Ngozi Adichies' account of her father passing during the covid pandemic is an all too familiar reminder if the pain of loss。 Beautifully written and heartbreaking 。 To the people who lost a love one during the uncertain times of the pandemic， with limited visitations， lack of funerals and family， the dissolve of closure and the never ending fear。 I'm sorry。 Anyone who has endured grief will know the never healing process， usually too painful to put into words。Chimamanda Ngozi Adichies' account of her father passing during the covid pandemic is an all too familiar reminder if the pain of loss。 Beautifully written and heartbreaking 。 To the people who lost a love one during the uncertain times of the pandemic， with limited visitations， lack of funerals and family， the dissolve of closure and the never ending fear。 I'm sorry。 。。。more

Ara ，

Absolutamente increíble。 He llorado mientras lo leía， me he sentido reflejada en muchas ocasiones。 Pero sobretodo es desgarrador sentir como esas palabras vienen desde el más profundo dolor de un corazón。 Esta autora siempre me hará pensar， sentir y ver la vida de una manera distinta。

Jess Rowan ，

Not really a rate-able book。

Karris Hamilton ，

An honest， raw， important essay which describes so well the overwhelming nature of grief。

Hauwa Samaila ，

Adichie comes from a close-knit family， as she’s always quick to point out， and so when I learnt of the passing of her father， I was devastated。 My mind quickly went back to the time when he was kidnapped; how she later narrated his fits of long silences and the so many indignities he had to go through。 I cannot describe exactly how I felt when I heard about her mother’s passing， shortly after her father’s。 I do not even the know the point of this review， I just know I felt a sense of loss， cons Adichie comes from a close-knit family， as she’s always quick to point out， and so when I learnt of the passing of her father， I was devastated。 My mind quickly went back to the time when he was kidnapped; how she later narrated his fits of long silences and the so many indignities he had to go through。 I cannot describe exactly how I felt when I heard about her mother’s passing， shortly after her father’s。 I do not even the know the point of this review， I just know I felt a sense of loss， considering she had brought us along through some of their darkest days。 I did not learn anything while reading this; one does not exactly prepare for grief， learn how to grieve。 And sadly there’s enough to go round。 It’s just that I felt a sense of loss。 I still do。 。。。more

Luis Chinaski ，

"¿Quizá el amor， aunque sea inconscientemente， conlleva la arrogancia engañosa de creerse a salvo de la pena？" "¿Quizá el amor， aunque sea inconscientemente， conlleva la arrogancia engañosa de creerse a salvo de la pena？" 。。。more

Brenda ，

“We don’t know how we will grieve until we grieve”。 （P。 65）

Nicola ，

With her typical mastery of word craft， Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie beautifully and articulately describes grief in a way that is both personal and universal。 This is a one-sitting read in which you are invited into the world of the author’s intimate pain， yet comforted in the way she describes the humanness of a devotion so tender。

Christina ，

This book is a very intimate look into Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s family life and her relationships with her immediate family， specifically her father。 She details the passing of her beloved father in 2020， during the COVID-19 pandemic， and how she is processing the grief associated with his passing。 She provides some advise， some humor， some sadness， some longing， and some memories as she shares this very personal experience with us， her readers。 Notes on Grief is more than just a recounting of This book is a very intimate look into Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s family life and her relationships with her immediate family， specifically her father。 She details the passing of her beloved father in 2020， during the COVID-19 pandemic， and how she is processing the grief associated with his passing。 She provides some advise， some humor， some sadness， some longing， and some memories as she shares this very personal experience with us， her readers。 Notes on Grief is more than just a recounting of her father’s passing or how she’s processing the grief， she is also sharing advise and anecdotal stories to help ease anyone else that might be going through a death of a loved one。 Though this may not be the intention of this book， to help ease grief， her writing puts you in a place where you can relate wholeheartedly and take something away that can be applied immediately。 Reading this book automatically stirred emotions inside of me， as I’ve also lost a beloved father， and her writing soothed a place inside of me that made me want to share and relive the memories of my father， instead of being consumed by near-constant sadness that was normal for me。 It took 7 years to finally confront my grief from the loss of my father。 I had previously denied the fact that my dad was no longer here。 Although I had my memories， they were not enough to ease my pain in the loss of my dad。 I was utterly undone in my pain。 I had always， for some odd childhood reason， believed my parents would live forever。 I was not ready to experience the loss of a parent at 20 years old。 I was just at the age where their adult advise would have gladly been received at a more highly receptive rate than in my teenage years。 I had never really seen my dad get sick in ways that debilitated him， ever， in life。 This man， who never took sick days off， was being taken to the hospital and never to return home。 He spent 4 months in the hospital before he died， and 3 of those months I spent in Marine Corps bootcamp。 The last time I had seen him was a few days before I was expected to report to bootcamp。 He had looked unwell。 My mother had taken him to the emergency room。 She called later that night to say that they were keeping him for observation。 He never came back home。 This book provides the language I wish I had at the time of my father’s death。 This book explains so much about the grieving process in ways that totally relate to me， and it helps me process a bit more through this lifelong adjustment of missing my father。 I believe that grief never leaves。 We just adjust to it。 There will always be a void where that person used to fit， but CNA assures us that there is no ‘right way’ to grieve。 You just do。 No two persons are the same， and you should have grace with yourself during this process。 “It is an act of resistance and refusal: grief telling you it is over and your heart saying it is not; grief trying to shrink your love to the past and your heart saying it is present。” I really enjoyed a small peek into CNA’s life and relationship with her father。 This memoir of sorts will always ring loud in my mind as I continue to process through the loss of my own father。 This is a book that you could read in a matter of minutes， hours， to days， to weeks if you wanted。 Her writing pulls you inside， allows you to observe， motivates you to look within yourself， pulls on your memories and experiences and then ties everything together in a thoughtful package to ponder on for days。 This short piece of work showcases CNA’s impeccable writing， and her very thoughtful care she allows us to witness in this memoir of her time with her father prior to his passing。 I would recommend this book to others who have lost a parent or loved one and would like something that could help them relate to the emotions they may be experiencing。 5 stars。 Thank you to Emily at Alfred A。 Knopf and to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for my gifted copy。 。。。more

