Take Back Your Family: From the Tyrants of Burnout, Busyness, Individualism, and the Nuclear Ideal
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- Create Date：2021-09-08 11:21:54
- Update Date：2025-09-07
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- Author：Jefferson Bethke
- ISBN：1713616858
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Summary
New York Times bestselling author Jefferson Bethke delivers a powerful critique of the nuclear family ideal and calls for a sweeping new paradigm that brings not only longed-for stability but also radical blessings to the world。
The West's multi-century experiment with the nuclear family has failed。 Its toxic hyper-individualism has left us with an unprecedented number of broken homes and rampant confusion over what a family is supposed to be。Jefferson Bethke delivers the solution we've been seeking: a plan for taking back our families from the modern myth that has derailed us and a vision for returning to the life-giving， biblical model of multi-generational teams。
In Take Back Your Family， Bethke uncovers the historic events that led to our obsession with the nuclear family， then exposes the devastating effects of our current "me culture。" Now， writing from the visceral perspective of a father with three young children， he shares the values and strategies he and his family lean on in their quest to live as a community bonded by a shared mission， committed to mutually growing and thriving together。 By returning to God's original design for families on earth， he says， we can participate in the kingdom work that restores and fulfills our innermost desires for connection， contentment， and meaning。
The West's multi-century experiment with the nuclear family has failed。 Its toxic hyper-individualism has left us with an unprecedented number of broken homes and rampant confusion over what a family is supposed to be。Jefferson Bethke delivers the solution we've been seeking: a plan for taking back our families from the modern myth that has derailed us and a vision for returning to the life-giving， biblical model of multi-generational teams。
In Take Back Your Family， Bethke uncovers the historic events that led to our obsession with the nuclear family， then exposes the devastating effects of our current "me culture。" Now， writing from the visceral perspective of a father with three young children， he shares the values and strategies he and his family lean on in their quest to live as a community bonded by a shared mission， committed to mutually growing and thriving together。 By returning to God's original design for families on earth， he says， we can participate in the kingdom work that restores and fulfills our innermost desires for connection， contentment， and meaning。
Reviews
Leslie A
，
Take Back Your Family by Jefferson Bethke addresses the chaos， burnout， and brokenness so many families are experiencing。 After taking readers through a history of how American families got to this place， he shares practical ways to take back our families and live out a team mindset。 Readers will discover what we are missing out on when we don’t do life multigenerationally and in community with other families。 We are given a chance to glimpse what our lives and the lives of our children and fami Take Back Your Family by Jefferson Bethke addresses the chaos， burnout， and brokenness so many families are experiencing。 After taking readers through a history of how American families got to this place， he shares practical ways to take back our families and live out a team mindset。 Readers will discover what we are missing out on when we don’t do life multigenerationally and in community with other families。 We are given a chance to glimpse what our lives and the lives of our children and families can become if we develop new habits and make small changes that lead to a team attitude。 。。。more
Kristine
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Refreshing， inspiring and thought provoking。 Not your typical Christian parenting book。 Something on a whole different level that will challenge you to think outside the box！！
Grant Young
，
tIn Take Back Your Family， Jefferson Bethke explores the dangers of our current cultural approach to family while also exposing the hollow shell that the nuclear family actually reveals itself to be。 But what makes this book so powerful is the alternate way that it sets forth for the readers。 tAs a parent， we have been conditioned to think what is best for our kids based on an anomaly view from the 1950’s rather than seeking true Biblical wisdom in this area。 It’s no surprise that families are a tIn Take Back Your Family， Jefferson Bethke explores the dangers of our current cultural approach to family while also exposing the hollow shell that the nuclear family actually reveals itself to be。 But what makes this book so powerful is the alternate way that it sets forth for the readers。 tAs a parent， we have been conditioned to think what is best for our kids based on an anomaly view from the 1950’s rather than seeking true Biblical wisdom in this area。 It’s no surprise that families are a fractured， disjointed mess for so many。 Jeff does a great job at giving hope for a better way in an accessible， engaging manner。 tRather than just setting up straw man arguments to make his points， Jeff shows time and again how history has proven these things to be true and how time and again， our culture tries to push back against a family team concept。 Now more than ever， we need to create a family dynamic that builds the Kingdom of God both inside and outside of the home。 If you want a primer on how to reimagine family as a team， then this is a book I would highly recommend。 You will be challenged， but also encouraged about what your family can become。 。。。more
Cleo Maddox
