The Weight of Air: A Story of the Lies about Addiction and the Truth about Recovery
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- Create Date：2021-07-07 06:30:57
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：David Poses
- ISBN：B08XB617N5
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Summary
A groundbreaking memoir of a double life fueled by heroin addiction and mental illness
While his wife and two-year-old daughter watched TV in the living room， David Poses was in the kitchen， measuring the distance from his index finger to his armpit。 He needed to be sure he could pull the trigger with a shotgun barrel in his mouth。 Twenty-six inches。 Thirty-two years old。 More than a decade in a double life fueled by heroin addiction and mental illness。
The Weight of Air chronicles David’s struggle to overcome the depression that led him to opioids as a teenager。 By nineteen， he’d been through medical detox， inpatient rehab， twelve-step programs， and a halfway house， unable to reconcile his experience with conventional wisdom。 He saw his addiction as secondary， as a symptom of depression， but the experts insisted that addiction was the primary problem。 Over the next thirteen years， he went from one relapse to the next， drowning in guilt， shame， and secrets—until he finally found the treatment that saved his life。
With grit and brutal honesty， David shines a bright light on the flaws in our traditional addiction and recovery models， exposing the opioid crisis for what it really is: a convergence of two deadly epidemics。
While his wife and two-year-old daughter watched TV in the living room， David Poses was in the kitchen， measuring the distance from his index finger to his armpit。 He needed to be sure he could pull the trigger with a shotgun barrel in his mouth。 Twenty-six inches。 Thirty-two years old。 More than a decade in a double life fueled by heroin addiction and mental illness。
The Weight of Air chronicles David’s struggle to overcome the depression that led him to opioids as a teenager。 By nineteen， he’d been through medical detox， inpatient rehab， twelve-step programs， and a halfway house， unable to reconcile his experience with conventional wisdom。 He saw his addiction as secondary， as a symptom of depression， but the experts insisted that addiction was the primary problem。 Over the next thirteen years， he went from one relapse to the next， drowning in guilt， shame， and secrets—until he finally found the treatment that saved his life。
With grit and brutal honesty， David shines a bright light on the flaws in our traditional addiction and recovery models， exposing the opioid crisis for what it really is: a convergence of two deadly epidemics。
Reviews
Kathleen Shehan embleton
，
Started this book today and couldn’t put it down until it was finished。 The writing is open and honest， hard to read sometimes because the suffering and depression comes off the page。 Highly recommend this important read。
Kristine
，
The Weight of Air by David Poses is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in early July。Split into chronological parts between 1995-2000， the author David is doing everything to the extreme， even hanging out excessively， when he is brought from New York state to a detox facility， then a halfway house to get clean before going to college and not being so clean （mostly because he uses to even out his emotions and state of mind， plus to heighten productivity）。 He's initially quite doubtful of their st The Weight of Air by David Poses is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in early July。Split into chronological parts between 1995-2000， the author David is doing everything to the extreme， even hanging out excessively， when he is brought from New York state to a detox facility， then a halfway house to get clean before going to college and not being so clean （mostly because he uses to even out his emotions and state of mind， plus to heighten productivity）。 He's initially quite doubtful of their strict policies and how the other patients' experiences don't quite lineup with his， but he’s quick to make friends， nonetheless。 Also， the events of his life are framed and studded with music， living the bougie life， in and out of an urban setting， and shielding his subtle usage of painkillers。 。。。more
michelle
，
The Weight of Air exposes the stigma and general lack of understanding around addiction and mental health。 Struggling with both alone for decades， the author is finally able to get the proper medical care and treatment based on science。 Throughout his story， you can feel the pain and shame felt after being forced through the 'one size fits all' traditional treatment model。 It's no wonder we can't fix the national opioid crisis when evidence-based treatment options and harm reduction efforts cont The Weight of Air exposes the stigma and general lack of understanding around addiction and mental health。 Struggling with both alone for decades， the author is finally able to get the proper medical care and treatment based on science。 Throughout his story， you can feel the pain and shame felt after being forced through the 'one size fits all' traditional treatment model。 It's no wonder we can't fix the national opioid crisis when evidence-based treatment options and harm reduction efforts continue to be stigmatized and restricted - even criminalized in many cases。 The sharing of his journey to recovery is done in hopes it encourages and empowers others to find their way as well。 。。。more
