The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-05-07 10:55:40
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Chris MacLeod
- ISBN：0994980701
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
You think your social life could be better。 You've felt shy as long as you can remember。 Your conversations have more awkward moments than you'd like。 Maybe you don't need a ton of friends， but you'd like to have some people to hang out with on occasion。 You want to make changes， but you don't know where to start。 Lots of people have been in your shoes， so you're hardly a lost cause， and it's never too late to turn things around。 The Social Skills Guidebook gives you insights into your interpersonal struggles and behaviors， and offers hands-on advice for developing and improving your people skills。
The Social Skills Guidebook goes into detail about solving the three core areas that hold people back socially:
1） Mental barriers including shyness， social anxiety， and low self-confidence
2） Less developed conversation skills
3） A lack of friends and an unsatisfying social life
If you look at the people who are socially comfortable in your school or workplace and want what they have， know that you can achieve social success like theirs without losing yourself in the process。 You can remain true to your personality and pursue your favorite interests while conquering the attitudes that hold you back， improving your conversation skills， and learning how to make friends。 With practice， time， and patience， you can create the kind of social life you want for yourself。
The Social Skills Guidebook covers topics including:
- Changing counterproductive thinking that stands in the way of your social confidence
- Becoming comfortable with your social fears by facing them in a gradual， manageable way
- Improving your self-esteem
- Navigating the different parts of a conversation
- Getting past awkward silences
- Interacting in one-on-one and group conversations
- Learning how to listen to others and respond appropriately
- Identifying other people's nonverbal cues and being aware of your own
- Finding potential friends and making plans with them
- Deepening your friendships
- Keeping your progress going
- Improving your social skills if you have Asperger's syndrome
The Social Skills Guidebook is written by Chris MacLeod， the author of the extensive， well-visited， free site on interpersonal skills SucceedSocially。com。 This book contains all of the site's key advice in a tight， organized， polished package。
The Social Skills Guidebook goes into detail about solving the three core areas that hold people back socially:
1） Mental barriers including shyness， social anxiety， and low self-confidence
2） Less developed conversation skills
3） A lack of friends and an unsatisfying social life
If you look at the people who are socially comfortable in your school or workplace and want what they have， know that you can achieve social success like theirs without losing yourself in the process。 You can remain true to your personality and pursue your favorite interests while conquering the attitudes that hold you back， improving your conversation skills， and learning how to make friends。 With practice， time， and patience， you can create the kind of social life you want for yourself。
The Social Skills Guidebook covers topics including:
- Changing counterproductive thinking that stands in the way of your social confidence
- Becoming comfortable with your social fears by facing them in a gradual， manageable way
- Improving your self-esteem
- Navigating the different parts of a conversation
- Getting past awkward silences
- Interacting in one-on-one and group conversations
- Learning how to listen to others and respond appropriately
- Identifying other people's nonverbal cues and being aware of your own
- Finding potential friends and making plans with them
- Deepening your friendships
- Keeping your progress going
- Improving your social skills if you have Asperger's syndrome
The Social Skills Guidebook is written by Chris MacLeod， the author of the extensive， well-visited， free site on interpersonal skills SucceedSocially。com。 This book contains all of the site's key advice in a tight， organized， polished package。
Reviews
Muhammad Agustiuddin
，
Well， not a bad read。 I have felt and been in most cases explained in this book。 For someone who wasted his college life being socially inept， I wish I read this book when I was in high school。
Anthony
，
It is a good overview of social skills， with common sense advice on how to get better。 Some thoughts I found useful:- To make more friends， join clubs with a core group of regulars- Hang out with people who are more like you- Focus on a social skill at a time - Make time for socializing - Confidence comes from knowing yourself， and what you stand for in this life- Do work that is meaningful for you - Dress up！- " Someone who’s trying to walk all over you may not appreciate it when you stand your It is a good overview of social skills， with common sense advice on how to get better。 Some thoughts I found useful:- To make more friends， join clubs with a core group of regulars- Hang out with people who are more like you- Focus on a social skill at a time - Make time for socializing - Confidence comes from knowing yourself， and what you stand for in this life- Do work that is meaningful for you - Dress up！- " Someone who’s trying to walk all over you may not appreciate it when you stand your ground， but overall， people will tend to like and respect you more when they see you have a backbone and healthy boundaries。"- Assertiveness is standing up for your own rights in a respectful way。 - "standard piece of assertiveness advice is that if you’re asking someone to stop doing something that bothers you， you should phrase your message so it keeps the focus on you and how you’re feeling。"" Spend time with people in organized settings such as lessons， clubs， or teams。 Try making some friends with the people in your area。 Your social circle doesn’t only have to include people from your school。 Check out what’s going on in your part of town。" 。。。more
