Nonfiction

Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood

Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood

  • Downloads：1957
  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2022-12-30 11:21:36
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Jessica Grose
  • ISBN：B0B3LKH3NR
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Summary

In this timely and necessary book， New York Times opinion writer Jessica Grose dismantles two hundred years of unrealistic parenting expectations and empowers today's mothers to make choices that actually serve themselves， their children， and their communities

Close your eyes and picture the perfect mother。 She is usually blonde and thin。 Her roots are never showing and she installed that gleaming kitchen backsplash herself （watch her TikTok for DIY tips）。 She seamlessly melds work， wellness and home; and during the depths of the pandemic， she also ran remote school and woke up at 5 a。m。 to meditate。

You may read this and think it's bananas; you have probably internalized much of it。

Journalist Jessica Grose sure had。 After she failed to meet every one of her own expectations for her first pregnancy， she devoted her career to revealing how morally bankrupt so many of these ideas and pressures are。 Now， in Screaming on the Inside， Grose weaves together her personal journey with scientific， historical， and contemporary reporting to be the voice for American parents she wishes she'd had a decade ago。

The truth is that parenting cannot follow a recipe; there's no foolproof set of rules that will result in a perfectly adjusted child。 Every parent has different values， and we will have different ideas about how to pass those values along to our children。 What successful parenting has in common， regardless of culture or community， is close observation of the kind of unique humans our children are。 In thoughtful and revelatory chapters about pregnancy， identity， work， social media， and the crisis of the Covid-19 pandemic， Grose explains how we got to this moment， why the current state of expectations on mothers is wholly unsustainable， and how we can move towards something better。


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Reviews

Ashley ，

2。5 stars。 Listened to the audiobook。 Agreed with the majority of the author’s perspective， but it read like a research paper。 I love reading research papers honestly， but I’m doing that for school…so I’d rather not read them when I don’t have to。 It’s very rant-y， （understandably so with the topic）， so if you’re in the mood for that， go for it！

Mae Moore ，

This book sure let me know that I am not alone in Motherhood。

Abbey ，

Fantastic listen。 Made me angry and want to throw things， but that's about right for my view of the patriarchy anyway。 Fantastic listen。 Made me angry and want to throw things， but that's about right for my view of the patriarchy anyway。 。。。more

Crystal ，

I went into this book looking for a helpful， supportive and insightful book on being a mom and left it feeling unseen， gross， angry and actually screaming on the inside。 A person cannot write a book that focuses on motherhood and then mom shame specific mom instagrammers for simply being blonde or posting a happy family photo。 This book felt very one sided and focused too much on one specific view of motherhood。 I’m not even sure I understood the point of the book - but， maybe I missed it being I went into this book looking for a helpful， supportive and insightful book on being a mom and left it feeling unseen， gross， angry and actually screaming on the inside。 A person cannot write a book that focuses on motherhood and then mom shame specific mom instagrammers for simply being blonde or posting a happy family photo。 This book felt very one sided and focused too much on one specific view of motherhood。 I’m not even sure I understood the point of the book - but， maybe I missed it being that I couldn’t get past the social media chapter at 60%。 Thank you @williammorrowbooks for a chance to read this one。 。。。more

Leslie - Shobizreads ，

I listened to the audio of this book。 It’s relatable from the history to the current realities and struggles of motherhood， but it’s not really hopeful or solution-oriented。 So， it actually just increased my stress levels listening to what I know from looking around at my own life and those of ju coworkers， friends and family members who are moms。

Amber ，

We have so far to go with women's rights。 We have so far to go with women's rights。 。。。more

Meredith ，

I wanted to like this more than I did。 Mayhaps the author and myself are too close to mothering in a pandemic to see/write the arc of this experience with clarity。