Cindy
，
Wow！ This book is a must read about addiction coupled with depression。 David does a remarkable job uncovering traditional treatment （rehab， higher power， abstinence） isn’t the only answer for those that suffer with these life threatening issues。 The Weight Of Air is well written， honest， raw and humorous at the same time。 A very timely release as the opioid crisis rages across the country taking so many lives。 A real conversation starter for those in the medical industry， treatment facilities an Wow！ This book is a must read about addiction coupled with depression。 David does a remarkable job uncovering traditional treatment （rehab， higher power， abstinence） isn’t the only answer for those that suffer with these life threatening issues。 The Weight Of Air is well written， honest， raw and humorous at the same time。 A very timely release as the opioid crisis rages across the country taking so many lives。 A real conversation starter for those in the medical industry， treatment facilities and for any family dealing with this in their lives。 。。。more
Erinn Bromley
，
Insightful and honest。 It hooked me in right away。 The dance between addiction， mental health and， the illusion of control is portrayed in this poignant story of a "functioning" opiate addict。 Reminded me that harm reduction needs to be a prominent approach to addiction。 Insightful and honest。 It hooked me in right away。 The dance between addiction， mental health and， the illusion of control is portrayed in this poignant story of a "functioning" opiate addict。 Reminded me that harm reduction needs to be a prominent approach to addiction。 。。。more
Daniel Olson
，
It was very valuable to read a well written， first person perspective of what it’s like suffering from depression and turning to substances to try & numb your pain。 I think it’s difficult for people to truly understand depression unless they， or a loved one， has experienced it。 It’s heartbreaking and understandable that often they turn to substances to numb the pain and/or feel anything。 This book provides great insight on the changes that need to be made to the system to remove the stigma & hel It was very valuable to read a well written， first person perspective of what it’s like suffering from depression and turning to substances to try & numb your pain。 I think it’s difficult for people to truly understand depression unless they， or a loved one， has experienced it。 It’s heartbreaking and understandable that often they turn to substances to numb the pain and/or feel anything。 This book provides great insight on the changes that need to be made to the system to remove the stigma & help save lives。 My favorite line is “Alcohol isn’t legal because it’s safer。 It’s safer because it’s legal。” Let’s use this approach with other substances as well and start a movement - it can （and will） save lives！ 。。。more
Laura Keegan
，
If you want to understand addiction and how to help yourself or anyone in your life that is suffering， read this book。 David Poses’ evocative words lay bare his life story， providing a vivid sensory experience for the reader。 Taking in his memoir， you are right there with him from year to year， even day to day， learning why he has drawn the conclusions he has。 Join the conversation David has started。
David Poses
，
Twenty-five years ago， when I railed against faith and abstinence-based treatment and insisted my addiction was a symptom， my views were dismissed as outlier opinion by “experts” with no medical credentials。 Today， faith and abstinence treatment is proven to increase stigma and risk of overdose， death， and relapse， and 95% of opioid addicts are known to have a co-occurring mental health disorder， but 97% in rehab are treated for addiction only。While it’s nice to be able to say my opinions are n Twenty-five years ago， when I railed against faith and abstinence-based treatment and insisted my addiction was a symptom， my views were dismissed as outlier opinion by “experts” with no medical credentials。 Today， faith and abstinence treatment is proven to increase stigma and risk of overdose， death， and relapse， and 95% of opioid addicts are known to have a co-occurring mental health disorder， but 97% in rehab are treated for addiction only。While it’s nice to be able to say my opinions are now irrevocable facts， antiquated models and mentalities continue to obfuscate our ability to see opioid addiction for what it is—and effectively treat it。More than 200 people will die today because every lifesaving， harm-reducing resource is stigmatized， criminalized， or restricted。 Accidental overdose is the leading cause of death for Americans under 50 and addiction， and depression rates are surging。I started writing this book when I realized that by remaining silent， I was actively working against every change I wanted to see in the world。 But change won’t happen on its own。 I’m grateful beyond words for all your support。 。。。more