Davec
，
Some solid advice in here - but here are the most prescient points I took away - 1） Don't avoid rejection - learn how to deal with it by reframing your experiences and your expectations of people。2） Practice and risk taking are the keys to achieving social success。There's no magic pill for the socially awkward， but there are lots of good tips for various situations。 Worth a read， and hardback is recommended over the audible edition， simply because it's easier to refer back to certain things。 Some solid advice in here - but here are the most prescient points I took away - 1） Don't avoid rejection - learn how to deal with it by reframing your experiences and your expectations of people。2） Practice and risk taking are the keys to achieving social success。There's no magic pill for the socially awkward， but there are lots of good tips for various situations。 Worth a read， and hardback is recommended over the audible edition， simply because it's easier to refer back to certain things。 。。。more
Joanne
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I need be reminded how to talk to people after 2020 x
Azyyati Awanis
，
Probably very helpful for someone who has a really bad social skills。 Authors used easy and direct sentences， so it is very easy to understand and to reach goals/objective。 Light-reading。
Imran Syed
，
We， as human beings， have a basic need to talk and socialize。 Thus， there is no need to be shy of accepting such a need。 Be friendly and more outgoing， without getting too sensitive and brooding over your social performance。 The comments of other people should matter， but only to the extent that you improve from them; not that they reflect your core values or the judgement of your being。 If some negative comment comes related to your social interaction， it indicates only that your particular ski We， as human beings， have a basic need to talk and socialize。 Thus， there is no need to be shy of accepting such a need。 Be friendly and more outgoing， without getting too sensitive and brooding over your social performance。 The comments of other people should matter， but only to the extent that you improve from them; not that they reflect your core values or the judgement of your being。 If some negative comment comes related to your social interaction， it indicates only that your particular skill should be polished; it doesn't indicate that your core values are inherently flawed at all or you yourself are deficient at human being level。 Improve， improve， improve。 That's the only lesson we should learn from social interaction。 Any other judgement passed on your social interaction or your perception about yourself in a negative way is of no help in any way whatsoever。 。。。more
Irfan Arif
，
One of the top skills in today's world is communication - the way we talk， express our views， and present our ideas to others。 Leaders often lead NOT because they have outstanding managerial skills but they can talk to people and make them understand what the leader wants to convey。 It is key to success but not everyone knows the art， and unfortunately including me。 I wanted to start a book on shyness and conversation skills， luckily this book came on the top。 The book was started as a blog but One of the top skills in today's world is communication - the way we talk， express our views， and present our ideas to others。 Leaders often lead NOT because they have outstanding managerial skills but they can talk to people and make them understand what the leader wants to convey。 It is key to success but not everyone knows the art， and unfortunately including me。 I wanted to start a book on shyness and conversation skills， luckily this book came on the top。 The book was started as a blog but the author turned into a book; the author Chris Macleod have a psychology degree but he wrote this because of his problems with shyness and anxiety， which made it stronger to spend time on as it is from someone who had learned social skills by himself。 Some of my points are as follows。 Anxiety will not go at all， but somehow you have to deal with it。 That means you have to live with it， like Covid-19， we had adjusted to new ways of life - although Pakistani are undeterred and the same but the world has been changed。 Anxiety will make you feel fearsome and pessimistic but one has to determine his priority and move besides what the comfort zone is telling。 Challenging anxiety can be hard but being honest about it in front of others can be of the same nature。 However， if one learns to acknowledge and admit one's problems， it is then one might be able to feel good about it and will work on it by taking the actions despite the visible flaws。Humans are thinking and curious machines。 If one does not guide its thinking pattern， it will think for you。 How will your mind think？ it does by emotions and the secretion of hormones。 The most important emotion that our ancestors have given us is the fight and flight response， the defense mechanism; defense from the alleged harm。 Therefore in the meantime， our mind creates myths， thinking patterns， and assumptions that it thinks is helpful but is counterproductive。 That is why no action in the field will give any result unless we do not work on our wholesome perspective on life。 These myths， assumptions， and beliefs about oneself should be challenged and in return give a gift of a balanced and positive approach that is based on rationale and logic， to experience the life we want。 We have to understand nobody hates or loves us completely， there will be people who love and some will hate and many will be neutral， assuming because I am scared all hates me is the myth that should be let go。 