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What is a successful family really？ Is it both parents working to provide as many luxuries as possible for their two children？ Is it one parent struggling alone to make ends meet？ Or maybe it’s Dad working round the clock and Mom trying to raise their children by herself。 Maybe success looks so different than what we’ve been led to believe。 I have respected how intentional Jeff and Alyssa are with raising their family ever since I started listening to their podcast and reading their books， so wh What is a successful family really？ Is it both parents working to provide as many luxuries as possible for their two children？ Is it one parent struggling alone to make ends meet？ Or maybe it’s Dad working round the clock and Mom trying to raise their children by herself。 Maybe success looks so different than what we’ve been led to believe。 I have respected how intentional Jeff and Alyssa are with raising their family ever since I started listening to their podcast and reading their books， so when I heard that Jeff was writing a new book called Take Back Your Family I was ON BOARD。 Having a baby myself has had me thinking about what being a successful parent looks like for me， and this book helped me ask better questions。 I love that Jeff looks at family cultures throughout history and how it has morphed and changed up to where we are today。 Take Back Your Family is a light read that I breezed through quickly the first time， but I can’t wait to re-read it and dig deeper。 This is a book that creates a longing for more deep inside you。 More integration。 More connection。 More than what I’ve seen “family” defined as。 This book won’t give you all the answers but it’ll help you start asking the right questions。 。。。more
Colleen Marie
，
Wow！ I read this book too fast。 It was a very easy read， but had so much packed into it that I didn’t want to stop reading it。 I will definitely be getting the audio book so that I can listen to it multiple times。 I love Jeff’s voice in this writing- very personable。 I also love the way he built our current version of the modern family on historical events that slowly changed the family unit。 When he is done， the reader feels like they have examples of family teams on a mission and I hope are co Wow！ I read this book too fast。 It was a very easy read， but had so much packed into it that I didn’t want to stop reading it。 I will definitely be getting the audio book so that I can listen to it multiple times。 I love Jeff’s voice in this writing- very personable。 I also love the way he built our current version of the modern family on historical events that slowly changed the family unit。 When he is done， the reader feels like they have examples of family teams on a mission and I hope are convicted and empowered to take back their family… I know I was。 。。。more
Lindsey
，
Jefferson Bethke's Take Back Your Family is a game changer。 Your mind will be blown as you realize what family can be & should be。 And I'm not talking about the nuclear family （2 parents， 2 kids） ideal so many of us subscribe to。 Jefferson uses the analogy of a sporting team to describe God's vision of family。 Teams are made up of individuals who work together， they are primarily about the group as they have a shared identity and mission。 Within a team， there are coaches who are "concerned with Jefferson Bethke's Take Back Your Family is a game changer。 Your mind will be blown as you realize what family can be & should be。 And I'm not talking about the nuclear family （2 parents， 2 kids） ideal so many of us subscribe to。 Jefferson uses the analogy of a sporting team to describe God's vision of family。 Teams are made up of individuals who work together， they are primarily about the group as they have a shared identity and mission。 Within a team， there are coaches who are "concerned with creating the best possible outcome。。。[asking the question] how can I help you flourish？ Coaches teach， coach， mentor， create vision， plan and strategize。 Therefore EVERY family can be a team - it's not about measuring up to an ideal， rather rallying together on mission with the players & coaches you currently have。 Through funny and heart warming examples， family spotlights and practical ideas to implement Jefferson equips readers with the tools they need to hit stop， rethink and build a family according to the Biblical design。 The best part， Jefferson stresses over and over again there is no guilt or shame for not having started or done something counter productive to the family team you wish to create。 。。。more
M
，
Really enjoyed this perspective on family and the meaning it should take on beyond the immediate unit of mom/dad/kids - to have a purpose or mission for your family in the world vs just a goal of keeping everyone happy and healthy。 As a new parent without family living nearby， I really resonate with （or rather feel the lack of） the value of having multiple generations involved on a day-to-day basis。 Overall this book really challenged me- in the best kind of way！
Sharly Hickcox Borer
