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Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village

Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village

  • Downloads：9195
  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-09-16 01:19:23
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Maureen Johnson
  • ISBN：B08QMHLDPG
  • Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary

Thinking of a foray to a quaint English village？ You'll think twice after reading this tongue-in-cheek illustrated guide to the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind these villages' bucolic façades--from bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper。

In the England of murder mysteries and TV detectives， no destination is deadlier than a quaint country village， and you never know you're in a murder village until it's too late。 No attraction or local character is safe--whether in the pub for a pint， or on the manicured grounds of the local estate for a shooting party， bodies can turn up anywhere！ Danger lurks around every cobblestone corner。 If you are foolish enough to make the trip， at least be prepared。

Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore， Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate， should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village （or simply dream of going）。 Good luck， and whatever you do， avoid the vicar。

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Reviews

Betsie ，

This book is hilarious。 I laughed very loudly， most of the way through。 And the thing is， it's all true！ This book is hilarious。 I laughed very loudly， most of the way through。 And the thing is， it's all true！ 。。。more

Rabhya Maini ，

Funny， Beautiful Art and Horrifying too！ Maureen Johnson's writing is a comfort zone。 Funny， Beautiful Art and Horrifying too！ Maureen Johnson's writing is a comfort zone。 。。。more

Eunice R ，

Something to read while on holiday on a dull day in a remote， innocuous-looking village， to cheer you up。 The tongue-in-cheek humor will have you smirking and eyebrow lifting in no time flat with its "cheery" thriller prose。 Watch your back。 Watch your front; side， top， bottom; your step。。。uh-oh。。。you were instructed to follow the guide！ ~Eunice C。， Reviewer/Blogger~ August 2021Disclaimer: This is my honest opinion based on the review copy given by the publisher。 Something to read while on holiday on a dull day in a remote， innocuous-looking village， to cheer you up。 The tongue-in-cheek humor will have you smirking and eyebrow lifting in no time flat with its "cheery" thriller prose。 Watch your back。 Watch your front; side， top， bottom; your step。。。uh-oh。。。you were instructed to follow the guide！ ~Eunice C。， Reviewer/Blogger~ August 2021Disclaimer: This is my honest opinion based on the review copy given by the publisher。 。。。more

Kay ，

I love reading those Agatha Christie-style mystery stories that often take place in quaint English villages so this book doesn't come as a shock to me。 Definitely explains the perils of visiting such places and interacting with those that live there。A very quick read and I love the illustrations throughout the book。 I love reading those Agatha Christie-style mystery stories that often take place in quaint English villages so this book doesn't come as a shock to me。 Definitely explains the perils of visiting such places and interacting with those that live there。A very quick read and I love the illustrations throughout the book。 。。。more

Stacy ，

Light and funny and full of dead bodies。 A laugh from start to finish。

Jennifer ，

This is a hilarious take about how to survive if you visit a quaint， English village。 I was rolling while taking in this quick read！ It has funny pictures， maps， and character drawings。 There are even quizzes to see if you would make it out of the village！ If you love cozy mysteries or mysteries set in England， you will love this book！！

Philip ，

So， you’re planning a trip to England。You’ve watched Midsomer Murders from start to finish， and read every Agatha Christie。 You know what to expect。Or so you think… Maybe there’s one more thing you should read first。 Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village is a short but brilliant tongue-in-cheek book， preparing you for your inevitable demise in， well， Tongue-in-Cheek， or whatever little town you’re preparing to visit on your holiday。 Maureen Johnson presents a very quick So， you’re planning a trip to England。You’ve watched Midsomer Murders from start to finish， and read every Agatha Christie。 You know what to expect。Or so you think… Maybe there’s one more thing you should read first。 Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village is a short but brilliant tongue-in-cheek book， preparing you for your inevitable demise in， well， Tongue-in-Cheek， or whatever little town you’re preparing to visit on your holiday。 Maureen Johnson presents a very quick read with Gorey-esque illustrations provided by Jay Cooper。 The guide introduces you to the titular village and its denizens and their various quirks （beware the vicar） before moving on to the nearby manor and the residents therein。I loved this book。 It took me maybe 30 minutes to read from beginning to end， but I vastly enjoyed every minute of it， spending a large portion of the time stifling my laughter so as to not wake my sleeping family members。 Johnson’s humor is spectacular， and I can’t recommend it highly enough。 It’s out in the world today。 Go find it。 Just… Maybe don’t go to the little bookshop in the quaint English village to pick up a copy。My utmost thanks to NetGalley for an eARC of this book in exchange for a fair review。This review originally appeared here: https://swordsoftheancients。com/2021/。。。 。。。more