Mary ，

I rage-cried my way through this entire book。There are parts where I wanted more or less， purely based on personal preference: for example， fewer personal anecdotes and interviews， more research reporting。 Less social media （while often eyeroll-inducing， this is far from the top of the “things that make me want to scream” part of motherhood）， more about the desperate impracticalities that define the experience of modern motherhood。 Grose does a nice job of being as intersectional as possible and I rage-cried my way through this entire book。There are parts where I wanted more or less， purely based on personal preference: for example， fewer personal anecdotes and interviews， more research reporting。 Less social media （while often eyeroll-inducing， this is far from the top of the “things that make me want to scream” part of motherhood）， more about the desperate impracticalities that define the experience of modern motherhood。 Grose does a nice job of being as intersectional as possible and highlighting the voices of marginalized parents while also acknowledging the privilege she carries as an upper-middle class white woman。 But her lived experiences as a white woman do impact the stories she’s able to tell and the ways in which she’s able to tell them。 I would love to see the counterpart to this book written by a Black or Latina parent。 Grose has more hope than I do that change will come。 I work 2 jobs， 6 days a week， to be able to afford child care for my 2 boys: $2750/month for full time infant care， $500 a month for after school care for my 1st grader。 I sleep maybe 5-6 hours a night。 Literally nothing about this is sustainable。 My husband and I talked for literally YEARS about whether or not we should have another child and whether or not we can afford it （spoiler: we can’t）。 I don’t know where we go from here， other than to keep putting one foot in front of the other， but I know it’s going to be decades at a minimum before we see any substantive policy changes that tangibly improve the lives of mothers， and all I can say is， I hope my Zoloft dosage keeps up with inflation until we get to that point。 。。。more

Elle Morrill ，

Probably more interesting if you’ve never read a book about the struggles parents face before。

Katie Welch ，

Depressing and hopeful， maybe a bit too pandemic focused， but I get why。

Carrie O'Maley Voliva ，

Nothing groundbreaking to a mother living it， unfortunately。

Ali Siggard ，

I am seeing a lot of reviews from people who are uncomfortable with the social media chapter and the tone of the book， in general， so I want to focus my review there。I do NOT feel like her comments were an attack on mommy bloggers…at all。 I believe that the strong reactions are merely an indication of just how sensitive we are in the areas of motherhood and work。 We have every reason to be—this is a subject that is riddled with shame。 Shame that comes from society， other mothers， and our own exp I am seeing a lot of reviews from people who are uncomfortable with the social media chapter and the tone of the book， in general， so I want to focus my review there。I do NOT feel like her comments were an attack on mommy bloggers…at all。 I believe that the strong reactions are merely an indication of just how sensitive we are in the areas of motherhood and work。 We have every reason to be—this is a subject that is riddled with shame。 Shame that comes from society， other mothers， and our own expectations of what motherhood should look like。My interpretation is that she is addressing the fact that these mommy bloggers have created a space where they are making domesticity their livelihood， which is accepted by society as it is within the generally accepted parameters of motherhood （as determined by society）。 Her only criticism is that this image of tidy motherhood is often detrimental to those who do not exist within that same reality。 For mothers working full-time outside the home， single mothers， and others， that type of reality is not necessarily attainable， which contributes to the feelings of shame and failure。 We all are aware of the way that social media-curated motherhood contributes to feelings of shame and failure。 I can say with certainty that we have ALL succumbed to that。 We also can’t get enough of it， which is why these bloggers have become so popular。 It’s a catch 22。 So while the desire to defend the blogger profession is noble， it’s not necessary。 Her inclusion of this content is both timely and relevant。 If we aren’t discussing how this image of motherhood is affecting American motherhood， then we aren’t having the full conversation。I felt that her tone throughout the book is not one of judgement， （another shame-filled trigger word） but that of exasperation。 She argues that the American mother has more expected of her than ever before and limited resources to accomplish it。 She details the ways in which motherhood is antagonized in the workforce， also true。 Jessica thoroughly explains the dynamics at play for the American mother and exactly why it’s unsustainable。 And she’s not wrong。 。。。more

Mariko ，

Not a lot of new info or arguments in here， but a good overview of the topic。 I liked how the penultimate chapter offered hope by profiling a few activist mothers。