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Take Back Your Family brings the reader back to how families functioned before the industrial revolution and in the scriptures。 Living in the United States， many people are tired， burned out and living in a state of constant struggle to keep up。 This book does a great job helping to stop and look back to God and how He created the family to work together as a team。 The current cultures obsession with individualism and the longing to “find ourselves”， leaves us exhausted and alone。 Bethke suggest Take Back Your Family brings the reader back to how families functioned before the industrial revolution and in the scriptures。 Living in the United States， many people are tired， burned out and living in a state of constant struggle to keep up。 This book does a great job helping to stop and look back to God and how He created the family to work together as a team。 The current cultures obsession with individualism and the longing to “find ourselves”， leaves us exhausted and alone。 Bethke suggests that there is a better way。 A way to build a team in our family and work together to stop consuming the culture and each other and instead work to produce as a family by encouraging each person to live out the gifts that God has given them within the team。 Parents working together as coaches to build their team and produce something together will not only bless them， but also bless the generations to come。 If you have been living in the rat race of western consumerism and the evangelical idol of the 1950’s Leave it to Beaver family and want something more meaningful and want to know more about what God actually created families to be like， this is the book for you。 As Christians we can live differently than the culture around us and we can have the same blessings for our families that were promised in scripture， we just have to make the effort。 Take Back Your Family is a great place to start。 。。。more
Faith Lambert
，
As always， Jeff delivers a powerful message into our culture that is dying for it。 In his previous book To Hell With The Hustle， I began to put into practice the idea of Sabbath。 Intentionally taking a day of rest in every single week。 To be honest， I forgot about that a little bit， until I read this book。 I’ve begun to place that back into my life slowly， and it’s been amazing。 I was struck deeply by Jeff describing receiving support from Jeremy in the book。 I resonating with him asking if that As always， Jeff delivers a powerful message into our culture that is dying for it。 In his previous book To Hell With The Hustle， I began to put into practice the idea of Sabbath。 Intentionally taking a day of rest in every single week。 To be honest， I forgot about that a little bit， until I read this book。 I’ve begun to place that back into my life slowly， and it’s been amazing。 I was struck deeply by Jeff describing receiving support from Jeremy in the book。 I resonating with him asking if that’s what having a father feels like。 I’ve asked the same thing in my own life！ The idea of having a family team will be life giving to this culture that is obsessed with individuality。 Individuality is certainly not wrong， but it’s not life giving to a family。 I may be single right now， but I plan to apply these principals to my family someday！ Thank you， Jeff， for this powerful book。 。。。more
Lianne Peck
，
What an incredible， evidence based， and even spiritually convicting at times， treasure！ Maybe it has been becoming a large family， maybe it's because our oldest children are heading into their teen years and we are beginning to feel those tensions more tangibly then before， or maybe it was when we decided to homeschool after feeling held hostage by the school mandates and the "will they， won't they？" questions of the last few years， and maybe coming from a fragmented family ourselves- whatever t What an incredible， evidence based， and even spiritually convicting at times， treasure！ Maybe it has been becoming a large family， maybe it's because our oldest children are heading into their teen years and we are beginning to feel those tensions more tangibly then before， or maybe it was when we decided to homeschool after feeling held hostage by the school mandates and the "will they， won't they？" questions of the last few years， and maybe coming from a fragmented family ourselves- whatever the perfect storm combination was， this book and its thought provoking and insightful observations （presented in true Bethke fashion of not just stating facts， but connection dots and encouraging readers to see what pictures those dots create） has pin pointed so much for our family of 7！ We felt like in a season where we saw our kids go off and do school in seperate rooms， to then begin pulling away into thier own space for nearly all things， that something was deeply wrong。 We pulled the plug on all of it。 Not exactly knowing why， or even how we were going to bring everyone together and course correct。 But reading Take Back Your Family， has not only answered the "Why" of what we were seeing， but confirmed on a soul level， why we felt like we were waging war against something， and how to navigate this concept of family teams！ It has been so encouraging and has made so much sense Biblically， and as someone who has always been an athlete through ealry school， college， and now an athletic coach in the gym， seeing our family as it's own team has been revolutionary to say the least。 I highly recommend this book for anyone feeling the tension and burnout of trying to do ALL the things for the benefit of family， but feeling they are missing the mark of an ever moving target and feeling overwhelmed。 For anyone wanting to bring thier family in closer， and for a great starting point of taking back what it even means to be a family in a culture that just wants to consume our identities and families for the sake of itself。 There are so many practical starting points and practices， provided by Bethke， backed with wisdom and examples from the earliest families， that we would all do well to adopt or get back to in ways that are relevant， and help us form not necessarily new， but better rhythms that stand the test of time and benefit us in countless ways！ Such a great tool for so many！ 。。。more
Kimo Thorpe
，
The Bethke/Family Teams have influenced my family in dozens of ways。 Take Back Your Family casts vision of what family could/should look like， while looking at common family dynamics that are leading to the current breakdowns we see in the west。 If you want to have a family one day or want to improve your family， run to this resource！