Laura ，

This book was written specifically for my sense of humor and aesthetic。 If you like Edward Gorey， Gris Grimly， or just sighing deeply on the misty moors while being pursued by the tragic spirit of a betrayed governess and her various haunted topiaries， please read this！

Laura Bang ，

A delightful （and necessary） guide to Quaint English Villages that are somehow very murdery despite the small population， featuring hilarious descriptions and fun Gorey-esque illustrations。 A must-read for fans of cozy （or "cosy"） British mysteries。 A delightful （and necessary） guide to Quaint English Villages that are somehow very murdery despite the small population， featuring hilarious descriptions and fun Gorey-esque illustrations。 A must-read for fans of cozy （or "cosy"） British mysteries。 。。。more

TrixieB ，

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review。First off， it's Maureen Johnson。 You were warned。 You've read the newsletters and somehow survived。 You think you've got her beat。 Foolish mortal！This book is terrifying and hilarious。 I grew up watching Murder She Wrote and reading Agatha Christie。 I consume cozy mysteries like chocolate。 The Guide is a distillation of all the murders that take place in those books。 （Boiled down in vats maybe？？） The wonderful illustrations really Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review。First off， it's Maureen Johnson。 You were warned。 You've read the newsletters and somehow survived。 You think you've got her beat。 Foolish mortal！This book is terrifying and hilarious。 I grew up watching Murder She Wrote and reading Agatha Christie。 I consume cozy mysteries like chocolate。 The Guide is a distillation of all the murders that take place in those books。 （Boiled down in vats maybe？？） The wonderful illustrations really up the creepiness factor。 SO GOOD！ SO FUNNY！！ Extremely alarming。CW Dead childrenThe only part I had a problem with was the mentions of dead orphans。 I know it's a trope， but I found it actually disturbing。For the most part this book was laugh-out-loud funny。 Maureen should do a BINGO card to accompany it， for us to use the next time we are reading a cozy mystery and being grateful we are safely not in an English Murder Village。 。。。more

Linda ，

This book was such a disappointment！ I've been eagerly awaiting it and paid $9。99 for it in Kindle， and it was 124 pages。 That's not to say 124 pages of WRITING， as some pages only had a sentence or two on it。 There were also pages that were just illustrations。 Somewhat amusing， but I'd have rather had an actual story and skip the artwork。 This book was such a disappointment！ I've been eagerly awaiting it and paid $9。99 for it in Kindle， and it was 124 pages。 That's not to say 124 pages of WRITING， as some pages only had a sentence or two on it。 There were also pages that were just illustrations。 Somewhat amusing， but I'd have rather had an actual story and skip the artwork。 。。。more

Laurann ，

This charming book had me laughing with each page。 I love mystery books and this book brings all the tropes out into the open and wittily describes them。 I love everything having to do with the vicar！ Also the mini "quizzes" are hilarious。 They help you determine if you could survive visiting a Quaint English Village。 I really loved this book。 If you don't mind poking fun at the great mystery genre you will love this book too！ This charming book had me laughing with each page。 I love mystery books and this book brings all the tropes out into the open and wittily describes them。 I love everything having to do with the vicar！ Also the mini "quizzes" are hilarious。 They help you determine if you could survive visiting a Quaint English Village。 I really loved this book。 If you don't mind poking fun at the great mystery genre you will love this book too！ 。。。more

Books， Tea， Healthy Me ，

So much fun！！Full review available here: https://booksteahealthyme。home。blog/2。。。 So much fun！！Full review available here: https://booksteahealthyme。home。blog/2。。。 。。。more

Kelli ，

This book was HYSTERICAL！ What a fun read！ 13 year old me would absolutely be obsessed with this book！This is by no means a story but rather， a cautionary guide on how not to die （you will） in a quaint English （murder） village。The dark satire reminded me a lot of Lemony Snicket and the illustrations reminded me of the book In a Dark， Dark Room。I want to say my favorite part were the quizzes at the end of each chapter， but really everything was my favorite。I definitely plan on buying this book。Th This book was HYSTERICAL！ What a fun read！ 13 year old me would absolutely be obsessed with this book！This is by no means a story but rather， a cautionary guide on how not to die （you will） in a quaint English （murder） village。The dark satire reminded me a lot of Lemony Snicket and the illustrations reminded me of the book In a Dark， Dark Room。I want to say my favorite part were the quizzes at the end of each chapter， but really everything was my favorite。I definitely plan on buying this book。Thank you Netgalley， Maureen Johnson， and the publisher， for allowing me to read this ARC。 。。。more