Margaret ，

I unintentionally read three memoirs this week that focus on grief--the loss of a husband， the loss of a mother， and in this book， the loss of a father。 In this book， the author's father dies during the pandemic （not from the coronavirus）， so the author's story is very much of the time--seeing family over zoom and trying to make funeral arrangements with restricted traveling and social distancing。 I think this book could be given to a person grieving when you don't know the words to say。 It's sh I unintentionally read three memoirs this week that focus on grief--the loss of a husband， the loss of a mother， and in this book， the loss of a father。 In this book， the author's father dies during the pandemic （not from the coronavirus）， so the author's story is very much of the time--seeing family over zoom and trying to make funeral arrangements with restricted traveling and social distancing。 I think this book could be given to a person grieving when you don't know the words to say。 It's short and deep at the same time。This is probably more of a 4。5 star book， but I rarely round up to 5 stars。 。。。more

Patricia Burgess ，

Adichie’s father died unexpectedly in June 2020。 She was crushed， blindsided by the pain， both physical and emotional， of grief。 The difficulty of travel to Nigeria added to her heart ache， not being with him before he died or with her family immediately after the death。 The book is a eulogy， of sorts， to him， through the tears and anger and sadness of him no longer being present。

Lucía ，

3。5

Nadha ，

"A cataclysmic hole now gapes open in your life， a part of you snatched away forever"The fact that grief of some kind is universal does not surprise me。 But what does， is the similarities in the ways in which grief is acknowledged， experienced， and dealt with。 The accuracy of the metaphors， is at once astonishing and a blessing。 I am grateful for writers putting for into words feelings I have felt， and the thoughts I have thought。This book is both a beautiful eulogy to a gentle and kind father， "A cataclysmic hole now gapes open in your life， a part of you snatched away forever"The fact that grief of some kind is universal does not surprise me。 But what does， is the similarities in the ways in which grief is acknowledged， experienced， and dealt with。 The accuracy of the metaphors， is at once astonishing and a blessing。 I am grateful for writers putting for into words feelings I have felt， and the thoughts I have thought。This book is both a beautiful eulogy to a gentle and kind father， and a meditation on grief and healing。 It's short， succinct and wildly impactful。 。。。more

Jess。 ，

My father died exactly one month after （but on the same date） as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's father， so reading Notes On Grief was a very personal thing for me and i wish I could thank Adichie personally because in in her words， in our shared experience of having lost a father， i found solace and comfort。 So many parallels in our feelings and thoughts and in the ways we grieved。 My own grief felt seen and it felt understood and it felt validated and it felt a kinship that made me feel less alone， My father died exactly one month after （but on the same date） as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's father， so reading Notes On Grief was a very personal thing for me and i wish I could thank Adichie personally because in in her words， in our shared experience of having lost a father， i found solace and comfort。 So many parallels in our feelings and thoughts and in the ways we grieved。 My own grief felt seen and it felt understood and it felt validated and it felt a kinship that made me feel less alone， because someone else understood me in ways that felt like a soothing balm to my soul。 This book made me cry so many times but it felt cathartic every time。 This book is exactly what I needed。 If you've ever lost a loved one， especially a parent - specifically a father， go read this book。 It understood me in ways that were so cathartic。 This book helped me and i hope it helps you too。 💖 。。。more

Marden Zelaya ，

It reads like a diary， with some entries more moving and effective than others。

Ulvi ，

I feel that I cannot rate someone’s grief。

Prashanthi Kadambi ，

Such a moving and emotional read。 Grief is such a complex thing， and the author does full justice to it in writing about her father's death， especially in the context of a pandemic。 The wonderful memories that somehow feel bittersweet， the condolences that mean well but ring hollow， the utter disbelief at how life can change in a heartbeat， and the woeful permanence of this change。 Anyone who has lost someone really close will resonate with this book。 P。S: it's really short for a book though。 Co Such a moving and emotional read。 Grief is such a complex thing， and the author does full justice to it in writing about her father's death， especially in the context of a pandemic。 The wonderful memories that somehow feel bittersweet， the condolences that mean well but ring hollow， the utter disbelief at how life can change in a heartbeat， and the woeful permanence of this change。 Anyone who has lost someone really close will resonate with this book。 P。S: it's really short for a book though。 Comes across as a longish essay。 。。。more

Sulthana ，

short， yet painful。 entry 3 is Adichie at her best。 demands moments to sit back。

Nasska Reyes ，

Me hizo rememorar lo fuerte que puede ser la pérdida de un ser querido。 El no tener a tu lado a esa persona，el no volver a escucharla，ni verla ni sentirla。Cualquier duelo es fuerte y duro

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Notes on Grief

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Notes on Grief&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Notes on Grief&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0