Lori Hill
，
The Weight of Air pulls back the curtain on the addiction epidemic to reveal a much bigger story about the very real dance between suffering and seeking relief。 This is the conversation starter that is long overdue among healthcare professionals， and within the intimacy of our own family relationships。 In 2015， I lost my brilliant 27 year old son to drug overdose。 While I knew he struggled with depression and anxiety - the depth of his suffering was hidden from me。 I knew alcohol had become a pr The Weight of Air pulls back the curtain on the addiction epidemic to reveal a much bigger story about the very real dance between suffering and seeking relief。 This is the conversation starter that is long overdue among healthcare professionals， and within the intimacy of our own family relationships。 In 2015， I lost my brilliant 27 year old son to drug overdose。 While I knew he struggled with depression and anxiety - the depth of his suffering was hidden from me。 I knew alcohol had become a problem， but never in a million years expected heroin。 I identify so much with the author’s interactions with his mother in my relationship with my own son。 I actually did not know if I could read this book as it felt so personal。 Yet， the honesty was refreshing and bold， so I consumed every word cover to cover。 I believe most of us have an inate awareness when bias and stigma are shutting down the broader discussions we need to have。 David’s book opens this door for us。 I invite you to enter inside and see how the landscape of suffering can be navigated using the latest science， and the wisdom in our own human heart。 For the first time since losing my child I have hope for yours！ Bravo！I read an advance electronic copy for my honest opinion。 。。。more
Maya
，
The Weight of Air is a debut memoir about depression and drug addiction that reads like a fast-paced novel。 The autobiography arrives in bookstores at a critical time in the U。S。 as depression， drug addiction， and opioid use in America are rampant and offers readers a personal view of this landscape。 Author David Poses not only shares his personal story but offers experienced insight， suggestions （and alternatives） to how addiction can be treated beyond the "just say no" types of abstinence prog The Weight of Air is a debut memoir about depression and drug addiction that reads like a fast-paced novel。 The autobiography arrives in bookstores at a critical time in the U。S。 as depression， drug addiction， and opioid use in America are rampant and offers readers a personal view of this landscape。 Author David Poses not only shares his personal story but offers experienced insight， suggestions （and alternatives） to how addiction can be treated beyond the "just say no" types of abstinence programs。 Poses lays bare intimate details about his heroin addiction， his depression， and his friends， lovers， and family connections with honesty， grace， and humor。 This is a timely memoir by an author whose keen observation skills （and willingness to share gritty and brutal details about his life） take the readers on a compelling， terrifying， and ultimately hope-infused journey。 He is a damn good writer， and I look forward to reading his future books。 。。。more
B Silverstein
，
David Poses’ memoir， takes the reader along on an odyssey of emotions and strife， as he reveals his decades long addiction to heroin。 In “The Weight of Air，” （which hangs heavily throughout）， the author reveals an epiphany during a drug prevention assembly when a local policeman reveals the perils of drugs， stating “heroin is the worst， it’s a painkiller so powerful it makes you not feel anything。” Heroin， Poses says， gave him hope， the means to erase the feeling of depression and despair。The au David Poses’ memoir， takes the reader along on an odyssey of emotions and strife， as he reveals his decades long addiction to heroin。 In “The Weight of Air，” （which hangs heavily throughout）， the author reveals an epiphany during a drug prevention assembly when a local policeman reveals the perils of drugs， stating “heroin is the worst， it’s a painkiller so powerful it makes you not feel anything。” Heroin， Poses says， gave him hope， the means to erase the feeling of depression and despair。The author reveals his struggles with depression and an unfulfilled life as the catalyst for his secret affinity to drugs from those who love him unconditionally。 His discourse in relationships and the workplace cause havoc as he battles with disappointing others and as well as himself。 Withdrawing ‘cold turkey，’ Poses remarks， “I thought I deserved to suffer，” a revelation of self inflicted punishment。 A stint at Hazelden complicates his already conflicted self， when he opposes the concept of a “higher being，” as a means for redemption and his rejection of the 12 step program。Heroin has medicinal value to Poses， not only as a means to “get high，” but also as a way to dull his own inner demons。 