Emi Bevacqua ，

Ghastly （but in a good way） little guidebook with Charles Addams-Ogden Nash-New Yorker grade illustrations。 Since I often hike in quaint English villages， I find this entertaining and will probably buy a hard copy as a remembrance of our time here in London。 Even though the author and the illustrator both live in America。

Maine Colonial ，

I received a free publisher's digital review copy， via Netgalley。During the pandemic， my husband and I have been watching Midsomer Murders， from the beginning to （as of last week） Season 21。 The various villages of Midsomer county are outrageously lethal， with murders happening in every spot that normally typifies the pleasure of village living。This tongue-in-cheek book is organized into short topics like: village buildings， events and residents， and manor houses and their spaces， staff， residen I received a free publisher's digital review copy， via Netgalley。During the pandemic， my husband and I have been watching Midsomer Murders， from the beginning to （as of last week） Season 21。 The various villages of Midsomer county are outrageously lethal， with murders happening in every spot that normally typifies the pleasure of village living。This tongue-in-cheek book is organized into short topics like: village buildings， events and residents， and manor houses and their spaces， staff， residents and guests。 I had to laugh at how often a topic is one featured on Midsomer Murders。 Murder by bell tower， vats of cider or other liquids， murders in churches， murders using swords from suits of armor， and so on。 The topics are accompanied by drawings that look a little like Edward Gorey illustrations。Though it’s entertaining， you should know that this is an extremely short book; one you can read in an hour or so。 But it’s good looking， with its Gorey-esque typeface and artwork。 It would make a nice gift for a fan of Midsomer Murders， Agatha Raisin， or other books and TV shows about English village murders。 。。。more

Richard Lewis ，

A quick read but nonetheless entertaining， witty and immensely enjoyable - if you’re into murder-most-foul in the heart of the English countryside and a healthy dose of irreverent British humour。 Or likewise， if you should ever be in a situation where you would rather avoid being murdered in an idyllic village/stately home/manor house， then this one-stop guide is all you will ever need。 Would make a great Christmas stocking filler for any fan of detective series and worth a browse if you have ti A quick read but nonetheless entertaining， witty and immensely enjoyable - if you’re into murder-most-foul in the heart of the English countryside and a healthy dose of irreverent British humour。 Or likewise， if you should ever be in a situation where you would rather avoid being murdered in an idyllic village/stately home/manor house， then this one-stop guide is all you will ever need。 Would make a great Christmas stocking filler for any fan of detective series and worth a browse if you have time （and no set plans） to kill …“The Village Shop: It sells cheese， stamps， tea， and death。”“If you arrive after dark， assume the hounds will eat you。”“We haven’t had a murder in this village since … oh dear， there’s been another one。”My thanks to NetGalley and Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press for this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more

jennet wheatstonelllsl ，

Lake

RoshReviews ，

Whatever you need to know about this book is in the title itself。 It’s a guidebook to survival in an English village。 As you already know from the various crime mysteries and detective stories set in this distinct site， anything that can happen will happen， and no place is truly safe。 This travelogue includes not just survival tips but also quizzes you on situations you might encounter and marks you on your response。 As you make your way through every funny titbit of warning about English villag Whatever you need to know about this book is in the title itself。 It’s a guidebook to survival in an English village。 As you already know from the various crime mysteries and detective stories set in this distinct site， anything that can happen will happen， and no place is truly safe。 This travelogue includes not just survival tips but also quizzes you on situations you might encounter and marks you on your response。 As you make your way through every funny titbit of warning about English villages， you will find yourself laughing and nodding along at the memory of the same trope being used in some mystery novel you read。 Unfortunately， reading this book would also mean that now onwards， whenever you read a cosy mystery， you have an insider view of the setup and will be able to see twists coming a mile away。 Anyone who loves cosy mysteries is sure to connect to every single one of the points mentioned in this funny little book。 Right from village ponds to church towers， private rooms to public places， family members to village residents， this illustrated novella provides a detailed guide on how to escape with your life and limbs intact if you ever happen to visit any English village， the quintessential locale for murders and mysteries galore。 As I progressed through the book， there was a sense of déjà vu as the content seemed to be getting more familiar。 Then came a line that I remember guffawing at when I had first encountered it: “Stairs are the xylophones of death。” A quick Google search revealed the source article written by author Maureen Johnson on the crimereads。com website in early 2020。 I just read through this article again and it’s like the precursor of this book。 So you could take a look at that article as a kind of sampler。 If you enjoy it， you’ll definitely find the book even funnier for it has lots more content to offer。 Anyone who has a weird， twisted sense of humour （like Yours Truly here！） will ENJOY this book。 The humour is very tongue in cheek and the BW illustrations （with a sprinkling of BLOOD-red wherever necessary） add a dash of spice to the ominous Baedeker。 Pick it up when you are in the mood for a quick， light-hearted read。 Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review。***********************Join me on the Facebook group， Readers Forever！， for more reviews， book-related discussions and fun。 。。。more