Roxanne
，
I just got this book today and I already read it。 My family was very close and they loved my husband。 The four of us were always out doing things and enjoying our life。 In my childhood we had a great family unit。 Then we moved across the country to care for my husbands Mom and his family does not enjoy family time， they do not celebrated anything and they are not warm and loving at all。 So it is hard to create a family when they do not want to。 It has been a hard fact to accept。 But I have been I just got this book today and I already read it。 My family was very close and they loved my husband。 The four of us were always out doing things and enjoying our life。 In my childhood we had a great family unit。 Then we moved across the country to care for my husbands Mom and his family does not enjoy family time， they do not celebrated anything and they are not warm and loving at all。 So it is hard to create a family when they do not want to。 It has been a hard fact to accept。 But I have been making friends and do things we enjoy together。 With Covid here again it is hard to embrace all the things we would like to be doing。 So my purpose is make the best life I can with what I have to work with。 This is an excellent book about having a Christian based life。 。。。more
Alyssa Osegard
，
In this book， Jeff combines his gift for words， some wonderful research， and his passion for family the way God intended to help create that same passion in your own family。 Have you ever seen one of the 10 commandments compared to Sunday football？ Jeff is the master of the metaphor in a way that doesn’t create obscurity， but instead explains concepts in a practical way。 I hadn’t realized how much our view of family has been impacted by culture the last 50-100 years， but it makes sense， and Jeff In this book， Jeff combines his gift for words， some wonderful research， and his passion for family the way God intended to help create that same passion in your own family。 Have you ever seen one of the 10 commandments compared to Sunday football？ Jeff is the master of the metaphor in a way that doesn’t create obscurity， but instead explains concepts in a practical way。 I hadn’t realized how much our view of family has been impacted by culture the last 50-100 years， but it makes sense， and Jeff helps point us back to the real way family was intended to be。 I couldn’t put this book down！ 。。。more
M。
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It was a good read。
Malorie Elrod
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This book was an incredible read。 Jefferson’s writing style is both approachable and inspiring， as he shares about living life as a multigenerational team。 I walked away feeling not only motivated to reevaluate our mission and goals as a family， but with practical questions and applications to help us get there， embracing the unique ways God has wired us each individually and as a whole。 It’s a great book for anyone feeling the pull to live life differently than how culture tells we should。
Landon Young
，
In Take Back Your Family， Jeff clearly explains how our modern idea of family came to be， why it’s harmful， and where we can point ourselves to move closer to a biblical model of family that Jesus seems to work through with much more effectiveness。I love that the ideas and principles presented can be applied to any family’s circumstance。 Throughout the book， Jeff shares specific stories of families taking on the team mentality， and they all have very different situations。 Any family can apply th In Take Back Your Family， Jeff clearly explains how our modern idea of family came to be， why it’s harmful， and where we can point ourselves to move closer to a biblical model of family that Jesus seems to work through with much more effectiveness。I love that the ideas and principles presented can be applied to any family’s circumstance。 Throughout the book， Jeff shares specific stories of families taking on the team mentality， and they all have very different situations。 Any family can apply these ideas and benefit from them！I think more can be said about living this out within the community of a local church， and that isn’t touched on much at all。 Jeff distinguishes the difference between family “as” mission and family “on” mission， but without the local church it’s hard for me to see how this isn’t another version of family “as” mission。 However， I personally feel full of vision for my family and rightly convicted of the ways I’ve lived as a solo player when I’m meant to be a coach！ I’m super thankful for Jeff’s insights， and feel strongly that the Church could have a much larger impact on the world if every family lived this way。 If you feel like there is something “off” with our culture’s idea of family， this book is for you。 。。。more
Haley
，
I believe all families should read this book。 Whether you are married， single， 100 kids， no kids， empty nester， whatever I believe this book is needed。 I feel motivated to live out the mission of honoring God as a team with my family now after reading Take Back Your Family and not just motivated but capable。 So much helpful and interesting information packed into this book。 I am excited to start living this out with my family！
Jason
，
Stop thinking in terms of “am I comfortable” or “there are worse parents out there。” Instead， Jeff talks in terms of a team。 Teams spend months and years working together to succeed。 Be the coach that cheers your family on， that encourages your family when things get tough， and most importantly to let your family know that each of them has a spot in the team that is perfect only for them！ Thank you Jeff。 Another fantastic book that is easy to read and practical。
Lianne