Relationships are complex and play a major role in his memoir; between son and mother （positive force and sometimes enabler）， father （negligent and removed）， brother （also plagued by addiction）， doctors， counselors， girlfriends， and eventually his wife and children who ultimately become the impetus for finally coming clean and honest。 Poses is an artful writer and the reader becomes invested from the onset。 His infusion of personal conflicts and deeply emotional inner turmoil， are evident， and when he fails， the reader goes along with him。 Honest and truthful， this memoir provides insight into one man’s addiction， but in reality is a vehicle for us all to recognize that those who seek solace in drugs and alcohol are not bad people， but live with an inner complexity。 。。。more
Michele
，
The Weight Of Air exposes a side of opioid addiction that I never knew or understood。 People suffering from pain will do whatever they have to in order to get relief。 They should not be stigmatized and prevented from getting the help they need。 David Poses exposes himself so courageously in this book。 You can empathize with him。 Just when you think he’s got it under control and has found what he needs to be happy， you see that underneath he’s still struggling。 Reading this book， and following Da The Weight Of Air exposes a side of opioid addiction that I never knew or understood。 People suffering from pain will do whatever they have to in order to get relief。 They should not be stigmatized and prevented from getting the help they need。 David Poses exposes himself so courageously in this book。 You can empathize with him。 Just when you think he’s got it under control and has found what he needs to be happy， you see that underneath he’s still struggling。 Reading this book， and following David’s story， has opened my eyes to a crisis I didn’t realize was happening。 We need to look at the mental health crisis in this country differently and stop pushing religious views and judgement upon those suffering。 。。。more
Rosemary Blackburn
，
David Poses has written an eye opening and jarring yet fascinating book that provides a window into the world of those among us struggling with heroin addiction and mental health。 As someone who has lost a loved one to heroin overdose， I have often asked myself how I could have known what was happening in my loved one’s life， and how could I not have known？ This book provides some answers， and is a much needed voice for medication assisted treatment。 I could not put it down。 It is a must read！
Samra Bojanowski
，
Kudos to David Poses for having the courage and willingness to share his important story。 I found it to be well-written and elucidating。 His story can help in the battle to de-stigmatize opioid addiction and medically-assisted treatment （bupenrophine， in David's case）。 Thank you， Mr。 Poses， for speaking out in the midst of an epidemic that is killing tens of thousands of people every year。 Kudos to David Poses for having the courage and willingness to share his important story。 I found it to be well-written and elucidating。 His story can help in the battle to de-stigmatize opioid addiction and medically-assisted treatment （bupenrophine， in David's case）。 Thank you， Mr。 Poses， for speaking out in the midst of an epidemic that is killing tens of thousands of people every year。 。。。more
Winifred
，
This is a book about depression， addiction， and recovery at long last – thanks to suboxone。 But it is also a book about deep shame， honesty， and living a dual life， until you can’t anymore。 David Poses blows up the stigma of addiction and depression and lays bare his truth about some darks times in his life。 I read The Weight of Air in one day and was captivated。 I finished this book amazed by David’s journey and hope it can inspire others。
Susan
，
I will start by saying I avoid memoirs & non- fiction。 I much prefer a fun little story with a neat bow at the end。 That being said ， I enjoyed this book immensely！ The writing is straightforward and easy to follow while remaining interesting。 David brings an undercurrent of humor through his story， which made the hard parts of the book easier for me to read。 He also mixed in other parts of himself， like his love for music， consistently through the story。 I am listening to OK computer while I wr I will start by saying I avoid memoirs & non- fiction。 I much prefer a fun little story with a neat bow at the end。 That being said ， I enjoyed this book immensely！ The writing is straightforward and easy to follow while remaining interesting。 David brings an undercurrent of humor through his story， which made the hard parts of the book easier for me to read。 He also mixed in other parts of himself， like his love for music， consistently through the story。 I am listening to OK computer while I write this。 It is an excellent album。 On a more serious note ， the points made in the book regarding addiction & recovery are spot on。 We need more conversation about how we think about drugs our society has deemed illegal， as well as a seismic shift in how we approach recovery。 。。。more