Jenny Lawson ，

Light， lovely and full of murder。 Just the way a good guidebook should be。

Debra ，

This little book gave me a big laugh！ Hilarious， spam-y， parody， satire， tongue-in-cheek--it's a little of all of them。 Your Guide is a spoof on a guidebook， helping the reader identify （and avoid） the locations and actors in a quaint English village which are fraught with danger for the unwary traveler。 It borrows plot devices and twists from iconic and run-of-the-mill murder mysteries alike。 Unsurprisingly， there's lots of talk of death， and the illustrations are equally comically graphic。 A c This little book gave me a big laugh！ Hilarious， spam-y， parody， satire， tongue-in-cheek--it's a little of all of them。 Your Guide is a spoof on a guidebook， helping the reader identify （and avoid） the locations and actors in a quaint English village which are fraught with danger for the unwary traveler。 It borrows plot devices and twists from iconic and run-of-the-mill murder mysteries alike。 Unsurprisingly， there's lots of talk of death， and the illustrations are equally comically graphic。 A clever and witty addition to any mystery lover's shelves， this would make a great gift for the bibiophile who has everything。I received and advanced reader copy of this book from the publisher， via NetGalley， to read in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more

Jamie MacDonald Jones ，

ARC from Netgalley。A very fun， light read that points fun at the idea of the quaint village with dark goings-on as depicted in Christie and others。 Great illustrations and the short desciptions are very entertaining。

Liz ，

I highly recommend this for any fan of cozy English mysteries， Midsomer Murder， Father Brown or Shakespeare & Hathaway。 If you ever added up the dead bodies in Midsomer Murders， you’d expect the villages to be empty。 This “tongue in cheek” warning explains the places， people and events to avoid。 The Churchyard - Technically， you’re supposed to be dead before you end up here， but villagers aren’t strict about this。 The Village Fete - It’s like The Hunger Games， but dangerous。 The drawings have a I highly recommend this for any fan of cozy English mysteries， Midsomer Murder， Father Brown or Shakespeare & Hathaway。 If you ever added up the dead bodies in Midsomer Murders， you’d expect the villages to be empty。 This “tongue in cheek” warning explains the places， people and events to avoid。 The Churchyard - Technically， you’re supposed to be dead before you end up here， but villagers aren’t strict about this。 The Village Fete - It’s like The Hunger Games， but dangerous。 The drawings have a fabulous Edward Gordy feel to them。 This is great fun and a wonderful way to spend an hour chuckling away。 My thanks to netgalley and Ten Speed Press for an advance copy of this book。 。。。more

MarilynW ，

Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Villageby Maureen Johnson （Author）， Jay Cooper （Illustrator）Having binge watched all the seasons of Midsomer Murders from our Texas home in the desert， I felt like this book would be for me。 From my TV viewing， I know how dangerous the county English locales can be， that old folks are as likely to skewer you as to offer you tea （which is probably poisoned）。 Danger is lurking everywhere and the safer things look the more likely you'll die a v Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Villageby Maureen Johnson （Author）， Jay Cooper （Illustrator）Having binge watched all the seasons of Midsomer Murders from our Texas home in the desert， I felt like this book would be for me。 From my TV viewing， I know how dangerous the county English locales can be， that old folks are as likely to skewer you as to offer you tea （which is probably poisoned）。 Danger is lurking everywhere and the safer things look the more likely you'll die a violent， gruesome， embarrassing death。 This book literally illustrates the dangers so well， leaving out nothing and reveling in bad taste， bad manners， and bad people to press home the fact that if you have the misfortune of reading this book in a quaint English village， it's too late， your days are numbered， and you are soon to be buried where no one will find your body。 I've never been so glad to stay home and NOT visit a quaint English village。 Publication: September 14th 2021 by Ten Speed PressThank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for this ARC。 。。。more

