Mothercare: On Obligation, Love, Death, and Ambivalence
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2022-08-04 03:21:42
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Lynne Tillman
- ISBN：159376717X
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Summary
For readers of Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking， and Simone de Beauvior's A Very Easy Death， Mothercare is an honest and beautifully written account of a sudden and drastically changed relationship with one's mother， and of the time and labor spent navigating the American healthcare system。
When a parent's unusual health condition renders her entirely dependent upon you， your siblings， caregivers， and companions， the unimaginable will become daily life。
Brilliantly original novelist and cultural critic Lynne Tillman became one of nearly 53 million Americans who care for a sick family member when her mother developed an unusual and little understood condition called Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus。
Instantly， Tillman's independent and spirited mother went from someone she knew to someone else， a woman entirely dependent on her children--an eleven-year process through which her mother underwent many surgeries and some misdiagnoses， while the family navigated consultations and confrontations with doctors， adjusting to the complexity of her cognitive issues， including memory loss。
With her notoriously exquisite writing style and reputation as a "rich noticer of strange things" （Colm To�b�n）， Tillman describes， without flinching， the unexpected， heartbreaking， and frustrating years of caring for a sick parent。
MOTHERCARE is both a cautionary tale and sympathetic guidance for anyone who suddenly becomes a caregiver， responsible for the life of another-a parent， loved or not， or a friend。 This story may be helpful， informative， consoling， or upsetting， but it never fails to underscore how impossible it is to get the job done completely right。
When a parent's unusual health condition renders her entirely dependent upon you， your siblings， caregivers， and companions， the unimaginable will become daily life。
Brilliantly original novelist and cultural critic Lynne Tillman became one of nearly 53 million Americans who care for a sick family member when her mother developed an unusual and little understood condition called Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus。
Instantly， Tillman's independent and spirited mother went from someone she knew to someone else， a woman entirely dependent on her children--an eleven-year process through which her mother underwent many surgeries and some misdiagnoses， while the family navigated consultations and confrontations with doctors， adjusting to the complexity of her cognitive issues， including memory loss。
With her notoriously exquisite writing style and reputation as a "rich noticer of strange things" （Colm To�b�n）， Tillman describes， without flinching， the unexpected， heartbreaking， and frustrating years of caring for a sick parent。
MOTHERCARE is both a cautionary tale and sympathetic guidance for anyone who suddenly becomes a caregiver， responsible for the life of another-a parent， loved or not， or a friend。 This story may be helpful， informative， consoling， or upsetting， but it never fails to underscore how impossible it is to get the job done completely right。
Reviews
Tina
，
Happy pub day to my last non fiction read MOTHERCARE: On Obligation， Love， Death and Ambivalence by Lynne Tillman！ I enjoyed this book！ It’s an in depth account of the author caring for her mother and dealing with the American healthcare system。 I appreciated the honesty in this book as some parts were uncomfortable to read but caring for a sick parent will always have some uncomfortable moments。 It was interesting to read about Tillman’s experiences with her sisters， finding the right doctor an Happy pub day to my last non fiction read MOTHERCARE: On Obligation， Love， Death and Ambivalence by Lynne Tillman！ I enjoyed this book！ It’s an in depth account of the author caring for her mother and dealing with the American healthcare system。 I appreciated the honesty in this book as some parts were uncomfortable to read but caring for a sick parent will always have some uncomfortable moments。 It was interesting to read about Tillman’s experiences with her sisters， finding the right doctor and diagnosis for her mother and hiring the right caregiver。 This book made me reflect on my own family and mortality。 I also listened to the audiobook and Kim Niemi did a great job narrating！ Another good book to add to my beloved Soft Skull collection！。Thank you to Soft Skull Press for my gifted review copy and HighBridge Audio via NetGalley for my ALC！ 。。。more
Rebecca
，
Disclaimer that this book is about my own family， so naturally I find it very interesting。 That said， since it's about my own family， that might make me a tougher audience - I also experienced many of the events described in the book and have my own stories about Tillman's mother （my grandmother）。 She captures so much here， without sentimentality， but beautifully and with great complexity。 Disclaimer that this book is about my own family， so naturally I find it very interesting。 That said， since it's about my own family， that might make me a tougher audience - I also experienced many of the events described in the book and have my own stories about Tillman's mother （my grandmother）。 She captures so much here， without sentimentality， but beautifully and with great complexity。 。。。more
M
，
With a mother experiencing Stage 4 cancer and a comparison to Joan Didion in the description， I knew I wanted to read this book。 Colm Toiban comments on her ability to notice things， and I will agree with that--the elements Tillman weaves in as she observes her mother's slow descent are striking， and I appreciated them。But there were two nagging elements that repelled me from this book:Her writing style is not one that aligns with what appeals to me。 I recognize that she is a member of a literar With a mother experiencing Stage 4 cancer and a comparison to Joan Didion in the description， I knew I wanted to read this book。 Colm Toiban comments on her ability to notice things， and I will agree with that--the elements Tillman weaves in as she observes her mother's slow descent are striking， and I appreciated them。But there were two nagging elements that repelled me from this book:Her writing style is not one that aligns with what appeals to me。 I recognize that she is a member of a literary trend and that she does well with that trend: very stripped down observations， purposeful comma splices， a very detached voice。 But I yearned for details I knew she wouldn't--and perhaps， because of her style， couldn't--provide。 We were given no real sensory details， no figurative language。 This isn't wrong， by any means， but it is not a style of writing I seek out，The other element is， perhaps， what will appeal to other readers。 She is contradictory， but not in a way that felt incredibly aware。 She writes of this Mother character， whom she admits to having stopped liking when she was six and was relieved to see finally die， but she also calls herself a good daughter for caring for her。 She admits her other New York sister did more work， but she also speaks of how much she sacrificed， how much her mother took from her。 I am by no means judging anyone who stops liking her mother at a young age or feels a freedom after she passes--we all experience family differently， and eleven years is an awfully long time to fight for someone through paperwork and caregivers and hospital visits and the litany of medications her mother had to take was stunning--this isn't my qualm。 I think， instead， it's a kind of self-righteous tone that made me think that this woman would have been a similarly narcissistic figure in her own children's lives if she had children。 More contradictions are rooted in the ways in which she looks at the caretakers who drift in and out of her mother's life and the one who remains for a decade。 She is unkind in her depictions of all of them。 We get reminders of the fraught lives they lead: lack of documentation， minimum wage， families left behind so they can send money home。 We also get a list of the generosities her family provides: a computer from her sister， paying for one caregiver's daughter's wedding。 But these women are also called nuts and several passages include descriptions of how they stole， but she looked the other way because of how desperate she was for their care。 They are terrible and yet they did the thing the author was unwilling to do， which was care for an elderly woman with many serious ailments。 For minimum wage。And: her mother's knitting instructor seemed to adore her， but she did not check in with the sisters after the funeral， so she was dishonest。These contradictions， as they built up， felt frustrating rather than relieving。 I received an advance ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more
Sara
，
This is a beautifully written account of taking care of one's mother in old age and infirmity。 I'd easily recommend it to anyone who has older parents。 It's realistic， useful， and brutally honest。 It also has an even tone to it and reads very smoothly。 As someone who went through this same journey， also in New York City， all of it rang true to me。 This is a beautifully written account of taking care of one's mother in old age and infirmity。 I'd easily recommend it to anyone who has older parents。 It's realistic， useful， and brutally honest。 It also has an even tone to it and reads very smoothly。 As someone who went through this same journey， also in New York City， all of it rang true to me。 。。。more
Cam Kovach
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