R ，

I liked the concept of this book， and to be real the title really caught my eye because “screaming on the inside” was definitely something I felt， particularly in the early days of raising my son when it all felt so immediate and pressuring that what I did would make or break my son’s character in the years to come。 That was an immense pressure to live under and the sad reality is that this persists for not just myself， but almost every mother I’ve had the privilege to meet。That being said， whil I liked the concept of this book， and to be real the title really caught my eye because “screaming on the inside” was definitely something I felt， particularly in the early days of raising my son when it all felt so immediate and pressuring that what I did would make or break my son’s character in the years to come。 That was an immense pressure to live under and the sad reality is that this persists for not just myself， but almost every mother I’ve had the privilege to meet。That being said， while the early chapters were interesting and informative， going back into the history and the role of women in the home and the lives of their families， I found myself less impressed in the subsequent chapters。 For all her insistence on relieving the pressure of motherhood， I found her somewhat judgmental of lifestyles different from her own， particularly those of lifestyle influencers。 I’ve always held what IG influencers say with a grain of salt， so I suppose in that regard its easier for me to think critically about their posts and stories， but I also know that behind the screen they probably struggle as well。 I don’t think its necessary to tear someone down to build yourself up。 。。。more

Chelsie Jensen ，

I regularly read Jessica Grose’s column in The NY Times， so I was excited to see she had a book coming out！ I really enjoyed her writing and felt very seen throughout the chapters。 Motherhood is challenging and the pandemic made it so much harder。 Jessica captures that so well。 I highly recommend this book if you are a parent。 I listened to the audiobook version and I thought it was well-done。Thank you to Libro。fm for this free audiobook。

Sophie | blendi。reads ，

3。5 ⭐️ rounded up ！ I started out loving where this book was going。 The author is a journalist， and it shows。 She seems to have all of her statements and claims backed up by plenty of research， and many parts of this book were incredibly educational。 However， in the second half of the book， it seemed that the author started to get a bit judgemental。 This book is very clearly targeted towards working moms that struggle with balancing working and motherhood due to lack of resources， or towards sta 3。5 ⭐️ rounded up ！ I started out loving where this book was going。 The author is a journalist， and it shows。 She seems to have all of her statements and claims backed up by plenty of research， and many parts of this book were incredibly educational。 However， in the second half of the book， it seemed that the author started to get a bit judgemental。 This book is very clearly targeted towards working moms that struggle with balancing working and motherhood due to lack of resources， or towards stay at home moms that are very clearly unhappy in their role （both of which are completely valid！）。 I am a working mom who in fact struggles with many of the things the author brings up。 I know many stay at home moms who never wanted to give up their career， and are now also struggling。 BUT I also know moms who are simply happy and fulfilled with the work/life balance they do have， or stay at home moms who flourish in that role and wouldn’t wanna change it in the world。 It seems that the latter is an audience the author simply can’t relate to （again， valid， because I， for example can’t relate to that either）， but she didn’t remain unbiased and it simply turned this book into a very one sided essay。 I wish she would’ve been less biased， as she does have some fantastic points and I do believe that there should be more help and resources available for mothers， regardless of whether or not they work or are happy and fulfilled with the life they’re living。 。。。more

Cecelia ，

2。5 stars。 This was。。。 something。 I'm not sure what though。 Maybe informative？ I don't know。 There's just something about it that doesn't quite work for me。 2。5 stars。 This was。。。 something。 I'm not sure what though。 Maybe informative？ I don't know。 There's just something about it that doesn't quite work for me。 。。。more

Isabelle Duchaine ，

I was pretty disappointed - I find her NYT writing very good。 But it's written more as a memoir/blog than as a research piece。 She was also somewhat judgemental about certain motherhood choices and personas。 Also - fascinating that although she mentioned Canada once or twice， she didn't look north for policy solutions。 My daycare fees have dropped by 50% this year， due to unprecedented collaboration between federal and provincial governments。 I was pretty disappointed - I find her NYT writing very good。 But it's written more as a memoir/blog than as a research piece。 She was also somewhat judgemental about certain motherhood choices and personas。 Also - fascinating that although she mentioned Canada once or twice， she didn't look north for policy solutions。 My daycare fees have dropped by 50% this year， due to unprecedented collaboration between federal and provincial governments。 。。。more

Irela Johnson ，

Initially I loved this book， but then it became long winded and I struggled to follow the point。 Too much rambling， not enough substance。 Ugh。 Almost didn’t finish this one。

