I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki
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- Create Date：2022-08-07 03:21:45
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Baek Se-hee
- ISBN：1635579384
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Summary
The South Korean runaway bestseller， debut author Baek Se-Hee’s intimate therapy memoir—think Crying in H Mart meets Maybe You Should Talk to Someone。
PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you？
ME: I don’t know， I’m—what’s the word—depressed？ Do I have to go into detail？
Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her—what to call it？—depression？ She feels persistently low， anxious， endlessly self-doubting， but also highly judgmental of others。 She hides her feelings well at work and with friends; adept at performing the calmness， even ease， her lifestyle demands。 The effort is exhausting， overwhelming， and keeps her from forming deep relationships。 This can't be normal。
But if she's so hopeless， why can she always summon a yen for her favorite street food: the hot， spicy rice cake， tteokbokki？ Is this just what life is like？
Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period， Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops， knee-jerk reactions， and harmful behaviors that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse。 Part memoir， part self-help book， I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a book to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness。 It will appeal to anyone who has ever felt alone or unjustified in their everyday despair。
PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you？
ME: I don’t know， I’m—what’s the word—depressed？ Do I have to go into detail？
Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her—what to call it？—depression？ She feels persistently low， anxious， endlessly self-doubting， but also highly judgmental of others。 She hides her feelings well at work and with friends; adept at performing the calmness， even ease， her lifestyle demands。 The effort is exhausting， overwhelming， and keeps her from forming deep relationships。 This can't be normal。
But if she's so hopeless， why can she always summon a yen for her favorite street food: the hot， spicy rice cake， tteokbokki？ Is this just what life is like？
Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period， Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops， knee-jerk reactions， and harmful behaviors that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse。 Part memoir， part self-help book， I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a book to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness。 It will appeal to anyone who has ever felt alone or unjustified in their everyday despair。
Reviews
Cat :•]
，
No book has ever made me relate to it so much and feel accepted？？ Well not different
msbennetbooks
，
The main reason I wanted to read this book was because it was recommend by Namjoon but also the tile intrigued me。I believe it’s not a book for everyone， not just because it deals with mental health issues but also the writing style。At first I was really enjoying it but towards the ends it felt a bit repetitive to me and debbie downer。Nonetheless I think it can be an excellent book for people who seek some type of reasoning or comfort。
Nayla
，
3 Stars Interesting premises， I picked this up thinking it was fiction， and the title sounded intriguing （also reminded me of a song’s lyrics）。 However， this is a non fiction book， the author transcribing conversations with her psychiatrist - mostly verbatim - over the course of 12 weeks， after her diagnosis dysthymia。 The conversations were at first hard to get into， but with time I felt like I was there in the room with them。 I think that took away a bit， from the book for me; while this was a 3 Stars Interesting premises， I picked this up thinking it was fiction， and the title sounded intriguing （also reminded me of a song’s lyrics）。 However， this is a non fiction book， the author transcribing conversations with her psychiatrist - mostly verbatim - over the course of 12 weeks， after her diagnosis dysthymia。 The conversations were at first hard to get into， but with time I felt like I was there in the room with them。 I think that took away a bit， from the book for me; while this was a personal journey that can resonate with so many - and indeed， parts and bits did resonate with me - I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in the room the whole time。 There’s also a chapter from the psychiatrist’s perspective as well as some short essays/ chapters after the 12 weeks sessions。 I would have preferred less transcriptions and more making meaning of the sessions， I think。 I’m always interested in books dealing with mental health， and I’ve heard there is a second part but I would probably only read it if it didn’t follow the same style （conversations， random chapters）。 。。。more
Lydia
，
Despite not containing any huge revelation this was a pleasant read。 The author bravely illustrated her way with and， hopefully， out of depression candidly。 At points I was quite shocked in how honest she’s being。As someone who went through therapy myself and can proudly say， that I’m doing way better， many things described were familiar。 Some helpful some not。The therapist doesn’t have a miracle cure and you get a feel for how much hard work and self improvement has to be taken to get better。 H Despite not containing any huge revelation this was a pleasant read。 The author bravely illustrated her way with and， hopefully， out of depression candidly。 At points I was quite shocked in how honest she’s being。As someone who went through therapy myself and can proudly say， that I’m doing way better， many things described were familiar。 Some helpful some not。The therapist doesn’t have a miracle cure and you get a feel for how much hard work and self improvement has to be taken to get better。 How many little steps but also regression takes place。I’d say it’s an interesting read for people that don’t suffer from anxiety and:or depression or people that do suffer from it and want to read of a similar experience。 Maybe see their own issues and how to tackle it。Otherwise it doesn’t contain much entertainment。 It’s simply an okay read。 Brave。 Candid。 But also normal。 Which is totally fine and we all would feel better with ourselves and the world if we’d accept that normal is fine。 。。。more