One particular mindset emphasized is that we should not fight our anxieties but rather learn to live with it。 This will helps us in familiarizing ourselves with the unwanted situation and thus will enable us to accept that beyond our curiosity， fear dies。 This is especially true for me。 I always Jump into a scary situation to get myself adjusted to the new place and environment。 However， despite that， it should not be abrupt to prompt the flight and fight mood but rather well thought of Jump with the right mindset。 Childhood trauma remains with people throughout life， that is why it needs to be healed or if it is coming from ancestors， then breaking the chain of that inter-generational trauma。 It is necessary to ascertain the psychological problem as many wonders why some tricks work for one。 while failing for others despite the hard work， it is because we are not using the appropriate medicine neither exact problems are identified。The author beautifully described the importance of physical exercise that has a paramount impact on the mental well being， it mentioned: "Regular exercise alone can sometimes do as much to quell anxiety as months of therapy。" Meditation， exercise， and hobbies that engage human facilities and mind is the healthiest and easiest way to cope with mental health problems。The problem with these social problems is that it is not an easy task to change it immediately， it takes time and action。 Anxiety can not be removed fully， but it can be reduced。 This reduction will be gradual， not abrupt; this gradual reduction in one's life demands a change in the lifestyle and day to healthy day activities and of interest to the anxious person。 Meditation or exercise is the healthiest amongst many， as it is said that regular exercise can a good alternative to months of therapy。There are other methods to use to curb fears like diving in abruptly， however， gradually familiarising yourself with your fears， in the long run， helps too。 Reducing fears and insecurities through Real-World experiences。 The second way to counter the counterproductive thinking is to learn from real-life experiences that challenge pre-existing beliefs with a practical rebuttal through life experiences。 One strategy is to fake a thing till you make it， meaning forcing yourself to accept an unwanted situation， paving the way for positive behavior introducing an overall mentality。 Breaking down fear into its hierarchy of intensity from least scary to most scary helps in the identification of fears to be faced on a priority basis until you familiarize enough with the activity。 People often converse with people who have a friendly nature and outlook and avoid arrogant people。 People talk to those who show a deep interest in that person。 Conversation with people is an art， and that art is learned through talking to people。 The author divided his books into two parts; one that addresses anxiety and mental preparedness and then goes on to the tip and techniques of how to have conversations with people and make friends。 The details can only be seen in the book as it is many neither I could choose one technique which should be followed as everyone works in their way。 The book is full of information， that can not be applied in one go but one has to apply each and everything in real life。 Therefore it needs constant coming back to relevant chapters。 It was based on social life yet it failed to address public speaking， however， I can not judge its goodness or badness based on just reading it。 It did help me realized my shortcomings to gradually learn and reform myself。 Lastly， I saw a chapter on Asperger's syndrome that can seriously hamper someone's social life。 It was worth reading。 。。。more
Denise
，
Good book on handling social situations and making friends。 More practical suggestions and tips than other books。
Romualds
，
Well structured， but pretty basic。
Sami
，
The book hammers the point that to combat fear， you must expose yourself to it in small doses。 That is about the only thing I took away from the book。 It definitely needed more applications and more thorough explanations。
Riza Jumola
，
I’m only half-way through but I can say that this book is a life changer。 It is filled with practical approaches to social anxiety and can really change your perspective in humanity。
Kechich
，
• I’ve just finished this book。 At first， My reading progress was so slow， maybe because a lot of informations seemed so common and already known ， In other words， nothing special。 then when I started the second part all of sudden things became more interesting and much useful。• I suggest this Book for people who look for• improving their social skills， and getting more confident 。 Happy reading
Kristy Leone
，
I found this book to be very helpful。 I struggle to maintain an active social life in adulthood （mainly due to anxiety and a little bit of laziness on my part too 😅）。 I’ve already used this book to better the quality of existing relationships and hope to use it again （once quarantine has ended） to start some new friendships too。I gave this book 3 stars because at times the reading can be a little cut and dry。 There were some parts where I felt like I was reading an instruction manual。 However， t I found this book to be very helpful。 I struggle to maintain an active social life in adulthood （mainly due to anxiety and a little bit of laziness on my part too 😅）。 I’ve already used this book to better the quality of existing relationships and hope to use it again （once quarantine has ended） to start some new friendships too。I gave this book 3 stars because at times the reading can be a little cut and dry。 There were some parts where I felt like I was reading an instruction manual。 However， the book does give good instruction on how to develop and maintain relationships and I would recommend if you are struggling with such a thing。 。。。more