Caroline Kaye
，
Just finished the book in one sitting。 It was moving， nail-biting， well-written， not to mention important。 I love autobiographies that read like fast-moving novels。 Highly recommend！
Hannah
，
Very poignant and timely memoir given the active opioid crisis。 Incredibly well written and powerful。 It captures an important message in the form of a compelling narrative。 As someone who has not experienced depression it was a very immersive experience as well and a great way to try to understand the struggles with mental health and addiction。
Isela Martinez
，
David Poses' story is one that completely did away with my impressions （or prejudice） of what depression and substance use can be。 Read this book。 It's important。 It is a heartbreakingly honest insight into the suffering of someone who felt they had to hide both a deep depression and heroin use to deal with that depression from everyone in their life for 20+ years。 I got an advance copy in exchange for a review and I finished reading it last night （I would have finished the book in one sitting i David Poses' story is one that completely did away with my impressions （or prejudice） of what depression and substance use can be。 Read this book。 It's important。 It is a heartbreakingly honest insight into the suffering of someone who felt they had to hide both a deep depression and heroin use to deal with that depression from everyone in their life for 20+ years。 I got an advance copy in exchange for a review and I finished reading it last night （I would have finished the book in one sitting if my two young children would have let me）。 Despite the difficult situations described， it was beautifully written。 I am still trying to process just how I will incorporate all I have learned in the span of the last couple of days into my everyday life and work。 As a public health student， studying substance use and the opioid crisis through the lens of a true expert （someone who has been through it） is imperative if we want to truly make a difference through our work。 It is a testament to Recovery and Harm Reduction practices and policies we should be aiming for。On a personal level， I am humbled that David wrote his story for us to read。 While it must have been the hardest thing to finally come clean （in the sense of being honest）， I am also relieved for him that this weight has been lifted。 。。。more
Lauren
，
I definitely recommend this book。 You can feel his struggle and pain。 David is a gifted writer。 I hope this book will educate people on recovery and drug addictions。
Josephine Papp
，
Great book about a terrible addiction。 David was such a smart kid raised by terrible parents。 He used the right amount of sadness and humor 。
Linda Cortright
，
The Weight of Air is a soul-wrenching journey。 It is also impossible to put down。 Trapped in a peripatetic dance of death and duplicity， David Poses is tethered to his heroin addiction。 His family and friends， however， all believe he is now clean and sober。 Written with startling and often comical candor， Poses realizes he can no longer survive in the world he has created。 For many addicts， death is the ultimate escape。 Fortunately， modern medicine has provided another alternative: Suboxone。 It The Weight of Air is a soul-wrenching journey。 It is also impossible to put down。 Trapped in a peripatetic dance of death and duplicity， David Poses is tethered to his heroin addiction。 His family and friends， however， all believe he is now clean and sober。 Written with startling and often comical candor， Poses realizes he can no longer survive in the world he has created。 For many addicts， death is the ultimate escape。 Fortunately， modern medicine has provided another alternative: Suboxone。 It offers both controversy and a “cure。” Poses courageously embraces both。 。。。more
David
，
This is an incredibly moving book， and a timely one。 （Say "opioid crisis" three times fast。） David Poses isn't playing out the familiar story of an addict finding their higher power and "getting clean。" He's exploding that entire paradigm。 His basic formulation is that depression is pain， and that heroin is a painkiller。 We wouldn't stigmatize a heart-disease patient for taking beta blockers; so why do we stigmatize those with serious depression （or other mental health disorders） for taking the This is an incredibly moving book， and a timely one。 （Say "opioid crisis" three times fast。） David Poses isn't playing out the familiar story of an addict finding their higher power and "getting clean。" He's exploding that entire paradigm。 His basic formulation is that depression is pain， and that heroin is a painkiller。 We wouldn't stigmatize a heart-disease patient for taking beta blockers; so why do we stigmatize those with serious depression （or other mental health disorders） for taking the opiates that are killing their pain and， arguably， making it possible for them to live a little longer？ Poses is suggesting that there are countless addicts like himself for whom abstinence is simply not possible。 But there are alternatives， including the drug Buprenorphine， which can be taken indefinitely without like， killing you and stuff。 But this makes it sound as if the book is a graduate thesis on the politics and mores of addiction。 In fact， it is an intimate story told at a thriller's pace。 Poses makes himself vulnerable on every page， and he stares into his own past deceits with painstaking candor and， miraculously， a good deal of （dark） humor。 Best of all， the book （and its author） never give up on the possibility of transcendence。 It might sound a little cheesy， but the book believes in love。 A little light seems to shine at the end of its narrowing tunnel， and Poses （and his readers） race for it。 An extraordinary debut from a writer with enormous gifts， and a reason to use them。 。。。more