Karen Foster ，

This is the perfect little book to gift to any lover of cozy mysteries， Midsommer Murders， Miss Marple and the like…… I laughed at loud at this little charmer。 It gently pokes fun at all the tropes we know and love， from all our favorite village set mysteries。 And the illustrations and quizzes make this that perfect stocking stuffer。 Recommended。

Tiffany White ，

Thank you Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for an e-arc of "Your guide to not getting murdered in a quaint English village。" I finally got to read this title after putting it off because I didn't know how long it would take me to finish。 I decided to give it 15 minutes to start and see where it was going to take me。 This is a FAST read。 Within 45 minutes I finished it the first time。 I really enjoyed going back to other sections to look at the artwork and re-read it。 The vicar sounds like the most Thank you Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for an e-arc of "Your guide to not getting murdered in a quaint English village。" I finally got to read this title after putting it off because I didn't know how long it would take me to finish。 I decided to give it 15 minutes to start and see where it was going to take me。 This is a FAST read。 Within 45 minutes I finished it the first time。 I really enjoyed going back to other sections to look at the artwork and re-read it。 The vicar sounds like the most concerning person in a quaint English village。 Next to "Oh， it's you。" I loved the black and white pictures with a splash of red throughout this book。 It really helps to support the short sections about each person or location in this quaint English village。 The tone of the book is very conversational， almost like a concerned friend issuing their warning。 I will say that I only managed to survive one of the quizzes， and even that one I felt like there was no actual survival option， which added to the fun of this read。 I will be recommending this title for my library。 Maureen Johnson's books are well-loved in our library and I can see this one joining the already well-loved titles of our collection。 This was also a short， fast， fun read which is often an area where I struggle with readers advisory because it feels like there aren't many coming out that check off those boxes。 。。。more

Alisa ，

Tongue-in-cheek guide book that warns you of all the possible pitfalls in a typical cozy-mystery "Quaint English Village"。 Fun illustrations and good premise， but not much meat。 Tongue-in-cheek guide book that warns you of all the possible pitfalls in a typical cozy-mystery "Quaint English Village"。 Fun illustrations and good premise， but not much meat。 。。。more

Susan ，

Since apparently you can't avoid the murderous English village her is a guide to survival the next time you visit a quaint English village。 A very humourous look at the "stereotypical" quaint English village and what lurks behind the facade。 Definitely a must read！ Since apparently you can't avoid the murderous English village her is a guide to survival the next time you visit a quaint English village。 A very humourous look at the "stereotypical" quaint English village and what lurks behind the facade。 Definitely a must read！ 。。。more

Jill Elizabeth ，

I'm a big Maureen Johnson fan， so when I saw this title with its quirky concept， I was immediately drawn to it。 It's a very quick read， and it made me giggle throughout as I am a long-time reader of English cozy and locked-room mysteries。 The illustrations are fabulous and a perfect complement to the snarky descriptions of the characters， settings， buildings， and activities encountered in your stereotypical village mystery。 It was a quick and fun homage to the genre and I really enjoyed it！ I'm a big Maureen Johnson fan， so when I saw this title with its quirky concept， I was immediately drawn to it。 It's a very quick read， and it made me giggle throughout as I am a long-time reader of English cozy and locked-room mysteries。 The illustrations are fabulous and a perfect complement to the snarky descriptions of the characters， settings， buildings， and activities encountered in your stereotypical village mystery。 It was a quick and fun homage to the genre and I really enjoyed it！ 。。。more

Nikki ，

An adorable parody on cozy mysteries， complete with fun pictures！ This is your complete guide to make sure that you do not get murdered in a quaint English "murder" village。" Basically， stay away。 But if you must visit （because let's face it， English villages are idyllic） this book should help you on your way to not getting yourself killed。 Trust no one！ Especially not the vicar。 And do not visit the Manor house。 All kinds of crazy characters are living there。 Ugh， just don't go ok？ But if you d An adorable parody on cozy mysteries， complete with fun pictures！ This is your complete guide to make sure that you do not get murdered in a quaint English "murder" village。" Basically， stay away。 But if you must visit （because let's face it， English villages are idyllic） this book should help you on your way to not getting yourself killed。 Trust no one！ Especially not the vicar。 And do not visit the Manor house。 All kinds of crazy characters are living there。 Ugh， just don't go ok？ But if you do， please take this book very seriously。 ;）*Special thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this fun little e-arc。* 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0