Ruby
，
I want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a perfect example of a real human。 The insights and sessions transcribed in this book will not only help you understand the term， romanticism and cynicism; but will also allow you to indirectly reflect these thoughts and mishaps on yourself。 The book deals with several issues including （not including all for spoiler reasons） the secret idealisations of oneself， unknown desires of societal acceptance and adoration， fleeting feelings in relationships a I want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a perfect example of a real human。 The insights and sessions transcribed in this book will not only help you understand the term， romanticism and cynicism; but will also allow you to indirectly reflect these thoughts and mishaps on yourself。 The book deals with several issues including （not including all for spoiler reasons） the secret idealisations of oneself， unknown desires of societal acceptance and adoration， fleeting feelings in relationships and so on。 No review i could give would ever come close to giving this book justice。 Written in the perspective of the author （the patient） it gives a beautiful insight into the thoughts before， during and after meetings with her psychiatrist and how it can change not only her perspective but also her mood towards different people and things。 Not to mention the short essays at the end and the little note from the author was just the cherry on top of the already cherrified cake。 Take this with a pinch of salt and remember this from my review: I am in an incredibly similar situation as the author is and I did not realise this before， therefore giving me the belief that this may scare some people or on the other hand may become a bore for others already aware of their issues （as it may just literally be like reading the transcripts of your own psychiatry meetings）。 Rather than buying this book off by the ratings and reviews， just read it regardless。 Everyone with have a different perspective off of this book in particular and no one is similar in the way their minds work。 Ok be patient with yourself and peace out :） 。。。more
Nurul Amirah
，
Deep down，we were somewhere in the state of breaking down and always trying to be someone else but ourselves。We care what others thought about us more than what we actually care。。
che
，
i feel like this author would write an amazing lit fic because her writing in the last part （the reflections） had the loveliest prose， and this book merely proves that she has the empathy and depth to be a great writer。 “In any case， I tend to go back and forth between romanticism and cynicism。 Crossing those barriers between hot and cold， I forget the lukewarm boredom of life; that lukewarm state is what I fear the most。 Unable to return to feeling hot or cold， to be numb within a state of room i feel like this author would write an amazing lit fic because her writing in the last part （the reflections） had the loveliest prose， and this book merely proves that she has the empathy and depth to be a great writer。 “In any case， I tend to go back and forth between romanticism and cynicism。 Crossing those barriers between hot and cold， I forget the lukewarm boredom of life; that lukewarm state is what I fear the most。 Unable to return to feeling hot or cold， to be numb within a state of room temperature。 In that state， we’re nothing better than dead。” 。。。more
cheyenne
，
hmmm 🫥
Zara
，
*3。5I LOVED the first half but I didn't like at all the latter essays。 *3。5I LOVED the first half but I didn't like at all the latter essays。 。。。more
Nefesy
，
3。5 ⭐Bacaan ringan yang bikin hangat di hatiBuku ini buat saya seperti bercermin。 Seperti membaca seluruh isi perasaan yang selalu saya tutupi， dan sangkal， atau mungkin tidak saya sadari。Buku ini cocok dibaca ketika kita merasa lelah dengan semua rutinitas yang tidak berhenti dan membosankan。
Megan Carley
，
I think the betrayal of mental health within this book is astonishing。 From having the psychiatrist keep saying that the patient ‘is fine’ angered me a lot。Also it was published by Bloomsbury Publishing which is a big company， but it was the worst copywriting and publishing I’ve ever seen。 There were big enough gaps in between words for a house。
Omono
，
I'm grateful for her honesty I'm grateful for her honesty 。。。more
Cha
，
“You’re just one person， and you’re putting too much of the weight of the world on yourself。”Excerpt FromI Want to Die but I Want to Eat TteokbokkiBaek Sehee
Jasmine_
，