Matt Partlow
，
I work in the mental health field and read this book as a way to help me help my patients。 If you feel like you have zero social skills and zero friends， then this is a book for you。 Or it could help you help someone else with their social life， like your kids or if you're in a similar field as myself。My agency has a skills group regarding how patients can， to put it succinctly， make themselves more likeable so as to make friends。 I loathe the DBT material for handouts we have as I （and my colle I work in the mental health field and read this book as a way to help me help my patients。 If you feel like you have zero social skills and zero friends， then this is a book for you。 Or it could help you help someone else with their social life， like your kids or if you're in a similar field as myself。My agency has a skills group regarding how patients can， to put it succinctly， make themselves more likeable so as to make friends。 I loathe the DBT material for handouts we have as I （and my colleagues） found it all quite odd and unhelpful， such as nearly half of it giving tips on how a patient can insert themselves into a group they've never met before。 "Is the group close together in proximity or spaced apart？ If the latter， gradually slide yourself in and insert yourself into the conversation。" I can think of very few occasions where I've seen that work， but it wasn't enough to be profoundly helpful and worth discussing in a 50min group session， especially if our patients don't even like going to places of mass gatherings like parties and clubs （which a lot of them understandably don't）。So， I used handouts I made from the book， "How to Win Friends and Influence People，" by Dale Carnegie which was very helpful， but there was one problem。 The book was mostly geared towards people who had average social skills and social circles， and wanted to improve them。 Many of our patients have neither， so my research led me to the Social Skills Guidebook， which helps one starting from scratch。It addresses important areas， such as is the reader very anxious， depressed， etc？ If so， then it would be wise to address that first before making friends since mental health issues can be an obstacle to making friends。 Example， everyone experiences some level of anxiety， but if one's anxiety controls how they think， what they say， and do， such as believing everyone at a house party hates them because of a few facial expressions one perceives as being judgmental， which makes this person act defensive when interacting with others they feel judged by， then making friends at this point might not be plausible even if they've read Carnegie's book twice。 Even still， the book discusses the types of cognitive distortions that can come up in social situations and how to address them in the moment because you don't have to be perfectly mentally healthy in order to be worthy of friends。 And the book asks good questions such as are you empathic in an emotional way or cognitive way？ There is no proper way to be empathetic regarding those choices， the book is just trying to increase self-awareneas to set up the reader for as much success as possible before diving into how to improve one's social life。When it does dive in， it does not presume to give one a proven formula on how to make friends。 Rather， it gives the reader a myriad of practical ideas， possibilities， and reassurances provided they're willing to try socializing and acknowledging that not every idea is going to work and it will take experimenting， time， and patience from the reader for their efforts to pay off。 It keeps in mind the different areas one might be in， such as school， living in a small town， volunteering， living with parents， work， meetup。com and even addresses those with Asperger Syndrome/Autism Spectrum Disorder in a later chapter。As someone who has cultivated various friendships from all kinds of walks of life and comparing those experiences to this book， there is no way one cannot make new friends if they apply the Guidebook's principles。 The results won't be immediate， but worthwhile relationships take time to develop。 I refrain from giving this book a perfect rating because I believe there was more to say regarding how to actually get people to like you。 For example， one of the principles in Carnegie's book is remembering people's names。 Pretty simple， not a special tactic thought up by Carnegie， and not a difficult thing to explain。 Yet， the Guidebook never mentions this simple rule in the entire 353 pages I read。 Be a good listener， smile， etc。 I believe there was more to state that could have gone a long way and only have taken maybe an extra 10 pages to say。 。。。more
Douglas Thames
，
The book was exceptionally poor。 It lacked a clear program to develop any positive change。 It was not inspirational or informative。 Definitely only a popcorn money maker！
Yuting Leong
，
Applicable right of the bat。 In the beginning， the book frees your mind on misconceptions you have that are holding you back。 The main sections of the book is like a standard operating procedure on how to deal with situations - no nonsense， no concepts， just do。 The last part of the book is more like FAQs for those extraordinary circumstances in which you wish there's someone to ask what to do。 Applicable right of the bat。 In the beginning， the book frees your mind on misconceptions you have that are holding you back。 The main sections of the book is like a standard operating procedure on how to deal with situations - no nonsense， no concepts， just do。 The last part of the book is more like FAQs for those extraordinary circumstances in which you wish there's someone to ask what to do。 。。。more
John Doe
，