Mary Kay
，
David Poses uses his personal experience with drugs to spotlight the need we have to make medications like buprenorphine available and accessible for EVERYONE。 The barriers need to be knocked down for these life-saving meds。 David’s story is almost unbelievable， and yet so important for all of us to know。 Our loved ones are dying everyday and these are preventable deaths due to failed drug policy。 David Poses writes beautifully- definitely a good read
Chesa Rasmussen
，
This is definitely one of the most honest and real accounts of what it is like to live life after going through an in patient rehabilitation center and what life is like after。 I should know， because I lived through it！ I believe this book is so important because it will help people who don’t struggle with addiction every day understand our challenges。 I know it will help the people like us to not feel so alone in the world and the comfort it will bring them to know that others walk in their sho This is definitely one of the most honest and real accounts of what it is like to live life after going through an in patient rehabilitation center and what life is like after。 I should know， because I lived through it！ I believe this book is so important because it will help people who don’t struggle with addiction every day understand our challenges。 I know it will help the people like us to not feel so alone in the world and the comfort it will bring them to know that others walk in their shoes。 I hope that this can save more families from being torn apart by the loss of a loved one from addiction。 This is a MUST read！！！ 。。。more
Katie
，
*I received an ARC through a Goodreads giveaway*I really enjoyed this memoir！ It gives quite the insightful look on addiction and the realities of its lifelong journey。 I want to research some more about the treatment highlighted at the end of the book， as it wasn’t introduced and extremely detailed until the very end。 Overall， a great read！
Jennifer Hopkins
，
I could not put this book down！ It was so well written and intriguing。 His descriptions of his depression and emptiness/nonchalance along with suicidal ideation are exactly how I feel when my depression takes hold。 His depiction of craving， agitation， and then giving in to doing drugs made me feel that along with him even though I’ve never been on opioids or gone through opioid withdrawals。 So may things I liked about this memoir。 I am sorry the author has had to go through all that， and hopeful I could not put this book down！ It was so well written and intriguing。 His descriptions of his depression and emptiness/nonchalance along with suicidal ideation are exactly how I feel when my depression takes hold。 His depiction of craving， agitation， and then giving in to doing drugs made me feel that along with him even though I’ve never been on opioids or gone through opioid withdrawals。 So may things I liked about this memoir。 I am sorry the author has had to go through all that， and hopefully his writing and his activism will help others get the help they need。I would have liked to have learned more about what the new approach was that did work。Thank you to Goodreads Giveaways and the Sandra Jonas publishing company for my advance reader copy。 The above is my honest opinion。 。。。more
Jennifer Hornak
，
David is an outstanding writer。 He wrote this book and told his truth at great personal cost。 We met shortly after my son died of an overdose。 I was completely oblivious to all the ins and outs of Suboxone。 He educated me and held my hand during a dark period。 What I learned is that you need not EVER get off Suboxone。 He is an example of that。 This book will transport you through his life。 While reading this I had to keep telling myself that this really happened to my friend， this is not fiction David is an outstanding writer。 He wrote this book and told his truth at great personal cost。 We met shortly after my son died of an overdose。 I was completely oblivious to all the ins and outs of Suboxone。 He educated me and held my hand during a dark period。 What I learned is that you need not EVER get off Suboxone。 He is an example of that。 This book will transport you through his life。 While reading this I had to keep telling myself that this really happened to my friend， this is not fiction！ Please take the time to read his book。 。。。more
Shirley
，