，
All around me I keep seeing families， and as a homeschooler， mostly moms that are super close to burnout。 The spouses love each other， as parents they love their children， but there seems to be a constant factor of disconnect。 This disconnect I see leading to fear。 Fear of， for example the teenage years that are coming up。 In this book Jeff brilliantly goes back to the root of family to see how family was intended in the first place。 He then shows the reader where this problem of disconnect and All around me I keep seeing families， and as a homeschooler， mostly moms that are super close to burnout。 The spouses love each other， as parents they love their children， but there seems to be a constant factor of disconnect。 This disconnect I see leading to fear。 Fear of， for example the teenage years that are coming up。 In this book Jeff brilliantly goes back to the root of family to see how family was intended in the first place。 He then shows the reader where this problem of disconnect and burnout started。 But he doesn’t stop there， with funny and heart warming examples he gives the reader tools and ideas on how to hit stop， and start building family according to the biblical design。 What I love is that Jeff points out that ‘family’ （and with it this book） isn’t just applicable to mum， das， two kids and a golden retriever。 Family is a way bigger concept then that and that makes this book interesting for everyone！ Healthy families built the Kingdom and this book will definitely help us all get there！ 。。。more
Cayla Wong
，
Take Back Your Family was a book that not only has had me thinking for weeks， it has helped change my mindset on how important we are， as a family， and different ways we can draw our family team closer together。 It was a fantastic read， I couldn't put it down。 I love how much Jeff talks about the table， and how that one place is a perfect starting point to bring us closer together。 I have noticed my own kids wanting to stay sitting at the dinner table longer， because we are being more intentiona Take Back Your Family was a book that not only has had me thinking for weeks， it has helped change my mindset on how important we are， as a family， and different ways we can draw our family team closer together。 It was a fantastic read， I couldn't put it down。 I love how much Jeff talks about the table， and how that one place is a perfect starting point to bring us closer together。 I have noticed my own kids wanting to stay sitting at the dinner table longer， because we are being more intentional about having meaningful and quality conversations。 A favorite quote from the book: "We want to be a family that spends a lot of time working deeply and thoughtfully， bringing something into the world that actually feeds people。 Their souls， stomachs， hearts and minds。" 。。。more
Caitlin Hennessy
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WHAT。 A。 GEM…。。Jeff Bethke does it again！ This book is for ALL families。 It speaks to all levels and offers encouragement for the longevity of your family team。 It doesn’t matter if you don’t have kids yet， are a single parent， grandparent， or parent to many…。。you will find yourself deep in the pages。 What I loved most about Take Back Your Family， were the easy to implement （aka- realistic） changes to our current habits。 Such as， instead of “mentally ear marking” money in your savings for giving WHAT。 A。 GEM…。。Jeff Bethke does it again！ This book is for ALL families。 It speaks to all levels and offers encouragement for the longevity of your family team。 It doesn’t matter if you don’t have kids yet， are a single parent， grandparent， or parent to many…。。you will find yourself deep in the pages。 What I loved most about Take Back Your Family， were the easy to implement （aka- realistic） changes to our current habits。 Such as， instead of “mentally ear marking” money in your savings for giving- how about you have a seperate account。 It makes the mental game so much easier knowing exactly what it is for。 You can watch it grow， and allow your littles to be more present with its intent。 That was just one of the many topics spoken of。 I cannot wait to gift this book to friends who are ready to be more intentional in their day-to-day doings with their family。 My only qualm I have with this book？ When I realized I was at the last page。 I couldn’t get enough of it！ 。。。more
Emily
，
This book had me excited about history and I learned so many new facts that helped me understand some of the way American culture has formed。 Understanding the history can help us to see where we've come from and where we may end up if we continue on。 If you've been near me these last 10 or so days as i've read the book， you know I can't stop talking about it。 I'm making everyone i know read it！ I love that it gives applicable ideas to implement AND there's no guilt or shame for not having thoug This book had me excited about history and I learned so many new facts that helped me understand some of the way American culture has formed。 Understanding the history can help us to see where we've come from and where we may end up if we continue on。 If you've been near me these last 10 or so days as i've read the book， you know I can't stop talking about it。 I'm making everyone i know read it！ I love that it gives applicable ideas to implement AND there's no guilt or shame for not having thought of it or doing it on your own already。 I also appreciate how the book meets you where you are。 Jeff is a good writer that keeps the reader interested and hooked。 Once my husband finishes reading i am so excited to discuss what we want to start with implementing in our family！ I really truly think this is a great read and am so excited for it to reach the hands of many and create generational changes and stronger families。 。。。more
Kenji
，