Well researched book， but it seems that the author often repeats the same points by paraphrasing it。 Some parts are really helpful。 But most of the book just states the obvious。 I personally feel that more than a guidebook， this is a descriptive book， which informs the reader about the possible social scenarios that one might face。
J
，
Incredibly useful。I have moderate social skills。 I skimmed the first section of the book， but the second and third were useful for me。While a lot of the book was “common sense” or at least recognizably normal behaviours， reading it in the book helped boost my confidence I was doing things right and explicitly labelling behaviours made things I was doing naturally more concrete。I expect to find myself returning to a sections I’ve identified as most important for me to improve my skills。
Walker
，
A lot of this seemed over simplistic。 At times， I expected the book to suggest that， if you want talk to people you need to try moving your mouth while simultaneously exhaling。 I also felt like a lot of the advice was of the "draw an owl" variety， where the author would essentially suggest that you have better conversations by making sure that your conversations are better。The presentation also wasn't great。 At times， I felt like I was reading someone else's notes on this book。 I also listened t A lot of this seemed over simplistic。 At times， I expected the book to suggest that， if you want talk to people you need to try moving your mouth while simultaneously exhaling。 I also felt like a lot of the advice was of the "draw an owl" variety， where the author would essentially suggest that you have better conversations by making sure that your conversations are better。The presentation also wasn't great。 At times， I felt like I was reading someone else's notes on this book。 I also listened to the audiobook， which didn't help。 There was something about the combination of the writing and the narrator's voice that made me think I was getting advice on how to fit in from that Steve Buscemi meme。Tl;dr - read "How to Be Yourself" instead。 。。。more
Brooke
，
Didn't really tell me anything that I didn't know Didn't really tell me anything that I didn't know 。。。more
Arthur
，
I was going into that one assuming I have almost autism-level problems with socializing， but this book seems to mostly be common sense for me。 I guess I’m not that bad。 Time to practice then。
Taylor
，
Perfect guide book for social skills。 Good material for socially anxious people and a good refresher for introverts who have already been working on these skills
Craig
，
Great overview of social skills and networking。 Dint find it much more useful than the free information at succeedsocially。com。
Joshua
，
Chris MacLeod has written a concise and complete guide to improving your social life。 The directions are easy to understand， practical to implement， and give the shy reader a sense of hope for a fulfilling social life。
Donna Baker
，
Some excellent advice， but mostly what we all know already。
Tyler
，
I'm glad I was recommended this！ It helps a lot at work and in public。 I can get more out of interactions using these ideas I'm glad I was recommended this！ It helps a lot at work and in public。 I can get more out of interactions using these ideas 。。。more
Bar Franek
，
I don't know why I have this book， or why I decided to read it。 Overall， I guess it's a great book if your social skills are lacking and you aren't good at making friends。 But if you have the least bit of social awareness and friendliness， then reading this book isn't really necessary。 You might get a couple of good tips out of it but the rest of it is common sense， and not worth the time to read 350+ pages I don't know why I have this book， or why I decided to read it。 Overall， I guess it's a great book if your social skills are lacking and you aren't good at making friends。 But if you have the least bit of social awareness and friendliness， then reading this book isn't really necessary。 You might get a couple of good tips out of it but the rest of it is common sense， and not worth the time to read 350+ pages 。。。more
Alise Redviņa
，
3，5 stars。 Found this through https://80000hours。org/ career guide。 This is no book for those who want to brush up their average or slightly-below-average social skills but for those who have real trouble functioning socially to a degree that it significantly affects their lives and makes them unhappy。 The book has 3 sections - overcoming mental barriers to socializing， conversation skills， forming and maintaining friendships。 Different advice will be adaptable to different people with different 3，5 stars。 Found this through https://80000hours。org/ career guide。 This is no book for those who want to brush up their average or slightly-below-average social skills but for those who have real trouble functioning socially to a degree that it significantly affects their lives and makes them unhappy。 The book has 3 sections - overcoming mental barriers to socializing， conversation skills， forming and maintaining friendships。 Different advice will be adaptable to different people with different problems。 Sometimes the advice seemed a bit too basic or too general （"e。g。 How to be more fun: joke around and be amusing" - k， tnx） and I felt like I'm reading a book meant for aliens called "How to people"。 And sometimes I felt I really am a kind of alien and this is just what I need。 There just are some things that seem obvious to many but that have somehow slipped past a few others。The biggest gains I got from reading this was feeling understood （and also understanding myself better） and motivation （and hopefully courage） to socialize more actively and take matters in my own hands。 So I think this can serve as the right kick in the butt that many people need。 It also makes you aware of areas you need to work on。 Overall， worth a read。 。。。more
Jan Gorman
，
Somewhat repetitive
Kiwi Begs2Differ ✎
，