It's complicated to put thoughts on how I feel about this beautiful book and even more complicated to rate it。 You don't rate someone's life experiences， their struggles and their deepest feelings。 You just read through them， empathise and learn life lessons that you might need in the future or maybe right now。 I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki lets us enter Baek Se-Hee Therapy sessions。 Through the chapters， we can contemplate her evolution throughout the sessions and get a little look It's complicated to put thoughts on how I feel about this beautiful book and even more complicated to rate it。 You don't rate someone's life experiences， their struggles and their deepest feelings。 You just read through them， empathise and learn life lessons that you might need in the future or maybe right now。 I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki lets us enter Baek Se-Hee Therapy sessions。 Through the chapters， we can contemplate her evolution throughout the sessions and get a little look inside her head。 She suffers from dysthymia a persistent mild depression。 "what was wrong with me？ I wasn’t deathly depressed， but I wasn’t happy either， floating instead in some feeling between the two。 I suffered more because I had no idea that these contradictory feelings could and did coexist in many people。" I loved following her therapy sessions。 Her therapist was very wise and I found myself in a lot of Baek Se Hee's thoughts and ways of beings。 Some advices or exercises even helped me to get through some complicated life moments。 It ends with a bunch of thoughts of the author on different topics that were short but very pleasant and heart warming to read。 A beautiful book much needed in this world。 "You’re just one person， and you’re putting too much of the weight of the world on yourself。Me: Why am I like this？Psychiatrist: Because you’re a good person？""light and darkness are part of the same thing。 Happiness and unhappiness alternate throughout life， as in a dance。 So as long as I keep going and don’t give up， surely I will keep having moments of tears and laughter。" Lessons learned : 1。 So many contradictory feelings out there and it's normal。 It's normal to like being alone while also hating it， its normal to be happy while still feeling a bit sad， to have a terrible day and then burst in laughters 2。 We shouldn't think in black and white。 We're not only good and bad， or all ordinary or very special， people don't whether adore or hate us and as obvious as it is， it can be complicated to believe it 3。 Much more ！ 。。。more
Inna
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 "Fear increases when it's something you keep to yourself。 Instead of suffering alone， it can often be good to share it with someone else。。。"It takes great courage to bare your darkest and deepest thoughts to someone， but it takes a different kind of courage to be able to let other people know （especially people whom you know nothing about） of the vulnerability and struggles you have。 It's bravery to share your own story and give other people the power to talk and assert their opinions on the thi "Fear increases when it's something you keep to yourself。 Instead of suffering alone， it can often be good to share it with someone else。。。"It takes great courage to bare your darkest and deepest thoughts to someone， but it takes a different kind of courage to be able to let other people know （especially people whom you know nothing about） of the vulnerability and struggles you have。 It's bravery to share your own story and give other people the power to talk and assert their opinions on the things you're going through。 So I guess maybe that's why the quote above （taken from the book） stood out for me。Part-memoir， part-self-help book， this book was just too real and raw for me that I almost didn't want to finish it。 No， it's not because I hated it but because its contents were just too similar to my thoughts that reading it in another person's words just felt weird。 But I must say， this one's a lot better than the other self-help books I've read。 Because it didn't sugar coat anything and it didn't end the book in a clichéd make believe-beautifully-wrapped conclusion。The book was straightforward and I honestly think that it can pride itself from being a no-non sense type of writing which makes it a great read。 I guess I understand the attention it got after it was published cause it's easy to read and the glimpse of conversations between a psychiatrist and a person seeking for help makes it interesting enough for it's not everyday that someone is willing to share this kinds of experiences with other people。 。。。more
Cherry
，
God this was the most painfully boring book I've read in a while。 I picked it up because the title sounded fun and I thought it would be a bit relatable but it's basically just transcripts of the author's therapy sessions and a few of the author's essays。 I don't know if it's the author's writing I dislike so much or the translation but I literally kept putting down the book every few pages after I hit the 36% mark。 It's like al principio tuve una buena pinta pero the more I read the more I want God this was the most painfully boring book I've read in a while。 I picked it up because the title sounded fun and I thought it would be a bit relatable but it's basically just transcripts of the author's therapy sessions and a few of the author's essays。 I don't know if it's the author's writing I dislike so much or the translation but I literally kept putting down the book every few pages after I hit the 36% mark。 It's like al principio tuve una buena pinta pero the more I read the more I wanted to DNF。 To be fair the only reason I finished it was because I liked the cover and wanted it in my 2022 wrap up。 。。。more
Mich
，