Emily ，

There was not a ton in here that was new to me， partly because I recently read Essential Labor by Angela Garbes which echoed many of the same themes， and partly because I am often screaming on the inside myself。 Reading this came at the end of a nine day stint of kids being sick。One takeaway was the reminder that the urgent need for childcare is just that - a need that （however easily or however much of a scramble it is） becomes less important to you the minute you secure it。 Her recommendation There was not a ton in here that was new to me， partly because I recently read Essential Labor by Angela Garbes which echoed many of the same themes， and partly because I am often screaming on the inside myself。 Reading this came at the end of a nine day stint of kids being sick。One takeaway was the reminder that the urgent need for childcare is just that - a need that （however easily or however much of a scramble it is） becomes less important to you the minute you secure it。 Her recommendation to overcome this amnesia to support future generations of parents is a good one。Overall， though， I preferred Essential Labor to this book - I think Garbes’ voice was more unique and compelling - and would recommend that book over this one。 。。。more

Shannon ，

A great collection of essays on the struggles of modern mothers and the ways things have both changed and also stayed the same。 Highly relatable and great on audio。 This was a quick read and sure to both provide comfort in community （reinforcing that everyone deals with guilt over not doing enough） and inspire continued activism to fight for better institutional support for working mothers （paid leave， childcare， etc）。 Thanks to Libro。fm for my ALC！

Sarah Ginsberg ，

🎧 Overall， an interesting and compelling take on motherhood and the pressures individuals and society at large puts on mothers。 It did get a bit long-winded and off topic at times， but definitely made me think and has sparked conversations。

Julia ，

I really expected a lot from this book。 I loved the premise but reading it， it wasn’t what I hoped。

Heather ，

A bit rambling and the wrong mix of overwhelming systemic problems with aimless and depressing anecdotes。

M Moore ，

An incredibly relatable book for this season of both motherhood and the time of year。 Every sentence had me nodding in agreement or even shouting， "OMG， yes！ That's it！" This book is deep dive into what so many mothers understand in our soul but are too tired to put into words。 Highly recommend！Thanks to Librofm and HarperAudio for this audiobook。 My thoughts are my own。 An incredibly relatable book for this season of both motherhood and the time of year。 Every sentence had me nodding in agreement or even shouting， "OMG， yes！ That's it！" This book is deep dive into what so many mothers understand in our soul but are too tired to put into words。 Highly recommend！Thanks to Librofm and HarperAudio for this audiobook。 My thoughts are my own。 。。。more

Carrie ，

Not sure if this book is over edited or her incredible breadth of research （many many many notations） was misused， but this fell incredibly flat。 She’s a NYT opinion writer but this felt very hard-hitting USA Today。 Nothing novel or revelatory here。 This will most likely be read by mothers who won’t really find anything helpful other than commiserating。 Everything she mentions has been written about or talked about elsewhere but perhaps with more detail。 It’s almost as if this book could have be Not sure if this book is over edited or her incredible breadth of research （many many many notations） was misused， but this fell incredibly flat。 She’s a NYT opinion writer but this felt very hard-hitting USA Today。 Nothing novel or revelatory here。 This will most likely be read by mothers who won’t really find anything helpful other than commiserating。 Everything she mentions has been written about or talked about elsewhere but perhaps with more detail。 It’s almost as if this book could have been 5x the length but was edited drastically to make it more palatable。 Everything was heavily edited except the social media section which felt very strange to give so much detail and explicit names and influencers。 The taking action section is incredibly surface level and lacking any real direction other than “keep on keeping on being mad because we’re slowly making changes。 “ there are so many powerful grassroots movements started by mothers and she just kind of mentions one or two without stating what has made them so successful。 I guess I repeatedly and， especially after finishing， wondered what the point of this book was。 。。。more

Kaytee Cobb ，

Overall I found this interesting， even though I do see the points of reviewers who say it is myopic。

Sarah-Grace ，

3。5 🌟

Hannah ，

So honest。 Sometimes bleak， but very affirming。 Highly recommend to anyone who is a mother or who wants to be in the future。

Randi McEnrue ，

3。5

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0