I think it's my first time reading something like this。 I'm in a funk and while I never received any treatment or counselling。 I think that I have depression and anxiety。 There are definitely certain parts of this book which I resonate well with the author。 There are parts where I couldn't relate which could be because of culture and environment。 It definitely feels nice to know that there are other people out there who feel the same as you。 My mood can be one two extreme ends， even when it come I think it's my first time reading something like this。 I'm in a funk and while I never received any treatment or counselling。 I think that I have depression and anxiety。 There are definitely certain parts of this book which I resonate well with the author。 There are parts where I couldn't relate which could be because of culture and environment。 It definitely feels nice to know that there are other people out there who feel the same as you。 My mood can be one two extreme ends， even when it comes to making decisions。 I sometimes have the all or none thinking， I think that's what black and white thinking is when mentioned in the book。 Overall this was a good read I love it very much。 Definitely going to buy the paperback so I can annotate better。 。。。more
Tanja
，
What a remarkably annoying person。
Myah Rose
，
This was honest and upfront and analytical， and funnily did not mention tteokbokki once
Sabrina
，
4。5⭐
Héloïse
，
Been wanting to read this for YEARS （blaming Woosung for this， anyway stan The Rose） and found out it had finally been translated！ Usually books abt mental health are either reality-inspired fiction or pure introspection on the part of the author so to have a transcription of /professional/ therapy sessions was quite interesting。 Wont go into long rant but as someone who “also want（ed）（？） to die but wanted to eat tteokbokki”， i could relate to some parts of the book。 I don’t feel like it’s a sel Been wanting to read this for YEARS （blaming Woosung for this， anyway stan The Rose） and found out it had finally been translated！ Usually books abt mental health are either reality-inspired fiction or pure introspection on the part of the author so to have a transcription of /professional/ therapy sessions was quite interesting。 Wont go into long rant but as someone who “also want（ed）（？） to die but wanted to eat tteokbokki”， i could relate to some parts of the book。 I don’t feel like it’s a self help book it doesn’t give advice or solution to your problem but it’s nice to see someone candidly tell you about their struggle and to empathise with themI have to admit that the style was sometimes weird though， maybe due to the translation ？ 。。。more
Esme
，
Okay。 I found it disappointing as the main body of the book is just a transcript of her therapy sessions。 Was hoping for something more insightful。
Fadzli Jambari
，
I liked the first 3/4 of the book where each chapter consists of the author’s therapy session with her psychiatrist sandwiched between her thoughts and reflections。 Towards the end， it no longer features the therapy sessions but mini essays which I felt was kind of out of place。 I would like to thank the author for being brave and vulnerable to share her story online。 But I did grow a bit bored with the format and I think having more of her reflections instead of dialogue would have made the boo I liked the first 3/4 of the book where each chapter consists of the author’s therapy session with her psychiatrist sandwiched between her thoughts and reflections。 Towards the end， it no longer features the therapy sessions but mini essays which I felt was kind of out of place。 I would like to thank the author for being brave and vulnerable to share her story online。 But I did grow a bit bored with the format and I think having more of her reflections instead of dialogue would have made the book more interesting。 It did feel kind of lazy， like copying and pasting the transcript directly into a book。 I don’t really want to be reading a whole book of dialogues and transcripts。 This book reminds me a lot of "Reasons to stay alive" by Matt Haig。 Both of which remind me of self-help ish books。 I was hoping for the book to be more raw and authentic to connect with it better as someone that deals with mental health issues myself。This is random but tteokbokki was only mentioned twice in the entire book， I kinda hoped it would have played a more significant role in the story。 （Though， I am now craving tteokbokki…） 。。。more
Jenny
，
What a wholesome book。 I had many A-ha！ moments where I gained a bit more clarity in my own life。
Preeti
，
Baek Sehee unpacks a lot in her short book。 Her conversations with her psychiatrist and her reflections on those conversations are basically what her book is about。 If you manage to find epiphanies or advice， good for you。 If you came with high hopes of a dense， "intellectual" textbook or a gut-wrenching memoir that cuts open your heart， you might be disappointed。Why？ Because Baek Sehee is your everywoman。 Her life， her struggles， her inner monologues， contradictions， doubts， and fears， relate t Baek Sehee unpacks a lot in her short book。 Her conversations with her psychiatrist and her reflections on those conversations are basically what her book is about。 If you manage to find epiphanies or advice， good for you。 If you came with high hopes of a dense， "intellectual" textbook or a gut-wrenching memoir that cuts open your heart， you might be disappointed。Why？ Because Baek Sehee is your everywoman。 Her life， her struggles， her inner monologues， contradictions， doubts， and fears， relate to many adults surfing through the highs and lows of their mid-twenties or early thirties。 （Personally， I think they're relatable even beyond this tiny range of years in your life。）Have you experienced the comfort of a long， warm hug from someone you love and trust， especially at a time when you feel like absolute garbage， about yourself and your entire life？ And how that one hug seems to collect your being and hold it together as you let go and burst through the seams of every thread and chain you've bound yourself with， in the hopes of making through just one more day？This book felt like that hug。 On a very fundamental level， it felt kind and compassionate and understanding。 The immense comfort was to see myself in Sehee's words， and to hear her psychiatrist's response addressed to my own self。 Am I displacing Sehee from her own life-story and planting myself in her shoes just to be able to say， "hey， that's me too"？ I don't know。 I know a lot fewer things than I did before。 But I can still recognize kindness and can see the value in the psychiatrist's advice as she comforts Sehee， telling her that she can enjoy the "freedom of her thoughts" and that the world is not as bad as we fear it to be and we ourselves are not as bad， or loathsome， or shallow， as we fear ourselves to be。 Perhaps， most of us reside in that soul-crushingly boring and overpopulated gray area between absolute good and absolute bad。 On better days， it's a lighter shade of gray; on difficult days， it's mostly pitch black。 Reading it was a humbling experience， in a way that it felt like my feet have found a solid ground to stand on， where all of me can see things for what they are， not what we fear them to be。 Albeit temporarily。For someone who does not relate to the same struggles as Baek Sehee， this book is still worth a read for the insight it gives into the minds of those like us。 It's easy to get lost in surface level impressions and assumptions， but it's a whole new game once you start to see words and actions and worries for what hides behind them。 。。。more
Emma
，
It was interesting。 Hit close to home at times however didn’t really feel like there was proper closure。 Perhaps that is the point。 Our mental health journeys never really end so they？
ou。_。mou
，
🫶🏾
Ted Richards
，
This one's tough。 Baek Sehee's self-help book is very much split down the middle for me; some of it is excellent， and some of it is saccharine。 On the one hand， the book is framed around recorded sessions with Baek and her psychiatrist。 They discuss the idea of a persistent light depressive disorder， or dysthymia。 This is cracking stuff。 The transcripts are realistic and raw， there are some very powerful conversations and it doesn't really carry a particular message。 It is a very impressionistic This one's tough。 Baek Sehee's self-help book is very much split down the middle for me; some of it is excellent， and some of it is saccharine。 On the one hand， the book is framed around recorded sessions with Baek and her psychiatrist。 They discuss the idea of a persistent light depressive disorder， or dysthymia。 This is cracking stuff。 The transcripts are realistic and raw， there are some very powerful conversations and it doesn't really carry a particular message。 It is a very impressionistic book， and the psychiatrist even comments at the end questioning wether their advice was correct。 Baek goes off on tangents， but a lot of what she is talking about resonated with me。 She discusses self-esteem， jealousy， failure and extreme ideals。 She talks about how she judges everyone she sees， but then that judgement shines back stronger upon herself and makes her doubt herself。 She questions if she is a good person， and a lot of the most powerful parts are when the psychiatrist asks why any of that matters。 What's so refreshing about this approach is that this is not a self-help book。 Baek is in no way a model for other people， except for the fact she is willing to accept professional psychiatric help。 Instead， the book is an example of one way psychiatry can help， through a much more gentle self-examination of the self。 This is in contrast to a slew of popular books that hold up ideals and platitudes as the Übermensch of personality。 One of the core messages of the sessions is that of being comfortable with shades of grey， accepting that you and everyone around you will make mistakes， and having enough self-esteem to roll with that， and try again。 Not in some corny， 'get back on the horse' or 'come back stronger' kind of way， but in a forgiving and empathetic approach to life as a series of mistakes and events beyond anybody's control。 The problem is the epilogue。 Accompanying the transcripts are moments where Baek reflects on the sessions and what she thought at the time。 These are fine， but slightly too esoteric for my tastes。 In the postscript， Baek dials these up to one hundred， and there is a long stretch of the book which feels like the publisher panicked and had Baek put in some very wishy washy platitudes。 I am being quite critical here， because I was upset at the contrast between the authenticity of the transcribed sessions， with the faux self help soundbites that the book turned into at the end。 Most readers， likely won't be as grumpy as me and accept them for what they are; musings， impressions and personal thoughts on the ways Baek wishes to develop as a human being。 Unfortunately， for me， they really did not land。 One final note should be the translation by Anton Hur， which was excellent。 Hur does a good job of giving the reader enough context without erasing some of the more nuanced things Baek is talking about。 He does not attempt to dumb down some of the thornier cultural issues， and particularly in one of the last segments， I was impressed in left in some of Baek's more outdated， but fairly traditional， Korean thoughts and opinions。 Overall， it is a mixed bag。 I'd recommend it hesitantly。 It is a quick， easy read， that did help me self-reflect and consider things I had not examined before。 But it becomes far too saccharine towards the end for my own tastes。 。。。more
Danny
，
Is this a must-read？ Probably not。 But I think many people with mental health issues can relate to Baek Sehee’s story to some degree， that is why this book is a lovely way of connecting people and letting them know: “You are not alone！”
peacharr
，